Physical Disability & Self-Esteem: Life As It Is Now, Coming To Terms, Rising Above

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-29-2007, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by Rhoda

Geez, what a dork I am, I don't think I properly introduced us.

Soren and I are both disabled, I have a multiple diagnosis according to the DSM IV or V or whatever it is called, plus dealing with diabetes HBP, and other crap, and Soren has several physical problems, she's in pain all the time. I'll let her tell you about them as soon as I can convince her that it is easy to use the computer.

We live in the Southwest, Albuquerque NM, in a small apartment near where I work at the University. I thank the Goddess everyday for my job and the benefits I receive, one of which is going to school to finish my fine arts degree.

We are thrilled to have found all of you, we were inspired starting at the first post!

Sorry I have to run and get errands done before the sun starts heating up too bad, will post more later.

Sincerely, Rhoda and Soren

It is nice to meet you both.

This is a great bunch of folks who have been a real blessing in my life the last couple of years. We have fun and we also give each other serious support.

Maybe you can kind of walk Soren through the steps of getting on here, it would be great to read her posts as well.

Have a blessed Sunday!
SFK

**Whispertome** · 07-29-2007, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

Today was the worst day in many days. Which is saying something, considering I am unemployed, being harrassed by the companies who issued my student loans, still waiting for the agency to please help me get a new apartment/keep my current one (eviction looms) and so very broke.

Last week two able bodied friends of mine and I applied for jobs at a large company here, for positions in data entry. Now, I've talked with both of 'em a bit about it and it seems like we're all equally qualified, and I may be a little more so. Yesterday they were both hired. Me, nope. Didn't even get an interview. Now, I try not to be paranoid about stuff like this. But I've got this sneaking suspicion that the "can you perform the task required of this job with appropriate accomodations & what are they?" is what screwed me. Just a suspicion, though.

Bastards.

What I need to do, is get me a Universe Control Device and switch the social security drones with the HR people at this company. Because apparently one thinks I'm too crippled to work and one doesn't, it's just backwards and not helpful to me.

I guess I can be all sardonic about it now, but this morning... Heh, cried like a sissy.

That is flat out discrimmination..I would check the ADA rules, find out who you contact and report this company...

**hellboi** · 07-29-2007, 06:44 PM

Gossamer...it is so very difficult to prove you have been discriminated against..but certainly that is what has happened..I would definately contact someone wabout it, were I you. I widh you much luck with it, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I got to see my wife..and although there is a lot of swelling..and her face is still not anywhere near symetrical...it certainly isn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been. She is still recognizeable as human. She will forever be beautiful to me. My love will be her mirror.....so that she will she herself so.

**Rhoda** · 07-29-2007, 07:13 PM

Dear Hellboi,

It must have been a huge relief to finally see her. We are sending healing thoughts and energy to you both. We wish you both strength and hope during this difficult time and your wife's recovery.

Sincerely Rhoda and Soren

**hellboi** · 07-30-2007, 04:28 AM

thank you both so very much..it was more than a relief...it was a wonderous thing.....a beautiful moment...I wish it could have lasted forever...but..I will get to see her daily, now. LOL..In fact..that is prolly why I'm not asleep....I woke up early, thinking it was morning already...don't wanna miss visiting hours LOL *I'll prolly have trouble falling back to sleep....think I'll try some herbal tea*

**Damned Queen** · 07-30-2007, 05:22 AM

Welcome Rhoda and Soren from NM
DQ in MA Glad you are here

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-30-2007, 06:00 AM

Morning good people,

Groans, roots around for some caffeine...

Y'all are up with the chickens today....

SFK

**lionandlamb** · 07-30-2007, 02:31 PM

Has anyone heard from Peregrine? Wasn't she getting results from her CT scan?

Helloboi~Glad you have been able to see the sweetie!! Your relationship sounds wonderful!! What a sweetie you are!!

Rhoda & Soren and Jules & Diana ~ Your relationships sound great. Rhoda, thanks for sharing your relationship. I am in a very new relationship and its taking much work for many reasons, but its inspiring to read of a relationship where people choose to love each other through the tough times. I include Jules because you also model a great relationship. The thing that I so often remember is that when you feel well, what you often do is take you honey out for a spin in that awesome car of yours!! How sweet is that????

Has anyone heard from Micpef? She's been on my mind.....

I am immensely blessed by all of you on this thread and I grateful for your presence here. Thank you for your postings, and please continue. You never know when you hold someone else's blessing and answers in your own hand. Have a great afternoon my friends....

