Friend of Bill W.

[JesterButch]

Ok, I am willing to TRY and get a meeting going tomorrow nite and see what happens
I will go into chat and see if I can "open a room" for us
It might not be as fancy as a password needed deal (as in the past) but we will be there and share with each other and see what we can get going
Let's say 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern Time

Hope to see some of you there "Friends of Bill"
Please join us if you have experience with opening a room or not!!!
So, we could keep this going week to week! THANKS

JesTer

[perse]

I will try to be there tomorrow Jester!

I hope others come and join us.

~perse

[Dat_NYC-Guy]

Thanks Jester - I will try and make it - I haven't made a RT meeting for a little while due to my knee injury - I had a torn meniscus and it was murder to get around. I just had knee surgery this past Wednesday so thank goodness I will be up and moving around pain-free for the first time in a very long time. I'll have 10 months on the 11th of this month and I've had either intense body pain from detoxing or the horrible pains from the torn meniscus. (I've even missed ballgames at Shea!!! )

I'm grateful that I have a high pain tolerance as I was given 'non-addictive' pain medication for the month leading up to my surgery - unfortunately or perhaps fortunately they made me sick to my stomach and I had to stop taking them. I told my doctor that I am in recovery. After my surgery my doctor prescribed me another type of pain medication. I took them as prescribed and again - I got the shakes, dizzy, threw up (on the floor cause I couldn't get to the toilet in time) So, instead of being pain free I am taking only a quarter of the pain meds so that I don't get sick but still have a difficult time with the pain. (One half or one pill every 6 hours instead of taking two every 5 hours)

My girlfriend and I discussed these pills before I took them and I also discussed it with my sponsor. I wasn't worried about going out but I was concerned about how it might affect me emotionally. Fortunately, she has been helping me with the icing the knee and my physical therapy which is going well so I'm planning on the pain meds going down the toilet after tomorrow. Thank God and the program of AA - not to mention that my girl is also in the program and I am talking with my sponsor about them as well.

I used to be angry that I was an alcoholic and I had heard many people in the rooms say that they were grateful that they were an alcoholic. I know what they are now talking about because the program of recovery is not just to stay clean and sober - it is a way of life and today I am so ever grateful that this program has given me back my life and I have learned how to smile.

While in bed recovering I have been reading the AA book - 'Pass It On - Bill Wilson and the AA Message' I am just amazed and struck at how HP gave this man and others the courage to live a sober life and to share it with others.

David

Ok, I am willing to TRY and get a meeting going tomorrow nite and see what happens
I will go into chat and see if I can "open a room" for us
It might not be as fancy as a password needed deal (as in the past) but we will be there and share with each other and see what we can get going
Let's say 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern Time

Hope to see some of you there "Friends of Bill"
Please join us if you have experience with opening a room or not!!!
So, we could keep this going week to week! THANKS

JesTer

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 10

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND?



I was running on empty and thought I was getting along that way but the smoke gave me away. My life had caught on fire and I burned it to the ground. I thought nothing had been apparent until it all lay in ashes. My sponsor said, “no, we all knew when your tank ran dry. The sucking sound could be heard for miles around.”
I asked her, if that were true, why I hadn’t heard it myself?
She said, she guessed I had my denial turned up too loud.


Box a gift to be set free at a later date.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 11

YES, THAT TOO



When kindness becomes a weakness, when mental agility becomes emotional instability, it’s time to reassess everything. I cannot leave any thing off my inventory because my grandma, or society or the preacher says it’s a good thing to be. Every blessing can be a curse; all my characteristics have their dark side. I have to list the entirety of my cargo and keep a watchful eye. I have to moderate my investment in all my abilities or I could lose myself. Warmth is nice but I don’t want Death Valley. Integrity requires balance or depraved indifference will be the outcome. Weak and strong, right and wrong, it all goes on the scale.


Be generous with yourself, then others.


Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[JesterButch]

we had a pretty nice meeting except for the announcements of who was coming and going from the hot tub, it was just like old times
Greyson, perse, Left Write Femme, and a few others came and went
We should try again Thursday? If anyone is familuar with how to use the new format and get a room going WITHOUT all the announcements and interruptions, please join us!!!

