Friend of Bill W.

[Dat_NYC-Guy]

For me it certainly is/was. When I drank I hung around those types - ha - drinking, I was one of them! I've found it easier to cut people out of my life and move on. I will have 4 years in two days and it's amazing sometimes that I managed to stay sober with all that I've been through in the past 4 years. I just keep getting up with one foot in front of the other.

David

Do you wonder if it's masochistic to put up with some people that are derranged and near-by?


Keep on keeping on.

[Tommi]

For me it certainly is/was. When I drank I hung around those types - ha - drinking, I was one of them! I've found it easier to cut people out of my life and move on. I will have 4 years in two days and it's amazing sometimes that I managed to stay sober with all that I've been through in the past 4 years. I just keep getting up with one foot in front of the other.

David

Keep on walking....
Not to jinx you.....CONGRATULATIONS

[LeftWriteFemme]

For me it certainly is/was. When I drank I hung around those types - ha - drinking, I was one of them! I've found it easier to cut people out of my life and move on. I will have 4 years in two days and it's amazing sometimes that I managed to stay sober with all that I've been through in the past 4 years. I just keep getting up with one foot in front of the other.

David

Wow 4 years, this is so wonderful!!!!! I hope your life is filled with joy!


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 4

CONTROL


I have everything in the world but control and yet it seems to be the only thing I yearn for. Past history has made it difficult for me to have faith and I have clung to scraps of control as an alternative. I have hope but I have hope in the way a disgruntled gambler has hope. The horse may cross the finish line first but it’s a long shot. This is the trouble with control. If I could ride the horse, I might be able to exert some sway in the situation, but since my jockeying would only make things worse, my inability to secure the outcome leads me to despair and here I am. I am not in the race. I will not risk betting on the horse. I have no skill accepting the capricious nature of life and work hard not to be capricious myself. This maybe the crux of my problem; I work so hard to do things right instead of having fun. I try constantly to keep things from going badly; I focus no time on creating joy in my life. I may not believe much, but I do believe God wants me happy. This could be the seed, which starts faith.


Feel free to laugh.


Sherrie

[Dat_NYC-Guy]

It's filled with joy a lot but right now I'm getting to deal with sadness because my gf and I split up. (I wasn't talking about her when I spoke of getting people out of my life) But, while I am sad I've come to realize that I don't have to drink when I am sad because when I am done drinking and sober up the sadness will still be there. Thanks - the time has literally flown by - it just dawned on me the other day that it will be 4 years - heck.

David

Wow 4 years, this is so wonderful!!!!! I hope your life is filled with joy!


Sherrie

[1-Sunny-Spirit]

David,
Huge congratulations on your four years. It was so hard for me to learn the one day at a time part. Now I understand it.

Break ups are just the worst. Just keep thinking like what you said. I like this.
I quote you;
"while I am sad I've come to realize that I don't have to drink when I am sad because when I am done drinking and sober up the sadness will still be there."
Keep coming back!!
*smiles and waves at you*

Hey Tommi!
I talked to my sponsor today. I am meeting her for breakfast this weekend. I briefly described on the phone what I have been up to and burying for so long that I need to work on.

Tommi, you asked:
"Do you wonder if it's masochistic to put up with some people that are derranged and near-by?"

My answer is: YES LOL!

Sherri,
This you wrote is right on time for me.
"I may not believe much, but I do believe God wants me happy. This could be the seed, which starts faith."

[Tommi]

Okay...CONGRATULATIONS are in order David,

Happy 4th Birthday

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 5

BEFORE THE END OF THE ROAD


Before the end of the road tiny stone lay on the side, freshly painted lines glimmer in this twilight trance. Walking the macadam, the crunch underfoot changes my perspective. No steering wheel or accelerator, this is ankle express all the way. Walking the road step by step, on my own, I am part of the soft and growing world progressing on a plan of separate integrity. Moist, lush wonder is missed by the motor speedway I let rule my life. Honeyed sweetness covers the vegetation swaying in the undulating airborne pulse. I am tempted to lie down and have a roll, but my role tonight is to reach the end of the road. When my goal is achieved I may choose a woodland life or an urban endeavor. Seeing the end of this path is job enough for now. Decisions anticipated prior to arrival are foolish diversions. I need to stay, not stray, with the dancers in the wind.


Execute the detractors in your mind.


