...so i was thinkin'

[wolfsong069]

I was thinkin......my ex-gf can be pretty cool......I like it much better when we're gettin' along.......but it's way cool when she gets mad and her head spins around like Linda Blair.......

Know what's really kinda f@#$%^ up? I honestly don't remember who I was talking about here.




It isn't like I dated a ton of people. (If you do know don't tell me. God is obviously being kind in gifting me with this kind of forgetfullness)

On the up side.....Andi and I were dating in 2004 when this original posted was made and we are still together, happily married.

[Terri90069]

I'm thinking I may go to the Santa Monica Pier and chill for a bit tomorrow.

[educand]

I'm thinkin'...

...it should probably tell me something that every time I try to complete a thought or type something about "home" or "family" today, I burst into tears. Wuuuut? Hallo, subconscious, it appears you're gnawing on something there.

[femmsational]

I'm thinking.....I'm really lucky to have such great friends. It's one of those "ah-ha" moments:-)

[nonprofitprincess]

I like this thread. I think completely random stuff all the time.

So, I was thinkin'...

Is having a master's degree really going to help me that much? I'm not really sure why I keep going to school. Sometimes I think it's just to entertain my brain.

Why did it take me 30 years to figure out how to make a paper snowflake that isn't ugly?

Maybe my guy is right that I am not that odd. Maybe I'm just odd for Oklahoma. :-) Or maybe I'm just more stable because for once in my life, someone truly makes me HAPPY...

I don't know why I worry people will think I am moving too fast. I have had doubts with everyone I've ever dated, except with him. So who cares what anyone else thinks, right?

Why are Mon Cheri candies so damn hard to find??? I don't have the time to track down these little things, but you know I'm going to keep trying anyway. Gives me an excuse to listen to more Christmas music in the car. I used to really hate this time of year, but this year everything seems different. I'm merry. I just can't help it.

Cookies make any day better, though they may make tomorrow worse when my jeans won't fit.

This time of year always makes me wish I knew how to cook!

People always say they want you to be happy, but when you are, most of them seem a bit annoyed by your incessant happiness.

I want to write to Santa and request a Doctor Who - Dalek alarm clock. It would be awesome to wake up to "exterminate!" every morning. I love those evil little aliens. A dalek would be a great costume for halloween, great excuse for a metallic mod dress... but no one would get it. And can you really make a sexy dalek? I feel like I could pull this off.

[Terri90069]

So i'm thinking, everything in life happens for a reason.

With issues and problems, you find out who your true friends are, your backers, and your supporters, those who believe in you enough to see past the crap miserable people start.

A true friend or lover will always want you to succeed no matter what their feelings are they will never try to hold you down they will only try to lift you up

A decent human will not intentionally be hurtful or harmful and if they are they'll at least show remorse

People who put the blame on you to take the attention off of them for their actions really have no feelings

True love does exist you've just got to be bold and brave enough to look for it

Love yourself first because no one can love you any better than YOU

Someone who says they love you if they're serious they'll back it to show it too with out there being conditions

Boundaries they're there for a reason people should respect them

People who join groups assisting in bashing people or making them feel insignificant can't stand the fact when their miserable lives and who they really are is exposed

For once in my life i'm going to have a great Christmas!

[hir]

so i'm t'inkin' about what kind o' brine i wanna use fo' da turkey at work fo' christmas day!

[BADBOY]

What can we do to get this sight back to where it was before the great crash of October? We know a bunch of people wandered over to that "other site" but we need to reach out to those that we can & get back to where it was. I feel we had a great bunch of peeps here & frankly I want to see it restored. Any thoughts or ideas?

[hellboi]

What can we do to get this sight back to where it was before the great crash of October? We know a bunch of people wandered over to that "other site" but we need to reach out to those that we can & get back to where it was. I feel we had a great bunch of peeps here & frankly I want to see it restored. Any thoughts or ideas?

I'm thinking you would have to interview those folks and find out what issue/issues prompted their departure, then work to find a way to resolve them.
I'm also thinkin that's gonna be one monumental task.
Now I'm thinkin I sincerely wish you much luck.

