View Full Version : Post Tramatic Stress Disorder
Untamd_femm4no1
10-26-2002, 02:32 PM
HEy all-
I thought maybe we should get this thread going. I think it could be alot of help.I have PTSD. WH ic I found out is the reason I have my muscle disease. THe PTSD ws intermalized and started breaking down my body. It's very hard and weird to dealwith but I get by.
Anyone got anything to say about PTSD. What you do to deal with it ??? Anything at all......
Let's get this thread going
(k) Untamd(k)
Hi Untamd,
Like I said in the therpy forum but I will add here too. Thanks for starting this tread. Can I ask you when you first realized you had it? I'm in my 40's and I learned when I started to get clean I never knew I was abused till I was in detox and having horrable nightmares. I didn't understand what was going on till was back in the hospital in detox again when they made me talk to a DR. I had to tell this DR what kind of dreams I was having which was horrifying and degrading to me. Then after a few sessions they told me I have PTSD. They explaned to me what it was. I didn't want to accept it but, I keeped listening and when I got out again I used it was so much easier to hide it with drugs. Well, to make a long story short now i'm clean and can deal with this stuff if I get something that does trigger it. I have the skills to deal and move on. So please tell me about what I asked you. Thanks again
Untamd_femm4no1
10-27-2002, 02:57 PM
hey.... I found out that I had PTSD in the hospital on September of 2001. I was in there for break down. And While i was there awas abused by another client. Like I said in the therapy post. Well the ause triggerd nightmares and flashbacks of the past.That is when they diagnosed me with it. We suspect I have ben haveing symptoms since I was at least 8 or nine. BUt as a resourseful lil thing that I am I tend to block things out or just deal on my own. Excepting itisnt hard for me because I have had it for years and knew something wwas wrong....the hard part was finally talkinto ppl about it and letting then know whati have been thinking for years.
I hope this answers your qustion. Feel free to ask me nytihng you want.
(k) Untamd(k)
Thanks Untamd for sharing. I hear you on the blocking part i'm great at that myself but, like I said I did drugs for 22 years so I know how to hid. Well, I can't even comprehend being in the hospital and having that done where you think your safe!!! Where are the staff sleeping!!! Did that person get in trouble? Well, good luck and i'll see you around!!! Take care be safe...
Can someone tell me more about PTSD? I know I have vivid flashbacks of some very bad accidents with my knees. Could PTSD be a reason for this?
Hi Cara,
I think so if it had such an impact like you say with flashbacks then sure. All I really know mine I had from child hood it is any traumatic experince one has like on 9/11 ,war, abuse etc... Well, I wish you well!!!
IrishAlly
11-04-2002, 11:32 PM
I have PTSD from result of traumatic abuse. Flasbacks are awful things.(c)
liquid velvet
11-05-2002, 01:18 AM
Hi, I was diagnosed with PTSD about 10 years ago, and I'm hear to tell you that with tons of therapy and love it is almost gone. I very rarely get flashbacks anymore. Mine was from childhood incest, and for me the trick was confronting memories and forgiving myself and my abuser. Not advising that for everyone, that's just what worked for me.
Just like the above noter my flashbacks came on strong after quiting drinking and drugging. It was an amazing thing, I stopped taking a drink and a tranquilizer and suddenly I wa a 13 year old in a 34 year old body. Had to deal with all that bullshit that I didn't back then when I started using.
It's been a long hard road, and I know it will never be over, but it's not as bad as it used to be. It still comes up and slaps me in the face sometimes and boy do I get pissed! It's like oh no! not you again, though I dealt with you last time~! lol
Can PTSD happen just from accidents? I have dislocated my kneecaps numerous times *shudder* and I still get flashbacks from the accidents. Also, I won't let anyone get near my knees...
*thinking I should do some research*
Untamd_femm4no1
11-12-2002, 10:28 AM
I have been haveing problems with my flashbacks. They come back every now and then without a reason they just do. It's be a tad eventful. I hear something then all the sudden I see things from my past. It really sucks actually. And then after the flash back I have been ahveing my panic attacks. Life is grand. I'm getting by but it's not been easy at times.....
