Friend of Bill W.

[lucidflame]

Happy Birthday NYC Femme

congrats and keep coming back

xox Lucid

[lucidflame]

Welcome ToughasMarshmallow and Workshirtsuits!!!

Isn't it cool how there are peeps in recovery everywhere? Hitting a local meeting is such a sweet way to connect when you travel, too. I don't come on the site very often, but I wanted to give y'all a shout out and encourage you to PM me if you need recovery support.

Take care! Lucidflame

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 11

TAPERS



I wax poetic and burn the candle at both ends. I borrow from the beginning, I steal from the end, coming up short and feeling deeply cheated. I pass myself off as the time-keeper but am the time-pleaser, arch-traitor selling short the days and hours for approval, not fulfillment. I put away my true identity: mammal, human, the love of; I have exchanged it for the mask and cape of the Do-do-doer, a tragic figure of myth and legend who breaks the spirit of everyone who attempts the portrayal. In spite of this the roads teem with actors becoming caricatures of a life less lived. The world is more than a stage, and I must free powers greater than I to be more than an audience.



Laugh at old jokes and tell new ones.

Sherrie

[ToughAsMarshmallow]

Thanks for the welcomes Lucid and LeftWrite!

I've been spending a little too much time in my head lately - real bad neighborhood - so connecting online between meetings can't hurt. Just reading some of the posts brings back some serenity and gratitude.

Have a great day!

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 12

BLEATING FORMALITY


Stupidity stalks me when I am tired, hijacking my mouth. I can put this off to pilot error or interruption of service on my neurologic pipeline, but truly I have been captured by senseless, irrational muttonness. I would love to say it was pigheadedness but, alas, I am not self-determined, I am a sheep. I open my lips and out pours the same plaintive cry as the surrounding herd. In addition, once begun, the wail is unending; it’s as if the bellows works on its own carrying a tune which blends with the entire wool-coated world. I shift and run with my position according to the movements at large. I am following the reactionary breed, dropping the specifics of my personality as one of the crowd; my brain is switched off and a quick veneer grows over my eyes. I can’t see, think, or speak for myself and yet it doesn’t occur to me to hit the hay. When as a petulant three year old I do fall to sleep in my tracks, I wake as myself with many bleating apologies to be made.

Put morbidity on a leash and never walk it alone.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 13

WHAT IS MINE


The cloud of snow slept in the tree overnight and poured from the branches with the morning breezes. Showers of crystal, dropping from a clear daylight sky, are telltales of intentions delayed. What was meant for moon time has been kept till sunshine, a treat for bright eyes and young hearts. How can I weep over altered destinations? Arrivals and departures are truly within the province of poetry and postcards, not things for worry or fretting. Putty is for forming into an image of my desire not the world. Time is a liquid substance I cannot decant at my will. Shoulds and oughts are parlor games for the bored and senseless. If I waste my life playing a game I can’t win I will fail to see what I can’t lose.


Work with someone who works.


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

Thanks for the welcomes Lucid and LeftWrite!

I've been spending a little too much time in my head lately - real bad neighborhood - so connecting online between meetings can't hurt. Just reading some of the posts brings back some serenity and gratitude.

Have a great day!

I know just what you mean. I get my ass kicked when I linger in that neighborhood. I'm glad you are enjoying the thread, it is my safe refuge, I am glad not to be alone in that.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 14

DO WE SEE



The old man walked down the road to see the end; I followed to glimpse the fruit of his pursuit. Does the highway come to rest or like the river just feed a greater sea? And time; will the clock stop him? Can he win the treasure hunt as the seconds tick away on the metronome? Will the slowing of his steps and the advancing of his age create a curve, which will prevent his accomplishment? Does this tag-along I am doing make me a part of his project? The road is long and its end may never come, only ours. When we take the road the road takes us. More and less is what we are and so too the road. I follow the contour of the ground, which curves around the world, spinning in our sky so we can all see the stars.

Reality builds contentment, fantasy disappointment.


Sherrie

[FireHeart]

First off, I'd like to Thank LeftWriteFemme for being so consistent about daily entries onto this thread.

Secondly, I want to send a Internet THANK YOU for a Higher Power that has blessed me so many times over.
I have an awesome program that allows me to Accept ALL people for all that they are, which includes those whose actions I don't entirely understand.
My family means the world to me and I'm sure my teenager will appreciate the boundaries she is presently getting, even if it means I will wait 6 years (or longer? ) before I hear her say so.

