Physical Disability & Self-Esteem: Life As It Is Now, Coming To Terms, Rising Above

[aceman131963]

hey e1, just need to vent a bit. i was so excited to be getting my back therapy and they cancelled it on the same day. Something going on with my insurance (as usual). I am in alot of pain as many of us are and i feel like IT HAS GOT TO STOP NOW, but of course that is not going to happen. And the knees will be looked at next week. It's finally nice out now and can hardly to anything. Forget tennis, go for walking, siting up and down, stairs with no pain. My goals are getting lower and lower. I am filled with so much JOY! I am glad to have you guys and to see your stories and to have a site like this. Sorry to ramble. Rhoda, I am coming!

[hellboi]

Hot green tea is not as conducive to sleep as one might imagine. I'm exhausted...I really, really need to sleep now.

[Rhoda]

Now see that? That's a fella that knows what women want..........yeppers......

[Rhoda]

Hot green tea is not as conducive to sleep as one might imagine. I'm exhausted...I really, really need to sleep now.

Try catnip tea, or the Celestial Seasonings Tea Extra Strength Sleepytime Tea, it has valarian root, or just take valarian capsules straight...smells like old gym socks but some folks swear by it....

[Rhoda]

[QUOTE=aceman131963;3272226]hey e1, just need to vent a bit. i was so excited to be getting my back therapy and they cancelled it on the same day. Something going on with my insurance (as usual). I am in alot of pain as many of us are and i feel like IT HAS GOT TO STOP NOW, but of course that is not going to happen. And the knees will be looked at next week. It's finally nice out now and can hardly to anything. Forget tennis, go for walking, siting up and down, stairs with no pain. My goals are getting lower and lower. I am filled with so much JOY! I am glad to have you guys and to see your stories and to have a site like this. Sorry to ramble. Rhoda, I am coming![/QUOTE]


Okie dokie, Ace, ummmm, should i get the guest room ready????

It's kinda a mess right now, guess i better go pick up my craft messes

[Shyfemmekat]

Try catnip tea, or the Celestial Seasonings Tea Extra Strength Sleepytime Tea, it has valarian root, or just take valarian capsules straight...smells like old gym socks but some folks swear by it....

Sometimes it works pretty well...

[Shyfemmekat]

Now see that? That's a fella that knows what women want..........yeppers......

I'll take sparkles and a cute butch butt in tight Levi's 559 jeans for $500, Alex...

[Shyfemmekat]

hey e1, just need to vent a bit. i was so excited to be getting my back therapy and they cancelled it on the same day. Something going on with my insurance (as usual). I am in alot of pain as many of us are and i feel like IT HAS GOT TO STOP NOW, but of course that is not going to happen. And the knees will be looked at next week. It's finally nice out now and can hardly to anything. Forget tennis, go for walking, siting up and down, stairs with no pain. My goals are getting lower and lower. I am filled with so much JOY! I am glad to have you guys and to see your stories and to have a site like this. Sorry to ramble. Rhoda, I am coming!

Hey, venting is all good here when you need to. Hope you get to feeling better soon.

[Rhoda]

ummmm, yer teasin' me right ACE???

[hellboi]

Celestial Seasonings is letting me down.

[Rhoda]

This morning while chatting with a friend, he shared another really incredible couples tool for bonding and building a stronger connection with lover/partner.

The work of Susan M Johnson, she pioneered Emotion Focused Therapy, EFT for short.

The layman's book is called "Hold Me Tight: 7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love"

ISBN: 10-0316113007

Am ordering it through my local library's interlibrary loan system, cause my local library does not have a copy.....

Run do not walk to get this book and read it with your significant other...... or your dog/cat/pet ..... just make sure you read it.... EFT trained counselors are all over the US, Canada, and Europe, google it and there is a website that lists all qualified counselors.

[Shyfemmekat]

Good afternoon, y'all.

I just wanted to take a moment to remember all of our servicepeople...those who currently serve and those who have in the past...those who died in service to our country and the POW's and MIA's...you are honored and never forgotten.

[PrimoKnight65]

Thank you for posting to the veterans. As you know I am a veteran, and always appreciate when someone acknowledges the sacrifices our soldiers, sailors and airmen make to keep this country safe, and free.

[Shyfemmekat]

Just bumping this back up to the front again...no specific cause but I thought maybe anyone new might want to read...