(k) Untamd(k)
liquid velvet
11-12-2002, 10:50 AM
UntamedFemme,
So sorry to hear this, hang in there, it won't last forever. And when you think about it, a panic attack is an appropriate response to a flashback.
It always helps me to start writing everything down when that happens to me. Hope things look up for you soon!
Liquid Velvet
TopDadddy
11-12-2002, 02:09 PM
I'm not sure I understand exactly how these flashbacks manifest themselves... Like are they in the form of dreams, seeing things when awake, smells, things that remind you of an event, what? Aren't there many many forms for PTSD to manifest?
Thanks all you brave people,
TD
liquid velvet
11-12-2002, 04:04 PM
Hi Top Daddy,
I can't speak for everyone, just my own expierience. Something will trigger me, a smell or the way the light looks, who knows? And suddenly it's like its happening again. I am right there. I'm really fortunate in that it's only for about a minute or so. I have friends that have them for 10 or 15 minutes.
I can usually talk myself out of it, knowing that it's a flashback. The worst ones are when I wake up in the middle of the night just "knowing" that someone is in the room. I have to turn on all the lights and search the bedroom, and then the house. When it gets really bad, I have to sleep in the livingroom on the couch. Of course there is never anyone there. Just reliving old crap. When I first awake I actually see the form of someone standing by the bed. When the light goes on, it's gone. I have a friend that insists it's not PTSD at all, but a ghost. lol, if that makes him feel better.
Liquid Velvet:s
TopDadddy
11-12-2002, 09:02 PM
ok, so it's not like you actually relive the experience, I mean literally. it's more of an emotionally charged thing. For instance the fear, the rage, the saddness or whatever comes back? For instance say someone had a serious drug problem that they'd kicked. But when they smell some certain chemical or something that kinda smells like that drug it reminds them of doing drugs, maybe even sets off a short lived desire to have that drug again.. Something along those lines?
I'm sorry to seem so ignorant, but I've never really been clear about what "flashback" means exactly.
Thanks again, TD
honeybarbara
11-12-2002, 11:09 PM
I'm not sure how to describe a flashback...
You basically believe you are under the same danger that you were at the moment of trauma. Something triggers the emotional reaction and your body reacts in precicly the same way that you dealt with the trauma.
Often, people who are moving away from reacting with severe shock and fear in their flashbacks become hypervigilant with *anger* and wind up becoming emotionally abusive in order to save themselves from becoming victoms in a situation they emotionally react to as perhaps similar to when they were trapped or hurt or abused.
I personally know it's a different situation but my reaction is "omg it's happening again, this is just like _______" and I panic. People's bodys do different things. Sweat, drain of colour, tognue can swell or fingers go numb, things become "surreal" or have a bizarre feeling of unreality to them. You forget who exactly the people are around you or you know who they are but they become unidimentional.
What happens is that in panic during a flash back (these can even be mild), you become emotional memory dependant. Response can vary, emotionally. At the same time your body kicks into "fight or flight" which means all the blood drains from your extremities and, unfortunately, your brain. Adrenaline gets released. Your pupils enlarge. All the blood heads to your large mucsles and heart in order to beable to run like hell or throw one hell of a punch.
this is what lends to the feeling of unreality and why it's so difficult to think clearly. You are relying on emotional memory and running on slightly less blood supply to the grey matter. Your vision changes in part because of this and because your pupils have dialtated. You sweat in order to make your skin slippery to get away should you be grabbed. The adreneline makes you snappy and reactive. It can make you feel like you are going "crazy" or "having a heart attack"
But you aren't. You are merely doing what your body was made to do in a dire emergency. Unfortunately, it isn't an emergency. You have just been conditioned to think that it is.
And if the event is traumatic enough, all it takes is one single event to condition you. Or perhaps the event was tramatic and it happened several times...
Often people who suffer from anxiety and traumamatic distress have a different reaction to certain chemicals released into the body at stressful moments than people who have not. In other words the body sees these hormones as "toxic" (in a very loose term) and the reaction to them is more severe than would normally occur in someone who has not had repeated exposure on a constant basis to trauma and "flashbacks" wich is tramatic to the body as well.