I'm grateful that I don't feel the need to participate in Tea-Parties or other such Drama, because nothing truely meaningful EVER comes from such action.

Happy Winter Holidays to all and oh yeah, Don't EVER stop Dreaming!

In True Happiness,
Cal

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 15

GOOSE



I round this corner nearly everyday. There in the field stands a flock of problems pecking the ground and flapping their wings. Uniform and regular, the honking and squawking is undistinguishable from yesterday. I ponder and squint; are these the same or yet another gaggle making their way along a migratory path? Trouble is feral, skulking the edges of the field but never sheltering in the yard. I must leave my hands off, knowing these are not mine. The feathers fly and I gather the strays acutely aware of the ticklish nature of this. Awkwardly I face the truth, no matter how much of a perplexity this is to me or to others, it is only geese.

Run because you want to and the starter’s whistle won’t bother you.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

First off, I'd like to Thank LeftWriteFemme for being so consistent about daily entries onto this thread.

Secondly, I want to send a Internet THANK YOU for a Higher Power that has blessed me so many times over.
I have an awesome program that allows me to Accept ALL people for all that they are, which includes those whose actions I don't entirely understand.
My family means the world to me and I'm sure my teenager will appreciate the boundaries she is presently getting, even if it means I will wait 6 years (or longer? ) before I hear her say so.

I'm grateful that I don't feel the need to participate in Tea-Parties or other such Drama, because nothing truely meaningful EVER comes from such action.

Happy Winter Holidays to all and oh yeah, Don't EVER stop Dreaming!

In True Happiness,
Cal

Cal,

Thank you for posting. I enjoyed what you shared and your quote was a shot in the arm for me this morning. I agree about boundary setting with kids, it's tough, but well worth it and the alternative is sometimes fatal, I always tried to keep that in mind when my resolve would falter.

Have a great day,

Sherrie

[RyanCGY]

One year! Woooohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.butch-femme.com/portal/fo...78#post2679378

All are invited!! Times will be posted once were done making the poster!!!!!!!!

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 16

GOOD SAMARITAN PIE


The meal prepared from my cognition, the bread and jam of humility, salad of expectation, roast of determination and Good Samaritan pie, wait on the table to be devoured. The courses pass and come dessert my kindly intentions are cut to wedges and pushed from setting to setting. I can, with dollop after dollop, cover the requisite desires of this tart in an attempt to deny my addiction to fixing or I can serve up the plain truth. I help and help and wander down roads looking for lost puppies to return to their homes. I must admit my longing to lend support is sometimes half-baked, and if kept to home and hearth it might serve me better and make a sweeter dish. Assistance is best in proportion to the meal. I must live my life and save my pie till last.


Hold each other's hands but explore.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 17

POPCORN FLAVORED LOLLIPOP


I can’t know it. I can’t believe it. The world of popcorn flavored lollipops is now being visited upon me. Both a surprise and a comfort, a popcorn flavored lollipop is given to me by the gas station attendant. A blast of sugar and salt waken my tongue. What can a mind do in the face of a buttered, salted bonbon on a stick? I wouldn’t have thought of it, not in a million years. This is somehow a source of hope to me. There are open-minded people living in the world around me. I often pray for creative thinking on the part of my Higher Power; I inadvertently dismiss the populace who is producing prodigies of ingenious originality and cunning. I want the world to be gifted with what sobriety has given me. Candy is not world peace but many great things start with a little sweetness.


Real rules can’t be broken.


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 18

WATER PROOF



What could water prove anyway? I get in the water and I get wet. I’m sure there is a theorem but a proof is highly doubtful. Naiads dance with tridents in their hands illustrating the beauty and danger of the waves but this certifies nothing. Juiceless arid dirt can make no claims either. I see the ducks take flight pushing the air with their wings and the rivulets trailing from webs. This is the thing to scoot beneath at the surface, take sustenance and pleasure, but never to become so saturated that the air is lost. Waterproof… is the way to go.


Give preconceived notions a place on the shelf or in the can but no place in your life.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

One year! Woooohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.butch-femme.com/portal/fo...78#post2679378

All are invited!! Times will be posted once were done making the poster!!!!!!!!

Ryan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations, I am so excited for you! Keep up the good work!


