Physical Disability & Self-Esteem: Life As It Is Now, Coming To Terms, Rising Above

[Shyfemmekat]

hello folks...been busy going to all these specialists...rheumatologists, back Drs, gynos and breast specialists, etc. Its a FT job being disabled/sick. LOL.

But...the interesting fact is that as I go thru these motions and attend to all my health issues, i am feeling stronger..in mind and body. Yesterday I spent the day outside, doing yard stuff and working in my shed. Now, I took breaks but I still did more than I have been able to do since I moved to Ohio. It feels good.

I am wondering if people experience what I call Strong swing Weak swing? There are days I am flat on my back wondering if I am going to end up in ER, and other times like yesterday where I can lift a wardrobe with a friend's help and get it in the house (ok...she did most of the work..i was just balancing it but STILL)...

when i am in my Strong swing, people ask me if I still think I am disabled. It appears to them I am "fixed". I shake my head...this invisibility during the Strong swing is what kept me in denial for so long about myself so I can understand where they are coming from, but these are also the people who have to buy my groceries and walk my dog when I am down for the count...

I know their question is based in hope for me...

but boy, disability IS disability...even when it doesnt show...

I go through that. Some days I feel so weak and icky and then other days I feel fantastic. I have gotten the same comments. They still make me angry, especially when the people know I have something that, at present, cannot be cured. I lost my temper once and said, "So if I was having a crappy day you would be more okay with that? I have a really good day and now suddenly I'm cured or something? Now I'll never need your help again?" And the ones like, "Well, if you can do that today then you're not that sick." "No, I am just having a perfect day, just like I did 98% of the time before I got this. And you are not going to make me feel bad or wrong or guilty for it." Now I try to ignore that crap because I don't feel like I should have to explain it every damn time it happens. As you said, though, it is hard when it's the people who help you out when you feel awful. Otherwise...ha.

*end bitchy rant*

I am glad you've been feeling good.

[Rhoda]

Thought I would let you know that OHB is out flat again, please send happy thoughts to her, or chocolate M&Ms.... lol

I'm up and moving, cleaning the kitchen blah blah blah.... gonna start a pot of cabbage soup in a minute...let's see, Shy is 2 hours ahead, it's 11:30 here, okay, should be ok to call.....

[Shyfemmekat]

Thought I would let you know that OHB is out flat again, please send happy thoughts to her, or chocolate M&Ms.... lol

I'm up and moving, cleaning the kitchen blah blah blah.... gonna start a pot of cabbage soup in a minute...let's see, Shy is 2 hours ahead, it's 11:30 here, okay, should be ok to call.....

Please let us know we are thinking about her. But, I am all out of chocolate M & M's.

[Shyfemmekat]

Wanted to say thank you to all for happy thoughts and prayers...step 5 of 5 in the hiring process was sent in today...now we wait.

[Lady_Wu]

SSF, I am very happy to hear that your car will be fixed! I hope that it does not cost too much money, so that you can get your netbook! (What IS a netbook? Is it a book you can listen to, as in audiobook? Or is it a very small computer?)
Me<----embarassed at ignorance of term
My news is that I had a seizure at the Dr.s, then another at home, THEN a flare of my RSDS! I've got to go Thursday and have an MRI of my brain. Perhaps I'll find I have one, lol. The Dr. and another with whom he consulted thinks I might have a tumor behind my right eye. Please send good thoughts my way Thursday!
Sending light to everyone!
LadyWu

[Rhoda]

The mechanic called and the car is gonna be fine.......whew! He said he can fix it ! Just not sure how much this is gonna cost. I do have some $$ stashed, but it was for a netbook, ~sigh~......live and learn i guess..........SSF

Hey SSF, just a thought, maybe you could look around your area and find a station that would be willing to pump the gas for you?? Here we still have quite a few stations that are not Corporate Machines and the guys will run out and fill up for you..... Also, here our Diesel fuel pump handles are GREEN so you don't accidently put diesel in instead of gas. I almost did it the other day, scared the crap out of myself...........the only thing that stopped me was i couldn't figure out why the handle was GREEN!!!!! LOL

OHB is still in a lot of pain today, but her computer should come today....please Goddess, deliver the computer today.........

