Warning Labels Would Be Nice!

[xJustsayharleyx]

CF I am sorry this happened to you. Emotional abuse harms people. Alot of people grow up in homes where this is normal. Most emotionaly abusive people appear to others as friendly and sad to say will play the victim. Many will never seek help because it painful to deal with. It is very important to spend time alone after a break-up. Going from relationship to relationship is just a quick fix. Its nobodys job to fix anyone else. It also allows you time to look at the whole picture. If you accept responsibility for your part then your able to move on. Date casualy,hang out with friends and for heavens sakes dont jump in bed after dating a week or two. Have a great day

[Starphyre]

CF this is exactly why I started this thread long ago, when break ups are ugly, or even just breaking up itself, it consumes us for awhile and that is a natural part of the healing process. On and off people have brought love and light philosophy into the thread but the truth is it is ugly and having a safe place to vent and drop all of the pain and frustration is very cathartic!

Bravo on escaping a really bad situation, and know next time ( I know right now it doesn't feel like a next time is even remotely in the cards) you will be able to catch those red flags before it goes so far. It is truly unfortunate that some people feel the only way to make themselves look good is to rip someone else apart. There are predators everywhere. There are also other really good people who sometimes don't get a chance to show us because we are afraid of our past.

Thank you for sharing your pain and frustration and please feel safe dumping/venting here where you know others have gone through the same thing and understand!

((hugs))

[Starphyre]

"Ask me how many times
my heart has been broken
and I will tell you to look
in the sky and count the stars."

Anonymous

[Canadian_Femme]

Thanks Star and Harley....I feel much stronger now then I have in years...And I refuse to settle, just to have somebody...One day I will find my other half. Until then, I enjoy everyday and try not to worry And it is nice to know there is a place I can come now when I need an ear...I am meeting some good people here

[converse]

A couple of labels I would have appreciated if they had been affixed to a few people in my past

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck…it is an excellent duck impersonator

And

If you can read this, you are standing too close…. Run!

[Orkhis]

I got all the warnings I could have got with one of my exes. I should have listened but I was determined to make up my own mind.
They were right, I was wrong.
I'm just glad it's over.

[kbusick]

a sociopath warning would be nice. those folks sure do know how to fake sincerity and love...and they really know how to twist the knife once the truth comes out.

[educand]

I got all the warnings I could have got with one of my exes. I should have listened but I was determined to make up my own mind.

I think this happens a lot. Warning labels might be nice in the abstract but as a practical matter, we usually disregard them when we don't want to see them, and we have to make our own mistakes. I have yet to see anyone heed a warning from an outside source, ever, in any context other than maybe taking along an umbrella if the weather report calls for rain - MAYBE. It's a tricky balancing act anyway, hypervigilance vs. optimistic disbelief that someone so attractive in some ways could treat us so badly.

There's probably something to be said for trusting instincts here, I suppose. There's also something to be said for holding people accountable for their wrongful acts rather than ourselves for not avoiding them. It shouldn't be ONLY a person's responsibility to sniff out warning signs, which may or may not be there or perceptible - it should also be the other party's responsibility to develop emotional maturity and handle stressors and trauma through communication and kindness rather than through physical, sexual, emotional abuse. To put it in the language of sexual assault - it's not that a person shouldn't have put herself in a situation where she was likely to be attacked, it was that the other person shouldn't have attacked her.

[leo]

Warning label...In retrospect...In the pit stomache I knew it would end up bad but I chose to ignore my intuition. So I didn't need any red flags or warning labels. I knew before It even began. Something inside said...no. I'm the only one to blame for that. I should have listened to my gut feeling it's never wrong.

[larochelle]

Okay, I'm going to revive this thread. Happy New Year, everybody.
Warning: I'm crazy. [that's the short version].

[SoulSearcher]

Okay i am in no way trying to be mean and be a party pooper here but... I believe that we are all humans, we all make mistakes, we all have our own faults, our own quirks etc... So here is what i was thinking... What if we all posted our OWN warning label. What would our OWN warning label about ourselves say to other people in all honesty?

