Friend of Bill W.

**mrMsf2005** · 05-10-2006, 09:31 PM

quuote=Dat_NYC-Guy]I
. This pride will be weird for me. I am one of the executive board members which produces the NYC G/L/B/T Pride event but will be dropping that after this year because I need to get involved in sober activities. Last year I made a feeble attempt to get clean during Pride - I am the treasurer and have to be at the pier dances for two nights straight (pardon the pun) and it is a literal vodka bath! I will be completely surrounded by alcohol and counting a ton of money all soaked in alcohol - fortunately, God willing, I will have almost 8 months clean time when I do that this year so it should be okay - I need to have a strong, steady foundation to get through that and make sure I don't have any HALT stuff going on. Fortunately, they all know I quit drinking and they are supportive and don't encourage me to drink.
David[/quote]
get a sober buddy w/ time, dbl digits, to go with you, the organizers here are very aware of the AApeople involved with the festivities, we have a sober chill spot, and sober contingents, find the sober contingents and people for support, we all need support and having a buddy is definately a bonus at such a large event...as far as sponsering, you'll be great! we only have to give sponsees whats been given to us from our sponsers...NOT ADVICE JUST STEPS...no therapy, no counselling, no rides, no money lending, no cover-ups, JUST THE 12STEPS...i always feel like im gonna fuck up the newcomer, but its not taking our work together personally, its about me showing up for my sobriety and i get to read and talk thru writing with another alcoholic/ addict...whether they show up and do the work is on them; my recovery allows me to be honest open minded and willing...to show up WHEN I SAY I WILL SHOW UP...my sponsee didnt show up last week/ no call; and this week she called an hour before our time when i had already left for my coffee com. at my homegroup...so when i got to where she lives(@ a residt'l rcvr'y facility)she proceeds to give me the whole i just called you, so you wouldnt have to come did you get my messege? no i havet been home...you dont have your cell? no i dont own one(something i told herB4)oh well i have to work the rest of the day we could meet on fridays but not this fridday im going home/ out of town, but call me for next week...so we are mtg monday morning so we could FINALLY start her 4step! so i can see how the distractions are keeping her from ehr recovery, its easy to lose focus when you barely are getting it back! you want to do everything you can all at once as soon as possible...
so of course my first impulse is to always take things personally and cop a major resentment and justify it and end with an ultimatum or firing...never a balance of bounderies and understanding...so to get that balance i dont respond until i want to respond, until god wants me to be of service in this situation...
anyway david, show up, make attainable goals, take baby steps,
and be of maximum service to your fellows and your HP...and sobriety is just that...keep it simple.

**Dat_NYC-Guy** · 05-10-2006, 09:59 PM

Thanks - I am working on finding a few folks with good recovery to help me out at the march. Also, thanks on the vote of confidence. When and if HP decides it's time then it will happen. In the meanwhile I thought I would share an interesting happening today.

I left a meeting and was on my way to do a partial 5th step with my therapist - this was our last session. For a couple of items on my 4th step I wanted to share it with her and not my sponser...anyway, on my way there I saw this freaking hot looking woman standing outside of one of my old haunts. I was like, damn - but, I didn't have a desire to go into the bar or drink so that was good..but, damn..lol.

Anyway, as I walk by the bar I glance into the window to check her out and I see one of my favorite ex-drinking buddies sitting at a table with some friends near the window. I stopped and something told me to get her attention. I tapped on the window and she saw me - had a huge smile and waved for me to go it. I shook my head and she made a face and waved me in again. I again shook my head no and took out my 30 day chip and showed it to her. I waved her out. She immediately got up from her chair and raced outside. She couldn't believe that I quit drinking. Then she said, 'you know, I've been doing a few AA meetings myself recently - she told me of a few that she had gone to.