As a stone femme who has MS and other conditions my life has changed because my level of ability to do things has altered. Things that were once simple have now become more difficult, requiring modifications. Acitivities that once brought me much pleasure have had to be abandoned or severly curtailed because of my health issues.

The changes on my brain have made me more emotional, more irritable, less patient. I am quick to anger and quick to cry. I forget things easily. Sometimes I have to search for the right word I want when words used to roll off my tongue without conscious thought. I become frustrated easily. It affects me socially as well.

As a result of my health issues my self esteem level is sometimes VERY low. I find myself feeling less than feminine, very un-femme-ly, for lack of a better word. I can't wear high heels any more because my balance is horrible. I sometimes wonder what I have to offer my partner, being that my condition is a chronic lifetime one that will not suddenly get better. It may only stay the same or worsen with time.

I suspect I am not the only one who feels these things. I would like to hear from others who have physical disabilities and feel these things. What is your story? Do you feel less attractive, less "femme/butch/insert your choice of gender term here"? How do you cope? What are your experiences? How do you keep truckin' on?

I would ask a few things:

1) Be respectful at all times. Not everyone here will share your POV and/or politics. That's OK. We are all different.
2) If you cannot be supportive of those who participate, please go elsewhere.
3) Not everyone who may post here will ID the same way. Someone may ID as "lesbian", another as FTM. That's okay. Quibbling about someone's gender ID, etc., is NOT what this thread is being started for. Please keep that kind of stuff out of the thread.
4) Not everyone will feel perky at all times. That is OK too. Judicious ranting about your condition is allowed.
5) This is a place of support, a place where folks can share all kinds of deep things, ask questions, etc. It is hard for some to share, so let's keep it positive and encouraging! If you have a personal issue with someone, handle it in a PM. Do not attack someone in a post to the thread. It will not be tolerated.

I believe in being up front, so:

NO DRAMA. NO FLAMING. PERIOD.

Let's get the ball rolling!

Namaste,
ShyFemmeKat

[hellboi]

Good morning. Hope everyone is feeling alright today. Just on my way out to get some lab work done. Hopefully I'll be able to resume my chemo this week. (for the RA) It's been unusually cool and wet this spring and I must admit the weather has been unkind to my old bones. lol

[Rhoda]

Good morning. Hope everyone is feeling alright today. Just on my way out to get some lab work done. Hopefully I'll be able to resume my chemo this week. (for the RA) It's been unusually cool and wet this spring and I must admit the weather has been unkind to my old bones. lol

(((((Hellboi)))))

[aceman131963]

[QUOTE=Rhoda;3272233]

hey e1, just need to vent a bit. i was so excited to be getting my back therapy and they cancelled it on the same day. Something going on with my insurance (as usual). I am in alot of pain as many of us are and i feel like IT HAS GOT TO STOP NOW, but of course that is not going to happen. And the knees will be looked at next week. It's finally nice out now and can hardly to anything. Forget tennis, go for walking, siting up and down, stairs with no pain. My goals are getting lower and lower. I am filled with so much JOY! I am glad to have you guys and to see your stories and to have a site like this. Sorry to ramble. Rhoda, I am coming![/QUOTE]

kie dokie, Ace, ummmm, should i get the guest room ready????

It's kinda a mess right now, guess i better go pick up my craft messes

Naw, the other place!

[Shyfemmekat]

I ask a favor to all who post or lurk....

I have a family member who is in for medical testing right now...please pray for them...I don't ask for prayer for me, only for them...

my hands are shaking...
Thank you.

[aceman131963]

I ask a favor to all who post or lurk....

I have a family member who is in for medical testing right now...please pray for them...I don't ask for prayer for me, only for them...

my hands are shaking...
Thank you.

I pray for your family member and you and your whole family.

[Shyfemmekat]

I pray for your family member and you and your whole family.

I want to thank you for this, ace. Jakie, thank you for your precious phone call yesterday when my ass fell off. *wiggling a bit* Yes, it's tied back on now. Giving you a big .

I got a phone call and everything is fine for the forseeable future. What a relief. I thank God for the news and for all y'all for being the kind of people you are.

[StarFire]

Hi!

Plz call me Star.

I have epilepsy, Tourettes ( no I don't swear I make other noises uncontrollably at times or physically jerk.) and ASD. I am very literal and damn I just don't understand things with more than one meaning. This is hard for me to disclose but I need SOMEwhere to go to talk.

