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LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-06-2008, 10:29 AM
I thought it wise to begin a thread just for education purposes instead of taking up so much of the space in topics that may or may not be totally about BDSM. On a daily basis i will be putting forth material that will i hope help others that are fairly new or those that are not so new but could use a refresher course in the basics of BDSM....Any questions that you have maybe we can answer together with the help of the elders in our community that are long timers in the lifestyle. I am in hopes that this thread stay alive and most of all be helpful to all who may need a little more information than they have thus far been able to obtain.A special thanks to the person who suggested this....SO beginning tomorrow morning i will provide the first of many excerpts to help us learn together the in's and out's of BDSM.

All questions welcome as well as opinions.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-06-2008, 11:08 AM
today is a work day i will begin this on my return tonight at midnight !!!

DaddyPsyche
11-06-2008, 12:44 PM
I'd like to thank you LF for taking the time to create something like this to help promote learning and understanding.

I hope it's invaluable.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-06-2008, 09:41 PM
I'd like to thank you LF for taking the time to create something like this to help promote learning and understanding.

I hope it's invaluable.



as do I . i hope everyone has plenty of paper in thier printers,lol

here we go !!!
(f)
Thank you DaddyPsyche !!!!!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-06-2008, 09:56 PM
i offered a few things ten rules for submissives
along with ten rules for Dommes and the Rose Ceremony
and a few sample contracts as well as a checklist...so if anyone needs any of that material, thats where you will find it :}


the symbols
Triskellion Symbol

a new BDSM emblem...

What does the BDSM Emblem mean?


The BDSM emblem has no "obvious" symbolism because it was created to be enigmatic. To the vanilla observer who would be put off by BDSM, it's merely an attractive piece of jewelry. Thus, we can wear it freely as a friendly salute, nod, and wink to other BDSMers we should happen to pass on the sidewalks and in the hallways of our daily lives.
To the insider, however, the Emblem is full of meaning.




The three divisions represent the various threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the three divisions of BDSM itself: B&D, D&S, and S&M. Secondly, the three-way creed of BDSM behavior: Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Thirdly, the three divisions of our community: Tops, Bottoms, and Switches.
It is this third symbolism that gives meaning to the holes in each unit. Since BDSM is at the very least a play style and at its greatest a love style, the holes represent the incompleteness of any individual within the BDSM context. However "together" and "whole" individuals may be, there remains a void within them that can only be filled by a complimentary other. BDSM cannot be done alone. the emblem picture Click the link below


http://www.fetishexchange.org/exgrafix/trisel.3.150x136.gifThe resemblance to a three-way variation on the Yin-Yang symbol is not accidental. As the curved outline of Yin and Yang represent the hazy border between where one ends and the other begins, so do the curved borders here represent the indistinct divisions between B&D, D&S, and S&M.
The metal and metallic color of the medallion represents the chains or irons of BDSM servitude/ownership. The three inner fields are black, representing a celebration of the controlled dark side of BDSM sexuality.
The curved lines themselves can be seen as a stylized depiction of a lash as it swings, or even an arm in motion to deliver an erotic spanking. The all-embracing circle, of course, represents the overlying unity of it all and the oneness of a community that protects its own.

EntycingFemme
11-06-2008, 10:17 PM
Very simply... thank you(f)

For taking the time... for the wisdom... and for the kindness shown within the answers found.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-06-2008, 10:20 PM
BDSM Rights Flag

http://www.the-iron-gate.com/media/BDSM_rights.png
The BDSM Rights Flag is intended to represent the belief that people whose sexuality or relationship preferences include Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, or Sadism and Masochism ("BDSM") deserve the same human rights as everyone else, and should not be discriminated against for pursuing BDSM with consenting adults.
The flag is inspired by the Leather Pride Flag and Quagmyr\'s BDSM Emblem, but is specifically intended to represent the concept of BDSM Rights and to be without the other symbols\' restrictions against commercial use. It\'s designed to be recognisable by people familiar with either the Leather Pride Flag or BDSM Triskelion (or Triskele) as "something to do with BDSM"; and to be distinctive whether reproduced in full colour, or in black and white (or another pair of colours.)
.
Leather Pride Flag

http://www.the-iron-gate.com/media/leatherprideflag.jpg
The Leather Pride Flag is a symbol for the BDSM subculture.
The flag was designed by Tony DeBlase, and he first presented the design at the International Mr. Leather contest in Chicago, Illinois, USA on May 28 1989. The original prototype flag is now on display at the Leather Archives and Museum in Chicago.
Although the flag is often common in the gay community, it is not a "gay-only" symbol and represents the entire leather community.
According to Mr DeBlase in a contemporaneous editorial from Drummer magazine:

"The flag is composed of nine horizontal stripes of equal width. From the top and from the bottom, the stripes alternate black and royal blue. The central stripe is white. In the upper left quadrant of the flag is a large red heart. I will leave it to the viewer to interpret the colors and symbols."The triskelion is another symbol which has been adopted as an emblem by some BDSM groups.
Another name that is used to describe the leather flag is "Black and Blue with Love".
The Collar

http://www.the-iron-gate.com/media/collar.jpg
The collar is a symbol of a commitment between a Dominant and submissive. This can have several meanings and understanding a universal definition is impossible. For some people a collar is only worn durning play time and thus signifies the division between roles, nothing more. The importance of this collar varies from partnership to partnership but can be just a prop or an added toy wihtin the playspace.
The gravity of a collar in a relationship context is much more. For many people, a collar is like an engagement ring or wedding ring. When a submissive wears a collar in this context they are commited, possessed or owned by someone else. Collars of this sort should never be taken lightly. Just as an engagement isn\'t entered lightly, a collaring carries strong importance in a D/s lifestyle relationship. Collars in this form can be a collar, brand, tattoo, piercing or any other form of outward mark worn by the submissive person in the power exchange. Each collaring is a symbol of the love, honor and commitment of two people who deeply care for one another.
The internet has given way to another form of collar. The internet collar, usually symbolized as [DOM] or {DOM}, has two connotations. One is that two people are engaged in an online relationship, where life experiences are non-existent and all power exchange is done online. Many are of the opinion that this sort of relationship is fake and degrades the importance of a collar in the lifestyle as a whole. For some, this is the only way they can experience the power exchange that they are exploring or craving. I find no harm in online collars, as they have no bearing on everyday lifestyle events in the long run. The second meaning is that someone is in a real collar and wears an online collar as a symbol of that bond online. This, while it looks like an internet collar, can cause some confusion and the offense taken by others when it is assumed that an online relationship is taking place. Commitment is commitment, no matter how strong the bond, proximity or duration.

Degrees of Collars

Some relationships are of the volition that collaring is a phase of collars earned by the progression of training or learning of a submissive. The phases of collaring developed from the Old Guard Leather Community, where we also acquired the Safe, Sane and Consensual mantra. While this is not everyone\'s views, it does warrant some looking into.
Collar of Consideration

The Collar of Consideration is generally given at the onset of a potential relationship. While the method of receiving this collar varies, the collar is usually plain and unadorned with one or several rings on it. There are many variations on how a collar may be represented in actuality. It can be by a bracelet, waist chain, anklet or other choice. This is sometimes determined by the situation of the submissive such as job requirements etc. Sometimes it is dictated by the Dominant\'s personal taste. This collar is traditionally blue in color.
Training Collar

The Training Collar is worn by novice submissives the duration of their training. It does not symbolize a commitment other than that to learn and obey a training Dominant or mentorship. Typically this collar is undorned, simple and sturdy. It can have one or more rings on it. The purpose of this collar is to allow the submissive to feel some of the control that s/he will surrender and to experience a taste of the emotions evoked when a power exchange takes place. This collar is a tool for discipline and training only.
Formal collar (also called a slave collar)


The Formal collar is offered by the Dominant at the final stage of the process with the intent to formalize the bond and relationship of the Dominant and submissive. It is a recognition of commitment, deep emotional feelings, devotion, mutual respect and consideration. In some relationships this collar is given at the same time as a proposal for marriage. It\'s weight within the lifestyle is that of a wedding ring. This collar is created specifically FOR the individual submissive and is often an original design.
The presentation of such a collar is usually a formal celebratory occasion with friends or privately. Couples commonly prepare vows, a benediction, ceremony or ritual scene to place permanant body markings. The collaring ceremony has many variations as there are couples, and no one ceremony is incorrect.


The Collaring Ceremony
The ceremony for when a collar is formally accepted by the submissive is meant as a joyous and beautiful time for the couple. This is generally done in a public ceremony with friends and can involve vows, promises and pledges along with many symbols for the life and strength of the relationship. Each ceremony is personalized just as a wedding is, and there are no common expectations.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-06-2008, 10:34 PM
this is going to go on and on so i hope those of you interested, please ask question as well... it will help me decide what to include next... and i am so NOT a teacher, i need all the help i can get,lol

I do want to touch on, online protocol but that will be after a much needed siesta....but for now let me say this....D/s rules for online communicating is this Sir/s begin with caps always unless the request is made by the Domme to approach them differently subs always lower case...rule of thumb respect and ask how someone wants to be addressed that way your safe ! I can promise you NO one will be offended if you ask, however they may be very offended if you assume .....also it creates an open line of communication immediately :}.....Do not address another's Domme as Sir or Syr < they are not your Domme> unless it is approved first.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-06-2008, 10:37 PM
Very simply... thank you(f)

For taking the time... for the wisdom... and for the kindness shown within the answers found.


Very kind of you
Thank you!
(f)

Diamondbutch1
11-07-2008, 04:20 AM
LOL......LADY FLAMEZZZ....I found this after I posted in the other thread.
(checks supplies..24lbs of printer paper and 1 box of bandaids)
All set.........lol

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 04:41 AM
The Players
Although it may seem through outward appearances that all the power in the relationship flows from the Dom or Master to the sub or slave, this is somewhat misleading. The players in a D/s relationship, no matter which side they are on, are equals to a certain degree. Both sides have power, but in different ways. The Dom may have ultimate authority, but the sub is the one who initiates most actions.

To prevent any misunderstanding between players, they should understand the difference between a Dom and a Master, and a submissive and a slave.

The Dominant, or Dom
"Many inexperienced Doms believe that all that is required is simply ordering your sub around as you choose. It's not. There's much more to be said about what being a good Dom requires."
Domination is not just giving random orders. A good Dom will find a way to cause the sub to desire pleasing the Dom. A Dom, or Dominant, is the protector, teacher, and lover to the sub.

As the protector, the Dom must be a) stronger than the sub, and b) stronger than other people in the life of the sub. This does not mean that he has to be physically bigger or stronger. I am talking about character and personality.

As the teacher, the Dom must be wise and, above all, right. The Dom should not arbitrarily punish the sub on a whim. There must be a reason. To do otherwise will break down the trust and security of the sub. The Dom has to be respected by the sub. Respect is a quality that is earned by the Dom being right, and issuing swift, correct justice and reward to the sub. The Dom is not there to inflict pain and degradation on the sub, but to give the sub a goal and a direction on how to love and please him.

As the lover, the Dom is loving and, when appropriate, stern. He must recognize that he is the only source of pleasure for the sub. He must see to it that this area is not neglected. The Dom should, when appropriate, be gentle, supportive, and tender to the sub. A Dom/sub relationship is not just about overpowering. It is about the Dom caring for the well-being of the sub. If punishment is required to stop a destructive action by the sub, then it comes from the Dom. On the other hand, when correct action has been noted by the Dom, love and caring should come from him to the sub.

The Master
The Master is a higher gradient of control in D/s. The Master follows the same rules as a Dom, but in a stricter sense. The Master can have a slave, but may also call their slave a sub. The slave is owned or "collared" by the Master. The Master considers the slave a possession, but a highly valuable and loved one, the most valuable thing he owns. Offenses against the rules laid out by the Master are dealt with more severely, in most circumstances. Still, the Master, when pleased, flows great love and caring to his slave. The Master is also more protective of his slave because the slave is totally dependent on the Master.

The Submissive, or sub
To be sure, the slave serves; the Master receives. But that does not mean that the slave has no sense of self, or self-worth. Her needs are real, and she should leave a relationship where her needs are not met."
The role of the submissive appears to be somewhat simpler, but in actuality, the sub plays a large role in shaping the D/s relationship. The sub's primary role is to follow her Dom's directions and to please the Dom. Being submissive does not mean that the sub is a doormat for the Dom. The sub is the Dom's companion, his student, and his lover.

As a companion, the sub is treated with respect and dignity, is allowed to voice opinions, and allowed to share in the Dom's activities. This is the area where the sub is the most equal with the Dom.

As a student, the sub learns how to please the Dom, and when done, expects to be rewarded by the Dom. Likewise, when not done or done incorrectly, the sub expects to be corrected and shown the right way to act.

As a lover, the sub goes out of their way to please the Dom because they genuinely care for the well being of the Dom. The sub does this, not out of fear of pain or retribution, but because they wants to give the Dom pleasure. The sub does not want the Dom to be disappointed with them. The sub takes pleasure from the fact that the Dom is pleased.

The slave
The slave is a higher gradient of submissiveness in D/s. A slave's primary purpose in life is to serve the needs and desires of the Master. The slave relinquishes all control to the Master, because the slave knows the Master has her well-being totally at heart. The slave is marked by her Master in some fashion to show ownership. This can be done with a tattoo, a piercing, or even a physical collar. The Master/slave relationship tends to be more of a lifetime commitment to each other than a typical Dom/sub relationship. The slave is held to a higher standard of conduct and compliance than a typical sub, due to the fact that the slave has given control of their life to the Master.


Dominance and Submission Roles

In order for any venture to be successful, there must be basic guidelines. I understand that every couple is different, and no two D/s relationships are the same. Nevertheless, basic agreements exists, or else you go outside the boundaries of what is considered a D/s relationship. Every couple will have their own set of agreements, however, I feel there are some that are universal.

No actual injury should occur to the sub. That does not suggest that spankings, discipline and correction do not occur, they just are not calculated to produce real injury, either to body or mind. In D/s, pain is sometimes used to correct behavior, or as a pleasurable experience depending on the people involved. It is not the central focus of the relationship.
Pre-agreed limits. It is simply an agreement on what the Dom and sub will and will not do. These limits are different for all couples. A pre-agreed limit is simply the boundaries established by the relationship. As an example, some couples put a limit on other people joining them for a scene. It is important to discuss honestly with each other what your personal limits are before beginning a D/s relationship. These are lines that are not crossed without at least some discussion beforehand. These boundaries do change with time as the relationship progresses.
The sub should have a "safeword", or something they can say to halt the present time activity. The safeword is a word that is understood by both parties to mean that action needs to stop. It could be that the sub is in great pain, or the Dom wants to clarify a situation outside of the action he is engaged in. Usually, it is that a line is being crossed that was not discussed in the pre-agreed limits, but just now came up. D/s is supposed to be enjoyed by both parties. Limits and safewords are type of guarantee that things don't get out of control on either side. If the couple are in the middle of a caning, and the sub is having a problem with the situation, the safeword is used to stop the action. When the safeword is spoken, the action must stop at that moment. This will allow the Dom and sub to discuss what the problem is, or correct a painful or dangerous situation outside the "scene".Communication between the Dom and sub is crucial to a successful D/s relationship. The sub must be willing to talk about their feelings and the Dom must be receptive. The Dom also must be conscious of the non-verbal cues the sub gives. For a satisfying D/s relationship, it helps to have an underlying affinity for the other partner. The Dom is attempting to perfect their sub to their ideal of what the sub should be. The sub must want that goal, too. If either of these points do not exist, the D/s can degrade into an abusive relationship, or the partners go off, dissatisfied. D/s is for the mutual enjoyment of both partners. Limits and safewords assist in ensuring both parties experience pleasure, and neither gives up all control.

Over time the use of safewords and limits may diminish, however many couples in a long term relationship still use them.

Reward and Punishment
This point is where many D/s relationships fall to pieces. Overpunishment for minor infractions, non-acknowledged good deeds, and ignoring blatant wrong action cause the affinity in the relationship to break down. The roles of both Dom and sub are fairly rigid; the duties of both well understood. When a Dom doesn't punish major infractions, or ignores correct action by his sub, the agreements made at the beginning of the relationship are broken. It is here that a Dom shows his true colors. The Dom should be in control not only of his sub, but himself as well.

At the beginning of a D/s relationship, the Dom and sub may agree on a long list of correct and incorrect actions, but if the Dom does not remember them, the sub is "getting over" on the Dom, and in the process, losing respect for the Dom's power. It would be better to have only a few rules at the start, then as time progresses, expand them as the relationship grows.

Overcorrecting is also poor. If the Dom is cruel or vicious, the sub will only do what is required out of fear of punishment. Over time, the sub will have no desire to please the Dom, and the Dom will suddenly realize they have no real control over the sub.

Punishment is a tool to correct wrong or no action by the sub. It should never be done in anger! This is a very important point. When you punish in anger, real injury can occur, safewords are nullified, and limits do not exist. This is a very dangerous situation. The Dom who punishes in anger is moving into the area of abuse. In D/s, the Dom cares about the feelings of the sub. It is very difficult to have empathy when you are angry. Pain is not the end all and be all of a D/s relationship. It is just one more tool at the disposal of the Dom to guarantee the rules are complied with.

Punishment does not even have to include pain. Movement restrictive bondage, humiliation, harsh words, or even a look can punish the sub. Privileges can be removed such as not being allowed to sit on the furniture, or by the Dom forcing the sub to sleep at the foot of the bed. There are many ways to punish incorrect actions. Save the severe stuff for major infractions. If you beat a dog every day, all you get is an angry, uncontrollable dog. The same goes for a sub, and an angry sub is much more hazardous than an angry dog. Punishment is always followed by reward when the sub corrects the infraction. The sub must be allowed to make up the damage, and then it is forgiven.

Rewards show the sub that the Dom is pleased. It is a tangible show of love and caring from the Dom to the sub for a correct action. This is the true power of the Dom. The reward can be a kiss, a caress, flowers, a short note, or even a long, tender session of lovemaking. Rewards given to the sub shows that the Dom is thinking of them, and cares for their well being. It acknowledges their proper behavior and reinforces it. This is how the Dom creates in the sub the willingness to please him. A happy sub will do anything to ensure the happiness of the Dom, and will avoid actions that disappoint.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 04:44 AM
LOL......LADY FLAMEZZZ....I found this after I posted in the other thread.
(checks supplies..24lbs of printer paper and 1 box of bandaids)
All set.........lol



do the band aids have mickey mouse on em?,lol
(f)

cybersuebee
11-07-2008, 04:53 AM
this is going to go on and on so i hope those of you interested, please ask question as well... it will help me decide what to include next... and i am so NOT a teacher, i need all the help i can get,lol


You are certainly seeming like a teacher so far!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 04:55 AM
a personal note if i may...
alot of information i find often uses the heterosexual pronouns and such please disregard those and insert in your mind Hy and hys and the like if you prefer, personally i can wrap my mind around the content not so much the identifier of the provider i am in hopes this is not offensive to anyone on our site and i say our site because i believe in my heart it was created for us as a community, not just one or two people.Altho i will always uphold the creators AS gODS AND GODDESS'.....WITHOUT THIS SITE I WOULD NOT HAVE MET MY FAMILY....

and i will forever be envious of MIz Chris's wardrobe!

female =Domme not Dom

DaddyPsyche
11-07-2008, 06:49 AM
this is going to go on and on so i hope those of you interested, please ask question as well... it will help me decide what to include next... and i am so NOT a teacher, i need all the help i can get,lol

I do want to touch on, online protocol but that will be after a much needed siesta....but for now let me say this....D/s rules for online communicating is this Sir/s begin with caps always unless the request is made by the Domme to approach them differently subs always lower case...rule of thumb respect and ask how someone wants to be addressed that way your safe ! I can promise you NO one will be offended if you ask, however they may be very offended if you assume .....also it creates an open line of communication immediately :}.....Do not address another's Domme as Sir or Syr < they are not your Domme> unless it is approved first.

Lady Flamezzz, you've offered up wonderful information so far.

Being the natural trouble maker that I am, I couldn't help but see this and wonder about the Femme Dominant. I'm fairly sure calling her "Sir" would be a bad way as a submissive to get started lol ;)

How about a nice "Ma'am" instead? (a)

Diamondbutch1
11-07-2008, 07:12 AM
do the band aids have mickey mouse on em?,lol


(f)

LOL....ummm now Lady Flamezzz I do perfer to have a Femme wrapped around my finger so its Minni.....lol

DivaTX45
11-07-2008, 07:46 AM
Precious LadyFlamezzz (f)....

Thank You so much for this information......those of us...um....Newbies are certainly indebted .....

~Diva (8)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 08:42 AM
Lady Flamezzz, you've offered up wonderful information so far.

Being the natural trouble maker that I am, I couldn't help but see this and wonder about the Femme Dominant. I'm fairly sure calling her "Sir" would be a bad way as a submissive to get started lol ;)

How about a nice "Ma'am" instead? (a)



with much respect i say this,lol

you are going to be my proverbial thorn in my side, huh?lol

Yes you are so right i dare say the Femme Tops will have my head on a salad plate should i leave them out, which is far from my intent, w3hich is why i so often ask for input,lol
I have the pleasure of loving a femme Top or Daddy and she knows who she is i dare say my respect for her is no less or no more than that of other's who idenify as Domme. So thank you Daddy Psyche for offering this to all of us.

i am amazed at how often <not to change the sub'ject>that people think D's is all about sex so maybe we should address this next, how bout right now,lol

Some do prefer that sex be the cumalative end to scene . i guess it is the preference of the union , for me however i prefer to linger in sub'space so the idea of climax is far from my mind. because of vast differences in all of us i cannot stress enuff the down right have to communicate...just because your Domme cannot read your mind no matter how gifted Hy/She is in time they can read your body language and they will know how to react to the spasms or obvious chill bumps that run the length of your spine it is still a mystery without words as to what your deep seated desires and needs are from them. It is up to you to tell Hym/Hyr

Personally after an extended scene/session i am totally spent physically and emotionally so sex is the last thing on my mind,lol
a good cuddle with soothing touches that can enable me to "come back" is preffered by me..

As a submissive i cannot stress enough anything that happenes to you is UP to YOU.
we call it the Power Exchange for a very obvious reason ...when you kneel and cast your eyes to the floor this is symbolic of giving your gift of self to your Domme
with just a few cleansing breaths upon exhale of the last your mind with some training will give itself along with your body and soul to the One you hold dear to your heart the One that you hold the utmost respect for and will now honor Hym/Hyr by allowing Hym/Hyr to take your body mind and soul to the very farthest depths of itself and beyond.
Your every movement has a new meaning and a hint of what is needed to explore the depths of you,,, and a Gifted Domme/Mistress/ Femme Daddi .......will with pride and love in thier heart for you
take the both of you on a journey that will allow you to heal itself and you will awaken to a cleansed You !
and a very Happy and content Syr/Sir in pleasing them you are also providing yourself with every intimacy you could ever imagine.
< takes a bite of reeses cups and exhales,lol>


in a lil nut shell what they desire is total power exchange <control>
what you desire is to please
<submit>

but before all this there is a thing called the Dance!

anyone wanna take a stab at explaining it?

fyi my topic is D/s

which differ's from S@M
the two can be combined but for now let's stick to D/s or B@D

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 09:35 AM
~ Common Mistakes New People Make ~

Unknown Author

(If you are the author or know the author, please notify the BRC for proper credit.)

The number one mistake I see made by new to D/s is thinking there is a
right and a wrong way to go about playing. While there are some safety
rules that should be followed, the only people who make the rules are the
ones involved in the scene or relationship. If anyone else tells you that you
are doing this wrong, tell them to mind their own business.

Another common mistake is rushing into things. I know that after years and
years of suppressing this desire it is very hard to take it slow when you
finally find out you aren't the only one that gets turned on by bondage. But
rushing to dominate or submit to another without taking the time to get to
know some skills, and each other, is a recipe for pain... that is the bad kind,
not the good. When you first get started, take the time to read the
literature, join a local organization, and get to know the person you will be
playing with.

A mistake I often see new subs make is submitting to anyone and everyone
who calls themselves a dominant. Just because someone sticks "Master",
"Mistress", "Dom" or "Domme" in their screenname doesn't mean you
have to call them "sir" or "ma'am" or submit to their demands. For the
most part, a reputable, experienced dominant knows this and will not
demand unearned respect. New dominants are sometimes guilty of this. If
someone hasn't earned your respect, why would you act like they have?

