Multiple Personality

[Jasmine Sense]

What would you do if you found out your lover/friend/or someone close to you has multipule personality disorder?

I pose this question because I, myself suffer from it. As soon as I get insurance I will be seeking help in learning to move all personalities into one. I never know when they will take over sometimes. It usually happens when something really stressful happens to me.

It is hard to make friend or I should say keep them because once they find out they become afraid and move away. I think that is sad, in my eyes they should learn more about it and how to help someone. So that is why I pose this question to you all.

Jasmine

[Jasmine Sense]

I'm thinking this is a touchy subject, since there is only 7 views and no replies (this doesn't count). It is sad to see that, although I know I only posted this yesterday. I am pretty sure this board is very active.

I'll give it time and watch a subject that is important die.

Jasmine

[Andrea]

I haven't replied because I don't know what I'd do. What I know about multiple personatlity disorder comes from that Sally Field movie. I guess I'd just give it time and stay that person's friend, unless I discovered thet one of the personalities was a violent one that could cause me harm.

[dragon]

Well, I wouldn't DO anything... I'd continue to be there for this lover/friend/or "someone close" and try to learn about how the illness affects them. As far as I know, I've never known anyone with MPD. Hope this helps you Jasmine Sense. :)

[Bonnie314]

I wouldn’t have an issue with a friend with MPD as long as I knew so that I would understand what was happening if my friend suddenly changed. A lover is a different story though. I was involved with someone with a dissociative disorder. She was totally up front about it, telling me on our second date. At the time I thought she seemed so normal that it was no big deal. After several months she got really stressed out and started having problems. Then she started drinking heavily to try to mask her symptoms which messed up her meds and it was all a big downward spiral. Today if a date told me about having a dissociative disorder or MPD I would probably relegate hym to the just friends category. Before I got burned I would have thought that was a cruel and judgmental thing to say. Now, well, maybe it is, but I know what my limits are.

[Jasmine Sense]

Bonnie - You are honest with your feelings and that is what I am looking for. I agree being in love with someone who has DID/MPD is hard. You can't know who you are talking to all the time.


Dragon - It is nice to see there is at least one person, if they had a lover with DID/MPD that would learn all they can to know how to help if it is needed. Sometimes "we" need a strong person on our side to help us through the tough times.


Andrea - I see where you are coming from too. For me, my personalities can be harmful, but only to myself. As far as I know they never tried to harm anyone else. I like your honestity.

[Jinx]

Let me got back to you on this. Cause I need a cup of coffee to wake up in order to write what I am thinking and feeling about this subject.

[Jinx]

Ok now that I have given this some thought. In answer to your question Jasmine. I feel that I personally would like for that person to tell me about it, and from there I would try to find out more about the disorder and try to be understanding about it. Now with that said I had to look into my past to 2 people that I know that have it. One did not tell me and when she switched it like freaked me out cause I couldn't figure out what was going on. The other did tell and I was able to say ok she is in another personality. It was easy enough to deal with and to go on from there. How ever I can understand where you are coming from though. Just remiember that if they are your true friends they will not hold that agaisnt you but possibly help you in what ever way they can.

[Jasmine Sense]

Originally posted by Jinx
Ok now that I have given this some thought. In answer to your question Jasmine. I feel that I personally would like for that person to tell me about it, and from there I would try to find out more about the disorder and try to be understanding about it. Now with that said I had to look into my past to 2 people that I know that have it. One did not tell me and when she switched it like freaked me out cause I couldn't figure out what was going on. The other did tell and I was able to say ok she is in another personality. It was easy enough to deal with and to go on from there. How ever I can understand where you are coming from though. Just remiember that if they are your true friends they will not hold that agaisnt you but possibly help you in what ever way they can.


Jinx,

I totally agree with you. Whenever I meet someone weither the be friends or a lover, I tell them straight our about my DID. I also tell them that if they don't want to be around it I understand. These days it doesn't bother me if someone can't/or don't want to be around it, because it can be frighting. When I was younger it hurt me, but I am who I am and if people can't take me for that, then I am better off without them. So yes you are right you know who your true friends are when they are put to the test of having to deal with a different personality if one comes out.

Jasmine

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

Jasmine;

It's so funny that you started this thread, because I came here specifically looking to read a thread on this very topic and didn't think I'd actually find one!

Anyhoo, my sweetie, love of my life, my soulmate, has MPD. She was severely and repeatedly abused (sexually) from age 4 to 9 or 10 years old, and as a result she "split" and has 3 others aside from her main identity. She told me about this early on when we got together and while I was a little freaked out at first, I've become accustomed to it and it doesn't affect her life, negatively, really, so we deal okay.

Two of her three "others" are not around much at all. One I've never seen, my GF thinks she might be gone for good, the other is very young and not very verbal when she does show up.. she mainly just wants comfort. She took a long time to be able to trust me, but now she does, and she just comes out once in a blue moon. The other is a male, which is interestingly enough, lots of fun for me, something I never thought I'd say when I first "met" him. ;-)

The male (Chris) has always been her protector, and when we first got together and she told me about her MPD and I reacted with openness and acceptance, I saw a lot of him.. he was scoping me out to see what my intentions were with her. He was also playing the big bad ass trying to intimidate me into *not* messing with her. I set him straight quickly and we actually hit it off quite well. Now he only shows up when she's under a lot of stress or emotional upset, or occasionally just to come out and "play", so to speak... he's very intense, very aggressive (sexually, yay!), with a wicked sense of humor and a serious frustration at the fact that 'he" doesn't have boy parts since he's in "her" body (his words). I think I have him pretty much wrapped around my finger, but she tells me he freaked previous girlfriends out completely. He's a Leo (he has his own birthday completely separate from hers, she's a Gemini), but I'm also a Leo, so I dont' take crap and he knows it. Heh.

All of this is very interesting from the POV of a femme bisexual woman (me) who has chosen to be monogamous & committed to this soft butch/tomboy woman I fell head over heels in love with. I truly have the cliched bisexual "best of both worlds", all in one person! ;-) Even more so 'cuz she's butch, but I digress.

My point is, it's been a manageable issue in our relationship, and in some ways it's even enhanced things a bit. It helps, of course, that I'm a sexual abuse survivor myself, previously educated on the whole topic, and that I have my own issues (dissociative disorder) so I didn't blow her off as being full of bs. Many people do not understand this disorder or worse, don't believe it exists, so it's not something she tells everyone, obviously. She doesn't really have a desire to integrate the personalities since they aren't a ruling factor in her life... and Chris is kind of nice to have around here and there. He has his purpose, that's for sure!

I wanted to thank you for posting this and hope you read the reply.. if you want to talk privately about this sometime that's fine too. I'd love to discuss this issue more at a later date!

Sheri

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

oops, double!

[ShadowWolf]

I dated a woman who *pretended* to have MPD and, because I thought it was for real (what did I know?), I didnt do anything specific .. I just got to know all of her 'personalities' as each one came out and spent time with me - at Christmas, I even bought her different presents for the different personalities ..

I think what I want to say to you is that people who are worth your time will understand and be there for you ..

Take time for you, get help and be honest with those you wish to have a relationship with - whether it be love or friends .. the ones who are worth it will stick it out with you and be there for you ..

Take care

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

SirShadowWolf, I'm curious, how did you figure out she was pretending? Did she tell you or did you find out some other way?

Sheri

[MarthaStewWart]

I once had a friend who had MPD. Her family hospitalized her at one point and blocked all communication, so we eventually lost touch.

What I can say is that she was a wonderful, intelligent, fun person. Because she was up front about the MPD, I understood what was happening when she switched and was able to be supportive and interact positively with whichever alternate was making his or herself known.

It has been about 7 years since we lost touch, and I still think about her, and wonder how she is doing. Every so often, I try to look her up, but I have never been successful. I think her MPD was not an impediment at all to our friendship. In fact it made it more dynamic than most. I am not sure how it would be to have an intimate relationship though. Relationships are hard enough when there are only two people involved. I imagine it would get harder with each additional personality. Maybe not though, Righteous seems pretty darned happy.

[shellies2good4u]

i have had an ex g/f that was diagnosed with multiple personalities (i believe that's not what the technical DSM-4R name is though)... i knew that there were other's inside of her cuz i was with her and around her enough to know and notice when the switch would occur.. i supported her (and still do regarding this) i loved all of her... each of the personalities.. (except one that really was mean and really DID NOT like me).. so, i know that whatever she deals with, i deal with, everyone else around her deals with.. and love her regardless.. she's my ex, but has nothing to do with the other personalities or dealing with any of that..

[ShadowWolf]

Originally posted by RighteousBabe
SirShadowWolf, I'm curious, how did you figure out she was pretending? Did she tell you or did you find out some other way?
Her best friend told me it wasnt true and I could tell by the way she acted that it was not for real ..

Dont get me wrong, it wasnt an act, really, it was more that the 'others' were different facets of her personality, not different personalities themselves - like her bitchy side, her Toppy side, her little girl side, etc - all of these were Becky, but she said they were actually different personalities ..

Also, all of the names were versions of Rebecca - Becca, Rebecca, Becky, little Becky, etc .. they didnt have different names for the different personalities ..

And, with her new gf, she didnt claim to have MPD - just with me ..

Hope that all made sense ..

[Jasmine Sense]

I am glad I did start this thread. See for me I guess only a small part of me wants to intergrade them, but at the same time they are there to cope when I can't.

Let me tell you about mine. There is Baby, she is 5 years old. She calls herself baby, because she can't think of what her name really was. She loves the color red and she thinks I look good in it, weither it be blood or not. She will ask a person if she can color me red, as long as the person says no she will get a red pen and color on paper.

Then there is Tabitha, she is the scariest because she will not talk, you have to force her to talk. She sits in a corner, curled into a ball and rocks. She doesn't like to be touched. She is at least 20 from what people have told me she has said.

Then there is Mayte, she took her name on after I learned Prince married Mayte Garciea (sp?) and I used the name Mayte to role play vampyre games with. She is a freak in bed, (from what past relationships have told me), a real bitch. She always wants to take more then enough sleeping pills, she is the one who has slit my wrists, caused me to be in a mental hospital when I was 13. She is 30 years old, thinks she is the bomb and will not take shit from anyone.

Then there is just lil ol me. They don't butt into my life unless I am under a lot of stress. I thank god that it takes a lot for me to get stressed out. As far as I know they haven't hurt anyone else, although I was told Mayte did chase a guy up some stairs with a fire poker because his girlfriend told me that he provoked Mayte to come out because he didn't believe I had DID.

Anyway, I am interested in everyone's replies. Again please keep them coming.

