Stone Butch

[trinshadow]

Ok so, the flipside to 'soft butch', 'stone butch'

What makes a stone butch, stone. I only own a few tools (I have nowhere to use or store any more than I have) I wear a dress when someone is getting married or has passed away (and feel like I'm in drag the entire time) and like to help and support my friends. I'm (I'd like to hope) a good listener and able to have empathy for the person I'm listening to. That all being said, I still call myself a stone butch.
Why? Because the kind of woman I'm looking for is, in many ways, my polar opposite. She will be soft, where I am hard (no, not there! lol) she will be accepting of what I have to give. She will be independant and strong, but at the same time fragile. Like a rose, with the thorns, she will need to be nurtured and cared for with tender love, but god help the person who isn't careful, she'll bite. The image in my head conforms very much to what I've discovered were traditional 'male' values in the 50's or so (Without my insictance that she not work) so, in the end, I say I am stone.

What does stone look like to you?

SpikeLee aka trinshadow

[FemmeLovinBoi]

You can find a ton of information and numerous threads addressing Stone Butch. Just do a search and you'll find them.

[Ladyfire]

Trinshadow,

In my experience you are not a stone. What I received from a stone butch was a cold,uncaring,rude, immature, argumentative
and child hating/femme bashing nightmare to say the least. It was like trying to defrost an igloo.lol...From my soul search & path to forgive myself for the person I had brought to me I was blessed with the most wonderful butch in this universe....Now I belong to Torip and the children & myself can live and breathe in
real time again....Blessings to you....Ladyfire(x)

[butchbiscuit]

no offense Ladyfire, but it's very limiting to group ALL stone butches under your one umbrella...i'm sorry that you met a stone that behaved badly towards you, but please do not assume that ALL stone butches are like that...for example, there are some very fine ones here on the site...

bb

[audacious1]

Thanks biscuit!

Ladyfire, that was no stone, that was just an asshole and assholes can be found under any "label" (or rock).

~ MrBent

[trinshadow]

Well what can I say to that, perhaps I'm not a stone.

Spike

[Ladyfire]

THis is for Biscut & Mr. Bent,

You are both probably correct!!! Though this experience turned me "stone-cold" to any future relations with a stone-butch it let me know what I did not want. I have been out for over 30 years
and have never been with any other but a butch so it is not like I
am the new gurl on the block. Trinshadow was just to warm and sensitive to carry the persona I experienced. Or maybe there are degrees of stones and I just had the coldest of all. I am sure there are warm ones somewhere but not interested in finding any.......Blessings.....Ladyfire

This is for Trinshadow,

You are just to warm to be a stone as I was introduced to stones. but we are all free to be who we choose to anyways....
Good-luck on your journey to find out who you truly are.....Blessings.....Ladyfire(x)

[trinshadow]

Uh ok, well then. Thanks for your opinion Ladyfire

[Awetum]

Originally posted by Ladyfire

You are just to warm to be a stone as I was introduced to stones. but we are all free to be who we choose to anyways....
Good-luck on your journey to find out who you truly are.....Blessings.....Ladyfire(x)


That follows much like the saying, "Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle."

What does warm have to do with stone butch?

I'm very sorry you had a bad experience Ladyfire...truely. But your posts so far on the subject have been extremely bigoted, and rather ugly. Using one person's very bad behavior as representative of an entire group of people has gotten whole countries into big messes.

"In my experience with a _____, s/he was rude, cold, and cruel. Everyone is entitled to be who they are, but you'll never catch me with a _____ again. And no, MY FRIEND, you are not a _____ because you are not those bad things."

Fill in those blanks with any 'label' you like. Try it with race. How does it make you sound?

Nobody can or would force you to date a stone butch again. However, making statements that stone butches are X, Y or Z because of ONE experience you had with one bad egg who called hymself a stone butch shows considered ignorance.

I wish better for you and hope that others with more patience that I have might be able to offer something.

[Leesa]

I must agree with the others that lack of "warmth" of personality is not necessarily what is meant by stone in stone butch. In my experience it is not synonymous at all. One of my best friends is as stone as they come and she is the most open, funny and warm individual I have ever met in my entire 37 years.

Stone is about how a butch relates to hys grrl and she to him. You are most defintely not new on the block but it sounds like you have unfortunately met a rather terrible example of humanity claiming to be something that the rest of us and those who identify that way would not want hyr to be a part of .

Keep looking out there and try not to let the bitterness take over even though it can be very hard when we have been damaged by others. ( I know I was in a 5 year abusive relationship)

[girlina]

for s...

blood from a stone

midnight moon creeps its glow across your bed
I watch you slumber
rhythmic rise and fall of your breath
ripples the muscles across your back
hesitant fingers outstretched to
trace each battle scar
invisible on your skin
burned into your flesh

at daybreak you will
traverse a treacherous path across
two worlds
the bridge narrow
I will watch with proud fear from
the foggy cliffs of the ravine
marveled by your aerialist bravado
breath in throat

now in the morphean depths of dark
my silk curves across your granite muscles
this soft body entwines your limbs
sculpting you a sanctuary until sunrise

-----------------

LadyFire:

You know, I have often found that to dismiss a whole group of people because of one bad experience is one of the saddest things to witness. Being Asian, I experience this phenomenon in many big and little ways. Even when it's a *positive* experience someone refers to and I am equated with that, it makes me feel small, invisible. I want to be seen as an individual person, not part of some mass entity.