As a femme with a bit of tomboy sometimes, I feel less than during my low points. I feel undesirable because I don't work fulltime, have a big steady income, I tic vocally and physically (sometimes at the same time) and like dear lord, who'd want to deal with that??? Sorry for the momentary self pity...

Do any of you have neurological issues? Anyone else have the issues I do?
Are there others like me who do not understand mind games nor play them? Maybe others who are so literal they can't answer some questions because the words have too many meanings or there are too many ways to answer a particular question and you just go blank? It isn't about lying, it's about not knowing what others are asking or mean.

I haven't read the entire thread, yet, so some of this may be redundant, if it is, I apologize. How do you handle feeling less feminine or masculine as result of your issues? What coping skills do you utilize or reccomend? I am not usually this down. Today is simply a bump in the road for me but sometimes, damn it's hard.

I'm open to suggestions.

Thanks for listening.
Star

[aceman131963]

I want to thank you for this, ace. Jakie, thank you for your precious phone call yesterday when my ass fell off. *wiggling a bit* Yes, it's tied back on now. Giving you a big .

I got a phone call and everything is fine for the forseeable future. What a relief. I thank God for the news and for all y'all for being the kind of people you are.

Thank God! I am so happy!

[Rhoda]

Hi!

Plz call me Star.

Are there others like me who do not understand mind games nor play them? Maybe others who are so literal they can't answer some questions because the words have too many meanings or there are too many ways to answer a particular question and you just go blank? It isn't about lying, it's about not knowing what others are asking or mean.


I'm open to suggestions.

Thanks for listening.
Star

Not sure if I completely understand what you are asking about the NON-mind game talk, in my experience what you are describing is called "command language" it is considered a typically "male" style of communication and listening... it is the stuff divorces and fights are made of.... for example

if i need the trash taken out or the snow shoveled off the porch, i would say to my male id Butch ......" Hellboi, take out the trash and shovel the snow off the porch "

and my male id butch would say, "be right back" and dutifully take out the trash and shovel the porch......

if i need the sewing scissors, and a pen i would say to ShyFemmeKat......(who is very femme)
"Shy, honey, the next time you go near the sewing machine, if it's not too much trouble, could you bring me the sewing scissors and a pen?" and Shy would say, " Sure Rhoda, I'm fixing dinner right now, but i will as soon as this sauce is smooth, is that okay?"

to which I would reply, "that would be great! do you need any help?" and Shy would say, "omg yes, could you set the table for me if you aren't too busy?" and I would say back to Shy, "no trouble at all, where do you keep the silverware?"

Typical female style of communication is like a dance of sorts, with lots of negoitation and subtle messages that are not apparent unless you have been trained from infancy to communicate that way....

The book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", illustrates this in a way that is easy to understand and learn..

Hope that helps?......

[hellboi]

" Hellboi, take out the trash and shovel the snow off the porch "

Hmmpf!!! What's the magic word????

[Rhoda]

Sorry Hellboi,

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

OMG, didn't snap until i was cleaning out the coffee pot that i said you were MY BUTCH!!!

Whoops, senior moment, i plead the fifth of Jack....roflmao


The magic words are " i gotch yer TWINKIE right here Mister, when yer done..." *weg


Please note that those magic words are exclusively to be used when Hellboi is your Butch...... ummm hummm, pay attention Ladies,...... Consult your secret "what does your butch want?" manual that went out Monday to all the femmes......

at 11.......bring and , I already picked up case of Twinkies for Hellboi as penance....

[hellboi]

Sorry Hellboi,

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?

OMG, didn't snap until i was cleaning out the coffee pot that i said you were MY BUTCH!!!