Another mistake inexperienced subs often make is in setting limits. Some
make too many limits, and this will sometimes frustrate or scare off the
dominant. Much more common is a new sub setting too few limits. They
feel they will not be desirable or "sub" enough if they have limits. Take
some time to think about what truly squicks you... what you do not under
any circumstances want to experience at present, and make this act a limit.
If a potential Dom/me won't agree to a certain limit, walk away. Of course,
your limits will change as you become more experienced. What you won't
submit to this year, you may crave the next.

Something else I have seen is the "Dom/me is always right" syndrome. The
joke is there are two rules in D/s:

The Dom/me is always right
If the Dom/me is wrong, refer to Rule #1
That's what it is, too... just a joke. Dom/mes are human and are sometimes
wrong. It isn't a sin against the D/s gods to respectfully suggest to your
Dom/me that s/he may be wrong... especially if it involves a safety issue.
Just because you are a sub doesn't mean you check your brain at the door.
If you are the dominant and make a mistake, don't be afraid to admit it and
apologize. It won't make you any less "domly".

Finally, many newbies think that the Dom/me's pleasure is the only thing
that matters. Sure, as a sub it is your job to please your Dom/me, but it
should please you as a sub, also. We play these games to make everyone
happy. While there may be times you do something to please your Dom/me
that you don't enjoy, if you find yourself doing this consistently you are
probably with the wrong partners.

http://visit.webhosting.yahoo.com/visit.gif?&r=http%3A//www.thebrc.net/RB_ARTICLESt-TOPICAL-TheBasics.html&b=Microsoft%20Internet%20Explorer%204.0%20%28compatible%3B%20MSIE%207.0%3B%20AOL%209.0%3B%20Windows%20NT%206.0%3B%20SLCC1%3B%20.NET%20CLR%202.0.50727%3B%20Media%20Center%20PC%205.0%3B%20.NET%20CLR%203.0.04506%29&s=1280x800&o=Win32&c=32&j=true&v=1.2

DaddyPsyche
11-07-2008, 09:35 AM
you are going to be my proverbial thorn in my side, huh?lol



I dare say my kitten can completely attest that this is an entirely true description of me. I can't imagine how she even puts up with me.

*Grin*

Thank you for another lovely informative post.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 09:40 AM
I dare say my kitten can completely attest that this is an entirely true description of me. I can't imagine how she even puts up with me.

*Grin*

Thank you for another lovely informative post.


i consider myself priviledged to be a part of the same community as you and your beloved !!! And your very welcome!

DAYWALKER
11-07-2008, 09:49 AM
i consider myself priviledged to be a part of the same community as you and your beloved !!! And your very welcome!





(f)(f)(f)

Consider yourself privileged to have a Daddi who
suggests that you get some sleep now.
:sleepy:

I happen to know how late you worked last night.
(S)

;)

(f)

:[

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 09:50 AM
Daddi i see you and i know i am suppose to be asleep,lol

maybe if you insist i lay down it might help me and yes my head has almost hit the desk once,lol

and

I LOVE YOU !!!!!

trying to be a good girl

(a)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 09:52 AM
(f)(f)(f)



Consider yourself privileged to have a Daddi who
suggests that you get some sleep now.
:sleepy:


I happen to know how late you worked last night.
(S)


;)


(f)


:[




awwwwwww Thank you Daddi.....good night everyone !!!
and i miss you!!!!
(f)(l)(f)
you are my heart
good night Daddi

TIGGERGRRL
11-07-2008, 10:21 AM
I just wanted to say thank-you for taking the time to start this thread for all us newbies. There is a lot to learn and the the lessons are invaluable. I will be haunting this thread regularly.

Again thank-you so much. :eye-bat:

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-07-2008, 04:06 PM
I just wanted to say thank-you for taking the time to start this thread for all us newbies. There is a lot to learn and the the lessons are invaluable. I will be haunting this thread regularly.

Again thank-you so much. :eye-bat:


thank you so much i look forward to your hauntings.....;)
:|
more to come with morning coffee... till then stay safe everyone !
and feel free to ask questions and give feedback.
(f)

Leibe35
11-07-2008, 05:06 PM
This is a Super Good thread. (y)
LF. Thanks for starting this thread.

Tommi
11-07-2008, 07:19 PM
This is a Super Good thread. (y)
LF. Thanks for starting this thread.

Yes, Mrs. Day, thank you. This community within the B-F community is vast, and there is much to teach and learn. Appreciatively, (y)(y)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 04:06 AM
24/7 - In terms (http://click.adbrite.com/mb/click.php?sid=904243&banner_id=10784422&variation_id=105726&uts=1226145553&cpc=302e303631&keyword_id=42134&inline=y&zk_id=39662227&ab=168362113&sscup=5a9302247d37d1bacc97e76dfe71eff5&sscra=9f4a8637f29479e3cdd22aecd5b04f62&ub=3451679942&guid=2ec710939de9e7bdd4bb4d3f7b0b1d16&rs=&r=) of a D/s relationship, this acronym stands for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It identifies a relationship with round-the-clock Dominant and submissive dynamics.
bisexual - In terms of both BDSM and D/s, this is an adjective used to describe a person (or one's self) as having sexual attraction to both sexes. (See pansexual, (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#pansexual)heterosexual (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#heterosexual), and homosexual (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#homosexual).)
BDSM - In the terms of sexual interactions and physical demonstrations, this acronym stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. It refers to the acts of, or participating in activities that include:
Bondage: the practice of being restrained, physically, by the means of devices such as cuffs or rope.
Discipline: refers to the process of punishing or being punished.
Sadism: coined as a term in reference to the Marquis de Sade, this term refers to deriving pleasure or personal gratification from causing or being a part of causing pain, suffering, or cruelty in a variety of degrees.
Masochism: coined as a term in reference to Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, (author of Venus in Furs); this term is associated with receiving pleasure from mental, emotional, or physical pain or humiliation, also in varying degrees,
bottom - In the terms of BDSM scenes or interactions, this word refers to the person who takes on the submissive role for the duration of a scene. This term is associated with being on the receiving end of bondage, discipline, and sadism. (Note: this term has significant connotative differences from submissive or slave.) See Top (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#top).
consent - In the terms of BDSM, this word means the give permission to planned occurrences (such as to consent to being blindfolded). In terms of D/s, the word refers to giving agreement to situations and decisions at the discretion of the Dominant (although the agreement may define specific restrictions).
consensual non-consent - In D/s or M/s relationships, this refers to the type of agreement made between a Dominant and submissive party, stipulating that the submissive has consented to the Dominant's decisions and puts him/herself in the care of the Dominant. This type of agreement is not to be taken lightly. The submissive party in these types of relationships typically becomes a slave, relinquishing personal freedoms and rights to the Dominant's discretion.
D/s - In context of relationships and social interactions, this acronym stands for Dominance and submission.
Dominance (also called Domination) - In terms of BDSM and D/s, this term refers to taking control of a person or situation through usage of some means (such as physical, mental, financial, etc), or to exercise this power. A person who exercises this power on a regular basis, outside of BDSM scenes, is called a Dominant; the gender specific titles being Dom for a man, Domme or Dominatrix for a woman.
submission - In BDSM and D/s, this refers to the act of yielding to something or someone; also refers to the state of submitting. This may be through the manipulation of a Dominant or Top. Typically, someone who submits on a regular basis, outside of a BDSM scene, is referred to as a submissive (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#submissive). Submissives who submit to an extreme degree are called slaves (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#slave).
etiquette - In terms of D/s, forms and practices that will rule the interactions between community members, Dominants and submissives, and between those involved in a relationship. Because of the authority structure in D/s, often the etiquette a submissive or slave adheres to is much stricter than interactions between vanilla (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#vanilla) individuals. Example of such etiquette: using Sir or Ma'am when speaking to Dominants.
femdom - In both BDSM and D/s, this term refers to Female Domination, or when a woman is a Dominant partner. A female Dominant is referred to as a Domme or Dominatrix. (Other monikers include Domme, Dominatrix, Miss, Mistress, Ma'am, etc.)
heterosexual - In terms of BDSM and D/s, this term refers to having a sexual or relationship preference for members of the opposite sex.
homosexual - In terms of BDSM and D/s, this word describes a person as having a sexual or relationship preference of members of the same sex.
Lifestyle D/s - A lifestyle (an individual's typical way of life), where D/s is a principal element in day to day living, and where final authority for the majority of significant life decisions rests with the Dominant in the relationship. (See Total Power Exchange (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#total power exchange).)
limit - In BDSM, this refers to an activity or fetish that a person will refuse to participate in; in D/s, it refers to the same as BDSM, but a much larger scope, extending to everyday life (for instance, refusing to allow a Dominant to choose clothing). Limits are often a topic of discussion between Doms and subs who may potentially engage in a relationship, defining the types and degrees of limits. Hard limits are limits that are firm, and not mutable with circumstance; soft limits are negotiable under certain circumstances.
M/s - Refers to D/s relationships; this acronym stands for Master and slave. It refers to a type of relationship that is a serious commitment, often long-term, and in some cases may be 'consensual non-consent'. While this is not true of all M/s relationships, a large majority of them are involved 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (also called 24/7 (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#24/7)), and have detailed contracts or agreements.
maledom - In both BDSM and D/s, this refers to Male Domination, or when a man is a Dominant partner. A male Dominant is referred to as a Dom. (Other monikers are Dom, Sir, Master, Daddy, etc.)
Old Guard (or OG) - Historical reference to the original Gay Leather BDSM scene of the 60's; characterized by strict discipline and rules, and a close-knit exclusive community that tried to protect its members from the media.
pansexual - In both BDSM and D/s, this is a term used to describe a person with sexual or activity preferences with all genders and orientations, or an organization or community that caters to all orientations, genders, activities.
power exchange (PE) - In both BDSM and D/s, this is a imprecise term. 'Power' is the ability affect the world around you. This term is associated with a submissive exchanging his/her authority to make decisions (whether just for a scene, or for his/her entire life), for the Dominant's agreement to take responsibility for his/her happiness and health.
sadomasochism - Term coined by Sigmund Freud. In dealing with BDSM, this term is applied to individuals who derive pleasure from the pain and humiliation inflicted on others, or on themselves.
SSC - In terms of BDSM, this acronym stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual. Originally offered to the media in the early 80's as a description for BDSM activities as to make the general public feel at ease about such "dangerous and unhealthy" practices.
safeword - A term in BDSM that relates to a word or phrase used for communication in a scene. Most commonly, a safeword is used by the submissive to end a scene because of pain or other problems. When not previously discussed, three conventional terms are used in scenes; "green" for "Go ahead, I'm fine," "yellow" for "Slow down," and "red" for "Stop immediately."
scene - This term applies to mostly BDSM; a division of time that encapsulates a BDSM activity, ranging from a few minutes to several hours. Also used as a verb, as to "scene" with someone implies that you have been or will be involved with someone for the scene. Alternatively, this term has been applied to the BDSM community's more public gatherings or the state the community is in. ["The scene around Houston is very active."]
slave - A term is often used synonymously with bottom or sub. Connotatively it refers to very involved D/s relationships; a person who has surrendered their personal property and freedoms to another, who has become the property or chattel of their owner(s). This term is widely used, as it has a certain self-affirming weight. The difference between submissive and slave is the degree of submission. For more on this, see the article of Degrees of Submission.
submissive -- In D/s relationships, a submissive is a person who retains freedoms and rights, but submits or potentially submits to another in areas wider than BDSM scenes. Within a BDSM only context submissive is synonymous with 'bottom'. Submissives can vary in how serious they take their position, training, and situation.
switch -- In relation to BDSM, a switch is associated with a person who has a preference for being both submissive and Dominant in their BDSM activities (not necessarily at the same time).
top -- A common expression in BDSM for a person who takes on the Dominant role for the duration of a scene. This term is associated with being on the administering end of sadism, bondage, and discipline.
Total Power Exchange (TPE) is a derivative of the concept of power exchange (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#power exchange), and again is imprecise wording. However, the term refers to a relationship where the Dominant has complete authority and influence over the submissive's life, making the majority of decisions. (See Lifestyle D/s (http://www.domsub.info/glossary.shtml#lifestyle).)
toy is a term relating to the physical objects used in and around the scene, such as whips, paddles, cuffs, and floggers.
vanilla -- A term coined by the BDSM and D/s communities to describe the "normal" (non-BDSM or non-D/s). It is used to illustrate a division of communities and ideas, as many "vanilla" people are adverse to the concepts of BDSM and D/s in general.

http://www.domsub.info/images/dots_300.gif

:

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 04:15 AM
(c)(c)(c)(c)(c)(c)(c)(c)(c)(c)(c)

good morning folks !
come in sit down and have pen and paper or printer ready!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 04:32 AM
sub urgency


This is a term I use to describe that sense of urgency that many new submissives feel. This sense of urgency creates a dangerous mindset, in that the need to experience everything now overrides the common sense to be careful.
Let me describe this, a person reads about BDSM on the web and it gets them hot. The idea of being bound, spanked, sexually teased, and giving up erotic control to another is highly arousing to them. It stimulates the mind and the body. The person may actually find themselves sitting at the computer and looking at the web sites and becoming uncomfortably physically aroused. (this same scenario works for magazines, books, chat rooms etc.). This person then begins to crave the play that comes with this lifestyle. When they finally have their first experience, even if it is a very light scene, they often increase their need for more. Or worse, foster a false sense of "love" for the dominant because he/she was the only one to create such an overwhelming physical sensation.
When this need gets too high it will overwhelm one's common sense. The person finds them self thinking "Oh that only happens to other people!" or "I am being careful, I know I am" while going out and playing with someone they just met. Or signing a contract before they fully realize the scope of the commitment they just made. Or entering into a 24/7 relationship before they even know whether or not they will get along with the other person. Or taking the collar of a dominant they've only known a few days.
I remember when I was real new to the lifestyle in the sense that I knew others who were in it as well. I also got that "fever". The urgency to experience everything yesterday if not sooner. I made a few mistakes which cost me dearly on an emotional level and could have cost me my life. When a submissive is in a scene, naked and bound, he or she is totally helpless and at the mercy of the dominant. A safeword is a good thing to have for new relationships, but it isn't going to save your life if the dominant is bent on taking it. Nor will a safe call, a play list or what have you. When a scene is underway, the sub is trusting that the dominant will honor the limits they set up. If that dominant is not honorable or trustworthy, during a scene is a rotten time to find out since it may cost the submissive's life.
BDSM is a lot of fun, but it is also very serious and very dangerous. Yes, the physical sensations are wonderful. The emotional closeness between a dominant and a submissive is marvelous. The personal satisfaction (both physical and emotional) can be quite strong. But none of these things are a good enough reason to risk your life anymore than you have to. Slow down, take your time and get to know yourself before you try getting to know a partner. Discovering submission is a powerful thing, that can have many repercussions that you can't even imagine right now. Often, this discovery can shake the very foundation of your beliefs. That does not just settle down over night. Take the time to learn about BDSM in general, the different types of relationships, different levels of submission, and all the other things before you commit yourself to a relationship that you may not be ready to handle. A submissive, who gets in over his/her head, will often wind up with serious psychological problems. BDSM is not all just physical sensation, to many people it includes a deep mental aspect. You have to have at least an idea of what you want out of BDSM, before you get into a relationship that might not meet those needs. If you take your time now, you will be grateful for having that patience later.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 05:07 AM
This is a term I use to describe that sense of urgency that many new dominants feel. This sense of urgency creates a dangerous mindset, in that the need to experience everything now overrides the common sense to be careful.
Let me describe this, a person reads about BDSM on the web and it gets them hot. The idea of tying someone up, spanking them, teasing them sexually, and having them follow your every command is highly arousing to them. Many think of the words "sex slave" as a first thought and go on the assumption that all submissives are sex slaves. This stimulates the mind and the body. The person may actually find themselves sitting at the computer and looking at the web sites and becoming uncomfortably physically aroused. (this same scenario works for magazines, books, chat rooms etc.). This person then begins to crave the play that comes with this lifestyle. When they finally have their first experience, even if it is a very light scene, they often increase their need for more. They want to experience the "power" of being a dominant more often.
When this need gets too high it will overwhelm one's common sense. The person finds them self thinking "Oh that only happens to other people!" or "I am being careful, I know I am" while going out and playing with someone they just met. Or signing a contract before they fully realize the scope of the commitment they just made. Or entering into a 24/7 relationship before they even know whether or not they will get along with the other person. Or collaring a submissive before they even know what the responsibility that entails.
I remember when I was real new to the lifestyle in the sense that I knew others who were in it as well. I also got that "fever". The urgency to experience everything yesterday if not sooner. I made a few mistakes which cost me dearly on an emotional level and could have cost me my life. When a submissive is in a scene, naked and bound, he or she is totally helpless and at the mercy of the dominant. The dominant shoulders the responsibility of checking on the submissive's physical condition, keeping the scene within the agreed upon limits (if any) and stopping before real physical harm can occur. Often, this play will include implements that the dominant has never used before and has no real idea of how to use it but thinks "heck, it can't be that hard to swing a crop!" A very dangerous thing to think about. Learning to use the physical toys correctly is a major part of being a dominant.
BDSM is a lot of fun, but it is also very serious and very dangerous. Yes, the physical sensations are wonderful. The emotional closeness between a dominant and a submissive is marvelous. The personal satisfaction (both physical and emotional) can be quite strong. A dominant is as vulnerable to harm as a submissive. A submissive who cries rape is probably going to be believed, no matter what the dominant has as so called "proof" of consent.
The mental responsibilities that a dominant has, are an area that often gets lost in the shuffle of the "fever". One tends to forget that the submissive submits more than just physically and that has to be taken into consideration. As well, the dominant has to have a good knowledge of their submissive in order to effectively control him/her. The dominant must be able to control him/herself before he/she can ever hope to control another.
Slow down, take your time and get to know yourself before you try getting to know a partner. Discovering domination is a powerful thing, that can have many repercussions that you can't even imagine right now. Often, this discovery can shake the very foundation of your beliefs. That does not just settle down over night. Take the time to learn about BDSM in general, the different types of relationships, different levels of submission, and all the other things before you commit yourself to a relationship that you may not be ready to handle. BDSM is not all just physical sensation, to many people it includes a deep mental aspect. You have to have at least an idea of what you want out of BDSM, before you get into a relationship that might not meet those needs. As a dominant, you have to have a working understanding of the responsibility a dominant shoulders. Further, you have to know how to use the implements as safely as possible. There is a lot that one has to learn before they can seriously consider a full time relationship. If you take your time now, you will be grateful for having that patience later.

glenninindy
11-08-2008, 05:24 AM
Good Mornin Mrs./Lady Day/Flame. I need to have more information about these online relationships and contracts.The parties who cannot get it together for whatever the reasons be, is a bad space to be . I was so clueless to her disobedience! Subs should be honest when they can no longer wait for their Doms to arrive instead of yes Daddy/no Daddy lies..etc..etc..Or if their Master/Dom's cannot/willnot join with them for punishment or other powers that be. How long should we stop waiting and find another ? I really don't know what she is doing behind my back!

Diamondbutch1
11-08-2008, 05:29 AM
LADY FLAMES if I may I would like to address the issue of social etiquette,for one never wants to be considered rude. Remembering back to that first social gather was for me and can be for others a nerve raking experience. Though I am high of social manners and graces I til that moment had not known of what some may consider propper protocol with in a social gathering. I was fortunate enough to have the guidance of a friend/teacher and received a very quick crash course walking up the stairs. To this day I still remember it ..1 address the Dom first ..2) dont assume all couples/pairs play with others ...and as the door opened the 3rd was...if theres something you want to try ask permission first. Now that was 25yrs ago so Im sure that there is now somewhere a list of social manners/etiquette that would aid in helping ease the nerve of those taking those first fledgling steps.
Got to run but shall be back.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 06:03 AM
Good Mornin Mrs./Lady Day/Flame. I need to have more information about these online relationships and contracts.The parties who cannot get it together for whatever the reasons be, is a bad space to be . I was so clueless to her disobedience! Subs should be honest when they can no longer wait for their Doms to arrive instead of yes Daddy/no Daddy lies..etc..etc..Or if their Master/Dom's cannot/willnot join with them for punishment or other powers that be. How long should we stop waiting and find another ? I really don't know what she is doing behind my back!

may i say this without any issues following it such as an irrate submissive....

If your online sub has lied to you...she is not your sub! period that is blatant disrespect and in the realms/confines of this lifestyle there is no space for lies. Perhaps her cravings are so strong she like many others just cannot have the patience needed to cultivate what is to come between the two of you. perhaps in her mind she was testing the waters so to speak imagining in her subbie head that when you discovered her disobedience all kinds of wonderful punishments would persue but alas if she trys to provoke punishment by telling you lies , i say the time has come to stop the madness. maybe her time would be better spent learning about what is expected of her in the future and NOW which is respect and honor and being faithful to her Domme. D/s is difficult enough to explore whilst online when it is interupted by lies it stands no chance.

just my opinion :}

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 06:06 AM
LADY FLAMES if I may I would like to address the issue of social etiquette,for one never wants to be considered rude. Remembering back to that first social gather was for me and can be for others a nerve raking experience. Though I am high of social manners and graces I til that moment had not known of what some may consider propper protocol with in a social gathering. I was fortunate enough to have the guidance of a friend/teacher and received a very quick crash course walking up the stairs. To this day I still remember it ..1 address the Dom first ..2) dont assume all couples/pairs play with others ...and as the door opened the 3rd was...if theres something you want to try ask permission first. Now that was 25yrs ago so Im sure that there is now somewhere a list of social manners/etiquette that would aid in helping ease the nerve of those taking those first fledgling steps.
Got to run but shall be back.



for three quick lessons that friend nailed it, i'll see if i have that bit of information for you.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 06:45 AM
basic etiquette!

I. Eight Points for Socializing

1. Don't assume...


Making assumptions is dangerous enough in the vanilla world. It's more so in the scene. BDSM is something most of us have fantasized about for a long time before we are introduced to its reality. Until then our concept of BDSM is more often based on works of fiction like Pauline Reage's Story of O, Ann Rice's "Beauty" Trilogy, or John Norman's "Gor" series rather than the non-fiction guides like S&M 101 by Jay Wiseman or Learning the Ropes by Race Bannon. It's easy to build up an elaborate fantasy that doesn't really prepare us for the mundane "normal" reality of ordinary people forming real human relationships.
If you are just getting involved it's good to take a low key approach. Start by finding out what's expected of you and what you can expect. Attend socials, meet people, observe, and ask questions. Get to know people on a human level without concerning yourself too much with roles.
Don't assume you have to be dressed in a $500 designer latex catsuit to fit in. The models in <<O>> and Taste of Latex are not representative of the scene where I play. The players I know come in all shapes, sizes, ages, and orientations. As Ani DiFranco sings "You don't have to be a super model to do the animal thang." BDSM doesn't have to be about conspicuous consumption and outrageous fashion statements. It can be -- if that's your kink -- but it doesn't have to be.
So how should you dress? It depends on the function. For SAS/M socials in public restaurants we only ask that you not wear anything objectionable like a transparent blouse or an exposed thong. We would like to be welcomed back by the restaurant's management. Otherwise you're welcome to dress creatively. Cernunus likes to wear a military school jacket and black latex pants. (I've heard that other groups in other states prefer that you dress as vanilla as possible. Some people are afraid to be identified as being a "pervert." If they're seen associating with "leather clad bikers" and scantily clad "exotic dancers" the word might get out. When in doubt, dress like you're going to a PTA meeting.) For parties, dress for your own enjoyment or for the pleasure of your significant other. Just be sure to wear something over your more "inspired" clothing when you're outside our party space.

Don't assume someone you've never meet is there for your pleasure. That "buffet attitude" insults everyone. It dismisses the "Entree's" prerogative, loyalty, and ability to choose. It also says something about the offender's self-confidence. He is relying on an assumed role rather than his own merits and abilities to find a partner.
Submission is a gift. The submissive chooses the Dom/me. (I'm from a school of thought that every thing the Top does should secretly be for the benefit of the submissive. I try to please my partners and reward their expectations.

Don't assume that BDSM is always sexual. BDSM is not synonymous with swinging, swapping, or Polyamoury -- although it's possible for it to co-exist with these lifestyles. A BDSM relationship can consist entirely of kinky role playing and sex or have no sexual involvement at all. Just remember: You don't have to have sex if you're playing with someone.
The greater BDSM scene consists of a lot of contrasting traditions (Old Guard, Gorean, Biblical, etc.,) The rules for any one tradition generally don't apply to the rest. There is no one true path. The closest that most of us agree on is that play should be safe, sane, and consensual.
2. Be honest with others...