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-30-2007, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by lionandlamb

Has anyone heard from Peregrine? Wasn't she getting results from her CT scan?

Helloboi~Glad you have been able to see the sweetie!! Your relationship sounds wonderful!! What a sweetie you are!!

Rhoda & Soren and Jules & Diana ~ Your relationships sound great. Rhoda, thanks for sharing your relationship. I am in a very new relationship and its taking much work for many reasons, but its inspiring to read of a relationship where people choose to love each other through the tough times. I include Jules because you also model a great relationship. The thing that I so often remember is that when you feel well, what you often do is take you honey out for a spin in that awesome car of yours!! How sweet is that????

Has anyone heard from Micpef? She's been on my mind.....

I am immensely blessed by all of you on this thread and I grateful for your presence here. Thank you for your postings, and please continue. You never know when you hold someone else's blessing and answers in your own hand. Have a great afternoon my friends....

Precious P goes tomorrow and i will be giving her a holler in the late evening most likely as I still have some minutes left, amazingly enough.

Holla back, peoples...

SFK

**Gossamer** · 07-30-2007, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by hellboi

I got to see my wife..and although there is a lot of swelling..and her face is still not anywhere near symetrical...it certainly isn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been. She is still recognizeable as human. She will forever be beautiful to me. My love will be her mirror.....so that she will she herself so.

That's lovely. She is very blessed to have you, especially during this time. All the best to both of you.

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and advice regarding the crappy discrimination situation. I'm definitely going to do what I can to fight it. Even if I can't do a whole lot, I'm going to let them know I know what happened, and why. And maybe I'll make enough noise that other people will know about it, too. I can try.

And, on a slightly random aside: I was wondering, anyone here have any experience with the drug Trazodone? Old anti-depressant, now used mostly for sleeping disturbances. My s/o's been on it roughly a month, and has been having increasingly violent/vivid dreams. Just wondering about side effects.

**Woodie69** · 07-30-2007, 08:37 PM

Gossamer,

I took trazodone when it first was approved by the FDA in '81. My neurologist recommended it to me because I have chronic sleep disorders (sleep walking, severe seizures at night, uncontrollable kicking and moving at night, involuntary movements at night, night terrors, etc.). He thought it would help with that issue as well as with my OCD. It didn't work at all for me.

I took the trazodone for one week only because I had such a horrible reaction to it. Now, the common side effects like drowsiness, nausea/vomitting, headache, and dry mouth are common. I had the following side effects: huge rash all over, sweating, muscle stiffness then twitching, a high grade fever, red -tired -itchy eyes, a strange taste in my mouth, and increased seizures. I was told never to drink grapefruit juice. There was something in the component of grapefruit juice that caused an adverse reaction to the medicine. I was also told that there is no antidote for trazodone in case of overdose.

I don't know anything about your s/o or their healthcare issues or pre-existing conditions. I just would show caution when taking trazodone. I think making a call first thing in the morning to the dr would be a step in the right direction. Being on the medicine for a month...your s/o should already have had the initial reactions. Maybe the answer is a lower dosage or totally coming off it totally. I have no idea. I just would talk to the dr tomorrow morning. And coming off this is not easy. It gave me a massive migrain.

According to Wikipedia, trazodone is used to treat clinical depression with or without anxiety, insomnia, fibromyalgia, to control night terrors, ocd, alcohol withdraw, schizophrenia, bulimia, diabetic neuropathy, and panic disorders. I had no idea.

Just be safe, and call the dr first thing in the morning. I wish you both luck in dealing with this issue.

Take care,
Andrew

P.S. Go kick some butt in regards to your employment situation. Things like that make my blood boil. Just remember - You Rock!

**Rhoda** · 07-30-2007, 08:37 PM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

And, on a slightly random aside: I was wondering, anyone here have any experience with the drug Trazodone? Old anti-depressant, now used mostly for sleeping disturbances. My s/o's been on it roughly a month, and has been having increasingly violent/vivid dreams. Just wondering about side effects.

Hi Gossamer,

Rhoda here. I took Trazadone for ...........let's see......let me ask Soren.......she says a couple of years. I seem to recall that my biggest problem with Trazadone was that it would knock me out so I could go to sleep, but I would still wake up if I heard strange noises in the middle of the night, but I would be paralysed (sorry can't spell that word!). My body would not respond to my commands to move or get up out of bed. Then I would shift into terror mode. I also couldn't talk or reach out to Soren for comfort. I would just have to lie there with tears pouring until I would fall asleep again from exhaustion. I don't remember having violent dreams, but they were so real I couldn't tell whether I was waking up and dreaming or going to sleep and dreaming.