Compounding this is if you suffer from PTSD, you are ten times more likely to build on it the next time something traumatic occurs.
PTSD does *not* happen in every instance of trauma. If you have "debriefing" after a traumatic event it is more than likely you will *not* develop PTSD.
The more you *hide* the traumatic event, the more likely your body will continue to farm the resulting stress. The more likely you will react to stressors or percived danger in a maladaptive form (flashbacks) or become abusive out of fear.
One note, however. PTSD is a name for a group of symptoms. I personally do not believe, because of the slipperly nature of the mind and the plasticily of the brain (how different and widely varied brains are from person to person and how mutible they are after injury, depending on age and other variables), that any one "treatment" is the answer for "PTSD". PTSD is a descriptive label, not a tangible like a virus.
what you describe in the reactions to drugs is like Pavlov's expereiment in ringing a bell before feeding a dog. Soon just ringing the bell will make the dog drool with no food stimulous. It's a conditioned response. And a flash back is a conditioned response in that the body cannot help it's association and reaction but it's a bit different that remembering the high of a drug... take that kind of memory and amplify it by about 500 and add a primary fear reaction.
Heart
11-13-2002, 05:59 AM
Has anyone investigated EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing) to help with PTSD? If so, what kind of results did you have?
Heart
TopDadddy
11-13-2002, 11:08 AM
Hi there Heart,
I have a friend that does the EMDR thing sometimes. She tends to get overwhelmed after a while and needs to discontinue it for a while, but overall I hear that it does help.
TD
TopDadddy
11-13-2002, 11:15 AM
Ok HB, so I get what you're saying. For some reason I have this notion that the event which produces PTSD has to be really big, but now I'm beginning to think that's not so. I mean "big" is relative after all. What may be big for me may not be much of anything for you and vice versa... Interesting stuff.
So let's say that my father is emotionally abusive, withholds information, stops talking to people for months on end, is cold and distant blah blah blah.. After growing up this way I may have these built in mechanisms that are pretty much on auto pilot and surface when anything remotely resembling his actions arise. Consequently I may go into survival mode, which is to withdraw and protect myself... maybe in the form of a 25' wall and a mote with piranahs :s
Needless to say, I've recently been assesing my own participation or lack of in my relationships with people, and wondering how I can change some of this... Hard stuff.
Thanks for you input, all of you.
TD
IrishGrrl
11-13-2002, 06:55 PM
hmm...
Isnt that what restraining orders are for? :)
Fondly,
Irish
Simone
11-13-2002, 07:04 PM
Just a quick question...
Have any of you who have had a diagnosis of PTSD had any problems with short-term memory loss?
*blowing Irish a kiss on the way out*
TopDadddy
11-13-2002, 08:01 PM
I have no idea if I actually have PTSD, but I know that when I'm under a lot of stress I have been known to have problems with short term memory.
TD
Heart
11-13-2002, 08:03 PM
(((((TopDaddy)))) Good to see you!
PTSD is often related to acute trauma, like rape, disasters, war, accidents, incest, (and EMDR seems useful for that). More chronic traumatic experiences, like living with an emotionally abusive or neglectful parent, seem to produce less PTSD-specific symptoms and more social/relationship issues like what you describe. I'm not sure if EMDR is so useful for that, but my shrink has suggested it as a means of changing some destructive thought-patterns...
What you're describing sounds very familiar... most of the impact of my experiences is felt in my relationships with others...
Yes, it's hard stuff. It's great that you're looking at it. Hard and great. Like climbing a mountain and seeing amazing new views, but sometimes getting tired, discouraged, or scared along the way... it's a journey. I think it's important to have some good support along the way. I hope you do.