Sherrie

[1-Sunny-Spirit]

This morning I read this. I thought of it at least twice during the day -

"Execute the detractors in your mind."

Each day, I try to remember something I read in the morning time that brought postiive and feel good into me.

[LeftWriteFemme]

This morning I read this. I thought of it at least twice during the day -

"Execute the detractors in your mind."

Each day, I try to remember something I read in the morning time that brought postiive and feel good into me.

Wow!!! That means a lot to me! I am so glad you take the time to read my post, I appreciate it I do!

Sherrie

[1-Sunny-Spirit]

I do my meditation in the mornings. I read from Daily Reflections and also, right now, I am utilizing As Bill Sees It. Sometimes I swap my recovery books around - about every three months or so. In addtion, I am now reading your posts. Hey, I take all the help I can get! *grin*

After I read, then I get down on my knees right beside my chair and say prayers to the Good Spirit. I coined "Good Spirit" years ago. But I still sometimes say "Higher Power" too. I do not think of the Good Spirit as any type entity connected with religion. To me, the Good Spirit means light and goodness. The Good Spirit wants everybody to be happy - I am quite certain of it.

Sherrie, your writings are good stuff for people in recovery to read!

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 6

PICK ME SIX NUMBERS



Knowing all the page numbers and quotes out of the big book, but not being able to apply them, is like knowing all the winning lottery numbers with the inability to buy a ticket. Telling my story has little or nothing to do with public speaking. Recovery has so much more to do with willingness than studiousness. Popularity contests, policing meetings and service politics is a circus I have attended far too often. Empty rooms sporting great curtains do not a home make. Comprehension is no substitute for acquiescence.


Stock your mental stream so there is something to catch.


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

Sherrie, your writings are good stuff for people in recovery to read!

Thanks so very much!!!!!

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 7

DETAIL DAYS



Detail days seem like lost, soulless days. I sort the piles of endless junk mail; catch up on bills, letters, laundry. I don’t leave the house, but in some way I feel like I’m not in my home. It’s like a day of pulling out all the needles, splinters and thorns that accumulate under my skin from rough weeks and road rash. I steel myself to the pain of relief and rescue. Cleared counters, emptied baskets, finished worry lists leave me with that newly moved in feel. Piles overwhelm me, but sometimes, details define me.


Can-can in your head.


Sherrie

[Greyson]

November 7

Piles overwhelm me, but sometimes, details define me.

Sherrie

And here I thought it was just me. I too get overwhelmed with piles but when I start to work on, deconstruct the "pile," a feeling of peace comes over me. The outcome is not what really offers me the sense of peace. For me it is in the act of just doing it. Taking that daily one step at a time.

I also really like the notion "Sometimes, details define me." All of who I am, every moment, every drop of DNA, every choice I have made, these are my details.

On another note, this weekend the Sacramento Rivercity Roundup is going on. I couldn't help but think of you Sherri and wonder how things are going for you today. Tomorrow I will celebrate 27 years of living clean and sober. Again, thank you for day in and day out putting your words into this thread. Much of the time I am silent but this thread, your words have been a tool of my recovery.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Greyson,

Thank you for your kind words. I am always so happy to be able to come in here and post. This community has done so much for me I am grateful to give back anyway I can.

It is hard to believe that it has been a whole year since The Sacramento Round Up. Tommi and I had such a great time there. It was wonderful to meet all the people. I made friends there who I treasure. I heard from John A. that he is speaking there this year and I so wish I could be there to hear him.

I am excited to be speaking at WACYPAA this year, which is a gift that flowed to me through you asking me to speak in Sacramento last year. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, it has made a wonderful path open for me.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 8

SLAYING OLD DRAGONS


Your roar is Doppler-low and I can feel my steps move the earth as I go forward. Former dominator, scary from every angle, I come for you today. The scales are falling. I don’t rip them but they fall. I can breathe at the heights of your lair; I am not shrinking. The booming voice you had is gone, the power spilling away from you. I don’t fly from you. Gone is the tremble you once instilled. The curtain has parted and you are revealed not as the dragon, the serpent, the monster but as the peacock you have always been, preening and screeching as ever.


Put your foot down and dance with the other.


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 9

CLINGING



Large bugs cling to the soffits, upside down, as an alternative to the rain soaked landscape. I salute their efforts to find security in a shrinking list of possible locations. Awkward situations place me, fingertips and toenails holding position, trying to avoid life’s harsher choices. Bitter, chilling options are cheerful alternatives to no options at all. I can take the difficult positions as an advantage. I have survived and this is the goal of the game. I am here come what may. I make the best of the worst times so God can help me make the best of the best times.