I feel sorry for those people who didn't know they were into S&M before they got married but I don't have sympathy for someone who lies about having a spouse or forgets to mention it. Don't involve anyone in a non consensual act of adultery.
If you are a novice looking for a someone to play with let them know you are new to the scene. Everyone has to start somewhere. Being a novice does not make you a bad player but lying about your level of experience is dangeous for everyone. Your partners have the right and need to know how experienced you are.
3. Be honest with yourself about what you want...


If you are entering the scene to experience physical pain then you are a masochist or at least masochistic. If you wish to serve someone then you are submissive. It's possible to be both or only one but you must recognize what you want out of the experience and present yourself accordingly. The same can be said for dominance and sadism. Tell your potential partners what you want -- whether it's sensation or servitude or both. Subs, please don't "top from below" by agreeing to submit to someone just so that you can force them to punish you (unless you know for a fact you both enjoy that sort of discipline.) Those types of subs are dismissed as S.A.M.s (Smart Assed Masochist) Someone once said "Never put a top in a position where they have to prove something."
The tastes in the scene are wide and varied. It's full of sadists, masochists, dominants, submissives and every combination of the four. There is someone for you whatever your proclivities.
4. Don't touch without permission...


This seems like a bigger irritant in our scene than in society as a whole. I know a lot of Dommes who get notably irritated when someone touches them, their toys, or their subs without permission. I once saw a novice Dom/me make an enemy for life by reaching over to touch a woman's hand and ask "are you a sub or a Domme?" He found out the hard way.
5. Don't come on too strong...


There's a natural tendency to confuse the role of the dominant with "being dominant." You don't have to be over bearing to be a dominant. (Neither do you have to be a welcome mat to be a submissive.) It's possible to be polite and dominant. As Oscar Wilde writes "A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally." A low key approach is better when meeting someone new.
SAS/M is a social group. It's not a dating service. Although we hope people find like minded partners at our socials we don't want to encourage a "meat market" atmosphere. If you're unconcerned in getting to know people you won't have much success finding someone to with whom to play. Can someone feel safe with a Dom/me who isn't interested in who they play with or their needs?
Don't be pushy: Don't coerce. Don't force your attentions on someone who doesn't want them. This sends a seriously bad message: No one wants to play with someone who is too pushy. Submissives can't trust a coercive Dom/me. If the Dom/me won't accept a submissive's "no" in the public setting is it likely the Dom/me will accept the limits of an isolated, bound, defenseless submissve in bondage?
6. Be discreet...


This is a very private part of people's lives. If word gets out it could cost someone their lively hood, their standing in the community, and even custody of their children. Don't talk about someone else's activities in BDSM to anyone outside our community that doesn't have a right and need to know. SAS/M takes privacy very seriously. We have revoked membership over the matter.
7. Respect alternatives...


Remember...homophobia, racism, and BDSM don't mix.
8. Discourage negative behavior...


This is everyone's responsibility. Subs - please stand up for yourselves or at least report inappropriate behavior. Dom/mes - report inappropriate behavior to the munch (or event) facilitators

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 07:27 AM
A lil humor.."ouch.'is not a safe word nor is 'that hurts'
:|
something you never want to hear your Domme say "uh oh"
:o

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 07:29 AM
now i'll sit back and wait for more input!!!
and maybe some coffee :}
:[(c):[
(f)

Diamondbutch1
11-08-2008, 11:18 AM
for three quick lessons that friend nailed it, i'll see if i have that bit of information for you.


Good day to you Lady Flamezz and to Day. Time and experiences have groomed my social manners ,but back then such knowledge would have made interduction/interaction a little less ummm awk ward shall we say.

Diamondbutch1
11-08-2008, 11:28 AM
Do sit back and enjoy that coffee ,give the fingers a rest......lol
Besides have to give the rest of us time to catch up on the reading.
(mind swirling for another ??????)
Off to ponder ...( wonders off tapping head ...sounding like Pooh bear..Think..Think..Think)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 12:49 PM
waiting .....for it to all sink in.
(f)

akadyke
11-08-2008, 01:17 PM
nothing like some good reading in the morning/afternoon.
<subscribing>
:1eye:

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 01:32 PM
the only time i am going to post long is in the mornings the rest of the day is for discussion should anyone wanna discuss,lol
(f)
if not it would be one long post and that would be boring i think!
|-)

DivaTX45
11-08-2008, 01:52 PM
However, Your writing, Lady F, is like a good book.....I like to go back and re~read...and I always learn something new.... :eye-bat:

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-08-2008, 04:22 PM
M/many involved in the BDSM lifestyle have been introduced to it through the Internet and online chat rooms. Online can be very intense and very special. It can also lead to great harm to many, just as realtime relationships can be quite intense and special and for others just as harmful. The possible harm in the online world is mainly emotional harm, though physical harm can happen when a submissive follows directions from one who claims to be a Dominant who is either uneducated or not a dominant at all, but a player.

What I wish to speak of now is emotional harm. Where most physical harm will heal, emotional harm can last a lifetime. I have seen so very often where a submissive is harmed because he/she gives all their trust to one not worthy of it. Submissives have several desires…a desire to please…a desire to be owned…a desire to be loved…and a desire to be treasured. These desires can leave a submissive quite open to being harmed emotionally. These desires are very intense, but they are very much part of them. And it is important that a submissive understands these needs and how to have them met properly. For an abuser, it is easy for them to become prey, if the submissive does not understand. An abuser takes these desires and carefully uses them to harm another. So please understand…understand yourself, understand your needs, and understand that with patience, you will find what it is you seek and your desires will be met.
Abusers use these needs to trap a submissive. They are very careful, they know how to manipulate the desires of another. They act as though they desire them…make them feel as though they are loved, but the one who is being targeted knows in their heart the relationship is not a good one. What the abuser has done, is draw the one so deeply in, they feel they cannot back away. Even though they know it is a bad relationship, the abuser meets just enough needs to entwine them. The abuser makes them feel as if they are the one who is at fault for any problems in the relationship and in doing this, the abuser sucks the life from them, but does not allow them to be free. Often, it is said, when online, the "Off" button is a safety measure, and that can work for a time, but once one is drawn in deeply by the manipulations of an abuser, it is hard to hit that button, but you can be free of abuse.
I am going to express in points things one should watch for and consider. If these things are occurring, please seriously consider what is going on with your relationship…
1. Isolation - Are you regularly kept from talking to others, be it in a chatroom or any other venue? Are you not allowed to have input from others? Are you with no real cause not allowed to talk to others who were your friends? Temporary separation from others does happen, but it is only for a limited time and only to give a submissive time to consider things and learn. But, it is this important to consider, is this one who claims to be a Dominant so insecure about himself and your relationship he cannot allow you to talk to others? A true Dominant is not insecure and will not keep you from openly talking with others, so that you also are secure in yourself and the relationship you are building with Him/Her.
2. Belittlement - Do you feel as if you are put down? Do you feel like less of a person than you did before you met this person? Do your insecurities grow as you have gotten more involved with this person? A true Dominant desires to build up and help to make others the best they can be. If it is the one they claim as Their own, that desire is even more intense. To a true Dominant, this possession is a treasure and will be treated with great care and love.
3. Terror - Are you afraid to speak openly to the one who claims to be a Dominant? Afraid that your words will not be respected? Afraid you will be screamed at or made to feel guilty for expressing yourself? A true Dominant will not do that. you should feel and you need to know you have a right to express your concerns and that they will be listened to. A true Dominant will listen to you and allow you to express yourself and then the Dominant will talk with you. Does this mean the Dominant's view is right or your is…no…but a true Dominant will respect you, just as you respect that Dominant.

4. Lack of trust - Do you feel a lack of trust for the one claiming to be Dominant? Are there many questions in your mind and heart which cannot be answered? In any relationship questions do arise, especially as two begin to learn of E/each O/other. But are you not allowed to discuss them? Or the answer, if you do raise a question from the other is a question, "Why do you doubt Me?" A true Dominant will desire to build your trust and security. As I said, in any relationship questions arise, a true Dominant understands this and will allow you to express yourself. The Dominant's desire is that you have absolute peace and trust, first in yourself, then in the relationship Y/you B/both are building and living.

DivaTX45
11-08-2008, 04:40 PM
Once again.....thank You for this valuable information, LadyFlamezzz.....

You are a Gift.(g)

~Diva (8)

Diamondbutch1
11-09-2008, 04:36 AM
One pot of coffee later and all caught up and ready for discussion.
Respect and trust as you have pointed out Lady Flamezzz is the basic foundation,and those both only come with time .
I was in conversation with a young butch who seemed to be under the impression that dominance was taking what they wanted when they wanted. This pre-conceived notion that submission is something that is taken is such a fulse hood.
To be Dominate is to understand that submission is given. Plain and simple,it is a precious gift that is to be treasured, protected and respected.
Physical submission can be forced but true/ultimate submission is Given.

Tommi
11-09-2008, 06:04 AM
waiting .....for it to all sink in.
(f)

Mrs. Day, good work. Taking the time and patience to explain, and educate is a gift. The lifestyle is so oft misunderstood, and the "wanna-be's and the predators" can wreak havoc to the innocent and untrained. SSC is more than initials, it can save a life. Safety on the internet or in persn can be the difference between life and death.
Good day to you and the Mr. (y)

DAYWALKER
11-09-2008, 06:47 AM
One pot of coffee later and all caught up and ready for discussion.
Respect and trust as you have pointed out Lady Flamezzz is the basic foundation,and those both only come with time .
I was in conversation with a young butch who seemed to be under the impression that dominance was taking what they wanted when they wanted. This pre-conceived notion that submission is something that is taken is such a fulse hood.
To be Dominate is to understand that submission is given. Plain and simple,it is a precious gift that is to be treasured, protected and respected.
Physical submission can be forced but true/ultimate submission is Given.


Well said.

:beatnik:

:[

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 07:51 AM
The primary reason for this thread is to educate pure and simple, Db1 i have seen so many online and off line Dommes that expect
< yup expect> total submission from someone just because they say so..i have to laugh at this because as you so eloquently said submission is a gift , a gift to be cherished and protected by a Domme not assumed.
Threads like this help the masses <hopefully gain a more adult understanding> slavery and submission which will be todays lesson is also different, the two are not the same...so let's explore <ready>?

Diamondbutch1
11-09-2008, 07:59 AM
Thank you Day Walker..may your day be blessed with a 1000 smiles.

Diamondbutch1
11-09-2008, 08:02 AM
Ready ......set....Lets go......lol

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 08:04 AM
Submissive


A person who prefers to be subordinate in a D/s relationship, obeying, serving, and pleasing their Dominant (http://www.seekdiscipline.com/wiki/Dominant/) partner. Submissive is the broadest term in the submissive/slave/property panoply. All slaves are submissives and all who describe themselves as property are submissives but not all submissives are slaves or property of an owner. Self-describing as a submissive does not necessarily mean that the person already has a dominant. Instead, submissive describes a preference for taking the submissive role in a relationship or in a bdsm scene and operates as a type of self-description or self-advertisement.
The term bottom (http://www.seekdiscipline.com/wiki/Bottom/) is in turn a more general than "submissive", and also includes people who take a passive role in BDSM (http://www.seekdiscipline.com/wiki/BDSM/) activities that don't include obedience or service.
The everyday definition of the word "submissive" is: "characterized by tendencies to yield to the will or authority of others" (Merriam-Webster). The bdsm and M/s definition of submissive differs from the everyday definition of submissive in the following ways:


Submissive in BDSM and the Ownership Subculture is commonly used as a noun and this is a correct usage within this subculture.

The word submissive in the BDSM world is considerably more protean than the ordinary use of the word. Submissive in the everyday sense is an adjective describing a fixed personality feature exhibited in all interactions with others. In the vanilla world "submissive" commonly refers to a set of traits that is manifested whenever the person interacts with anyone. Within BDSM or the Ownership Subculture the word "submissive" refers only to that person's relationship to their own dominant or potential dominants they wish to form a relationship with. In other words, some very non-submissive people in the vanilla world commonly describe themselves as submissive when referring to their relationship with a dominant or when describing themselves in the BDMS or Ownership Subculture.
Differences between submissives and slaves


Within much of the Ownership Subculture, submissive is used as a counter-example to the term "slave". Submissives are described as people who have rights within their D/s relationship, including the right and ability to leave if the relationship becomes difficult or unpleasant. Within a D/s relationship submissives may have the ability to negotiate the terms of their submission on a moment to moment basis and have expectations of their owner on how they should be treated. These expectations are taken very seriously by both the dominant and the submissive. They may be described in a written document which both parties are expected to adhere to or they may be verbal agreements that are subject to frequent re-negotiations.


as a submissive W/we have choices it's really very simple don't let the nouns and pronouns and adjectives confuse you......I cannot say enough W/we have choices , W/we negotiate with our D/dommes.


next is a basics definition of a slave



these are found through out the internet people so don't be offended...

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 08:35 AM
In a lot of circles, the terms submissive and slave are used interchangeably. In others, submissive is designated as a different level of submission than a slave is. The basic distinction made in most circles is that a slave is property and a submissive is not. The submissive chooses when they submit and to whom them submit, while a slave submits completely at all times, no matter who they are submitting to.

In some circles, this is how things work. In others, there is more distinction. A submissive seeks out only casual contact. A slave seeks out ownership. To be owned, to give themselves fully to another person. To give oneself to another, allowing them to make all decisions. They have no freedoms, they have no rights. They are nothing more than a piece of property to be used at their Master or Mistress' whim.

Submissives retain their rights and freedoms. They have a say in their submission. Owned or seeking, a submissive retains their rights in the relationships (http://www.associatedcontent.com/theme/1394/relationships.html) they enter into. They still make their own decisions, freely and openly. They set their own limits and are only owned until they choose not to be. Some who read this will say, "but that isn't submitting." It's not hard to think this because in a lot of ways, it can be viewed that way, however, dominance and submission isn't based on rights and freedoms. The level of dominance or submission comes from other aspects of the relationship, after limits are discussed.

Either way, submissives and slaves are individuals. Each and every individual is different. Each relationship is different and how we conduct ourselves in each relationship is different. The determination of submission versus slavery is in the conduct of the relationship, For instance, one can submit sexually, while outside of the bedroom they are an equal partner in the relationship. One can submit when it comes to household chores, yet in other areas of life, they are an equal with their partner. Submission can go even further as well. If a submissive chooses to live within a relationship where the dominant controls every aspect of their life, from what they wear, to what they do during the day and how they are to do it, then it crosses from submission into slavery.

Much like in the days of southern slavery, every aspect of the submissive's life is controlled. However, unlike southern slaves, the submissive chose this lifestyle, they chose to give themselves to another. They also can choose to no longer be a slave by either ending the relationship or redefining it with their partner. A slave in the BDSM lifestyle lives in a total power exchange (http://www.associatedcontent.com/theme/1553/exchange.html) relationship with their Master or Mistress by their choice and their willingness to give themselves to another. Sometimes it will be said that a slave's only escape is death of their partner, but this is not really the case in a proper relationship, no matter whether it is Master and Slave or Master and Submissive.

Like any other relationship, every definition is another label given by society. It's up to the couple to define their label to suit their needs.

</U>

</U>

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 09:05 AM
as a submissive i have a bone to pick with the definition below,lol

i am the property of Sir DAYWALKER but it was at my own choice W/we do have a contract between us but whats more is my deep devotion to Hym as not only my Sir but my loving life time partner as well to me in O/our world they go hand in hand. For some people single people and poly people the contracts may be for a limited amount of time. This is the beauty of D/s no one person's way is right or wrong, it is what Y/you make it, The basics are the same however, W/we live under an honor code of conduct SSC and trust honor morally and ethically and respect for one another.
(f)
It has been a long tyime devisor between submissives and slaves one thinking the other is more right or wrong,lol
As for me i don't care how you identify as long as in your world your happy and safe!


W/we need a BDSM emoticon,lol
and maybe a symbol or two!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 09:36 AM
Sample Party Rules


this is old guard examples to me they hold true today
<LI class=smallbold>
Do not make assumptions. Negotiate all scenes. Do not assume that the presence of someone at this party means they are available. Do not involve yourself in a scene without an invitation.
<LI class=smallbold>
Never touch anyone, their equipment, or belongings without permission.
<LI class=smallbold>
Privacy and discretion are to be respected. All information about party activities, attendees, etc. is to be considered confidential. Do not bring cameras or other recording devices.
<LI class=smallbold>
Treat everyone with equal respect -- Doms, Subs, Switches, and Staff alike.
<LI class=smallbold>
Play sober. Do not bring alcohol or recreational drugs to the party.
<LI class=smallbold>
Smoking will be at the discretion of the Board of Perverts. Smoking will be allowed in established smoking areas only.
<LI class=smallbold>
Please be prepared with something to cover your more daring clothing -- or lack thereof -- when you go outside the party space.
<LI class=smallbold>
No genital or anal penetration, oral sex or exchange of bodily fluids.
<LI class=smallbold>
Solicitation for sexual services is not allowed.
<LI class=smallbold>
Please agree on safe words for scenes. "Red" will be a default safe word.
<LI class=smallbold>
Respect scenes. Limit conversation and screaming in the play area. Don't crowd the playing areas.
<LI class=smallbold>
Respect the playspace. Clean up after messy scenes. Use a drop cloth when waxing. No scat or water sports.
<LI class=smallbold>
Limit play to the playspace. Do not engage in play outside the Dungeon Monitor's line of vision.
<LI class=smallbold>
Don't bring guns. [editor's note: this _is_ a Texas group]

Dungeon Monitors have the final word on everything including the right to stop an unsafe or abusive scene. Check with the DM before any fireplay (waxing, cupping, flash paper, etc.), piercing, or bloodsports.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 10:15 AM
i tried to edit my last post but i was to late it looks horrible but the meaning doesn't vary becuase of appearence,lol
;)
have yall noticed i always type becuase =becuase
instead of because,lol
< bare with me >
smh at myself

zansi
11-09-2008, 10:28 AM
Hello Lady Flamezzz!

Wow!...after exams Im going to scurry back here and do some reading! I have read a few posts, which I have found very interesting. Thank you =)

*waves

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 11:24 AM
If you don't read anything else i post , please for the love of yourself and your Domme READ this.....it will save you humiliation and respect for yourself and could possibly save your life! i have highlighted the parts that made me cry,lol






SAFE-SANE-CONSENSUAL. abbreviated at times as SSC.

SAFE: -- looking out for each other's personal safety.
SANE -- looking out for each other's mental/emotional health.
CONSENSUAL -- Both partners are: sober, of legal age, and are making their choices with informed consent.
D/s BDSM does not mean rape, it does not mean emotional and physical abuse or battering. If you do not consent, it should not happen.
I shall start with Consensual. whether you know it or not... every contact or exchange in D/s..is a "Contract". A contract meaning, people agree to do or permit certain things in exchange for certain considerations. A Power EXCHANGE.
I agree to spank my sub, understanding her limits as far as pain or endurance. She may permit me to tie her down but not permit me to touch her in certain ways. Perhaps no tickling or no anal contact no enema.....whatever. It is a contract of trust.
Even in a relationship that seems to have no "contract" People have not selected each other in a vacumn. the old couple that has been "at this for years" found each other and agreed to explore places or lead each other places after a base mutual consent. She was relatively sure he wasn't a Charles Manson. He was fairly safe in the asumption she wasn't a Lorena Bobbit.
In those places on line that promote "slavery" or total submission. it is easy to believe a "real Dom" or a "real sub" will permit an "anything goes" relationship. But the truth of the matter is in r/l ( Real Life) there are "understandings" or Contracts that have evolved of mutual interests and trusts.
I do not mean to take Gorean fantasy play or Rapesex "play" to task. But I do wish to promote D/s as a generally healthy responsible ( albeit different) lifestyle choice. To comply with local laws or at the minimum, civilized respect and compassion for a fellow human being, certain base rules must be adhered to.
So Consensual means, "Contracting" or agreeing on what will be "explored" and to what degree. What will be permitted? What will not? There is a tool that serves both the Dom and the sub well under the the heading of Consensual. the Safeword.
The Safeword is a way for the sub to express the limits of the contract are being reached. Traditional safewords include "Yellow Light". a phrase the sub will express to say "Caution!" Perhaps to slow down lighten up, or to be careful about a new direction in contact. Red Light is often used to bring a direct and complete halt to all contact or behavior.
Dom's and subs may choose their own words... but it is strongly advised that such a Safeword system be in place as folks who are new to each other, begin to explore.
There are two other reasons Safewords are advantageous in all D/s contact. They are liberating! They allow the couple to move forward without concern for crossing boundaries.
I know for example.. my sub wants the spanking of her life.... I am free to work her more firmly or for a longer period if I know she has the ability to participate in the process or express her concerns.
And Safewords allow for trust building. Much of this is about building trust not being the most macho Dom or Domme in the universe.
I tend to start slow and build over sessions... making my subs yearn for more. Others tend to take out the wicked toys and immediately test the subs limits. In either scenario... the ability to invoke a Safeword gives the couple freedom to explore more sincerely rather then grope unknown in subspace and risk losing trust.
There is no blank check in Safe Sane and Consensual exploration. You do not submit or demand someone to submit, to "Whatever" Master desires. For if it is without agreement or consideration, it is no different than the spouse who batters a spouse or child. She did marry the bum.. but never bargained for THIS and really has no say. Having no say, no escape.. is being a victim not a participant.
Doesn't using a safeword indicate a ....failure?
Using Safewords NEVER indicate a submissives failure. Nor does it indicate a Dom has failed. Safewords are the guardrails on a mountain trail. They are the definition of a contract to play or explore. Boundaries. Not all events can be covered in an agreement to explore.
D/s explorations can be very dangerous even with the experienced. They can also be harmless but frightening. Intimidation is not the ultimate goal of D/s ( though some use elements of fear or the unknown in their sessions) A responsible submissive is not afraid to call a safeword, a responsible Dom will respect the words and rework or review the session
I know... I know. there are many relationships that refuse to use safewords or where "Master" is always right. I submit that there are unspoken pre-agreements however in those that are real life... and those on line. are either co dependent subs willing to do whatever needed for the attention, meeting with insecure Doms apt to test the sub relentlessly as a means to confirm "Dominance".
Personally as just one Dom, I have little to "prove". I am confidant in my ability to tune into a subs needs and responses to contact.. I am clear about what my investment is and what "pleases me" I must respect the person who agrees to give me their submission... long before they do this, or I do not get involved.
Perhaps that is the bottom line. Mutual Respect. Safe Sane Consensual D/s demands mutual respect from the start.
Last week a sub caught me online troubled about a "Dom" who kept hounding her for a collar. Submission is a granting.. a "giving" Some call it a "gift"... I think both roles are "gifts" personally.. but it isn't about Winning, convincing, cajoling or demanding a behavior.
Dominants, you do not "create" a sub. You may expose them to new areas, you may train them in the things that please you... but you may not force or convince them to do, That which they find distasteful or objectionable. This isn't Being a responsible Mistress / Master. it is being selfish. A submissive expects more from you than that when they permit you to take them body and soul.
submissives: Use your strength to determine what you want and express what you seek. Be selective in whom and how you will give yourself over. Be open to new explorations but also clear about those areas you are not willing to go.
When a strong submissive agrees to permit me to Dominate, there is no more powerful chemistry. the submission has so much more value then say.. someone who just will do whatever, just to keep your attention.
A submissive who is strong to start with, gives so much more over, then one who is open to anything and not really present to begin with.
With that said.. the old adage about kissing a lot of frogs before you find your prince Dom or princess sub ( gender apologies here) applies as well in D/s BDSM. In fact we are even pickier here since there are so many directions and fetishes that make us unique.
Consensual: Don't leave home without it.
Sane: Emotional well being. this is a tricky one. A woman with a history of abuse and in counseling for years wants to be your sub. She is Consensual and will serve faithfully. but one wonders if this is just echoing pain she seeks to heal from, or her escape into subspace in a familiar arena. What is Your investment as a Dom. As a channel Op? As a friend?
A "Dom" seems to work himself into a frenzy at times...demanding more then the sub wishes, crossing lines of contracted behavior then apologizing for his abusive language or deeds.
A Dom insists he is the only "Dom" you will ever be permitted to serve, asking you to leave home and family to signify your dedication to his total control. Two young children now will never be able to go to Disneyworld with both Mom and Dad because of a "Dom" who could not let go.
So many scenarios that can leave more then physical welts. Again the measure of mutual respect goes a long way here.
I have witnessed all of these situations. Are they indicative of healthy D/s explorations or relationships. No. The selfish needs or co dependent contracts people make under the heading of BDSM do NOT meet the test of SSC. Sadistic? Masochistic? perhaps. Responsible Mature behavior? `fraid not. It can be easy to ignore a lot and make up the rules as you go along.
Suppose for a minute; a very insecure man(woman) with a lot of anger at women ( men) wished to play out his/her disgust with the other gender. Where better to find willing partners then on a net in a chat rooms about BDSM. New willing young men and women who are without guidance but looking for someone to trust give themselves to totally.
There are no ends to the types of twists and turns each brings to the channels or chats. Co dependents groping for a partner to play out their "stuff". They are dubious connections that weave through every channel here on the net. It is in fact the scariest part of "cyber" D/s. And the most important reason for folks to understand and apply SAFE SANE CONSENSUAL.
You cannot be sure of every "couple" you meet or every "scene" you witness. But you can apply the tenants of Safe Sane Consensual to your own involvements.
Why are you interested? Is it an all consuming or counter productive behavior? Is it a casual curiosity? Is it just the name for something you have felt or been for years anyhow?
Look inside. Than look carefully around you here and in Real Life. We all explore for different reasons and outcomes. Make sure yours are Sane ones and don't let anyone do you in a manner you wouldn't want your offspring treated. Likewise don't "DO" someone in a manner less then respectful when it is all said and done.
Safe: Do you know your partner's medical and health background? How often do you check fingers and toes for circulation when a subject is suspended. What is the proper way to suspend. What color wax is hottest when waxing a sub? What TYPE of candle should be used with the most caution? What type should NEVER be used? How long can nipple clamps be safely worn? Have you provided for a Safe SIGNAL if your partner is gagged and bound? Do you you check your partner regularly as she or he enters subspace?
Hmm we are not all experts it seems. <grin> But Safety is A most important element in D/s play. I often tell a story that demonstrates the supreme level or responsibility that comes with the turf called D/s BDSM
Personally I rarely call it "play" Yes at times ( Particularly on line) it is a " role play" More often you will hear me refer to it as "exploration" Since the realm of subspace and each others investments and involvements are "explored"
A Dom{me} binds a sub to the table to drip hot wax... the drapes catch fire... and in no time the room is engulfed in flames... there is a fleeting second the Dom can make a break for the door... Or risk it all untying the sub.
A "real" Dom has a duty to the sub beyond his/her own needs and pleasures. that sub placed body and soul into the Dom's hands trusting implicitly in his/her ability to never for a second forget the subs welfare or well being.
In law it is called a fiduciary duty. To hold a higher interest in the one you are guardian for, then your own self. It is no less important when another human being is on the other end of your rope or crop or particular flavor of D/s.
Dom{me}s have a responsibility to train and learn from those who know. Not to experiment just because one is willing. Subs have a right to ask qualifications and experience and to be sure about skills and dedication to Safe Sane Consensual before contracting into any contact.
There are local societies across the world dedicated to Safe Sane Consensual D/s experiences. Places to ask and learn and watch and explore. Shamelessly plugging the Whipping Post web site http://members.aol.com/MrBadSir/bad/wppd.html as one excellent resource to find out more. the ChainLinks page has how-to and where-to links.
One more point
Alcohol and drugs.
In the real life parties and gatherings I have attended as well as the personal dungeon sessions I have managed... alcohol and drug use have no place.
It isn't hard to figure out why. IN the case of a good Dom... he/she needs to be clear of mind and very alert. taking someone to subspace is much deeper then say .. being a laMaze coach. every nuance of breathing.. and response needs to be carefully observed. every action carefully controlled.
In my own experience A sub can even forget their safeword and may need to be prompted even as I work him/her. I will have the sub beg for more as an assurance they are still "connected" while in subspace. Or I will ask the sub point blank... do you need your safeword?
Such deep connections demand an extremely observant Dom. Impaired judgment from drugs or alcohol.. even cold medications.. are just cause to rule out a D/s exploration.
Likewise the sub actually "Seeks" sensations. Use of numbing concoctions, drugs or alcohol... indicate there is a problem with this sub and the behavior about to be attempted. Better to wait for a more appropriate time.
Alcohol and drug use has NO place in Safe Sane Consensual exploration.
I have discussed Safe Sane and Consensual. The possible perils of neglecting any of these elements, the purpose and joy of using safewords and the ultimate responsibilities of both Tops and bottoms in their respective roles in these pursuits.
D/s BDSM is a place of strange and fascinating fetishes, people and practices. Often erotic or arousing... but not based as just a way to enhance sex. The power exchanges, trust and mental avenues explored can go much deeper then "kinky sex" would ever hope to.
But with the advent of computers and chats and instant cyber connections across the globe with every element society can offer.. Comes the inevitable abuses, misunderstandings, hurts and scars that can cause this lifestyle more damage then good.
We should be free to explore our bodies and minds. free to help each other explore new ways to relate. But to do so irresponsibly, or selfishly, is to bring down an entire Lifestyle under the guise of "BDSM Role play
I implore you to embrace the concepts of Safe Sane and Consensual. To require these elements with anyone you would select as a partner. Also to ask those your chat with, or party with r/l to respect your wishes in this regard.
Share these with folks you meet and newcomers you might bring into the D/s arena.
It's your body and mind. If you don't love and respect it first.. You get what you allow...