I ache bad all over, don't know what that is about, just doing to much I guess, and the hand pain is back full force.

Making Yoda a jammie today with some left over polar fleece, picture this: bright pink checkers,for the body, with black and white hounds tooth for the legs and neck......... oh yea, he's gonna love that!!! It's all good, he loves jammies, and looks pretty in pink, besides, no one realizes he is a boy dog cause he is so sweet and has long hair....... just like a viking!! LMAO

I think we should have a Whine Fest Day.......... yep, we could end with watching Eddie Murphy or other comedians and laughing our fannies off..... laughter, the great healer......

[hellboi]

Rhoda..tell OHB I said "Hey"....and both y'all best stop overdoing it...itwould be most disconcerting for the two of ya to be in too much pain to hold each other on the next visit. (that is a horrendous understatement...I know LOL)

Lady_Wu..a netbook is indeed a small laptop..and proportionately limited in it's abilities...it is basically for reaching the internet..doesn't have a ton of storage memory for fancy programs...but does just fine if alls ya wanna do is use the browser for websites. (totally SUKS if ya wanna play wargames LOL)

[Rhoda]

Rhoda..tell OHB I said "Hey"....and both y'all best stop overdoing it...it would be most disconcerting for the two of ya to be in too much pain to hold each other on the next visit. (that is a horrendous understatement...I know LOL)

..................................................

[Sweetstonefemme]

I met a butch on matchmaker here about 2.5yrs ago. We had an online, phone thing goin on for awhile. She flew out to meet me and was here for a week (2.5 yrs ago). We had a good time, and had lots and lots of sex.When she got back to california, she broke it off with me cause she could not handle my brain injury. Fast forward to now........we never lost contact, still email and stuff. Well i put a new picture of myself on my facebbok, she saw it and now wants back in my life When we met i could not take care of myself, i had a homemaker and an aide everyday. Now i can thank you very much. She wants to meet up in texas @ my daughters. Not sure how long she plans on visiting. i am so conflicted about this cause she dumped me when i was kinda bad off. I dont know what to do..............SSF .

[GoofyLuvr]

Hey y'all! How is everything? Rainy, gloomy day here. I figured it was coming the way I was feeling yesterday. But we had several days of nice weather, up in the 80's actually, and I was able to get a lot done around the house. So it's all good!
OHB - I hope that gets to you today. Being without makes life almost impossible! I can't stand the thought of being without mine!!!
BMW - congrats on your win!!!
Shy - how ya feeling today? Things will work out. Not sure how, but they will.
SSF - umm, hmmm. Not sure what to say there.
Rhoda - the jammies sound cute. He will give you lots of kisses for them, I'm sure.
Everyone else - there's a lot of people that haven't been seen for a while. Are y'all ok? Hope so!
*Waving* Have a super day y'all!

[GoofyLuvr]

Hehehehehe
I've stumbled across my new saying, thought y'all would get as big a kick out of it as I have:

Nothing right in my left brain, nothing left in my right brain.

[mkithapcapt]

I met a butch on matchmaker here about 2.5yrs ago. We had an online, phone thing goin on for awhile. She flew out to meet me and was here for a week (2.5 yrs ago). We had a good time, and had lots and lots of sex.When she got back to california, she broke it off with me cause she could not handle my brain injury. Fast forward to now........we never lost contact, still email and stuff. Well i put a new picture of myself on my facebbok, she saw it and now wants back in my life When we met i could not take care of myself, i had a homemaker and an aide everyday. Now i can thank you very much. She wants to meet up in texas @ my daughters. Not sure how long she plans on visiting. i am so conflicted about this cause she dumped me when i was kinda bad off. I dont know what to do..............SSF .