Turn with the tide.


Sherrie

[Tommi]

And here I thought it was just me. I too get overwhelmed with piles but when I start to work on, deconstruct the "pile," a feeling of peace comes over me. The outcome is not what really offers me the sense of peace. For me it is in the act of just doing it. Taking that daily one step at a time.

I also really like the notion "Sometimes, details define me." All of who I am, every moment, every drop of DNA, every choice I have made, these are my details.

On another note, this weekend the Sacramento Rivercity Roundup is going on. I couldn't help but think of you Sherri and wonder how things are going for you today. Tomorrow I will celebrate 27 years of living clean and sober. Again, thank you for day in and day out putting your words into this thread. Much of the time I am silent but this thread, your words have been a tool of my recovery.

Tomorrow I will celebrate 27 years of living clean and sober.

Greyson,
I was so glad to see your post.

Happy Anniversary, or as in some area's we say Happy Birthday.

Either way I was happy to have met you on the happy road of destiny, another "old timer" at the BASH in San Francisco, and @ Living Sober .Hope all is well up in your neck of the woods.

Tommi

[Greyson]

Greyson,
I was so glad to see your post.

Happy Anniversary, or as in some area's we say Happy Birthday.

Either way I was happy to have met you on the happy road of destiny, another "old timer" at the BASH in Vegas.Hope all is well up in your neck of the woods.

Tommi

Thank you Tommi. Actually, I do say Happy Birthday. I got sober back home in Los Angeles. We say Happy Birthday and we get a cake too. Up here, it's mixed. Until I was up in Northern California, I had never been to a meeting where there was not a cake to celebrate an AA Birthday.

[Tommi]

Thank you Tommi. Actually, I do say Happy Birthday. I got sober back home in Los Angeles. We say Happy Birthday and we get a cake too. Up here, it's mixed. Until I was up in Northern California, I had never been to a meeting where there was not a cake to celebrate an AA Birthday.

It is different in many places. I travel alot and find clapping , no clapping. cake --no cake..
Yep, I got sober in So CAL , and I am looking forward to a celebration including a cake in several months.

Way to go

[homeboi]

Happy Birthday, Greyson!
We get cakes in FL.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 10

I DON’T SEE HOW



This is the smallest of the fragile excuses I use to keep from doing things to make me happy. Petty in a way I would never be with others, I rake my desires and tiny little hopes over the coals. Tired platitudes are plated up as first serves by my short order shortsightedness. Protecting crusted-over nonsense, I live the life of a lockout, not even a squatter on the fringes of my dreams. I stumble in my efforts to see hope, joy or my purpose, ignoring the fact that I must step from the box before I can see the horizon or more.


Rub your own head.


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 11

QUILTER


What more comfort can exist in the world than a conglomeration of turned edges and love? Fancy stitches or not, the assembled world of cloth stands testament to devotion and diligence. Careful collections, meaningful to the collector and mysterious to the possessor, fulfill the primal urge to shelter and be safe. Time is testimony to endurance. Thread against thread, solidarity is strength embracing flexibility. The bed of life is made and remade daily with the affection of kind quilters’ needles of love.


Find a room for zeal.



Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 12

EIGHT MISTAKES CLOSER


I am eight mistakes closer to perfection. As long as I fall forward, progress is being made. I fail meticulously toward my goal, more cannot be asked. Loss, pain, frustration are strong teachers and great motivators. I suck each splinter for knowledge, extracting juice from every fragment for information. In spite of sprains and strains, I have stretched, attaining almost my full height. Growth is a wonderful thing, though cost is always involved. Mistakes are an unavoidable price but well worth the expense. They are an expense that pays dividends, dividends that move me toward perfection.


Stretch your body, flex your mind.



Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 13

FLORAL ECSTASY


I could eat fields of buttercups and drink down ponds of water lilies. Wear foxgloves and a pair of lady slippers, too. I could wrap myself in bridal wreathe and underpin with nettles. I could rise with the roses, lay with the lilies, shade with the sage, sing with the trumpet vines and run away from home with a Turk's cap on my head and a pansy in my pocket, until the four o’clocks say it’s time to come home for evening primrose and then bed.


Increase your tool chest by one.

