Adding a 3rd?

[FieryRedFemme]

I've been poly for quite a long time, and poly thinking for much longer. I personally keep my relationships apart completely. I don't discuss what's going on with the other partner ever. I set boundaries as much as I can, some times communications get mixed up, which I've been through with a partner I have currently. I do not get involved with someone if they've got a past with one of my partners or visa versa. As suggested, The Ethical Slut, is a fabulous book. Some communities are small and there maybe a time when you will see your partner with someone else. If you really can't deal with that, you'll have to really think if poly is for you, it's not for everyone.

Much luck on your journey,
FRF

[Hpychick]

thanks for all of your posts. Wish I had read this about a month ago.

[poc]

my butch and I are wanting to add a second wife to our life. I am the one who is having premenapausal problems and really don't want or need relations any more. I don't want hym to go without. our problem being professionals like we both are is where do we find a third? we live in an area where he has dated, prior to me the available femmes, and we just aren't sure if there are any websites or where to post. any suggestions?

poc

[Toughy]

my butch and I are wanting to add a second wife to our life. I am the one who is having premenapausal problems and really don't want or need relations any more. I don't want hym to go without. our problem being professionals like we both are is where do we find a third? we live in an area where he has dated, prior to me the available femmes, and we just aren't sure if there are any websites or where to post. any suggestions?

poc

You don't have to lose interest in sex, just because the menopause bug has bit you/ A good GYN can help you out with things. I know several women who use a testosterone cream on their clit and are happily sexually active. It might (over time) enlarge your clit a little, but what the hell...laughin......nothing wrong with a bigger clit if it gets you a better sex drive.

I don't know how much you know about poly........there are lots of ways to do it. You might want to read a few books that are out there so you know what you are getting into. I would suggest starting with The Eithical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Dossie's website is www.dossieeaston.com Poly is hard work in all it's forms and the better informed you are the more likely you are to be able to make it work for all parties.

[Onyxena]

A lot of my friend's are poly. It seems to work well for them.

They have their primary relationship, in this case it would be you and your butch, then they have their secondary and sometimes even a third partner. Communication is the biggest piece. Jealousy has no place in a poly relationship, which is why I could never practice it.

Open lines of communication as well as a clear understanding of boundaries. You and your primary Daddy must set down clear boundaries within the relationship. For example, some questions you might want to ask are:

Does your Daddy want to meet the secondary?
What is allowed and not allowed?
What does your Daddy feel comfortable with?
Will it be another relationship or just sex?
Will the events happen at your house or will your secondary host?
Does your Daddy want to participate, and will hy be able to handle it if hy can't?

It will take some serious conversations.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want!

-Ony

[Toughy]

Jealousy has no place in a poly relationship, which is why I could never practice it.

Everyone gets jealous on occasion. Jealousy happens in successful poly relationships. It's what you do with that jealousy that matters. To be successful in poly relationships you have to learn how to talk and listen. It requires direct, honest, loving ways of talking and listening. There can be no manipulation or game playing. Jealousy is not a bad thing if it is dealt with when it happens.

[Marblez]

my butch and I are wanting to add a second wife to our life. I am the one who is having premenapausal problems and really don't want or need relations any more. I don't want hym to go without. our problem being professionals like we both are is where do we find a third? we live in an area where he has dated, prior to me the available femmes, and we just aren't sure if there are any websites or where to post. any suggestions?

Something that a lot of people over look about relationships of any kind is the cause and effect of medical condition entering the equation, before looking for alternative behaviors for the relationship, deal with the medical (Physical or Mental) before attempting any alteration of your normal behavior.

As Toughy said above, talk to your doctor, menopause doesn't have to end your sex life, but it can have strong emotional pulls on you, what you perceive today may be totally different tomorrow and could have serious affects on your relations, once you deal with the medical aspects you can face any other decisions with a clearer thoughts.

On an side note, once your body slows down estrogen production it still creates testosterone, you may find your desires ignited ten fold after menopause. estrogen dampens desires in women, testosterone enhances it. just a fyi there.

[maverick73]

I fill my physical and emotional variety-seeking needs by being single, I guess, and letting my dates know that is the case, unless I'm specifically after monogamy, then I tell them that, too.

I have dated poly people, and toyed with the idea myself; but I truly struggle to be emotionally close to my partner in serious relationships, to be honest, and though I'm working on me, I think a triad vs. a dyad would be stressful to me- I could see myself either being possessive or just plain being non-present and coming around only for sex if the strongest emotional bond seemed to be between the others and I was distant. In Social Psych speak regarding interpersonal relations, dyads are stronger bonds than triads*...But hey, if poly works for some, Live and Let Live/Love

* I use triad, but really mean any more than two...just to clarify

[Toughy]

here is what I know about all successful relationships of any kind...........

1 + 1 = 3 ...........you and me and us............

I have never met any human being who could satisfy all my needs and/or wants. No friend, no lifetime committed partner can do that. Sometimes my needs and/or wants just don't work for my partner. Sometimes hers don't work for me. I see no reason why either of us should have to give up a want/or need. I also see no reason why getting a want/or need met outside the relationship should negatively affect or be a threat to a lifetime relationship..

Honest, loving, compassionate communication is required in all successful relationships of any kind.

edited to add: love has no limits......there is no finite amount of love.......

[Orkhis]

Everyone gets jealous on occasion. Jealousy happens in successful poly relationships. It's what you do with that jealousy that matters. To be successful in poly relationships you have to learn how to talk and listen. It requires direct, honest, loving ways of talking and listening. There can be no manipulation or game playing. Jealousy is not a bad thing if it is dealt with when it happens.

I agree. Some of the loudest poly people I know against jealousy, were also privately the most jealous people in their relationships. Everyone has the right to be jealous and expressed in the right way, jealousy should not be an evil in your relationship. It can even show your partner that you care!

[tymejumper]

I think it is incredibly romantic of your Daddy to want to see to your needs, and loves you that much.

I have had both poly and monogomous relationships. My first poly relationship was with one of the first girlfriends I had. She got drunk one night and told me she had sex with her ex. She still wanted to be with me, and I thought her ex was hot anyhow. I wanted to add her as a 3rd. We could only make it work for a little while, and my girlfriend got very jelous in the end. So, we ended the relationship all around. I was sad to see it go.

I am currently monogomous and married to my wife of 2 years.(together 6 total). Even though I have no desire to want to add a 3rd permanently, I would have no problem with having an occational 3 way. My wife, on the other hand, is a monogomous girl to the bone and it would cause problems in our relationship to be Poly. She says she knows she has trust issues and was up front about it from the start. We talked alot about what we both expected in our relationship and if it would be monogomous. She has Poly friends, in very sucessful realtionships, but knows she could not deal with that herself.

It's all about communication and working it out. If you and your Daddy are fine with it and happy with it, then give it a try. If it does not work you can always close your relationship again, if it is a strong one to begin with. It's all about what you two want.