Jasmine

[fun lovin bad bwoy]

Jasmin...I was totally shocked to log on and find this thread...My G/F (wife) of the last 7 years has got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (mpd) ...she told me about them very early on in the relationship and it didn't bother me at all. She has so many different personalities that i am still getting to meet them. She too has got male personalites although they only come out now and again. The youngest is an infant and i am yet to meet the eldest. One of her personalites died (the feeling she explained is exactly the same as if a close relative to you died) and she went through a long period of grieving. I love my partner dearly and we now have a 4 yr old son (which she birthed). My partner is extremily creative and sometimes gets the help of her inners to achieve great success in life. I love every one of my partners personalities because they are just as much her as she is them....Unlike you jasmin my partner has chosen not to integrate her personalities and treat them all as individuals, this works for her but obviously it wouldn't for every one. Good luck jasmin in what ever path you tread.

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

Damn! I had a whole post typed up and of course this POS computer locked up again. Oh well, it was too long of a post anyway, as usual, and I'm sure this one will be too!

I was just responding to MarthaStewWart's post mainly, about it being tough to be in a relationship with someone with MPD/DID, but also babbling in general to the rest of you because I don't often have an understanding audience on this topic.

Yes, I am supremely happy now, but it *was* tough at first. I had a lot of adjusting to do, and I don't know if it would have been as easy if I had to deal with constant switching all the time, like I did when we first got together. The switching, now, is actually not too frequent at all, even where I sometimes miss Chris, the male alter, and wonder why he's so quiet!
So, I really don't feel as if I'm in a relationship with 3 people (or 4 if you count the silent one I've never met, and don't care to from what I've been told)... it is mostly just my girl's "main" personality, her original self, and while the others shape her and are of course all part of her even when they aren't *present*, the switching doesn't happen enough to make me feel like my head is spinning or anything like that.

Jasmine, my GF has one like yours, who just rocks and curls up in a fetal position. Her name is Sara, and she's 4, which is when the abuse started. At first she would just rock and cry and curl up so tight that I felt really helpless.. she was very scared and wouldn't even look at me. Now she'll let me comfort her, she'll look at me and even speak a little but she's still very sad and afraid. I'm a mom of 2 kids biologically, so the maternal instinct just kicks in with her and I just reassure her that she's safe and no one can hurt her anymore, and she really seems to trust me now. She doesn't stay out for long, about 5 minutes seems to be her limit.

Chris, who I talked about in my first post, is the only one I deal with frequently enough to feel like I "know" him. It's really fascinating, to me, that there's this whole other person living inside my love's head! I had some suspicions at first that she might just be making this all up, but it didn't take long for me to be convinced; if she had acting skills of THAT magnitude, she'd deserve an Oscar!!

It's just so trippy, really.. he has his own likes and dislikes, his own facial expressions, his voice is completely different, he's left handed (she's right handed), he likes beer (she hates it), he's jealous and possessive at times, he has his own food preferences, his own handwriting, his own strengths, etc. He's 23 ("born" when she was 4, she's 27), physically much stronger than her, and in so many ways a "typical guy" to the point that I'm rolling my eyes and thankful that I no longer live with a bio male anymore! I also remind him often that he does not have a dick, a fact he seems to forget. He doesn't like some of my friends (friends that she loves), and he makes lewd comments that she'd NEVER make. Not that she's not capable of lewdness, but these are just such *guy* things to say. ;-) He also ogles other women, blatantly, or at least he used to before I got pissy about it.

Chris is the only one who communicates with her directly, inside her head. Sometimes I'll say something and she'll have a response from him, for me, usually some suggestive comment or smart assed remark. Sometimes she'll say outloud "Shutup, dumbass!", talking to him, in response to some "funny" thing he's said. She thinks he's an ass, but she also knows he's there to protect her, and aside from freaking people out, he doesn't get her in trouble, though in the beginning she was apologizing for him quite a bit with me, before he and I worked out our issues on our own when he was "here" with me.

The third one has no name and has never come out since I've known my GF (8 months now, but we've only been together romantically for 6 months)... and my GF says she can still "feel" her there, but never says anything or comes out at all. She was out quite a bit in my GF's younger days and apparently she was pretty scary, violent, the thug of the three. So, it's good that she's staying put!

Jasmine, did you say you have alters who mean you harm? That's scary. I guess my GF's third one falls into that category, not direct self-harm but she could get someone into legal trouble for sure. I'm glad the other 2 are pretty easy to deal with, and even likeable. I love little Sarah in a mommy way, and I hurt for the little girl my GF was when these horrible things happened to her.. and if I can take away even a little of that pain by holding Sara and stroking her hair and talking soothingly to her then I am glad to do it.

Chris is just damn sexy, honestly... not that my GF isn't incredibly sexy on her own, but he brings a different flavor to it all, and adds his own likes and kinks to the mix in bed. He is fun in his own way. I wouldn't want him exclusively, which is a trip he was on for a while, telling me he could "make her go away" so it would be just the two of us.. but he really just likes to mindf*ck me and I caught on to that after a while and I don't take him seriously.. and he's told me flat out that I really shouldn't, he just likes head games. The more he realizes I'm not going to hurt her, the more he backs off from frequent appearances, and I only "see" him now about 3x a month... he says it makes her sad when he takes over and takes that time away, so he tries to be considerate of that. So, he's not a complete ass. ;-) It also physically hurts her head when he comes and goes too often or too fast, and I told him that... it gives her pretty severe headaches. Anyone else experience that?

It's interesting for so many reasons, but especially for us in my opinion because I'm bi, and because my GF is a Gemini, and butch, it just fits that Chris is in there. Even without Chris, she's just a true "twin", full of interesting contradictions and paradoxes, I can watch her go from delicate to badass in 2 seconds flat, she can be charming then shy, country then city, sentimental & mushy then rough and dominant..... the MPD factor just adds to her already wonderful complexities. She's truly multi-faceted and never ever dull but not unpredictable and psycho either. :)

Ahhh, love. Sorry for going on and on, but I don't get to talk about this much, and it's old news to her, so she kinda gets tired of my constant musings on the subject. We're still in that wonderful "new" stage of love, too, so I'm pretty much willing to talk about her 24/7 to anyone that will listen,, with or without the MPD discussions. My apologies for running on and on!

Sheri

[Butch]

"What would you do if you found out your lover/friend/or someone close to you has multipule personality disorder?"


If I found out my lover had "multiple personality disorder", I would no longer be her lover. I would try and be a friend. I have been there and done that one with a lover and a friend. I persnonally do not believe in this disorder.

If I found out a friend or someone close to me had "multiple personality disorder", I would be thier friend but stay somewhat detached.


Butch 47,48

[mimi]

I have to agree with Butch 47 on this one, I prefer to begin relationships with someone who is stable in most areas of their life, an untreated mental illness does not bode well for a relationship. A caregiver/ill partner is not a good place to begin a relationship. The imbalance of power is harmful. A mental health issue well treated is not such a factor.

Disassociative Identity Disordered (Multiple Personality Disorder) is something I believe is extremely rare.

Now, I have attended presentations which alleged that all Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosed individuals actually qualify for a Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID) now that really changes things and opens it up eh? This isn't a theory that I subscribe to, but it is out there.

As to the original poster and treatment, every community of some size has mental health services available to those without insurance and many times those services are among the best as they often include teaching facilities, they generally have very good supervision in place as well. I would certainly suggest looking into these services as mental health is not an issue that should be put on hold.

Mimi

[ThatGirl]

I have a friend with MPD/DID and I am there if she needs to talk and I understand when she doesn't feel able to. I support her just like I would any other friend who needs it.

[ALovedTomboy]

Originally posted by Jasmine Sense
What would you do if you found out your lover/friend/or someone close to you has multipule personality disorder?

Jasmine

*taking a big breath here*


My boi's ex has DID. She is important to hym and so I'm trying my best to understand, but I don't claim to know everything. I just know that I love hym and should be there for someone if hy is willing to be too. Hy's a great person with a big heart.

I, myself, have cerebral palsy. I have poor balance and use mobility devices 50% of the time... A far cry from DID as I am only me, I try to understand. It's difficult for me b/c I don't have much face to face experience, but have probably seen the same movies n read the same books as most people and therefore have my own concerns about it.

What if s/he's personalities do not like you? and S/he is a friend of the one you love does that mean they can't love you anymore without causing this person deep psychological scarring and the like?!!

I am at least trying to comprehend it.

Thaks Jasmine for your thread and putting the topic out there...

[Jasmine Sense]

It is nice to see people with their different opinions and I know MPD/DID is hard for some people to believe, espeically if they have never dealt with it.

Yes I do have some personalities that do mean me harm, and when I was younger harm was done. It seems now I do have some control over them, until a real stressful moment comes upon me. Which is rare due to the fact it takes a lot for me to get stressed.

There are triggers that will set me off, like I can't watch any movie with a rape part in it, or which a talk show about child abuse. Boys Don't Cry is one movie that triggers my personalities. Once in a great while a talk show about child abuse will be on, but as long as I am busy doing something else I can listen, and disconntect myself from it.

It hasn't interfered with my life as an adult to much. I have support of friends and family through those moments. It hasn't interfered with work, nor taking care of my kids. In relationships, it hasn't interfered either, for I am up front with the person.

I am glad you all took interest in posting in here. It shows me what type of people there are out there...

Jasmine

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

I'd just like to say that I think it would be incredibly hypocritical of me if I demanded perfect mental health, zero issues, in a partner, because I have issues of my own. I think what matters more than our pasts is how we function now, therapy or not. My GF and I have both been through psycotherapy at different times in our lives and I think we both have a healthy understanding of what we need to work on and what we are okay with. We get help if/when we need it, but other things can be safely left alone.

It's interesting to me that, despite all she's been through, my GF is ten times more mentally and emotionally healthy than my ex husband, who had a pretty normal and non-traumatic childhood. He's a mess, with severe and chronic depression he would never commit to getting help for, serious intimacy problems, zero communication skills, alcohol abuse, anger issues, you name it. Yet he had a priveleged middle class, stable childhood. Obviously something wasn't *right* somewhere, but at no point in our 9 year relationship was he able to fully share with me much of anything so I guess I'll never really know.


My GF, OTOH, was severely sexually abused in a forceful/violent manner when she was very very young and it continued for years. She was later raped as a teen more than once and bore a child from one of those rapes (a child she kept and raised, fearlessly, at age 16). She was harassed, ostracized, and beaten for being a lesbian in a small town where no one admitted to *that* and for "looking like a boy". She had a turbulent home life and comes from the ghetto... yet she remained an open, warm, loving person capable of intimacy and growth, when many would have cracked completely or ended up bitter and hardened. She's a great mom, too, who has never laid a hand on her children, she's very nurturing and patient. She has amazing strength. If the MPD were ruling her life, she'd do something about it... but it doesn't. Kinda ironic to me that I know more about her in six months together than I knew about a man I was married to for 7 years!

I have my own issues that I've had to come to terms with.. heck, I'm sure I'd be officially diagnosed with many things if I wanted to go through the mental health wringer, but I've learned that there are some things I can do on my own, and some things that require professional help, and I'll make it through it all eventually. Meanwhile I am happy, functioning, and I could never reject someone solely on the basis of having "unsolved issues", no more than I'd want someone to do the same to me. There's no imbalance of power in my relationship with my GF because we're in this together, warts and all. She helps me, I help her, and we help ourselves, it's a partnership.