[Tommi]

November 12


Stretch your body, flex your mind.

Sherrie

I stretched my body and flexed my mind yesterday.., boy my grey matter was resistant, and the body screamed wait..not yet,,. or was that the mind ~~~

Aha , a real good stretch..


Now, for today, am flexing my mind already!! What shall I get at Home Depot, or somewhere !!!

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 14

THREE TOYS FLOATING

I bat the ducks across the surface of my bath. Soaking is supposed to calm me. I’m waiting. I assure you my impatience is no help to this process. These yellow, tub-bound misfits grinning at me don’t fill me with the joy of living, either. I have blown bubbles until I’m blue. I smell like a French elevator from the bath oils. My hair is stiff with conditioner; my face packed with mud. “Do the right thing," said my sponsor. She is such a pain. Here I am bubble bath to my armpits, and not a hint of peace. Her question rings, “What do you want?” But isn’t it obvious? If I knew that, what would I be doing wrinkling in this swilling vat? I wouldn’t. I would be out doing my ‘thing’, whatever that ‘thing’ is. How I’m going to figure myself out I don’t know. And ‘she’ is no help, (you know who ‘she’ is, she the sponsor lady)
So what do I want?
World peace.
A clue.
Maybe just a hint.
But I know part of it. I know more than I admit.
I want sobriety and happiness, dignity and respect, enough time to do these things, and love.
“Well," says she, “those things are easy. Work the steps, then the traditions; practice them, do service, and take the advice you give to your own sponsees.”
I stick out my tongue in her general direction.


Creep toward the unknown.


Sherrie

[1-Sunny-Spirit]

Yes, I do know who she is ...
"(you know who ‘she’ is, she the sponsor lady)"

Here is my perception on the sponsor lady today:

(you know who ‘she’ is, she the annoying sponsor lady)

LOL!

It is a swell day here. I have my sense of humor today ... and that makes me more light-hearted.

[PearlsNLace]

Hey does anybody know what the gay AA community is like in Austin, and in Seattle?

Im trying to decide my next move.
And I have LEARNED that I am no longer willing to live without a solid gay AA group.

Thanks!

Misha

[LeftWriteFemme]

Hey does anybody know what the gay AA community is like in Austin, and in Seattle?

Im trying to decide my next move.
And I have LEARNED that I am no longer willing to live without a solid gay AA group.

Thanks!

Misha

When I spoke in Sacramento last year one of the other speakers was living with his partner in Austin, he said the recovery is great and they chose to move there because of the good recovery, they had shopped around. I have his email address I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I gave it to you. I think Greyson knows Rob, too. I think Rob and his partner lived in Sac fro quite some time.

I don't know a thing about Seattle, but I'm sure we could find some people who know.

I am excited for you that you're planning your next move! Good luck Sweetie, whereever you decide.

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 15

DESERVING


Tender toes crushed by moving memories, fresh pain from ancient injuries, shock incurred from these lifeless reminiscences. Unhappy reconstructions slap unsuspecting faces. The people, who stood by to let the chips fall where they may, try to feign 'innocent bystander' now that shit is falling from the sky. Unexposed skin will burn when the flames leap high. Idiotic excuses will not retard the fire of injustice coming to call. Too late tears carry no freight with the past recipients of the it all runs down hill award. Cowards make themselves cripples and fracture at the force of incoming reality, and deserve more than they get.


Once well is a full feeling.


Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 16

DOWN THE UPSIDE



On the downside of a rising star there is too much fear. Anticipation is recommended for ascent, delight should be encouraged, but all out alarm is usually sounded whether it is needed or not. Panic dims the shining pleasure of mounting the sky. Refuting celestial status, denying astral projection, I renounce myself. Attaining height, my position in space is apparent to bystanders and onlookers. I need to ride the comet and accept fate, my nemesis. Fortune shines on me, I should not squint away kismet.


Expand your spiritual muscle.

[1-Sunny-Spirit]

It is Monday morning and I am anticipating a swell day.

Talking and meeting with my sponsor is enlightening. I met her for breakfast yesterday. I do not know why sometimes I do not talk to her sooner when I get in a jam emotionally. She had some concrete suggestions.

Looking forward to attending Women's AA yearly gig with her in Orlando in February. She has 28 years sober and has gone every year to this function. Are any of you planning to attend?

[Tommi]

Hey does anybody know what the gay AA community is like in Austin, and in Seattle?