Next Friend of Bill 12 step meeting online- this Thursday at 9 p.m. Eastern Time/ 6 p.m. for you lucky Pacific time zoners


My advice if you are trying NOT to lose your mind btw~~ DO NOT GET A PUPPY anytime soon and expect to GET ANY SLEEP

jesTer

[koop]

we had a pretty nice meeting except for the announcements of who was coming and going from the hot tub, it was just like old times
Greyson, perse, Left Write Femme, and a few others came and went
We should try again Thursday? If anyone is familuar with how to use the new format and get a room going WITHOUT all the announcements and interruptions, please join us!!!

Next Friend of Bill 12 step meeting online- this Thursday at 9 p.m. Eastern Time/ 6 p.m. for you lucky Pacific time zoners


My advice if you are trying NOT to lose your mind btw~~ DO NOT GET A PUPPY anytime soon and expect to GET ANY SLEEP

jesTer

Sorry to tell you there is no way to turn that off ... if you turn off your volume for the meeting it will atleast take away that part of the irritation.

unfortunately I'm trying to up my real time meetings and this are both the nights I've added meetings to!

Alcoholic insanity has been dwelling in my abode lately.

It has been nice to be able to add the extra meetings and every meeting I've heard precisely what I've needed to hear to sort of jolt me back to where I need to be

[perse]

I hope everyone made it through the day ok today. I am sure today was a rough day for many people.

~perse

A Quote For Today-

When we long for life without difficulties,
remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds
and diamonds are made under pressure.

~Peter Marshall

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 12

WHY NOT HOME?



Power is not production and production is not art. I have to keep pulling the car over to the side of the road so I don’t miss the train of words sent to me from out of the dark blue life I am on the edge of living. But I still want to go home. I will never give up these roadside excursions into the river of thought, though I do wonder why the cable shoved into my house never gets this channel? Why is the connection so strong on the bus not the bed? The minefields of thought explosions seem seeded anywhere as long as it’s at least five miles away. Power is not production and production is not art. I let it pour through me; it’s not mine to sort.


Learn to read God’s handwriting.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[Greyson]

September 12

WHY NOT HOME?

Power is not production and production is not art. I have to keep pulling the car over to the side of the road so I don’t miss the train of words sent to me from out of the dark blue life I am on the edge of living. But I still want to go home. I will never give up these roadside excursions into the river of thought, though I do wonder why the cable shoved into my house never gets this channel? Why is the connection so strong on the bus not the bed? The minefields of thought explosions seem seeded anywhere as long as it’s at least five miles away. Power is not production and production is not art. I let it pour through me; it’s not mine to sort.

Learn to read God’s handwriting.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

Sherrie,
Once again, I read your words and walk away in contemplation. The words are as if I have found a treasure. I stick them in my pocket next to my heart and take them with me through out my day. My sobriety is a gift. A gift I must nuture. Thank you.


Perse,
Thank you for posting and being willing to share yourself and your thoughts with us here. And yes, I too was in memories yesterday of "that day." It was imprinted upon many of us for the rest of our lives.

Greyson

[perse]

Black & White

Unravel me
a distant cord
on the outside is forgotten
a constant need
to get along
and the animal awakens
and all I feel is black and white

The road is long
the memory slides
to the whole of my undoing put aside
I put away
I push it back to get through each day
and all I feel is black and white
and I'm wound up small and tight
and I don't know who I am


Everybody loves you when you're easy
everybody hates when you're a bore
everyone is waiting for your entrance so
don't disappoint them

Unravel me
untie this chord
the very centre of our union
is caving in
I can't endure
I am the archive of our failure

And all I feel is black and white
and I'm wound up small and tight
and I don't know who I am

Everybody loves you when you're easy
everybody hates when you're a bore
everyone is waiting for your entrance
so don't disappoint them


Sarah McLaughlin

[damselindistress]

Hey there....I believe ol' Dat had 10 months yesterday. Am I right? If so, congrats dahling

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 13

RECOGNIZABLE NONEXISTENCE



You will never take time to tell the truth. You will always take time to tell a joke. As you run from your life I see the familiar vapor trails of an unlived life. When I flee my life through caretaking I leave the same mist of unfulfilled desire behind me. I look at your potential and the damage that you do by not being here. I turn the magnifying glass on me and search for the same trends. I feel abandoned by the you, the you you never were but always should have been. I pray for the key, which will get me on the other side of the door you never opened. I hope to live life as it is rather than the comedy it can never be.


Cross the rivers in your mind.


Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

Greyson, Thank you so much for the kind words.