For example:.... I get bored easily, I never make my bed because I feel it is pointless since I am just going to mess it up again that night, I am a picky eater when it comes to things like vegetables and I hate anything like tofu or sushi (Yuck). I sometimes come across as being needy in regards to the amount of attention my partner gives me, I often talk loud but do not realize it because of how hard of hearing I am and this goes the same for having the television or radio up too loud. I am often very opinionated and if you NEVER have any compliments about me or NEVER say i am doing anything good or right then i think there is something wrong with me or you have a problem with me and just aren't telling me. If an argument or heated discussion is started with me and you come up and say you don't want to talk about it right now, i get pissed off. I absolutely hate for people to start things and not finish them, especially sentences or important conversations. But even with all of this being so... I am extremely loving, caring, kind, passionate, romantic and respectful.

So what truly is the importance of warning labels of ex's? Why not make our own warning labels about ourselves? If everyone had one wouldn't it weed out people we shouldn't be with for whatever reason?

[whoopteedoodle]

Hey everyone ...waving.... I love the idea of our own warning label.... Then it would help new people in our life to make a decision... The other part of this is in the balance by offering the other side of the coin. I have my sweet, loving side and then there is my "evil twin skippy" as I call her.... who comes out in her full body armour, ready to do battle especially when I'm feeling insecure, scared, not heard, my sand box is being violated, I'm angry, dysfunctional and I mis-interpreted what was said....because my filters are on... On the other side of that part is the compassionate, nurturing, loving, kind, gentle, spiritual woman who realizes, rather quickly I might ad, that "oopsie" I screwed up and will regroup and work on making it better. Sometimes though, I need to calm down and be to myself in order to change my thinking and feelings... It is all a process.... and the more intimate I am with a woman, the more I work on myself... realizing that "you" are not my past lovers, family members, child, etc. etc. So, that is my 2-cents worth and if I had a warning label on me now, say around my neck, it would be hanging down to the floor, with several paragraphs and I'd be alone forever!!!!!! JK Oh, btw ---- my other name on is Femmekat and I'm working on getting back online under that name rather than this one... Be at peace all --- Femmekat >^..^<

[ruthie14]

OOOOOHHHH ya! Just had a bad experience with a boi who claimed to be kind and respectful. Ummm, no

[nonprofitprincess]

OMG Star - I think we might have the same ex!! LOL

[nonprofitprincess]

My ex's warning label would read: "I may look butch, but looks are deceiving! I'm not sure who or what I am, and I'm looking for anything or anyone to define myself by. I don't know how to deal with my emotions, so I will externalize them all and make everyone around me feel as miserable as I do. Don't mistake my silence for strength, odds are I'm hiding something from you or just formulating the next big lie I'm going to tell. I hate myself so I'll never truly love you, never let you in, and after a few years, almost never make love to you."

My warning label: "I'm gullible, I take things too seriously, and I'm really sensitive. You will never know how much I need you, because I have a hard time admitting to myself that I need anyone at all. I'm going to keep growing and changing, so don't get in too much of a rut! Be prepared to catch me when I fall - literally! I'm a klutz. Also, dogs and I are a package deal." :-)

[Starphyre]

If they weren't the same person they must be long lost twins! lol!

[nonprofitprincess]

OMG mine just moved to PDX, so you better watch out!! :-)

[Starphyre]

Damn, you're supposed to export to the East Coast! lol! Thanks for the warning!

[honeypie]

Damn, you're supposed to export to the East Coast! lol! Thanks for the warning!

NO NO NO NO....We have enouth of that shit on the East Coast...too bad a skull and crossbones doesnt magically appear on their foreheads when the moonlight shines on them !!! I am gona think of my own warning label though...Very cool idea...It would read something like the Gremlins warning label: Never feed after midnight and use caution if wet.......hahahaha!

[Starphyre]

NO NO NO NO....We have enouth of that shit on the East Coast...too bad a skull and crossbones doesnt magically appear on their foreheads when the moonlight shines on them !!!