i should ask at this poiint for you to not move on to the next step in posting but re -read this it is the best Information in the entire world that i have read so far in my almost ten years of practice for some reason today it brought tears to my eyes and i know for a fact i have read the same over and over again thru the years...nothing that i offer you is not known in my heart and nothing do i just put out there to have something to post....everything is read re-read and at times my own thoughts interjected...You have to educate yourselfs no matter you are Domme or submissive or slave of what have you < no disrespect intended> in this lifestyle if you do not educate yourself at least the basics then be very affraid of getting hurt and worse !
my sincere love and respect
(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 11:27 AM
Hello Lady Flamezzz!

Wow!...after exams Im going to scurry back here and do some reading! I have read a few posts, which I have found very interesting. Thank you =)

*waves


waves back at zansi....hurry back,lol
i think i'm starting to get the hang of this!!!
:)(f):)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 12:24 PM
ok, One Hour away from here will do me good so be back soon

Eva femme
11-09-2008, 01:27 PM
Thank you Lady Flamezzz for starting this thread. The information is very interesting and enlightening. I am not a novice anymore but I am always happy to see information for those who are.

As I read through your definitions I would like to point out that 'do not assume' goes first and then all the definitions. Definitions may vary from place to place. From scene to scene. And from person to person. In my eyes there are as many styles as there are players. So one person might call himself a slave while he is not in a 24/7. Because he feels that is the correct definition for how he feels and what he does at that moment. Another person might call herself a submissive while she is in that same space.

Same goes for ettiquette. Those are also cultural and can vary from place to place, from scene to scene and from person to person. What is seen as polite in one place can be seen as rude or unclear in another. What is totally acceptable in one scene is a big no-no in another. I'd say read the partyrules, observe people and talk with them on an equal level. In my eyes, that is a way to find out most of what one wants to know.

Please continue the good work :)

Eva

astra
11-09-2008, 01:39 PM
Thank you Lady Flame for starting this thread. I have read all of it even though i just found it today and I feel that you have done justice to the material you have provided here. I like that you have typed it in layman's terms so to speak.

I have been wondering where to go from here unless it is beginning protocols for subs and/or Dom(me)s? I guess where I am headed is things such as common positions or maybe it could lead towards contracts, I dont know but i appreciate this thread.

astra

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 02:00 PM
Thank you Lady Flamezzz for starting this thread. The information is very interesting and enlightening. I am not a novice anymore but I am always happy to see information for those who are.

As I read through your definitions I would like to point out that 'do not assume' goes first and then all the definitions. Definitions may vary from place to place. From scene to scene. And from person to person. In my eyes there are as many styles as there are players. So one person might call himself a slave while he is not in a 24/7. Because he feels that is the correct definition for how he feels and what he does at that moment. Another person might call herself a submissive while she is in that same space.

Same goes for ettiquette. Those are also cultural and can vary from place to place, from scene to scene and from person to person. What is seen as polite in one place can be seen as rude or unclear in another. What is totally acceptable in one scene is a big no-no in another. I'd say read the partyrules, observe people and talk with them on an equal level. In my eyes, that is a way to find out most of what one wants to know.

Please continue the good work :)

Eva



I do re-read and re-read everything i post and you are right to everyone, one little detail of what may be true for one may not be true for another , thats why i always say after the basics SSC and trust respect and honor everything is subject to change with each union we all have our different highlights but still in the confines of the basics of BDSM...isn't it just that, the differences that make it so interesting...thank you Eva i am so glad everyone can see the benefits of such a thread
.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 02:03 PM
Thank you Lady Flame for starting this thread. I have read all of it even though i just found it today and I feel that you have done justice to the material you have provided here. I like that you have typed it in layman's terms so to speak.

I have been wondering where to go from here unless it is beginning protocols for subs and/or Dom(me)s? I guess where I am headed is things such as common positions or maybe it could lead towards contracts, I dont know but i appreciate this thread.

astra


your so welcome astra maybe the next bit of information can be some basic positions...i'll see what i can come up with. I'm pretty sure i have positions laying around somewhere,lol

i'll be back soon with a sample...

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 02:18 PM
i checked the post and i do believe in my very first post the first line was ....do not assume...whew

ZimmygLrL
11-09-2008, 02:23 PM
Good Afternoon Ms. Lady,

I want to thank you for providing me with this information. Considering I am new to the lifestyle, I am glad you are willing to help us out and support us.

Curtsying to you and have a blessed Sunday,

Zimmy


I thought it wise to begin a thread just for education purposes instead of taking up so much of the space in topics that may or may not be totally about BDSM. On a daily basis i will be putting forth material that will i hope help others that are fairly new or those that are not so new but could use a refresher course in the basics of BDSM....Any questions that you have maybe we can answer together with the help of the elders in our community that are long timers in the lifestyle. I am in hopes that this thread stay alive and most of all be helpful to all who may need a little more information than they have thus far been able to obtain.A special thanks to the person who suggested this....SO beginning tomorrow morning i will provide the first of many excerpts to help us learn together the in's and out's of BDSM.

All questions welcome as well as opinions.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 06:42 PM
Positions are the ways a dominant prefers their sub to stand, kneel etc. Not everyone uses formalized positions. But having at least a basic idea of what they are is, in my opinion, a good idea. The ones I list below are guidelines. As well, I have included the variances that I have heard of thus far. Only your dominant can set your positions if he/she desires them. As well, they may prefer positions that are not listed here. I present this list as general guidelines for your information only.
Attention Positions:
Standing: legs spread moderately, hands clasped at the small of the back, head up, eyes lowered variations: hands clasped behind neck, head bowed Kneeling: legs parted, ankles crossed, back straight, head up, eyes lowered, arms crossed
behind back variations: head bowed, eyes raised, hands behind neck, buttocks on heels, back
arched, eyes raised to the dominant Spanking Positions:
Over the knee (OTK) both hands and feet on floor variations: hands on back of neck, or small of back over the lap, inside leg held by dominant's legs, hands on floor

straddling dominant's lap: facing away from dominant, straddle his/her thighs, bent from waist, hands flat to floor, back arched to raise buttocks variations: hands grasping ankles standing: legs spread moderately, bent at waist, hands on legs below the knees variations: hands on knees, clasped behind neck, or partial squat Crawling positions:
Position 1: hands and knees, legs vertical and moderately spread, head bowed
Position 2: knees and elbows arms stretched forward, legs slightly spread, back arched raising
buttocks variations: hands grasping elbows (arms folded instead of straight)
arms crossed (elbows to floor, hands pinching own nipples) Position 3: knees leaning forward face to floor..hands grasping ankles variations: chin to floor, hands grasped behind neck, hands grasped at lower back Supine Positions:
Face Down: laying face down, hands behind neck, legs spread widely variations; hands at lower back, laying face up with knees bent, legs together
arms at sides, arms out to the sides, arms stretched over head Push up position: legs apart and arms extended buttocks raised
Kneeling positions:
Attention (as above) Arched: on knees, back arched greatly, hands grasping ankles


some of these took me a bit of practice but i prevailed,lol
and please Note your Domme may have other positions in mind!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-09-2008, 07:56 PM
One more time let me say this...regardless where when or how or who the basics are the same...Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) and trust honor and respect....variations are up to the players yet i don't call my union and my lifestyle a game. it is a way of life for some. Every waking moment i know and i treat My Domme as Hys position dictates with the utmost respect , Hy is considered in everything i do before my own interest i place hys desires, it is what i do....Hy is my priority as i know i am Hys. I pride myself in being Hys I am honored to have been chosen by Hym and i know my choice in accepting the position of Hys submissive/girl/wife/partner/ woman and what ever else i can be for hym was the right one for U/us.....everyone take your time nothing is built in a day ....this takes time...good night i'll be back tomorrow :hopefully:
(f)

DAYWALKER
11-09-2008, 08:02 PM
(f)
Mrs. Daywalker...it is time to kiss the night.
(S)

Won't you join Me?
:bevil:





:heart-in-tree:

:[

pajara2
11-09-2008, 08:37 PM
A lil humor.."ouch.'is not a safe word nor is 'that hurts'
:|
something you never want to hear your Domme say "uh oh"
:o

LMAO...yeah, "uh oh" tends to make one nervous in earnest.

Diamondbutch1
11-10-2008, 04:55 AM
Good morning Lady Flamezz,DW.
LOL.wow now look where a simple question has taken us...lol
Now since the topic of positions has been brought up,there is something thad should be address to the Dom/me's.
That is educate yourself, know what the sensation is like to be in the positions that you ask of the sub. Something may sound good but in reality may cause injury. It is the same with the instuments that we use. Know first hand what the sensation of that whip or paddle feels like ,or the electrical caress of a wand is before using them on another. It is the only true way to know of the sensations you will be delivering.There is one more thing practice,before taking any striking insturment to anothers body practice, it takes great care and controll to strike the safe zones of the body as to not cause injury or damage.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 07:16 AM
LMAO...yeah, "uh oh" tends to make one nervous in earnest.



don't it,lol
:s

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 07:35 AM
Good morning Lady Flamezz,DW.
LOL.wow now look where a simple question has taken us...lol
Now since the topic of positions has been brought up,there is something thad should be address to the Dom/me's.
That is educate yourself, know what the sensation is like to be in the positions that you ask of the sub. Something may sound good but in reality may cause injury. It is the same with the instuments that we use. Know first hand what the sensation of that whip or paddle feels like ,or the electrical caress of a wand is before using them on another. It is the only true way to know of the sensations you will be delivering.There is one more thing practice,before taking any striking insturment to anothers body practice, it takes great care and controll to strike the safe zones of the body as to not cause injury or damage.



good morning Db1

your so right, personally i prefer this"if you can't snap a fly out of the air with a flogger" please do not come near me with it,lol
this is also is true of a whip or a cat o nine etc etc...
practice makes almost perfect "yes"?

I know that so many New to the scene are anxious to feel that first sting that takes your breath away and insist on your mind delving into a space , It has never touched before. iT IS TRULY a beautiful head space.
the thing is even the simpliest of touches upon your flesh can lead you to the same space, this is not all about pain although it is implicated at times.
your mind can be trained to transcend without it, but many find that the effect of pain will help them transcend quicker .
do you recall in your youth "any of you" the sting of a wet towel on your skin when your friend decided to smack you with it,lol
well a whip is much like that, now see if you can recall the crescendo of that same pain, when it started melting away, while you where sitting there rubbing your leg praying for the burn to stop,lol

now put yourself in four point restraints mentally of course face down. the same pain as that wet towel being deleivered to your flesh, you cant rub the pain away!

your mind has to sooth that sensation for you!

in time your mind will learn to focus on that pain and with each lashing , it will go deeper into itself and soon a cloud will form around that pain.
ie subspace
there are many levels of subspace
many have traveled to the point of a primal
instinct taking over both your body and your mind.

i'm trying hard to stay basic , i want a new person to know what to expect.
the biggiest point i can make is this, trust the person that binds you once your restrained it's no longer up to you and if you do not know the person well that has bound you!
you could seriously
get hurt and worse!
ok let me find something interesting this morning.
refilling my coffee cup, i'll brb.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 07:38 AM
(f)

Mrs. Daywalker...it is time to kiss the night.
(S)


Won't you join Me?
:bevil:






:heart-in-tree:


:[




the words so few but the meaning sets my very soul on fire...of course i joined you...as i will everynight for the rest of my life.
(f)(l)(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 08:27 AM
A beginner's guide to flogging


Among the most popular BDSM toys, floggers make up a very special experience for those who decide to try something more extreme than sensory deprivation play or hot and cold play. Though, this doesn't automatically mean that flogging should become a dangerous and life-threatening activity. Those who are already familiar with BDSM principles know that safety is a basis for any BDSM game.
How to start the play to satisfy both parties in full?
What BDSM toys are used for flogging?


You will find different styles of BDSM toys meant for flogging, all of them are suitable for "punishment".
In general, a flogger we call a BDSM toy with a number of tails. Floggers can be made of different materials, from very soft – fur or hair, which give rather caressing and gentle sensations to rubber and leather ones for a more intense stimulation. Other types of BDSM toys used for flogging are cat-o-nine whips, riding crops, paddles, scourges and the like. They are not basically considered floggers but are used for the same purpose.
Where to flog?


You should know that you cannot just start the play, considering you can flog just any part of your partner's body. First thing every BDSM lover should know is that BDSM toy can be potentially harmful if you use it improperly, and even risky if you use it on improper body parts.
Body parts that


should be strictly avoided
These are joints, face, lower back (in a kidneys area), neck, head, fingers, toes. Striking those areas can be very dangerous to bottom's life and health.

are allowed for light flogging
These are arms, upper parts of the shoulders, legs, and the upper part of the buttocks. Here flogging should be performed with great care as these body parts have lesser protection by muscles and tissue.

can be flogged harder
These are buttocks, thighs, upper parts of the back. They basically have more fat and thus are more protected for flogging.
Keep to basic techniques:



Use Safe word
Again, safety comes first and even if you are completely sure of your skills, you should always take precautions against possible risk. As you are never sure of the sensations bottom is going to get, you should have a "way-out" to stop the play at the right moment.

Rehearse the flogging action
Of course, you should approach flogging quite skillfully as even minor mistakes can spoil the pleasure. That's why it is highly recommended to practice the technique beforehand. You may use any of household items, like pillows to imitate a body. It is important that you can learn to hold the flogging BDSM toy firmly and strike it at the particular area. Choose the part you are going to flog and concentrate on it. You should be able to strike the area accurately. Experiment with the speed and intensity and then try BDSM toy on yourself. You will have an opportunity to get to know how it feels.

Choose the right position
You should know that sensations can be quite different according to the position of the bottom's body. A lying position makes body muscles extend and thus the area you are going to hit become thinner. Standing position leaves a bottom unsupported and thus may result in falling down. The more appropriate position is when the Sub is bending over with his face down and a Dom is standing with his legs wide open. In this position the power is better applied.

Cover the area of greater risk
When you cannot be sure of the technique, it can be helpful to cover the area of potential risk. Many BDSM lovers wear leather outfit not only as a fetish wear but mainly and generally for protecting the most sensitive areas from the more severe hits. Most of BDSM wear is designed in a way to make your body more or less safe for flogging.

Use diverse stimulations
Flogging shouldn't be a kind of monotonous striking on a particular part of the body. The thrill goes from "carrot and stick" approach. It can be much enjoyable for bottom when heavier flogging varies with gentle strokes. You may begin with the slower strikes and gradually intensify the sensations, or simply stop for a moment and dwell your fingers through the bottoms back. Try to run the flogger on the genitals to arouse your Sub. All is up to you and to the bottom's desires.

Hold by bottoms needs
As long as the play is aimed at satisfying the needs of both parties, it is recommended to consider bottoms needs. If he wants a masochistic experience above all, then striking harder can be just ok. Some bottoms are sensory-oriented and like variety of strokes. Others seem to be more aroused by the scene itself. In this case they may content themselves with the light flogging. All in all the communication here should come first.

i have found a few instructional video's on youtube...just type in the search engine...bdsm techniques


Sir Daywalker < my Daddi is going to offer up a video , since my lap top doesn't support you tube,lol.>

Enjoy!

DAYWALKER
11-10-2008, 08:31 AM
As requested by Mrs. Daywalker:
(f)


AV8s5JaTpls





We found this young en' to be quite charming.
;)

:[

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 08:40 AM
As requested by Mrs. Daywalker:

(f)



AV8s5JaTpls






We found this young en' to be quite charming.
;)


:[



Thank you Daddi
(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 10:00 AM
i'll be back later to offer more !

TypicalDyke
11-10-2008, 02:46 PM
Greetings,

I just wanted to say this is a wonderful thread and thank you for putting the time and effort into it Lady Flamezzzz. I have been in the lifestyle for a while now and it is always nice to see someone who remembers there are newbi's out there that need help and guidance. I do have several sites with information on them if you need any of them feel free to contact Me. Again, a wonderful job with this thread

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 09:42 PM
Greetings,

I just wanted to say this is a wonderful thread and thank you for putting the time and effort into it Lady Flamezzzz. I have been in the lifestyle for a while now and it is always nice to see someone who remembers there are newbi's out there that need help and guidance. I do have several sites with information on them if you need any of them feel free to contact Me. Again, a wonderful job with this thread


so very kiind of you ...thank you!!!
i may need those links!
:)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 10:12 PM
i am so proud to say my pm box runeth over with kind thoughts regarding this thread and request,,,thank you all keep em coming and i'll do my best to answer or find the answer for you !

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 10:35 PM
i'm going to attempt the Dance in my words.

The first time i saw DAYWLKER the dance began the suttle little gestures of knowing hy wanted me and hym knowing without a doubt i wanted hym.
The slightest touch of hys hand made me tremble, a Domme watches closely for the body's reaction to hys touch every movement brings you closer to being Hys. The play of your eyes meeting and the feeling in your heart when your eyes do meet that you somehow know hys power over you.You should lower your eyes, cast them down as a sign of respect you know this in your heart .
Every action from you brings a reaction from hym as hy watches you "dance' around for hys pleasure... some dances can literally last for days until in the end a simple look from hys eyes that have now gone black and the stern yet loving look on hys face tells you to kneel before hym, offering yourself to hym the wonderful gift of your body and mind for hys pleasure and control. the deep breaths you take and then release from your body in preperation for what is to come hys consumption of your very soul ....

the dance is a delicate play between the two of you tender touches as hy guides your mind to submit to hys desire , your straining against hys control trying to make it last just a little bit longer , you trying to tantalize hym even more. even when you know in your heart you ache for hys control of you until you cannot stand the suspense any longer and your body concedes as hy delivers what you yearn for ....total control....one last breath and as you exhale , you release all to Hym..
you know your eyes are glazed over and a lil chill crawls down your spine...the time has come finally!!!

Have you ever and i'm sure you have walked into a club and caught the eye of a stranger that you knew before the end of the night , you would be in thier arms, what transpires from the moment you catch thier eye till the end...is much like the dance!!!

Now i will try to find a More controlled explanation, i cannot lie i get a lil nervous trying to explain it.
it's a sub thing,lol

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-10-2008, 10:50 PM
more in the morning , i have no choice but to sleep now until then, please be safe

late_knight
11-11-2008, 12:44 AM
I like to add one fiction site: easy to heavy reading.

I'm not much into visual sothis is a site with only words.
I find one can identify needs or wishes by using fiction to a certain point.