Im trying to decide my next move.
And I have LEARNED that I am no longer willing to live without a solid gay AA group.

Thanks!

Misha

Good idea Misha,

I find the world a dark and lonely place without gay AA. sherrie and i both have gay AA home groups.
I know there is a community in Austin, and Diva's Thanksgsiving Events soon. I visited Austin when in the Air Force, and, changed planes in Seattle and drink thier coffeee. If I hear of anything I shout it out to you..

Know nothing about ether area .

[Tommi]

It is Monday morning and I am anticipating a swell day.

Talking and meeting with my sponsor is enlightening. I met her for breakfast yesterday. I do not know why sometimes I do not talk to her sooner when I get in a jam emotionally. She had some concrete suggestions.

Looking forward to attending Women's AA yearly gig with her in Orlando in February. She has 28 years sober and has gone every year to this function. Are any of you planning to attend?

This be the one. http://www.internationalwomensconference.org/

Hey, it's another grand week of fun in the sun Sunny Spirit. Are you and your sponsor in Orlando?
I will have just celebrated my 33rd clean and sober year with sherrie (LeftWriteFemme), in Eugene, Ore. She is speaking at http://www.wacypaa.org/host.php

Yes, LeftWriteFemme and I will be attending part of the event, as we have other business in the area.

Glad to hear you are touching base with your sponsor. I drifted away from this program, and found some really dark spots, didn't pick up, but went into a hypermanic state for months. Then that AA dusty book flashed on my bookshelf. I've been through many sponsors, and sponsored many, so I understand that emotional roller coaster.

PM me your contact info if you like and we can touch base when in the area.

[1-Sunny-Spirit]

Oh MAN, this is so cool!

*yelling real loud*
Hey Gang!
I get to meet Tommi and Sherri for real!!! LOL!

Tommi, I checked the link you provided. That has to be it. My sponsor wanted me to go with her this past February. It was in Salt Lake City. I wanted to go so bad but my little dog had just turned 16 years old and I simply would not go anywhere and leave her. My choice to stay with her and not leave her. I had to put my angel daughter to sleep about 2.5 months ago (August 29th in fact) due to health problems.

I will send you a PM soon, okay?

I am same as you. There are times when I "got well" and quit meetings. Once a woman said she did not want to date an AA Butch. Being the genius I am, I extracted myself from AA for two years. I did not pick up a drink but I was so irritable, restless and discontent. That woman did not know it but she would have liked me better had I been in my regular 3 per week meetings. A miniscule price to pay.

Yes, the emotional roller coasters rattle my chain. I went to a meeting tonight at my home group. You know, I practice my recovery. I do the things we do to keep sober. And yet, I have been feeling like a whole bucketful of assholes for around the last month or two. It has not been constant but off and on. All this is to say, it just makes me feel chitty on the inside when I get the ass-attitude. Well, at any rate, I am sober and that is the main thing ... the main thing for all of us.

Tommi, I am so glad the big book flashed into your mind. As you are well aware, some people like us die from this. I am sure you have lost friends along the way too.

Know something? I will continue to "Keep Coming Back!! "
Hope you and Sherrie do too! *grin*

'night - time for bed
Sunny

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 17

TIMELY





Spend a minute to rub the sleep gently from your eyes.
Spend an hour smoothing lotion from one end to the other.
Spend a day in tribute to the gifts you give and gifts given you.
Spend a week researching your goals, dreams and hopes.
Spend a month routing energy to a viable flow.
Spend a year studying truth.
Spend a life living it.
Your life is worth all the time you have.
Take it.


Balance doubt and dreams.


Sherrie

[1-Sunny-Spirit]

"Spend an hour smoothing lotion from one end to the other."

Sherrie, you post is all good but the lotion part.
Far too time consuming!

When necessary I can get out of bed, shower, dress and be squeaky clean as well as suitable for out the door in 15 minutes - lotion is not workable.

LOL!
just playing around - came home for quick lunch ... in a good mood!!!

[LeftWriteFemme]

"Spend an hour smoothing lotion from one end to the other."

Sherrie, you post is all good but the lotion part.
Far too time consuming!

When necessary I can get out of bed, shower, dress and be squeaky clean as well as suitable for out the door in 15 minutes - lotion is not workable.

LOL!
just playing around - came home for quick lunch ... in a good mood!!!

It's a once a month thing not an everyday thing, not to worry!