Sheri

[emtplatt]

Originally posted by RighteousBabe

Jasmine, my GF has one like yours, who just rocks and curls up in a fetal position. Her name is Sara, and she's 4, which is when the abuse started. At first she would just rock and cry and curl up so tight that I felt really helpless.. she was very scared and wouldn't even look at me. Now she'll let me comfort her, she'll look at me and even speak a little but she's still very sad and afraid. I'm a mom of 2 kids biologically, so the maternal instinct just kicks in with her and I just reassure her that she's safe and no one can hurt her anymore, and she really seems to trust me now. She doesn't stay out for long, about 5 minutes seems to be her limit.

I am just sitting here in amazement. This topic hits so close to home for 2 reasons. My last gf had multiples and one was a little boi named TK. We were sitting in the bedroom one night with another friend and all of the sudden my gf was curled up against the wall with this impish look on her face. I could tell that this was not the girl that I knew. TK was about 4 and he liked pokemon and hearing stories. He was a curious critter very shy but would show up at the most inappropriate times. He was quick to disappear. And sometimes he would just suck his thumb and rock. Even though the body was a 23 yr old female I was looking at a young boi.

Chris, who I talked about in my first post, is the only one I deal with frequently enough to feel like I "know" him. It's really fascinating, to me, that there's this whole other person living inside my love's head! I had some suspicions at first that she might just be making this all up, but it didn't take long for me to be convinced; if she had acting skills of THAT magnitude, she'd deserve an Oscar!!

It's just so trippy, really.. he has his own likes and dislikes, his own facial expressions, his voice is completely different, he's left handed (she's right handed), he likes beer (she hates it), he's jealous and possessive at times, he has his own food preferences, his own handwriting, his own strengths, etc. He's 23 ("born" when she was 4, she's 27), physically much stronger than her, and in so many ways a "typical guy" to the point that I'm rolling my eyes and thankful that I no longer live with a bio male anymore! I also remind him often that he does not have a dick, a fact he seems to forget. He doesn't like some of my friends (friends that she loves), and he makes lewd comments that she'd NEVER make. Not that she's not capable of lewdness, but these are just such *guy* things to say. ;-) He also ogles other women, blatantly, or at least he used to before I got pissy about it.

Chris is the only one who communicates with her directly, inside her head. Sometimes I'll say something and she'll have a response from him, for me, usually some suggestive comment or smart assed remark. Sometimes she'll say outloud "Shutup, dumbass!", talking to him, in response to some "funny" thing he's said. She thinks he's an ass, but she also knows he's there to protect her, and aside from freaking people out, he doesn't get her in trouble, though in the beginning she was apologizing for him quite a bit with me, before he and I worked out our issues on our own when he was "here" with me.

That is just like Preston (me) the one that now has the most power. I too have my own birthday and was "born" to protect and deal with situations that she could not. My poor wife saw me from time to time. Mostly it was a sexual thing I was very rough and aggressive almost to the point of being dangerous. I would come and go often. I too did communicate with "M" when she was the leading personality. But as my wife and I relationship progressed I end up being the leader. "M" is very rarely here anymore but I have taken on some of her qualities. The first time that I cried I was astounded. I think that I was meant to be the dominate but had to grow up so that I could handle my power.

I love little Sarah in a mommy way, and I hurt for the little girl my GF was when these horrible things happened to her.. and if I can take away even a little of that pain by holding Sara and stroking her hair and talking soothingly to her then I am glad to do it.

I went thru this same thing with TK he was very attached to daddy and he would sit in my lap (which was no easy task since she was physically larger then me) And he would get scared and run to me. It was the hardest part of our breakup. When she left so did my lil guy.

Chris is just damn sexy, honestly... not that my GF isn't incredibly sexy on her own, but he brings a different flavor to it all, and adds his own likes and kinks to the mix in bed. He is fun in his own way. I wouldn't want him exclusively, which is a trip he was on for a while, telling me he could "make her go away" so it would be just the two of us.. but he really just likes to mindf*ck me and I caught on to that after a while and I don't take him seriously.. and he's told me flat out that I really shouldn't, he just likes head games. The more he realizes I'm not going to hurt her, the more he backs off from frequent appearances, and I only "see" him now about 3x a month... he says it makes her sad when he takes over and takes that time away, so he tries to be considerate of that. So, he's not a complete ass. ;-) It also physically hurts her head when he comes and goes too often or too fast, and I told him that... it gives her pretty severe headaches. Anyone else experience that?

I don't know if I took over but I sure didn't like having to give up the power. At first I did consider it. I had never felt any emotion but rage and this Julie was just so damn soft and this blew my mind. I know that she must have thought I was nuts b/c I always told her "i can not believe that you are so damn soft". Touching her cheek made me feel "funny". We were into some pretty heavy S&M when I put a knife in the door beside her head. I felt strange then too when she started to cry. I disappeared to let "M" handle it. The headaches were god awful and we both had them. Not so much when I was dominate but when I came out...holy hell it hurt. *wait "M" says that it hurt her too. I am still a hot head and "M" has probably kept us from getting our head blown off. She says only cause she lives in here too...lol

I can watch her go from delicate to badass in 2 seconds flat, she can be charming then shy, country then city, sentimental & mushy then rough and dominant..... the MPD factor just adds to her already wonderful complexities. She's truly multi-faceted and never ever dull but not unpredictable and psycho either. :)

This is very true and VERY confusing for one who has no idea what the hell is going on. It is strange it was like at first I was a thinking emotion (anger). "M" didn't have anger she had me. I wonder why I have mellowed out. I wonder if some day you will see more of Chris...

Ahhh, love. Sorry for going on and on, but I don't get to talk about this much, and it's old news to her, so she kinda gets tired of my constant musings on the subject. We're still in that wonderful "new" stage of love, too, so I'm pretty much willing to talk about her 24/7 to anyone that will listen,, with or without the MPD discussions. My apologies for running on and on!


I know just how you feel. It is a hard concept but I am very glad that you approached the subject. Feel free to reply.
Sincerely Preston

[ALovedTomboy]

I am doing my best to be open-minded about DID. In the beginning, when I 1st met my boi and he said he was friends with an ex, I had no problem because I have that element in my life with some people too.


I didn't believe hys ex at 1st and realize now that I was wrong and although I still do not understand, I want to say that if she is reading this that I apologize for not believing you.

I refused flat out to meet this person or this person's g/f. It caused a lot of problems and I know during this time they did not like me.


I've never before been in a relationship where something like this is a factor, but I want to understand it as best that I can and move forward in my relationship with Nick.

There would have been a time in my life where a situation such as this would have me running screaming from the room, but I know that Nick is a wonderful person and if hy is willing to be there for them ....then, so am I.

I may not always understand, but I will at least try.

So, my question is how do I make friends with her ex and her g/f?

(f)Thank-you for this thread.(f)

[emtplatt]

Originally posted by ALovedTomboy
I am doing my best to be open-minded about DID. In the beginning, when I 1st met my boi and he said he was friends with an ex, I had no problem because I have that element in my life with some people too.


I didn't believe hys ex at 1st and realize now that I was wrong and although I still do not understand, I want to say that if she is reading this that I apologize for not believing you.

I refused flat out to meet this person or this person's g/f. It caused a lot of problems and I know during this time they did not like me.


I've never before been in a relationship where something like this is a factor, but I want to understand it as best that I can and move forward in my relationship with Nick.

There would have been a time in my life where a situation such as this would have me running screaming from the room, but I know that Nick is a wonderful person and if hy is willing to be there for them ....then, so am I.

I may not always understand, but I will at least try.

So, my question is how do I make friends with her ex and her g/f?

(f)Thank-you for this thread.(f)



So let me see if I have this right. Nick your current has an ex that has personalities? And she and Nick are still friends? Now she has a gf? Nick still considers her a friend? You refused to meet her b/c of the personalities?? B/c you thought that she was making it up? To get Nick back? Am I right at all?
So you felt like she was liar and you didn't want to know her?

So now that you know that it really exists by the people who have posted on this board you can now get to know her?
I would be honest. If she is so important to him then she needs to play some role in your life too. Tell her "I'm sorry I did not believe that you had DID and it made me uncomfortable thinking that you were lying to Nick. I know that you are important to him so I would like for us to work thru our differences. We are gonna be in each others lives for a long time so we might as well make the best of it. Or something like that.

Hope that helped. She maybe defensive at first. you may get the "guard personality" but if you are open and honest then you made the first move and you have done what you can.
If i am just completely wrong please let me know and I will try and give you an answer that fits.

P

[PaphigleoButch]

emtplatt
thank you so much for the sound advice to Jolene.

Jolene, I appreciate the effort you are prepared to make.
I cannot say it will be easy, but I can say they are an interesting bunch of people.

I am proud in many ways that I happened to be the first person who could emotionally support Bec(et al).
It was not easy, I watched someone I loved retreat behind so many walls, and over the course of two years I helped most to feel safe and empowered. There were times when hospital seemed iminent(sp?), and there were scary times with Protectors.. (like waking one night to a speech by Hitler being played on my computer by a protector that just wanted me to 'go away' and 'be afraid')

We all just laugh at those rough moments now. "Bec" has no intentions to integrate, she is fully co-conscious and 'Everyone' is mostly co-operative. "Bec" draws disability because of her poly-fragmented system(over 3,000 splits and counting), and they all have firm beliefs that the littles all deserve the same amount of time "out" as the adults get, within reason.

Someday "Bec" will return to work, but that is far off as many things and 'others' have yet to come to light. Being in Southern Illinois, there is no great mental health system, and of the three practitioners in 100 mile radius, only one takes medicaid, and she is out of state and therefore cannot accept illinois medicaid.

Bec and I are friends, but my bond is not so much with 'her' as it is with most 'Everyone' especially the kids.

I do not NEED to be needed by them, but merely feel that as long as I can offer therapuetic support to those who trust me, then I should.
Many times I have wished for it all to be simpler, but alas we must play the hand we are dealt.

I am in no way condemning those who would escape this situation. It is most decidedly a personal choice. In the beginning I had the option to run, without guilt, but *I* chose to stay. Whether it was because of love or obligation, I cannot say, for too much time has passed. But I can say I have few regrets, only many life lessons learned.

It took littles to teach me to stand and fight your demons, a lesson we should all be soo lucky to learn early on.

Jolene, I love you dearly, and welcome to the state of confusion.

[PaphigleoButch]

Jasmine Sense, thank you for starting this thread, it was quite brave of you.

Jasmine Sense and Butch Gal:
I commend your open honesty and courage to pull DID out of the DSM-IVR closet! The only shame belongs to the abusers!


