Physical Disability & Self-Esteem: Life As It Is Now, Coming To Terms, Rising Above

**hellboi** · 04-27-2007, 07:33 PM

Memory is a wonderful and beautifully amazing thing! I awakened this morning to a flood of it. I remebered....how to use my multimeter....how to use my pad repair kit, soldering station....how to recognize *and the function* of various electronic components....and...went bussing down to the local hobby shop...purchased the necessary components..and actually repaired the ailing mother board of my old laptop...that I am typing on at this very moment!!!!!!!

Life is good, God is better...and it is GREAT to be ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edited to say:...of course I still can't spell...but hen..I never could LOL,,and I've always been too darned lazy to use the spell check ROFLMAOOO

**MiamiButch** · 04-27-2007, 07:35 PM

Congrats Hellboi!! Now if I could only remember the password to my Netflix account. lol

**DAYWALKER** · 04-27-2007, 07:45 PM

(((Hellboi)))

That's totally awesome...lol,
wish I could get some of my memory bank to wake up!

Just popped in to tell you all that Session Two of my story has been posted in the Writer's Duel Thread this evening. Lol...and yes, there is more! I will post Session Three in a couple of days, and work on the actual completion this weekend.
Stay safe and healthy as can be...and roar when whenever you can!

**guitarboi** · 04-27-2007, 08:02 PM

That's fantastic!!!!!!!! I know the feeling. Congrats on the repair hellboi. And spelling is overrated anyway

Originally Posted by hellboi

Memory is a wonderful and beautifully amazing thing! I awakened this morning to a flood of it. I remebered....how to use my multimeter....how to use my pad repair kit, soldering station....how to recognize *and the function* of various electronic components....and...went bussing down to the local hobby shop...purchased the necessary components..and actually repaired the ailing mother board of my old laptop...that I am typing on at this very moment!!!!!!!

Life is good, God is better...and it is GREAT to be ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edited to say:...of course I still can't spell...but hen..I never could LOL,,and I've always been too darned lazy to use the spell check ROFLMAOOO

**Woodie69** · 04-27-2007, 10:44 PM

I just watched the 20/20 Special that Barbara Walters did on trans kids. It was so well done, and just so incrediably moving. Rosie cried during the entire show. My hat is off to all of the families and parents shown on the show this evening. They really have my utmost respect, admiration, and show so much integrity. That is what it is to be in a family. Unconditional love. Those kids are so very blessed.

It just makes me so very angry that my own bio-parents failed all the way around in raising me. My father threatened to have me commited to a psych ward because of my gender dysphoria. Heck, if they could have had me electricuted he would have signed the papers. That is just how far in denial they are, even to this very day. I have forgiven them, but some things I will never forget. I will take those memories to my grave.

This has significantly effected and affected my self esteem. I think that added onto my transsexualism, having a significant head injury has just really taken a toll on how I perceive things, people, and situations. I am very wary, shy, and keep to myself alot.

When seeking out medical attention, I am so very cautious. I have been betrayed on so many levels by therapists and physicians. Plus, my trust level is not very good when just meeting new folks. Rosie and I talk alot about what we expect, what our concerns are, and the results we want. It is just finding the right match to help us out along the way. That is the most frustrating.

Peace and love to all,
Andrew

P.S. Hellboy - Woohoo! Way to Go!
LionandLamb - You are in my prayers.
GB - I agree about spell check. Way over rated.
Sir DW - You have the right idea about MS. You are the MASTER!

**espresso** · 04-27-2007, 11:37 PM

Hello everyone!

Woodie69: My heart goes out to you. I wish for you much healing and peace! My partner and I saw the Barbara Walters Special tonight. It was fabulous! They deserve the same respect and acceptance as everyone else!

Daywalker: I will definitely be reading part two of your story. The first one had me on the edge of my seat!

hellboi: Way to go on your good memory! I take Ginkgo Biloba to help with mine.

lionandlamb: Having migraines can be very debilitating. My partner has taken the herb "feverfew" for migraines. Here's some Info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feverfew

guitarboi: That's very interesting what you said about Social Security. It doesn't surprise me that they are underpaid and understaffed. How nice of you to represent others with the process! I know I'm always super nice to them when I talk to them. (You attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar!)

sweetstonefemme: You are so correct about the proper medical documentation from the Doctor being presented when aplying for disability.