I told her that if she wanted to go to a meeting with me to let me know. She said that she would because it would be great - I could smell the alcohol on her breath but ignored it. I didn't say anything about her being in the bar. She looked at my chip and then said, 'well, you know, I am in here right now, but, I have a handle on it.' I smiled at her because I had said that to myself about a gazillion times....she asked if I still had her number and I told her no. (I took out all my bar, club and drinking buddy names as well as my sure bet one night stand numbers from my cell when I got clean) She said that she still had my number and wants to go to a meeting with me. I told her that would be great - that if she wants to quit drinking and have a wonderful new life then give me a call and we will go to a meeting.

I watched her go back inside grateful that I don't have to do that anymore. I look at the clock right now and it is 3 minutes after Midnight -

By the grace of God I now have 6 months clean and sober.

David

**funkyfemme** · 05-10-2006, 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by Dat_NYC-Guy

Nope, I won't kick you in the ass because you have probably been doing that to yourself for a long time. Instead of a kick in the ass - try this:

1) A desire to quit drinking
2) Get off chair
3) Get car keys
4) Drive to meeting
5) Sit in a chair
6) Listen to speaker
7) Get a phone number

That works a lot better than a kick in the ass. We've been kicked around too much already - by others and by ourselves.

David

thanks david. i will work on these seven steps in an attempt to work on the 12 important ones. thanks for your support hon!!

**Dat_NYC-Guy** · 05-10-2006, 10:03 PM

Those weren't steps - they were suggestions.

Don't worry about all the 12 steps at once - start with the first one.

David

Originally Posted by funkyfemme

thanks david. i will work on these seven steps in an attempt to work on the 12 important ones. thanks for your support hon!!

**funkyfemme** · 05-10-2006, 10:08 PM

Originally Posted by Dat_NYC-Guy

Those weren't steps - they were suggestions.

Don't worry about all the 12 steps at once - start with the first one.

David

well for me, where i'm at, those ARE the first steps. and i think tomorrow is the day. i'm just gonna effin' go. just walk into that mtg and hide in the back and cry. and just get the first mtg over with. then it wont be sooo scary. that's my biggest hurdle.......that FIRST meeting. ugh.......wish me luck.

**mrMsf2005** · 05-10-2006, 10:26 PM

Originally Posted by funkyfemme

well for me, where i'm at, those ARE the first steps. and i think tomorrow is the day. i'm just gonna effin' go. just walk into that mtg and hide in the back and cry. and just get the first mtg over with. then it wont be sooo scary. that's my biggest hurdle.......that FIRST meeting. ugh.......wish me luck.

good luck 2u - the first mtgs are really hard to get to and even harder to stick thru the final serenity prayer, so, pls know FF, every body in that room/ every room, has been in the chair you will be sitting in. so to speak, you know? stick it out, it gets easier to walk in, it does, so sitinthe back and cry, sweetheart, you deserve it! let it out!
be sweet. mrMsf

**funkyfemme** · 05-10-2006, 10:45 PM

Originally Posted by mrMsf2005

good luck 2u - the first mtgs are really hard to get to and even harder to stick thru the final serenity prayer, so, pls know FF, every body in that room/ every room, has been in the chair you will be sitting in. so to speak, you know? stick it out, it gets easier to walk in, it does, so sitinthe back and cry, sweetheart, you deserve it! let it out!
be sweet. mrMsf

thanks for your words and support. i am SO amazed at the support i've received from my "family" here. that makes it all that much easier to seek help in the "real" world. at least i can fall back on yall!!!!!!!!!! GOD what a gift this community is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**LeftWriteFemme** · 05-11-2006, 04:12 AM

May 11

ON-COMING

Anticipation of the approaching traffic consumes. The tiny spec grows and develops into the arriving vehicle. 50 miles per and the rapid succession of the coming and those leaving eats quickly at my heart. The pain seers me. Why are these who travel from the direction of my destination passing me by? For miles and miles, they appear to be greeters. The breeze created by their passing chaps my face and I question my goals. How can so many abandon my objective? But flee it they do. My hunger does not diminish and I press on. Of course if we all went this way, we might tip the globe. Maybe that’s what they fear.