I am so sorry you had this heartbreaking experience. Assholism seems to be a fault that crosses all sorts of barriers. And I may be out of line in telling you this, but sweetie, it's time to let it go. You have a new life, a new happiness. But if you don't let go of the old bitterness, it's like poisoning the well. You won't ever be able to fully, super deep down inside enjoy the new stuff. Why let that person continue to blight your days? Let it all go and they have no more power over you.

I wrote the poem I posted above for a stone butch. I probably experienced one of the worst heartbreaks ever with him, because sometimes, through no one's fault, things just don't work out. But through it all, I learned something. I learned how to really love someone. He gave me that. He made me feel beautiful at a time when I really, really needed it. I learned that I could look at someone and want more than a companion, I could want a spouse. I learned that I deserved more, that I didn't have to settle. He lent me that solid stone core of his so that I could open myself up. He unlocked doors I didn't even know I had. Sure it hurt when we parted, just like it does with any parting, but I'm a better woman now for having known him.

So my final words to you are this... Open your hand up, let it all go. All the hurt, the anger, the bitterness - just let it all drift away.

(l) xo-Gee

[CalifBadBoy03]

Originally posted by butchbiscuit
no offense Ladyfire, but it's very limiting to group ALL stone butches under your one umbrella...i'm sorry that you met a stone that behaved badly towards you, but please do not assume that ALL stone butches are like that...for example, there are some very fine ones here on the site...

bb


Here, Here BB!! Well said and I coudnt agree with you more....

Being stone is simple for me and I have said it before.....
Its not about "what" I am, but "who" I am.....Stone means to me that I use male pronouns, dont want to be touched in feminizing ways, and is the core of my being....
I will soon be 38, and have been completely out as butch/stone butch since I was 15 y/o....Ive only been with women in my sexuality, have never been with any bio males < ughhh >....I knew at a young age what I wanted...

Stone for me has nothing to do with how I relate to anyone else, but the identity I am comfortable with within myself.....In that I dont care what anyone else thinks....

I am warm, compassionate, loving, tender, affectionate, etc......Not only towards my girl, but also to those close to me in my personal life such as family and friends......

I also wanna know as Awetum said.....What does warm have to do with being stone???

I am sorry that some have had "bad" experiences with stones..but perhaps it wasnt about identity, but who they were inside, basically having nothing to do with "stone identity"...

"Cheers Girlina! " :)

[Awetum]

Girlina? :) You said it all so sweetly and with care. (I could barely hold back raging bitch....'nother thread eh? ;) )

Thanks for being so eloquent...

[trinshadow]

I'd just like to thank everyone for the positive replies they've posted. I appreciate your support very much

Ciao

Spike

[gayla]

Originally posted by CalifBadBoy03
...Ive only been with women in my sexuality, have never been with any bio males < ughhh >....

The fact that I 'have' been with bio males (and it may or may not have been an ughh) has absolutely no bearing on or connection to my identity as stone.

g

[Stonebutch_Didi]

Wholeheartedly agreeing with folks who are stating that those negative adjectives mentioned have nothing to do with a stone butch ID or with any other IDs... It’s all related to a certain person’s -whatever ID s/he is using or not- own actions, behaviour, personality etc.

My IDing stone means to me that I’m not comfortable with being touched in a feminizing way, not comfortable with being referred to with female pronouns and it’s very important to me that a woman I’m interacting with is aware of and respecting my boundaries and that she is embracing my masculinity in every possible way. This is how I ID myself stone.

I too am very impressed with Girlina's words and also with other insightful posts by other folks :)

[FemmeLovinBoi]

Originally posted by Ladyfire


You are just to warm to be a stone as I was introduced to stones. but we are all free to be who we choose to anyways....
Good-luck on your journey to find out who you truly are.....Blessings.....Ladyfire(x)

I really resent this statement Ladyfire. I haven't read bigotry like this in a long time.

I am sorry you met the stone that you did but he/she was as Audy said, an asshole and you can find that under any lable you choose. You are entitled to your opinion but it would be appreciated if you would show some respect to the stones here that do not fall into the cold, hard, asshole category you just lumped us all in.

And with all due respect Ladyfire, it is truly very sad to live your life with such bigotry and closed mindness.

[CalifBadBoy03]

Originally posted by gayla
The fact that I 'have' been with bio males (and it may or may not have been an ughh) has absolutely no bearing on or connection to my identity as stone.

g


But it does to mine as well as many other factors.....

[Ms_Vixen]

I've been consciously staying out of this thread, waiting for someone else to say it, but seeing no one's going to, here goes....

Hmmm.... warmth and Stones.

Being a Stone certainly doesn't make one an a**hole.
Being a Stone certainly doesn't make one less caring or warm or affectionate.

However, and this is only my take on it...
Stones do seem to have a tendency to hold their emotions in, and if you are interacting with one of those, unless you understand the dynamic they can sometimes come across as cold and uncaring - which is usually the furthest thing from the truth. In fact, I think Stones experience emotions as deeply and personally as anyone, but they do often tend to hold them in. Or maybe they just don't spend as much time "processing" them with others.

Think "Stone Butch Blues", there's a whole heap of stuff in there about the phenomenon, so I know I'm not completely alone in my perspective.