David, Happy 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 14

KILLER SQUIRRELS AND OTHER SOBER DRAMA


I can tell you stories to make your hair curl: death-defying fifth steps, speaking commitments with microphoned podiums, sponsees with killer squirrels trapped in the house. Courage and sheer determination are needed to face plague, after crisis, after pestilence, and yet with sober mind and willing heart these travails are surmounted and we live on. Tears turn to laughter with rescue and remedy. How strong we feel as the cape is passed, when the one-time panic prone sponsee becomes the model of calm and stable sponsor. Hoards of relatives at holidays and interactions with bankers, police officers and all manner of people in shiny shoes are handled with grace and boundaries. Porch loving skunks, children becoming teenagers are faced with humor and wit. Things, which in years gone by would have sent us screaming to the phone, are now casual asides during after-meeting discussion. Life does keep on spinning but we learn how to stand still.


Spend a day on a lily pad.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[perse]

Today's Thought

SEPTEMBER 13, 2005

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Melody Beattie ©

Times of Reprogramming

Recovery is not all-tiresome, unrewarded work. There are times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice what we have learned. There are times of change, times when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a particular problem. These are the times when what we've been practicing in recovery begins to show in our life. These times of change are intense, but purposeful.

There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being "reprogrammed. " We start letting go of beliefs and behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar. During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and needy - like we are on a journey without a road map or a flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this ground before. We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We may not know where or if we are being led.

We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working His finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road to. We will be led to someone who can help us, someone who can provide the markers we need. We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold. Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when we don't understand it. We are right where we need to be in this process; we're going through exactly what we need to experience. And where we're going is better than any place we've been.

Today, God, help me believe that the changes I'm going through are for the good. Help me believe that the road I'm traveling will lead to a place of light, love, and joy.

[NormaJean]

Sometimes,
I find myself sometimes wanting to be more, better, than I am today.

I want to be a better mother, a better daughter, a better spouse.
I want to be more femme on some days, and more butch on others.
I want to be a better person, more the kind of person that people will remember when I die.

Some days,
more and better are just not attainable, no matter how hard I try.
Those are the days that I have to remember to be gentle with myself, to remember that fluidity is a necessary part of my life.
I have to remember that there are going to be good and bad days,
days when my trying will get me somewhere, and days where it won't.

I honestly DO try not to be hard on myself.
But with so many years of trying to be perfect,
and usually failing miserably,
it is difficult to remember that I am only human,
and I have to take each day as it comes.
In the program, we learn about "Living life on life's terms".
There are days that I fight that concept with everything I have in me,
and I suffer for it.
On those days, I feel as if no matter what I do, it is just never good enough...
that is when I am hardest on myself,
and when I hurt,
emotionally and physically,
the most.

Will I ever learn to be who/what I expect of myself??
Probably not,
as my ideas of what that is are much higher than is humanly possible.
I want total and complete perfection.
That state of being is completely unattainable.
I am not Jesus Christ, not Mother Theresa, not a Goddess nor a God.

So...today I am going to try to conciously remember that while I am not perfect, I am as perfect as I need to be to get along in this world.
I will remember to be gentle with myself.
I will remember that I am who I am,
and do my best to love myself for who I am.

"We are better than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less."
-- Anonymous

[denverbookie]

Hey there....I believe ol' Dat had 10 months yesterday. Am I right? If so, congrats dahling

Happy 10 months David!

[denverbookie]

Thurs mtg? I tried the chat thingy but I think I am doing something wrong. Is there a room to select?

[LeftWriteFemme]

Sept 15

WHINING BRATS


Some days whining brats come at me from all directions and my hair won’t curl. Apathy chases me around the house. I wonder how it has more energy than I do. My mind twists into a wrinkled mess; I drag my good foot and hop on the bad one. And even on those days I still rather be me; I never long to be the innocent victim or the spiritual leader, the tough guy or the PhD. No matter how bad it gets or what the struggle is, there is no place sweeter than in my head. Many are the days when I wished not to exist, not at all, but never to shuck my skin for the skin of another. Now that I manage, breathe right and face each day with cheer I know it was almost worth it and might be worth it yet.


Write your name on a piece of paper and slip it into your pocket.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[NormaJean]

Write your name on a piece of paper and slip it into your pocket.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

I will have to try this one....

[funkyfemme]

congrats on 10 months david!!!! that's awesome!!!

