Looking to hook up with some friends of Bill W.
Just want to say Hi and Looking forward to get to know some of you better.
Take Care
Looking to hook up with some friends of Bill W.
Just want to say Hi and Looking forward to get to know some of you better.
Take Care
Last edited by pumpnbutch; 01-20-2003 at 11:12 PM.
Life is too short to waste. So make wise choices.
Hey there bro..I too am a friend of Bill W. I was clean/sober for almost 14 yrs. until I relapsed, lack of meetings, not doing the things suggested, and this HUGE EGO of mine took control...I hit an emotional bottom and have come back. I now have about 6 wks, maybe a little more...anytime you want to talk just let me know...Hopefully more will respond to this thread and we can have a mini AA meeting online < grin >
Had to jump into this thread with you!!! (Guess I'm following you Pump!)
Just wanted ya'll to know you're not alone and I'll check in regularly. And remember to keep it simple!!!
Badboy...glad to hear you're 'back'.
Lee
Thanks alot Lee....It feels good to be 'back', and getting back to who I really am once again instead of all the insanity...
I'm glad to see that this wasn't a bad idea after all
Hi Bad Boy
I'm glad to see your back on track. Congrads on your six weeks. We all have to learn our lessons. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But your right when you stay away from meetings too long its only a matter of time.
Glad to see you too rsdadi- hope you keep stopping by...
I was starting to think that this thread wasn't going to get any hits and I almost removed it. But now I'm glad I didn't. By the way I have a little over 6-years now. I've come along way. And I always say that I'm glad I became an alcoholic because I got my life back in a better way. Life is so much better today.
Well keep coming back and if anyone needs to talk feel free to email me.
Have a Great Day
Life is too short to waste. So make wise choices.
hey pumpin, good thread...just what i needed right now. ive been sober 18 years now and have really let things get out of hand as far as keeping it simple. i have so much stress in my life and a drink is looking real good right now. i dont think ill do it but i feel like im on really shakey ground right now. i just wish i could go get shit faced drunk and get it out of my system but i know that it wouldnt end. does anyone else ever feel like this? like you could control it? i know i cant but i just want to get out of my head for awhile i guess.
Hey there Resq..First of all congrats on your 18 yrs., but take it from someone that relapsed its NOT worth it.....My life went in a downhill spiral rapidly--within 9 mos.........as I said was sober for almost 14 yrs. and went back out. Thought I could control it, but instead it took control of me. Old behaviors came rearing their heads, new behaviors that I never had even when drinking, and I roared through some lives and did some damage along the way like the Tazmanian Devil.....In the process people were hurt, I was hurt, and basically I fucked up my life, dealing with guilt, humility, shame, anger, and failure is hard, and I am trying to seek within myself as well as in others to forgive myself--which is always hard, as well as for those around me that I have harmed to find it within them for forgiveness..But as long as I do my part, work the program to the best of my ability, stay sober, and make amends when the time is right, thats all I can do for the time being......Good luck Resq, and if you need to chat private message me.........
Stinkin Thinkin
Hi resqx, glad that you decided to come and join us.
I have only 6-years-But I work the best program I can work today . One thing I do know, going out and getting drunk is not going to solve any problem that your going through right now. As soon as you sober up your problem(stressed out) is still going to be there. Along with the fact that you just relapsed and now you have two problems.... And will you make it back to the program....We all have what ifs.....
I know that the longer your sober the harder it is to remember your bottom or how bad it was when you were out there. A few old timers told me that the longer your sober the harder it is to remember your bottom. Thats why we all need newcomers to remind us of how fucked it is out there. Sometimes I forget how insane it was when I was out there. But I'm constantly reminded by newcomers.
For me: I need a sponser, need to continue to work the steps over and over (if need be), go to meetings on a regular basis, and have some close friends in the program that I can talk to and hang out with.
I also give back what was given freely to me: I sponser, I am also a member of NA H&I. This is just what works for me.
I hope that you think about the consiquences and remember that you love yourself and you deserve to have a good life. So don't let your head try to fuck with you.
Sometimes I get the stinkin thinkin too- Like last week I thought maybe I'll be a coke dealer to make extra money- "right", me a sober dealer, "no way". This is my signal that I haven't been to a meeting in awhile and its time to get my butt to one. So I go and the bad thoughts go away. So you aren't thinking any different than any addict or alcoholic that I know...
I hope this helped you at least a little. If you want to chat drop me an email. I'm always happy to help out a friend.
Life is too short to waste. So make wise choices.
Hello pumpnbutch, califbadboy03, rsdadi, resqx.....