Yours in good Health...
Nick

also known as the one who allowed littles to eat 'Ben and Jerry's' for breakfast for a week (back then I didn't know I could just get an adult who would eat real food)

*shrugs* *smiles*

[Jasmine Sense]

PaphigleoButch


Thank u...for a long time this subject was never touched. I think it is about time it is put out there aloud. Not only to help others to understand, but so that people don't get confused. For me there has been times I will be on the computer and without even realizing it one of my other personalities come out. Then a few days later when I am on I have tons of people mad at me and I don't know why.

So I want to be straight forward and let those out there know who I am, what happens and in the long run I will know who is a friend and who isn't.

And it also shows me that I am not alone in this.

Jasmine

[Annie]

I have been lurking on this thread for a while. I am fascinated by the stories you share, and the courage in your willingness to be educators.

Thankyou.

Annie

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

Jasmine;

I cannot begin to thank you enough for starting this thread. Because of your action, I have "met" 2 people that I can totally and honestly share with about this issue. I figured if I had wanted to I could have found a support group for signifigant others of those with MPD, but this is incredible. I've found a butch/femme *couple* where the butch part of the couple is the one with MPD, the butch partner has a personality that is male and VERY much like my GF's other (the guy, Chris), a couple that has so much in common with us that it is un-freakin-believable. I never thought I'd luck out like that... these are people who REALLY "get" what our life is like and that is an utterly amazing feeling!!!!

If you hadn't started this thread I'd still feel very much alone. The DID isn't a problem for us, and I do have a few friends who are understanding believers, but I tried not to discuss it much really because I could tell they thought it was a bit freaky.. but now I have someone to share openly with. Thank you so much!!!

Preston, I'm so thrilled to have met y'all, I hope this is the beginning of much communication that will enrich us all. :)

Sheri

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

Nick;

Did your friend have a hard time "proving" things to a therapist and to the disability docs?

My GF has never been formally diagnosed with DID. Other things, but not the DID. I think she worries she won't be believed. :(


Jasmine: Boys Don't Cry was full of triggers for my GF as well. I need to be a bit more careful about the movies I choose!

Preston, you said: ".....I wonder why I have mellowed out. I wonder if some day you will see more of Chris".

I know I've blabbed on and on to you privately about this, but I think the main reason I won't ever see Chris all the time is because my GF is the one that noticed me, pursued me, fell in love with me. Chris had no choice but to be there, and eventually decided he liked me too, but at first he wasn't nearly as impressed with me as she was. As long as HE doesn't use her body for anything she shouldn't be doing (i.e. with someone other than ME), we'll be okay! ;-) I'm your typical jealous female, I'm ashamed to say.

I've been meaning to add that I have my own diagnosis.. while I don't have MPD, I have Dissociative Disorder. Mostly I go into a Dissociative fugue. My GF says that to her it's a little like having "others" but they are all aware, all present, and no separate names, no memory loss (oh, sometimes I wish!) I defiintely switch, but mostly between the me that feels and cries and loves, and the me that is hard and cold and mean and could give a shit about anyone. Thankfully the cold/dead/dissociative 'me' isn't around as much anymore as I've matured and worked hard to stay in the moment, forcing myself to feel when "leaving" would be soooo much easier. It still happens though in moments of extreme panic in response to impending emotional pain. It hadn't happened in almost a decade, before I met my GF, but since I've met her and since I've discovered a love greater than any I ever imagined, the vulnerability is sometims just too much and off I go into the dead zone anytime there is a serious issue to deal with, a fight, etc.


Sheri

[IrishFire]

Originally posted by RighteousBabe
I've been meaning to add that I have my own diagnosis.. while I don't have MPD, I have Dissociative Disorder. Mostly I go into a Dissociative fugue. My GF says that to her it's a little like having "others" but they are all aware, all present, and no separate names, no memory loss (oh, sometimes I wish!) I defiintely switch, but mostly between the me that feels and cries and loves, and the me that is hard and cold and mean and could give a shit about anyone. Thankfully the cold/dead/dissociative 'me' isn't around as much anymore as I've matured and worked hard to stay in the moment, forcing myself to feel when "leaving" would be soooo much easier. It still happens though in moments of extreme panic in response to impending emotional pain. It hadn't happened in almost a decade, before I met my GF, but since I've met her and since I've discovered a love greater than any I ever imagined, the vulnerability is sometims just too much and off I go into the dead zone anytime there is a serious issue to deal with, a fight, etc.


Sheri

:|

I've been lurking for the duration of this thread, too. It's a fascinating topic that I have absolutely nothing to say about. Well, until now.

Reading your post several times, it looks as though switching into a cold-mode as a means of protection is considered a disorder, rather than an incredibly normal human defense mechanism I'd imagine many people have. I'm not knocking the lay-diagnosis, but the idea that this is disordered and NOT closer to normal is unsettling. I know I couldn't survive without the ability to stash emotions elsewhere until the golden day I have the luxury of dealing with them, and I'd imagine this is fairly common. I had understood that DID, however, was not so common.

Could you elaborate a little and fill me in?

Many thanks.

-IrishFire

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

Hey Irish;

I need to try and answer quickly, I need to be in bed!! I think it's just a disorder when it is extreme. THat's the difference, mainly. I think everyone does this to a certain degree, but I often have the feeling I'm not quite in my body.. like I'm watching myself from somewhere else. I also can completely shut off (it's not something I do at will, it just happens) *all* feelings. The first time it happened around my kids it scared the hell out of me. The feeling towards everything and everyone is total apathy. Nothing. When I'm in this "cold mode", I could watch something horrific and not flinch. I have been in this mode and dealt with my children and really felt like a robot. One got hurt, I didn't care. I took care of him, I went through the motions of comforting him, but I really, at that moment, didn't care at all what was going on with him.

I think a more "normal" reaction is to stash away the offending emotion or thought, not ALL emotion. Someone not wanting to deal with pain might push it away, turn things off, but still react to joy, or the pain of an innocent child, or many other emotions not having to do with what's causing the pain at the time. When I shut down, I truly shut down, and no one gets in, and my responses are like that of an android, really.

It was during these "off" times as a younger person that I stole from my mom, kicked her in the stomach during a fight because she wouldn't let go of my arm, broke up indiscriminately with lovers without warning, and other things I'd rather not mention. I had a lot of time where i was "off", and I went through a good portion of my life simply not feeling *anything*. I would switch off at any first sign of something that caused feelings of vulnerability. I would also switch off at any tiny trigger related to sexual abuse and sexual violations. I remember, during times where I was being abused and during other uncomfortable times afterwards, feeling like i was floating away from my body, high and away, and no longer feeling anything at all.

Now, thankfully, it is only a reaction to extreme emotional stress. So, maybe that's what changes it from what it was (a disorder) to what it is now.. maybe now it's actually a normal reaction? I dunno. I never knew what was normal. I grew up too far from normal to comprehend normalcy.

Sheri

[ThatGirl]

Hi RighteousBabe

I've recently been diagnosed with a dissasociative disorder, I wasn't given a name of it, I was just told that, that is what I had been doing. I was wondering whether you ever heard "voices" or anything, as a lot of what you described is what I am going through. It was explained to me that the voices I was hearing were my own thoughts I had just detached myself to the extent of not recognizing this.

Sorry for hijacking the thread.

[IrishFire]

Thank you, and get some sleep!

This is in the cluttered storage closet labeled "crap that I absolutely don't have the resources to deal with now, but I'd better keep an eye on lest it get worse or come crashing down around my ears in the event life starts to go really well." I'd certainly like to know why I and everyone in my family has so many weird disorders/defense mechanisms/personality flaws, but digging around for that requires some prying, which opens things up, and that brings me back to the resource problem: it's just not a good idea to go there now.

At the moment I'm most curious as to why I have so many symptoms experienced by survivors of rape and abuse, with no memory of any such thing happening, and no reason whatsoever to believe it ever did. Maybe I should ask my mother if anything happened while I was little, but I prefer not to discuss it with her, and I'm already aware that she thinks I don't like men because my creepy uncle tried to get weird with me twice. (He didn't get far, but he did get a nice pretty shiner, I'm pleased to say.)

Again, thanks for your prompt reply. I'm aware that I've got a long list of not-so-fun things simmering on the back burner, but seeing a description as familiar as yours attached to a big scary words like "Dissociative Disorder" was a little more of a red flag than I'm used to, and didn't sit so well. As an aside, I haven't read the actual DSM (a little expensive for a light read, don't you think?), but it was my understanding that dissociative fugue includes time/memory loss by definition--which I have in spades. *sighs* It can happen in the total absense of stress (which I think I've experienced once or twice in my life--maybe), so I'm not sure whether it's actually a fugue or if I'm just riculously forgetful, more so than any other creature I know. (Cross finding Nemo's Dory with Eeyore . . .)

Ut oh--I promised to limit my 3 a.m. rambles, so I'd better wrap this up. Thanks again, and sweet dreams.

-IrishFire

[ALovedTomboy]

originally posted by: emtplatt.

So let me see if I have this right. Nick your current has an ex that has personalities? And she and Nick are still friends? Now she has a gf? Nick still considers her a friend? You refused to meet her b/c of the personalities?? B/c you thought that she was making it up? To get Nick back? Am I right at all?
So you felt like she was liar and you didn't want to know her?

So now that you know that it really exists by the people who have posted on this board you can now get to know her?


kind of...

When I 1st met Nick, I didn't really question that her ex had mpd/did. It was so fantastic so as not to be anything other than true.

Then, 'Bec' and I talked and she explained to me the reason she was calling every few minutes, once when Nick was here and we were both sick with the flu, was because Nick was her parent and she needed hym.

I do not doubt the nature of her disability, I never have. When we were sick, however; and the phone calls were frequent just b/c 'they' would rather Nick not be around me bothered me a great deal.

In a fit of frustration due to being sick and very tired, I told this person that she needed to get a life w/o my boi. I told her that she has real parents whether or not she likes them and other family in the area that if there was a real problem that she should 1st seek out her g/f or her family 1st. I just wanted to be with Nick and was annoyed with the frequency of the drop everything style calls that day.

I mean, in my defense, *she* exsisted just fine to whatever extent before meeting Nick and therefore I did not see the need for Nick to cater to her every whim on that day when all I wanted was to be with Nick.

What troubles me is not knowing to what extent the parent/friendship exists or is even good for this person. I wonder sometimes if it makes it easier for *her* to re-treat to this life where she is not even herself and worry how healthy that is.

I wonder sometimes that I will never need Nick as much as this person and will lose hym or hys love because while I have cerebral palsy, I am one woman with a three dimensional personality. I'm quite independent and want nothing but to just love hym.

It wasn't so much this thread emtplatt that made me believe *Bec* because I believed her the moment Nick and I 1st met and hy told me.

*sigh*

Nick's love means everything to me so I am putting aside my running shoes to stay and work things out with hym and yes, 'Bec' too.

A professor I really respect told his students one day in class about his own dealings with a fam. member with a different but nonetheless severe mental illness. That is what made me think. In my prof's story all this person had was his brother and the day that ended b/c his brother couldn't handle the mental illness, he died.

I know that is extreme, but I wouldn't want *bec* to die.