Big hug,

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 19

ALMOST TWINS



You and I are more alike than different yet we cannot get along, though I ponder why this surprises me so. A cloud and a watermelon are 98% the same and no one would mistake them in a crowd or expect them to be companionable except in the way of two things existing in the universe. My expectation of liking you for our similarities is set up by my fear that I don’t like myself, but the joke is on me. My dislike of you is not a reflection of anything but time and space. My friends are the people who like me, not necessarily the ones who are like me. The president didn’t like broccoli without slurring its good name and I can dislike you without inferring you are a vegetable.

Enjoy the approach as well as the work.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 20

COOCOO’S NEST


I ran away to join the zoo hoping a life contained would calm me. The segregation hit me first; isolated exclusively with those of my stripe drove my thirst for diverse scents and opinion. Next, the monotony of the landscape bore into my brain. The well-meaning effort of the keepers bears the mark of folks who go home at night. The blandness of the food and music lent nothing to the experience, and antiseptic could drive anyone wild. The final blow, the one that struck constantly and coldly, was the stream of observers waiting to be entertained.

Embrace plain tools and fine minds.


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 21

WHAT’S MINE IS MINE


I don’t always know how to get the dog off the baby. The attacks are often sudden and always swift. My shock at the reality delays my response, falters my steps and fogs my mind. What should I do to disengage this assault? What can I do that won’t make things worse? How can I resolve this now? The pain is almost unimaginable, yet all too familiar. It all comes down to ownership. I must admit this baby is me. I have to face facts; this dog is my pet, I have fed, nurtured and groomed him and now I have to put this dog to sleep.

Explore the air not just the dirt.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 22

CHANGE IN MENU



If God is drunk we pray for spiritual sobriety and strong sponsorship. If God is sober we ask for these things on God’s behalf and glory in answered prayer. It is amazing that the rain comes down if I dance for it or not. I can get this wonderful recovery just like the rest of ‘we agnostics’, I don’t have to shake your hand, wink my eye or say some special bit of poetry to have it. Just the same way that weather is and changes and deepens so too is my spiritual condition. It is there as I tread this path. I don’t have to mark the rows in my garden for the plants to grow. I wish for God a salad with two forks, we no longer need to share a bottle.

Dance with your skeletons.


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 23

TRUE VOICE


Some tears pour from my eyes and others from my heart. What once was a head-game and theory is now heartfelt and real. I have grown in my compassion, leaving qualification on the curb. Letters and notice mean so little in the full-out scheme of all the world; like fashion, what is true today, stood on and dependable, is next years joke and off-hand reference. The thump of the muscle deep within me is a compass I can trust. The daily tide of splash and rush can spring water to my face, but what rouses my spirit is much more. I needn’t worry for its receding or discount that it is faithful; it abides with me still and will keep me if I let it. Some sounds ring from my voice; others resonate from within, these are the ones that last.

Aim is as important as a strong arm.


Sherrie

[BabyGirlMela]

Sherrie, I love seeing that you are so faithful, posting here every day. I do read, but haven't had much to say recently. Know that your words do truly make a difference for many of us.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Mela,

Thank you so much. I am happy to post here. I love this thread it feels like my daily touch-stone. I am glad to know that what I write is meaningful to you, I do appreciate hearing that. I hope you are well and life is bending in your direction.

Happy Holidays and Merry New Year!

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 24

RETRO ANTICIPATION AND SUNSHINE


The night after a victory I fret about the blocks. Will my stance be right? Will I leave cleanly? I have been first through the tape. I have won the race but yet I worry how I will start. Had I anticipated a win I might have handled the accolades better. Apprehension has a long half-life and feeds through the night on my gizzards and my dreams. Failure gives homework, there are rewrites and typos, but checkmate leaves an empty board and hands to shake. The long ride home is filled with recriminating thoughts of luck and fortune. By the time I arrive home the win is devalued and no longer mine. I must pry misgivings from the winner’s circle and enjoy. These moments in the sun are just as real as any others.


Draw pictures of monsters, then let them lay.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 25

ALCONAUT



Want to learn it fast but not deep? Just go to meetings and listen with half an ear. Call your sponsor only for her birthday and anniversary and tell her about all the things you are not doing anymore but none of the things you are. Skim the books for good quotes that sound impressive when they pass your lips but whose meaning has no chance of passing your heart. Find playmates and cliques, not a home group, and surely not a service commitment. Things fall out of orbit when they run out of juice and you will too. This program is not an air lock on the way to worlds unknown; it is a way to live in the world you know. There is no question that you have the right stuff. The question is, do you want what we have?