Smile with your eyes, laugh with your hands, rest your heart, ease your mind.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

**RedtailedHawk** · 05-11-2006, 06:46 AM

David has 6 months!

Congratulations. I enjoyed your adventure from the other night where you didn't go into the club but flashed your coin instead. That's something you'd expect to watch in an inspirational movie. See, this is why I like calling you, you are too cool!

**NormaJean** · 05-11-2006, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by funkyfemme

thanks for your words and support. i am SO amazed at the support i've received from my "family" here. that makes it all that much easier to seek help in the "real" world. at least i can fall back on yall!!!!!!!!!! GOD what a gift this community is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just remember, dear, sweet Jules...
Everyone there has been in your position in the past,
and they will do everything they can to make you feel comfortable.
Just be careful of the coffee, honey...
AA coffee is LETHAL!!!
(But NA coffeee is even stronger!!)

HAPPY 6 MONTHS,
DAVID!!!!

**Dat_NYC-Guy** · 05-11-2006, 08:16 PM

Thanks Liam and also Mela.

Today for the most part was a great day - then I got home - my ballgame was rain-delayed - I puttered around and decided to clean up old pics - found a pic of this girl I used to - well, whatever it was that we did - fucked and fought is pretty much it - I got curious - saw that she's quit drinking - had the 'bright' idea to call her - don't have her number - looked up my old bills - found the number and stopped - what the hell was I doing? Put the phone bills away - she's one of those 'people' in people, places and things - decided to write about it instead -

then realized that my sponser hasn't called me today - he didn't call on 30 days, 60 days, 90 days and now 6 months - I got a major case of the fuck-its - put him on my resentment list for today and wrote about it

wanting to seriously isolate - must not have written enough - but, I've realized that even though I have the fuck-its and have a resentment against him - I'm not wanting to drink -

Thanks Liam - that made me feel really good to read.

David

Originally Posted by RedtailedHawk

David has 6 months!

Congratulations. I enjoyed your adventure from the other night where you didn't go into the club but flashed your coin instead. That's something you'd expect to watch in an inspirational movie. See, this is why I like calling you, you are too cool!

**RedtailedHawk** · 05-11-2006, 08:22 PM

Alright I'm going over my 6 month b-day party checklist

Cookies......Yup
Milk..........Yup
Juice........Yup
Stripper..........on her way
chick flick for the femmes to watch while the boys enjoy the stripper........priceless

**NormaJean** · 05-11-2006, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by RedtailedHawk

Alright I'm going over my 6 month b-day party checklist

Cookies......Yup
Milk..........Yup
Juice........Yup
Stripper..........on her way
chick flick for the femmes to watch while the boys enjoy the stripper........priceless

*shrugs*
I'd rather watch the stripper....
If she is any good, that is!!

And what about the coffee??
CAN'T forget the coffee.....

**RedtailedHawk** · 05-11-2006, 08:51 PM

Duh. How could I forget coffee. Glad you could join us here at the boys table. This is going to be fun. Do you need a phone book to sit on so you can see the show?

**NormaJean** · 05-11-2006, 08:54 PM

Originally Posted by RedtailedHawk

Duh. How could I forget coffee. Glad you could join us here at the boys table. This is going to be fun. Do you need a phone book to sit on so you can see the show?

*grins*

Naaaah....
I'll sit on the floor....
The view is better down there!!

**RedtailedHawk** · 05-11-2006, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

May 11

Smile with your eyes, laugh with your hands, rest your heart, ease your mind.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

I've learned to smile with my eyes. People can see my happiness in my eyes. They can see my sorrow too but I don't have to hide how I feel anymore. It's important to share myself with the world. Since I've been sober my eyes have gone back to being green like they were when I was in my teens and early 20's. I don't know how much my drinking had to do with it but they had turned hazel. I'm glad to see my green eyes in the mirror and happy to see smiles in them.