Miamibutch: Your post was funny!

I'll be out of town this weekend visiting family. I'll be back on Monday. May you all have a great weekend!

Hugs,

Staci

**hellboi** · 04-28-2007, 12:05 AM

I guess the meds the neurologist is giving me are doing their job....I just hope they keep working this well. I keep waking up...worrying I'll wake up tomorrow...and forget where I am or something LOL.

**ArchAngel Gabriel** · 04-28-2007, 06:20 AM

today is a good day. The sn is shining The birds are singing It is warm and I am not hurting so much. Almost time to load up and walk over to buds place for it is Rugby playing time!!!! maybe next year i will be playing again.

**guitarboi** · 04-28-2007, 10:26 AM

I like the honey vinegar analogy. So true.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Originally Posted by espresso

Hello everyone!

Woodie69: My heart goes out to you. I wish for you much healing and peace! My partner and I saw the Barbara Walters Special tonight. It was fabulous! They deserve the same respect and acceptance as everyone else!

Daywalker: I will definitely be reading part two of your story. The first one had me on the edge of my seat!

hellboi: Way to go on your good memory! I take Ginkgo Biloba to help with mine.

lionandlamb: Having migraines can be very debilitating. My partner has taken the herb "feverfew" for migraines. Here's some Info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feverfew

guitarboi: That's very interesting what you said about Social Security. It doesn't surprise me that they are underpaid and understaffed. How nice of you to represent others with the process! I know I'm always super nice to them when I talk to them. (You attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar!)

sweetstonefemme: You are so correct about the proper medical documentation from the Doctor being presented when aplying for disability.

Miamibutch: Your post was funny!

I'll be out of town this weekend visiting family. I'll be back on Monday. May you all have a great weekend!

Hugs,

Staci

**hellboi** · 04-28-2007, 11:05 PM

I can't remember where I put my colostomy supplies

...I know I have some more bags somewhere in the bathroom....I think....I wish Oscar would get home soon...maybe she knows where they are.

**Shyfemmekat** · 04-29-2007, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by hellboi

Memory is a wonderful and beautifully amazing thing! I awakened this morning to a flood of it. I remebered....how to use my multimeter....how to use my pad repair kit, soldering station....how to recognize *and the function* of various electronic components....and...went bussing down to the local hobby shop...purchased the necessary components..and actually repaired the ailing mother board of my old laptop...that I am typing on at this very moment!!!!!!!

Life is good, God is better...and it is GREAT to be ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edited to say:...of course I still can't spell...but hen..I never could LOL,,and I've always been too darned lazy to use the spell check ROFLMAOOO

Oh, I am SO glad. God/Goddess/Universe is so good.

SFK

**Shyfemmekat** · 04-29-2007, 02:25 PM

Hi Folks,

I am really tired this afternoon but I wanted to stop by and wish everyone a great Sunday. Going to go sleep for awhile and then may get back on later this evening.

GB, I had to go look that word up. Thanks for that.

Andrew, I am going to call you some time tomorrow. I am pretty sure I still have minutes left.

I spoke to our dear Peregrine and she sounded good. Has been very busy messing with some new computer music-type gadgets of late.

Okay, more later once I rest.

SFK

**Jules** · 04-29-2007, 03:21 PM

Well, we sold our camper this weekend...the one place I could go and relax and de-stress, but its an expense we don't need with me not working. I mentioned selling the Corvette, but the Spousal Equivilant says no way, she knows how much I love that car, although, I've been too depressed to even get in it and tool around town.

Thanks everyone for the info on SS disability. I feel like a rat in a maze with all of these forms. I also have forms from my job, since I work for the federal gov't, I am elligible for disability from them as well. I've yet to send my SS application in, I'm so afraid I've left something out...I did it on line, and have a phone interview this coming Friday. I just hope I have given all the needed info.

