View Full Version : I'm really confused, can someone help???
Khris526
10-25-2003, 01:31 PM
Ok, well I am going to try the crap I am in and maybe someone out there can try to help explain it to me and explain what to do to get myself out of this mess or to make things better... here goes...
Ok, I met someone, the womyn of my dreams, she is everything I have ever wanted in a womyn and everything I could ever ask for in a womyn, but she lives 2000 miles away from me... that isn't the only bad part, here is the thing, we have both agreed that it is only best that we both move on and see other people and just be friends, but when I tried doing that it didn't work out too well for me, well me wanting this friendship to work out I just kept my mouth shut about how I really feel about her, hoping that one day she would feel the same way as I do, well that one day came, but now she has got someone else in the way of us happening... we both know that if it is going to work that we are going to have to close this distance some how, but right now I can move there and the US isn't letting anyone into the country right now,(as far as to live) so right now we are in this jam, and we go like weeks without talking but when we do talk it is amazing, she takes my breath away everytime I hear her call my name... I have never felt like this for anyone and we both know that if we were closer to each other we would be together and we would be doing great... the other thing is, everytime we have ever tried to plan a trip to be together things have always fallen apart with it...
Ok here is my question... Am I supposed to just tell my heart to shut up and move on cause it looks like things are never going to happen, or am I supposed to push my hardest and make things happen??? I know she is feeling the same cause she is one of those types who isn't going to lie about her feelings, she is going to be point blank with you... and I gave her her space and now she is back, what do I do???? I am so hopeless in love with her that I am starting to go crazy... someone please help me....
nottheoldest
10-25-2003, 08:23 PM
i'm not too good on giving, much less taking advice. but i feel real bad for you. i do know this, even though it seems everything is going wrong it does get better. hope you don't have to hurt to long.
LadyFL69
10-25-2003, 09:01 PM
Originally posted by Khris526
Ok, well I am going to try the crap I am in and maybe someone out there can try to help explain it to me and explain what to do to get myself out of this mess or to make things better... here goes...
Ok, I met someone, the womyn of my dreams, she is everything I have ever wanted in a womyn and everything I could ever ask for in a womyn, but she lives 2000 miles away from me... that isn't the only bad part, here is the thing, we have both agreed that it is only best that we both move on and see other people and just be friends, but when I tried doing that it didn't work out too well for me, well me wanting this friendship to work out I just kept my mouth shut about how I really feel about her, hoping that one day she would feel the same way as I do, well that one day came, but now she has got someone else in the way of us happening... we both know that if it is going to work that we are going to have to close this distance some how, but right now I can move there and the US isn't letting anyone into the country right now,(as far as to live) so right now we are in this jam, and we go like weeks without talking but when we do talk it is amazing, she takes my breath away everytime I hear her call my name... I have never felt like this for anyone and we both know that if we were closer to each other we would be together and we would be doing great... the other thing is, everytime we have ever tried to plan a trip to be together things have always fallen apart with it...
Ok here is my question... Am I supposed to just tell my heart to shut up and move on cause it looks like things are never going to happen, or am I supposed to push my hardest and make things happen??? I know she is feeling the same cause she is one of those types who isn't going to lie about her feelings, she is going to be point blank with you... and I gave her her space and now she is back, what do I do???? I am so hopeless in love with her that I am starting to go crazy... someone please help me....
Kris,
Not knowing all the details, this is based on what you wrote.
She now has someone else. Yes? If so, she has to chooses to let that one go on her own AND ONLY THEN it is fine for you to pursuit this further in the future. If she does not, you need to stay away. That is the ethical thing to do.
As far as bridging the long distance gap? If there is a will there is a way. If the US will not let her come here, you can go there (wherever this is) and if neither is an option, let it go. One of you will have to make the move and if neither of you is willing to change life completely (move to another country and all that goes with it), the ‘potential’ relationship apparently does not hold that much weight to make someone change a life completely?
On the other hand, she can always come here on an education or work visa, temporarily, as you both decide if this is IT. You can do the same in some form with her country. Unless whatever situation you have prevents this (like kids/parents, etc) and then you will have to make a choice.
As I said, as rough as it may sound, where there is a will, there is a way. You already know the answer to your question. It is within you. Follow it, no matter how hard it may appear to do so.
LadyFL69
Khris526
10-25-2003, 09:29 PM
I got to talk to her today and she has ended the thing with the other person she was kind of "seeing" so now it is just back to us, but like I said, right now things are just so rough cause we are so far apart... and yes I do know the saying "where there is a will there is a way" very well... and that is what I am kind of depending on right now, but until her and I can be together what am I supposed to do to ease the pain of being alone and being so far away from the one I love???
LadyFL69
10-25-2003, 09:49 PM
Originally posted by Khris526
I got to talk to her today and she has ended the thing with the other person she was kind of "seeing" so now it is just back to us, but like I said, right now things are just so rough cause we are so far apart... and yes I do know the saying "where there is a will there is a way" very well... and that is what I am kind of depending on right now, but until her and I can be together what am I supposed to do to ease the pain of being alone and being so far away from the one I love???