A directory of stories: Lesbian extensive story site (http://eu.nifty.org/nifty/lesbian/)

GemmeFemme
11-11-2008, 03:35 AM
The video was phenomenal. Thank you! (f)

Diamondbutch1
11-11-2008, 03:39 AM
Your discription of "The Dance" could not have been captured in word any better.
As you have said Lady Flamezz the dance is much more then the physical. It s an energy felt ,exchange between two.
Db1

Diamondbutch1
11-11-2008, 04:14 AM
Lady Flamezzz I shall attempt to do my best to discribe The Dance . How to discribe that which is felt more then truely seen is not an easy task, but here goes.
The dance primarily is,basically is emotional and physical energy,connection between two.
All that one does in furthering, building on that attraction I would consider as The Dance"
As you said it all begins with a look, that first physically felt attraction.
The flirtation,teasing and all the rest are but the steps of the dance.
We all dance to a different tune but we all do dance.
Db1

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 04:42 AM
The video was phenomenal. Thank you! (f)


Gemme thank you so much , I sat literally glued to it and W/we watched it thrice,lol

that dude had sum mad skills
Sir kept watching my reaction as i held Hys hand tightly.
(a)
I broke out into cold lil shivers all up and down my spine,

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 04:53 AM
Lady Flamezzz I shall attempt to do my best to discribe The Dance . How to discribe that which is felt more then truely seen is not an easy task, but here goes.
The dance primarily is,basically is emotional and physical energy,connection between two.
All that one does in furthering, building on that attraction I would consider as The Dance"
As you said it all begins with a look, that first physically felt attraction.
The flirtation,teasing and all the rest are but the steps of the dance.
We all dance to a different tune but we all do dance.
Db1


I liked the wording i couldn't think at three am,lol
energy and chemistry and also may i add true the physical attraction but even more < to me > the spiritual essence the soulful attraction...as a submissive my feelings for Hym are much deeper than mere sexual chemistry, many times sex isn't even a component of scenes Nor do i need or want it to be.
(f)
I reach for the moment in scene that O/our hearts are beating as ONE!

astra
11-11-2008, 05:10 AM
Good morning MZ Flamezzz.

The video was amazing, Nice clear instruction by this young man. You can tell he has been practicing a lot whether on a submissive or on the post but either way it was good basic instruction.

And, as one sub to another. Yes, the dance. The quickness of breath, the electricity that flows when the connection is made. The magnetic pull. It is truly amazing for both the Dom or Domme and the sub/slave. Great work.

astrra(l)

Tommi
11-11-2008, 05:10 AM
I liked the wording i couldn't think at three am,lol
energy and chemistry and also may i add true the physical attraction but even more < to me > the spiritual essence the soulful attraction...as a submissive my feelings for Hym are much deeper than mere sexual chemistry, many times sex isn't even a component of scenes Nor do i need or want it to be.
(f)
I reach for the moment in scene that O/our hearts are beating as ONE!

The ecstasy of that space where two go that is beyond what many can ever know. Would you be permitted to describe "The Moment" ....when you reach that edge.. in your words.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 06:23 AM
The ecstasy of that space where two go that is beyond what many can ever know. Would you be permitted to describe "The Moment" ....when you reach that edge.. in your words.



that's a good one Tommi "how on earth can i describe the moment"....a sip of coffee and a deep breath i'll try,lol

to me there are a few types of edges...one being that of being on the edge knowing that scene is evident , my emotions teeter between real space and sub space...at any given second the glance and obvious desire from Hym for me to take position the time is Now
or the real space of my desire for scene and the little ploys of temptation that are directed towards my Sir to take notice of my craving...these are to me edges!

the moment of possession is much different than that of the initial PE <power exchange> this could possibly be described as a moment or THE moment...that is when the one lash or verbal command come that enables me to smooth transition from being in my mental space to being in subspace the walls dissapear from the room and are replaced by a cool white mist the only thing i hear is Hys voice , no longer do i react to the pain i have control of it i can take the harshest sting to my flesh and transform it to another whisp of coolness that now surrounds my body mind and soul...the only reality i had just a mere moment ago is gone , i can sense another realm to which i find the greatest comfort a platue of serenity a peace that i can never find in the day by day realities of life ...my breaths are full and deep . i know my eyes are glazed over ... the most literal sense of being gone i can grasp while still living... this is this most dangerous of all places for me , coming back takes alot of time... this is when Hy owns me any action or reaction from me from this time on is entirely at Hys mercy.i have been known to days later still stumble with any form of speech that requires more than a yes or no answer,lol


a healing i embrace with all of me!!!

anyway that is all i have for now...i hope that tells of what you spoke of Tommi.

Diamondbutch1
11-11-2008, 08:26 AM
I liked the wording i couldn't think at three am,lol

energy and chemistry and also may i add true the physical attraction but even more < to me > the spiritual essence the soulful attraction...as a submissive my feelings for Hym are much deeper than mere sexual chemistry, many times sex isn't even a component of scenes Nor do i need or want it to be.
(f)

I reach for the moment in scene that O/our hearts are beating as ONE!

How very true you are Lady Flamezzz....The spiritual/ soulful connection is the most wonderious, mind, soul and body melding as one. For those just beginning to explore,test their new found interests may stem from the sexual . In the beginning it tends to be ( for some) the strongest energy . It is seldon that such a deep connection is made instantly or that some may be blesses with the experience of such a connection at all. This type of connection I believe comes with time but when such a connection is made no words shall ever do justice in discribing the sensation.

Tommi
11-11-2008, 09:34 AM
that's a good one Tommi "how on earth can i describe the moment"....a sip of coffee and a deep breath i'll try,lol

to me there are a few types of edges...one being that of being on the edge knowing that scene is evident , my emotions teeter between real space and sub space...at any given second the glance and obvious desire from Hym for me to take position the time is Now
or the real space of my desire for scene and the little ploys of temptation that are directed towards my Sir to take notice of my craving...these are to me edges!

the moment of possession is much different than that of the initial PE <power exchange> this could possibly be described as a moment or THE moment...that is when the one lash or verbal command come that enables me to smooth transition from being in my mental space to being in subspace the walls dissapear from the room and are replaced by a cool white mist the only thing i hear is Hys voice , no longer do i react to the pain i have control of it i can take the harshest sting to my flesh and transform it to another whisp of coolness that now surrounds my body mind and soul...the only reality i had just a mere moment ago is gone , i can sense another realm to which i find the greatest comfort a platue of serenity a peace that i can never find in the day by day realities of life ...my breaths are full and deep . i know my eyes are glazed over ... the most literal sense of being gone i can grasp while still living... this is this most dangerous of all places for me , coming back takes alot of time... this is when Hy owns me any action or reaction from me from this time on is entirely at Hys mercy.i have been known to days later still stumble with any form of speech that requires more than a yes or no answer,lol


a healing i embrace with all of me!!!

anyway that is all i have for now...i hope that tells of what you spoke of Tommi.


Thank you Mrs. Day.......and I know there are no words in the dictionary for that infinite image in time and space that can describe it plain and simple. It is envisioned and felt, and thanks for putting words out there for those that wonder about subspace. (y).

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 09:39 AM
due to the fact i'm not the one weilding equipment , please understand i needed help with this:





The Basics of Flogging


or
How to Flog Someone So They’ll Come Back for More

By Keith L. Kendrick (awaken@teleport.com)


To the novice flogging may look easy, and actually it’s not that difficult, but it does require concentration and physical exertion along with some practice. However, knowledge of some basic guidelines can greatly enhance the learning curve and enrich the experience for both the “top” and the “bottom”. And a beginner would do well to practice on a wall or pillow, focusing on the intended striking point.


Negotiate Before You Start

Before any flogging, the participants should negotiate what is desired and what isn’t, along with what “safe-word” or other indication the “bottom” is to use to slowdown or stop the flogging. Does the “bottom” like stinging or thud sensations? How open is he or she to new experiences? Has this person had much experience with flogging? Novices may think they can take lots of pain, and then be surprised at what a good flogging actually feels like.

In addition, pertinent medical or physical problems should be made known before beginning.


Flogging The Back

The Basics of Flogging


or
How to Flog Someone So They’ll Come Back for More

By Keith L. Kendrick (awaken@teleport.com)


To the novice flogging may look easy, and actually it’s not that difficult, but it does require concentration and physical exertion along with some practice. However, knowledge of some basic guidelines can greatly enhance the learning curve and enrich the experience for both the “top” and the “bottom”. And a beginner would do well to practice on a wall or pillow, focusing on the intended striking point.


Negotiate Before You Start

Before any flogging, the participants should negotiate what is desired and what isn’t, along with what “safe-word” or other indication the “bottom” is to use to slowdown or stop the flogging. Does the “bottom” like stinging or thud sensations? How open is he or she to new experiences? Has this person had much experience with flogging? Novices may think they can take lots of pain, and then be surprised at what a good flogging actually feels like.

In addition, pertinent medical or physical problems should be made known before beginning.


Flogging The Back

The basic area to flog is the upper back on each side of the spine. Try to stay off the spine to prevent injury to the vertebrae and related tissues, and the skinnier the person is the more important this is. Also avoid swinging the tails down the back onto the hips or upper butt, or else this may cause a different kind of pain that is undesirable. Rather than a full swinging motion (this isn’t golf) that carries the tails down the back, stop the flogger immediately after it hits or even pull it backwards in a snapping motion right before it hits. By varying this motion you can control how much of the tails connect with the back; more will cause greater thud while hitting with just the tips will be stingier.


Wrapping

Generally speaking, avoid unintentional ”wrapping,” which is when the tips of the tails wrap around a curved part of the body such as the shoulders, torso, butt or legs. In wrapping the tips accelerate tremendously and the resulting excessive force at the tips almost always causes an undesirable increase in pain. One difficulty in avoiding wrapping is that the tips can fly so fast that you may have trouble seeing them--a person sometimes has to estimate where the tails are hitting, especially in darker environments. In addition, when throwing a flogger people often have a tendency to lunge forward, which can cause wrapping if it’s not compensated for. On rare occasions a bottom may desire wrapping, but then this should be done by mutual agreement and with care to not overdo it.


Other Targets

Other targets: the butt is very inviting, yet because of its smaller size and roundness it requires greater accuracy to avoid excessive wrapping onto the hips or into the especially sensitive “inner” areas; also avoid hitting the tailbone. When flogged well, though, the butt can be very rewarding. The thighs can be flogged but should be done with extra attention to the power in wrapping. Female breasts should be flogged relatively lightly to avoid later medical problems, and this may be more important if they are flogged often; males can usually safely take more in this area. Generally other parts of the body, especially the kidney area, shouldn’t be flogged except maybe with very light, miniature floggers. Stay away from all joints of the legs and arms, and the head and neck should never be flogged.

Also be aware that there is a big difference in flogging someone in the standing position versus lying down.


Warm Up & Timing

Start with softer blows and work up gradually to harder ones--this way the bottom will be able to take more as well as get more out of the session. Similarly, if you have more than one flogger, use the lighter one before going to the heavier one. In addition, varying the pace and alternating heavier blows with softer ones (or using just the tips), can make the difference between a good flogging and a great one.

During a flogging the top also needs to be sensitive to the nuances of how the bottom is handling the experience and when to vary the strokes. And after the bottom has recuperated from the flogging, the top can learn valuable information by obtaining the bottom’s perspective on what it was like.


Thud vs Sting

The top should understand that softer/heavier tails will generally cause thud, while harder or narrower tails will cause more sting--rubber or braided leather tails are usually the most stingy. And these differences are best understood by experiencing them on one’s own skin. A flogger also needs to be thrown fast enough so the tails don’t fly apart and land inaccurately--because of this it’s very difficult to use a heavier flogger in place of a lighter one to achieve the blows that a lighter flogger would deliver. This is why people often have more than one flogger.


Health & Safety

Occasionally during a flogging a small amount of blood may appear on the skin as a result of a blemish being broken open. How blood and other body fluids on a flogger should be dealt with is controversial; disinfectants and leather conditioners can alter the leather and having different floggers for every bottom isn’t practical.

First of all, have band-aids available and apply one as soon as any break in the skin is noticed. If any blood or body secretions have gotten on the tails, they should be wiped with a dry cloth while wearing a glove (there shouldn’t be much!). Then before using the flogger on another person it should be hung to air-dry in a warm, dry place for two weeks--the drying action will kill the AIDS and hepatitis viruses. Some would suggest cleaning the tails with a cloth moistened with a fresh solution of bleach mixed 1 part to 10 parts water and then waiting 10 minutes before using the flogger on someone else. A few may suggest both the bleach solution and then drying for two weeks, but this may be more than is needed. On the other hand, we are talking about AIDS and hepatitis.

The best approach is to avoid getting blood and other body fluids on your floggers. However, the flogging action will tend to wipe blood away and make a tiny skin break difficult to see. Therefore checking a bottom’s skin after a flogging for signs that any blood may have gotten on the flogger would be wise. A few would even say that the same flogger should never be used on more than one person per day, but that is not actually a sufficient length of time to be safe from hepatitis. Others say that the risk of catching AIDS or hepatitis from floggers is very minimal, yet this would be almost impossible to verify with certainty.


The Last Word

Finally though, always remember: If someone is trusting you enough to let you flog them, you owe it to him or her to be sensitive and careful; and secondly, flogging is ultimately supposed to be gratifying to both parties.



The basic area to flog is the upper back on each side of the spine. Try to stay off the spine to prevent injury to the vertebrae and related tissues, and the skinnier the person is the more important this is. Also avoid swinging the tails down the back onto the hips or upper butt, or else this may cause a different kind of pain that is undesirable. Rather than a full swinging motion (this isn’t golf) that carries the tails down the back, stop the flogger immediately after it hits or even pull it backwards in a snapping motion right before it hits. By varying this motion you can control how much of the tails connect with the back; more will cause greater thud while hitting with just the tips will be stingier.


Wrapping

Generally speaking, avoid unintentional ”wrapping,” which is when the tips of the tails wrap around a curved part of the body such as the shoulders, torso, butt or legs. In wrapping the tips accelerate tremendously and the resulting excessive force at the tips almost always causes an undesirable increase in pain. One difficulty in avoiding wrapping is that the tips can fly so fast that you may have trouble seeing them--a person sometimes has to estimate where the tails are hitting, especially in darker environments. In addition, when throwing a flogger people often have a tendency to lunge forward, which can cause wrapping if it’s not compensated for. On rare occasions a bottom may desire wrapping, but then this should be done by mutual agreement and with care to not overdo it.


Other Targets

Other targets: the butt is very inviting, yet because of its smaller size and roundness it requires greater accuracy to avoid excessive wrapping onto the hips or into the especially sensitive “inner” areas; also avoid hitting the tailbone. When flogged well, though, the butt can be very rewarding. The thighs can be flogged but should be done with extra attention to the power in wrapping. Female breasts should be flogged relatively lightly to avoid later medical problems, and this may be more important if they are flogged often; males can usually safely take more in this area. Generally other parts of the body, especially the kidney area, shouldn’t be flogged except maybe with very light, miniature floggers. Stay away from all joints of the legs and arms, and the head and neck should never be flogged.

Also be aware that there is a big difference in flogging someone in the standing position versus lying down.


Warm Up & Timing

Start with softer blows and work up gradually to harder ones--this way the bottom will be able to take more as well as get more out of the session. Similarly, if you have more than one flogger, use the lighter one before going to the heavier one. In addition, varying the pace and alternating heavier blows with softer ones (or using just the tips), can make the difference between a good flogging and a great one.

During a flogging the top also needs to be sensitive to the nuances of how the bottom is handling the experience and when to vary the strokes. And after the bottom has recuperated from the flogging, the top can learn valuable information by obtaining the bottom’s perspective on what it was like.


Thud vs Sting

The top should understand that softer/heavier tails will generally cause thud, while harder or narrower tails will cause more sting--rubber or braided leather tails are usually the most stingy. And these differences are best understood by experiencing them on one’s own skin. A flogger also needs to be thrown fast enough so the tails don’t fly apart and land inaccurately--because of this it’s very difficult to use a heavier flogger in place of a lighter one to achieve the blows that a lighter flogger would deliver. This is why people often have more than one flogger.


Health & Safety

Occasionally during a flogging a small amount of blood may appear on the skin as a result of a blemish being broken open. How blood and other body fluids on a flogger should be dealt with is controversial; disinfectants and leather conditioners can alter the leather and having different floggers for every bottom isn’t practical.

First of all, have band-aids available and apply one as soon as any break in the skin is noticed. If any blood or body secretions have gotten on the tails, they should be wiped with a dry cloth while wearing a glove (there shouldn’t be much!). Then before using the flogger on another person it should be hung to air-dry in a warm, dry place for two weeks--the drying action will kill the AIDS and hepatitis viruses. Some would suggest cleaning the tails with a cloth moistened with a fresh solution of bleach mixed 1 part to 10 parts water and then waiting 10 minutes before using the flogger on someone else. A few may suggest both the bleach solution and then drying for two weeks, but this may be more than is needed. On the other hand, we are talking about AIDS and hepatitis.

The best approach is to avoid getting blood and other body fluids on your floggers. However, the flogging action will tend to wipe blood away and make a tiny skin break difficult to see. Therefore checking a bottom’s skin after a flogging for signs that any blood may have gotten on the flogger would be wise. A few would even say that the same flogger should never be used on more than one person per day, but that is not actually a sufficient length of time to be safe from hepatitis. Others say that the risk of catching AIDS or hepatitis from floggers is very minimal, yet this would be almost impossible to verify with certainty.


The Last Word

Finally though, always remember: If someone is trusting you enough to let you flog them, you owe it to him or her to be sensitive and careful; and secondly, flogging is ultimately supposed to be gratifying to both parties.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 09:49 AM
Flogging 101: An Introduction


Flogging (javascript:lex() is one of the more popular BDSM (javascript:lex() "sports." Whether for the associations with spankings and punishments, the traditional connection with S/M (javascript:lex(), the feeling of disgrace and submission (javascript:lex(), a demonstration of devotion, endorphin (javascript:lex() ecstasy, or any of a hundred other reasons, almost everyone involved with BDSM has either watched or participated in a flogging.
A flogging scene can be truly impressive. The flying tails, in the hands of a skilled practitioner, describe a smooth arc and land exactly where intended. The recipient's reactions -- whether a mellow sigh or a surprised yelp -- add to the atmosphere and feed the top's energy. A really well done flogging can be almost hypnotic to watch.
The most beautiful flogging I've seen in recent years was at BR10. A top (javascript:lex() of remarkable skill was wielding a pair of matched floggers (javascript:lex() in an interleaved "figure eight" pattern that was simply beautiful. I am told that his style derived from Nito, a style of Kendo (Japanese sword fighting) which uses twin swords. Because he was landing four blows with each circuit, his precise strokes beat out a fast tempo that was at odds with the slow, graceful movements of the floggers. The result must have felt something like a massage, and there was no doubt that the recipient was enjoying herself.
At the other end of the spectrum are people like Yours Domly: still struggling to control their flogger's tails, which sometimes seem to have a mind of their own. Forget reaching a Zen-like state of oneness with the whip; it's all I can do to make it through a session without wrapping (javascript:lex() at least once! But I continue to attend every flogging workshop I'm able, and my confidence and skill are slowly growing. I'll get there. [Update from 2001: I'm pretty good at it these days.]


Anatomy of a Flogger
Most folks never bother to learn the names of all the "pieces parts" of a flogger. I'm one of 'em; as long as I know which end to hold and which end to whack with, I figure my time is better spent practicing technique than learning trivia. But here's a quick run-down for those with a scholarly bent.
http://no.place.like.home.mindspring.com/abbot/images/flogger.gif
The part you hold is called the "handle." (Duh!) The majority of handles have a large knob at each end; on the highest quality floggers, these are intricate woven knots called a "Turk's Head." Regardless of the construction, the front knob is placed at the "neck," where the handle meets the tails. The back knob is at the "butt," or rear of the flogger; this knob is sometimes called the "button." Some floggers have a wrist strap attached at the rear; the best also include a tiny loop for hanging the flogger from a belt or hook.


Just Handle It
Whipmakers express much of their creativity in the handle. Our personal flogger collection, part of which is pictured here, hints at the wide variety of treatments possible.
The purple suede "double" flogger has twice as many tails as normal,
http://no.place.like.home.mindspring.com/abbot/images/handles.jpg
and is finished with a beautiful diamond pattern and traditional Turk's Head knobs.
Next over is a horsehair flogger in black, silver, and blue; it has a simpler, elongated Turk's head at the neck and practically none at the butt.
The black cowhide flogger in the center was given to me by a former submissive (javascript:lex() trainee. It was created by a local craftsman and is fashioned with unique thong-based cylinders that have a diagonal ridge woven into them. A Turk's Head crowns the butt.
The red and black suede flogger was created for Renee by Jason of Adventure Bound; Jason was a member of Escape, our former BDSM support group. He used preformed cylinders which are covered with suede, and a wide spiral wrap on the handle.
Rightmost is a combination suede and chain flogger which is finished with a cylindrical Turk's Head at the neck and no knob at all at the butt.


Sting Versus Thud
The "business end" of a flogger is, of course, the "tails." Also called thongs, tresses, or the fall, flogger tails are made of different materials in different styles and with different "tips" or "points."
While handle designs are mostly a matter of personal taste and the whipmaker's "signature" (especially in the knobs), the tails make a very real difference in the sensations delivered by the flogger.
Floggers fall somewhere on the spectrum between "thuddy" and "stingy." As you might expect, a thuddy flogger delivers a deep, pounding sensation. Used moderately, it can feel something like a massage.
Stingy floggers deliver a sharper, more "surface" sensation, something like a light slap. Many people report two waves of sensation, one when the flogger hits, followed by another a second or two later.
Which flogger you use will depend on the effect you're after, as well as the preferences of your submissive. For example, as a recipient, Renee finds "sting" very distracting; she prefers a thuddy flogger.
Practically every aspect of the tails contributes to how stingy or thuddy a flogger will feel.


Width: The wider the tails, the thuddier the sensation; thinner tails mean more sting.

Number: Fewer tails equals more sting; more tails, more thud. The typical flogger has about 15 to 25 tails.

Points: Rounded and square-cut tips are the most gentle; pointed tips are stingy and forked points, doubly so.

Length: The longer the tails, the heavier they are and the faster the tips will be traveling when they hit their target. Heavier generally translates to thuddier, while faster can mean stingy. The exact effect will depend on the other factors controlling sting versus thud. About 16 to 24 inches is an average length for flogger tails.


To Tell the Tail
Beyond weight, width, length, and point cut, the tail's material matters most. There are a wide variety of leathers and other materials available, and each provides a different sensation. I've ranked them here in roughly increasing order of severity. (Note: This is only a general guideline, based on what you'll generally find under these names. The fact is, the weight of leather and how it is tanned has a tremendous bearing on the "feel" of the leather. Whenever possible, touch for yourself rather than relying on descriptions... mine or anyone else's.)


Chamois: The same thing you use to dry your car, chamois is buttery soft and very light. It's rare to find a flogger made out of this stuff, and with good reason: chamois will provide almost no sensation at all! You'll get some noise, a very light skin-level sensation, and not much else.

Plonge: A thin, lightweight, buttery soft cow hide, plonge has a shiny finish and a lush suede side. It is extremely gentle, although it can produce significant sting if used with force. Very few whipmakers work in plonge.

Deerskin: A light and velvety hide, deerkskin is great for caressing the body, and makes an excellent "warm-up" whip. Lots of noise, but very little impact. I watched Sarah Lashes (http://www.sirius.com/~topgrrl/sarah.htm), a talented whipmaker, repeatedly strike a volunteer at BR10 with a deerskin flogger using all her might. There was a loud thwack each time, yet the recipient never flinched.

Light Cowhide: Slightly stiffer and heavier than deerskin, light cowhide is used by some whipmakers as an "in between" material. It generally has a light thuddy feel.

Elk: Heavier than deerskin, Elk is still fairly soft and compressible. It delivers almost pure thud, but gently so: you can put a lot of force behind a blow without risk of hurting someone.

Full Suede: A bit harder and stiffer than Elk. Mostly thuddy, but can sting a bit if the tips are flicked quickly. Most of our floggers are suede, and we find this to be a versatile and useful material for most players.

Top-Grain Cowhide: These leathers are smooth on one side, creating less friction with the air and more sting on impact. Whipmakers seem to generally steer clear of these, perhaps because of the "mismatched" look of the tails.

Moose: A dense and supple leather with a nice surface texture. Mostly thuddy, with some sting. Very few whipmakers work in moose.

Buffalo or Bison: A thick, dense, yet soft leather with a very distinctive and defined grain. Very thuddy, but can sting if used correctly. Not many whipmakers work in this material.

Bullhide: Heavier and less stretchy than buffalo, bullhide produces a lot of thud and some sting.

Latigo: A very dense and tough cowhide, heavily tanned. Rarely used in floggers, latigo produces intense sting with very little effort.


