Does distance make the heart grow fonder?

[SlimsTwin]

Ok, so Ive recently met an amazing girl. She's beautiful, intellegent, spontaneous, amazingly sexual, and not to mention perfect for me. I met her here at butch-femme and just met her in person this weekend. This could be a problem because she's beyond what I could ever imaging having for my own and I think I could really fall for her, but she lives in San Diego and I live in Baltimore. We are completely on oppsite sides of the country and yet totally attracted to each other!
Someone please tell me you've been through this and it has worked out, or at least tell me I'm crazy and I should give up onany hope of things working out.

Slim needs help!

[BCtboi]

hey dude.

my thoughts are: the only way a long distance relationship will ever work out is if both parties are willing to put a lot of time, money and effort into it. if you two care about each other enough, there are ways to make it work.

you two should both (if you haven't already) have a talk about what you each want from a relationship, and go from there. one of you has to be willing to move eventually. i don't think that its possible to have a long term relationship if you are permanently away from each other.

i hope that made sense. good luck man.

bC

[SlimsTwin]

Thanks BC.
We have had the talk about moving but as you an guess it's complicated since we're like 3000 miles away. I guess one of us would just have to make that drastically huge step!

[BCtboi]

when/if one of you does move, make sure that you have some sort of safety net. ie savings for a plane ticket back home. i'm not saying that you'll need it, but things are very different when you live together f/t...just keep all possibilities in mind =)

BC

[SlimsTwin]

Yeah things could get messy, but if they did I'd definetly have a backup. Thanks for watchin my back.

[BCtboi]

no problem dude...i was stuck in AZ for a year with no id/money after our relationship went to hell...it took me a long ass time (not to mention some border smuggling) to get me back home. i would never wish that upon anyone.

BC

[SlimsTwin]

Damn that sucks! Glad to hear you got away though.
I'm trying not to think of all the shit that could go wrong. Ya know they say love is blind....I'm not trying to use that word to early and all, but you get the picture.

[tigressStriped]

Slim.. i wish u two the best... im in MD too Annapolis actually.. but i was in Bmore.. i know alot of the people up there.. anyways..

i have a question actually for u BC... about u coming to the states... did u just come down to visit and stay?? My boi is in Canada.. and actually we are thinking of doing the borders thing.. we live on the canada side of the border.. i work stateside.. she works canada side.. dunno.. all i know is that i hate borders right now lol... so for the time that u were here.. how did that work?

Also... slim... I have moved cross country three times.. (im kinda a gypsy lol) and it is VERY expensive.. i say.. if u can avoid driving.. then do... fly and ship stuff via amtrak ... much cheaper.. also.. def. have something going wherever you end up.. ie: job.. or at least interviews for when u get there etc... or same goes for her.. don't get in a situation where u are dependant on the person u are going to... im sure it would just add alot of stress to the situation in which u are all of a sudden around eachother all the time anyways... just my .02...

take care...

BC.. if u have any ideas or info.. maybe u could pm me??

~Shan

[tigressStriped]

btw.. lol..

fuck distance... its a pain in the ass... i dunno if it makes the heart fonder... it just makes me impatient as shit... my heart was about as fond of hym as i could take it the first time i looked into hys eyes ... and that didn't have anything to do w/ distance.

~Shan

[SlimsTwin]

Never done the long distance thing before, but she makes me want to try!

[CalifBadBoy03]

Hey Slims.....

I met my girl here on b/f a over 2 yrs ago....I live in Calif, and she lives in Pa....about the same distance as you and your girl.....Its hard at times but it is possible if its meant to be....We flew to see eachother alot, call eachother every day, and have made it work.....We did this for over a yr. In March she moved here to Calif, but due to the job market and her career it wasnt promising, the job she left in Pa offered her a position back that she couldnt pass up, so we discussed it, and decided I would move....She moved back to Pa in August, we basically went back to the long distance thing.....Now I am in the process of moving there, and will be relocating at the end of April.....I flew back last wkend and we moved into our new house in WV......