Then as if that wasn't bad enough, my body built up a tolerence for it so fast, it took more and more to go to sleep. I finally couldn't take it any more and quit cold turkey. Not a good move but I couldn't take the terror of not being able to move anymore. They messed with my meds again and someone had the bright idea to give me Tegretol. Tegretol has saved my life. I don't need sleep meds anymore. Now what I do is do more self talk. For instance, if the neighbor kids are up late whooping it up, I say to myself that I'm glad that they are home safe and sound and that everything is OKAY. That I am safe, it's just the kids having a good time. Sometimes I make hot tea and start reading one of my Goddess books, or Stephen King, He puts me to sleep sometimes. I always go into Soren's room and check to make sure that she is still there, she always is, so I know I am safe.

I don't know if that helps. Soren's suggestion is that maybe she is reacting to the paralysis and becoming terrorized because she is immoblized. There is a Physican's Desk Reference online. You could look it up on that and see if it details any adverse reactions. My experience has been that the best person to ask is the pharmacist. They know EVERYTHING about drugs and what they do.

**Woodie69** · 07-30-2007, 08:47 PM

Hi Everyone,

I want to share my love and spirit with all of you who need it. I include you all in my prayers on a daily basis.

Hellboi,

I just knew everything would go your way! I am sending you and your wife healing thoughts and positive energy!

SFK,

Mail call for you next week.

Whispertome,

Just wanted to send you a huge wet

from

Dino. Mail call for you next week.

God bless you.
Peace and love to all,
Andrew

**hellboi** · 07-30-2007, 09:07 PM

The plane ride shifted things a might for my wife....and there will be a corrective surgery in the morning. they will attempt to reset her lower jaw , chin and her right cheek..and try to make her face more symetrical. *that means once again..removing her eye and replacing it..they don't know if she will actually have sight in that eye when this is all finished*

...I won't get to see her tomorrow...she will be in surgery all day..but..I will hang around the hospital tomorrow evening...and possibly get to see her for a few minutes after she comes out of post op..but just one or two minutes at the most.
Not liking reality too much right now.

**Rhoda** · 07-30-2007, 10:01 PM

Soren and I are sorry to hear about your wife's rough plane ride. Soren is a retired paramedic and says that it's absolutely crucial that you take one day at a time. During your wife's recovery, you may have to take one hour at a time. Have you been able to communicate with each other? Know that your love can be felt by her spirit even though her body is injured. Be patient and breathe. Our prayers are with you both.

Rhoda and Soren

**hellboi** · 07-30-2007, 10:32 PM

She writes me notes..and holds my hand....and touches my face.

**Peregrine Magic** · 07-31-2007, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by hellboi

Not liking reality too much right now.

Nope, I'm sure you're not. My heart goes out to you and your wife. I pray for healing for both of you, and for the wisdom and skill of her doctors.

Blessings,
Peregrine

**Peregrine Magic** · 07-31-2007, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by lionandlamb

Has anyone heard from Peregrine? Wasn't she getting results from her CT scan?

I am going in this morning for an infusion, which will take hours, and a consult with my doctor, during which time I'll find out the results of my scan and what's wrong with my CBC that kept it from being released. I am afraid and feeling sorry for myself. (A fact, not a complaint.)

Blessings...
Peregrine

PS: Shy, please do call me...

**sapho32** · 07-31-2007, 08:36 AM

I only have a minute, but I wanted to wish everyone a good day.

Welcome to the new thread members. You will find good things here.

I'm grateful today.
sapho

**Rhoda** · 07-31-2007, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by Peregrine Magic

I am going in this morning for an infusion, which will take hours, and a consult with my doctor, during which time I'll find out the results of my scan and what's wrong with my CBC that kept it from being released. I am afraid and feeling sorry for myself. (A fact, not a complaint.)

Blessings...
Peregrine

PS: Shy, please do call me...

Hi Peregrine,

I am lighting a candle for you here at work with the intent that the rays of light from the candle will light your way with love and caring and strength. Soren and I are sending you powerful prayers of healing and light.

Our intent is that you will be safe and well.

Rhoda and Soren

**Rhoda** · 07-31-2007, 08:42 AM

It's a blueberry candle, hope you like blueberry?

Rhoda

**Rhoda** · 07-31-2007, 08:50 AM

Well, later today, at 4pm I have to go home and start drinking a gallon of putrid chemicals to flush out my innards so I can have a colonoscopy tomorrow morning....
I'm dreading this procedure........

