Friend of Bill W.

[DallasLesbian]

it was SO awesome, LB. i felt great. the coffee was supreme. my dog was at my side. and the sunrise was beautiful. shit, who knew!!!!! it felt so so good, but damn, why did i have to cry?? i'm feeling really good today but i can't stop crying. not sure why exactly, but i'm not fighting it. just letting it all out.

Sweetie, I remember in my early days of sobriety doing the same thing. I had so many feelings and the emotions of it all was sometimes overwelming. I think all one can do during this time is to let it all go. Just remember sweetie, this to shall change. I know that the high's were really high and the lows were really low.......after awhile they begin to get on more of an even keel.......the high's and low's eventually found a balance. It's all about change. Just keep going to meetings and talk to your sponsor's and friends.

[funkyfemme]

Sweetie, I remember in my early days of sobriety doing the same thing. I had so many feelings and the emotions of it all was sometimes overwelming. I think all one can do during this time is to let it all go. Just remember sweetie, this to shall change. I know that the high's were really high and the lows were really low.......after awhile they begin to get on more of an even keel.......the high's and low's eventually found a balance. It's all about change. Just keep going to meetings and talk to your sponsor's and friends.

i'm aware of the highs and lows. it just feels really good right now but i know the low moments are not far away. i'm just maintaining and sticking with the mtgs.

& LB! you rock!

[FireHeart]

it felt so so good, but damn, why did i have to cry?? i'm feeling really good today but i can't stop crying. not sure why exactly, but i'm not fighting it. just letting it all out.

That would be your Higher Power opening up your heart.
It's o.k.
Let it happen ...

[Lady_Di]

July 25

THE LIVING DREAM



Throwing yourself into the river in pieces drowns you as crumbs. Casting aside love and longing makes you less in your heart, and your soul stops beating. Pitching your tent with critics and complainers leaves you out in the cold on warm summer evenings. Crest the hill to meet the rising sun; orbit the constellations without hesitation. Petitpoint the pictures in your mind, then set them to music. The world is your dream. Live it into reality.


Picture your voice.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

live the dreAM
live real-ITy

ahhhh, mi muse.... simple perfection caught again~

for this one and yesterdays, thank you

I don't much like July 26, so I make it always extra special, by doing more and making it even better than the last, cause it now is not only an anniversary of well, uhmmmmm something in particular that I will never live down

and the birthday of the other half of me

being that all that encompasses us was simply sand and water, you nailed it with what you seem to channel

July 26

TO SLOOP

When I was a tanker I carried such a heavy load. The diesel cycle ran, combustion occurred at regular intervals and my internal temperature was terrific. The fuel sprayed and things went round and round; the cost was high. Now my principal means of propulsion is the wind in my sails. Conversion was difficult, and though I found the rigging and mast a fascination, the ballast was a heavy load to bear. The price of stability is responsibility. Cargo is something short-lived, to be cast off at the next port. Incumbent discretion is welded to my keel and will go with me to every harbor. As a tankard, liquid was transported or consumed; as a cutter, dependability keeps me tacking into the wind. Now, my outlay is low and my rewards are high. I carry only what I need. I am free, a sloop upon the sea.


Map your body.

____________________________________________


So thank you Sherrie

it is no doubt we are channeling something divine here...

our Higher Power has difinitely Touched us With a Spark all Right
Or is that Left....

Write On
Lady di

[mrMsf2005]

mrMsf2005 - congrats on your three years!

Damsel - congrats to you on your 19 years - you have been on my gratitude list for a while for all the times you have shared your strength and hope with me to keep my butt in the center of that life boat. You are one of the winners.

David

hey thanx dat_nyc-guy! i really appreciate that, thank you sooooo much.
when i was 3days sober 3YEARS seemed sooooo far away/ unattainable
out of any reality i could reach; but no shit, here it is, 1099 days later....
so thank you and keep up the good work my friend. mrM

[RedtailedHawk]

David you are too f*$%ing cool!!! I WILL become a METS fan!

[funkyfemme]

That would be your Higher Power opening up your heart.
It's o.k.
Let it happen ...

oh is that what it is??? LOL i wouldn't know. i don't have such a good relationship with the HP. i'm working on one, but finding it hard since i've gone my 39 years w/o having that sort of relationship. but i am letting it out and it effing feels wonderful.

today i have 51 hours of sobriety under my belt! yay!! and looky, i'm up again at 0 dark thirty with the cup of joe and my doggie digging the sunrise.

i had a moment last nite and wanted to drink really badly. but dammit, that lil white chip didn't disolve so i had another pepsi and watched a horror flick and went to bed sober. so kewl!!!!!

thanks for the support FH!!