Whoops, senior moment, i plead the fifth of Jack....roflmao


The magic words are " i gotch yer TWINKIE right here Mister, when yer done..." *weg


Please note that those magic words are exclusively to be used when Hellboi is your Butch...... ummm hummm, pay attention Ladies,...... Consult your secret "what does your butch want?" manual that went out Monday to all the femmes......

at 11.......bring and , I already picked up case of Twinkies for Hellboi as penance....

well...I's just lookin for a "please"..but twinkies are good!!! All better now. lol

[StarFire]

Not sure if I completely understand what you are asking about the NON-mind game talk, in my experience what you are describing is called "command language" it is considered a typically "male" style of communication and listening... it is the stuff divorces and fights are made of.... for example

if i need the trash taken out or the snow shoveled off the porch, i would say to my male id Butch ......" Hellboi, take out the trash and shovel the snow off the porch "

and my male id butch would say, "be right back" and dutifully take out the trash and shovel the porch......

if i need the sewing scissors, and a pen i would say to ShyFemmeKat......(who is very femme)
"Shy, honey, the next time you go near the sewing machine, if it's not too much trouble, could you bring me the sewing scissors and a pen?" and Shy would say, " Sure Rhoda, I'm fixing dinner right now, but i will as soon as this sauce is smooth, is that okay?"

to which I would reply, "that would be great! do you need any help?" and Shy would say, "omg yes, could you set the table for me if you aren't too busy?" and I would say back to Shy, "no trouble at all, where do you keep the silverware?"

Typical female style of communication is like a dance of sorts, with lots of negoitation and subtle messages that are not apparent unless you have been trained from infancy to communicate that way....

The book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", illustrates this in a way that is easy to understand and learn..

Hope that helps?......

Hi Rhoda!

Actually I am a bit more confused. lol. Nothing new for me.

What I meant was I do not understand sarcasm, subtle jokes, comments etc. I also become confused if a word has more than one meaning. I am unsure how to answer someone, nor do I necessarily know what the context of the word is if it does have more than one meaning. I definitely do not understand the "femme" dynamics or speech patterns you pointed out. I would miss it completely. In fact, there have been many times, more than I can count, in my life when I "thought" I understood what another is saying and actually I had missed it entirely! I not only missed the meaning I missed the whole damn boat...lol. I misunderstand questions that can have vague and various responses. If there is more than one way to respond I freeze, get the RCA dog look and have to ask could you explain that more clearly please? I am sure it gets frustrating for my friends and family sometimes, but they do it anyway.

When things are very direct, very clear and concrete, I completely understand..........* joke here * Am I a butch in femme clothing ???
I love the examples you used. I just reread and am not as confused as when this response began!

Thank you so much for your loving explanation!

[Shyfemmekat]

Just poking my nose in real quick. My shot is kicking my ass today...must have been an extra spicy batch of Interferon. Anyway I am wicked sick, y'all. Thanks for phone calls, good peoples. Should be feeling better tomorrow. Am getting some TLC and you know how that helps when you are feeling bad.

Hope everyone is having a good day today. Will come back and answer posts in depth tomorrow most likely.

[StarFire]

I just realized somethings I wanted to say and neglected to write.
I do not understand facial expressions generally. I miss emotional visual cues unless extremely overt. Ex: BIG angry faces, sad/crying, laughter/smiling those I get. Facial expressions of others, unless I have known you long enough or have the guts to ask, escape me. I become confused. Also my tone of voice does not always match my emotions or thoughts/ thought process at the moment. I wear my emotions on my face, cannnot lie and blurt out the truth without meaning to do so or meaning to sound blunt. I do not understand things like coyness( literally I know the definition but figuratively I don't get it), the "games people play while being indirect, wanting something w/o asking for it directly, those "femme wiles thing ", etc. I am unabashedly me and upfront. I work very hard to not always be black and white attempting to understand grey areas. I have succeeded in recent years at becoming more able to do the grey.

Ah well, such is life, eh?

[Rhoda]

I just realized somethings I wanted to say and neglected to write.
I do not understand facial expressions generally. I miss emotional visual cues unless extremely overt. Ex: BIG angry faces, sad/crying, laughter/smiling those I get. Facial expressions of others, unless I have known you long enough or have the guts to ask, escape me. I become confused. Also my tone of voice does not always match my emotions or thoughts/ thought process at the moment. I wear my emotions on my face, cannnot lie and blurt out the truth without meaning to do so or meaning to sound blunt. I do not understand things like coyness( literally I know the definition but figuratively I don't get it), the "games people play while being indirect, wanting something w/o asking for it directly, those "femme wiles thing ", etc. I am unabashedly me and upfront. I work very hard to not always be black and white attempting to understand grey areas. I have succeeded in recent years at becoming more able to do the grey.

Ah well, such is life, eh?