I just want some semblance of boundaries because I don't want meeting her to result in: 'nick, they do not like her and therefore you shouldn't love her.' I also don't want to be a parent to this person, but that doesn't mean that I do not like or believe her. It's just not what I want to do.

I've never loved someone so very much as I have Nick. We have a good relationship and hy's a wonderful, wonderful person and to love hym I know this is an element of hys life that I am working on understanding as fully as I can.

This thread has been more cathartic to me than I can express in mere words, thank you Jasmine for starting it... So, I could have a place for my feelings.



(l)

[emtplatt]

First to you Sheri. We (3) have enjoyed getting to know you and yours as well. Before this thread J and I talked about this some but not often and now is a good time to "explore" some more. I hope that we have been helpful in your relationship as you have been in ours.


ALT: I kind of understand and I kind of don't. Is "Bec" the leading personality? Does she have a small other that treated Nick as a daddy? It is very hard to see Nick with someone who is curled up close to him but is really a child. Is it the kids that want hym or is it "Bec". This is a hard situation to be in for you. It is also hard for Nick. I was not as strong as hym and had to send "everybody" away and that included my "son". I came to the conclusion that if I could not be there for all of them then I shouldn't be there for any. Rae loved me and I couldn't return that love so it was not fair to anyone that I keep TK. Again I don't know the situation but it is kinda like you have step children. You are with their "daddy" and they want to spend time with hym. But IMO if "Bec" is the one that is the "ex" and she is the one that needs Nick then I think that you should tell Nick that you understand hym being needed by the "child" but why still by her? They all can just be friends. But they have to respect the fact that hy is with you now. Did you say that "Bec" has a gf? So what role does Nick play? Again none of this is easy and I cried so hard when TK left. But you guys need to talk about this and settle it. I hope that this thread has helped you see that Nick can love you and still be needed by another. Just shooting in the dark here and rolling off the cuff of my sleeve cause I still don't know the whole situation.

And finally I have never been "officially diagnoised" and I am sure that there are some drs out there that would love to get into my head....which isn't gonna happen. I am happy being ME and me...lol

Sincerely
P

[emtplatt]

many apologies for I have not thanked the person who begin such a wonderful thread. I know that this has not gone the way that it was asked but I hope that everyone has learned something at least.

*Bows*
Thanks to you Jasmine Sense I have never felt so comfortable inviting so many into my world.

Preston

[ALovedTomboy]

emtplatt: I kind of understand and I kind of don't. Is "Bec" the leading personality?

>>> as i understand it, yes.

Does she have a small other that treated Nick as a daddy?

>>> yes, more than one.

Is it the kids that want hym or is it "Bec".

>>> i don't know b/c i don't understand mpd/did that well...

You are with their "daddy" and they want to spend time with hym.

>>> isn't it more damaging to the person to treat their friends like parents?

But IMO if "Bec" is the one that is the "ex" and she is the one that needs Nick then I think that you should tell Nick that you understand hym being needed by the "child" but why still by her?

>>> i think it is just the 'children'

They all can just be friends. But they have to respect the fact that hy is with you now.

>>> i agree

Did you say that "Bec" has a gf?

>>> yes

So what role does Nick play?

>>> don't know either... somewhere between a friend/parent maybe? i'm not sure...

*Again none of this is easy and I cried so hard when TK left. But you guys need to talk about this and settle it. I hope that this thread has helped you see that Nick can love you and still be needed by another. *

>>>it has helped to at least start a much needed conversation on the subject that's for sure. you know i was reading that happiness thread would *you* stay in a weird or odd situation if you are happy...

>>>...my brain can't picture a child in an adult body, but i'm trying. not to prove anything to Nick or for anyone other than myself. i hope to learn from her and maybe a lil about my self in the process...

(f)

[PaphigleoButch]

Originally posted by RighteousBabe
Nick;

Did your friend have a hard time "proving" things to a therapist and to the disability docs?

My GF has never been formally diagnosed with DID. Other things, but not the DID. I think she worries she won't be believed. :(


RighteousBabe...

yes there was a hard time in a manner of speaking... and yes most likely there will be many professionals who will disbelieve. Like everything in life, it takes perseverence and determination! You *WILL* encounter rude nurses, doctors, and therapists (unfortunately) you will also come across plenty of red tape!

Just keep trying.. if you need the assistance work to get it!

[PaphigleoButch]

"bec" is the name of my ex, one of many adults (here is where it gets complex) I use the word 'system' for a reason, there are about 3000 known fragments and fully formed individuals included in that system (one-body). ******please note that MANY of these do NOT come out. There are closer to about 35 that are awake and aware of the outside world******
Bec is only one of those, but for the most part was the one most consistantly aware when I met her.

'Everybody' is the handy term I use to encompass all of the bodys' individuals and fragments.

I am friends with many of the adult individuals in said body.

I am parent figure to most of the child individuals in said body.

In no way am I parenting an adult.

I was dubbed a mommy (I know, as butch as I am and I still get mommy) by first a 2 year old child, then a 9 year old child. Several others just trust and respond well to me, and wish to confide in me when things go wrong. I can say there is some jealousy on the part of the 2 year old, because ... well she is TWO and thats kinda what they do. Most of the rest of the children either do not care about my relationship with Jolene, or are fine with it.

As for the adults, because of an altercation many months ago, there still are hurt feelings and probably a good deal anamosity(sp?) towards my relationship with Jolene.

I am hoping that through getting to know one another and airing grievances, that we can all get along peacefully.

[ALovedTomboy]

originally posted by: PaphigleoButch

...because of an altercation many months ago, there still are hurt feelings and probably a good deal anamosity(sp?) towards my relationship with Jolene.

A little clarifying of my own. I've not met *her*....*them*... so there is no altercation to speak of.


What happened is what I stated above.


It's hard to express how I feel and so I am thankful for this thread immensely. I wish I knew how else to say that it still hurts to know *she* *they* *whoever* has issues with me and are yet so close to my boi... I don't do well saying it anywhere else... so, I'll leave it there as is.

While I feel for *Bec*...as only something horrible could cause a person to become this fragmented and wish to stay this way... sometimes people aren't the only things torn apart.(u)

[Jasmine Sense]

Preston and others that are reading this thread, no need to thank me. I am glad I did it too. WE can all learn so much from each other and help each other when we can..


Jasmine Sense

[Jasmine Sense]

Here is a url that can help some people understand MPD/DID a little better: http://www.psycom.net/mchugh.html

[ALovedTomboy]

from article: Close the dissociation services and disperse the patients to general psychiatric units. Ignore the alters. Stop talking to them, taking notes on them, and discussing them in staff conferences. Pay attention to real present problems and conflicts rather than fantasy. If these simple, familiar rules are followed, multiple personalities will soon wither away and psychotherapy can begin.



So, okay. Just so I understand a little, according to the article MPD/DID is merely a fabrication of the medical community who prey on overly suggestive individuals and if we just focus on the problem(s) at hand that the disorder will become apparently clear to the individual that the actions caused by another are really those caused by hir or her self and that if we ignore the alters the *person/system* will recognize this then?

I mean, that is what I got from the article link, but that doesn't seem right...

[emtplatt]

Originally posted by ALovedTomboy
So, okay. Just so I understand a little, according to the article MPD/DID is merely a fabrication of the medical community who prey on overly suggestive individuals and if we just focus on the problem(s) at hand that the disorder will become apparently clear to the individual that the actions caused by another are really those caused by hir or her self and that if we ignore the alters the *person/system* will recognize this then?

I mean, that is what I got from the article link, but that doesn't seem right...

This goes back to the old fear what you don't understand statement.
I work for the medical community but there are a few bad apples in every bunch. If you are not a person that has "others" or knows someone that does then it is really hard to believe that a person can have more then one inside them. I know about me and can identify with the others on here. If the drs stopped talking to me b/c they think that I would go away then there would be a long silence. While I stared at them like they were a complete idiot. I love how a shrink can tell you about you when they have only known you a short time. People have issues and people have problems and some people have issues with ppl that have problems. When I first started to learn about the subject I was amazed at how much they push for intergration. It is hard to unite 2 people let alone 3000. But ignoring anyone would just piss them off and that is never a good thing.

P

[ALovedTomboy]

did you read the article though? because that is what i took it to mean...

enlighten me -Jolene-

[emtplatt]

Originally posted by ALovedTomboy
did you read the article though? because that is what i took it to mean...

enlighten me -Jolene-

I finally had the time to read the article and can see good and bad points.
Good: If a person has true MPD mostly they don't have a control over it. It is hard for some ppl to believe if they have not seen it. So using the ignore and countersuggestion method on ppl who really don't have MPD and have been "talked into it" may likely cure them.
Bad: A person with MPD will not respond to a shutting out of the others. Most of the people that I know can "talk amongst themselves". If "M" told me that someone was mean to or hurt her then woe be unto them. So if I was in therapy and she ("M") came out and spoke to the docs and they ignored her or told her she wasn't real. When I got back they would get nothing more from me. So it is highly counterproductive. I learned much from talking with Rae. I spoke with as many of her alters as I could I wanted to know. That is where the doc would learn not shut them out.

P

[ALovedTomboy]

thank you for your reply.


i'm still learning, but promise to come back here if i can think of any more questions.

[Jasmine Sense]

My ex girl's most resent ex g/f tried to pretend she had MPD/DID to keep her with her, but both my ex and I have the true DID. So we both figured it out she was lying, which really bothered my ex at the time. She later learned that her ex was lying because she finally came clean and admitted to it. I think that is why some doctors have a hard time believing it is out there, but there is.

Has anyone read the book Sybil?

[PaphigleoButch]

yes,

I have read Sybil....

but most recently there was a book published by:
Cameron West, PhD 'First Person Plural'
My life as a multiple

it is quite good and helps us non-DID folk to understand a bit better, at least in my opinion.

[ALovedTomboy]

First Person Plural (author website) (http://www.cameronwest.com/)


Link to Book on: DID/MPD and how it differs from imaginary playmates (http://www.dissociation.com/)


I hope these links are helpful to someone with this element in thier life.

[micpfef]

Hi everyone. I don't post often in the forums. I do know some other good books that were not mentioned here. One is AMONGST OURSELVES. It offers practical advice for someone with DID/mpd from a viewpoint of a therapist and her partner who has DID. Another one is THE STRANGER IN THE MIRROR by Marlene Steinberg. She is a well known psychiatrist in the treatment of DID. Another one is by Deborah Bray Haddock - THE DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER SOURCEBOOK.

DID is largely misunderstood because of movies and books that show the extremes like Sybil. The actual DSM-IV criteria establishes DID in the case of 2 separate and distinct personalities being present. I do believe there are people who do not have DID who say they do but I also believe that DID is present more than many people know.

One thing that was said before is that DID and PTSD are actually very normal responses to very abnormal situations.

I think this is a good thread with a variety of opinions and viewpoints.

Take care all.