I am really anxious about this, and even more depressed about the entire situation. There are moments when I don't feel so bad that I think I can work, but they are overshadowed by the more often times that I have so much pain and nausea I can't even function.

I have not given notice yet, and I know I need to. My job has been great, but I really need to be fair to them, so they can fill my position. I'm at a quandry on how to handle this, and I need to get COBRA or some type of health insurance before I make that decision.

And to top it off....I'm almost out of pain meds (guiltily, I admit, I took more often than I should, but its the only thing that helps) and 2 weeks before I can fill my script. That scares me as well. The thought of going back to my office and clearing out my stuff makes me feel sad as well, I was hoping I could hold on for 4 more years, but now that doesn't seem an alternative.

Basically....I feel like shit, both physically and emotionally.

I hope this finds everyone doing better than I am...lol...and hellboi, I envy you, you can actually repair a computer??? That's quite impressive to me!

**Peregrine Magic** · 04-29-2007, 05:18 PM

I'm ba-a-a-ack. I am on a crazy tear going through my house getting rid of stuff, because I'm am tired of looking through stuff I don't use trying to find stuff I need. I will admit that I am actually in my bathing suit, taking a break from sorting out clothing that no longer fits (damned meds) so I can give it to the thrift store. (Sorry for the mental image of the crazed middle aged woman in a bathing suit.)

I've decided it's too daunting to go back and truly catch up, so I'm just gonna jump in. Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to anything happening lately. The likely explanation is that I just have no clue.

Jules, I did read far enough back to see your post, though. (It's the one before mine.) I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Huge changes...

I was at this amazing conference recently with a bunch of leaders in the nonviolent peace/justice movement, one of whom, Dolores Huerta, sort of spoke about this issue. Someone asked her how she was able to stay afloat financially given that all of her work is social activism. She said that when the SF police beat the stuffing out of her, she sued them. They are now mandated to support her for the rest of her life while she does what she's called to do. I've decided to look at receiving disability similarly, as being paid to do whatever I'm called to do. Of course, I feel just fine at the moment, making this easy for ME to say.

The paperwork is really daunting, as you say. I drag my feet around it for a lo-o-o-o-ong time, eventually fill it out, then pray for the people I'm dealing with to have compassion if I've made any mistakes. I've had good luck so far for whatever reason, but it is excruciating.

We'll see how the IRS reacts to my not having filed my taxes yet. That'll be the real test.

My best to everyone, and a goofy curtsy (sorry, another mental image) to Ms. Shy, who politely listens to my music.

Peregrine

**hellboi** · 04-29-2007, 05:18 PM

WHOOH!!!! I didn't lose it after all. LOL Oscar got home late last night from clubbing *we're really digging the nicknames..ty SF LOL*..anyway...she gave me a ride to pick up supplies Saturday afternoon, and we didn't take them out of her car...LOL...I knew I had more suppkies somewhere....she got home just in the nick of time too LOL

Actually, Jules, I used to work in the electronics industry..I used to build computer hardware, years ago..and...when I first became ill....I was CEO of a company that manufactured environmental sensors for the automated buildings construction industry....sigh..but..ya know..ya get sick..and they lose faith that you will be able to make wise business decisions..so the board of directors gave me a vote of no confidence...and I couldn't get an executive position to save my soul...so it was back to working the production floor for very low wages...and getting layed off at every turn for being ill...and then finally disability.
Fear not....there will seemingly be no end to the additional information social security adminstration will want from you....and the additional forms they will want filled out and returned.

edited to say: Since I am also middle aged, Miss Magic,...if ya don't mind too awfully...I will relish the visual of the bathing suit...ty

**Jules** · 04-29-2007, 07:05 PM

wow!! Miss Peregrine in a bathing suit!?! I think that sounds rather enticing!!!
I'm taking a break from all these forms, boy are they giving me a headache.
Hope everyone had a good day/evening.