[CabernetFemme]

So I was thinkin.............


How come I can't shake it?
It has been years now........sheesh.

[hellboi]

I''m thinkin....wow..dejavu

[StarFire]

so I was thinkin.....

growth is wonderful!

[hellboi]

I's thinkin....It's the freakin middle of March...Who the heck turned on the snow???????!!!!!

[1shyme]

So I was thinking.....

It's just plain wrong for Chicago to have temps in the 70's in March, while Seattle struggles to reach above 40!!

[hellboi]

Sooo...I was thinkin...... snaarf !!!!

[wolfsong069]

I'm thinking you would have to interview those folks and find out what issue/issues prompted their departure, then work to find a way to resolve them.
I'm also thinkin that's gonna be one monumental task.
Now I'm thinkin I sincerely wish you much luck.

hellboi,

I used to be on here multiple times a day and then I don't know.....a lot of us met up in real life an continued relationships that way, or got in ginormous arguments and are not friends anymore, or just drifted off into other realities. What I can tell you from my own personal perspective is this;

Fun & Fluff is fine but got to be a real drag when it was the ONLY conversation people seemed that they could participate in without fighting and getting very personal. (Even then there were some doosies - you should have been here for the great Girl Scout Cookie incident or the Hen Party Affair) People craving conversations of real substance and intelligence and could not get sustained, decent responses. Whenever a hot topic button was pushed, people divided up into sides immediately and instead of actually having an intelligent discussion though all did not agree it ended up disintegrating to the point that the fruits would have come in and threaten, warn, suspend, or outright close the thread. Additionally, the topics seemed to repeat often and the same ground covered over and over again. No offense to the other site but it really does not seem to be too much different there either. It would be nice to be able to come back and enjoy everyone's company.

[hellboi]

hellboi,

I used to be on here multiple times a day and then I don't know.....a lot of us met up in real life an continued relationships that way, or got in ginormous arguments and are not friends anymore, or just drifted off into other realities. What I can tell you from my own personal perspective is this;

Fun & Fluff is fine but got to be a real drag when it was the ONLY conversation people seemed that they could participate in without fighting and getting very personal. (Even then there were some doosies - you should have been here for the great Girl Scout Cookie incident or the Hen Party Affair) People craving conversations of real substance and intelligence and could not get sustained, decent responses. Whenever a hot topic button was pushed, people divided up into sides immediately and instead of actually having an intelligent discussion though all did not agree it ended up disintegrating to the point that the fruits would have come in and threaten, warn, suspend, or outright close the thread. Additionally, the topics seemed to repeat often and the same ground covered over and over again. No offense to the other site but it really does not seem to be too much different there either. It would be nice to be able to come back and enjoy everyone's company.

This seems to be a recurring theme on all forum sites, even the theological ones.

[wolfsong069]

This seems to be a recurring theme on all forum sites, even the theological ones.

I've been in a few interesting theological debates on this very site so I get what you are saying. For sure I can't look you in the eye and say I didn't show up in a thread or two around here and open my big mouth before I got all of the facts. Egh....live and learn I guess. This very thread was created to be a bit snarky under the radar....... and usually succeeded. Then very quickly it became a hang out thread. Almost all of them are gone now though.

[hellboi]

I've been in a few interesting theological debates on this very site so I get what you are saying. For sure I can't look you in the eye and say I didn't show up in a thread or two around here and open my big mouth before I got all of the facts. Egh....live and learn I guess. This very thread was created to be a bit snarky under the radar....... and usually succeeded. Then very quickly it became a hang out thread. Almost all of them are gone now though.

Yes it seems most everyone is gone now..or seldom comes to this site. To be honest, I only come here to communicate occassionally with the 1 person who doesn't communicate with me by email...I will probably stop coming here after awhile myself.

[wolfsong069]

Do they still have the Bash?

[scubadyke]

I'm thinking you would have to interview those folks and find out what issue/issues prompted their departure, then work to find a way to resolve them.
I'm also thinkin that's gonna be one monumental task.
Now I'm thinkin I sincerely wish you much luck.