**LeftWriteFemme** · 05-11-2006, 10:00 PM

May 12

MY SOBER HEART

The heart I have today is not the heart I have had all my life. Cells age and are replaced. I slough off what I can no longer use and rejuvenate with fresh layers. My sobriety is the same. Past step work is revamped and approached in innovative ways. Yesterday's prayers are replaced with today’s; today’s meditations will be dispelled by tomorrow’s. The function remains the same but it is constructed with brand new work. Service I render is always for my sobriety but I work to strengthen various quadrants. My heart is not as young as it used to be and vigorous action remakes it new each day. I rebuild my sober heart continually because forever and today I have the mind of an alcoholic.

Time your thinking so it can fire your mind.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

**FireHeart** · 05-12-2006, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by Dat_NYC-Guy

then realized that my sponser hasn't called me today - he didn't call on 30 days, 60 days, 90 days and now 6 months - I got a major case of the fuck-its - put him on my resentment list for today and wrote about it
wanting to seriously isolate - must not have written enough - but, I've realized that even though I have the fuck-its and have a resentment against him - I'm not wanting to drink -
David

Do I hear whining? ....

I hope you are feeling better today, David!

**NormaJean** · 05-12-2006, 08:11 AM

Originally Posted by RedtailedHawk

I've learned to smile with my eyes. People can see my happiness in my eyes. They can see my sorrow too but I don't have to hide how I feel anymore. It's important to share myself with the world. Since I've been sober my eyes have gone back to being green like they were when I was in my teens and early 20's. I don't know how much my drinking had to do with it but they had turned hazel. I'm glad to see my green eyes in the mirror and happy to see smiles in them.

Looking forward to seeing this someday, Liam.
Happiness in your eyes would be a great thing to see.

**likeemfemme** · 05-12-2006, 08:40 AM

I haven't been around much, but you're all on my mind. I hope life is treating you well.

Sherrie, I've missed your daily doze of encouraging words, but I have managed to get on and do some speed reading!

How's that book coming along???

I'm now a non-smoker... I figured there's never a good time for quitting that freakin' habit, so I just went ahead and did it... a little over 2 weeks ago.

Lars <----Packin' on the lbs.

**NormaJean** · 05-12-2006, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by likeemfemme

I haven't been around much, but you're all on my mind. I hope life is treating you well.

Sherrie, I've missed your daily doze of encouraging words, but I have managed to get on and do some speed reading!

How's that book coming along???

I'm now a non-smoker... I figured there's never a good time for quitting that freakin' habit, so I just went ahead and did it... a little over 2 weeks ago.

Lars <----Packin' on the lbs.

{{{{Lars}}}}

Congrats of having more than two weeks smoke-free!!
I have tried in the past to quit,
and I have to say that it takes a LOT of strength and courage to get that far...
I had an easier time getting off drugs!
But they say that once you get past the first week,
all of the physical addiction is out of your system....
So I guess that means you are good to go!!

(Hint to keep from putting on weight...
Drink LOTS of water,
whenever a craving hits.
No calories,
and filling!!!)

**funkyfemme** · 05-12-2006, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by likeemfemme

I haven't been around much, but you're all on my mind. I hope life is treating you well.

Sherrie, I've missed your daily doze of encouraging words, but I have managed to get on and do some speed reading!

How's that book coming along???

I'm now a non-smoker... I figured there's never a good time for quitting that freakin' habit, so I just went ahead and did it... a little over 2 weeks ago.

Lars <----Packin' on the lbs.

(((((((((Lars))))))))))

congrats on kickin the habit!!! i've quit a few times in the past so i know it's not easy. once i get this drinking thing under control, i plan to attack the smoke habit as well (again). stay strong hun!