**Shyfemmekat** · 04-29-2007, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by Peregrine Magic

I'm ba-a-a-ack. I am on a crazy tear going through my house getting rid of stuff, because I'm am tired of looking through stuff I don't use trying to find stuff I need. I will admit that I am actually in my bathing suit, taking a break from sorting out clothing that no longer fits (damned meds) so I can give it to the thrift store. (Sorry for the mental image of the crazed middle aged woman in a bathing suit.)

I've decided it's too daunting to go back and truly catch up, so I'm just gonna jump in. Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to anything happening lately. The likely explanation is that I just have no clue.

Jules, I did read far enough back to see your post, though. (It's the one before mine.) I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Huge changes...

I was at this amazing conference recently with a bunch of leaders in the nonviolent peace/justice movement, one of whom, Dolores Huerta, sort of spoke about this issue. Someone asked her how she was able to stay afloat financially given that all of her work is social activism. She said that when the SF police beat the stuffing out of her, she sued them. They are now mandated to support her for the rest of her life while she does what she's called to do. I've decided to look at receiving disability similarly, as being paid to do whatever I'm called to do. Of course, I feel just fine at the moment, making this easy for ME to say.

The paperwork is really daunting, as you say. I drag my feet around it for a lo-o-o-o-ong time, eventually fill it out, then pray for the people I'm dealing with to have compassion if I've made any mistakes. I've had good luck so far for whatever reason, but it is excruciating.

We'll see how the IRS reacts to my not having filed my taxes yet. That'll be the real test.

My best to everyone, and a goofy curtsy (sorry, another mental image) to Ms. Shy, who politely listens to my music.

Peregrine

Hey Precious P,

Am still stuck on the Anonymous 4's 11,000 Virgins CD you sent. It is so lovely. I will eventually make it on to the others but that one is very soothing.

You know I am going to have go look Dolores Huerta up now, right?

I wish I looked as good in a bathing suit as you do, please. You are so beautiful.

Besides, us crazed middle aged women rock.

Your music is awesome and I am so digging it. I was blissed out and saying, "Go, girl!" during the high parts. Wish I had control that good when I sing.

Love you,
SFK

**ArchAngel Gabriel** · 04-29-2007, 08:03 PM

wandering in to say evening all. Next week will be a true test for me. Friday I will take care of buds cat then have dress rehersal from 7-9 pm then drive for 2 hours to all iowa rugby and spend the night in a hotel room full of hard drinking rugby players. Play rugby(or be the water bitch actually) all day saturday ( now I have bud and kirsten to do for esp.

leave there drive 2 hours back home fly in feed buds cat shower dress and go to quire concert for a good couple of hours. If we play on sunday I will be driving back another 2 hours to rugby and spend another night in a hotel room of ruggers play on sunday and then come home and crash only to get up and start my new job early monday morning.

How does that sound for a fun time lol.

I might just stay home sunday but not sure about that yet. We also have quire pot luck to attend sunday evening. Way too much to do lol.

but the main thing is I am starting a new job woohoo monday the 7th.

my feet sure do hurt.

**Peregrine Magic** · 05-01-2007, 09:53 AM

Originally Posted by hellboi

Since I am also middle aged, Miss Magic,...if ya don't mind too awfully...I will relish the visual of the bathing suit...ty

Originally Posted by Jules

wow!! Miss Peregrine in a bathing suit!?! I think that sounds rather enticing!!!

Originally Posted by Shyfemmekat

I wish I looked as good in a bathing suit as you do, please. You are so beautiful.

Besides, us crazed middle aged women rock.

LOL. Even though none of you ever actually saw me in a bathing suit, I am choosing to be flattered.

And Shy, YEAH! We do rock!

Originally Posted by Shyfemmekat

Your music is awesome and I am so digging it.

Thanks.

Then you'll like the new and improved version I sent you even more.

Originally Posted by ArchAngel Gabriel

How does that sound for a fun time lol.

My gawd, I just got up and may have to go back to bed after just reading your post.

How'd it go?

*******
I sorted out four big bags of clothes for Goodwill and am starting to eye the rest of my house. It's liberating to get rid of stuff I don't use. Or stuff that brings up unpleasant memories. I think I'll go through my books next.