Hellboi,

I have been a member of this site for YEARS. Loved it and loved coming here. A few years back there was the "divorce" this was just ugly and not fun to watch. It was very public and created a financial as well as drama laden mess. Some left then. The site then started having issues, mostly due to lack of disk space on the server (so we were told), and was up, down, up, down. It got frustrating. Some left then. A little while later money became a problem. In order to have what was required, people needed to pony up. I couldn't understand, given I do this kind of thing for a living and seeing other sites that are successful using the same model for the site and with their finances, how this could possible be a problem. Some left then too. Then the site just tanked. It was down for a VERY long time. When it came back up chat was broken and broken for a LONG time. People asked questions and for a very long time did not get a responses. There were very few announcements, other than solicitation for money and an apology for the outage. This left a bitter taste in some folks mouths who had paid for their subscription. Some left then as well. The site for months was stagnate and dry. No new announcements, no new anything until JUST recently. I for one drop in occasionally but refuse to buy a subscription after the debacles of the last few years here. This site used to be an incredible place. I miss it for sure...but have no intention of coming back for good at this point.

[luvin61]

not too many people come here anymore

[wolfsong069]

Hellboi,

A few years back there was the "divorce" this was just ugly and not fun to watch. It was very public and created a financial as well as drama laden mess. Some left then. The site then started having issues, mostly due to lack of disk space on the server (so we were told), and was up, down, up, down. It got frustrating. Some left then. A little while later money became a problem. In order to have what was required, people needed to pony up. I couldn't understand, given I do this kind of thing for a living and seeing other sites that are successful using the same model for the site and with their finances, how this could possible be a problem. Some left then too. Then the site just tanked. It was down for a VERY long time. When it came back up chat was broken and broken for a LONG time. People asked questions and for a very long time did not get a responses. There were very few announcements, other than solicitation for money and an apology for the outage. This left a bitter taste in some folks mouths who had paid for their subscription. Some left then as well. The site for months was stagnate and dry. No new announcements, no new anything until JUST recently.

In all honesty about the time my wife and I felt compelled to purchase subscriptions the divorce thing started. We hung back to see what would happen and well.....you know the story from there. I had sent some notes to Admin on a personal matter and after the initial reply there was nothing at all and the issue was never resolved as far as I know.

*Shrugs......it is my policy to never care about a problem more than the person that is having it. In my opinion, the site simply died from neglect. I am not making judgements. I went through an ugly divorce that brought me to my knees to the point that for a day or two I didn't want to get out of bed and as I lay there staring at the ceiling I wondered if anyone had ever died because they just didn't give a shit anymore. Then I realized that in order to move forward at all I only needed to answer 1 question - Fix it or Fuck it. If it was fix it I had work to do, if the answer was fuck it well.....my work was done. Maybe that's what needs to happen here.....Fix it or Fuck it.

[scubadyke]

....Fix it or Fuck it.

Agree

[xxgrenadexx]

it was a great site when I joined. Now I cant even view my profile without hunting for the hidden link!!

[blush]

Why I don't support this site:
It's beyond insulting to see "Christian single dating" ads on this site.
Nothing says we just don't care anymore as loudly as that ad banner does.

[scubadyke]

Why I don't support this site:
It's beyond insulting to see "Christian single dating" ads on this site.
Nothing says we just don't care anymore as loudly as that ad banner does.

Word!!

[wolfsong069]

Why I don't support this site:
It's beyond insulting to see "Christian single dating" ads on this site.
Nothing says we just don't care anymore as loudly as that ad banner does.

I didn't see that banner yet but I am assuming that this is for straight Christian singles and not gay ones. If that is the case I am in agreement with you. I suppose on the other side of the argument (and I am completely aware of it) is that I am enjoying the benefits of this site for free. I have been for years now. Perhaps if I was supporting it there wouldn't need to be a Christian Singles Dating ad. Here is where the impasse is located. I am not going to pay (double because I include the cost for my wife) for this as it is now. I am all for rolling up my sleeves and HELPING (see helping, not taking over complete and sole responsibility) to ressurect the community...but I'm still not about to care for it more than the leadership (half of which, by the way, has migrated and participating on the other site)

[Dean Ga]

So I was thinking... I will return to reply to this thread...