[funkyfemme]

mornin' everybody. just wishing all a super and sober day!

H A P P Y F R I D A Y!!!!

[Kashesan]

I have to keep myself humble. Not let my guard down. When my desire to drink is not actually in front of my face, it's in the mail, Kath, like a cut-off notice or an Insufficient Funds slip from the bank. Slapping myself on the back for another day of sobriety? Fine, slap away Kath. But I ain't out of the woods, I was born there, and I can only light my way through them every day with a lantern.

Feeling It Ready To Strike

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 28

JUXTAPOSITION


Right next to this world is the globe that I came from. The landmarks are similar but these spheres have little in common. The angle of refraction illuminates the place of my origin. The source of this light is legend. On my home planet, the existence of sobriety is cast off as myth. I held on to this tale with my heart. I slipped the gravitational bonds of crazy one night by the glow of the ready button on the coffeepot. Here and there intersect at only one point, a room with some chairs and a circle with a triangle. The meeting was on Step One and it was a good place to jump in.


Put a leaf on your tongue just for fun.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[NormaJean]

oh is that what it is??? LOL i wouldn't know. i don't have such a good relationship with the HP. i'm working on one, but finding it hard since i've gone my 39 years w/o having that sort of relationship. but i am letting it out and it effing feels wonderful.

today i have 51 hours of sobriety under my belt! yay!! and looky, i'm up again at 0 dark thirty with the cup of joe and my doggie digging the sunrise.

i had a moment last nite and wanted to drink really badly. but dammit, that lil white chip didn't disolve so i had another pepsi and watched a horror flick and went to bed sober. so kewl!!!!!

thanks for the support FH!!

Jules,
I have said it to you before,
but I just want to let you know once again
how incredibly proud I am of you.
I knew you had it in you to stop the insanity,
and I will always be here when you need a friend to talk to.

Seeing people that I met while they were drinking/drugging
get clean and sober is one of the most amazing feelings in the world.
And though I know that the hard work was done by my friends in recovery,
with the help of the program and their higher powers,
it always gives me a little thrill when I remember that there are a few people in this world that I helped along the way,
by pointing them to the rooms of AA/NA,
and by giving them love and encouragement.
One person that I care about deeply is coming up on 2 years,
and it makes me feel good to know that I can take the tiniest drop of credit.
He knows who he is, and I hope he knows how proud I am of him.

[tomboystud]

Good morning everyone!!!
I hope everyone has a clean day.
Some moments I can't believe it has been six years for me already and at other moments it feels much longer. Hmmmmm my higher power has been working in my life b/c I was struggling with making a decision and an opportunity was presented to me that I hadn't even thought of. Page 76 of the Basic Text says "We have NEVER seen a person relapse who lives the Program of Narcotics Anonymous." I feel that is the most powerful statement in the whole text.

[NormaJean]

Page 76 of the Basic Text says "We have NEVER seen a person relapse who lives the Program of Narcotics Anonymous." I feel that is the most powerful statement in the whole text.

The operative word in that text is LIVES...
Those who are true to themselves,
and to their program,
do not relapse.

Great job on your 6 years, TBS....
Have you given yourself a treat for making it?
I got myself tattoos for my 6 and 8 year dates,
and have one planned for 10,
though the actual date was in February.
As soon as I have the money,
that is what I am doing!

[tomboystud]

The operative word in that text is LIVES...
Those who are true to themselves,
and to their program,
do not relapse.

Great job on your 6 years, TBS....
Have you given yourself a treat for making it?
I got myself tattoos for my 6 and 8 year dates,
and have one planned for 10,
though the actual date was in February.
As soon as I have the money,
that is what I am doing!

You are correct the operative word is LIVES....but it just amazes me that it says never. Even after 6 yrs that word still amazes me. Congrats on your 10 years!!!!! Yes I bought myself a new game. I think it is important that we love ourselves enough to buy ourselves something on our special days.

[NormaJean]

You are correct the operative word is LIVES....but it just amazes me that it says never. Even after 6 yrs that word still amazes me. Congrats on your 10 years!!!!! Yes I bought myself a new game. I think it is important that we love ourselves enough to buy ourselves something on our special days.

I agree completely
about being stunned at the word NEVER....
But in connection with the word LIVES,
it really DOES make sense!

I also agree with you that we have to love ourselves enough
to give ourselves gifts when we reach important milestones in our lives.
If we don't,
we could get to a point where we feel as if we are depriving ourselves,
which could put us in relapse mode.