These issues are MUCH more common than we realize.... and believe it or not these same issues are in other cultures around the world..... My first experience with a male id butch taught me that they are (speaking generally here folks) wired up in their heads as all male all the time, so to speak. They use "command" language as their primary communication style, and in many relationships i have known over the years, the most frustrating thing for most Butches is that they do not understand or "get" the traditional (united states) feminine style of communication....

Common mistakes are telling the butch (sometimes doesn't matter if male id or not), "figure it out" "I'm not gonna explain it to you, you should know what you did wrong".

All this does is increase the frustration level of the butch and continues to anger the femme because she thinks hye is playing stupid on purpose to piss her off..... nothing could be more wrong.... Clear communication can make or break a relationship into little pieces..... it's sad really, the information is out there, you just have to go to the library or google it online.... My take on this is that because when a butch has a female body presentation, it is easy to assume that the female bodied person is also wired to communicate like a feminine woman..... but that's not what is happening, my simple suggestion is to speak to a butch like you would your brother or dad and see if anything changes.....

I could talk all night about communication studies and what i have learned over many years of study.... of course it doesn't mean I'm a perfect communicator, because I have offended many people many times without meaning to, because i had a clueless moment and spoke out of turn, or something fell outta my mouth like a gumball machine...... I am continually embarrassed by my stupidity and lack of decorum at times...... and then there are other moments when i make perfect sense and say the right things at all the right times...... guess after that fire raged through my head things got a little toasted??? Well, that's the only thread i have to hang onto at this time.... Sorry, hope that made sense?

The term "2 x 4 butch" is a rude illustration of my point.... the idea that he has to be hit with a 2x4 to "get it", whatever "IT" is...... he is not clueless or playing stupid or trying to piss you off, or get away with something. He REALLY does not know what the hell you are talking about, because the feminine style is "persuasion" or something like that, i would have to look it up again to give you the correct terminology.... so unless you were raised to use or your brain was wired to "use" the feminine style the "command" language style person will never understand the "rules of engagement", in other words, what the heck is going on with all the talk talk talk and no information to hold onto.

Perhaps you know someone or heard someone say to their partner, "just spit it out, what the heck do you want from me? What do you want me to do?" That person is looking for instructions, a "command" request..... they can't decipher what they don't understand.... it's like asking someone to tell you what time it is, and in response to your request for the time, they give you an hour long monologue about why Suzie Q left her bf and what she should have done, and why it is never gonna fly with the way she dresses or styles her poodles before the dog show...... see how the two styles clash and make communication impossible???

Okay, now that i've done another marathon post, i will go for now and check back later if you have any questions or concerns, hope this helped a little bit.....

Remember the tv sitcom "Friends" and the one with Jerry Seinfeld? They are excellent at presenting all the strange nuances of human communication and meltdown of communication...... take a second look at those shows, you will "see" what i "mean"

[Shyfemmekat]

Good morning, folks! Trying to get going...it's a high pain day today. Planning on getting back on here later to get caught up again.

Tomorrow is the birthday of one of our regulars here, PrimoKnight65. Here is the link to the birthday thread for them:
http://www.butch-femme.com/showthread.php?38541-Happy-Birthday-PrimoKnight65!-%28June-6th%29

[Lien]

Hey everyone,

I'm glad I came across this forum- it's been validating reading through some of the posts. I'm a femme who's in a relationship with a stone butch who has major back pain. we've been together for 2 years and during the past year, her pain has gotten worse and our sex life has been non-existent for over a year. She is my best friend and I love and adore her with all my heart, but it's been excruciating for me to suppress my needs for her. The good news is that we've been to a few couples counseling sessions to talk about intimacy issues, she's had back surgery and is currently recovering from it, and she's made an appointment with an endocrinologist to see if she has any hormonal imbalances that may also contribute to her low libido.

With all of these changes, however, I'm still feeling very lonely. It'll be another few months before she completely heals from the surgery. She is fully committed to getting better and making it work for us, but I can't help but be hit with periods of depression and sadness over what she hasn't been giving me. Is this unreasonable and selfish? It's just very tough because in the 2 years we've been together, her pain has always been a huge part of our relationship and it's hard for me to imagine how our lives would be otherwise.

Any advice/suggestions/comments/whatever would be dearly welcomed!!!