Take care,
Heart
TopDadddy
11-14-2002, 09:40 AM
Heart, wonderful to see you too... Thank you for the greeting and the additional information. One can never have too much information :)
TD
Simone
11-14-2002, 01:59 PM
Thank you for responding to my query...:)
i'm finding the experience of short term memory loss extremely difficult...(not in the sense that i leave the house with the stove on kinda thang) ... but ... i _HATE_ the feeling that my brain isn't functioning 100%... because i'm aware of it i guess...
i have my first appointment with a therapist next week...and it's taken me months to admit i need to go.
i thought i'd dealt with past childhood abuse in my early 20's...I spent 2 years with a wonderful therapist, who walked me through an abysmal courtcase, manged to see me functioning in a healthy non-self destructive way...and...
I thought it was all behind me.
Im sooo pissed off.
*sigh*
TopDadddy
11-14-2002, 09:57 PM
My pleasure, Simone, glad I could add a little value to the discussion. I wish you well on your upcoming therapy too. I know that it can sometimes be a difficult choice, and even more difficult to recognize when we need a little help.
TD
Janet
11-15-2002, 05:54 PM
Simone,
For me, part of the PTSD involves a huge loss in short term memory. It is not consistent which is even more frustrating. I will remember a conversation word for word, but will not remember what I ate for lunch or if I even ate lunch at all.
Along with the memory loss, I have periods of dissociation. I lose time. I mentioned this in the therapy thread, and was wondering if anyone else diagnosed with PTSD specifically has also experienced this.
~Janet
Toughy
11-16-2002, 02:21 PM
TD......hate to mention this but another cause of short term memory loss......laughing........has to do with menopause......and lowering of estrogen levels......I know you are about the same age as me.......laughing..........you might check with your doctor about where you are......
A while back I posted about planning to start EMDR as treatment for my post traumatic stress disorder. I said I'd check back in after I'd tried it since others were considering it as well.
EMDR isn't an instant cure, but I do see some changes in the way I view things and I have less resistance to putting myself into situations which might trigger the memories. I still doubt I'll ever regain my old romantic innocence-- or believe naively that illness doesn't matter if someone loves you. That might sound pessimistic, but I actually feel more grounded now that I realize I can't control life or rely on relationships, but can only live each moment as it happens. (And hopefully I'll eventually stop living the other painful moments entirely...)
Blessings...
One
Heart
12-08-2002, 02:33 PM
I began EMDR in early October and it's been a rollar coaster. The images that came up were powerful, but I became very anxious. I felt unbearably vulnerable. So we stopped for a bit. I proceeded to have a rough month, which probably would have happened anyway, and now we're talking about how to proceed. I can't say that it's been helpful. I'm not sure yet. One thing I did notice is that through all the chaos, I was sleeping better.
It's been a very strange experience and I don't quite know what to make of it, or if I want to continue.
Heart
(((Heart))) I'm not around much, which makes it hard to hold a conversation...
I too have found EMDR disturbing in a way. I have gotten clearer about some of my root issues (not just the recent memories and feelings I've put on top of them) and I am feeling the accompanying feelings. For me, that feels positive and constructive, if unpleasant. I've learned that growing up in my family of origin as a gifted child with undiagnosed ADD-- carrying the burden of everyone's expectations-- shaped my personality much more than I'd imagined. My feelings of insignificance and failure are a lot older than the psychological abuse I suffered at the hands of my lover around my fight with cancer. The EMDR showed me this but didn't magically make it go away, so I'm just sitting with it for a while.
Blessings...
One
TexasCowboi
12-16-2002, 01:14 AM
Having been a Paramedic for almost twenty years, I have imagine I have PTSD.....its not pretty......I find that talking about it to someone who asks about it...or someone who has been in a similar situation...helps a lot.
I have an ear if someone needs to vent......*shrugs*....
mslisabell
12-16-2002, 02:23 AM
I have been diagnosed with PTSD since the age of 8, when the molestation began with my mothers boyfriend. I was just raped in Sept. 2001 and it started again. I cannot be around rape on tv or anywhere without flashing back. I roll up into a ball and start screaming and crying. I can't call anyone to help me and if someone's around who doesn't get it, then they feel like I'm crazy.
I'm not really crazy. It's just my minds way of dealing with my body's hurt.
Hugs,
Lisa (k) (f)
LadyHilary
01-06-2003, 07:14 AM
Hello everyone, I have deep emtion running now, after reading each of these posts ... I am a psychiatric nurse by trade and have taken care of many PTSD patients, and I am impressed by all of the strength I have see here on this thread.