My parents are coming to visit in about a week for my daughter's graduation from UC Berkeley. (Yes, I did name drop the brilliant young woman's school.) So I need to do whatever I can to make space. I love my place but it's not enormous.

My mom's going to challenged enough by the stairs to my front door-- I want to make other things as easy as possible. She was completely immobilized and nearly died last year of a reaction to lovastatin, and still has some muscle weakness in her legs. (Read the packaging carefully before taking that family of drugs.

) Now that I'm thinking about it, I'd better go get a grab bar to install outside the shower and a shower chair, too. Wouldn't hurt to have them for me, anyway. The chair will make it easier to shave my legs now that I'm wearing a bathing suit everywhere I go.

Spontaneous healing,
Peregrine

**BlueMoonWolf** · 05-01-2007, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by Peregrine Magic

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'd better go get a grab bar to install outside the shower and a shower chair, too. Wouldn't hurt to have them for me, anyway. The chair will make it easier to shave my legs now that I'm wearing a bathing suit everywhere I go.

Oooh Peregrine I have a grab bar that attaches to the side of the tub and it just clamps on. it makes it great for cleaning it, just unscrew it, clean and clamp it back on.. You just have to be careful if you have a fiberglass bathtub you can't tighten it too much. this link is similar to what i have they are actually reaaaaally cheap too

**Peregrine Magic** · 05-01-2007, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by BlueMoonWolf

Oooh Peregrine I have a grab bar that attaches to the side of the tub and it just clamps on. it makes it great for cleaning it, just unscrew it, clean and clamp it back on.. You just have to be careful if you have a fiberglass bathtub you can't tighten it too much. this link is similar to what i have they are actually reaaaaally cheap too

Thanks! I like the idea of it not damaging the tub, so that won't be an issue when I sell this place. I'm going to try steel my nerves to go to the home depot today (we're having freeway issues here) to look around at adaptations there also. Fortunately my stairs have a landing half way up where I can put a chair for Mom to rest if necessary. We'll just have to make sure to keep someone sturdy right behind her. I wouldn't have chosen stairs-- I got into this place through a lottery for "moderate income" people and it's the luck of the draw-- but the view is pretty for the time being. I'll move when I have to.

Blessings...

Peregrine

**Shyfemmekat** · 05-01-2007, 02:38 PM

Well, I received my papers today and it looks like I will be leaving for Washington again in about two weeks.

I will be staying here:

Hyatt Arlington http://arlington.hyatt.com/hyatt/hotels/

It is going to be a very busy time and long days. A lot of my time is going to be taken up with meetings, etc., some of which will be held here:

Cannon House Office Building http://www.aoc.gov/cc/cobs/chob.cfm

The best news is that I am NOT flying US Airways. Thank you, God.

I am going to be cleaning house a lot and trying to rest as I can before I leave, so I will not be on here as much. Have to figure out clothes and all that and brush up on my etiquette.

Hope everyone is having a great day!

SFK

**akadyke** · 05-01-2007, 04:44 PM

i am proud of you sfk.

a.

**hellboi** · 05-01-2007, 05:28 PM

Fantastick, SFK....I'm sure you're manners will be just fine....you'll charm them..as you do us.

I'll be absent for awhile as well...not really sure how long yet. the meds have done a great job as far as getting some memory back for me...in fact..they have done a superb job of that...but they have failed to eleminate the problem...and now..well...I am told some surgery will be required to do that. Tests must be run first, of course, to see if I am a candidate to survive such surgery...so I must check into the hospital for a few days for that testing...if I am a candidate...the surgery will be performed at that time...if not..well..I'll be "seeing" y'all in a few days....and checking out the local rest homes.

**Sweetstonefemme** · 05-01-2007, 08:24 PM

Please send all unwanted books to me............

Originally Posted by Peregrine Magic

LOL. Even though none of you ever actually saw me in a bathing suit, I am choosing to be flattered.

And Shy, YEAH! We do rock!

Thanks.

Then you'll like the new and improved version I sent you even more.

My gawd, I just got up and may have to go back to bed after just reading your post.

How'd it go?