[tomboystud]

I agree completely
about being stunned at the word NEVER....
But in connection with the word LIVES,
it really DOES make sense!

I also agree with you that we have to love ourselves enough
to give ourselves gifts when we reach important milestones in our lives.
If we don't,
we could get to a point where we feel as if we are depriving ourselves,
which could put us in relapse mode.

I feel like if I don't love myself enough to get myself anything then how can I expect anyone else to get me anything or to love me. This year I was the only one who bought myself anything and if I hadn't loved myself then I would have been feeling sorry for myself. And feeling sorry for myself could put me in relapse mode.

[NormaJean]

I feel like if I don't love myself enough to get myself anything then how can I expect anyone else to get me anything or to love me. This year I was the only one who bought myself anything and if I hadn't loved myself then I would have been feeling sorry for myself. And feeling sorry for myself could put me in relapse mode.

*grins*

You are one smart butch!!
And one who is obviously dedicated to recovery!!

[tomboystud]

*grins*

You are one smart butch!!
And one who is obviously dedicated to recovery!!

And you are one smart femme....one who is also very dedicated.
I am very dedicated to my recovery......my recovery has to come first because if I lose that I lose everything else.........

[Kashesan]

Norma Jean-
I like the 'tavern wench' outfit in your gallery. Very nice!

kash

[NormaJean]

my recovery has to come first because if I lose that I lose everything else.........

[B]I agree....
and the thing I am most afraid of losing
is my self-respect.

Kashesan] Norma Jean-
I like the 'tavern wench' outfit in your gallery. Very nice!

kash

*blushes*

Thanks, Kash!!!
I am pulling out that outfit again today,
as the local Renn-Faire
is this coming weekend!!

[Kashesan]

*blushes*

Thanks, Kash!!!
I am pulling out that outfit again today,
as the local Renn-Faire
is this coming weekend!!

[/B][/COLOR][/CENTER][/QUOTE]

What a co-incidence! Have a great time at the fair!
Watch out for those surly knights!

kash

[NormaJean]

*blushes*

Thanks, Kash!!!
I am pulling out that outfit again today,
as the local Renn-Faire
is this coming weekend!!

[/b][/color][/center]

What a co-incidence! Have a great time at the fair!
Watch out for those surly knights!

kash[/quote]

*grins*

Funny thing is, none of those knights ever
seem to be surly with a saucy tavern wench!!
Nor do the pirates, the nobles, or the peasants!!
I have the best of all worlds!!!

[Kashesan]

What a co-incidence! Have a great time at the fair!
Watch out for those surly knights!

kash

*grins*

Funny thing is, none of those knights ever
seem to be surly with a saucy tavern wench!!
Nor do the pirates, the nobles, or the peasants!!
I have the best of all worlds!!!

[/QUOTE]


I'm not surly either, but I think I'd be hard pressed not to be a little fresh...

[Dat_NYC-Guy]

Yeah on 51 hours! One of the best things about my sobriety that I first noticed was getting up early in the morning and not being hung over, not wondering what the hell I did the night before - of course I chuckled because I was up at about the time I used to get home from the clubs - but, I love being an early riser - it's such a nice time of the day -quiet and ..okay, it's NYC so not that quiet, but still very nice.

David

[quote=funkyfemme].

today i have 51 hours of sobriety under my belt! yay!! and looky, i'm up again at 0 dark thirty with the cup of joe and my doggie digging the sunrise.

quote]

[NormaJean]

I'm not surly either, but I think I'd be hard pressed not to be a little fresh...

*blushing again*

Thanks for saying so, Kash....
Makes a wench feel good to know that
someone sees her that way!

I guess I am lucky that alcohol was never my DOC...
I am able to work in the Alehouse
without worries.
The tips are wonderful there,
and you meet all kinds of people
who are just really cool.

[Schla73]

As for me, I've been carrying around a box of rocks.
It looks like my ex and the financial hell I worked so hard to pull myself from 7 years ago, but really, it's a very heavy load.
I drag it everywhere.

Thanks for this... I, too, have a big old box of rocks I've been walking around with. Perhaps if I just let it go, maybe toss it into a lake, I would stop being so cranky all of the time...

Shela

[Schla73]

oh is that what it is??? LOL i wouldn't know. i don't have such a good relationship with the HP. i'm working on one, but finding it hard since i've gone my 39 years w/o having that sort of relationship.

I was in the same boat when I first came into the program. One of the things that really helped me is looking at "G-O-D" as Group of Drunks, or Good Orderly Direction.