Take care all ...
In Grace,
Lady Hilary aka Nurse Dolly
amberlina
02-01-2003, 10:11 AM
I am so glad to have found this thread.
I was robbed at gunpoint in my home in April of last year. I did everything right, controlled the situation (as much as a person can with a gun on them), got the guy out of my house and kept myself safe. i was written up in the paper as an example of how to rationally handle a robbery. I went right back to work the next day and was fine.
Six weeks later I couldn't eat or sleep. I had to take 3 months off work on disability, go on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, and adjust to learning how to be social all over again. I developed an allergy to the meds and discovered I've had PTSD since I was very small. The robbery was only a trigger. I have researched alternative methods for dealing with triggers, anxiety and depression.
Many months later, I am still struggling with some things and others have (thankfully) gone.
The hardest thing seems to be relationships with other people. I am ridiculously sensitive, and asserting myself or solving problems has become a major ordeal. I used to be quick, funny and could always handle anything thrown my way. Hell, I used to teach a course called "How to say Hard Things in a Caring Way". Now I get anxious, to a greater or lesser degree, whevever I'm not sure things will go perfectly.
Which sends me into depression.
So I stay away from people, because there's nothing worse than someone who's always on a downer...
And then I'm lonesome, which adds to the depression.
And overall I AM much better. Today seems to be giving me a run for my money, but compared to this Summer, it's cake.
It would be helpful to be reminded that this is how recovery goes and that I won't be stuck like this. You can read about it in books, but hearing it from a human being right here right now is so much better.
Thanks for writing about how it's going for you - all of you- it helps immeasurably.
amberlina
mslisabell
02-01-2003, 10:22 AM
Dear Angelina,
I can understand everything you're going through. One thing I will tell you for sure is that is really does get better with time, a really good therapist and meds. I would suggest cognitive therapy for anyone that deals with PTSD, or there's another kind of therapy called EMDR (or something close) that my brother swears by. After his sessions with it, he stopped having flashbacks from Nam...a huge breakthrough for him.
Anyway my dear, sorry to get off track. My biggest suggestion is to take each moment of each day at a time. Go slow and easy. Remember that you are wonderful, no matter what they say, as Christina Aguilara says.
Hope your days get better as you go!
Take care,
Lisa
mslisabell
02-01-2003, 10:24 AM
Amberlina...so sorry for spelling your name wrong hun...not enough caffine in the system yet...
Hugs,
Lisa
MadHatter
02-02-2003, 05:57 PM
My alcoholic parents have both become ill at the same time...and guess who has come to stay at their house to help out? What on earth posessded me to make this committment, I really couldn't say. Anyone who's read my posts in the "Major Depression Recurrent" thread, would surely see the irony to this situation. I the child of 2 alcoholics, whom when I was 16, Social Services wanted to press charges against for neglecting & abuse, have stepped in to take care of them! Actually since they're ill, they've been behaving themselves. Amazing....
But I've only been here for 3 days, and it's already making me crazy. It brings to life every nightmare I ever lived through. Haunting memories, my mother banging on my door in the middle of the night, telling me to get out or she'd kill me. Figuring out how to heat up Campbells soup when dinner remained half cooked on the stove because mother was beating on father. Being sent to camp? and put in the wrong bunk house with teenagers because someone forgot how old I was when they left me. My father with his hand on my ass. My father throwing me on a couch, jumping on top and spitting in my face while he yelled what trash "I" was.
Saw my father's doctor the other day, who thinks he's gonna get my 69 yr old father to agree to go to detox. At the end of the meeting he asks how I am, and I say ok (he's my medical doctor too). Then he says, they terrorized you and ya know you were always the sane one, they were the ones who were crazy. You were always the adult even when you were a child. And I think....you bastard! If you knew that, why did you never help me!?!?!
Oh, but I'm supposed to have let go of all of this. Let go and move on, right. How I wish life came with an instruction booklet. How I wish there were an end to tears, to broken hearts, to the echoing sadness.