Leather or Not...
Leather isn't the only material available for whipmaking. Some very interesting floggers have been made from nontraditional materials.


Rope: Unwind or unweave a rope, add a handle, and you have an interesting and versatile flogger. Widely frayed ends result in a very gentle toy; knotted ends can be more severe. Only a few whipmakers work with rope.

Horsehair: Like a hair shirt, a horsehair flogger delivers the sensation of being scratched. This is one of the few floggers that grows less powerful as you make the fall thicker; more hair slows down the swing and reduces the impact. Our horsehair flogger has some thud and very little sting, and doesn't feel "scratchy" unless we strike with the very tips. Another, lighter horsehair flogger I tried had a lot of sting and felt quite scratchy.

Rubber: Most people will caution you that rubber whips are very severe. But take it from a rubber connoisseur: it depends on the type and cut of rubber. I have a small whip I call my "stinger" that usually hangs from my belt; it's made of a few tails of firm round rubber and it bites hard. Being something of a lazy sadist, I'm quite fond of the reactions I can get with this one just by gently flipping my wrist over. But I've also owned a "sauna whip" made of two dozen flat latex strips; with it, I could strike with as much force as I could muster and create little more than a mild sting. As far as I'm concerned, the cardinal rule for rubber floggers is, "When in doubt, try it out."

Chain: Fine metal chain, or the ball chain used to turn on ceiling fans, is sometimes used to make floggers. Very intense, these should be used with great caution. Since they're made of metal and hold temperature well, they're more popular for dragging over the skin after being stored in a freezer than for actual floggings. Renee owns a variation that has links of chain embedded in leather tails. More fearsome than it looks, the leather slows down the impact and results in a mild stingy/thuddy feel. Chain floggers are fairly rare.


Floggers Versus Cats
Depending on who you ask, all floggers are cats, all cats are floggers, or they're two distinctly different beasts. I tend to think of floggers as having flat tails and cats as anything with braided or round tails. In particular, nine braided tails with knotted or weighted ends is most definitely a cat.
Cats tend to be quite severe, and go past sting into more of a "cutting" sensation. And with good reason: it's quite possible to slice the skin and draw blood with a knotted or weighted cat. When carefully applied they can be a part of a very intense scene, but if you're going to use one, treat it with respect.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 10:01 AM
Bondage Coll (http://www.extremerestraints.com/collars_12/)ars (http://www.extremerestraints.com/collars_12/) link for collars enjoy !!


Sex Toys, Bondage Restraints, Dildos, Penis Pumps, Vibrators, Butt Plugs, Strap On, Adult Toys: Extreme Restraints (http://www.extremerestraints.com/advanced_search_result.php?search_in_description=1&s=1&keywords=flogger) primarily floggers!

Diamondbutch1
11-11-2008, 10:03 AM
Wonderful information again Lady Flamezzz.......lol.I can hear the printers in over drive now.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 10:11 AM
Submissive's Creed

by Author Unknown


I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. I realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Top and I from from having the best experience possible, but can also lead to physical and emotional harm.


I will not try to manipulate my Top. I will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should. In other words, I will not top from the bottom.


I will keep an open mind about trying things that I am not comfortable with and expanding my limits. I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.


I will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Top, and will do my best to fufill his wishes and desires.


I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused. I know that submissive does not equal doormat.


I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow submissives. I will share my knowledge and experience with others in the hope that they will learn and benefit from where I have been. I will take the time to help those new to the scene start out on the correct path.


I will be responsive to my Top. I will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that I may assist him in his responsibilities as my authority. I know that Dominants are not telepaths, and will not expect my Top to know thoughts or feelings which I do not share.


I will accept in the responsibility of a scene or relationship gone bad. I will not place total blame on my Top when it is not warranted simply because he is the Dominant. I realize that things may not work out as they should at times, and will do my best to put it behind me and move on.


I will give my gift of submission only to those that can responsibly accept and desire to receive. I will not place anyone in the position of Topping me non-consensually, nor will I give my respect to someone that has not earned it.


I know that D/s is not a contest, and will never think myself a "better" submissive because I choose to submit on a different level than another. I will not be boastful of the experiences I have had as a bottom.


I will be obedient to my Top even if I disagree with what he is requesting. I realize he has my best interests at heart and often knows better than I what I need in a particular situation.


I know that my actions reflect upon my Top, and will do my best to help others see him in a positive way. I will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Dominant.


Above all, I will wear my title of submissive with honor. I will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or sub-human. I will take pride in who and what I am and will never show myself in a negative way.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 10:13 AM
[quote=Diamondbutch1;2992001]Wonderful information again Lady Flamezzz.......lol.I can hear the printers in over drive now.

quote]


thank you for offering your support Db1...it helps keep me motivated !!
:)

StarryNightaw
11-11-2008, 10:17 AM
Thank you LF for this thread,i know i had some questions that are answered now. Im looking for my master,more of a companion type and you defenitly helped me put some things into words.


Much Love

__StarryNightAW

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 10:27 AM
Thank you LF for this thread,i know i had some questions that are answered now. Im looking for my master,more of a companion type and you defenitly helped me put some things into words.


Much Love

__StarryNightAW



Your very welcome and anything W/we can continue helping you with maybe more questions and some more safety tips?

do not hesitate to come back for review :}

Thank you
StarryNightAW your kindness i don't deserve but i am proud you came here for answers

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 10:36 AM
Thank you Mrs. Day.......and I know there are no words in the dictionary for that infinite image in time and space that can describe it plain and simple. It is envisioned and felt, and thanks for putting words out there for those that wonder about subspace. (y).


i feel as if i left so much out but for no sleep since yesterday around 8 am and i worked 3/almost midnight , i did ,ok,lol

thank you Tommi :}

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-11-2008, 03:39 PM
well shoot, i need more input y'all..........

PaintedMustang
11-11-2008, 05:45 PM
i cant think of anything to post but kudos and keep doing what you are doing!! me and my girl are just now reaching the stage in our relationship where we can comfortably discuss tentative BDSM activities....and this thread is very helpful! so please keep it up!

TypicalDyke
11-11-2008, 11:29 PM
Just has to say wow at your description of the Dance and of sub space. you worded both wonderfully. I think it needs to be stressed that a submissive does hold the right to say no to something they are not comfortable with. I say this cause My girl and I are just starting out and she is afraid of Me getting upset or angry. she has had a couple of unhealthy relationships. A submissive has the right to say no. No matter what, if you are not comfortable with something then speak up. A Dominant is not a mind reader and I know for Me, I thrive on pushing limits, but will respect the hard one's in a heart beat. Just a thought. Keep up the great work Lady Flamezzz

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-12-2008, 04:31 AM
Painted andTypical...thank you both so much for the "kudos"....means alot to me to know i'm offering the material that is needed and appreciated.....the best to both of you and the new beginnings.
(f)

DivaTX45
11-12-2008, 04:36 AM
Submissive's Creed

by Author Unknown


I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. I realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Top and I from from having the best experience possible, but can also lead to physical and emotional harm.


I will not try to manipulate my Top. I will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should. In other words, I will not top from the bottom.


I will keep an open mind about trying things that I am not comfortable with and expanding my limits. I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.


I will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Top, and will do my best to fufill his wishes and desires.


I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused. I know that submissive does not equal doormat.


I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow submissives. I will share my knowledge and experience with others in the hope that they will learn and benefit from where I have been. I will take the time to help those new to the scene start out on the correct path.


I will be responsive to my Top. I will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that I may assist him in his responsibilities as my authority. I know that Dominants are not telepaths, and will not expect my Top to know thoughts or feelings which I do not share.


I will accept in the responsibility of a scene or relationship gone bad. I will not place total blame on my Top when it is not warranted simply because he is the Dominant. I realize that things may not work out as they should at times, and will do my best to put it behind me and move on.


I will give my gift of submission only to those that can responsibly accept and desire to receive. I will not place anyone in the position of Topping me non-consensually, nor will I give my respect to someone that has not earned it.


I know that D/s is not a contest, and will never think myself a "better" submissive because I choose to submit on a different level than another. I will not be boastful of the experiences I have had as a bottom.


I will be obedient to my Top even if I disagree with what he is requesting. I realize he has my best interests at heart and often knows better than I what I need in a particular situation.


I know that my actions reflect upon my Top, and will do my best to help others see him in a positive way. I will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Dominant.


Above all, I will wear my title of submissive with honor. I will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or sub-human. I will take pride in who and what I am and will never show myself in a negative way.





This is such valuable information!!!!!! Thank You, LadyFlamezzz......(f)


~Diva (8)

Diamondbutch1
11-12-2008, 04:43 AM
well shoot, i need more input y'all..........

LADY FLAMEZZZ thank you again for your invitation to participate, as one who does not live this life style 24/7,but incorperates elements of it with in my lifestyle. What I have to offer comes only from personal experience. It is this experience that speaks to those about to explore new ventures,and that would be a little at a time . Dont over do it ,it is better to start off slow then to over do it and ruin the experience.
Db1

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-12-2008, 04:45 AM
Characteristics of a Successful Dominant
Author: Raven Shadowborne
I have spent alot of time discussing with others in the lifestyle what makes a good dominant. What marks a true dominant from a player or wannabe. I have read every bit of material I could get my hands on. Through these discussions and research I have been able to compile the following list of traits. I list the ones that were repeatedly told to me, many of them appeared in just about every conversation I have been involved in and most of the pieces of writing I have read. My heartfelt thanks to the wonderful insight of MistressIce, EZRiser, and Magistar in particular. Their words, insight, and honesty helped me to create this list as concisely as I could.
Acceptance:
Acceptance of self, what is within yourself, what your wants needs and desires are.. Acceptance of your limitations and those of your submissive. The ability to accept another human being for the person they are, including their shortcomings and especially to accept your own. Accepting what being a dominant is to the individual and not being ashamed or intimidated by the needs within, but happy in ones mind set.

Communication:
This is the ability to talk and discuss things. It is an integral part of any relationship, but an absolute neccisty within a D/s one. A dominant should have the skills to communicate thier needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits or whatever else comes along. The ability to talk also calls into play the honesty and truthfulness of the dominant. Once communication is open it should remain that way, and will do so provided the dominant does not stop communicating honestly. To not communicate is to endanger yourself physically (by not telling the submissive your experience and other necessities) and emotionally.
Compassion:
The ability to see and at least attempt to understand the emotional aspects of your submissive's psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of things within reality that can affect a submissive physically, emotionally and mentally. To be able to apply that understanding to the many situations that arise within daily life that may prevent your submissive from serving to the best of their abilities. Using compassion wisely to allow you to aide your submissive, support him/her during times of stress shows that you are truly a well rounded dominant. One who realizes that a dominant and a submissive are people too. Without compassion you are not a dominant only a sadist.
Courtesy:
This one is fairly self explanatory but many people have asked me for specifics on courtesy. It is the ability to show proper manners, pleases and thank yous. To address someone with a respectful tone of voice. A dominant should show courtesy to his/her submissive and other submissives around them. Just because you are a dominant does not give you the right to be rude or cruel. This includes courtesy to your peers.

Grace:
Elegance in the manner a dominant presents themselves is an important and desirable personality trait that many submissives say they prefer. The way a dominant carries themselves, their style of play, no matter how graphic should still flow with style and grace. Their actions should not be overly hesitant, stilted or confused. If this is lacking as an inherent ability, the dominant should be willing to learn and grow in this area.
Dominance:
This is the most important trait in a dominant. It is the inherent natural ability to lead. To exert control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner. The strength of character which allows you to exert the control necessary in a power exchange relationship. The ability to care for another person's entire well being.
Honesty:
Personally I feel this shouldn't need to be said, but there are far too many people who lack honesty so it has to be said. Honesty is the ability to speak up, be open and truthful about what you say. Don't hide your emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and thoughts. Don't tell the submissive what you think he/she wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust, without it there is no trust. And without the trust, there is no true relationship. A successful dominant is an honest one, one who does not lie or attempt to deceive. One who is truthful when he/she speaks. Most important is to be honest about your level of experience, to lie is to endanger the very life of a submissive.
Humility:
This is basically the ability to see yourself as fallible. To see yourself as a person, not just a dominant. To see that sometimes in reality your needs must be set aside for the better of the relationship. (possibly to settle a disagreement, set limits or things of that nature) A successful dominant knows they will make mistakes, that they are no perfect. Sure they have pride in their abilities but they also know that everyone grows constantly and they are secure enough within themselves not to need to be the center of attention at all times. This allows the dominant to be open to learning new things and not have a know it all attitude. This brings into play bullying. Bullying is using your status as a dominant to push around submissives without any thought for their well being at all. Bullying is a completely selfish action. A dominant who consistently bullies will turn submissives away from them and lose the respect of their peers. It shows a lack of humility and can also mask a poor sense of self esteem or a possible abusive person using the lifestyle to hide their abusive nature.
Intelligence:
By intelligence I don't mean book smart, the ability to do long involved mathematical equations or pull apart and rebuild a computer. As it applies to a successful dominant intelligence is the ability to learn the proper way of playing with the toys inherent in the lifestyle before using them on a person. The willingness and ability to research and learn about the lifestyle itself. The ability to make informed decisions about what their needs are and how to attain them and just how far their domination goes. The ability to take the time to learn their partner outside the roles of dominant and submissive, to learn him/her as the person they are, their likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases their submissive and remember those things. The dominant should not only take the time and intelligence to know the physical tools, but also the psychological tools of dominance. Along with some basic psychological aspects of their submissive. (Knowledge should grow as people change constantly) There is nothing uglier than seeing an ignorant dominant trying to use humiliation as a tool of dominance. Humiliation is a difficult tool that requires maturity, intelligence, and skill
Loyalty:
This is a very important trait in a dominant. It is the ability to uphold your personal honor and remain true to the agreement between you and your submissive should the agreement be one of monogamy or whatever. Fickleness is very unattractive in a dominant and dangerous to the emotional well being of the submissives who serve you.
Patience:
A good dominant has patience. The ability to wait for things. Being pushy is aggravating and not being dominant. This does not mean you have to be lax or soft, but to learn the proper time to push and the proper time not to. It is also the ability to wait for those things which take time to develop and to learn, especially within yourself. To realize that it takes time for a submissive to learn all the intricacies of serving you and have the patience to teach the submissive what you prefer.
Pride:
This is the ability to know your capacities and realize you are not only a good person but a good dominant. The ability to recognize your own strengths. This does not mean you should be closed minded to new ideas. Nor does it mean you should be unaware of your faults or keep an inflated ego. Pride in your dominance is a beautiful thing, arrogance or false pride are deadly. False pride usually masks insecurities which can be life threatening to the submissive.
Respect:
A successful dominant will show respect at all times, until such time as the submissive proves he/she is unworthy of such respect. A disrespectful dominant does not earn the respect of his/her peers or the submissives around them. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself.
Responsibility
A good dominant should have a sense of responsibility and be aware that they are the ones who are in control of a scene. They should take this responsibility seriously and act in such a manner that will keep themselves and their submissive as safe as possible. A good dominant should take responsibility for his/her own actions, even so far as admitting a mistake when one is made and not push the blame onto someone else. A good dominant should use this sense of responsibility to learn before acting.
Self Control
A good dominant must be in control of themselves first before they can even hope to control another safely. A good dominant is not one who is prone to fits of out of control behavior, raging fits and other actions which show a lack of self control. A dominant should be able to keep his physical needs in check in order to maintain a scene safely for the submissive. A good dom should also have the self control needed to stick to his/her guns when they are faced with a begging sub for something new that they know is dangerous and that they know they have no experience in.
Self Respect:
A good dominant values themselves, and respects their own limits. A bully does not thrill a submissive. A solid sense of self worth is a necessity for a dominant or they can cause serious damage to the submissive's psyche. This does not mean act like you are the universe's gift to domination.
Service:
This is applicable to dominants but not in the same way as a submissive. A dominant serves their submissive by and through their dominance. By intelligently applying their dominant nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of the submissive, the dominant mutually serves the submissive. A successful dominant remembers that without a submissive, there is no such thing as a dominant. And that to receive the submission of a person is a gift. The dominant will therefor cherish that gift, and do their best to uphold it and not abuse it. This is the key to an exchange of power relationship.

Those are the traits which I have repeatedly heard make a successful dominant. Many of them overlap and refer to other traits within them. And most of them are applicable to every relationship not just those within D/s. These are the traits I have heard many submissives speak of as what they are looking for in a dominant. Not everyone will have all of those traits bred into them, and some of them can be learned. But those traits do reflect what is within a true dominant. This list is meant as an informational aide only and not as a hard core end all and be all ruling of what makes a dominant.

Diamondbutch1
11-12-2008, 04:53 AM
Yep I'd say that about covers it.....Good morning LADY FLAMEZZZ .

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-12-2008, 05:11 AM
Yep I'd say that about covers it.....Good morning LADY FLAMEZZZ .



well Good Morning Db1, where's coffee,lol
(f)(c)(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-13-2008, 02:14 PM
The Hanky CodeColour/MaterialMeans blackheavy s&mleatherleather
fetishgray bondage
charcoal latex
navy/dark blue intimate sex
includedmedium blue into "police" games
robin egg blue69 or "french" (oral sex both)
light blue oral sex by bottom only
teal blue genital torture
kelly green into "hooker" game
khaki/olive into "military" games
hunter green daddy
lime green sex with food
lemon enema
cream licking
pale yellow spitting
doily/yellow watersports (urine games)
beige rimming (licking anus)
gold into threesomes
mustard big penis (has or wants one)
apricot wants overweight partner
coral foot worship
orange anything, anytime
rust into "cowboy" games or pony girl
fuchsia spanking
red anal fisting
light pink dildo
dark pink breast/nipple torture
burgundy razors/knifing/scarification
red polka dots menstruating
mauve navel fetish
magenta armpit fetish
purple piercing
lavender drag
brown scat (feces games)
brown lace not circumcised
brown satin circumcised
grey flannel"square" (suits, dresses, black tie)
white whipping, flogging
red/white stripes shaving
black/white stripes likes partner of black race
brown/white stripes likes partner of latino race
yellow/white stripes likes partner of oriental race
white lace likes partner of white race
paisley into boxer shorts
fur animals included
silver lameromantic
gold lamelike body builder types
leopard tattoos
tan smoking (cigars) a must
kleenex into smelly games
handy wipe into oil and grease
chamo is motorcycles
cocktail napkin bar type

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-14-2008, 12:20 AM
suggestions are needed
(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-14-2008, 04:40 AM
http://vanilla-not.com/titles/basics.gif
Negotiations


Vanilla sex at large would only be improved if its practitioners were to discuss things in as much detail as practitioners of BDSM do. // This negotiation and discussion process is considered absolutely essential in BDSM sex. Because practitioners recognize that they are doing important things that will matter a great deal to people, psychologically speaking, they recognize how important it is to lay all cards out on the table. - Janis Cortese (http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/sexuality/bdsm.html)
From purchasing a car to reaching agreement with a child or parent about a course of action, we all have experience with negotiation. Some of us enjoy the prospect of getting everything arranged and agreed upon. Others find the process intimidating or believe it is unreliable. Others still are not wired to handle conflict well and see any bit of discussion or "haggling" as a major turn off and something to be avoided at all costs.
Negotiation in the D/s or BDSM environment is one of the most basic building blocks of a power exchange. It is agreeing when and where to meet, what limits might be imposed or explored. Physical and health considerations, emotional landmines, the use or absence of safe signals, how and when the scene begins and ends; can and should all be part of the process.
It is amazing to me how many people both online and in my real life experience, do not know how to negotiate or even that it is a part of a healthy exchange.
Negotiation at it's core, is communication.


"I would love to do a scene with you."
"I have seen you play and you are scary, but I could allow you to spank me lightly. No blindfolds no bondage. Okay?
"May I use more than my hand?"
"I think for the first time I would prefer just your hand and if I ask you to stop or slow down, I need you to honor that."
"That is fine, you can use yellow for slowdown, red for stop, and green if you would like more or harder"
" I'd like my friend to be in the room but can we find a room or corner that is a bit more private"
"As long as your friend doesn't interfere I am okay with it , and you can pick the location."
"Then you may spank me."
"Is there anything else I should know about your health, mind or body?"
"I would prefer you do not insult me about my weight or body shape, I had a very bad scene like that once"
Five sentences each were all it took in this example. Negotiation doesn't have to be Rocket Surgery.
Consider for a moment all the horror stories you may have heard over the years from Doms or subs about partnerings that went terribly wrong. It happens all too often in a scene, a weekend or an entire relationship. I'll wager that over 80% of such debacles had either no , little or very poor negotiations. If you look back over the times things haven't gone well for you, in and out of lifestyle, it is very likely that you and the other person had expectations that were different from each other.
So with all this talk about"Basics" and "Training" and learning to serve, or Dominate, where are the guidelines for learning this vital part of Lifestyle? There are not many. It is far easier to search online and find 100 Dominant's versions of the 10 rules for submissives, than it is to find much more than " How to Negotiate a First Meeting". Why?
Perhaps we are all too eager to participate. No one tells us we should negotiate. Often we see the person getting beaten or whipped but we don't see the quite conversation in the corner that preceded the action. Maybe it's the romantic idea that "with the right 'One'.. all will just go right."
Erica Jung in 1973 wrote Fear of Flying in which she describes a scene where a Hunk of a man enters the elevator a woman is in. in seconds, all the clothes are magically flying off them as they get it on right there in the elevator car. This famous scene was called the "Zipless Fuck". It was a fantasy. It was also a fictional book that spoke to real yearnings.
We cannot afford the "Zipless Scene" a "Wordless Weekend" the " Reckless Relationship" in an environment where some measure of agreement and reason is vital to building trustworthy interactions. Remember there are some Sadists in them thar woods who really don't give a damn what you want or don't want once you are tied to the tree. I am not suggesting you don't consider a scene in them thar woods... I am merely saying you ALWAYS have not just the right, but the responsibility to talk it out before you are bound to the bark.
This is about Power Exchange. The submissive who cannot bring themselves to the bargaining table and decide what she will allow and what she keeps for herself, is in essence not present and risks being the proverbial "doormat". The Dominant who doesn't take interest in the person presenting themself to Him or Her risks doing physical, emotional or spiritual harm.
There needs to be far more dialog about negotiations among everyone, newbies to old timers. Encourage the topic at your local munches. Get ideas from others how to handle different situations. Send people to this page. Learn as much as you can about yourself, so you can communicate clearly when it is time to negotiate.
Once you are done with the words... the passionate part will still happen, with more trust and less to worry about.
-DaddyJ

Diamondbutch1
11-14-2008, 04:42 AM
LOL ...omg how could I forget the coffee,Im bad.
<sets up large coffee urne with fresh baked pasteries>
There now that the coffee is looked after...:)
I,m curious...Reguarding collars, as you have already covered the levels /means of colour and significance of adornmences. Is there any meanings related to the style or colour of the leash?
And all I have to say is ..thank god for multi-colour hankys....lol,Lunging around a suite case is so attractive.LOL

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-14-2008, 05:04 AM
Rituals these are things you as a submissive do for your Domme everyday or sometimes assigned to do weekly, at your Dommes discretion and instruction they may offer other suggestions that they exclusively desire of you. As a new submissive you may have to write your own selection of rituals to be presented to your Domme for thier approval...good luck!