[ArchAngel Gabriel]

Hey everyone,

I'm glad I came across this forum- it's been validating reading through some of the posts. I'm a femme who's in a relationship with a stone butch who has major back pain. we've been together for 2 years and during the past year, her pain has gotten worse and our sex life has been non-existent for over a year. She is my best friend and I love and adore her with all my heart, but it's been excruciating for me to suppress my needs for her. The good news is that we've been to a few couples counseling sessions to talk about intimacy issues, she's had back surgery and is currently recovering from it, and she's made an appointment with an endocrinologist to see if she has any hormonal imbalances that may also contribute to her low libido.

With all of these changes, however, I'm still feeling very lonely. It'll be another few months before she completely heals from the surgery. She is fully committed to getting better and making it work for us, but I can't help but be hit with periods of depression and sadness over what she hasn't been giving me. Is this unreasonable and selfish? It's just very tough because in the 2 years we've been together, her pain has always been a huge part of our relationship and it's hard for me to imagine how our lives would be otherwise.

Any advice/suggestions/comments/whatever would be dearly welcomed!!!

I tend to take care of business alone and keep letting her know I love her no matter what and sometimes when we both hit a good day things happen. It is definately not like at first but we both are also not quite young blades anymore either.I am dealing with fibromyalgia which is flairing right now only this time it is rather painful misfires but hey i know it shall pass. i button up and just keep going. She deals with depression and several other things. Above all though since i am definately my fathers child and therefore my mind is very willing to enjoy but both my body and hers arent always just take care of things and be patient. there is no shame in going solo you know. could be i spent the better pasrt of 20 years alone to help me fit right in that slot.. good luck. mainly just keep the affection going and the caring.

G.

[Lien]

I tend to take care of business alone and keep letting her know I love her no matter what and sometimes when we both hit a good day things happen. It is definately not like at first but we both are also not quite young blades anymore either.I am dealing with fibromyalgia which is flairing right now only this time it is rather painful misfires but hey i know it shall pass. i button up and just keep going. She deals with depression and several other things. Above all though since i am definately my fathers child and therefore my mind is very willing to enjoy but both my body and hers arent always just take care of things and be patient. there is no shame in going solo you know. could be i spent the better pasrt of 20 years alone to help me fit right in that slot.. good luck. mainly just keep the affection going and the caring.

G.

Thanks for sharing, Gabriel. I'm glad that you and your partner are making it work as best as possible. The problem with my situation is that my girlfriend is a littler older and more settled, whereas I'm younger and need more passion in my life. She tells me I'm sexy but my defenses have built up over time and I've made myself not believe her anymore. It's so rough...

[ArchAngel Gabriel]

Thanks for sharing, Gabriel. I'm glad that you and your partner are making it work as best as possible. The problem with my situation is that my girlfriend is a littler older and more settled, whereas I'm younger and need more passion in my life. She tells me I'm sexy but my defenses have built up over time and I've made myself not believe her anymore. It's so rough...

believe her

[Shyfemmekat]

Thanks for sharing, Gabriel. I'm glad that you and your partner are making it work as best as possible. The problem with my situation is that my girlfriend is a littler older and more settled, whereas I'm younger and need more passion in my life. She tells me I'm sexy but my defenses have built up over time and I've made myself not believe her anymore. It's so rough...

I agree with Gabe. This is an area I struggle with myself, due to past issues and weight crap as well. I am reaching out in faith on it as I don't want those old tapes to taint what I have now. Life is too short for that.

She obviously loves you..let her.

[Shyfemmekat]

Good morning. Hope everyone is feeling alright today. Just on my way out to get some lab work done. Hopefully I'll be able to resume my chemo this week. (for the RA) It's been unusually cool and wet this spring and I must admit the weather has been unkind to my old bones. lol

So what's up with this? Did you hear whether it's a go?

[PrimoKnight65]

Starfire in your post you said :

"As a femme with a bit of tomboy sometimes, I feel less than during my low points. I feel undesirable because I don't work fulltime, have a big steady income"

I can tell you from my point of view as a butch that I have run into the same feelings and have also experienced some people who didn't even want to be friends with me because I am out on 100% disability, and am not working. It's hard to explain to someone that is working what it feels like to be judged by the cash in the bank instead of the character of the person. I struggled with feeling "less than" for a year or two after being unable to work, and finally decided that anyone that didn't want to be friends with me because of my financial status obviously was someone that I didn't need or want as a friend anyway.
Sometimes we forget that we are not defined by what we do, or how much we make, that we are the sum of all parts. Maybe I am naive, but I feel that is something that people in general forget, and what we forget about ourselves. That was what made it so hard for me when I stopped working, for so long I had defined myself by the job I did, and the amount of things that the money allowed me to have. To wake up one day and realize that you are so much more that just that part was a eye opening experience for me.
You will find all types of people on here, some that work, some that can't work and some that are not working at the moment, remember that we are more than what we do in life, we are a sum of our experiences, or thoughts and feelings.