SSF your post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes. I've had a rough couple of years myself and have been thinking about this a lot as I'm starting to turn the corner. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now (I do hope it's the sun and not a train .) It's been hard to accept some of the things that my mind and body seemed to do without my consent that were caused by my brain "issue." lol. As I regain control over the things about myself that I used to control easily, I will bring with me the people who loved me at my worst. They are the ones that deserve the upgrade. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

[GoofyLuvr]

SSF your post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes. I've had a rough couple of years myself and have been thinking about this a lot as I'm starting to turn the corner. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now (I do hope it's the sun and not a train .) It's been hard to accept some of the things that my mind and body seemed to do without my consent that were caused by my brain "issue." lol. As I regain control over the things about myself that I used to control easily, I will bring with me the people who loved me at my worst. They are the ones that deserve the upgrade. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

Standing ovation!!!! Well said, well said!!!!!

[Rhoda]

I met a butch on matchmaker here about 2.5yrs ago. We had an online, phone thing goin on for awhile. She flew out to meet me and was here for a week (2.5 yrs ago). We had a good time, and had lots and lots of sex.When she got back to california, she broke it off with me cause she could not handle my brain injury. Fast forward to now........we never lost contact, still email and stuff. Well i put a new picture of myself on my facebbok, she saw it and now wants back in my life When we met i could not take care of myself, i had a homemaker and an aide everyday. Now i can thank you very much. She wants to meet up in texas @ my daughters. Not sure how long she plans on visiting. i am so conflicted about this cause she dumped me when i was kinda bad off. I dont know what to do..............SSF .

Dear SSF, That sounds like a real painful experience. None of us can tell YOU what to do, only what WE would do.... so at the risk of sticking my foot in my mouth, which i am an expert at by the way, IF it were ME, I would remember the words i said to OHB

Here i am, such as i am, imperfect woman, standing naked before you, i have nothing to offer you but my love, is that enough?

She said yes. She said those words back to me. And i said yes.

We both have issues that are by some peoples standards "too much to deal with", but the heart wants what the heart wants. Regardless of whether our combined issues are "too much" we find a way each day to support, comfort, laugh, cry, share and so much more with each other. OHB and I do not look at each other's short comings or imperfections and base our decision to be together on those shaky legs. Our mutual respect for each other, and compassion for what we are each challenged by each day is just part of why we are together. The most important issue for me was her basic character, and i found her to be caring, honest, loving, compassionate, funny, cooperative, helpful, warm, and so much more.

You will have to ask her what she saw in me.....

The bottom line for me is: I'm the same person with or without issues, so if someone only wanted to be with me during the good times, how could i trust them to be there for me when times were hard? Looks like your butch friend already answered that question.

[Sweetstonefemme]

I guess i knew this in my heart......what you all said. I guess I just had to SEE it ya know......thnak you all SSF

[softness]

thanks! I love that you all get me!

I go through that. Some days I feel so weak and icky and then other days I feel fantastic. I have gotten the same comments. They still make me angry, especially when the people know I have something that, at present, cannot be cured. I lost my temper once and said, "So if I was having a crappy day you would be more okay with that? I have a really good day and now suddenly I'm cured or something? Now I'll never need your help again?" And the ones like, "Well, if you can do that today then you're not that sick." "No, I am just having a perfect day, just like I did 98% of the time before I got this. And you are not going to make me feel bad or wrong or guilty for it." Now I try to ignore that crap because I don't feel like I should have to explain it every damn time it happens. As you said, though, it is hard when it's the people who help you out when you feel awful. Otherwise...ha.

*end bitchy rant*

I am glad you've been feeling good.

[softness]

i have much the same thing.......i am gonna use your term for it from now on though lolSSF

I am still on my Strong Swing!

[Rhoda]

did you get it? did you get it???

Are you home yet???

did you get it? did you get it???