Hug your feelings, pat their heads, then let them go.


Sherrie

[BabyGirlMela]

Happy Christmas to all of my wonderful sisters and brothers in recovery. A special hug to our faithful Sherrie, without whom some of us would have trouble remembering that there is always hope as long as we keep coming back!!!!

[vinnieone]

just wanting to introduce myself. am 65 year old butch living near fresno california. have many years in program and am living a good life because of program. am recently single and looking to meet new people. merry christmas to all
vinnieone

[LeftWriteFemme]

Mela, thank you so much! I hope you had a wonderful holiday!


Vinnie, welcome to and to the friends of Bill thread. I'm glad to see you here. I hope you feel free to post here, this is a warm group!


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 26

HEART HANDED



I pick up the pen in my heart hand and the blood of my soul pours onto the page. The words coalesce and clot into the binding phrases, sealed deals with my spirit's punctuation. Some days it is hard for my mind to keep up; the current is swift and deeper than I expect. The pulse of energy is amazing even to the mind it feeds. Like clouds racing the sky this power brings shade to some and rain to others. The reaction of the moistened varies, some pull up hoods and scurry away, others with upturned faces form a friendship with me. At the level of electrons, we have a molecular bonding, we are forever changed because I have picked up the pen and they picked up the page.


Chain yourself to wisdom.


Sherrie

[BabyGirlMela]

just wanting to introduce myself. am 65 year old butch living near fresno california. have many years in program and am living a good life because of program. am recently single and looking to meet new people. merry christmas to all
vinnieone

Hi, Vinnie, good to see you here. This is a great group, and Sherrie always has amazing things to say.

Mela, thank you so much! I hope you had a wonderful holiday!

The holiday was insane, as usual, but I loved it. Getting to spend time with my kids and grandsons, speaking to a couple of special people I don't get to talk to often, and a quiet Christmas day, just made the holidays awesome for me!

[LeftWriteFemme]

Mela,


I am so glad you had an awesome Christmas!!!! That's great! So, what's up for New Years?? Hey, how is the weather there this time of year??

I had a great meeting last night, the speaker was super, young and really in love with the program, I am always so excited to see that in new comers, hell, I'm excited to see that in anybody.......I have to say I don't understand people who stand on the edge of recovery like they are not sure if they want to get in. Then again, I have never understood anyone who stands one the beach and doesn't get in the water either.........though I do have to look at myself about this issue in regards to my work life, step 12 catches me under the chin again......I need to and am trying to jump into marketing my work with the enthusiasm that I practice in other parts of my life. I am such a typical alchy, you know, there is always a sticking point, something out of balance, or over balanced. I'm working on it, that's the best I can do, and that has always been a good place to start. Please keep me in your prayers. And thanks again for all the encouragement, it feels like a balm, I appreciate it for sure!

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

Mela,


I am so glad you had an awesome Christmas!!!! That's great! So, what's up for New Years?? Hey, how is the weather there this time of year??

I had a great meeting last night, the speaker was super, young and really in love with the program, I am always so excited to see that in new comers, hell, I'm excited to see that in anybody.......I have to say I don't understand people who stand on the edge of recovery like they are not sure if they want to get in. Then again, I have never understood anyone who stands one the beach and doesn't get in the water either.........though I do have to look at myself about this issue in regards to my work life, step 12 catches me under the chin again......I need to and am trying to jump into marketing my work with the enthusiasm that I practice in other parts of my life. I am such a typical alchy, you know, there is always a sticking point, something out of balance, or over balanced. I'm working on it, that's the best I can do, and that has always been a good place to start. Please keep me in your prayers. And thanks again for all the encouragement, it feels like a balm, I appreciate it for sure!

Sherrie

[BabyGirlMela]

Mela,


I am so glad you had an awesome Christmas!!!! That's great! So, what's up for New Years?? Hey, how is the weather there this time of year??

I had a great meeting last night, the speaker was super, young and really in love with the program, I am always so excited to see that in new comers, hell, I'm excited to see that in anybody.......I have to say I don't understand people who stand on the edge of recovery like they are not sure if they want to get in. Then again, I have never understood anyone who stands one the beach and doesn't get in the water either.........though I do have to look at myself about this issue in regards to my work life, step 12 catches me under the chin again......I need to and am trying to jump into marketing my work with the enthusiasm that I practice in other parts of my life. I am such a typical alchy, you know, there is always a sticking point, something out of balance, or over balanced. I'm working on it, that's the best I can do, and that has always been a good place to start. Please keep me in your prayers. And thanks again for all the encouragement, it feels like a balm, I appreciate it for sure!