So, is it possible to make long distance work, it sure is--and personally I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world......Our relationship is amazing and amazes me each and every day...I truly count my blessings for how fortunate I have been to find my once in a lifetime true love....

Also a major key in making it work, is romance through the distance, honesty, trust and alot of communication....
Good luck on your long distance journey......

[SlimsTwin]

Damn Badboy!
That's just what i wanted to hear, that it can work! I'm glad it worked for you guys and i can only hope it will work for me. Your story is a sort of inspiration now, thanks!

[CalifBadBoy03]

No problem Slims...I like to hear positive stories myself on how relationships work through the miles etc.....I am a sappy kinda guy like that....

If you ever need a supporting ear < so to speak > feel free to pm me anytime.....and remember is is possible to have a healthy, loving, nurturing relationship long distance....There are many on this site that have proven just that......

Again, best of luck to you and your S.D Girl

[SlimsTwin]

Thanks again Badboy. I'm feeling a little better about the situation, and me and my girl have talked more about the whole moving thing. I think things will work themselves out and if they don't then i guess it wasn't meant to be...but i'm hoping that it is. She so amazing...damn wish me luck!

[juncus]

The Buddhists teach that there is no "try" there is only "do" or "not do." Don't you agree --distance does not make people incompatable, but it could make a good excuse to end a relationship if the person ending it can't or won't articulate the real reason....

I LOVE my LDR because my BOI is the reward for all my waiting slow.

[cocoabutch]

Originally posted by SlimsTwin
Damn Badboy!
That's just what i wanted to hear, that it can work! I'm glad it worked for you guys and i can only hope it will work for me. Your story is a sort of inspiration now, thanks!

I agree.... It is an inspiration. I am doing the long distance thing too. It is nice to hear that it can work out for the positive.

JJ

[SlimsTwin]

If the distance wasn't so great I think it wouldn't be so hard. She's been talking about moving here and I hope she's serious. I haven't wanted to settle down with anyone in a long time but she makes me want to and she makes me want to be monogamous with her.
What to do, What to do?

[sports44]

Hey Slim, glad to see you are doin okay. Thought you fell off the earth. Congrats on finding someone to love. A lot of people mistake love for lust. Make sure it is love and not just lust though. I am surprise you wouldn't want to try Cali. A lot warmer then B'more. Anywho, don't rush anything. If you were meant to be then all will work out. You should set a time goal, and if you two are still doing awesome by the time goal you set then maybe then you should consider moving. You will never know unless you try. You don't want a good thing to slip through your hands.

[SlimsTwin]

Thanks! How are things?
I haven't heard from you in awhile...thought you were the one who fell of the face of the earth!
I'm taking things one step at a time, no need to rush things!
Call me sometime.

Peace

[tigressStriped]

I hate distance... just really had to say that again... I am anxious for the day that the only distance will be when we go to work... or the distance it is between the bedroom and the kitchen... or... the distance between hym goin to see hy friends.. but that distance.. that gap... is closed everynight... and this distance... has 2 mos to go still before it gets closed... *sigh*
I really hate distance...


~Shannon

[demon_faery]

well.. i think i met the person that im almost positive im supposed to be with, on here.... but she is in NC and I am in KC. I've never been in an LDR and to tell you the truth.. im terrified. Shes comin here in a few weeks and i cant wait and i know that we can make it work....
she is a lot more positive that we'll be okay. Not than i'm not... im just scared. but she is sooo sweet about everything, telling me that im fine and we'll be fine. I have a lot of faith in us considering the way we feel about eachother. maybe its just a little hard to take in because i do wanna give her more than ive given anyone else....... ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
When ya'll started your relationships, did you have these fears.... i would love to know about all this...
thanks

[SlimsTwin]

Demon

How long have you guys been dating? If you live in KC and she lives in NC did you guys do the long distance thing for awhile? So when you said she's coming there did you mena she is moving? I'd like to know more about your situation.