(sigh) All I have to say at this point is ACK! ACK! ACK!
amberlina
02-02-2003, 09:08 PM
My heart goes out to you Mad Hatter. It's a normal reaction to want to be there for your parents when they need you. It's SUPPOSED to be a good thing. But I can't imagine a situation more jam-packed with triggers.
And where was that doctor when you were a kid??? "ACK!" is right.
I hope you can give yourself the gift of recovery time when this ordeal is over. Time to rest and not expect a lot of yourself.
I'm sending you some warm, safe hugs and I'll be thinking about you this week.
Best of luck in that scary spot,
Amberlina(l) (l) (l)
mslisabell
02-02-2003, 09:11 PM
Thanks for taking the time to vent here. I'm so sorry you're in this situation, and I really hope you can get out of there asap. It's hard when parents aren't there to protect us when we're young, and then do worse when we're there to help them. My prayers are with you.
Best of Luck,
Lisa(l)
MadHatter
02-03-2003, 03:51 AM
Thank you for your support, compassion, and kind words. I needed that in as much as I'm a hermit, and so must "rely on the kindness of strangers". I believe such comfort is the true salve of the heart and soul.
- Mad
LadyHawk280
02-04-2003, 04:04 PM
I'm going to say this although it's not the "nice" thing...
If it becomes too much for you to deal with your parents...get out...they are adults...they made their own beds...you are not their parent...
Your first priority is to take care of yourself...you have a right to live your life as a happy human being and they don't have the right to pull you down...even if they are ill...
I know this isn't easy but trust me, I've had to cut off my own mom for extended periods because I couldn't stay afloat dealing with her and trying to be her parent...
Don't let them make you crazy...you know where to go to vent but please take care of yourself...
Ok, I'm done being a mother-hen now...well, I'm never really done...cluck...
{{{{{{{{MadHatter}}}}}}}}
MadHatter
02-05-2003, 05:12 AM
You are 100% correct. I do know this, trust me.
I "owe" my parents nothing. Nor do they deserve anything from me, least of all my kindness. I also do not feel obligated to help them because they gave birth to me, as most people would.
There's one problem though. I have this thing about me, which my therapist, amongst others refers to as "both my blessing and my curse". While it would not have been surprising, given their abuse and neglect, for me to develop into a callous person without compassion. Instead I became quite the opposite. I became the antithesis of them, their mindset, and most accutely, their hearts. I'm the living persona of a "bleeding heart".
So when it comes to matters like this, I am compelled to behave as I do. Many years ago I had a good friend who was always telling me I was an empath. I don't know. All I know is I feel the pain of others, all others, very acutely. Ergo my hermitage lifestyle. :s
Yeah I know, it sounds sweet and all. People see me as being "good hearted", I'm a good person, I make a great and loyal friend, a passionate lover etc.. As for me, I hate it ;) LOL I hate it because I have very little choice in the matter.
MadHatter
02-07-2003, 06:10 PM
I've had one of those really sucky kinda days today. One of those days when you can't stop the tears, I hate that. It started yesterday really. You'd think after 20 some years of therapy... I'd talked about it all, wouldn't you? But due to all the triggers I've been dealing with recently, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that something new would come up.
Well it's not knew really, but something I've pretty much kept to myself for the last, let's see, 17 yrs now. When I was 15, I was raped by a guy I was working for. Now I've long since dealt with that actually. Obviously you never "get over" something like that, but I've talked about it, learned to deal with it.
What I never told anyone, not even myself really, was that when I was 18 I was raped again. But this time by a woman. <I can see the shock on your face now> I know this is a taboo subject in the lesbian community. Especially for a butch lesbian. But facts is facts ya know.
Anyway, I was wondering if there was anyone out there who had experience dealing with this? Any advice to give? Something...
LadyHawk280
02-07-2003, 06:36 PM
I can't even begin to imagine how horrific those events must have been for you...I don't have any advice or experience to help you but if you need to chat...vent...just release some stuff...please feel free to PM me and I'll send you my email address - k?
Lotsa cyber hugs MH...that makes me so very sad for you...you seem like such a sweet soul...I wish I could help...