I was hoping someone could lite a candle for me?

NO!!!!!!!! DON'T STRIKE A MATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE'LL ALL BLOW UP!!!!!!!!!! RUNNNN SOREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!!!!!!!!!!

**Damned Queen** · 07-31-2007, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by hellboi

She writes me notes..and holds my hand....and touches my face.

hellboi...thank you for keeping us posted...great love and support and strength to you from all of us at this most difficult time. You are so incredibly strong...both of you. I hope your wife is getting the best of care and treatment for her injuries...and you have someone there who can be with you. We are so sorry to hear of this. We are with you in spirit and please let us know if there is something, anything we can do.
DK and DQ in MA

**Woodie69** · 07-31-2007, 11:32 AM

Hellboi,

We are all supporting you. Anything we can do, please let us know. You and your wife are in our thoughts and prayers. Be safe, take care of yourself, and know that you and your wife are very much loved.

Rhoda,

I hate colonoscopies.

When the TV reporters/anchors have their colonoscopies shown live on TV I just wonder what in the world are they even thinking.

I always have had horrible reactions to the drugs they use to put me into the twilight stage of sleep. It causes me to halluscinate (sp??). I wish you only luck with this one.

Peregrine,

Please keep us informed on the outcome. Know that you are loved and supported 1000%+ here. You are our rock!

This morning ABC's Robin Roberts, 46 yo, announced that she has breast cancer, and Friday is having surgery. Early detection is key. Do the self exams, and get checked out.

I hope everyone has a great day!

Peace and love,
Andrew

**Rhoda** · 07-31-2007, 11:44 AM

Hi Woodie,

Wouldn't you know it, I'm already so upset, i have diarrhea...........LOL Oh gawd...........

Eat a green chili cheeseburger for me..............or fries .............anything...........but liquids.

Soren says I should lose about 10 pounds today..........Yeck.........Yewwwww

**hellboi** · 07-31-2007, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by Peregrine Magic

I am going in this morning for an infusion, which will take hours, and a consult with my doctor, during which time I'll find out the results of my scan and what's wrong with my CBC that kept it from being released. I am afraid and feeling sorry for myself. (A fact, not a complaint.)

Blessings...
Peregrine

PS: Shy, please do call me...

I been doing a lot of praying this morning..and..I'll be including you in those as well. I hope everyting turns out ok for you. Seems you've already been through a great deal..and it sorta isn't fair that ya have to endure anything else...good luck.

**Holliday** · 07-31-2007, 02:04 PM

I hope everyone is doing as well as possible, and feeling at peace (this "peace" thing has been in my head lately ).

Things are mellowing out here. I was diagnosed with moderate/severe sleep apnea this week, but I'm not too worried. Actually, I'm excited because once I start using the C-Pap machine, I probably won't be tired all the time! Yay! I've also started a new med which should help my allergies. I may be broke, but I'm feeling hopeful.

Holliday
xox

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-31-2007, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

That's lovely. She is very blessed to have you, especially during this time. All the best to both of you.

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and advice regarding the crappy discrimination situation. I'm definitely going to do what I can to fight it. Even if I can't do a whole lot, I'm going to let them know I know what happened, and why. And maybe I'll make enough noise that other people will know about it, too. I can try.

And, on a slightly random aside: I was wondering, anyone here have any experience with the drug Trazodone? Old anti-depressant, now used mostly for sleeping disturbances. My s/o's been on it roughly a month, and has been having increasingly violent/vivid dreams. Just wondering about side effects.

Well, my favorite site is down:

Crazy Meds -
http://www.crazymeds.org

I did find this which might be helpful:

Trazodone
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=29587

Good luck!

SFK

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-31-2007, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by hellboi

The plane ride shifted things a might for my wife....and there will be a corrective surgery in the morning. they will attempt to reset her lower jaw , chin and her right cheek..and try to make her face more symetrical. *that means once again..removing her eye and replacing it..they don't know if she will actually have sight in that eye when this is all finished*

...I won't get to see her tomorrow...she will be in surgery all day..but..I will hang around the hospital tomorrow evening...and possibly get to see her for a few minutes after she comes out of post op..but just one or two minutes at the most.
Not liking reality too much right now.

Oh, sweetie, I am sorry for this new twist in things. I will give you a call late and see if you are home yet or call me, you know me, I am always up till at least 2:30AM or 11:30AM your time.

You are both in my prayers.