Slim

[Osiris]

It can.. but there are catches. The relationship must have true possibilities. There must be no one else in the romantic picture on either side. The financial realism must be looked at..can you both afford to spend realistic time together.. often enough to sustain the relationship?

If most of your answers to these questions are negative ones..then there are issues.

[JstAButch]

I know with my girl living in Colorado and me living in Indiana...... Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn does it make it hard.... But we have an awesome relationship. We talk about everything and that's important that we keep the line of communication open...... Trust is another huge thing........So yeah I'd have to say that I miss her more and more everyday. And I can not wait till she lives with me here

[demon_faery]

we havent been dating for long at all. I have so much hope for this relationship and i know she does as well. We talk all the time and shes just coming to visit in a few weeks. This whole situation makes me nervous, is that normal? i would think it would be.
i know that this whole LDR situation is so new to me.... and my feelings for her are really strong, so i know we can make this work. I have huge trust issues with everyone, and with her.. i really dont.
It just freaks me out.
We talk about everything and when i do start to get nervous and scared that the distance is going to be the killer of our relationship, shes really good about making me feel better.
Its just so new......

[SlimsTwin]

demon

Just wanted to say that it sounds like we're in similar boats. I met my girl on butch/femme. I started talking to her like everyday, even 3-4 times a day, for like a little over a month and we always joked about her flying to visit...until.
One day she said she would! She got a ticket ad flew from Cali to Maryland just to see me, and do you think I was nervous...Fuck Yeah!
It got even worse when I was at the airport waiting for her to walk out the gate, and when I saw her I got all flustered. I was probably blushing from head to toe.
But for real, because we had been talking for so long it was like we already knew each other, the only thing left to do was see each other in person. Just to give you a little hope we had the best weekend together and felt totally comfortable with each other, like we had known each other for years.
There's no doubt you and your girl will hit if off! Just let me know how it goes. I'm always down for a story about long distance hope.

Slim

[Meghanna]

I'm always down for a story about long distance hope...


I just recently met the most wonderful butch on Butch-Femme... we talk everday for a few hours and email eachother like crazy. I have done the LDR before twice... one time worked out for a while, the other time ended sadly. But I know that I am an honest person and that I value communication... and my butch does to. I was reluctant about entering into another LDR, but she was very casual and let me know that to her distance means very little... if two people have a connection and can articulate their thoughts and feelings then an LDR can be very successful and rewarding. And its great because there is no big rush on getting to know eachother. There is something about spending time talking and listening versus groping and grunting (lol) that really makes me feel like we are bonding in a very special way.
I like reading about other people and their positive experiences with LDR.... keep posting everyone!

[501's]

Nope, distance SUX
sorry

[demon_faery]

i love hearing about peoples success stories.
Its very refreshing.
When it comes to us, we talk all the time.. about everything and im coming to realize that the distance doesnt matter.
we are going to know so much about eachother.... and youre right meghanna... spending time talking and getting to know eachother is a lot more important than grunting and groping *lol* as you said and congrats on meeting someone amazing
i have faith in this and keep telling awesome stories its sooo nice to read

[Meghanna]

I am pleased to post an update on my LDR with my fabulous butch.... in April she is driving all the way from Chicago to NH to spend a week with me. It amazes me that she views the distance as a paltry obstacle... and it is good to know I am worth every mile. 1107 miles to be exact. The conversations we have eachday bring us closer. The communication is incrediable, things I never thought I could talk about, she listens to and validates.
I would like to say something about LDR.. in retrospect it seems that opposites attract. A good friend of mine once told me that eventually 'like seeks like'. And its so true... I have always been a very trusting person, and incrediably faithful. Cheating is beyond my capabilities. And now I have found a wonderful butch that cringes at the thought of cheating. Our morals are so in synch, and it makes me smile.