That's my 2 cents for the day.

Shela

[NormaJean]

I was in the same boat when I first came into the program. One of the things that really helped me is looking at "G-O-D" as Group of Drunks, or Good Orderly Direction.

That's my 2 cents for the day.

Shela

Great way to think of things, Shela!!
It doesn't matter what we call it,
what we believe in...
As long as we no longer believe that drugs and/or alcohol
are our gods,
we are in great shape!

[Schla73]

I feel like I need to share this. I have learned that one of the keys to my staying sober is to keep from rattling all of the crap that is in my brain.

My sister is having major surgery in a few weeks. It finally occured to me yesterday that the reason I have been so incredibly irritable lately is that I'm really scared. This is my big sis... and I'm just plain scared. I even get tears to my eyes typing that.

She shared with me that she's been smoking weed b/c it helps with the pain from the Chemo... I don't know if it does or not and it's not my place to judge... What I do know is that the thought of smoking with her actually came across my mind. I was alarmed as soon as it happened... but I'm not liking that thought.

I question my ability to get to meetings. I am driving up there getting in the wee hours of the AM the day of her surgery (8/11) and will probably be camped at the hospital until she is discharged by they end of that weekend. I will be giving my niece my car to drive back and forth so that leaves me transportationless...

I know that my plan is to call everyone back home... but I worry that isn't enought. Reality is, I seem to be stuck in the problem more than I am looking for solutions. So the real deal is her surgery scares me, and the craziness, dry drunk, things scares me.

If there is anyone that lives in the Phlly area that could help me out with a ride to a meeting, or just a cup of coffee... or even whether or not there are any meetings in the University of Philadelphia Hospital itself, I will be go incredibly grateful. I just have this intense feeling (HP?) that I should not under any circumstances rely soley on my recovery support system at home.

Ok, I have rambled all over the place... I'm done.

Shela

[Kashesan]

*blushing again*

Thanks for saying so, Kash....
Makes a wench feel good to know that
someone sees her that way!

I guess I am lucky that alcohol was never my DOC...
I am able to work in the Alehouse
without worries.
The tips are wonderful there,
and you meet all kinds of people
who are just really cool.

Norma Jean,
Well of COURSE this butch/knight knows a handsome wench when I see one!

Oh God, beer and ale was MY drug of choice!!!
I will have to pass the alehouse, but you keep us up to date on all and sundry who pass through your doors there!

Kash (sipping iced tea)

[NormaJean]

Norma Jean,
Well of COURSE this butch/knight knows a handsome wench when I see one!

Oh God, beer and ale was MY drug of choice!!!
I will have to pass the alehouse, but you keep us up to date on all and sundry who pass through your doors there!

Kash (sipping iced tea)

I will do, Kash!!

And if you were to ever want to visit our little Faire,
there are PLENTY of things to do that are far away from the Alehouse,
AND a lot more fun!!

[Django]

Hello All!
I just thought I'd share some new observations, since returning here to this website and having 13 plus months clean and sober.
1. I no longer have a credit card, so signing up for the personnels is a toughy.
2. I no longer drive so going to a local b-f shindig is a minor obstacle.
3. I no longer have a computer or internet, so I use the library's computer, so it limits my time to read posts, etc. As well as makes it a bit difficult to upload a striking new photo of myself.
That's all. I am still grateful for where I am today. These are but a few small obstacles and I am glad that I have a place to share them at.

Peace and Love,
Django

[funkyfemme]

[quote=Dat_NYC-Guy]Yeah on 51 hours! One of the best things about my sobriety that I first noticed was getting up early in the morning and not being hung over, not wondering what the hell I did the night before - of course I chuckled because I was up at about the time I used to get home from the clubs - but, I love being an early riser - it's such a nice time of the day -quiet and ..okay, it's NYC so not that quiet, but still very nice.

David

i have to use your line David, "who knew"????? LOL i am totally digging getting up early and having this new found energy. it's totally wonderful. and i'm getting so much done!! dishes, scooping the poop, laundry, bike rides, etc. i'm just amazing myself each day. and yeah, the quiet is just......quiet.

okie doke, i'm off to get ready for my 5:30 mtg. and get this....it's called "happy hour AA". but i'm luvin it!

jules

[DiamondButch]

you're on the road to "RECOVERY" you'll get all that back...

The Promises really do come true

[NYCFemme]

I question my ability to get to meetings. I am driving up there getting in the wee hours of the AM the day of her surgery (8/11) and will probably be camped at the hospital until she is discharged by they end of that weekend. I will be giving my niece my car to drive back and forth so that leaves me transportationless...