[funkyfemme]

ok so. i'm heading out to my meeting in a few and i'm feeling really queezy. i'm supposed to chair the mtg tonite and it's making me sick to my stomach. i've never chaired before as i do not like speaking in front of a crowd. my sponsor told me earlier this week that i was ready and that i could do this. "no problem" she says....."i'll be sitting right next to ya". friday nites are typically a small crowd. with my luck the house will be packed!

my hands are sweaty and my belly is doing flip flops. wish me luck.

[mrMsf2005]

ok so. i'm heading out to my meeting in a few and i'm feeling really queezy. i'm supposed to chair the mtg tonite and it's making me sick to my stomach. i've never chaired before as i do not like speaking in front of a crowd. my sponsor told me earlier this week that i was ready and that i could do this. "no problem" she says....."i'll be sitting right next to ya". friday nites are typically a small crowd. with my luck the house will be packed!

my hands are sweaty and my belly is doing flip flops. wish me luck.

wow, good for you! its progress not perfection funkyfemme, and not once did you say, 'screw it! my sponser can sit there cuz i aint going!' you know what i mean? the most uncomfortable feeling i get is when i show up-for new things that i end up really being good at and enjoying;
i had been isolating for like 2 and a half weeks and blew off my commitments(3), my sponsees(2)disappeared, my sponser and i had been playing phone tag and i basically rested on my laurels and stopped going to meetings altogether; its a miracle i'm still sober, that< to me is shocking in itself, yet proof, if i needed it, that my HP does for me what i cannot do for myself, so i began with a meeting; than another one and raised my hand and shared i had been isolating, i have grave emotional and mental difficulties but i have the capapcity to be honest, so here i am. then another mtg, same thing; the next mtg during the announcements i raised my hand stood up and said,(qualified/ID'd)i am looking for a new sponser, i am honest open minded and willing to take suggestions, i got a new sponser and 3 sponsees, 3commitments and been doing a mtg EVERYDAY SINCE, and she/ my sponser had me make 3 different ammends to the mtgs i flaked-off my commitments at, and to the other person who i shared one with. we meet once a week, i am happy, and free from the bondage of self, for the moment!, its all growth you know?, i'm glad you 're nervous, shows you are honest and guess what HUMAN. i watch people act like "yeh, this is no biggie," when do they do fearful things, my experience is that they are too cool for school adn dont want to look bad/supid/like they dont know what they are doing, none of us do, thats why i drank/ used. to look cool, and casual and like nothing bothered me or scared me, 3yrs2mos later i cant leave my house except to get ben and jerry's and go to therapy! and im standing in crowded meetings telling people this!telling everyone my truth at group level!

but guess what?the earth didnt swallow me up i didnt break in half or fall to pieces and as wound as my stomach was after wooofing down a bazillion sweeets/ cookies and cups of coffee, i was able to get thru it and do it again if i have to; be
honest open-minded and willing to go to ANY length, by what ever means necessary.
good luck FUNKYFEMME; have a gr8 meeting!
mrM

[Dat_NYC-Guy]

Aw thank you everyone for the congrats on my ten months. I was talking with my girlfriend last night about my last few months of drinking and started to count all of the blessings I have received since I got sober.

I used to kick myself in the ass for all of the missed opportunities while I was drinking and then I read Bill W biography and have just started to read Dr Bob's biography and it dawned on me that they too had a lot of missed opportunities - Dr. Bob getting sober later in life as well - but, they didn't sit around moping - they cherished what they had while sober - it taught me a lot - I now know what it means by not regretting the past - I did that while drinking - I now have today and hopefully tomorrow.

Again, thanks!

David

[Dat_NYC-Guy]

You will be awesome! I was a bit nervous when I first shared my story. I wish I could be there for your share. I remember when I first sobered up and I really listened to the newer members when they shared their story because they I could relate a lot better as I was just coming out of the fog. I don't have a lot of time in comparison to a lot of folks but today I hear a message in what everyone says as there is usually something I can relate to - I'm sure a lot of folks will relate to what you have to share. I am soooooooooooooooooooo thrilled you got sober!