**Dat_NYC-Guy** · 05-12-2006, 05:09 PM

We don't whine in NYC - we kvetch. (It's whining with attitude..heh)

Nope, I'm not feeling any better. I've got to write about it some more. Having a sponser is in effect my first sober relationship with another human being. Old behaviors would be to cut and run. My initial reaction is to put him on the DL (disabled list) and find someone else. But, I have to see what this is all about first. If I cut and run who is to say that I won't do that same sort of behavior if I were to get into a dating situation. So, I am looking at this as a time to reflect on my ....gulp...feelings of hurt and anger. Of course I now have the urge to go out clubbing and have a one night stand. But, that just reinforces me into thinking that no one cares so who cares if I have a one night stand. You know, this program has seriously messed up my acting out a whole lot dammit..okay, now I am whining.

David

Originally Posted by FireHeart

Do I hear whining? ....

I hope you are feeling better today, David!

**RedtailedHawk** · 05-12-2006, 05:40 PM

Funny you should mention wanting to go out clubbing and getting laid. I was driving home tonight and thought about getting cleaned up and driving north the city and trying my luck at the gay bar. Then I pictured myself driving up there, going in, drinking some coffee, watching people and leaving shortly after. What would be the point to going up to a lesbian and hitting on her. She's going to think I'm a guy and blow me off. I've never had a gay guy hit on me and wouldn't really look forward to that either. So I'm going to sit at home and catch up on my TV watching. And catch my on-line AA at 8.
Dat- If you were and I were in the same town I have a feeling we would be really bad influences on each other. I've never gone out and hit on a gal then had a one night stand. It's one of those things on my life list. Do it once and check it off the list.

**Dat_NYC-Guy** · 05-12-2006, 05:54 PM

To be honest it's better to keep it a fantasy. I've ruined relationships because I did not know how to be emotionally intimate and made impossible demands on them so was left with the one night stands which left me emotionally empty. I've learned the hard way that some things should just be left to fantasy.

David

Originally Posted by RedtailedHawk

I've never gone out and hit on a gal then had a one night stand. It's one of those things on my life list. Do it once and check it off the list.

**JesterButch** · 05-12-2006, 07:55 PM

you ain't missin much Liam

good on you for skippin that part of growing up!

I truly regret my awkward fumblings lookin for love(r) s

and thank the Great Gods and Creator everyday for gifting me with a Femme that surpasses

my wildest imagination and fantasy

speaking of my wench, she wants POP CORN gotta go

**LeftWriteFemme** · 05-13-2006, 05:57 AM

May 13

QUEEN’S COUNTENANCE

I know the 7 P’s of preparation. I set the table for those I know. The unexpected arrive clothed in time and tradition. They seat themselves at the table with the naked. They become mute. We prattle and pose, rarely glimpsing the goals sitting at the unset seats. What we need to become is far from what we are. I can not even call it other. It is within when we make room and ether when we won’t. I can wait and try but the juice is deep with the pulp. I get myself in line for the future and wait for the clothes offered by my guests. I sit the emperor and rise the queen.

Hear the sweetness in your own voice; taste the salt in your own tears.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

**FireHeart** · 05-13-2006, 11:12 AM

Last night a very sweet femme friend of mine called to tell me how she never flirts, that she doesn't know what's happening to her but she is so attracted to me, can I come over?

"No", I say "You are a wonderful person & I am flattered you feel that way. However, you are relatively new at this program and I'm sorry, but my program doesn't allow me to date newcomers."

I knew how to do that because when I crushed REALLY hard on a woman with long-term sobriety, she told me no with love.

This life of sobriety NEVER gets boring and routine. NEVER!

David ~ That feeling of "Fuck This" is so very O.K.! You are working a 4th step and apparently doing it the fearless & thorough way, because you are wanting to shut down.
DON'T QUIT!
We are here, on the other side of that CRAP!
Call me ANYTIME! Just do THAT before you have a drink.
You can do it. You can. If I did, you can.
NO QUITTING!

Cal

**Dat_NYC-Guy** · 05-13-2006, 02:52 PM

Thanks Cal - I'm not wanting to drink at all - I did have the fuck-it's but that was surrounded with whether or not I wanted to keep him as a sponser. I wanted to act out to have a one night stand to forget about it but didn't. Technically, though, I can go out and have one night stands because my sponser said that I can have all the dating and sex I want - he suggested no relationship but he hasn't told me no sex. Even if he had - it's a suggestion only. But, it wasn't about that - just dealing with hurt and anger that he didn't call. I've decided that it's okay to be annoyed by that and it's okay to kvetch about it. Letting it go though after a reasonable amount of time is the key - kvetching is okay, hanging onto it is not.