[SlimsTwin]

Ok,is it me or do all the cute single Femmes live in either California or Mass. ?

[ufeelmeyet]

I think BCt gave a lot of great advice.....

Personally, I think a long distance relationship will take much, much more time, effort, patience, work and trust than a, hmm what I will call a "normal" relationship would.

Obviously, someone will have to MOVE. The ultimate goal in a relationship I would think would be to move in and live a normal life with that person forever. Who's going to move? Who has the better job? Who has kids in school? Will there be regrets about leaving a job? About leaving family? About leaving friends? About leaving your entire LIFE that you took your lifetime to establish? Will there be resentment? (you say NO NOW, because you're in la-la land and you're in the honeymoon stage, but will there be resentment in the future? Will it slowly but surely come out?)

And then hell you move in and REALLY find out what each other is all about. The honeymoon does NOT last forever......so you just moved 3,000 miles, left your established life behind, left your good job behind, left your friends behind, left your family behind, left your FUTURE behind for what? For someone that you thought would be your FUTURE and for someone that you thought would make everything perfect in your life. Someone can't make everything PERFECT in your life. Moving 3,000 miles won't make everything PERFECT in your life.

Only You can attempt to make your life PERFECT! Moving 3,000 miles, I don't think is necessary to accomplish that goal.

Sure, there are going to be success stories with long distance relationships...there are success stories with EVERYTHING, but I'd be willing to bet that the majority of long distance relationships DO NOT work out....even after the people choose to make the move and begin to reside with one another. And believe me, I only bet when I'm fairly certain that I'll win ;-)

Why am I so certain? Because we see the proof EVERYDAY.
You want proof? Just look at this sight, I'm fairly new to this sight, but I'm sure if you've been around here sometime you know that ms. A in IL has been with Mr. B In FL and then they broke up and now ms. A is with Mr. C in Ca. and Mr. B is with ms. D in Ut. and then that doesn't work out and 3 weeks later ms. D is with Mr. B and mr. C is with ms. Z in PA. etc, etc. you get my point. (Keep in mind I am NOT posting this response about ANYONE in particular on this site, hence the A,B,C, etc. If I was referring to YOU personally, I assure you, I would address you by name.)

Look at this website. Look at aol. Have you ever read peoples' profiles? One day they are in love with A and then 2 months later they are in love with C and then 3 weeks later they are in love with H. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT???? Do people REALLY know what love is nowadays? It's ridiculous and when I see that I just shake my head and thank GOD that I'm not like that.

People can read this post and try to bash me if they want, but the truth of the matter is YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I SAY IS TRUE. It is, we've all seen it since wayyyyy back when aol got sooo popular. I use to find it amusing, now I find it sad.

Anyway....back to the main topic.

Have I ever moved for a woman? No
Would I have moved for a woman? Perhaps
Would I NOW move for a woman? Not a chance in hell
Am I single? Yes
Is it because I won't move for a woman? I sincerely doubt it.
Will I be single forever? I certainly hope not.
Is moving across the country necessary for me to be in a loving, committed relationship? I don't think so.


Ok I am done rambling on now. Fire away :-)

[ufeelmeyet]

Originally posted by SlimsTwin
Ok,is it me or do all the cute single Femmes live in either California or Mass. ?

lmao I've noticed that over the years too.

[chosetodance]

Originally posted by juncus
The Buddhists teach that there is no "try" there is only "do" or "not do." Don't you agree --distance does not make people incompatable, but it could make a good excuse to end a relationship if the person ending it can't or won't articulate the real reason....

and yoda said this too...... i love me some yoda!!!!

try not.
do.
or do not.
there is no try.