David

ok so. i'm heading out to my meeting in a few and i'm feeling really queezy. i'm supposed to chair the mtg tonite and it's making me sick to my stomach. i've never chaired before as i do not like speaking in front of a crowd. my sponsor told me earlier this week that i was ready and that i could do this. "no problem" she says....."i'll be sitting right next to ya". friday nites are typically a small crowd. with my luck the house will be packed!

my hands are sweaty and my belly is doing flip flops. wish me luck.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 16

ROOFTOP COFFEE



Who is more powerless: the person driving down the road with his cup of coffee on the roof of the car, or the one who sees it happen? Lost in mental chaos, lost to the small things, I set the cup and forget, or content and serene, I am examining details and notice the oddness. When my mind wanders I am helpless in the whirlpool and suction. When I am grounded I am struck by the separate sealedness of the carnival around me. Potential rides on the top; will it fall forward or back? Will there be a sticky haze on the front windshield or the rear? Or I could remember at the stoplight and spare myself everything but the embarrassment. As the observer I try to be helpful, I point and jump and shout, calling the predicament to the attention of others in an attempt to increase my chances of success. We all stand as the coffee speeds away to unknown disaster.


Wear your boldness like a mane.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[koop]

Hey There!

As far as I know no one is in charge of putting together any thing recovery wise at the Bash so I've unofficially stepped up and posted the following thread for those in recovery attending the bash!

If someone is I apologize, but I atleast have set you up with some helpful information.

I will send a message to Chris and Rhon also.

2006 Las Vegas Bash and Recovery (FOB, FOL, and any other programs)

[koop]

Hey There!

As far as I know no one is in charge of putting together any thing recovery wise at the Bash so I've unofficially stepped up and posted the following thread for those in recovery attending the bash!

If someone is I apologize, but I atleast have set you up with some helpful information.

I will send a message to Chris and Rhon also.

2006 Las Vegas Bash and Recovery (FOB, FOL, and any other programs)

Okay that link didn't work so I'll try again


2006 Las Vegas Bash and Recovery (FOB, FOL, and any other programs)

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 17

HATCHLING



When the shell gets too tight it’s time to hatch. I can’t tell you it’s safe out there, just that it’s time to go. The leaving is not easy. Exodus fulfilled by the use of one small tooth. This experience may or may not prepare you for the rest of your life, so much still depends on predestination and your attitude. I mean are you a chicken or a hawk? A peacock or dove? Or is there something of which I am unaware? Did someone sit on your nest or was it covered in sand? Are you turtle, lizard or snake? See, so much is out of your hands, but still your actions are your choice.


Touch your books and pet them.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[perse]

There is an NA Rainbow Weekend being held November 10-12 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

For more information please go to http://www.rainbowweekend.org.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 18

SMARTS



Intelligence should be used as a tool not a weapon. Intelligence is as common as silica and can be used to do anything, so, why not as a helping hand, lifeline, foothold? Intelligence doesn’t preclude ignorance, arrogance or stupidity. Nor does it eliminate selfishness, greed or anarchy. Intelligence is not a substitute for wisdom and cannot hold a candle to kindness. Intelligence makes things possible, help and hurt; intention makes the decision. Intelligence is like a hand full of sand.


Pair your books for companionship.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[mrMsf2005]

Aw thank you everyone for the congrats on my ten months. I was talking with my girlfriend last night about my last few months of drinking and started to count all of the blessings I have received since I got sober.

I used to kick myself in the ass for all of the missed opportunities while I was drinking and then I read Bill W biography and have just started to read Dr Bob's biography and it dawned on me that they too had a lot of missed opportunities - Dr. Bob getting sober later in life as well - but, they didn't sit around moping - they cherished what they had while sober - it taught me a lot - I now know what it means by not regretting the past - I did that while drinking - I now have today and hopefully tomorrow.

Again, thanks!

David

hey congratulations on 10months!
wow, good job, i'm glad you are well and not dwelling on morbid relection of your past, you have a good grip on what you are grateful for; i just had one of my sponsee's do a gratitude list and it was awesome to hear! i will give one up here; PEACH PIE. yum!
let your sobriety be as sweet and tasty and deliscious and comforting as a slice of peach pie DAT-NYC_ GUY! all the best way to go! abrazos mrM

[Dat_NYC-Guy]

Thanks! My sponsor has me write to her everyday a gratitude list of ten things. I forget a few days here and there but it has centered me to the good things in my life...

AND .................

something totally unrelated to the program

THE METS WIN THE EASTERN NL DIVISION TITLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in baseball heaven.