[Onehonestbutch]

I met a butch on matchmaker here about 2.5yrs ago. We had an online, phone thing goin on for awhile. She flew out to meet me and was here for a week (2.5 yrs ago). We had a good time, and had lots and lots of sex.When she got back to california, she broke it off with me cause she could not handle my brain injury. Fast forward to now........we never lost contact, still email and stuff. Well i put a new picture of myself on my facebbok, she saw it and now wants back in my life When we met i could not take care of myself, i had a homemaker and an aide everyday. Now i can thank you very much. She wants to meet up in texas @ my daughters. Not sure how long she plans on visiting. i am so conflicted about this cause she dumped me when i was kinda bad off. I dont know what to do..............SSF .

OK , well that's a huge mouthful I have fixin to spew forth so here goes a butch's perspective SSF.....
KICK HIS/HER SORRY BUTCH A** TO THE CURB and leave your shoe up his/her whazzoo while your at it. Point blank, that person soo ain't worth your precious sweet time as a femme that you are. You are NOT a piece of meat.....REPEAT AFTER ME>>>>> I, SSF, AM WORTH MORE IN MY LITTLE PINK PAINTED TOENAIL THAN THEY HAVE IN THEIR WHOLE LIFETIME OF FAT STORED IN THEIR A**. REPEAT POR FAVOR.....I AM NOT GOING THERE, I REFUSE TO ALLOW ANYONE TO THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN I AM BECAUSE I AM AFTER ALL A MUCH BETTER WOMAN THAN THEY COULD EVER HANDLE. hhhhrrrrrmmmppph. la ti da.

just an HONESTBUTCH's Opinion

[Rhoda]

Hehehehehe
I've stumbled across my new saying, thought y'all would get as big a kick out of it as I have:

Nothing right in my left brain, nothing left in my right brain.

YOU ARE A HOOT!!!!!

[Onehonestbutch]

Dear SSF, That sounds like a real painful experience. None of us can tell YOU what to do, only what WE would do.... so at the risk of sticking my foot in my mouth, which i am an expert at by the way, IF it were ME, I would remember the words i said to OHB

Here i am, such as i am, imperfect woman, standing naked before you, i have nothing to offer you but my love, is that enough?

She said yes. She said those words back to me. And i said yes.

We both have issues that are by some peoples standards "too much to deal with", but the heart wants what the heart wants. Regardless of whether our combined issues are "too much" we find a way each day to support, comfort, laugh, cry, share and so much more with each other. OHB and I do not look at each other's short comings or imperfections and base our decision to be together on those shaky legs. Our mutual respect for each other, and compassion for what we are each challenged by each day is just part of why we are together. The most important issue for me was her basic character, and i found her to be caring, honest, loving, compassionate, funny, cooperative, helpful, warm, and so much more.

You will have to ask her what she saw in me.....

The bottom line for me is: I'm the same person with or without issues, so if someone only wanted to be with me during the good times, how could i trust them to be there for me when times were hard? Looks like your butch friend already answered that question.

WELL SAID My Lovely Lovely Rhoda. I do remember that very same conversation we had together, and I did tell you YES, it's more than enough, for your love is all I have ever wanted, nothing less, nothing more. I remember asking you the very same thing, because I didn't have anything else ot offer you, but my heart and my love, and I stood naked before you as well, and your answer was Yes too. Honey, I see you as the most beautiful, loving, sweet, kind, considerate human being that you are. I see your beauty in all that you do. Most of all, your character that stands out above all else, and your honesty. I wouldn't have taken the risk that I have, had your character been unbecoming of you in any way shape or form. I am who I am, one...honest....butch... for a reason......I chose this name as part of who I am, my blatant honesty, my honor, and my character, above all else. I Love you for the woman that you are, not what I want you to be, not who you may have been before me, but who you are NOW, and I wouldn't ever want you to change any part of who you are. Your perfect just as you are and as you always will be. And yes, we do have talks and talks and talks about all sorts of things and we take time with one another to weed through the things that others have put into our minds that we are not worthy of or fall short on, and we allow one another room to cry, room to love, room to piss and moan, room to share, room to grow, and give one another full support on for those things as well as our dreams. I thank you for that and for you being you.

Ditto

[Onehonestbutch]

did you get it? did you get it???

Are you home yet???

did you get it? did you get it???