What a wonderful thread to find.
resqx, I am 18 years sober as well. It is hard sometimes to have long term sobriety and to be just another drunk in the meeting. But that really is all we are. I went thru a very bad patch last year and it was AA that pulled me through. But I needed to go to some new meetings where I could just be an anonymous drunk.
califbadboy03, welcome back. I am glad you lived thru it so you could tell resqx that it didn't work.
pumpnbutch and rsdadi, I too will keep in contact with this thread. I can't imagine that we are the only ones out there.
Sober Femme in Portland, OR
Welcome SoBelle, and thank you for responding as well...Congrats to you on 18 yrs as well.....and its definitely great to finally be back, and come back to reality. I am far from well and wonderful, but doing ALOT better then I was 2 mos ago.....
thanks everyone, i guess after 18 years i know what i need to do, its just a question of whether i will or not. i just have so much crap floating around in my head, things im powerless over, that i have to let go of but i cant. i know im just setting myself up if i dont talk about, so thanks for being here.
Letting go is definitely hard for most of us....I know I have that same problem in alot of areas of my life...admitting the powerlessness of people, places or things isnt as hard as finding/working on the solution--for me that is....Taking action, doing the footwork to get to where I need to be....sometimes is really tough....
Good Morning,
I think that resqx said the most important thing. " i know what i need to do, its just a question of whether i will or not."
Last winter life was so dark and I couldn't figure out what to do next. My head was spinning, my heart was broken, I was failing at work, and worst of all I couldn't find my HP. I damn near offed myself because I knew that drinking wouldn't help.
What pulled me out of it was to inventory the spinning. It has taken almost a year to pull out of it but the upward spiral started with an inventory. What keeps the spiral moving upward is prayer, meetings, working with others and therapy.
When I read resqx's replies I take them very seriously. Not all of us are as lucky as CaBadBoy. Some of us die out there, I know a woman who has brain damage from the first drunk after being sober 11 years, and I have known more than one long term sober person who ate the end of a gun.
Life and HP have so much to offer us if we can connect with them. And for me and I assume you, I cannot connect with either Life or HP through a bottle. There have been some gifts from the darkness. I have met some wonderful new loving, supportive friends, I have found new and stronger connections with some old friends and I have learned some more about the spiritual principles of trust and forgiveness.
My latest experiment is that I have started dating again. I have been on 2 dates with butches that I met over personals. It is very scary and I am not sure that it is a good idea but time will tell.
I hope I haven't preached. This seems to be a long reply. Hope this thread continues..... blessings to you all
Hey ya'll!
Just wanted to check in and let you know I'm still around as well. I haven't been feeling so hot, so didn't spend a lot of time online this weekend.
I'm wishing you all the best...and keep talkin'!!! Someone said it was good for us!!
Lee
You certainly havent preached..we need to hear other stories and reading what you wrote helped me alot....
I woke up this morning feeling the best I have in quite some time.....and I was thinking while still laying in bed that long before I picked up that first drink, my behaviors, and all that old thinking was right there...The dragon inside of me was coming out...
I also realized last night when I did something that wasnt right, I was doing something in a passive/aggressive way...The best thing about that is I noticed it, stopped it and changed it....what a concept!!!!
Again thank you for sharing SoBelle...
Hey there RS...Glad you dropped in and glad you are doing well.....I am really enjoying this thread and hope it continues for time to come.......
Thank you all for being here....
One Day at a Time
Hi everyone,
I'm truely glad to see that threw our posts we are all helping each other. In one way or another. Its kind of like going to a meeting everytime I read new posts. Were all in sobriety willing to help each other. Life can be so good. I know now that If I have a problem that I could use advice on, All's I have to do is ask....
SoBelle, I enjoyed what you had to say. I didn't think that you were preaching at all. I'm looking forward to hearing more of what you have learned in the program.....so keep coming back,OK?
rsdadi, I'm glad that you keep checking in.
To all of you thank you for your shares and your advice. It helps me too. Have a great day......
Life is too short to waste. So make wise choices.
sobelle thanks and i dont take what you said as preaching either. im feeling a little better today and have been doing alot of thinking about what you guys said. i think i need to go back to the first step and just deal with my life one day at a time. im trying to focus on the good things in my life and know that i wouldnt have them for long if i took a drink. im 19th on the list for the fire dept. i cant imagine going thru the fire academy drunk. i have a good job, i have a house, a car, everything i need. just not what i want. but thats life and ill deal with it. but i wont drink today.