Michele

[Jasmine Sense]

I'll have to check some of these books out myself. I have been trying to read so much on it so that I can help my friends understand better.

[Jasmine Sense]

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy new year. Hope this holiday season hasn't been to stressful for anyone.

Jasmine

[ALovedTomboy]

Thanx Jasmine!

The holidays were nice although next yr. I plan on being closer to my boi...

This is a great thread for folks seeking more understanding of MPD. I realize now through my ignorance that I could've missed the chance to get to know lots of really great people n littles.

Thanxs again Jasmine...

I hope this thread continues for those that need it.

[Naughty Evil Faery]

I am glad to see this thread. I suffer from this mental illness. It is hard, but I get by day to day. Again I am glad this thread is here.


NEF

[Sillypoet]

My mother has MPD. I didn't know until a few years ago - I just thought that she was 'eccentric'. I didn't see my mom much growing up, my parents divorced when I was young and my father had custody. I moved in with my mother when I was 15 and figured she was just trying to be more of a friend than a mom since we were basically starting to get to know each other. Anywho, the details aren't important. What is important is that you are getting help. My mother refused treatment and continues to refuse treatment. I've seen all three of her personalities (in addition to her main personality) and they are not fun. It's hard for me to trust her (them?) since she refuses treatment - I do not allow my daughters to spend a large amount of time with her unsupervised - it really isn't safe. I wince when I pick up the phone and see her number - I just never know who I will get...literally. I love my mother - completely - but I am cautious. I know the why's and what's - when she switches and all that. Unfortunately, the two I see most often are very abusive and difficult to reason with. It's usually best to leave her alone - I know this to be fact - I found out the hard way. I don't lock her away from me or her away from my family and friends. She is my mother, I love her - period.

I do have a point - I ramble, sorry.

There are people out there who will love you for you and not look at you like a freak when you tell them that you have MPD. Not everyone can be packaged in the same box - we're all different thank goodness. I wish you the best in your future.

[ObsidianFaery]

My ex has DID and I also know a couple of other people with it also, but I'm most familiar with my ex.

I'm not going to give any of her personalities' names out, because I know they wouldn't appreciate it and even though I no longer talk to my ex or any of them, I still respect their feelings.

I knew she had it before we started dating. But the first night I met one, who was male, I ran from the room, well, walked really fast. She has at least 30 personalities, most of which are not regularly active outside herself. I became very close to four of them. And a few others, I saw on a semi-regular basis or talked with through writing.

Of the four I was very close too, 3 were males. In the end, I loved them all as much as I loved her. There were all parts of her and wonderful people. Well, in their own way. One was much more harsh then my girlfriend.

We were together for over 3 and a half years, and then continued to drag it out for another year and I longed to be able to talk to somebody. It was almost like I had a few different relationships going at once.

I think it something you should tell somebody when you feel it is right to tell them. I don't think it is something you need to tell anybody right away. I'm very glad I knew before we started dating, but I still freaked out the first time I met somebody else. I also had problems dealing with the fact that I had feelings for the males and enjoyed being close to them. But, in the end, I realized it was still a female body...it was still my girlfriend, with a little inside twist.

And it's also kind of a private "joke" between you and your lover. One of my exes personalities loved to come out and mess with people. He was so much more forceful and always had these strange ideas and nobody ever realized they were talking to somebody else, they just wondered what my girlfriend was on. And, well, we found it funny.

I think you have to watch who you tell, because you know how some people adopt things from other people? One of my ex's ex developed it suddenly after they started dating. And my ex always accused me of having it also.

Ok...enough rambling.

BTW- this is a GREAT thread

[brendan]

Some time ago I was diagnosed with DDNOS.... I question however how they can be sure... In the past year I've not really noted any "others" besides myself... then I wonder if I just melded into one? Yes there are lots of differant sides of me but isn't there to everyone. Some days I feel younger than others...sometimes I'll look in the mirror and like my hair a few minuets later look again and wonder why I liked it because it looks like crap. Some times my face looks differant a well..hmm... is that norm for being one self and not divided? Does everyone experience that... I still lose time once in a while but only short segments.... I talk to myself...like... don't you think you should.... or, hey Bren why don't you.... does everyone do that?? I don't experience much audio hallucinations anymore though I use to... maybe I have melded together? Any thoughts?
Brendan

[greytonz]

My only experience with this was a very manipulative woman who claimed MP, but I never bought it for a minute. She preyed on newly sober younger women in recovery and was really harmful. Her "personalities" showed up whenever she didn't want to take responsibility for something she did... typically something inappropriate. So, I'm not sure on this one. I remember when she was really crossing boundaries with my wife and when I confronted her, I received an email from one of her "personalities." It seemed that this was fairly common. Whenever the shit hit the fan, someone else showed up to explain. So, admittedly, my experience with this disorder is limited, and it was a terrible experience. I'm honest in saying, if I was dating someone and they told me they had MP, I'd be gone, period. And like Butch said many replies ago, if a friend claimed this, I'd create a lot of space between us. I make conscious decisions about the quality and clarity of my own life, and I just wouldn't choose that path.

[brendan]

I think their all full of it... DDNOS was a catch all they used for people who didn't meet the full criteria for mp. I've noted since I've been out of abusive relationships and in a healthy one I've not had any problems. I've also noticed latley since I've gotton on Straterra for my ADHD that I've not been missing any small fragments of time and my mind is not racey. Even at that time when I was diagnosed I never did have names for what they call others as people with mp.

When one is born into an abusive environment and you find yourself in them until you are 38, that's a lot of years of ingraining and wear on ones pysch. It is understandable that one would have problems in certain areas of their lives let alone how one copes and percieves differant situations. With that in mind, I believe the medical profession needs to be careful how they chose to tag people because they haven't the answers.

[tigerstigress]

Originally posted by Jasmine Sense
What would you do if you found out your lover/friend/or someone close to you has multipule personality disorder?

IJasmine

I would do as I always have , listen, be there and understand that everyone has a right to be heard and treated with respect. I am well aware of MPD/DID. I do have friends and ex's, that are MPD/DID and I feel that I have been very blessed with each and everyone of them comming into my life, for I have learned much. learned more tolerance and patience and understanding. At times I may be upset with someone and I will tell them so, *S* weather they like it or not and most of the time they don't like it *S* but I will always protect them.... Each and everyone are special to me *S* This is a great thread ......

[femmywemmybunny]

My experience of MPD was with an ex girlfriend of two years. It was a very stressful and painful experience. I loved her deeply but couldn't cope with her "others", does this make me a bad person, I hope not, I still think about her sometimes.

If I met someone who happened to have mpd/did etc I would hope to cope with it better, I could not have more than a friendship with them though.

BTW this is a great thread.

Hope you all have great journeys.

K.

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

I just got back online after a looooooong time with no computer, and wondered if anyone still wanted to discuss this topic.

You can see what I had to say about it back on the earlier part of this thread.... it's been about six months and things have changed a bit with my partner and the DID, because I've developed a much stronger relationship in this time with her main male protector alter, Chris. He and I are together quite a bit, though we try to share the time 50/50 for the most part...

Our biggest challenge is finding a therapist for my SO that isn't integration happy. They have no desire to integrate, and I am happy with that too, it's not as if there are destructive, out of control "others" causing problems, but s/he does need therapy for the other issues stemming from the extensive abuse from childhood, and the rapes as a teen, and so far we just don't mention it to any prospective counselors/therapists. Not the ideal though.

Has anyone read the book "First Person Plural"?? I'm halfway through it now, it's fascinating.

It's just funny, though, because I always ID'ed as bisexual, then met Lanie and started wonderin' if I was really a lesbian, and now that things have come full circle with Chris, well hell, maybe I'm bi after all, because he's *very* much a guy, and I like it. LOL.

Sheri

[HotdogBoi]

What would you do if you found out your lover/friend/or someone close to you has multipule personality disorder?

Jasmine

I wouldn't be anything else than a friend of that person. I don't want to sound cruel or anything, I don't have anything against it. But I'm not a responsible person and I don't know how to handle people with certain disorders.

I do believe in this disorder, but I'm just not made to handle it. No personal experience, just what I know about myself.

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

But it's not that bad. I might have reacted differently had I learned about the DID before we got together, but by the time I figured it out and she told me, I was in love and just tried to learn as much as I could. I couldn't handle it if there was not a system with someone in control of all that.. if there was random switching and destructive alters on the loose. ;-) But it's good, and under control, and while others don't get it, those in our household and among our circle of close friends do, so it's okay.

It's funny, though, because I've read a lot of the FTM threads and posts from SO's who say "So I fell in love with a butch woman, who now is transitioning, so what does that make ME?"... I've experienced the same thing in a sense, because I started this journey with a woman (or so i thought), and ended up in a relationship with both genders. A bit confusing!!

Sheri

[AmazonBitch]

I was so bloody shocked and amazed to discover this thread there.

Multiplicity and Ritual Abuse are topics that are swept so thoroughly under the rug that I am amazed, anyone had the guts to bring it up...especially because of people out there who a) Don't believe in it or b) Think it is sensationalism.

These two view really really piss me off. There is nothing to believe or disbelieve. Multiplicity is a fact, not a figment of some crackpot's imagination.
If the story you have heard is outlandish, and unbelievable, the worst thing you can do is to not believe. Horrendous things happen to children.

The other thing that needs to be understood - is that MPD is not a "mental illness."
It is the minds reaction to severe trauma at an early age. There is nothing unbalanced or chemically wrong with people who have MPD.

Personally, I don't like the term "suffer" from MPD. You don't suffer from MPD. You suffered from the abuse. MPD saved your mind, and saved your life. Give credit where credit is due, those personalities are not a disease, they took all the pain and abuse that the original born person couldn't handle.

There are a couple of sites on the net called "MPG: Multiple Personality Gift." I used to laugh, and think they are cheesy, but they are important. They honour the personalities that saved our lives.

If anyone wants to be educated on this topic, I suggest reading "Safe Passage to Healing", it is one of the few books out there that is written by a survivor, not some medical nin-com-poop.

There, thats my spew for the day...

Be well

AB

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

hey AB, thanks for posting.

I know that I take risks of ridicule when I talk freely about my SO's MPD/DID... but if any disbeliever were to just live with my SO for a week or two, you'd understand. There's no way to "fake" that to that extent.

at times i'm actually a bit jealous of the others.. i was abused sexually as a child and became able to dissociate to a high degree, but i was a bit older and it wasn't the same and i didn't mentally 'split', which sometimes seems like it would be nice, to get a mental break from things while someone else takes over. :)

sheri

[AmazonBitch]

Righteous...It just gets my back up to some degree, when people start referring to MPD as a "disease" or a "mental illness." We were very lucky children to withstand that hell that we are going through, and need to honour our process. I think it is entirely too easy to internalize the messages that there is something wrong with us, that we are damaged, or "sick."