Yep, it's LIVE>>.. NOT MEMOREX!! thank you honey!! I am back online!!! Now to deal with majicJack tomorrow....gonna upload a new one, have to contact them tomorrow so they don't charge me for it!!! Ha ha haa haaaa a good butch is NEVER DOWN that far..... hee heee unless she's wanting to be

[Shyfemmekat]

Hey y'all. Just poking my head around the corner to say I hope everyone had a pretty good day.

[Shyfemmekat]

SSF your post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes. I've had a rough couple of years myself and have been thinking about this a lot as I'm starting to turn the corner. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now (I do hope it's the sun and not a train .) It's been hard to accept some of the things that my mind and body seemed to do without my consent that were caused by my brain "issue." lol. As I regain control over the things about myself that I used to control easily, I will bring with me the people who loved me at my worst. They are the ones that deserve the upgrade. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

Boy, it's good to see you here!

[Onehonestbutch]

Good to see ya here Angie. I hope you'll stay a while. Your sense of humor is funny as heck woman. I hope you are well.
And a huge hello to my fellow threadsters here. I miss you guys. Hope your all having a good week!

[Shyfemmekat]

Yep, it's LIVE>>.. NOT MEMOREX!! thank you honey!! I am back online!!! Now to deal with majicJack tomorrow....gonna upload a new one, have to contact them tomorrow so they don't charge me for it!!! Ha ha haa haaaa a good butch is NEVER DOWN that far..... hee heee unless she's wanting to be

You gotta have long distance.

[Shyfemmekat]

SSF, I am very happy to hear that your car will be fixed! I hope that it does not cost too much money, so that you can get your netbook! (What IS a netbook? Is it a book you can listen to, as in audiobook? Or is it a very small computer?)
Me<----embarassed at ignorance of term
My news is that I had a seizure at the Dr.s, then another at home, THEN a flare of my RSDS! I've got to go Thursday and have an MRI of my brain. Perhaps I'll find I have one, lol. The Dr. and another with whom he consulted thinks I might have a tumor behind my right eye. Please send good thoughts my way Thursday!
Sending light to everyone!
LadyWu

Hi Lady_Wu! I had no idea what a netbook was, either. I guess we have been educated, LOL. You learn something everyday.

Sorry to hear you have been having seizures. . I have to schedule 4 MRI's yet this month. Bleah. I'll keep you in my prayers for Thursday.

[Shyfemmekat]

Hey SSF, just a thought, maybe you could look around your area and find a station that would be willing to pump the gas for you?? Here we still have quite a few stations that are not Corporate Machines and the guys will run out and fill up for you..... Also, here our Diesel fuel pump handles are GREEN so you don't accidently put diesel in instead of gas. I almost did it the other day, scared the crap out of myself...........the only thing that stopped me was i couldn't figure out why the handle was GREEN!!!!! LOL

OHB is still in a lot of pain today, but her computer should come today....please Goddess, deliver the computer today.........

I ache bad all over, don't know what that is about, just doing to much I guess, and the hand pain is back full force.

Making Yoda a jammie today with some left over polar fleece, picture this: bright pink checkers,for the body, with black and white hounds tooth for the legs and neck......... oh yea, he's gonna love that!!! It's all good, he loves jammies, and looks pretty in pink, besides, no one realizes he is a boy dog cause he is so sweet and has long hair....... just like a viking!! LMAO

I think we should have a Whine Fest Day.......... yep, we could end with watching Eddie Murphy or other comedians and laughing our fannies off..... laughter, the great healer......

OMG, I had forgotten about that Eddie Murphy skit. The Cher & Lily Tomlin one was great, too. My Daddy used to love her on Laugh-In. He would always say that, "One ringy, dingy.." We say it around here, too.

I have almost done the diesel thing, too. Those colored pump handles saved me. It's kind of like the orange pots for the decaf coffee, it makes you stop and think. SSF, do they have Swifty stations there? I think that's the only place you can get full serve here.