[wolfsong069]

Alrighty then I saw the banner ads......not just Christian singles, but Albanian and Be Naughty too.....and from all appearences HETERO. Well I would say the only way this could be one-upped is if they sold space to the Westboro Baptist Church

[1shyme]

I'm thinking I must be blind cause I cant see this banner!

[wolfsong069]

I'm thinking I must be blind cause I cant see this banner!

They were the little square ads to the right of the posts. I think different ones randomly pop up as you go through the site.

[Toughy]

If you download Adblock Plus (it's an app...you can get it at chrome I think) you will not get those annoying banner ads across the top and in posts. Unless something has changed the ads are a streaming kind of thing that is an all or nothing deal for admin. It generates money for the site if folks click on the ads.....at least I think that is how it works..

dang wolf............wondered what happened to you...

[wolfsong069]

If you download Adblock Plus (it's an app...you can get it at chrome I think) you will not get those annoying banner ads across the top and in posts. Unless something has changed the ads are a streaming kind of thing that is an all or nothing deal for admin. It generates money for the site if folks click on the ads.....at least I think that is how it works..

dang wolf............wondered what happened to you...

Hey Toughy! Thought about you too.... how ya been? I think you are likely right about the ads but I would think there would be a more intelligent mix of them (like the one on your previous post now is for some computer system maintenance that people should not click on). I've seen 3-4 of these Hetero dating ads now and I am guessing if people DO click on the ads it's because they ASSUME that this is a gay site so they should be gay businesses (I realize this applies to dating only unless someone is on a quest to support gay owned businesses only)

Thanks for the advice about how to block them but I personally won't (just like I don't put people on ignore). Think about it. It defeats the purpose of having the stupid ads. If they generate money for the site when people click on them and everyone goes and blocks them then what? Besides some of them may prove usefull. Ya gotta admit it's kind of lame to have Hetero dating ads here.

[scubadyke]

Hey Toughy! Thought about you too.... how ya been? I think you are likely right about the ads but I would think there would be a more intelligent mix of them (like the one on your previous post now is for some computer system maintenance that people should not click on). I've seen 3-4 of these Hetero dating ads now and I am guessing if people DO click on the ads it's because they ASSUME that this is a gay site so they should be gay businesses (I realize this applies to dating only unless someone is on a quest to support gay owned businesses only)

Thanks for the advice about how to block them but I personally won't (just like I don't put people on ignore). Think about it. It defeats the purpose of having the stupid ads. If they generate money for the site when people click on them and everyone goes and blocks them then what? Besides some of them may prove usefull. Ya gotta admit it's kind of lame to have Hetero dating ads here.

Agree...it is very lame and you are right, plug-ins that prevent these ADs are great but it defeats the purpose of raising money. I don't click on them. Not only because they don't interest me but because some sites will download and install icky things like adware, keystroke loggers, viruses. If they manage to snag your personal information you also end up on mailing lists etc... It's just not a safe thing to do. Other sites do just fine financially without these and I'm not inundated by things are care nothing about.

[Toughy]

I'm good wolf.....I turn 60 in June so I am trying to figure that out. My oldest great nephew is getting married this summer in New Mexico and I am going....he is 21........
*Hope your family is doing well.
....laughin.....I'm not defending those stupid ads at all. I didn't like it when they first popped up and still don't like them. I hate TV commercials and turn down the sound when they come on. I'm an advertisers worst nightmare....I love ADP! I believe there is some thread about those lame ass ads. A lot of them are misogynist and sexist and ______....doesn't seem right those ads would be force-feed to us.......blah blah blah......

[wolfsong069]

Not only because they don't interest me but because some sites will download and install icky things like adware, keystroke loggers, viruses. If they manage to snag your personal information you also end up on mailing lists etc... It's just not a safe thing to do. Other sites do just fine financially without these and I'm not inundated by things are care nothing about.