I love it!!! They have tattoos that only show under a black light, that could work, just scan before dating! lmao!

[AlexHunter]

Man, after blogging about the craziest ex I've ever been with, I found this thread. Her warning label would read:

"I have seven personalities. One of them is who I want to be, two are straight (one is Catholic), one is sadistic, one is male, one is an old black lady, and one is a big time slut."

My own warning label would read something like, "I'm too nice, but I fear my vulnerability. I'm insecure and need a lot of reassurance, despite my cocky exterior. I like to think I'm smooth, but really, I'm this huge, nervous dork who wants nothing more than your love. I'll try to treat you like a queen in the meantime, but I don't promise happily ever after. I need solitude sometimes and will have moments where I don't feel like being talkative or affectionate. Other times, I won't shut up. If you make me comfortable enough to let you in, I'm yours... and you'll have to metaphorically slap me hard in the nose like an unwanted puppy to get me to go away. If I feel like I'm giving more than I'm getting, which I often have in the past, I will grow resentful and not even realize until it's too late and the feelings have festered. I can ignore my emotions until I'm desensitized. I like meaningless sex and respect for you does not mean I will enter a relationship with you. Until I find the perfect woman, I'll be happily single."

[honeypie]

man, after blogging about the craziest ex i've ever been with, i found this thread. Her warning label would read:

"i have seven personalities. One of them is who i want to be, two are straight (one is catholic), one is sadistic, one is male, one is an old black lady, and one is a big time slut."

my own warning label would read something like, "i'm too nice, but i fear my vulnerability. I'm insecure and need a lot of reassurance, despite my cocky exterior. I like to think i'm smooth, but really, i'm this huge, nervous dork who wants nothing more than your love. I'll try to treat you like a queen in the meantime, but i don't promise happily ever after. I need solitude sometimes and will have moments where i don't feel like being talkative or affectionate. Other times, i won't shut up. If you make me comfortable enough to let you in, i'm yours... And you'll have to metaphorically slap me hard in the nose like an unwanted puppy to get me to go away. If i feel like i'm giving more than i'm getting, which i often have in the past, i will grow resentful and not even realize until it's too late and the feelings have festered. I can ignore my emotions until i'm desensitized. I like meaningless sex and respect for you does not mean i will enter a relationship with you. Until i find the perfect woman, i'll be happily single."

wow !!!!

[watta89]

I saw this and had to write my own. While I never dated this girl (thank GOD), she was my best friend for a while. I know this is meant for exes, but just want to get it off my chest.

Warning:
I'm a lying, manipulating, immature, capricious, whiny, needy, clingy, selfish and self-centered child who will use you and take you for granted and, if you're of the right sexual orientation, I will most likely, eventually, lead you on. I never do anything wrong and the occasional mistake is really not that big a deal and totally justified. My life has been soooo unfair to me and I will say so again and again and again, so that you feel sorry for me and buy me things and wait on me hand and foot. I'm always so stressed out because I have no money, which is why I will mooch off of you and everyone around me, while going on shopping sprees with the money I get from the government. But hey, I'm justified in having spent that money frivulously, because I was sad. Never mind that I owe my friends several hundred dollars each.
I will deny with my every breath that I talk shit about people, because I am a really good person. All those people who say they've witnessed me doing it are all just liars. Why is everyone so mean to me? I have such a horribly low self-esteem. My life is shit and I don't deserve to have anything good in my life. I will cry about this a lot, so you will end up spending countless hours trying to cheer me up.
I'm the type of person who posts a fake suicide note on Facebook, on Christmas day, to get attention. Some of my friends see through this, but hey, poor poor me. Cut me some slack, cause life is so fucking hard. Never mind that I made several of my friends seriously fear for my life cause I'm an attention whore.

Because of my constant laments about how life is so unfair and difficult, whenever I do something you don't like, you most likely won't bring it up, cause you don't want to add to my burdan. If you do bring it up, you're the one throwing a fit. I didn't do anything to bring that on. Hold on while I go bitch about you to someone else and lie about what happened to make me look like the innocent victim, and you the callous dick.