I wanna see the Yoda jammies! I cannot sew (yet, maybe someday) and so I love to see the things that other people make. That goes for all y'all. If you crochet, knit, sew, whatever. Post a pic now and then and let us know!

Hope you feel better today.

[Shyfemmekat]

Rhoda..tell OHB I said "Hey"....and both y'all best stop overdoing it...itwould be most disconcerting for the two of ya to be in too much pain to hold each other on the next visit. (that is a horrendous understatement...I know LOL)

Lady_Wu..a netbook is indeed a small laptop..and proportionately limited in it's abilities...it is basically for reaching the internet..doesn't have a ton of storage memory for fancy programs...but does just fine if alls ya wanna do is use the browser for websites. (totally SUKS if ya wanna play wargames LOL)

Thank you for telling us. So, how many villages HAVE you blown up this week?

[Shyfemmekat]

I am still on my Strong Swing!

Work it!

[Shyfemmekat]

Hey y'all! How is everything? Rainy, gloomy day here. I figured it was coming the way I was feeling yesterday. But we had several days of nice weather, up in the 80's actually, and I was able to get a lot done around the house. So it's all good!
OHB - I hope that gets to you today. Being without makes life almost impossible! I can't stand the thought of being without mine!!!
BMW - congrats on your win!!!
Shy - how ya feeling today? Things will work out. Not sure how, but they will.
SSF - umm, hmmm. Not sure what to say there.
Rhoda - the jammies sound cute. He will give you lots of kisses for them, I'm sure.
Everyone else - there's a lot of people that haven't been seen for a while. Are y'all ok? Hope so!
*Waving* Have a super day y'all!

Hey girlfriend!

Doing okay here. It got cold again yesterday afternoon so I am feeling a bit achy. I'll take that over heat and humidity any day, though.

[Shyfemmekat]

OK , well that's a huge mouthful I have fixin to spew forth so here goes a butch's perspective SSF.....
KICK HIS/HER SORRY BUTCH A** TO THE CURB and leave your shoe up his/her whazzoo while your at it. Point blank, that person soo ain't worth your precious sweet time as a femme that you are. You are NOT a piece of meat.....REPEAT AFTER ME>>>>> I, SSF, AM WORTH MORE IN MY LITTLE PINK PAINTED TOENAIL THAN THEY HAVE IN THEIR WHOLE LIFETIME OF FAT STORED IN THEIR A**. REPEAT POR FAVOR.....I AM NOT GOING THERE, I REFUSE TO ALLOW ANYONE TO THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN I AM BECAUSE I AM AFTER ALL A MUCH BETTER WOMAN THAN THEY COULD EVER HANDLE. hhhhrrrrrmmmppph. la ti da.

just an HONESTBUTCH's Opinion

Now tell us how you really feel, LOL.

[Shyfemmekat]

SSF your post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes. I've had a rough couple of years myself and have been thinking about this a lot as I'm starting to turn the corner. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now (I do hope it's the sun and not a train .) It's been hard to accept some of the things that my mind and body seemed to do without my consent that were caused by my brain "issue." lol. As I regain control over the things about myself that I used to control easily, I will bring with me the people who loved me at my worst. They are the ones that deserve the upgrade. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

And the crowd goes wild...

[Shyfemmekat]

All right, I had to post this...

[PrimoKnight65]

Well, I am here.....you don't realize that a damn bunion surgery would have you standing at the edge of the dark hole you work so hard to stay out of. I have NEVER been this reliant on anyone, even my parents, and my body has never felt so out of balance.

The only thing that is keeping me going right now, is that I will be scheduling a hot stone massage as soon as my podiatrist takes this ball and chain off, and tells me my toe is healed up enought to have one.

Now, I misspoke, DKLO is also keeping me going, her love and support have helped me stay in "the moment" and not spiral too much closer to the edge.

I now can empathize with all of you who have mobility issues, and I want to say this: All of you have so much strength and determination..I am honored to be in this thread with all of you.

I told my therapist that I can't imagine being unable to walk like I did before the surgery..this has spun me out. I will regain my footing, once both feet are firmly on the ground!