Collected Rituals

by Switch4You
Sir, I am including all that I have to date. I do not agree with all of these, but wish to give them to you for your selection. This really was an interesting assignment. I enjoyed this Sir, thank you for including me.
Dear Sir:
This assignment is endless. The more people I speak to, the more information I am given. Throughout the community, all are very helpful and offer more than I actually captured on paper. I found however, most Dommes tell me that rituals are something they mandate and seldom satisfy. Listed below are examples of what Dommes and their submissives considered rituals within their own relationships. Some of these were duplicated and therefore combined and listed only once. There is no order of importance nor grouping of common interests as they appear on this list.
1. The Domme's food is prepared and served by the sub before their own.
2. The Domme is greeted in a particular manner/location/position
ex: public: bowed head/eyes lifted
private: kneel/back straight/hands behind lower back/head and eyes bowed
3. Collaring/Commitment Ceremonies ex: Ceremony of Roses
4. Kiss before leaving or going to bed
5. Kissing of toys before/after a session
6. Associating a particular music selection during sessions/meditations (both)
7. Meditation (both)
8. Creating an environment for relaxation candles/lighting/music routinely (both)
9. Setting up the area for a session
10. Establishing a specific time each day to bow and privately say thank you in their
Domme's honor
11. Cleaning and maintain the leather and toys of their Domme
12. Sitting on floors instead of furniture / sitting at the feet of their Domme
13. Address their Domme as Sir, before a question or after a statement
14. Roles are defined with specific rituals in place
15. Writings/journals
16. Alters/Spiritual rituals
17. Asking permission before proceeding to do something
18. Masturbating or abstaining from masturbation until permitted
19. Wearing appropriate apparel
20. Serving food/drinks properly
21. Standing properly/speaking properly
22. Mandated to wear their collar before leaving the house to go to a party
23. If away from home, expected to have their collar with them at all times
24. Five minute notice to get ready for play and be presentable as agreed
25. Sessions of play can contain rituals. Ex: The manner one plays with knives
may include cuttings with only their sub and not with a play partner.
26. Caddy for their Domme
27. Positioning
28. Placing an appropriate collar on someone for a specific task or event, or having
a designated person assigned to dress another in the collar to distinguish the role of the relationship between those collared (Domme)
29. Sex can include rituals ex: Not permitted to cum without permission
30. Every morning coffee and paper are delivered to their Domme before their waking
31. Meditation at an appointed location: alter/church/quiet room
ex: Requested to think about how to improve the relationship
32. Seeing to it that the Domme is satisfied each night before going to sleep
33. Domme administering nightly spankings before bedtime
34. Sub remains on a leash at a specified time/location
35. Waiting until the Domme has begun to eat before the sub begins to eat
36. Domme is seated first
37. Domme orders the meals
38. Waits on the Dommes ex: pulls out their chair to seat them
39. The sub must keep up the bookkeeping and stay on top of the finances
40. Driver/valet
41. Role play is filled with rituals ex: humiliation can be carried out to include
rituals of embarrassment
42. Bondage play and afterwards the sub handles the care of the ropes
43. Organizes the toy bag
44. Offer to serve before the sub may leave the Domme's presence
45. Enter bed in a specific manner/clothing ex: with wrist restraints/collar/plug
46. Reading/studying a specific topic upon request
47. Counting spankings as instructed
48. Sub not allowed to speak using the words I or me when referring to themselves
49. Walking in proper location as requested when accompanying their Domme
50. Banning or restricting specific speech or behaviors
51. Helping the Domme keep up with deadlines/commitments/appointments
52. Carry out assignments or duties/chores daily
53. Clean themselves before presenting themselves to their Domme
54. Keep shaved if requested
55. Massages nightly
56. Sub screens and returns all phone calls
57. Wearing of a toy where and when as instructed
58. Housekeeping/yard maintenance
59. Sleeps on the floor each time permission is not granted
60. Eats from a bowl on the floor when proper eating arrangements are not kept...this one i don't like , it appllies humiliation and some do NOT do humiliation.
61. If late, they are not allowed to attend and will be addressed when the event is over
62. When disciplined, the sub must write about her infraction and what she learned from it
63. Sub may be required to assist the Domme in a session for another as instructed...or NOT in monogomous unions.
64. Sub runs the errands for the Dom or for whomever as he requests of their time
65. Sub always greets the Domme if both are online, promptly and awaits his reply

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-14-2008, 05:08 AM
i am so honored to state, that during the last post i offered the rituals up in reading to my Sir and was very giggly during the reading....so at the end of the list Because of my actions i now IN a timely manner must offer my own list of ten <whew> daily rituals i perform for my Domme...go ahead Daddi's that read this Laugh where i can't hear you......Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
(f)
how often do we say''me and my big mouth,lol

DAYWALKER
11-14-2008, 05:25 AM
i am so honored to state, that during the last post i offered the rituals up in reading to my Sir and was very giggly during the reading....so at the end of the list Because of my actions i now IN a timely manner must offer my own list of ten <whew> daily rituals i perform for my Domme...go ahead Daddi's that read this Laugh where i can't hear you......Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
(f)
how often do we say''me and my big mouth,lol



:coffee-drink:

Feel free to include that 'big mouth' when creating your List of Ten.
:batman:
I look forward to reading it before the Weekend is done.
:beatnik:

(f)(f)(f)

:[

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-14-2008, 05:38 AM
:coffee-drink:



Feel free to include that 'big mouth' when creating your List of Ten.
:batman:
I look forward to reading it before the Weekend is done.
:beatnik:


(f)(f)(f)


:[







yes Sir...more coffee?
;)(c)(f)

The_Lady_Snow
11-14-2008, 07:17 AM
If I inherit you from DayWalker I dunno if I could own you Flamezz, cause ya gotta eat from the bowl on the floor damn it8o|

Daddy Snow says so

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-14-2008, 11:41 PM
If I inherit you from DayWalker I dunno if I could own you Flamezz, cause ya gotta eat from the bowl on the floor damn it8o|

Daddy Snow says so




I love you but DAYWALKER is my only and Last Sir, anything before hym pales and nothing will be after hym should that occur I will go to my grave with hys name on my lips!

but i do love watching you and i have a special Daddy present for you for Christmas !

and why a body gotta eat from a bowl and ON the floor?
what does that prove and what pleasure would it bring a submissive?

i have many questions that could follow this very well !!!

if i may inquire,lol

Ramy
11-15-2008, 01:57 AM
Dagnabsit LF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here I was, up over 24 hrs, fixin to go to bed after and what do I do? I find this thread and have to read it all.

I like it I like it. Lots.

Will be coming with questions as soon as I can think coherently.

Thanks very much!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-15-2008, 04:17 AM
Dagnabsit LF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here I was, up over 24 hrs, fixin to go to bed after and what do I do? I find this thread and have to read it all.

I like it I like it. Lots.

Will be coming with questions as soon as I can think coherently.

Thanks very much!



i'll be here waiting Ramy , looks like i'll be waiting just for you,lol
but i will wait !
(g)

The_Lady_Snow
11-15-2008, 08:43 AM
I love you but DAYWALKER is my only and Last Sir, anything before hym pales and nothing will be after hym should that occur I will go to my grave with hys name on my lips!

yeah yeah but look I got cha thinkin

but i do love watching you and i have a special Daddy present for you for Christmas !

OH MY GAY I CAN'T WAIT!

and why a body gotta eat from a bowl and ON the floor?

The body would do it because it is what *I* want, and if this body was here to serve *ME* then they would do it no questions asked, they would already know this coming into the dynamic with Me, what is expected from them.

what does that prove and what pleasure would it bring a submissive?

Its not about proving anything, I don't need you to prove if you are here for service or not, I'll know through your actions, words, and movements. The pleasure would come for the submissive from pleasing their Owner.

i have many questions that could follow this very well !!!

if i may inquire,lol


Thats all I got........:)

DAYWALKER
11-15-2008, 08:58 AM
Thats all I got........:)
:become-evil:Lol, that's all yer gonna get too...:)




First off, I do remember a conversation regarding if something were to
happen to Mrs. Day, then you would inherit Me.
:hmm2:
Then Me n You would go to concerts, watch car shows,
and never ever have sex n stuff like that.
:soccer:

See...it was a 'safe' exchange.
;)

The conversation never included You getting My Mrs. Day.
:|
Yer a Sadist.
:knife:
Putting you two together would be like trying to combine
peanut butter and spaghetti.
:braineater: :juggle: :braineater:

By the way, you know there is a NASCAR Restaurant in Vegas.
:driving:

:[

The_Lady_Snow
11-15-2008, 09:10 AM
Lol, t:become-evil:hat's all yer gonna get too...:)




First off, I do remember a conversation regarding if something were to
happen to Mrs. Day, then you would inherit Me.
:hmm2:
Then Me n You would go to concerts, watch car shows,
and never ever have sex n stuff like that.
:soccer:

See...it was a 'safe' exchange.
;)

The conversation never included You getting My Mrs. Day.
:|
Yer a Sadist.
:knife:
Putting you two together would be like trying to combine
peanut butter and spaghetti.
:braineater: :juggle: :braineater:

By the way, you know there is a NASCAR Restaurant in Vegas.
:driving:

:[







OH YEAH

Sometimes I get things messed up...

:|

I swear you and Joe when it comes to somethings ya'll have memories like traps..

:s

Though I really can't imagine you and I being intimate cause dude you like mah bro

+o(

That just ain't right..

8o|

You sayin' Imma sadist?

You're right!!

:giddy:

*Hears*

"California Dreamin"

on cell phone

Shit I think that is you hold on

:busted:



EWWWWWWWW at spaghetti and peanut butter

:bang-head:


:imsmilin:


So check it, we are so having lunch at that restaurant right??

<:o)

:choir:

I used smileys to match your post

:|

DAYWALKER
11-15-2008, 09:55 AM
OH YEAH

Sometimes I get things messed up...

:|

I swear you and Joe when it comes to somethings ya'll have memories like traps..

:s

Though I really can't imagine you and I being intimate cause dude you like mah bro

+o(

That just ain't right..

8o|

You sayin' Imma sadist?

You're right!!

:giddy:

*Hears*

"California Dreamin"

on cell phone

Shit I think that is you hold on

:busted:



EWWWWWWWW at spaghetti and peanut butter

:bang-head:


:imsmilin:


So check it, we are so having lunch at that restaurant right??

<:o)

:choir:

I used smileys to match your post

:|




Your Smiley's.
:|

They are lovely.
:group-hug:

And your Centering...makes me all warm n fuzzy n stuff.
:soccer:

Imunna have a Castrol GT Semi-Synthetic Shake and a Chevy Van Burger
:dinner_date:

:[

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-15-2008, 10:27 AM
Thats all I got........:)




i guess that what negotiations are for yes?
;)
and to the bowl and da floor goes the negotiachee...bless thier hearts !!!
(c)
< willing to purchase pink fuzzy knee pads for them>
but i don't know how to fix thier humiliated lil soulz
<sniffles>

may i dab thier lil eyes when they cry?
(a)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-15-2008, 10:32 AM
Your Smiley's.

:|


They are lovely.
:group-hug:


And your Centering...makes me all warm n fuzzy n stuff.
:soccer:


Imunna have a Castrol GT Semi-Synthetic Shake and a Chevy Van Burger
:dinner_date:


:[




brotherns do not exchange intimates other than BOOTS and CRops perhaps a blade or two
:|(p):|
huggs my Daddi
you taught me that, huh ?
wipes the sweat off my forehead
gawd demmit i was skurred fer a minute!
do we have to wait till i'm dead for the concert?
:|
and why are these plans being made
i am soooooooo not dead yet?
:|
perhaps i need to be very careful around you two!
(w)(g)(w)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-15-2008, 10:34 AM
OH YEAH



Sometimes I get things messed up...


:|


I swear you and Joe when it comes to somethings ya'll have memories like traps..


:s


Though I really can't imagine you and I being intimate cause dude you like mah bro


+o(


That just ain't right..


8o|


You sayin' Imma sadist?


You're right!!


:giddy:


*Hears*


"California Dreamin"


on cell phone


Shit I think that is you hold on


:busted:

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


EWWWWWWWW at spaghetti and peanut butter


:bang-head:



:imsmilin:



So check it, we are so having lunch at that restaurant right??


<:o)


:choir:


I used smileys to match your post


:|


samoochies,lol

Ramy
11-15-2008, 12:02 PM
Okay, I'm back momentarily before work.

This one is just out of curiosity.

If the sub wants to leave the relationship, how does she/he do it without overstepping boundaries, as they were? How about the Dom/me?



Psst: Nick, if you see this, chill and reread curiosity!

apussykat
11-15-2008, 04:17 PM
just dropped in to have a look.. I was specifically interested to see what information was available in here... as I went to a queer play party recently and there were no basic rules given at any stage prior to or when arriving at the event... invites came through the internet... there were at least a couple of hundred people there.. with professional equipment and areas set up with - electricity play... piercing.. flogging... spanking.. humiliation etc.. now on the surface of things.. the event actually went well.. no problems arose and it was a good nite.. however my difficulty with the lack of basic rules/principles to respect lay in that there were loads of newbies and younger apprentices who may have been influenced by this party and just because nothing went wrong (that we know of!!! as someone may have had a negative experience and without monitors or a context within which to negotiate.. ask for help/guidance and least of which to learn about personal responsibility and personal boundaries/limits.. ah hem.. safely... who would know) does not mean it is ok.. in my opinion...

so... I wondered if you knew of any resources regarding the responsibilities of holding a play party... that I may circulate for further discussion... I have already discussed my concerns and given some feedback about my previous experiences at play parties... however, any information you have, may be very useful for future events here. I think it is an onerous task to hold a party and don't get me wrong... I am happy that BDSM is taking on a new lease of life in the queer community (where I live)...and that is part of the problem.. ie: BDSM in the queer BFT community has been very underground for a long time here.. so there is a fractured or dare I say it.. in large parts of the community.. a lack of communal understanding with what might be required regarding Safe Sane and Consensual negotiation of BDSM..

I for one would like play parties in my community to occur with a commitment to the idea that safety and negotiation are not only necessities but are of paramount importance.

any thoughts.. information or links you have would be greatly appreciated...

TY for setting up this thread LADY FLAMEZZZ...(f) subscribing!!

Ms APK

Tommi
11-15-2008, 07:14 PM
just dropped in to have a look.. I was specifically interested to see what information was available in here... as I went to a queer play party recently and there were no basic rules given at any stage prior to or when arriving at the event... invites came through the internet... there were at least a couple of hundred people there.. with professional equipment and areas set up with - electricity play... piercing.. flogging... spanking.. humiliation etc.. now on the surface of things.. the event actually went well.. no problems arose and it was a good nite.. however my difficulty with the lack of basic rules/principles to respect lay in that there were loads of newbies and younger apprentices who may have been influenced by this party and just because nothing went wrong (that we know of!!! as someone may have had a negative experience and without monitors or a context within which to negotiate.. ask for help/guidance and least of which to learn about personal responsibility and personal boundaries/limits.. ah hem.. safely... who would know) does not mean it is ok.. in my opinion...

so... I wondered if you knew of any resources regarding the responsibilities of holding a play party... that I may circulate for further discussion... I have already discussed my concerns and given some feedback about my previous experiences at play parties... however, any information you have, may be very useful for future events here. I think it is an onerous task to hold a party and don't get me wrong... I am happy that BDSM is taking on a new lease of life in the queer community (where I live)...and that is part of the problem.. ie: BDSM in the queer BFT community has been very underground for a long time here.. so there is a fractured or dare I say it.. in large parts of the community.. a lack of communal understanding with what might be required regarding Safe Sane and Consensual negotiation of BDSM..

I for one would like play parties in my community to occur with a commitment to the idea that safety and negotiation are not only necessities but are of paramount importance.

any thoughts.. information or links you have would be greatly appreciated...

TY for setting up this thread LADY FLAMEZZZ...(f) subscribing!!

Ms APK


The above is a big no no, and hard to imagine no DM's and no realeases that state what is what. Here are several websites FYI., and Dungeon/Play Party rules from a private club in San Diego. The sites are membership oriented, but have free info.

http://www.clubxsd.org/

http://www.lairdesade.com/

DUNGEON RULES

The decisions of the Dungeon Monitors (DM's) are FINAL.

Any person or persons not responding to a DM's instructions shall be removed from the premises and NOT allowed to return.

No refunds shall be given.

Abide by SAFE, SANE AND CONSENSUAL BEHAVIOR AT ALL TIMES!

No alcoholic beverages or illegal substances may be consumed or permitted on the premises. This includes the use of “poppers.” If a staff member deems that a person is under the influence, they will be removed from the premises and not allowed to return.

No intrusive odors, such as sage or incense, are allowed.

You are responsible for cleanup of your play area. Please use a tarp or drop cloth if necessary. Leave a safe and clean space for the next guest. Sharps containers, cleaning supplies and disposal units are provided.

Respect others and their property. Do not interrupt or enter a scene without permission.

Remember, NO means NO. Do not touch people or things without express permission to do so.

Smoking is not allowed anywhere inside the building.

Offering or agreeing to perform or performing any act of prostitution or solicitation of prostitution is strictly forbidden. If approached for these purposes, report this immediately to the Dungeon Monitor

No water sports, scat or breath play are permitted at any Club X event.

No cell phones, cameras, video equipment or recording devices of any kind are allowed to be used within the confines of the dungeon space.

The following are prohibited from this event:

Whips longer than six feet

Guns, firearms or explosives (real or simulated)

Audible pagers and cell phones must be set to silent announce

Wrist watches with audible chimes

Concealed weapons of any kind. Including spring loaded, lockable knives.

All sheathed and unconcealed knives and all sterile, unopened scalpels are only permissible upon the Head D/M's approval

All persons wishing to engage in “edge play,” must first consult with the Head D/M. If you have any doubts or questions about this, please speak with a Dungeon Monitor.

Safer sex guidelines are in effect for all genital-to-genital and genital-to-anal activities. This applies to all fluid bonded players as well. Condoms are provided. Safer sex is encouraged but not required for all other activities. Latex or other barriers are provided if needed. All bodily fluids must be contained.

The use of safe words or signals is required. If you do not have your own, may we suggest:

Green – All is Well

Yellow – Caution, back up

Red – Stop now, the scene is OVER!

______________________________________________________

Signature

______________________________________________________

Print Name

______________________________________________________

Date

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-15-2008, 09:49 PM
Okay, I'm back momentarily before work.

This one is just out of curiosity.

If the sub wants to leave the relationship, how does she/he do it without overstepping boundaries, as they were? How about the Dom/me?



Psst: Nick, if you see this, chill and reread curiosity!



In any relationship "with respect and tenderness" the submissive has the right to choose as does a Domme, if the relationship is not one that will endure time and nurturing and fixing because your not only in a D/s relationship" the basis is the union of two people who love each other. If a submissive makes the choice to leave, Thats her freedom to do so.

I think this lifestyle's unions are deeper than any i have had otherwise. so i know the reality should be more ritual and a ritual can and usually does occur to dissolve the relationship.

But bottom line , no pun intended...it's done:}


this could be different in a slave's postion we have to ask for help on that !

But i'm thinking some may not have that choice :}

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-15-2008, 10:02 PM
welcome to the thread apussykat.....NEVER EVER NEVER GO TO AN UNSUPERVISED play party again....thats my input ,lol

Tommi has provided the neccessary information for you i hope you take advantage of it , i think you will :} < thank you Tommi>

The dangers are so real ya'll it scares me for the new generation as apussykat mentioned... but i'm so glad there are sites like this we can learn the rules together and the old timers share teaching theat is priceless !

i worked tonight so i'm heading for a seista but i wanted to check in :ss:

thank you all for keeping the thread alive and i am so glad it is being used for the purpose i intended...thank you again :ss:

Ramy
11-16-2008, 09:53 PM
In any relationship "with respect and tenderness" the submissive has the right to choose as does a Domme, if the relationship is not one that will endure time and nurturing and fixing because your not only in a D/s relationship" the basis is the union of two people who love each other. If a submissive makes the choice to leave, Thats her freedom to do so.

I think this lifestyle's unions are deeper than any i have had otherwise. so i know the reality should be more ritual and a ritual can and usually does occur to dissolve the relationship.

But bottom line , no pun intended...it's done:}


this could be different in a slave's postion we have to ask for help on that !

But i'm thinking some may not have that choice :}


*drags self in tiredly from work*

Yeah, that's what I thought. But didn't know.

Thanks!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-17-2008, 01:18 AM
this morning i'd like to discuss endorphins and possibly get some help from ya'll.... be back in a bit with a little explanation!

apussykat
11-17-2008, 01:25 AM
Thank you Tommi for the info.. hello to Lady Flamezzz and ty for the welcome..
I am shocked this occurred and would as a result of that party check what safety measures are in place for any future BDSM party/event I am invited to.. I have done some research since visiting this thread and found several variations on the same theme that address the concerns I had.. however the SD club release is great and I will forward this with the other info I found.. am running out now.. but will post those next time I am in BF... just wanted to say a quick thanx... Ms APK



The above is a big no no, and hard to imagine no DM's and no realeases that state what is what. Here are several websites FYI., and Dungeon/Play Party rules from a private club in San Diego. The sites are membership oriented, but have free info.

http://www.clubxsd.org/

http://www.lairdesade.com/

DUNGEON RULES

The decisions of the Dungeon Monitors (DM's) are FINAL.

Any person or persons not responding to a DM's instructions shall be removed from the premises and NOT allowed to return.

No refunds shall be given.

Abide by SAFE, SANE AND CONSENSUAL BEHAVIOR AT ALL TIMES!

No alcoholic beverages or illegal substances may be consumed or permitted on the premises. This includes the use of “poppers.” If a staff member deems that a person is under the influence, they will be removed from the premises and not allowed to return.

No intrusive odors, such as sage or incense, are allowed.

You are responsible for cleanup of your play area. Please use a tarp or drop cloth if necessary. Leave a safe and clean space for the next guest. Sharps containers, cleaning supplies and disposal units are provided.

Respect others and their property. Do not interrupt or enter a scene without permission.

Remember, NO means NO. Do not touch people or things without express permission to do so.

Smoking is not allowed anywhere inside the building.

Offering or agreeing to perform or performing any act of prostitution or solicitation of prostitution is strictly forbidden. If approached for these purposes, report this immediately to the Dungeon Monitor

No water sports, scat or breath play are permitted at any Club X event.

No cell phones, cameras, video equipment or recording devices of any kind are allowed to be used within the confines of the dungeon space.

The following are prohibited from this event:

Whips longer than six feet

Guns, firearms or explosives (real or simulated)

Audible pagers and cell phones must be set to silent announce

Wrist watches with audible chimes

Concealed weapons of any kind. Including spring loaded, lockable knives.

All sheathed and unconcealed knives and all sterile, unopened scalpels are only permissible upon the Head D/M's approval

All persons wishing to engage in “edge play,” must first consult with the Head D/M. If you have any doubts or questions about this, please speak with a Dungeon Monitor.

Safer sex guidelines are in effect for all genital-to-genital and genital-to-anal activities. This applies to all fluid bonded players as well. Condoms are provided. Safer sex is encouraged but not required for all other activities. Latex or other barriers are provided if needed. All bodily fluids must be contained.

The use of safe words or signals is required. If you do not have your own, may we suggest:

Green – All is Well

Yellow – Caution, back up

Red – Stop now, the scene is OVER!

______________________________________________________

Signature

______________________________________________________

Print Name

______________________________________________________

Date



welcome to the thread apussykat.....NEVER EVER NEVER GO TO AN UNSUPERVISED play party again....thats my input ,lol

Tommi has provided the neccessary information for you i hope you take advantage of it , i think you will :} < thank you Tommi>

The dangers are so real ya'll it scares me for the new generation as apussykat mentioned... but i'm so glad there are sites like this we can learn the rules together and the old timers share teaching theat is priceless !

i worked tonight so i'm heading for a seista but i wanted to check in :ss:

thank you all for keeping the thread alive and i am so glad it is being used for the purpose i intended...thank you again :ss:

Toughy
11-17-2008, 08:59 AM
Hope you don't mind this bit of input.

When I negotiate with a bottom or submissive I always ask for a 'yes/no'' list. I have seen a ton of them over the years. I finally found the one I like the best. It is from Sovereign House and is downloadable from their website.

http://www.leatherfamilyonline.com/index.cfm

It's the far right column and is titled 'Downloadable Negotiation Form'.

Yes, it is a bit long, but it covers nearly everything you can think of and allows you to rate your interest in an activity and whether you have actually participated in an activity. It will certainly make you think as you fill out.

buyjupiter03
11-17-2008, 09:05 AM
Hope you don't mind this bit of input.

When I negotiate with a bottom or submissive I always ask for a 'yes/no'' list. I have seen a ton of them over the years. I finally found the one I like the best. It is from Sovereign House and is downloadable from their website.

http://www.leatherfamilyonline.com/index.cfm

It's the far right column and is titled 'Downloadable Negotiation Form'.

Yes, it is a bit long, but it covers nearly everything you can think of and allows you to rate your interest in an activity and whether you have actually participated in an activity. It will certainly make you think as you fill out.

This is definitely a good idea. The best time I had bottoming was with someone who sat down with me BEFORE anything happened and went through a checklist of things, to gauge interest and also to find common ground.

DAYWALKER
11-17-2008, 09:12 AM
That's a great list Toughy.
(y)
Thank you for sharing, your input is always welcome.

:popcorn:

;)

:[

Toughy
11-17-2008, 09:36 AM
Thanks Day........