I also enjoy employing double standards. If you're in any kind of relationship with me, I will be abusive. I will ignore your needs and wants in favor of my own. I will ignore you until I need something from you, then you're back to being the bestest person in the world. I will flatter you endlessly and butter you up. Everyone who's ever walked away from my endless drama is really just buttsore cause they wanted me and I rejected them. After a while, I will make you paranoid and distrustful, and you will doubt everything I've ever told you. And doubt anyone else who comes along after me.

Why does everyone leave me?!

[1shyme]

Wow..you were "friends" for how long if I can ask?

[Notbroken]

Warning labels might be nice but is that to say we still wouldn't take a chance? I'm betting the majority of us had already seen a red flag or two waving and didn't do anything more then block the wind. It happens because we need to want and be wanted. Sometimes a relationship just becomes too far out of reach to make perspective work. Take time to process, don't allow anger to control you. Embrace your pain, grieve if needed, then let it go. No one can be or is responsible for our own happiness, we must continue to believe in ourselves and our dreams. Life happens, live it.

[jushapycampin]

I think we all have our faults and I probably need to have a few warning labels of my own. I think Notbroken hit the nail on the head. I won't post any warning labels as I do have a few ex's here and don't like drama. Really you don't need warning labels, although they would be fun/funny...All you really need to do is stop, look and listen.

[Notbroken]

I've jokingly thought about creating a "before involvement" application...

Realistically, stop look and listen don't apply when we get our heads turned, most of us just jump in with both feet and later wonder what the hill happened! Whirlwind relationships are just that and can often be compared to a tornado. It lifts you up, spins you around and ultimately slams you down. Sometimes you come out in one piece, some times you come out shattered and broken. Either way, you know the storm. It's a perfect example of why we need to keep our own space, do the dating scene in length and really get to know one another. One may not wind up in a relationship but there is always something that can be said for valued friendship.

[jushapycampin]

I've jokingly thought about creating a "before involvement" application...

Realistically, stop look and listen don't apply when we get our heads turned, most of us just jump in with both feet and later wonder what the hill happened! Whirlwind relationships are just that and can often be compared to a tornado. It lifts you up, spins you around and ultimately slams you down. Sometimes you come out in one piece, some times you come out shattered and broken. Either way, you know the storm. It's a perfect example of why we need to keep our own space, do the dating scene in length and really get to know one another. One may not wind up in a relationship but there is always something that can be said for valued friendship.

I couldn't agree with you more. I do believe if I would ever learn to listen to my head when I stop look and listen I'd be better off, but you are right it comes on like a storm and like a storm, sometimes you don't pay attention to the signs.....I think there is a sample application in a thread here somewhere.

[Rhoda]

Okay i am in no way trying to be mean and be a party pooper here but... I believe that we are all humans, we all make mistakes, we all have our own faults, our own quirks etc... So here is what i was thinking... What if we all posted our OWN warning label. What would our OWN warning label about ourselves say to other people in all honesty?

For example:.... I get bored easily, I never make my bed because I feel it is pointless since I am just going to mess it up again that night, I am a picky eater when it comes to things like vegetables and I hate anything like tofu or sushi (Yuck). I sometimes come across as being needy in regards to the amount of attention my partner gives me, I often talk loud but do not realize it because of how hard of hearing I am and this goes the same for having the television or radio up too loud. I am often very opinionated and if you NEVER have any compliments about me or NEVER say i am doing anything good or right then i think there is something wrong with me or you have a problem with me and just aren't telling me. If an argument or heated discussion is started with me and you come up and say you don't want to talk about it right now, i get pissed off. I absolutely hate for people to start things and not finish them, especially sentences or important conversations. But even with all of this being so... I am extremely loving, caring, kind, passionate, romantic and respectful.

So what truly is the importance of warning labels of ex's? Why not make our own warning labels about ourselves? If everyone had one wouldn't it weed out people we shouldn't be with for whatever reason?

i think this idea needs it's own thread.......... lmao Will have to hire someone to help me with this.