[BlueMoonWolf]

I met a butch on matchmaker here about 2.5yrs ago. We had an online, phone thing goin on for awhile. She flew out to meet me and was here for a week (2.5 yrs ago). We had a good time, and had lots and lots of sex.When she got back to california, she broke it off with me cause she could not handle my brain injury. Fast forward to now........we never lost contact, still email and stuff. Well i put a new picture of myself on my facebbok, she saw it and now wants back in my life When we met i could not take care of myself, i had a homemaker and an aide everyday. Now i can thank you very much. She wants to meet up in texas @ my daughters. Not sure how long she plans on visiting. i am so conflicted about this cause she dumped me when i was kinda bad off. I dont know what to do..............SSF .

Okay this is what I would do... please do remember I have an inner sadist with a fucked up sense of funny... please put down all beverages.

I would meet the asshole (minus kids) get things all happily Barry White knocking boots kind of mood....

Then.... let Mr X almost get to just that very very happy spot...

and full stop...stand up and say......

Wait for it......

"well now you know how it feels to be dumped when you really need someone. Maybe you won't be such an effing flaming asshole to the next one."

AND LEAVE!


Blue


PS don't worry about mr x getting up, it takes a while for the blood to rush back to the thinking brain instead of the rubbery bits.

[ravfem]

Hey y'all! How is everything? Rainy, gloomy day here. I figured it was coming the way I was feeling yesterday. But we had several days of nice weather, up in the 80's actually, and I was able to get a lot done around the house. So it's all good!

We're getting the rain & stuff from some storm out at sea i think. i don't mind it so much except for the havoc it creates for my body, but then again i don't have to go out in it except to take Kiba out.

I met a butch on matchmaker here about 2.5yrs ago. We had an online, phone thing goin on for awhile. She flew out to meet me and was here for a week (2.5 yrs ago). We had a good time, and had lots and lots of sex.When she got back to california, she broke it off with me cause she could not handle my brain injury. Fast forward to now........we never lost contact, still email and stuff. Well i put a new picture of myself on my facebbok, she saw it and now wants back in my life When we met i could not take care of myself, i had a homemaker and an aide everyday. Now i can thank you very much. She wants to meet up in texas @ my daughters. Not sure how long she plans on visiting. i am so conflicted about this cause she dumped me when i was kinda bad off. I dont know what to do..............SSF .

Everyone else has given great advice, SSF. i'm sure it's hard being in a situation like that....i can't imagine having to make that kind of decision.

...
My news is that I had a seizure at the Dr.s, then another at home, THEN a flare of my RSDS! I've got to go Thursday and have an MRI of my brain. Perhaps I'll find I have one, lol. The Dr. and another with whom he consulted thinks I might have a tumor behind my right eye. Please send good thoughts my way Thursday!
Sending light to everyone!
LadyWu

Positive thoughts galore sent your way, Lady Wu!!

Wanted to say thank you to all for happy thoughts and prayers...step 5 of 5 in the hiring process was sent in today...now we wait.

yay!! Positive thoughts still being sent out to y'all!

Hehehehehe
I've stumbled across my new saying, thought y'all would get as big a kick out of it as I have:

Nothing right in my left brain, nothing left in my right brain.

rofl Goofy!! That saying is sooooo true!!

SSF your post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes. I've had a rough couple of years myself and have been thinking about this a lot as I'm starting to turn the corner. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now (I do hope it's the sun and not a train .) It's been hard to accept some of the things that my mind and body seemed to do without my consent that were caused by my brain "issue." lol. As I regain control over the things about myself that I used to control easily, I will bring with me the people who loved me at my worst. They are the ones that deserve the upgrade. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.

hi mkithapcapt i so agree with you, as usual! i think one of the hardest things for me is learning to accept the stuff my body & brain are doing without my consent....dang it all, it just isn't right and no matter how hard i fight against it, things just keep happening. i swear sometimes i can hear my body give an evil laugh and whisper, "resistance is futile".