You are 100% correct on that. You even have to be vigilant on Facebook when you are asked to click "Like" on something that you may actually like often times compromise your personal security. I had even heard a news report this morning that most people do not take advantage of Facebook security options and lose personal info there (like the gut this week that had a Best Buy employee "fix" his cell phone. The employee went on to the guy's Facebook page from the phone app and announced that the guy was gay. The bottom line is what it has always been, look before you click. I have this past year taken over web site management for a friend's company and know exactly what things cost or don't cost and how to get the most bang out of a shrinking buck.

I'm good wolf.....I turn 60 in June so I am trying to figure that out. My oldest great nephew is getting married this summer in New Mexico and I am going....he is 21........
*Hope your family is doing well.....laughin.....I'm not defending those stupid ads at all. I didn't like it when they first popped up and still don't like them. I hate TV commercials and turn down the sound when they come on. I'm an advertisers worst nightmare....I love ADP! I believe there is some thread about those lame ass ads. A lot of them are misogynist and sexist and ______....doesn't seem right those ads would be force-feed to us.......blah blah blah......

I can't believe 60. You got a lot of living in front of you my friend and if I know you at all you will do it with all the drive and vigor I've seen from you over the years. Family is good. Still married, going on 10 years this year. It is the year that I had always feared the most (seems like most of the strong steady couples I've known crash and burn at 10 years) but I think we are going to continue going strong right on through it to 11 and beyond. Since I've talked to you last we've grown by 4 nephews and 3 nieces. Most recently the twins, Hollie Ann and Ava Lee, who were born about 3 weeks ago. We are getting ready to burrow in for the next few weeks until that stupid NATO summit gets the hell out of Chicago. Protestors do not simply protest anymore and folks around here are a little nervous. Other than that Andi is still a travelling nurse and I am still a project manager. Andi asked that I give you her best wishes.


I have a very good friend that started a group for homosexuals and allies that have been hurt in some way, shape, or form by a/the Christian church and wanted to reconcile a relationship with God and explore their faith. Andi and I agreed to help facilitate the group meetings. I have to tell you that it was very difficult sitting there week after week hearing the stories and seeing how broken and wounded these people were. Understanding that this was a faith that they desired to have and were fearful of being hurt again and NEEDED to heal. After about 6 weeks I met my friend for coffee and we discussed the future of the group. To make a very long story short, she was NOT prepared to have so many people needing her leadership and not trained properly for the emotional support and healing that they needed. They needed something that none of us were prepared to give. The responsibility scared us. It scared my friend too. In the end she disbanded the group because it was far more than she thought it would be.

I tell that story because I see parallels here with B-f. Not because people here are broken and need help (although some of them are and do) but because the people that come here have come to rely on this community for support and friendship. This is a place that many people call home. For a few, this is their only safe social interaction. I say what about them? I say make a choice...lead, follow, or give it up to someone who will. You can't tell people that this is a community, make them believe it, let them develop relationships and care about each other, and then when it isn't quite the cash cow that was expected all but abandoned it. You cannot, as a community leader, publicly state when people criticize what they perceive as a lack of caring, that you have other things to do and that this isn't your life. Nobody expects it to be a life. People DO expect that their "Mayor" gives two shits. This by no means is all the admin's fault, but they are darn sure the one who takes all the blame. *Shrugs......this is the way it is yes? I also hold in contempt those that wanted to be close to the Admin simply for the "celebrity" of hanging with the cool kids, and then abandoned ship leaving the passengers behind for the next best party. This community has been here a long time and is deserving of rejuvination. These are decent people that will pitch in when asked when it makes sense to do so. Just tell them where your going and what you need to get there.

[Toughy]

Hey back to Andi. You are right..it's usually around 10-11 yrs that seems to be a hurdle to get past. I figure you guys will make it. It's a good thing your family is growing. I have 10 great nephews/nieces with the oldest getting married and graduating from college and the youngest is crawling and trying to take his first steps. I get back there at least once a year for a couple of weeks.