Hugs,
SFK

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-31-2007, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by Rhoda

Hi Woodie,

Wouldn't you know it, I'm already so upset, i have diarrhea...........LOL Oh gawd...........

Eat a green chili cheeseburger for me..............or fries .............anything...........but liquids.

Soren says I should lose about 10 pounds today..........Yeck.........Yewwwww

Look on the bright side, at least that will help speed things along to a cleaner world, so to speak.

I will eat Cacao Reserve chocolate for everyone. I'm just that kind of person. I highly recommend the Milk Chocolate with Hazelnuts.

Cacao Reserve - Explore A New World
http://www.hersheys.com/cacaoreserve/

Hugs,
SFK

**hellboi** · 07-31-2007, 06:57 PM

the hospital just called...my wife is in recovery...and the doctor wants to speak to me..and for some reason...doesn't want to do it over the phone..so I'm off to the hospital.

I'm scared.

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-31-2007, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by hellboi

the hospital just called...my wife is in recovery...and the doctor wants to speak to me..and for some reason...doesn't want to do it over the phone..so I'm off to the hospital.

I'm scared.

If you want to call me on the way go for it...it's charged.

Hugs,
SFK

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-31-2007, 07:10 PM

Hey Y'all,

I would ask that we all keep our dear Peregrine in prayer and reflection. I spoke with her earlier and she could use it.

Thanks,
SFK

**Shyfemmekat** · 07-31-2007, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by Peregrine Magic

I am going in this morning for an infusion, which will take hours, and a consult with my doctor, during which time I'll find out the results of my scan and what's wrong with my CBC that kept it from being released. I am afraid and feeling sorry for myself. (A fact, not a complaint.)

Blessings...
Peregrine

PS: Shy, please do call me...

Love you much, my friend.

Love and butches,
SFK

**DAYWALKER** · 07-31-2007, 07:32 PM

Originally Posted by Peregrine Magic

I am going in this morning for an infusion, which will take hours, and a consult with my doctor, during which time I'll find out the results of my scan and what's wrong with my CBC that kept it from being released. I am afraid and feeling sorry for myself. (A fact, not a complaint.)

Blessings...
Peregrine

PS: Shy, please do call me...

Hey Peregrine...

You came to the right place for how you are feeling right now.
All of us are sending what we have your way.
That's how it works in here.

Please keep us posted, else we tend to worry.

((pretend this is a candle thingy))

**Jules** · 07-31-2007, 08:00 PM

Just a quickie to say I can't see!!! This AM I had something in my eye. Of course in all my wisdom I preceded to rub it, flush it with water, which neither worked. I have some vision but everything's a blue so I have practically sit on the monitor to read posts, especially those that are just the normal font and color. I manage the color ones better.
So, excuse all the typos, I can't see them. Hopefully after a night's sleep this will have corrected iit self.

Good wishes to all, ad I'll right more once this eye thing clears up.

Jules

**lionandlamb** · 07-31-2007, 09:40 PM

Peregrine...
I'm thinking some big, huggy kind of thoughts about you! I know regardless of what doctors say here, that the divine holds a much better track record when it comes to healing relieving one's pain. While I don't really know what to say, I will say that I love like my sister, and I am here is you need ANYTHING!!! You are a strong woman and someone I deeply respect! Please come back and post soon!!

Kellie

**ArchAngel Gabriel** · 07-31-2007, 10:33 PM

bounds in ... well a nice hobbly hoppy kind of bounding...

work is very busy and fast paced. I am upset at not getting everything done on time yet. 2 days in a row I have had 45 min of overtime... I am hoping I do not get fired for having overages.

I like my job though. I am baking at walmart for this week. then I will revert to assistant baker or packager. If i go to packager i will work 11-8 which will sort of suck but oh well I really do not expect the new assistant baker staying long and then I can always move positions.

My feet really hurt badly but tomorrow I will be getting 2 pair of good quality sturdy shoes which should help immensly

I am also keeping everyone in my thoughts. May we each have one day of peace from pain and worry..

G

**Damned Queen** · 08-01-2007, 05:17 AM

Originally Posted by hellboi

the hospital just called...my wife is in recovery...and the doctor wants to speak to me..and for some reason...doesn't want to do it over the phone..so I'm off to the hospital.

I'm scared.

Holding you both in my thoughts

**hellboi** · 08-01-2007, 06:36 AM

She came through the surgery brillirantly...but they put her in a medically induced coma..so she doesn't disturb the work that they did for the next couple days.

The doctor told me that she will have to undergoe a few more sugeries over the next few years..but that she will be beautiful again when he is finished.