I don't know if this is in the right place but I will give it a shot.
I recently had to move in with my aunt and uncle due to various issues. I'm happy to have a roof over my head, and a safe place for my dogs and I to be.
Thing is my Aunt and Uncle are seriously Christian...to put it nicely. (I don't have a problem with it at all...I believe in God too) It just feels a bit suffocating on that end. But any way.
They welcomed myself and my two dogs into their home saying that they are accepting of me. I'm doing well abiding by the rules and looking for work. But since the first week ended I can't help but feel them trying to change me...in so many ways I can't count them all. I'm very calm about it and welcoming to change because I want to be a better person.
But at the same time...I think they may be trying to change my sexuality as well. Which we all know that can't happen. I just I don't want to get angry with them I don't want it to lead into a long drawn out religious conversation. I also don't want them setting up a date for me with a guy! Here are a few instances that have happened. (Which aren't much of anything)
I was on the phone with a friend (she's bi) and laughing and talking about how people I talk to (who I'm open with) CANNOT for the life of them say GAY or anything along those lines. I walked past my aunt and she said gay means happy. Which made me smile. But at the same time she became insistent about it. Very insistent about it so I agreed yes it does but as a slangish term can also mean homosexual...and I got my glass of water and skittered away thinking what the hell?
A few weeks back I had made the mistake of reading Patience and Sarah in the living room. They want me to spend time with them and I wanted to read my book and it was a quiet evening. They have said they are accepting. So I thought what would it hurt. You know? I wasn't going to read it out loud or anything I even kept the cover down out of respect. They asked what I was reading so I said Patience and Sarah it's a romance novel. It was very influential and it's well known. For a time it was on the banned books list. What do my aunt and uncle do? They started giggling with one another in a childish manner saying 'gee I wonder why it was banned?' I felt so...hurt.
At Christmas my aunt asked me to make a list for Christmas things I needed/ wanted. I said I was thinking about asking for a novel or two. She IMMEDIATELY said 'No dirty books'. Mind you I hadn't even said what kind. It was going to be a dog one...you know those people who write about their dogs lives and make millions...yea one of those. But...she made it seem like...talk about a slap in the face.
When I try to talk about other things like movies...Citizen Kane or *insert any title here* They don't know what movie I'm talking about. I rented a newer version of Anne Frank the other night...I don't think my Aunt had ever seen it or read it. I've also tried talking to them about what I would like to do in the fall which is go back to school and get my liberal arts degree in English because I'd love to teach ESL in Japan. So I've been doing research and what not but when I try to open that up for conversation, always I am reminded of my debt that I currently have...which yes I am aware of it made me physically sick for a a year because I wasn't making enough to make ends meet. They tell me to settle for what I have. One day my aunt told me if it doesn't have to do with Cleaning or cooking then she doesn't know what I'm talking about. SO...I just *head-desk* I've tried really. And I really don't want to talk religion...I can only imagine how that would go it would go on for HOURS and be about how right this is and that is not and all of that.
I feel suffocated. I love my family. I truly love them but I feel like I hit one brick wall after another when I try to be me but when I'm what they are trying to change me into whatever the hell that is...it's like a magazine...perfect. Which is something I've noticed as a trend. They like for things to be magazine perfect. Nothing wrong or strange.
I keep thinking about what will happen one day(once I have my own place and am standing on my own two feet) when I bring my lover home for dinner? (Don't have one currently...which I can't help but think I'm lucky) I can only imagine how they would re-act to a butch.
How would you guys keep your sanity in this position? Without tearing your hair out and climbing the walls. Any ideas would be amazing
Sorry that this is my first post here at butch-femme I do hope to contribute happy posts and get to know people!