I guess there are 3 butch/femme websites based in the US now. People can and will find a place that fits their needs IF they go in with an open mind and heart. I am amazed at the bad feelings that still exist. I see people here trashing one of the other b/f sites and holding on to all those bad feelings that were created before, during and after the great blow-up. It's a shame because folks have to let go of that stuff and move on. There are few places for b/f folks and the need is great. This site is a mess because it's not well maintained. Chat is messed up half the time. But because folks hold on to old stuff they are missing an opportunity to chat on another site. The Planet has an active chat room as well as active forums and you would recognize/find old friends there. And some folks just chat, some just post in the forum and some do both....just like it used to be here. I actually rarely come to this site....maybe I check it once a month and I'm glad I do check it because I find old friends once in a while.

I'm not sure how long this site will last. Christine does not seem to care much about it. Something was changed in the last couple of weeks because there is new stuff on the home page.....stuff about all the women's events that are happening around SF Pride. I guess Christine is still helping produce Eden. There were some other changes made that in my mind fucked up the site. I can't find the log in thing, there is only a quick reply button, posting is different and something is gone from the home page but I can't figure out what it is. Stuff is not loading right, the colors are different again. There has been no explanation of anything. It is obvious the site is not a priority for her anymore and has not been for a long time.

I just hope she archived all this and I wish she would give it to one of the LGBTQ historical groups. There is much history that needs to be preserved. Much history will be lost if she does not....has not....archived all this. There is 15+ years of butch/femme/trans dialogue....it is an amazing resource. Who knows what will happen, but I do agree with you that it's a damn shame if it's all lost.

[wolfsong069]

I just hope she archived all this and I wish she would give it to one of the LGBTQ historical groups. There is much history that needs to be preserved. Much history will be lost if she does not....has not....archived all this. There is 15+ years of butch/femme/trans dialogue....it is an amazing resource. Who knows what will happen, but I do agree with you that it's a damn shame if it's all lost.

There are people here who have passed away and quite a bit of what they had to say is right here. I hope if the PTB are reading this they let that sink in a minute.

I have looked over the other site and saw the clone of this in it's heyday. I was amazed that not only almost everyone moved over there en masse and picked right up where they left off, there are tons of people that had been banned from here or left in a huff for one reason or another. Names that I hadn't even thought about in years. So then they have obviously found a way to co-exist. That should leave you hopeful above those that cannot leave the past in the past. I don't blame any of the members. What do you do when the neighborhood you live in declines? People move. They moved. I did not move (although I do not participate much anymore) I believe in fixing things and maintaining them rather then throwing them out. It is clear that this site is not a priority, and has not been, since the great divide. It is the less-affluent and unwanted step-sibling to the money-making Bf Matchmaker.

Oh well I managed to have not gotten banned (although I think I did get a 2 week vacation a long time ago for some stupid argument with someone) though I pull the devil's tail on occasion. I try to be respectful even when my criticisms are on the pointed side. This is one of those times. I hope Christine will do the right thing and sell or give the website to someone that does want to manage it and grow the community or donate the archives off as you said. To those of you that are bashing the other site don't. The people there once loved it here, nobody left because they wanted to. We were a community and those people left to try and preserve that when they realized that it was not going to happen here. What are we trying to build if not a community?

[Toughy]

One has to have the power in order to fix things. None of us has that power. I do believe there is room for all the websites. They all fit a need for the folks who frequent them. As to Matchmaker or any other of the dating sites, I don't use them and actually never did use them. All 3 of the sites look the same except for color differences...I guess it's the same software or what ever you call this stuff. If things (website, people, etc) do not change and/or grow, it will just shrivel up and blow away.

Some of those folks banned from here ended up banned from the Planet, some did not. Some folks are just asshats and will not change. I guess the newest one is not going to ban anyone.....we will see how that works.....laughin...

Anyway, it's good to see an old, friendly face. And now that we have solved the problems in the world....well this website....I need to get my butt in the shower and go to the local neighborhood garden/nursery store and find some pretty flowers for the deck and maybe a heirloom tomato or two, new herbs....spring has sprung....I have to dig out my summer clothes as it's going to push 80 today!!!

(say NO to box stores like Home Depot, Lowes, Wall Mart, etc)