[tigressStriped]

Originally posted by SlimsTwin
Ok,is it me or do all the cute single Femmes live in either California or Mass. ?

awww poor slim

lol.. there are a ton of cute femmes in MD... but most of us are taken lol...

i think the ratio of butches to femmes out here is like 3-1... so it is easier to find a single butch than a single femme lol..

but we are still cute lol

~S

[squidge63]

I have been in a long distance relationship for nearly 2 years now. I live in the UK and my wife lives in Nova Scotia Canada, it is hard being that distance apart, but we manage even through the hard times when i couldnt get over last year. Astrea62 came over here, i am hoping to get over to Canada in May. It helps having a webcam as we can see eachother and speak online and on the phone. Alot of my friends say how can you cope with a relationship like that.. I switch off when we are apart, i cant explain it, but to cope i flick a switch and go into a hibernate mode, until we are together again, and the switch is flicked back to serious shag mode...lol, and back to normal.

[Astrea62]

Originally posted by squidge63
I have been in a long distance relationship for nearly 2 years now. I live in the UK and my wife lives in Nova Scotia Canada, it is hard being that distance apart, but we manage even through the hard times when i couldnt get over last year. Astrea62 came over here, i am hoping to get over to Canada in May. It helps having a webcam as we can see eachother and speak online and on the phone. Alot of my friends say how can you cope with a relationship like that.. I switch off when we are apart, i cant explain it, but to cope i flick a switch and go into a hibernate mode, until we are together again, and the switch is flicked back to serious shag mode...lol, and back to normal.

Mmmmmmmmmmm.........serious shag mode..............IS IT MAY YET?????
Love ya my baby.............ready to flick that switch

[juncus]

On the lighter side...

The only down side of this relationship is that we travel three hours each way by car; no air service possible, so no frequent flier miles...*s*. On the up, we can do business on our respective trips, so there is a bit of a tax incentive to visit frequently *s*

But hey, I'd walk a million miles for one of hys smiles...

[Ravenouss]

Originally posted by SlimsTwin
Ok, so Ive recently met an amazing girl. She's beautiful, intellegent, spontaneous, amazingly sexual, and not to mention perfect for me. I met her here at butch-femme and just met her in person this weekend. This could be a problem because she's beyond what I could ever imaging having for my own and I think I could really fall for her, but she lives in San Diego and I live in Baltimore. We are completely on oppsite sides of the country and yet totally attracted to each other!
Someone please tell me you've been through this and it has worked out, or at least tell me I'm crazy and I should give up onany hope of things working out.

Slim needs help!

I used to do that in my old life. Moved more than gossip to follow women that where “more than perfect” for me. It screws your career, you never build a retirement fund and you never have anything of your own.

Not to mention you end up dependent of someone. If you do it, make sure nobody else depends on your for their economic survival because you will screw yourself and others.

Like BCtboi said, make sure you have a return plane ticket. Love looks better from far away, but when you have to work on everyday issues and you figure out you aren’t interested in that, you will find yourself out of love, out of a job, out of whatever you owned before, out of savings and bitter.

I heard too many horror stories and lived a few of my own. You will find that “Beautiful, intelligent, spontaneous, amazingly sexual and not to mention perfect” actually growth on trees…

If this is the one, it will be the one. No need to commit yourself a week after you met her.

Actually, I would see it as a red flag the size of the American flag on the Capitol's pole. Constrain requires a certain degree of mental stability, but who am I to say? If it works for you... go for it!

Just my two cents

Ravenouss

[Meghanna]

Just wanted to post an update, My wonderful boi drove from Chicago to New Hampshire to spend a week with me. It was fabulous, we are in no rush. We had a great week, talked, walked, played card games and watched DVDs together. It was sad when she drove away, but we will see each other again soon. The distance is about 1,100 miles... but it seems like nothing when you make a connection with someone. I have my job and College to keep me busy until we next see each other.... so far so good. We are just going to take it one step at a time. I know there are alot of negative views towards long distance relationships... in my mind though, if you are willing to put out the effort, you will get back positive results.