David

Originally Posted by FireHeart

David ~ That feeling of "Fuck This" is so very O.K.! You are working a 4th step and apparently doing it the fearless & thorough way, because you are wanting to shut down.
DON'T QUIT!
We are here, on the other side of that CRAP!
Call me ANYTIME! Just do THAT before you have a drink.
You can do it. You can. If I did, you can.
NO QUITTING!

Cal

**koop** · 05-13-2006, 07:10 PM

I found out today that someone I've known in the program died this week as a result of this disease. She was homeless and living on the streets and apparently was brutely killed.

She's been in and out a bit, however even in her newcomer haze she was always eager to help. She is one of the few that has been to my latest home being of service to me. A precious gift for my sobriety. Below is what I posted in another thread but wanted to share it here also...

Thinkin

How grateful I am to be alive and sober

That it is very very sad when someone dies of this disease.

Even more tragic when they are brutally killed

That it's amazing how some people get sobriety and some don't

That it's amazing and sad that some make it back and others don't

Some times I wonder why I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm sad and grateful today

**LeftWriteFemme** · 05-14-2006, 04:30 AM

May 14

THE LONG VIEW

The long view requires an enduring embrace of the past. It requires a great love of people, the race and individuals. I cannot see what we do and flee. I can own what happened, what happens and what is to come if only so I can ratchet improvement into my own behavior. I can see and feel and change, cringe if I must, but go on. The horizon is there to set the stage. It hangs there long and low. It stands guard for the life there is to live. I will view it and use it as my gauge. Keeping perspective is the key. I know it for what it is and that makes me, me. The short sight and the long view. My open arms hold it all; my sight brings it all into my heart.

Floss between the permanent ideas in your mind.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

**Dat_NYC-Guy** · 05-14-2006, 04:32 AM

Koop, I am very sorry and terribly saddened to hear about the death of your friend.

David

Originally Posted by koop

I found out today that someone I've known in the program died this week as a result of this disease. She was homeless and living on the streets and apparently was brutely killed.

She's been in and out a bit, however even in her newcomer haze she was always eager to help. She is one of the few that has been to my latest home being of service to me. A precious gift for my sobriety. Below is what I posted in another thread but wanted to share it here also...

Thinkin

How grateful I am to be alive and sober

That it is very very sad when someone dies of this disease.

Even more tragic when they are brutally killed

That it's amazing how some people get sobriety and some don't

That it's amazing and sad that some make it back and others don't

Some times I wonder why I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm sad and grateful today

**FemmeNextDoor** · 05-14-2006, 07:15 AM

Originally Posted by koop

I found out today that someone I've known in the program died this week as a result of this disease. She was homeless and living on the streets and apparently was brutely killed.

She's been in and out a bit, however even in her newcomer haze she was always eager to help. She is one of the few that has been to my latest home being of service to me. A precious gift for my sobriety. Below is what I posted in another thread but wanted to share it here also...

Thinkin

How grateful I am to be alive and sober

That it is very very sad when someone dies of this disease.

Even more tragic when they are brutally killed

That it's amazing how some people get sobriety and some don't

That it's amazing and sad that some make it back and others don't

Some times I wonder why I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm sad and grateful today

Koop: I'm so sorry to hear about your friend...

It makes me feel sad and grateful, too.

Hugs,
fnd

**NormaJean** · 05-14-2006, 08:50 AM

Originally Posted by koop

I found out today that someone I've known in the program died this week as a result of this disease. She was homeless and living on the streets and apparently was brutely killed.

She's been in and out a bit, however even in her newcomer haze she was always eager to help. She is one of the few that has been to my latest home being of service to me. A precious gift for my sobriety. Below is what I posted in another thread but wanted to share it here also...