...
I have almost done the diesel thing, too. Those colored pump handles saved me. It's kind of like the orange pots for the decaf coffee, it makes you stop and think. SSF, do they have Swifty stations there? I think that's the only place you can get full serve here.

I wanna see the Yoda jammies! I cannot sew (yet, maybe someday) and so I love to see the things that other people make. That goes for all y'all. If you crochet, knit, sew, whatever. Post a pic now and then and let us know! ...

i think maybe we've pretty much all grabbed the wrong gas pump, though i had no idea that putting diesel in a non-diesel car could potentially break it. i always have to make myself stop and read all the pumps to make sure i've got the right one...i'll definitely keep doing that now!

i want to see the Yoda jammies too! i can't even sew on a button, it comes right back off i begged for a couple of years for one of those tiny little sewing machines, and finally got it about 3 years ago. i was able to figure out how to repair a seam, but didn't know what the 'reverse' thing was for. i was so proud of my "skills" until i washed the shirt and the seam didn't hold. Tried it again, and again a washing took the seam out. i finally called one of my Leather brothers and asked what i was doing wrong. He asked if i was using the reverse to finish up, because that's what ties the thread in a knot so it wont unravel. who knew?!

Well, I am here.....you don't realize that a damn bunion surgery would have you standing at the edge of the dark hole you work so hard to stay out of. I have NEVER been this reliant on anyone, even my parents, and my body has never felt so out of balance.

The only thing that is keeping me going right now, is that I will be scheduling a hot stone massage as soon as my podiatrist takes this ball and chain off, and tells me my toe is healed up enought to have one.

Now, I misspoke, DKLO is also keeping me going, her love and support have helped me stay in "the moment" and not spiral too much closer to the edge.

I now can empathize with all of you who have mobility issues, and I want to say this: All of you have so much strength and determination..I am honored to be in this thread with all of you.

I told my therapist that I can't imagine being unable to walk like I did before the surgery..this has spun me out. I will regain my footing, once both feet are firmly on the ground!

hi PrimoKnight, good luck on your foot healing completely and quickly! That massage sounds sooo yummy.

Waving hey to Rhoda, OHB, hellboi, BMW, softness, Miami & everyone else!!

[Sweetstonefemme]

SOOO i get the orange-go-mobile back today..........it cost $400............lol there goes my netbook...........thanks for all the advice, you guys rock. I could just see getting myself out of my unhappy place and running off to california....i would be trading one set of problems for another.and MIC...where ya been? SSF

[Onehonestbutch]

Okay this is what I would do... please do remember I have an inner sadist with a fucked up sense of funny... please put down all beverages.

I would meet the asshole (minus kids) get things all happily Barry White knocking boots kind of mood....

Then.... let Mr X almost get to just that very very happy spot...

and full stop...stand up and say......

Wait for it......

"well now you know how it feels to be dumped when you really need someone. Maybe you won't be such an effing flaming asshole to the next one."

AND LEAVE!


Blue


PS don't worry about mr x getting up, it takes a while for the blood to rush back to the thinking brain instead of the rubbery bits.

OMG, too funny but I love it !!! Sista !! Well said Blue, well said. Hate it for the one that crosses your evil ways woman !! ROFLMAO

[hellboi]

Thank you for telling us. So, how many villages HAVE you blown up this week?

Not at the stage in Travian on the current server to have seige weapons yet...but in 1 week I'ma zero pop my nearest neighbor..cuz I can LOL...buuuut...6 people have attacked my city on Napwar and lost every last soldier they had..doing 0 damage to me ..and I am finally allowed to attack others...so I went over yesterday and pillaged one of the other top player's cities....killing all his troops and taking most of his resources.
However..yesterday I attacked a wilderness...only to discover that NOW the npc tribe is allowed to use strategies..was using covering force (this makes the opponents spys see only 1/10 of the forces)..and lost 4000 musketeers and 1000 heavy cavalry...so I've had to spend most of the night rebuilding my army
that's ok, though...I sent a second wave of troops..wiped out the npc..and now the wilderness is mine...muahahaha