I am not saying it is easy, or a bed of freaking roses. God knows flashbacks, triggers, memories, reliving the trauma, all of these things are horrible and debilitating. But it is important to remember, that MPD is what saved us, and not what we suffer from. We suffered from abuse, we are not mentally fucked or unbalanced people. Our alters, our inside houses make our lives more complicated at times, but to this day they exist to aid us in our process and recovery.

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

AB, i'm with you. the only difference in my SO and myself is that the abuse in my SO's case started at a younger age, increasing the likeliness of the "splintering" happening, and it went on longer and was more severe. I've got all kinds of childhood trauma but because I didn't develop DID, no one considers me to be "messed up", but s/he gets that ALL THE TIME it seems. My mom didn't even know about the DID, just the abuse and rapes s/he'd suffered, and automatically assumed that s/he was someone to be "wary of" and that s/he was "unstable" because of the fact that she'd survived so much. WTF?? The irony, of course, is that I've been through much of the same but never told my mom, so she has no reason to suspect that I'd be "unstable". Silly ass woman.

In my previous post I said I'm jealous of the others. I didn't say that the way I wanted to.. what I meant was sometimes I'm a bit envious of my SO in that s/he has this totally capable, strong, "get with the program" alter who can take over and give her a mental vacation when things are too much. When things are too much in my mind, it's still "just me", I'm still totally in the present and just stuck freaking out, fighting the urge to self-mutilate, etc.

Sheri

[AmazonBitch]

Sheri...No explanation needed girl, I totally get it. My partner feels that same way. She wasn't abused, but has a whole ton of health-related shit thats been thrown on her plate, that she never gets a break from.

If you or your partner ever want to chat, have a sympathetic ear or just talk to someone who knows the score...drop me a line :)

[wildfemme1]

I have been reading these posts here nad have found them very interesting... My ex has Borderline Personality Disorder. It is similar to having multiples but there is no memory loss no individual personalities where one does not recall what the other does etc... but there are definately personality switches...childlike phases, wonderful phases, violent phases that all come out at different points in time. One minute she would be loving and kind the next violent hateful and irrational.She has no control over the transition which happens very rapidly.Every emotion she experienced was extreme and wildly intense....she was never just a little sad or a little angry or a little happy. I saw another post here about someone who had a dissociative disorder but was not given a diagnosis and it sounded exactly like BPD. BPD's also tend to be violent where as MPD I think to not lean that way as much. BPD's also tend to be suicidal and self mutilate...such as arm cutting etc....From much research that I have done they have linked this disorder to first a genetic predisposition but also couple with an abusive childhood that included abandonment issues. (She was abused sexually and physically as a child and then abandoned by her mother at 9mos old only to go through more physical,sexual &verbal abuse. She would have nightmares about it at night and talk about it in her sleep it was terrible.) I was very much in love with my ex and we were together for almost three years. When we first got together she did not tell me what was wrong because she did not know. She had never had a formal diagnosis. Well I knew something was wrong immediately and started scheduling psychiological appointments for her. She has been on every med I can think of and they either did not work or left her so "out of it " that I would literally have to carry her to the bathroom. Needless to say it was an emotional roller coaster for me. I am a very strong independant individual and I was basically worn away to nothing because I was using every spare bit of my emotional energy to care for her. One moment she couldn't live w/o me the next she hated me, two minutes later she was curled up in a ball sucking her thumb and then a minute after that she was punching holes in the walls and throwing everything w/in a three foot radius.(Ususally at me). There were sometimes "triggers" to her behavior but that was not always necessary. When I got to a point when I felt I had done everything I could for her and it was time for me to move out, she became very violent and flipped ... It took evey bit of strength I had to get out of there with some of my own sanity left. I do not know if she will ever get better or if she will ever be happy. I hope that for her...and after about three months of being away from her, we got back in touch and now we are friends..we do not spend a lot of time together or anything (by my choice) but she knows where I am and that she can call me when things are bad and she just needs to talk. I am usually able to calm her down and make her feel better. But at times it can be very draining. My entire family hates her because of everything I went through with her and they do not have any understanding of her illness nor do they want to but I do what I can for her in terms of just listening and giving advise when appropriate.

My advice to anyone who may become involved with anyone who has such a disorder, be very careful...#1 - you cannot fix that person, and must accept them exactly as they are.
#2 - be prepared for experiencing what it feels like to have a mental illness because as close as you will become to that person, you will experience everthing they do and it can be exhausting.
#3 - Do not involve children (if you have them) in the situation because although you may be able to handle - it they will not.

As for me I have done what I can for who I can and at this point in my life, I would not date anyone with DID/MPD/BPD. Just because I finally have stability and balance back in my life and that is the way I intend to keep it. I would not wish the things she experienced on my worst enemy.

[AmazonBitch]

Wildfemme...

I don't much about borderline, or have ever known anyone who was, but to me it sounds hella different from MPD. We aren't moody or unstable. Sometimes we have alters that are, but they aren't in control. Thats the point of the system, we have alters that are able to function for us in a healthy way when we are unable.

I know that it can be hard to be with us, cuz sometimes we are in a lot of pain about lives, and sometimes we need to ask our partners not to do completely normal things (like locking doors or running a bath, anything that triggers scary memories from our past)

But other than being accepting that we can be a little scattered at times, making our home safe for everyone and being willing to love and accept our kidz, we are pretty normal people.

I know you are just relating your own experience, but as someone with MPD, I really don't see a connection b/w borderline and me.

Jut food for thought.

[drummergrrl77]

well i have something similar to "the dead zone" that rightous babe was talking about many posts ago. i think that i never "split" as a child because i am the protector of others. splitting, to me, means losing control over myself. and that's what i beefed up on after the abuse ended. i became a total control freak. i keep most of it to myself. others would describe me as laid back. but there are moment when i get the most indescribable "flight" feeling. i turn to my girlfriend and i say "ok, i have to get out of here." and i leave. sometimes i don't even turn back to see if she's there. we've had lots of fights over this, and it's still something i'm trying to work on. it's very difficult. it's the one feeling i can't supress! something comes over me. a crowd's too big, the music's too loud, .. i just get over-stimulated and i have to run away fast.

well... i went off on a tangent there. anyways, my point was the Dead Zone. i used to call it my "funk". i remember telling my best friend growing up that "i wouldn't kill myself, but if i walked in front of a moving truck, i wouldn't care". it was something like that. same thing now that i'm an adult. i would never kill myself. i can't even cut myself because it would raise questions i don't want to answer. but i slip into oblivion and it doesn't leave until i fall asleep and start the next day fresh.

good luck with MPD... i am learning more about it by reading what you guys are all talking about.

elizabeth

[sexymutha]

hey everyone,
my name is chris, im sure you've heard alot about me in this thread. as for being a multiple its not so bad, especially for my host. she can escape from reality and the constant stresses of life which she dont handle very well, due to her trauma. ive been out more here lately,and fell deeply in love and now i dont want to go back inside. i have to though to take care of the little ones,since i have more of a fatherly role than oliver who is another alter. so ive really gotten to know righteousbabe and were alot closer than in the beginning.and more compatible than she and my host are.my host doesnt want to intergrate because than she couldnt escape. and shes fine with me being out more. dont get me wrong she loves righteousbabe she just doesnt want to fight with her. she has so much anger its hard for her to control it and thats why i am out more. thats the way we both want it to be. any questions,just ask!
PEACE

[skittles_girl]

I can't believe this forum is in here. Thanks to whoever it was that started it. I've been diagnosed with DID for a year-and-a-half now and it's been the most intense time period of my life--that I can remember, that is. I don't remember much of my childhood, just bits and pieces of it. My ex lefet me because she couldn't handle my "issues" She knew up front exactly what I had and what all had happened to me abuse wise, and all along she was totally confident, and verbally assuring that she could handle it, but when one of my depression episodes hit she decided that was just too much and she chose to find comfort? love? sex? in someone else's bed ooops, meant to say arms. I had been asking her to get familiar with DID and what all it was about, and about cutting, because I have personalities that cut and burn, and that have attempted suicide by slicing our wrist--several times. But she never would. So to anyone that says they would be willing to find out more about it and stay friends with someone I applaud you... all my friends left me except one. Anyone that loves someone with DID, yes it is difficult but if you can support that person you are a strong person, and someone to be admired.

We have suffered so much betrayal and damage, abuse, rejection, abandonment, physical harm in our lives that caused us to split in order to stay alive, so thank you for staying by your friend or loved one to be their support. It means more than you can imagine.

[sexymuthas_babygirl]

skittles girl: hey, any time you wanna talk were here.
righteousbabe and sexymutha

[AmazonBitch]

It's so cool that this thread has kept going, I totally figured it would have died out by now. So Yay!!!!!

It can be really reallly hard. I spent two years, just fucked. Absolutely a freaking mess, while I processed it all, and got my "house" organized.

I had a really good partner who was able to go through it with me and still is.
She was a godsend, don't get me wrong we have had some serious rockiness in our life together - she is also disabled and was addicted to codeine for many years, so things have been really really hard - especially when we needed someone and for our own reasons weren't able to be there for each other.

But, if you ask me, its usually the people who have a ton of shit on their plate, their own major issues and problems who do stick around and support you. Which is something that I find amazing, I have found in my life people who don't have many problems are usually the ones who aren't willing to help, and those who haven't got much to give are the ones who give all they've got.

[SpinxxieFairy]

This is a great thread... I am suprised more people don't have MPD, especially those who have gone through long term abuse/trauma. I had a friend who is MPD, and I could tell when she changed personalities.. it showed up in physical ways..voice, posture and attitude. I have less of problem with this, then say someone who is bi-polar, unstable and won't take medication. I think MPD is a coping mechanism - and as long as we are open and understanding.. It doesn't bother me. I dated someone who said they were... but I think it was just aspects of the person, and not true MPD, since I had been around a MPD person already.
Being a survivor of serious long term abuse, I am suprised I dont have MPD.. I do dissociate when I feel vulnerable..but I think many do.. I get cold.. and aloof..

This is an awesome thread.. and I hate that there is stigma attached to people who are different.. I am very cautious of telling people that I have depression... and it isn't something that will just go away... I will have to take medication for the rest of my life.. shrugs.. but it is me..

kudos for starting this thread..

Hugs SpinxxieFairy

[skittles_girl]

I just got back home from the hospital again.... (6th time I've had to go in 18 months.)

My alters are getting very active again, this is the third year now that I have seen this pattern. One took over while I was typing an email earlier today, I didn't even know it until I got a reply back and saw what was written in the subject... (the main deal was the picture I sent)... it made NO SENSE what so ever and then it ended with a big THANX!!!! 1) I don't ever spell thanks that way 2) I was sending a picture of my son out.... NOT requesting anything 3)it just plain didn't make sense at the end of the text. UGH! I've been losing time a lot more frequently too. I need to figure out what this time of year is about I guess. As my therapist would say... "ask inside" Bring on the fun........ :(

[sweetboi2]

I am here for skittles girl....to better understand and be a friend......I know a bit about therapy and therapists....but my own issues centered around post traumatic syndrome....though I know that there is not a very thick thread that seperates one mental and emotional struggle from the next......I grew up with a stepfather who had a mental breakdown when I was a kid.....all the things before the breakdown and after the breakdown made no sense at all to me as a child.....there was physical abuse and other more personal things that I wont go into just because of the nature of the things and because of the privacy......and because I have dealt with them with a therapist....and have survived.....and well as other members of my family have......I am awed by the strength in this thread...amazed at the human will to survive and thrive.....my most admiral thoughts too all here....and skittles girl.....my thoughts are with u......I am will to learn and understand.....sweetboi2

[Rainbow Skittles]

I just wanted to note that previously someone stated that they knew someone who had Post Traumatic Stress (mpd) as if the two are the same.