Wow... quite a bit on your plate. I will be sending you lots of good thoughts on the 11th. And just a note, there are some amazing AA tapes if you find you can't get to a meeting - bring them with you!! Joe and Charlie have some great stuff! And there are also speaker meetings taped. Here are a couple of links.

This will cost between $7 and $10 for most
http://www.amottapes.com/Content2.cf...TOKEN=19764918

This site has FREE downloads. I don't know how to get them off a computer onto something mobile but I'm sure it's doable.
http://www.aaprimarypurpose.org/rotation/speakers2.htm

This site has downloadable meeting tapes for FREE and also lists a bunch of links where you can purchase stuff: http://www.elmoware.com/spktapes.htm

And before you arrive in Philly - call the Philly intergroup and they will probably be able to hook you up with someone who will pick you up and take you to a meeting and back - or just hang out with you and get coffee in the hospital. I do that before I travel many times as I don't have a car. AA is about service. And we cannot give service if we don't have people to do that service with. So consider yourself as giving someone in the philly area a chance to give it back.

Good luck.

[DallasLesbian]

I question my ability to get to meetings. I am driving up there getting in the wee hours of the AM the day of her surgery (8/11) and will probably be camped at the hospital until she is discharged by they end of that weekend. I will be giving my niece my car to drive back and forth so that leaves me transportationless...


Shela

Shela, If it were me I'd call a local group and ask if someone could give me a ride. I have had to do it, it was a lesson in humility for me.

Good luck and keep us posted to how you are doing.

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 29

2 CHAIRS



Math is the language that moves closest to the speed of my brain. The language of recovery slows my thinking so I am more than numbers and clicks. I need not race my mind in an effort to win. I am my prize; the victory is mine if I can embrace who I am. I can use numbers to figure whether I am more or less, but owning who I am must be given to the talk of the soul and heart. My nashamah is not an astral projection to be theorized but the seat of my emotions. The only way to discover myself is through deep and loving conversation, so I had best pull up two chairs.


Play colors like music.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

[funkyfemme]

I was in the same boat when I first came into the program. One of the things that really helped me is looking at "G-O-D" as Group of Drunks, or Good Orderly Direction.

That's my 2 cents for the day.

Shela

love, love, love it! Group of Drunks. think i'm gonna use that til i get a handle on the HP thingy. my sponsor is really wonderful and is helping me with this. and hey, i actually "prayed" this morning.....at least, i think i did. i just asked for strength to not drink today. guess you can call that praying.

thanks for sharing that shela! and welcome, BTW.
jules

[funkyfemme]

Hello All!
I just thought I'd share some new observations, since returning here to this website and having 13 plus months clean and sober.
1. I no longer have a credit card, so signing up for the personnels is a toughy.
2. I no longer drive so going to a local b-f shindig is a minor obstacle.
3. I no longer have a computer or internet, so I use the library's computer, so it limits my time to read posts, etc. As well as makes it a bit difficult to upload a striking new photo of myself.
That's all. I am still grateful for where I am today. These are but a few small obstacles and I am glad that I have a place to share them at.

Peace and Love,
Django

welcome back django. and congrats on your 13+ months!! good for you! i only have 72 hours so far but it feels pretty good.

i, too, no longer have the credit cards. my mom came in the middle of the night last tuesday and took my car. so now i'm peddling all over town. i'm living rent free with some friends and have almost nothing to my name. so yeah, i feel ya. but ya know what? it has made me so much stronger. i got my ass on that bike (that my sponsor loaned me) and have been riding to meetings, trying to find a job, trying to get enrolled in school. i'm gonna get it all back with time. that is my goal and is what keeps me going. even in this effing 100 degree heat on that damn bike! LOL

stay strong my friend and know you're not alone!
jules

[funkyfemme]

g'mornin everyone! wishing all a happy saturday and a sober one too.

four days now and counting. yay me! yesterday after peddling my bike all over the university campus and trying to get all my junk done on the last day of registration, i was so hot and so frustrated and SO tired. on my way home i passed the bar and it was happy hour and i SO wanted an icy cold margarita, just ONE. but i knew one would turn into two and two to three and blah blah blah. i just kept peddling and chewing on my white chip and spitting out lil bits of it trying to get the damn thing to dissolve!

anyhow i just bypassed the bar, came home and cooled off and then turned right around and got back on the bike and rode to my meeting. i keep wondering where the real jules is!! LOL this new behavior is so foreign.

have a sooper dooper day y'all.