David

hey congratulations on 10months!
wow, good job, i'm glad you are well and not dwelling on morbid relection of your past, you have a good grip on what you are grateful for; i just had one of my sponsee's do a gratitude list and it was awesome to hear! i will give one up here; PEACH PIE. yum!
let your sobriety be as sweet and tasty and deliscious and comforting as a slice of peach pie DAT-NYC_ GUY! all the best way to go! abrazos mrM

[damselindistress]

Aren't those Mets just Fabulous??? Thanks HP

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 19

HUMILITY


A great woman walks my street everyday. She carries a tall walking stick with a loop for her hand. Each morning I see her low crown of hair and the half-smile, her friendly wave when I catch her eye. Each morning when I see her I see the secret play across her face, humility. This is the secret she cannot share. I know she would sing it from the mountaintops if it would help, but humility is not a secret you can tell; it’s a secret you have to live with. As I slowly learn this precious thing I see it shine in others. Recognition of the persons with inborn dignity and a keen understanding of their personal value lights inside me. When I see this fine woman walking with purpose, I appreciate myself better and am so very grateful for those who keep humility alive by living it.


Know your friends well and your books better.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[HappyCount]

Hello Family-You all don't know it, but you've just helped me make it across the country in a move from Ohio to Tucson AZ. Sherrie, your post about the Exodus the other day was exactly what I needed. I've been here a few days and already have a local sponsor and daily meetings I like. Now if I can just get a job...HP and time will tell about that one. Thanks to all of you for your support just by being here. Jodie

[LeftWriteFemme]

Jodie,

I'm so glad I could be of help. Good luck on the job hunt and congrats on your move.

Sherrie
ps. I love your quote, it's from one of my favorite films, I had the pleasure of seeing it in the theater.

[NormaJean]

Hello Family-You all don't know it, but you've just helped me make it across the country in a move from Ohio to Tucson AZ. Sherrie, your post about the Exodus the other day was exactly what I needed. I've been here a few days and already have a local sponsor and daily meetings I like. Now if I can just get a job...HP and time will tell about that one. Thanks to all of you for your support just by being here. Jodie

Congrats, Jodie,
and best of luck in your new home!!!

[funkyfemme]

wow, good for you! its progress not perfection funkyfemme, and not once did you say, 'screw it! my sponser can sit there cuz i aint going!' you know what i mean? the most uncomfortable feeling i get is when i show up-for new things that i end up really being good at and enjoying;
i had been isolating for like 2 and a half weeks and blew off my commitments(3), my sponsees(2)disappeared, my sponser and i had been playing phone tag and i basically rested on my laurels and stopped going to meetings altogether; its a miracle i'm still sober, that< to me is shocking in itself, yet proof, if i needed it, that my HP does for me what i cannot do for myself, so i began with a meeting; than another one and raised my hand and shared i had been isolating, i have grave emotional and mental difficulties but i have the capapcity to be honest, so here i am. then another mtg, same thing; the next mtg during the announcements i raised my hand stood up and said,(qualified/ID'd)i am looking for a new sponser, i am honest open minded and willing to take suggestions, i got a new sponser and 3 sponsees, 3commitments and been doing a mtg EVERYDAY SINCE, and she/ my sponser had me make 3 different ammends to the mtgs i flaked-off my commitments at, and to the other person who i shared one with. we meet once a week, i am happy, and free from the bondage of self, for the moment!, its all growth you know?, i'm glad you 're nervous, shows you are honest and guess what HUMAN. i watch people act like "yeh, this is no biggie," when do they do fearful things, my experience is that they are too cool for school adn dont want to look bad/supid/like they dont know what they are doing, none of us do, thats why i drank/ used. to look cool, and casual and like nothing bothered me or scared me, 3yrs2mos later i cant leave my house except to get ben and jerry's and go to therapy! and im standing in crowded meetings telling people this!telling everyone my truth at group level!

but guess what?the earth didnt swallow me up i didnt break in half or fall to pieces and as wound as my stomach was after wooofing down a bazillion sweeets/ cookies and cups of coffee, i was able to get thru it and do it again if i have to; be
honest open-minded and willing to go to ANY length, by what ever means necessary.
good luck FUNKYFEMME; have a gr8 meeting!
mrM

well mrM....i ended up bailing on chairing the mtg. i went to the mtg but just didn't have the balls to chair. i was sweating profusely, my stomach was a wreck and i'd never felt SO sick about anything in my life. WTF?? i was so mad at myself and let my sponsor down as well. but she was cool. i'm chairing tomorrow's mtg no matter what though (shaking and sweating and all LOL). she keeps telling me that i have to face my fear and that i will be amazed at how much better i will feel for tackling the issue. ::hrugs::: i just need to get it over with. i'll be sure to let ya know how it goes. thanks for your support!!!!!