Post Traumatic Stress is a diagnosis in and of itself. It can be diagnosed singularly or it can exist as a co-diagnosis with Dissociative Identity Disorder or a myriad of other disorders as well.

DID (DSM dx) can exist with or without PTSD. Theoretically DID does not nec have to be a result of abuse, however I believe that most professionals would agree that DID tends to be abuse-related. On the other side, not everyone who has been abused becomes a "multiple" (the common term used).

As far as "stories" and believing them or not. Most professionals that work with patients with DID agree that generally an alternate personality is formed under EXTREME durress. Therefore, the "stories" are not going to be the run of the mill - I failed a test so an alternate personality was formed to deal with it.

As far as DID being classified as a disorder....DID is a NORMAL reaction to very ABNORMAL circumstances. I also agree with what someone stated earlier that the circumstances were disordered not the person and that the diagnosis implies that there is something "disordered" about the person who carries such a label. But, I think it should also be clarified that having different "facets" of one's personality is NOT the same as having DID. Also, the names of the personalities are in NO way a determiner of whether someone does or does not have DID. Many times there is more than one personality that shares pieces or dirrivatives (sp?) of the host's name.

Host = the personality that is considered to be primary - the name that generally goes along with the body that the person was born into - however, each person with DID is unique.

I worked for some time in a counseling center that specialized in treating people with DID. When I initially saw this thread I was VERY concerned about people voicing VERY intimate things about themselves in such a public forum. I also know that combatting the secrecy surrounding DID is a very important step. May much peace and healing be with you all as you continue your journey!

[sweetboi2]

I hope u werent referring to my post skittles..I was simply sharing my own struggless with my own diagnosis of post traumatic syndrome...with those here in this thread...I didnt mean for it to come across as meaning that PSD and DID or MPD are one in the same..........I just wanted skittles girl to know that I understand she is struggling and that I have had my own struggles and that I am willing to understand and learn about her struggles.............sb2






I just wanted to note that previously someone stated that they knew someone who had Post Traumatic Stress (mpd) as if the two are the same.

Post Traumatic Stress is a diagnosis in and of itself. It can be diagnosed singularly or it can exist as a co-diagnosis with Dissociative Identity Disorder or a myriad of other disorders as well.

DID (DSM dx) can exist with or without PTSD. Theoretically DID does not nec have to be a result of abuse, however I believe that most professionals would agree that DID tends to be abuse-related. On the other side, not everyone who has been abused becomes a "multiple" (the common term used).

As far as "stories" and believing them or not. Most professionals that work with patients with DID agree that generally an alternate personality is formed under EXTREME durress. Therefore, the "stories" are not going to be the run of the mill - I failed a test so an alternate personality was formed to deal with it.

As far as DID being classified as a disorder....DID is a NORMAL reaction to very ABNORMAL circumstances. I also agree with what someone stated earlier that the circumstances were disordered not the person and that the diagnosis implies that there is something "disordered" about the person who carries such a label. But, I think it should also be clarified that having different "facets" of one's personality is NOT the same as having DID. Also, the names of the personalities are in NO way a determiner of whether someone does or does not have DID. Many times there is more than one personality that shares pieces or dirrivatives (sp?) of the host's name.

Host = the personality that is considered to be primary - the name that generally goes along with the body that the person was born into - however, each person with DID is unique.

I worked for some time in a counseling center that specialized in treating people with DID. When I initially saw this thread I was VERY concerned about people voicing VERY intimate things about themselves in such a public forum. I also know that combatting the secrecy surrounding DID is a very important step. May much peace and healing be with you all as you continue your journey!

[Rainbow Skittles]

I hope u werent referring to my post skittles..I was simply sharing my own struggless with my own diagnosis of post traumatic syndrome...with those here in this thread...I didnt mean for it to come across as meaning that PSD and DID or MPD are one in the same..........I just wanted skittles girl to know that I understand she is struggling and that I have had my own struggles and that I am willing to understand and learn about her struggles.............sb2


Actually - I'm not sure if it was you or not - I just noted that I saw it and it "appeared" that way to me. Not an accusation - I just wanted to clarify for people who aren't really familiar with the Dx stuff in case they read it the same way I did.

I think it is wonderful that people are sharing and I hope this continues to be as supportive for people as it has been. (f)

[skittles_girl]

I am here for skittles girl....to better understand and be a friend......I know a bit about therapy and therapists....but my own issues centered around post traumatic syndrome....though I know that there is not a very thick thread that seperates one mental and emotional struggle from the next......I grew up with a stepfather who had a mental breakdown when I was a kid.....all the things before the breakdown and after the breakdown made no sense at all to me as a child.....there was physical abuse and other more personal things that I wont go into just because of the nature of the things and because of the privacy......and because I have dealt with them with a therapist....and have survived.....and well as other members of my family have......I am awed by the strength in this thread...amazed at the human will to survive and thrive.....my most admiral thoughts too all here....and skittles girl.....my thoughts are with u......I am will to learn and understand.....sweetboi2


sweetboi2, I read this post AFTER I replied to the PM you sent, and now your PM makes much more sense to me. And I am very very very touched by your kindness, thoughtfulness, and your willingness to look deeper. You are a rare find and I am so honored that you are willing to be an ear for me and more importantly you are offering me the gift of friendship. Thank you. You truely are a very sweet boi. (k)

[Butchie]

Skittles girl,
This person was absolutely wrong to post such personal information.

I have reported it to a moderator and hopefully, it will be taken care of.

peace to you.

Butchie

[femme_merlot]

Skittles, if you ever want to talk about DID issues, please feel free to contact me privately. i have some experience with this and can lend an educated ear and warm shoulder to lean on.

~merlot~(w)(u)

[femme_merlot]

DID usually develops as a response to extreme, often repeated, trauma at a very early age. in these situations, the response is either to totally fall apart or develop others to deal with a situation that is otherwise unbearable. those with DID are for the most part highly intelligent and creative individuals. exploring the world of DID is intriguing and sometimes mystical. each individual develops her/hys own way of structuring the world of the alters, some choosing to integrate after therapy, others choose to stay as a group of alters. it takes a good and experienced therapist to allow this to happen, as integration is seen as the desirable norm.

~merlot~ (w)(u)

[skittles_girl]

Thank you Butchie, I chose just to ignore her post because she and I both know the truth of what happened and I know the truth of what is. I refust to lower myself to any kind of "war" or name calling type of games in communities that are meant to bring people together.

femme_merlot, you hit the nail on the head with your synopsis of what DID is. I am working toward integration. I was dignosed in February of 2002, and actually I am very lucky, because I was dignosed correctly on my very first hospitalization, I had only been in therapy about 6 months when I got the diagnosis, where as a lot of people get mis-diagnosed for years before they are correctly diagnosed and can begin to put the pieces back together.

I still have a hard time accepting the diagnosis sometimes. I'll get into this place where I just can't believe it is real and I'll get stuck there for weeks, and my therapist just tells me, yeah, ok... just remember what happens when you stay in this kind of denial, and I usually snap out of it pretty quick because my alters don't let me stay there long before they start acting out. Then its pretty hard to deny.

They (my alters) have been really active lately and have been causing a lot of disorientation, time loss, memory lapses, anger outbursts, major mood swings, deep depression... it's been hard for the past couple of months or so. It gets like this usually before something big comes up, so I am trying to practice all of the coping skills I know and keep them in the forefront of my mind.

I can feel them when they come up close, which is quite often, and they are trying to come out, or just look out through my eyes. My eyes start to do this weird thing... I don't know what it looks like but it feels strange and I know that they must look really weird.

I am supposed to be working on my "mom issues"... I've been working on them since last September... and they are never going to go away! I am so frustrated. I just really don't know what to do next or how to go about processing anything more. I've deciphered between my fantasy mom and my real mom, I've recognized that my mother will NEVER be able to be that fantasy mom, she will NEVER meet my needs as a child, as her adult daughter, she will NEVER be there for me, never has, isn't now, won't ever be. It has gotten so bad with her that I have had to cut all ties with her because I can't work on the issues and still have any sort of contact with her. She is the one that hurt me the most as a young infant. I have got to grieve what was not, and what will never be, as well as the brutal and horrifying things she did to me.

I guess this post is rambling on long enough... I just really needed to put it out somewhere in words. I can always type better than I can write in my journal, and I know--writing it from my hand is much more beneficial and theraputic, but it flows better for me if I type it. I'm not really looking for any feedback on this unless someone just feels like they need to respond to it, it is really just for me to try and get some of the stuff out of my head and into a semi-clear place for me to read them.

[Hercrzygirl]

Skittles girl,
This person was absolutely wrong to post such personal information.

I have reported it to a moderator and hopefully, it will be taken care of.

peace to you.

Butchie


Butchie,

You know nothing of our situation or the past situation, and if skittles_girl wants to deal with me in such a manner, then she will do so. I spoke nothing but the truth, and she is the one who put it out there to begin with. I was simply defending myself as she deliberately said what she said on here. If you don't know the truth and the situation, then it is not at all your place to get involved. Please refrain further from getting involved in my business or anything I have to say to anyone else. If you have a problem with something about me or what I have to say, let me know. Otherwise, mind your own business. There is no need for you to be all up in mine. Thanks...

Hercrzygirl

[Rainbow Skittles]

Butchie,

You know nothing of our situation or the past situation, and if skittles_girl wants to deal with me in such a manner, then she will do so. I spoke nothing but the truth, and she is the one who put it out there to begin with. I was simply defending myself as she deliberately said what she said on here. If you don't know the truth and the situation, then it is not at all your place to get involved. Please refrain further from getting involved in my business or anything I have to say to anyone else. If you have a problem with something about me or what I have to say, let me know. Otherwise, mind your own business. There is no need for you to be all up in mine. Thanks...

Hercrzygirl


If you have a beef with someone take it private or don't mention names. I also am reporting your post. If you don't want people to mind your business then take it private. She said what she said but I had no idea who she was talking about until YOU came on the thread and put it out there. Quite frankly, it's information I'd had rather NOT known.

This has been a forum for discussion and I hope it stays that way.

[Miz Chris]

Hercrzygirl,

Your posts in this forum are inappropriate. Do not bring personal issues here, deal with this privately. This is your only warning. Have any questions pm me.

Back to the discussion.