*******
I sorted out four big bags of clothes for Goodwill and am starting to eye the rest of my house. It's liberating to get rid of stuff I don't use. Or stuff that brings up unpleasant memories. I think I'll go through my books next.

My parents are coming to visit in about a week for my daughter's graduation from UC Berkeley. (Yes, I did name drop the brilliant young woman's school.) So I need to do whatever I can to make space. I love my place but it's not enormous.

My mom's going to challenged enough by the stairs to my front door-- I want to make other things as easy as possible. She was completely immobilized and nearly died last year of a reaction to lovastatin, and still has some muscle weakness in her legs. (Read the packaging carefully before taking that family of drugs.

) Now that I'm thinking about it, I'd better go get a grab bar to install outside the shower and a shower chair, too. Wouldn't hurt to have them for me, anyway. The chair will make it easier to shave my legs now that I'm wearing a bathing suit everywhere I go.

Spontaneous healing,
Peregrine

**Woodie69** · 05-01-2007, 09:32 PM

SFK,

I am just so proud of you. You make my heart sing with joy every time I come here.

Be patient for the return phone call...Verizon promises to have our phones to us in one more day. We will see about that.

PM,

You are one hot babe in that bathingsuit!

Post pics of you in it. You know I'm a pervert (hehehe). I just adore you!

BMW,

You rock bro!

Just a quick update on my hand/wrist. I have to under go a complete 2 day functioning test to see if I can return to work eventhough I am not driving yet. My employer's insurance carrier called my ortho. surgeon and got him to write a rx for this test. Of course, my ortho surgeon easily forgot to contact me or my attorney first (ignoring our phone calls).

When I see him on Friday it is not going to be pretty. And Mrs. Rosie is going with me. So you know what will happen...yep. It will be ugly.

Love and peace to all,
Andrew

**Gossamer** · 05-01-2007, 10:10 PM

HI all, hope everyone is doing ok today.

May 1st was Blogging Against Disablism Day, if you haven't been it's worth checking out over at http://blobolobolob.blogspot.com/200...-day-2007.html

**baynurse** · 05-01-2007, 11:36 PM

Alma aka baynurse will be performing on the radio on KPFA in SF bay area KPFK in Los Angeles area. It is a radio show put on by people with disabilities called "Pushing Limits" you may also see it on line at www.KPFA.com after this friday at 2:30 pm when it will air 94.1 in bay area I read a piece of work written by a man with severe dystonia, he cannot be understood when he talks. He is a performance artist himself Neil Marcus. He travels all over the country, he and I made a video too. I am also trying to publish an anthology of writing by people with disabilities on the subjects of sex, sexuality, and erotica. I am looking for contributers if you have a disability and would like to write and possibly get published. Alma

**espresso** · 05-02-2007, 11:03 AM

Hello! Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I've got a sinus infection, which is driving me nuts.

I do have a question for everyone. One of the most bothersome symptoms with my MS is the extreme fatigue. For those of you who have this, do you have any tips/advice on how you deal with it. I usually head to Starbucks, but on days like today even that isn't enough. I also take Provigil.

I'll be back later after I've rested and I'll read the posts from the last few days.

Wishing you all a good day!

**Shyfemmekat** · 05-02-2007, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by akadyke

i am proud of you sfk.

a.

You don't know how much that means.

SFK

**akadyke** · 05-02-2007, 03:07 PM

sending a warm and hard hug to sfk. i am here for you always. and i know i am not here for myself right now... but i am here.

lots o' hugs.

your peep, a.

**guitarboi** · 05-02-2007, 03:09 PM

I'm a bit confused...Shy where are you going? I'm proud of you anyway, but what is it you will be doing...I missed something somewhere.

**Shyfemmekat** · 05-02-2007, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by espresso

Hello! Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I've got a sinus infection, which is driving me nuts.

I do have a question for everyone. One of the most bothersome symptoms with my MS is the extreme fatigue. For those of you who have this, do you have any tips/advice on how you deal with it. I usually head to Starbucks, but on days like today even that isn't enough. I also take Provigil.

I'll be back later after I've rested and I'll read the posts from the last few days.