[Shyfemmekat]

Hi!

Plz call me Star.

I have epilepsy, Tourettes ( no I don't swear I make other noises uncontrollably at times or physically jerk.) and ASD. I am very literal and damn I just don't understand things with more than one meaning. This is hard for me to disclose but I need SOMEwhere to go to talk.

As a femme with a bit of tomboy sometimes, I feel less than during my low points. I feel undesirable because I don't work fulltime, have a big steady income, I tic vocally and physically (sometimes at the same time) and like dear lord, who'd want to deal with that??? Sorry for the momentary self pity...

Do any of you have neurological issues? Anyone else have the issues I do?
Are there others like me who do not understand mind games nor play them? Maybe others who are so literal they can't answer some questions because the words have too many meanings or there are too many ways to answer a particular question and you just go blank? It isn't about lying, it's about not knowing what others are asking or mean.

I haven't read the entire thread, yet, so some of this may be redundant, if it is, I apologize. How do you handle feeling less feminine or masculine as result of your issues? What coping skills do you utilize or reccomend? I am not usually this down. Today is simply a bump in the road for me but sometimes, damn it's hard.

I'm open to suggestions.

Thanks for listening.
Star

Hi!

I had a friend who had one son with Asperger's and another child with Organic Brain Syndrome and it was a learning experience. I'd had no previous experience with it and it's been years ago. I would love for you to share any info about the conditions you mentioned. I strive to be more educated.

I'm pleased that you decided to post here. We always welcome new folks.

The issues surrounding being unable to work, being on disability income only, etc., are a pain in the ass sometimes. I have felt "less than" because of my inability to be on equal footing financially. Icky feeling, especially when people are negative. I'm at a point now where I can say, "Hey, this is how it is." Took a while, though, to be honest.

This is a safe place to vent, as I mentioned in the opening post for the thread. Another reason why I like to bump that post in the thread periodically. We all need a safe, supportive place to talk about things.

I personally have MS, and part of my experience with MS thus far involves cognitive issues and some vocal stuff. Forgetting things, stuttering at times , slow word recall, and of course some physical crap like weakness, etc.

I don't do mind games. Don't have time for them. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I am not afraid to ask for clarification or ask someone to repeat. It still pisses me off but I do it anyway. Sometimes there is a skip in my record and I may not catch everything the first time. This does NOT mean I wasn't listening and when I get accused of not paying attention it makes me angry. Anyone I care about understands.

I also deal with other conditions: fibromyalgia, edema (from a past blood clot in my leg), PTSD and bipolar. Bipolar is the worst thing I deal with, I think. I have days when it wants to kill me, to be blunt. The other things are hassles more than anything.

I've had to make some concessions due to my conditions. High heels, at least for right now, are out. I have a no-fuss hairstyle. I try to keep my life pretty simple so I don't get freaked out. I keep myself surrounded with good people and I take my meds.

I am blessed in that I have had a lot of support along the way. My boyfriend is extremely understanding and doesn't think I am any less femme because of the things I deal with. I am lucky and I know it. My friends know the conditions I have and that there I times I have to work around them and there are times when I may not be the most fun person to be around.

I have days when all this health and emotional crap gets me down, too. That's why I started this thread. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

[Shyfemmekat]

I tend to take care of business alone and keep letting her know I love her no matter what and sometimes when we both hit a good day things happen. It is definately not like at first but we both are also not quite young blades anymore either.I am dealing with fibromyalgia which is flairing right now only this time it is rather painful misfires but hey i know it shall pass. i button up and just keep going. She deals with depression and several other things. Above all though since i am definately my fathers child and therefore my mind is very willing to enjoy but both my body and hers arent always just take care of things and be patient. there is no shame in going solo you know. could be i spent the better pasrt of 20 years alone to help me fit right in that slot.. good luck. mainly just keep the affection going and the caring.

G.

Loved this post. I have always loved your posts and your attitude. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. Don't be a stranger, honey. Best to you and yours.