Sometimes we have to get back to the basics, and lose sight of that, I speak from experience. I know at times I feel a void, and have for a long time, and thats when I begin to overanalyze things, fix on things, and it doesnt work, and now I have learned I need to get back to.....The basics--1,2,3---A,B,C.....Just as you are speaking of Resq....and "Just for today, I wont drink."
PumpnmButch I feel the same way....This thread is great, and each time I come back to it, it takes me out of myself in a way, and yet allows me to reflect....Hope you have a great day as well...
Hi everyone! Great thread!
A wise person once told me that it isn't the big stuff life throws our way that temps us, 'cuz when the big shit happens we deal with it and move on. It's the everyday little things adding up that can sneak up on us and kill sobriety. Take care of the little stuff before it has a chance to add up and stay aware of the vulnerabilities by not letting things stack up! Always work your program!
Getting back to the basics isn't a bad thing. It a great way to renews one's resolve!
Hey Tops....Thanks alot bro for the reminders, and for posting what you did on this thread...It is the every day little things....
Hey resqx, You say you have what you need but not what you want....
Well go look in the mirror and tell me what you see....
I believe you'll see a sober you......So you do have what you want.....without our sobriety we have nothing....
I'm sure when you came to the program all you wanted was to be sober. Well your sober....
Maybe you just need to talk about whats bothering you and take the power out of it.
One time I was stressing over something pretty bad.... so I called my sponser....she told me,"You need to be deflated". Taking this big problem and turning it back into a small one again. We talked about it and I realized I was stressing over such a small thing. So she helped me take the power out of it and then I was able to work threw it.
As addicts or alcoholics we tend to take a small problems and turn them into big problems. We sit there and spin over them. I always say to my friends and sponsee's, "Get off the freeway and get back into your heart". Then you can work threw it..But you never have to do anything alone anymore unless you choose to.
Last edited by pumpnbutch; 01-27-2003 at 08:26 PM.
Life is too short to waste. So make wise choices.
Good Morning,
Have any of you particpated in a structured step study group? I am in one now and find it very helpful. There is a guide that has questions that you answer and it is designed to take you through all 12 steps. My group is 7 women ranging from 3 years to 20 years sober. It is pretty interesting to hear women 20 years sober struggle with a fourth step in the same way as a newcomer. I guess the lesson there is that we only have today!
Mornin' ya'll!!
A step study group? Great idea!! I was in one years ago and got a great deal out of it. Thanks for bringing this up, reminds me of the work I need to do...TODAY.
Glad you're all here!
Lee
Just checking in and want to say Hi
Hi SoBelle, where I live they have a regular step study meeting in AA.
NA has a workbook study on the 12 steps...
I have been to both several times...But I go regularly to the NA one. Its a real good meeting. We read a part of the workbook then we go around the room and everyone answers the question we just read about. Then we go to the next question for that step. I think the NA workbook is a good way to work the steps. It breaks the step down into several questions. Which makes it simpler to understand. Alot of newcomers really like this meeting. I use it for my NA sponsee's. Have you seen the workbook by chance?
Well everyone have a good day...
Life is too short to waste. So make wise choices.
Hey there SoBelle, and PumpnButch...
I have been to step studies as well, and not just in meeting halls, that type of format....but at someones house. It was a really good group, and each month we worked on a step. Was pretty enlightening....
I am in a mode today and cant seem to shake it...Being overwhelmed, angry,easily aggitated, easily aggravated, impatient with everything, and dont know what to do right at this moment to get out of it......Anger is a trigger for me....Thats when I drink mostly, that and the euphoric feelings--feeling really good....from one extreme to the other....Can get pretty crazed at times......which is where I am at right now....Its hard to look at anything in a positive light right now, or anything to be grateful for.....Cant seemt to get to that place today......
This is when a trip to the batting cages is a good thing for me! By the time I get done I'm exhausted and defused! I need to play hard when I get like that so anything that is physically demanding helps.Being overwhelmed, angry,easily aggitated, easily aggravated, impatient with everything, and dont know what to do right at this moment to get out of it......
Here's to today being a better day!
Hey Tops....
I am the same way...I need to defuse, and have that physical release. Usually working out, lifting weights, mountain biking does it for me.....