Kris,
Glad to hear it appears that she is free.
The pain of seperation is (and will be) part of it. Learn to live with it and make the best of it without unloading it to her. I am sure it is as difficult for her as it is for you.
How about daily/weekly IM’s. With a webcam!!!!!! Works wonders. Netmeeting is great for it, free. Daily emails. An online journal (xanga.com...its free) where you can express how you feel and she can access it anytime she wants. Have her do the same.
I once had a long distance relationship for 2 ˝ years (with intermittent visits in person, every 3-4 months) until the person relocated. What kept is alive was the willingness for both parties to look at a long distance relationship no different then if someone would be right next to you in person. You share the ups and downs, the highs and lows and are part of each others life as you would in person. I would also advice you to get a ‘friend’ who is seriously neutral or even someone who has experience with long distance relationships (successfully) to be your sounding board when the emotions get to much. Keep it even keeled at all times since emotional overreaction in such situations is 'relationship suicide' no matter what it is. It is easy to misunderstand or read into things when you are not exposed to body language or facial expressions.
At the end though, ‘in person’ has to be done sooner rather then later since it is amazing what may work ‘online/long distance’ may very well fall apart when exposed to the reality of humans living together.
If you really want to make a go at it (and she is game) it can work long distance. Give it as much effort as you would otherwise and the rainbow may just deliver a pot of gold at the end. <smile>
LadyFL69
CloudyA
10-26-2003, 01:32 AM
If I may ask, are you currently seeing anyone? casually or not? How many people have you told you loved lately? Not that I am trying to intrude or anything, but i find this relevant in order togive you advice
please disregard the lack of grammar and spelling, it is nearly 5 am =).
Khris526
10-26-2003, 08:45 AM
do you mean as in I love you like wanna be with you or just I love you cause you're a friend and I care??? I haven't been seeing anyone at all... no one... and I haven't told anyone except for her that I love them romanicly... I have told one of my best friends that I love her, but she is a best friend, almost like a sister... does that help any???
CloudyA
10-26-2003, 01:24 PM
Originally posted by Khris526
do you mean as in I love you like wanna be with you or just I love you cause you're a friend and I care??? I haven't been seeing anyone at all... no one... and I haven't told anyone except for her that I love them romanicly... I have told one of my best friends that I love her, but she is a best friend, almost like a sister... does that help any??? HOw long have you known her? ANd have you dated anyone in this time? I know I amgiving you the third degree but I am trying to understand here...and why don't you move to Canada? I mean as you said where there is a will there is a wa, and if you two love each other just go up there.
Khris526
10-26-2003, 02:30 PM
I have dated since her, and so has she, we have known each other going on 3 years, and the reason I can't just up and move there is b/c it takes a ton of money to do it and you have to go in certain ways, you can't just go to the border and say "hey I wanna move here" it is a long hard expensive legal process.... and yes I know I said where there is a will there is a way, but it is going to take some time, so all I am asking for is if anyone knows how to lessen the pain of not being with her and of being alone...
CloudyA
10-26-2003, 02:50 PM
I don't know what to tell you, sorry.
Well, I think I know what to tell her.
ABout being lonely, Make yourself lots of friends, and get involved with people who amuse you. Don't lead anyone on, though, and let them think you want anything more than friendship if you don't.
Also, If you're talking sexual frusterations....Let anyone you sleep with know *BEFOREHAND* that your heart belongs to another.
I'm sure you'd understand if you got yer hopes up about someone, and then realised you were being played how upset you would be.
CloudyA
10-26-2003, 03:10 PM
Yeah, what she said makes sense. Good luck with your conumdrum...and be weary of hurting other's feelings, karma is a bitch =)
LadyFL69
10-26-2003, 03:46 PM
Originally posted by Khris526
I have dated since her, and so has she, we have known each other going on 3 years, and the reason I can't just up and move there is b/c it takes a ton of money to do it and you have to go in certain ways, you can't just go to the border and say "hey I wanna move here" it is a long hard expensive legal process.... and yes I know I said where there is a will there is a way, but it is going to take some time, so all I am asking for is if anyone knows how to lessen the pain of not being with her and of being alone...
Kris,
It is not that difficult to move to Canada. You can do so by visiting first (no visa needed from the USA), you can then apply as a skilled worker to stay (if you qualify), and some work does not even require a work permit. Check out the Canadian Immigration Website: http://cicnet.ci.gc.ca/english/
It is possible, actually very possible to make the move. I came to the USA with $500 in my pocket and a suitcase, on a visiting visa only and for no other reason then ‘just because’.
If you want to be with her, go for it. Take the bull by the horns and ‘just do it’. If it fails, you can always come back. Take your car, a few belongings, and some cash and if she is open to it, just drive there. All you need is a valid passport.
In the meantime, stay busy with work and friends and socialize, communicate with her frequently and work on going there or her coming here.
LadyFL69