Sherrie

New Years Eve we are taking our neighbor, her daughter and her Mum to a drag show!

[LeftWriteFemme]

Mela,

That sounds like great fun! I am sorry about the double posts, I have been struggling with the site all day......I forgot it's Wednesday! Never mind that explains it all!

Have a great New Years Eve!

Femme hugs,

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 27

SIZING GOD UP



God doesn’t need to be big. I only look for a big God when I feel very small. I turn to God as compensation for my feelings, as some sort of bolster to brace myself with. I have found when I am diminished in any way, God is tucked in a corner or pocket or drawer. I flee to the great out of doors and find earth, nature and wind but the God of my understanding is proportionate to my mental state. My partner is with me, near enough to hear the fear pour off my skin. God doesn’t run from me to adventures in the wild. I want to escape myself regularly but this is not my Higher Power's defect. I come back to God when I stop running from me. I face my reflection and recognize I am not towered over by a giant God; I am yoked with a power to share the load.


Enjoy the shape of things.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 28

DON’T BITE


Desperation jumps up, runs around, then drops. If I don’t feed it, desperation burns out fast. I used to buy the advertising, the Horror, the Humanity. The acorn falling on my head convinced me easily. I grew this nut into terrifying despair never realizing if I had left it alone how quickly it would pass. When tragedy comes there is no time for a performance. The whirling splendor itself proves the farce. If I learn to recognize these triggers I might keep from shooting myself in the foot. If I let desperation wear itself out I can stay with the pack. Despondence splinters me and separates me from anything rational but quiet resolve lets me watch the wind twist while I keep my feet on the ground.


Pay your friends in consideration and truth.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 29

RELAPSE IS NOT REQUIRED



“Relapse is not required,” said my sponsor, “though at some meetings they make it seem appealing, all that prodigal drunk treatment.”
“Well, so far, I’m living in the blessing of being convinced the first time,” I told her, “plus what could possibly be out there that’s better than what’s in here?”
“That is the point. There is so much out there that is faster and bigger, more dramatic and extreme, but I sure have never seen anything better,” she patted my head and I grinned.
“Since I am winning the first time why would I want to lose?” I add just to overstate her point.
“This is the perfect place for those who want it, and all the rest get drunk, but drinking is not required any more than Santa has to come on Christmas.”

Save pretty words in a jar like candy.


Sherrie

[Diesel_Femme]

So, I'm new here, also and looking for some other sober folks to converse with. Is there an active thread somewhere that I haven't found yet in addition to this one? Thanks! Kerry

[LeftWriteFemme]

So, I'm new here, also and looking for some other sober folks to converse with. Is there an active thread somewhere that I haven't found yet in addition to this one? Thanks! Kerry

Dear Kerry,

I am sorry to say that this IS the active thread, but that doesn't mean that we couldn't liven it up in here by picking a topic or something of the sort. Lots of people read this thread, but rarely do they post, If we brainstorm maybe we could tempt them in here.......well, lets say attract them.........rather than promoting the thread. Let me know what you think.


Sherrie

[ToughAsMarshmallow]

Dear Kerry,

I am sorry to say that this IS the active thread, but that doesn't mean that we couldn't liven it up in here by picking a topic or something of the sort. Lots of people read this thread, but rarely do they post, If we brainstorm maybe we could tempt them in here.......well, lets say attract them.........rather than promoting the thread. Let me know what you think.


Sherrie

Welcome to the thread Kerry!

Ok, I'll admit - I do pop in and read this thread often and rarely post... picking a topic to get things going sounds like a great idea Sherrie. How about gratitude? That's usually a good one.

I am full of gratitude from another sober Christmas. It's nice being able to stick around at the family gathering without feeling like I need to run out the door to get my fix. I can actually enjoy being with my family now. I am also looking forward to a nice quiet New Years with sober friends - and God willing I'll be able to remember the whole thing the next day - imagine that!

I'm also grateful for my home group. We've been struggling to keep it going lately - our membership has been really slim for a while. Tonight it was time for the meeting to start and there was only one other person there. Instead of packing things back up, we decided to talk about step one. It turned out to be a great meeting. I'm grateful that I get what I need even when it doesn't take the shape I want or expect it to.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year. Thanks for your dedication to this thread Sherrie!