I'm so sorry, Koop.
I know how hard this is for you.

A few years back,
I lost a friend who was new in the program....
He decided that he had one run left in him.
He didn't.

His death has meant something, though....
It is MY reminder of why I never want to go back out.
I know that I would never come back.

Unfortunately,
we all lose people to the disease of addiction...
it is a part of being in the program.
But we can make their deaths have meaning,
if we just keep them in our hearts.

**JesterButch** · 05-14-2006, 07:04 PM

that sucks dude, so sorry

hope this week improves for everyone and Happy Mother's Day

it's been raining so much here Im thinking of building a boat

drowned my garden

happy 24

**koop** · 05-15-2006, 01:50 AM

Thanks everyone ... I come from a large home group so sadly to say people are in and out all the time ... it took me a couple years to understand what an old sponsor had said to me when we were talking about the time I went out. She said I was lucky to make it back ... I see a lot of people that take that for granted and frankly I sort of did also ... Trust me I made a deliberate choice to drink.... there was no fulling myself, saying I wasn't an alcoholic, I knew I was, I just was miserable in sobriety and didn't see the use anymore and really thought I would go quickly and life would be over.

Fortunately I wasn't out there long and really never stop going to AA I just didn't know how to live without drinking again ... and really don't think I ever knew how that time around.

The one thought that never did occur to me was the fact I could of stayed out there miserable and drunk for a long time or gotten myself in a worse scenerio. The latter always kept me from suicide but not drinking .... which well was my favorite choice of suicide ... but I didn't know that then.

I was talking to a friend that had made in back in who was upset at her sponsor for something she said was when I got it. Can't remember what it was but I go it.

Tonight as I was typing this it hit me how sad it is that we almost expect people to go in and out and not to make it. I know it's part of the disease, I guess I just never want to get disensified to it.

The group I'm in is over a thousand members strong ... I mean someone always has another alcoholics back if they reach out ... I just never want to forget to reach out. This doesn't even bring about the fact of the thousands of other recovering alcoholics in a 100mile radius.

**LeftWriteFemme** · 05-15-2006, 03:11 AM

May 15

BRATZLAV

If all the world is a narrow bridge, I must broaden my mind. If all the doors close to the passage of a hallway, I must exit through the window. Never again can I stay and shelter in a small and confining refuge. A womb is a place to come out of; it is never a place of return. I am not to seek over- exposure but I must ever widen the gate. The brave face I show is the gift of a tight world owning me for far too long. Fear is never meant to be larger than life and the world should never collapse around the sweetness of a smile. Today carries us. Tomorrow draws us. The world is a bridge.

Carpet the memories that echo shame in your mind.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

**FemmeNextDoor** · 05-15-2006, 05:19 AM

(((((((KOOP)))))))

I woke up thinking about your friend this morning, and how close we all are to such a horrible fate...such a tragic loss...

I have a good friend in the program who recently went out. Fortunately there was intervention in time before anything really awful happened, but it was close. I'm going to tell her about your friend, as I think she isn't fully realizing what could have happened. Maybe this is a gift for her as well as for all of us from this terrible tragedy?

fnd

**FemmeNextDoor** · 05-15-2006, 05:22 AM

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

May 15

BRATZLAV

If all the world is a narrow bridge, I must broaden my mind. If all the doors close to the passage of a hallway, I must exit through the window. Never again can I stay and shelter in a small and confining refuge. A womb is a place to come out of; it is never a place of return. I am not to seek over- exposure but I must ever widen the gate. The brave face I show is the gift of a tight world owning me for far too long. Fear is never meant to be larger than life and the world should never collapse around the sweetness of a smile. Today carries us. Tomorrow draws us. The world is a bridge.

Carpet the memories that echo shame in your mind.

Yours in sobriety,

Sherrie

Sherrie I love this, and I feel the highlighted portion could have come straight from my head. How do you do that?

fnd