Today is a better day then yesterday, so that helps.....Just having a hard time of letting go
"This too shall pass", bro! Today is the perfect time to have a better day!
califbadboy, i know how you feel, the best thing for me when i feel like that is to spend some time alone. or call someone and rant and rave and get it out of your system. or do something physical like tops said. i just started working out again and its really calming me down. this weekend im going to clean up my basement and blow the dust off my weight bench.
i think we all posted at the same time...glad your having a better day.....yep letting go is tough but if its something you cant change you have to or it will eat you up inside( look whos talking right) im just trying to keep busy and when i start thinking too much i say the serenity prayer in my head. i know its corny but it works. im having a better day too, even tho its snowing here and i have to drive 20 miles to work in it
Looks like we did all post at the same time, or just about anyways.....Letting go is definitely hard, and yesterday proved that to me in many ways....I was physically sick, like I was going to puke all day because I was holding things inside....I KNOW this isnt healthy, yet I continue to do it...
I am going to a meeting tonight, which I am sure will help in some ways too.....and I definitely need to get back into the work out thing too, because not only will it exert my energy, but it will get me out of my own head for awhile.....
Thanks alot for the advice, and encouragement everyone.....Just for today I will get through this all without a drink....
And get to work on that basement Resq....be safe in the snow....
Hello to all of you,
this thread is actually really working out. Again I feel like I'm in a meeting everytime I come and read the new posts.
BadBoy- I,m glad to hear that you made it threw another day. But you have to let go and let god have your problem and work on loving yourself more and working your program even harder. Whats more important a relationship or your sobriety. Sometimes its hard to humble ourselves. But we have to do it.
Sometimes we choose to sit in our pitty pot and suffer. But haven't you suffered enough. Get off the pot and get on with your life, your program and do more meetings.
I work out at the gym too. I stay out of my head there. So get your butt in gear and start pumping those weights again. And things will become much clearer. I love you and I want you to be happy.
Life is too short to waste. So make wise choices.
Good Morning everyone,
I love seeing your posts in my email. What a wonderful way to start my day.
It appears that a couple of us are having some relationship difficulties. (Is that an oxymoron?) Well my two cents about this issue is simple. NO WOMAN IS WORTH MY SOBRIETY! I am not about to give up the one success that seems to stay with me. I struggle giving too much of myself away but no gets that. The reason is also simple. My sobriety is not mine but yours and Gods. You gave it to me and only you can take it away. And in all of these years AA has never abandoned me or asked me to leave.
For those of us that are not as physical as Pumpn, there are other ways that I use to calm the disturbance. There are the standard call some one or go to a meeting or pray. I also work in my garden.
Another trick was taught to me by a sponser when I was very new in the program. I would call her up crying and dying about something and she would listen for a minute and then tell me to hang up and go wash my dishes and then call her back. When I called her back if I was still pitiful she would then tell me to go straighten my underwear drawer or something equally as simple.
Sooner or later the silly chores would run out or it would be time for a meeting. What she was teaching me was to take care of myself. (She may also have been bored with my drivel) To this day those sorts of things can calm me down enough to remember to pray or to think.
Have a good day....
Trisha
damn i am so angry right now. mostly at myself. my ex has been reading these posts and imed me to see if i was ok. it was a bad time to talk, i guess im going thru an anger phase, anyway it got ugly, which i didnt want, and now i feel bad about some of the things i said. i hate being mean, especially to some one i care about.
good morning
Wow, there's lots of good stuff here folks.
Resqx, can you apologize and move on? You know we like to kick ourselves and then feel guilty then feel sorry then wanna drink behind it (yeah, it can feel that heavy, huh?) I'm not minimizing what happened just reminding you to do what you can and let it go. My best to you bro!
((everybody here)) ya'll are a really nice way to start my day! Thanks for you strength!
I must confess to feeling a little 'public' with this thread. But if there's anything I've come to in my life is leaving shame out of my head. Ok, just needed to say it, now I'll probably not think about it again. LOL
Lee
I definitely know that my sobriety has to come first...Has to come before anything else in my life in order for me to get the place of peace and serenity once again....I agree no relationship is worth my sobriety, and I dont feel that way....
What I have done is beat myself up until I cant take anymore beatings for the hurt, pain, etc. I have caused in others lives, and dealing with the guilt, shame, hurt and pain, etc within myself too... and I am my worst enemy....
I went to a meeting last night, and it was really good..Glad that I went to it.....I need to find a sponsor but havent met anyone yet that I can really relate with...but I am sure in time I will...Until then I will use this thread....
Thanks again
Trisha~Thanks for the words of wisdom....I really need to get out of myself....and what better way then to start small--such as small chores etc...
Rs~ I can relate bro, this is a pretty public place considering there are over 6000 members...But I dont really care, we are here for eachother....
Resqx--I agree with RS....write about it--mini 4th step, then apologize for your part in it....and explain to her this is where you are having mini meetings online and if she will respect your space.......
phew...think ill go straighten up my underwear drawer
Resqx,
Good idea bro, good idea....
Lee
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