Wishing you all a good day!

I break my sleep into two chunks, usually. One chunk every 12 hours, big chunk at night and a smaller chunk in the afternoon. Heavy foods make me more tired, although I love them. I do some jobs sitting and switch off with others where I can't sit. I don't take showers as long or as hot of ones as I used to. I have eliminated many people and many things that drain my energy. I just don't have it to waste any more. I am trying to drink more water, that helps a lot.

There are a couple ideas for you...hope they help.

SFK

**Shyfemmekat** · 05-02-2007, 03:31 PM

Today is the two year anniversary since I was diagnosed with MS. I remember this day in 2005 because I wouldn't get out of bed for the longest time. I knew that my life as I had known it thus far was over, and I kept thinking if I didn't get out of bed it wouldn't happen. I lay there and looked at the ceiling with this smothering feeling of dread for like an hour.

I have been in a bad space today. Part of me is still grieving, I think. The ripple effect, perhaps, but I am also missing my best friend today, and grieving other people I have loved and lost for various reasons. Thus the soundtrack this evening is gloomy as well, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Chevelle (nod to DAYWALKER there).

Some days are just really hard. This is one of them.

SFK

**LADY FLAMEZZZ** · 05-02-2007, 04:40 PM

runs in quick before heading to work.....((((((((((shy)))))))))

reminds everyone the days are getting longer and hotter.....stay cool....plenty of fluids....and vitamin C please.......

utilize the shade trees and enjoy the beauty of the birds singing reminding us each day brings new life

kisses to all much love from our home to yours !!!!!

**Peregrine Magic** · 05-02-2007, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by Shyfemmekat

Today is the two year anniversary since I was diagnosed with MS.

Not a happy anniversary. Would it help to tell the story? Sometimes when I am having a flashback to something painful it's better if I just talk to someone about it.

Then again, sometimes not.

I only "celebrate" (mark? there must be another word than celebrate

) one of my diagnoses, December 16th, my first cancer diagnosis. Fortunately the dates of the other two didn't stick in my head. Sometimes it pays to be a little scatterbrained.

Peregrine

**guitarboi** · 05-02-2007, 06:07 PM

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

GB

Originally Posted by Shyfemmekat

Today is the two year anniversary since I was diagnosed with MS. I remember this day in 2005 because I wouldn't get out of bed for the longest time. I knew that my life as I had known it thus far was over, and I kept thinking if I didn't get out of bed it wouldn't happen. I lay there and looked at the ceiling with this smothering feeling of dread for like an hour.

I have been in a bad space today. Part of me is still grieving, I think. The ripple effect, perhaps, but I am also missing my best friend today, and grieving other people I have loved and lost for various reasons. Thus the soundtrack this evening is gloomy as well, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, and Chevelle (nod to DAYWALKER there).

Some days are just really hard. This is one of them.

SFK

**hellboi** · 05-02-2007, 06:19 PM

SFK...you are feeling depressed....and you are listening to depressing music??? *good...but depressing*

NO....no no no no no....this simply will NOT do!
it is imperative that you go out immediately..and by the cheesiest mariache and/or polka cds available...crank up the sound full tilt chix...put on finger puppets...and use them to do the "death of swan" dance from "swan lake"...in rhythum to the music playing.
Either that...or watch videos of lawrence welk with the sound turned down and Aerosmith playing...and bag on the "who shot the picnic blanket" dresses alla the women are wearing...or watch the videos with the sound up and crack up at how they can't lip sinc, walk, and water fake flowers with empty toy watering cans at the same time.
*always raises my spirits anyway

*

**espresso** · 05-02-2007, 11:05 PM

Hello all! I've greatly enjoyed reading all the posts from the last few days! I admire all the strength and courage shown on this thread! May you all have a great evening. I'm still trying to get rid of this sinus infection.

**Shyfemmekat** · 05-03-2007, 06:05 AM

Thanks to everyone for numerous phone calls, PM's, IM's, and general de-crabbing well wishes. Today is another day and I feel better.

I may not always be perky but I am real, at any rate,

Hugs,
SFK