I also think it's a good idea for the Top/Dom(me)/Ma'am/______ to sit down with this list and fill it out for themselves from their perspective as a Top. It will certainly help clarify what your particular perversions and kink look like. It can also serve as a guideline for any classes or books you might want to read to hone up your skills.

(ps.....I'm not big on the online stuff about capital and small case letters......I am too much of a grammar/spelling whore.....but that's just me)

RopeBurner
11-17-2008, 12:49 PM
Not to throw any kind of wrench into this but as a Top what I'm looking for, what I'm willing to do as far as kink and D/s, I know. I want a bottoms yes/no list because I want to see what things on it mesh with the things I like. But wayyyy before that, I want to establish a link of interest/common ground/attraction. If you know I play in D/s land (and I do) don't come to me as a bottom with what YOU want, I don't care. Come to me with what you have to offer and leave your ego at the door.

Rope--

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-17-2008, 07:58 PM
My gift is to be valued to be placed where i belong on a pedestal by my Domme Without me and submissives like me where would the Dommes of the world be?


To many the use of a checklist may not be needed because trust and love is there as is respect BUT to devalue me as a submissive by saying an ego can be left at the door or my needs are not important is in my eyes wrong!


Thank the heavens for my Domme i am blessed to have a Master. I do happily kneel at hys feet. With a glance from hym, i know my place. But i have a voice and one that is respected by hym therefore hy gets the same from me.



it's a power exchange it's a loving dance it's based on mutual respect and mutual needs.
(f)
i vote checklist in case anyone wants to know,lol
(f)


ps the new ppl that read this please think safety "yours"
checklist are here for a reason as is the need for negotiations, you have a voice never be afraid to use it. If someone doesn't want to hear your views then maybe they are not the one for you
(f);)(f)

Martina
11-17-2008, 08:30 PM
i have done a lot of negotiating in the last couple of years, and what generally happens -- what is most efficient -- is that i submit my "no" list. It's not too long. Otherwise, it's up to the Dominant/Top. i am a submissive in play, so my goal is to please. They ask about experience so they know where to start. They think and plan, and, then, when we play, they push to see what i can really take. Then we see what can happen between the two of us, new to each other, in that given place and time.

The only way i can give my gift is for me to leave my ego at the door, for it to be all about them -- within my limits and with provisions for safety.

The link of interest and common ground to me is less important. There has to be some attraction/respect/trust. i have to feel their power and like them, respect them. Even longer term play partners don't have to be the kind of person i would normally date. We just have to have the same kink and have an interest in and respect for each other. Humor really helps.

For D/s outside of play, yes, there has to be a lot of common ground and connection, a powerful one.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-17-2008, 10:40 PM
i have done a lot of negotiating in the last couple of years, and what generally happens -- what is most efficient -- is that i submit my "no" list. It's not too long. Otherwise, it's up to the Dominant/Top. i am a submissive in play, so my goal is to please. They ask about experience so they know where to start. They think and plan, and, then, when we play, they push to see what i can really take. Then we see what can happen between the two of us, new to each other, in that given place and time.

The only way i can give my gift is for me to leave my ego at the door, for it to be all about them -- within my limits and with provisions for safety.

The link of interest and common ground to me is less important. There has to be some attraction/respect/trust. i have to feel their power and like them, respect them. Even longer term play partners don't have to be the kind of person i would normally date. We just have to have the same kink and have an interest in and respect for each other. Humor really helps.

For D/s outside of play, yes, there has to be a lot of common ground and connection, a powerful one.



I can respect those that have more than one Domme to handle thier own...so to speak...with mine being my only One.things i suppose are a little different we are not only Domme and sub we are also partners for life. At the end of the day we cuddle together to sleep and wake to each other as a loving devoted couple.The scenes we share are exclusive to us there are no others Nor will there ever be.

For those that have a desire for more than one that's the beauty of choices we can make for ourselves.

I learned along time ago the basics are there for us to build on as we desire. No rights no wrongs. This is not a lifestyle of perfection
thank goodness,lol

My reason stands for starting this thread that being of safety for new comers and i will continue to advocate for them for that reason, not one of who's way is right or wrong.

Personally i could not gift myself to more than one...My heart and soul comes with my submission.
(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-18-2008, 04:11 AM
endorphins


The Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition


endorphins , neurotransmitters (http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1E1-neurotr.html) found in the brain that have pain-relieving properties similar to morphine. There are three major types of endorphins: beta endorpins, found primarily in the pituitary gland; and enkephalins and dynorphin, both distributed throughout the nervous system. Endorphins interact with opiate receptor neurons to reduce the intensity of pain: among individuals afflicted with chronic pain disorders, endorphins are often found in high numbers. Many painkilling drugs, such as morphine and codeine, act like endorphins and actually activate opiate receptors. Besides behaving as a pain regulator, endorphins are also thought to be connected to physiological processes including euphoric feelings, appetite modulation, and the release of sex hormones. Prolonged, continuous exercise contributes to an increased production and release of endorphins, resulting in a sense of euphoria that has been popularly labeled "runner's high."


ok this is a struggle for me to explain,lol


with this technical description of endorphins it gives you an idea of what occurs in your body <brain> when pain is recieved by your body...it explains the high <subspace> the same is true of the subdrop that you hear of...the consumption of endorphins in high degrees then the bodies coming down off such high releases of endorphins <sub drop> often can be, as many have claimed relieved with sweets ie chocolates as this food also stimulates a different kind of endorphin it eases the bodies "coming down phase" after having recieved pain that causes the High...this is a very unromantic descriptor of endorphins,lol


maybe i could get some help ?

Clamothe
11-18-2008, 04:19 AM
love is there as is respect BUT to devalue me as a submissive by saying an ego can be left at the door or my needs are not important is in my eyes wrong!--Lady Flamez

I agree, I thought maybe it was just me :)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-18-2008, 05:01 AM
ENDORPHINE (http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/micro/gallery/endorphin/endorph2.html)

if you want to see what a endorphine looks like <click above>

Diamondbutch1
11-18-2008, 10:25 AM
My gift is to be valued to be placed where i belong on a pedestal by my Domme Without me and submissives like me where would the Dommes of the world be?



To many the use of a checklist may not be needed because trust and love is there as is respect BUT to devalue me as a submissive by saying an ego can be left at the door or my needs are not important is in my eyes wrong!


Thank the heavens for my Domme i am blessed to have a Master. I do happily kneel at hys feet. With a glance from hym, i know my place. But i have a voice and one that is respected by hym therefore hy gets the same from me.



it's a power exchange it's a loving dance it's based on mutual respect and mutual needs.
(f)
i vote checklist in case anyone wants to know,lol
(f)


ps the new ppl that read this please think safety "yours"
checklist are here for a reason as is the need for negotiations, you have a voice never be afraid to use it. If someone doesn't want to hear your views then maybe they are not the one for you

(f);)(f)
Beautifully said Lady Flamezzz....True Dominance does not come from the ability take what is offered for self fulfillment but from great care and understanding of the needs and wants of ones submissive for the fulfillment of both D/s is a balance.

The possitive information that is being supplied here is exactly what all beginners should know.

RopeBurner
11-18-2008, 11:40 AM
"To many the use of a checklist may not be needed because trust and love is there as is respect BUT to devalue me as a submissive by saying an ego can be left at the door or my needs are not important is in my eyes wrong!"

I am obviously not negotiating with you nor was I devaluing your submission since it's not mine to receive. I was simply making a point that ego on a submissives part needs to be left at the door--this isn't all about a submissive, when it is, that's called topping from the bottom. I believe going down this rabbit hole loses my point.

I think SOME submissives (and it's been my experience too) think that what they want is as important as what their Dom's want. Here in lies the D/s expression of the relationship. Yes, we come to the negotiation table as equals and we come to the table of any relationship that springs from that as equals (play vs. relationship is my distinction here). But if what you want is to be dominated, then let the Dom dominate since you've agreed to submit.

If you've given me your yes/no list and now want to script out the scene, where is the submission? You've given me your list, and possibly you've negotiated as a newbie the 'go slow' piece and if not, hopefully as a seasoned Top/Dom/Master you know that slowness builds trust and sticking to someone's yes/no and not pushing them builds trust. But what gets mistaken for submission is when a masochist is really just looking for a sadist. This confusion can lead to breakdown on both parties because you're negotiating from different places.

Rope--

Martina
11-18-2008, 11:58 AM
love is there as is respect BUT to devalue me as a submissive by saying an ego can be left at the door or my needs are not important is in my eyes wrong!--Lady Flamez

I agree, I thought maybe it was just me :)

One of the reasons i do service -- and do it joyfully -- is that it is part of my spiritual journey taking me away from being a slave to my ego. There is joy in serving others, Responding to the endless demands of ego -- as most religions and spiritual practices affirm -- is an unhappy fate. i go to D/s because i want to leave my ego behind, because i want to worship the divine as it is embodied in a human i can respect. i go to D/s for fun and pleasure too. But leaving my ego behind -- it is something i feel fortunate to be able to do. It's mostly why i am there.

Toughy
11-18-2008, 12:44 PM
I think folks confuse terms such as bottom, submissive, slave, masochist....they are all very different things and require a different style of negotiation and a different mindset....and then there is Top, Sadist, Master, Mistress, Dom(me).

It is BDSM .......bondage, discipline, sadism/masochism, master/slave, dominance/submission.....that's a few of the meanings of those 4 letters. And then should we talk about the kinds of activities involved in each of those meanings? I would agree that for the largest most part, the bottom/slave/submissive/masochist does need to leave their ego at the door. I have the list, we have talked about basic parameters....now it's time for you to let me run the show/fuck. I don't want anybody deciding in the middle of a scene they want to change how I run the show as long as I follow the discussed boundaries.

I also think we should be really careful about terms like 'True Dominance'. There is no one true kind of dominance and submission. What works for one set of folks and is 'true', certainly may not be 'true' for another set of folks.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-18-2008, 01:18 PM
Thank you Db1 and everyone for thier input...many areas
W/we can go to next any request?
(f)
Does anyone have anything that can help me explain the
endorphins and pain levels ?
(f)

Also i'd like to bring back further discussion or input of
sum kind "how to be safe in a first time meetings"?

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-19-2008, 03:54 AM
ok ya'll leave me no choice...how bout' some stories on submission or some stories from the Domme's perspective of Domme head space and subspace!!

any takers?

Diamondbutch1
11-22-2008, 03:28 AM
Stories ,well now that does sound inviting....lol ,but for now I think I shall just stick to answering a question I have been asked. " How does one Dominate?"
For me Dominating is a balance of drawing on a submissives sexual responses and hightening the sence of adventure,while maintaining command of the situation. It is about knowing what takes her to the edge and what pushes her over it. The use of fear,anticipation,menace (never let them panic) and mystery is balanced with tenderness,confidence,sexiness,love.
Really it depends on what makes a submissive fell submissive. You have to discover what excites and stimulates her,then plan the scene around it.
A Dominate has to prepare the scene in hys mind and be confident and sure in its execution.
A wise Dominant once said..." I can force a woman to do anything ..she wants to do."

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-22-2008, 04:07 AM
Stories ,well now that does sound inviting....lol ,but for now I think I shall just stick to answering a question I have been asked. " How does one Dominate?"
For me Dominating is a balance of drawing on a submissives sexual responses and hightening the sence of adventure,while maintaining command of the situation. It is about knowing what takes her to the edge and what pushes her over it. The use of fear,anticipation,menace (never let them panic) and mystery is balanced with tenderness,confidence,sexiness,love.
Really it depends on what makes a submissive fell submissive. You have to discover what excites and stimulates her,then plan the scene around it.
A Dominate has to prepare the scene in hys mind and be confident and sure in its execution.
A wise Dominant once said..." I can force a woman to do anything ..she wants to do."



Love the quote Db1 and the analogy...yes i guess your stories are on the extremely erotic side and although they are beautiful, this is about D/s not erotica, to me there is a definite difference. D/s doesn't have to be about sex or sexual release.

Some may have a different opinion though and that's ok!

Thank you for keeping the thread alive Db1 i appreciate your efforts.

*~Sassy*~
11-22-2008, 05:29 AM
Hi MzFlamezzzzzzzzzz and everyone,

I have thought about this recently.. You know I am venturing into the world of D/g which in my world is also D/s.

The physical part is great, trust me its great, but its the non physical stuff that I LOVE.

Pleasing, craving and wanting to please my D is what intices me and excites me.

Does this make sense?

glenninindy
11-22-2008, 05:36 AM
Good-Mornin To You Once Again Mrs Daywalker Flame; (f)Ok. I see that all this is about separating the soul from matter. To see that my Sub can hold more and more to a super-feeling, super- conciousness created by endorphines, and ultimately have mastery over her body by disassociating from the pain AND pleasure in her mind.. without going anywhere or doing anything=Sub. NOT leaving her EGO, BUT BY BEING AWARE OF EVERYTHING THAT SHE FEELS AND THINKS in her body and mind. The Master must monitor all this VERY VERY CAREFULLY. AmI correct to assume that the Master definiately should have at the very least, an academic interest in/or trained to carefully monitor bodily functions? Because this can cause serious issues on ALL levels

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-22-2008, 05:55 AM
Hi MzFlamezzzzzzzzzz and everyone,

I have thought about this recently.. You know I am venturing into the world of D/g which in my world is also D/s.

The physical part is great, trust me its great, but its the non physical stuff that I LOVE.

Pleasing, craving and wanting to please my D is what intices me and excites me.

Does this make sense?


this makes perfect sense to me...both D/s and D/g dynamics are about pleasing , in doing so it brings us both pleasure also shows the greatest of respect for Y/your Daddi, nothing i like better and it really touches my core than to see a smile on hys face and i know i put it there. It is a two way street what Hy offers me and what i offer hym compliments each other.

Someone in the butch femme family said this as close as i can recall anyway...Hy allows me to service hym it is my gift to hym to do so, but the part of Hy allows me and chose me to gift my servitude to Hym really struck a cord with me one day. I was so tired and completely drained between work and attempting to top service our home i felt one more call of service would cause me to explode in a hormonal rage "i'm tired" i had to stop myself and remember Hy chose me out of love and it is out of love i do these things for Hym...as girls we do i imagine get over whelmed at times "when is it about us" well it comes to mind quickly for me , it is always about US as a unit what i do for hym does serve my needs, because it makes Hym happy.Being in Hys company and having Hys smile daily satisfies my heart and soul as well as my mind and body. Not everday requires scene because W/we live in scene so to speak every moment of O/our existance together

This is a loving sharing good times and bad relationship at least it is in O/our home.The respect is always there . The trust is always there. The love is always there...but some days ya just have to rest,lol

Hy knows me inside and out and in everyday life Hy does not push me. Hy tenderly guides me in and out of each day.

Hy is My Daddi and there is nothing i would not do for Hym even if i had to crawl to do it,lol

Wait a minute Hy may read this... Hy also knows i have very damaged knees so nerymind,lol

I am not a young girl anymore i have limits,lol

I had an urge to share :}
sometimes at night when W/we are spooning tears of happiness <silently> roll down my cheeks
Nothing pleases my soul more than to know
i please Hym.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-22-2008, 06:29 AM
Good-Mornin To You Once Again Mrs Daywalker Flame; (f)Ok. I see that all this is about separating the soul from matter. To see that my Sub can hold more and more to a super-feeling, super- conciousness created by endorphines, and ultimately have mastery over her body by disassociating from the pain AND pleasure in her mind.. without going anywhere or doing anything=Sub. NOT leaving her EGO, BUT BY BEING AWARE OF EVERYTHING THAT SHE FEELS AND THINKS in her body and mind. The Master must monitor all this VERY VERY CAREFULLY. AmI correct to assume that the Master definiately should have at the very least, an academic interest in/or trained to carefully monitor bodily functions? Because this can cause serious issues on ALL levels



the basic understanding of bodily functions should be known i think....a persons normal breath patterns for one minute is between 16 being the normal low and 20 being the high for an adult..if the breathing exceeds these numbers or decreases beyond the lowest number, something is happening.
cool and clamy skin is a definite sign there is an issue...
rapid eye movement can be a sign of neuro issues
involuntary body < muscle > movement can be an issue
decrease in normal body color can be an issue
the thing is know thier medical history...cool and clamy could be low blood sugar could be cardiac!
body color could be cardiac
rapid breathing could be neuro and or cardiac....the list is endless
but all of these could be the norm while in an intense scene for some...
remember the two finger rule with restraints , restraining someone is not only with physical binds but also with mental binds...you dont have to restrict blood flow to serve that need! if a persons nail beds are blue < this is not good> circulation in the body is not a maybe it is have to!!!!!!
if the hands are cool to touch and the forearms are warm most likely the restraints are to damn tight!
thats one example
because of endorphine release with in the brain during recieving pain...the flesh can sometimes take extreme levels of pain...but the cardiac system may be over loaded check the heart rate if it exceeds what is typically normal for a particular sub during scene stop scene!
subspace typically lowers heart rates if it drops below what is normal for this particular sub stop scene!
normal heart rate for a healthy adult is between 64 and high would be 80....during scene heart rate is gonna at times be drastic up and down...if it exceeds what is normal for them stop scene!

you must know your submissive inside and out period!

a hand twitching for some and a low heart rate would and could be a sign of deep sub space, for sum it could mean impending diabetic coma....
D/s is not a game it can be a very serious issue if you don't heed warning signs... a Domme regardless of experience as far as r/t practice better know or else...educating oneself is a must...you don't just pick up a flogger and proceed to fulfill your needs without first knowing what the hell is going on!
before i allowed anyone to restrain me i read for almost three years
i educated myself!!!!!!
and i thought i knew it all,lol
sad to say i didn''t know shit...i was a victim because of the craving that we all know as submissive that overwhelming need.
thats why this thread is so important to me . i have the need to protect and educate as much as i can anyway. I still have alot to learn as we all do, this is not a right or wrong lifestyle, it takes time patience and educating oneself and every union is different But safety to me is the highest priority....

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-22-2008, 06:37 AM
Hope you don't mind this bit of input.

When I negotiate with a bottom or submissive I always ask for a 'yes/no'' list. I have seen a ton of them over the years. I finally found the one I like the best. It is from Sovereign House and is downloadable from their website.

http://www.leatherfamilyonline.com/index.cfm

It's the far right column and is titled 'Downloadable Negotiation Form'.

Yes, it is a bit long, but it covers nearly everything you can think of and allows you to rate your interest in an activity and whether you have actually participated in an activity. It will certainly make you think as you fill out.



thank you so very much Toughy!!!
:)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-22-2008, 06:55 AM
"To many the use of a checklist may not be needed because trust and love is there as is respect BUT to devalue me as a submissive by saying an ego can be left at the door or my needs are not important is in my eyes wrong!"

I am obviously not negotiating with you nor was I devaluing your submission since it's not mine to receive. I was simply making a point that ego on a submissives part needs to be left at the door--this isn't all about a submissive, when it is, that's called topping from the bottom. I believe going down this rabbit hole loses my point.

I think SOME submissives (and it's been my experience too) think that what they want is as important as what their Dom's want. Here in lies the D/s expression of the relationship. Yes, we come to the negotiation table as equals and we come to the table of any relationship that springs from that as equals (play vs. relationship is my distinction here). But if what you want is to be dominated, then let the Dom dominate since you've agreed to submit.

If you've given me your yes/no list and now want to script out the scene, where is the submission? You've given me your list, and possibly you've negotiated as a newbie the 'go slow' piece and if not, hopefully as a seasoned Top/Dom/Master you know that slowness builds trust and sticking to someone's yes/no and not pushing them builds trust. But what gets mistaken for submission is when a masochist is really just looking for a sadist. This confusion can lead to breakdown on both parties because you're negotiating from different places.

Rope--


i don't think i said i wanted to script the scene,lol
if i did insinuate that i take it back...now i have to re-read everything i've posted!!

however if sceneing on O/our bed i do prefer black sheets,lol
and i wanted to add this i have never had the desire or need to top!
if i seem assertive in this thread it is because i am a very strong woman
I do have a mind and i will very often express my opinion
it doesn't take away from my being a submissive
if anything it adds to it!
If i surrendered my submission to everyone in life and i deal with some strong characters outside of O/our home
i would be crushed.
and if you ever met me you would instinctively know i am a survivor
in the wild kingdom
i would survive
period!
:)
all it takes for me to exhibit my submissive self is a glance from DAY.
or a noticeable change in hys breathing,lol

Diamondbutch1
11-22-2008, 08:37 AM
*runs in makes quick note*
Black sheets eh.......
lol umm is there black lights too?

Martina
11-22-2008, 03:09 PM
i totally respect that what you are attempting here. You educated yourself and want to help others. i think ENCOURAGING others to educate themselves is awesome. Giving them some of this information -- specific medical/physical information -- seems more like training, which can't be done online. Maybe i am wrong. But this is info that people need to get in classes and when mentored by experienced players. Letting people know that serious things can go wrong in BDSM -- the risks -- i am all for that. Training online, not so much.


D/s is not a game it can be a very serious issue if you don't heed warning signs... a Domme regardless of experience as far as r/t practice better know or else...educating oneself is a must...you don't just pick up a flogger and proceed to fulfill your needs without first knowing what the hell is going on!

And as you know, D/s isn't BDSM. It's very important, i think, to keep that distinction clear. There are people in D/s relationships who don't do BDSM, and most people who do BDSM do not do D/s. i bet most of the D/g relationships of people on this site include little risky bdsm play.

And you say not to pick up a flogger without knowing what is going on, but you have given all that info about reading a bottom. i am not sure who your audience is. Really. i am not being a snark. i honestly wonder. i totally believe in your good intentions.

Finally,
re you must know your submissive inside and out period!

THat would be true if you are playing REALLY hard, emotionally and physically. You can't do that without knowing a lot about your bottom. But are newbies gonna do this? If so, it needs to be with a very experienced player.

A lot of people play with people they don't know well. We do what we know we can do and have done, and if we get pushed, it's in ways we've mentally prepared for and in ways the person we are playing with has experience. You do not have to know your bottom inside and out. For the kind of play you do with your partner -- from what i can tell -- yeah, you do. But you are talking to newbies. Are they all gonna model their lives on yours necessarily?

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-22-2008, 08:04 PM
i totally respect that what you are attempting here. You educated yourself and want to help others. i think ENCOURAGING others to educate themselves is awesome. Giving them some of this information -- specific medical/physical information -- seems more like training, which can't be done online. Maybe i am wrong. But this is info that people need to get in classes and when mentored by experienced players. Letting people know that serious things can go wrong in BDSM -- the risks -- i am all for that. Training online, not so much.



And as you know, D/s isn't BDSM. It's very important, i think, to keep that distinction clear. There are people in D/s relationships who don't do BDSM, and most people who do BDSM do not do D/s. i bet most of the D/g relationships of people on this site include little risky bdsm play.

And you say not to pick up a flogger without knowing what is going on, but you have given all that info about reading a bottom. i am not sure who your audience is. Really. i am not being a snark. i honestly wonder. i totally believe in your good intentions.

Finally,

THat would be true if you are playing REALLY hard, emotionally and physically. You can't do that without knowing a lot about your bottom. But are newbies gonna do this? If so, it needs to be with a very experienced player.

A lot of people play with people they don't know well. We do what we know we can do and have done, and if we get pushed, it's in ways we've mentally prepared for and in ways the person we are playing with has experience. You do not have to know your bottom inside and out. For the kind of play you do with your partner -- from what i can tell -- yeah, you do. But you are talking to newbies. Are they all gonna model their lives on yours necessarily?


My intent for giving medical references was to show the importance of knowing how a persons body can react to certain stimulus to the extreme which for a new comer i think should be stressed , for them to know what can occur. As a medical professional i did not intend to try to ONLINE train just to stress the risk and some possible symtoms that can occur and be presumed to be just a reaction to pain.

I don't recall ever advicing anyone to model thier lives after mine but i will go back through what i have offered to see if i did. I assure you.

I was also responding to Gleninindy's inquiry about needing to know basic human body functions, which i for one think is a good idea . Some may disagree and i'm ok with people having a different opinion. as for a newbie's experience's i agree a seasoned Domme would be a good idea. At some point they are going to fulfill the urge to submit , Yes?

The highlighted areas of your somments , i am trying to address as sincerely as possible. As for my audience i don't think i have an audience i do have a few friends that have shared thier thoughts in this thread and i am here solely as an attempt to share my own personal experiences and to stress the impotance of safety and perhaps to explore issues such as protocol?

I'm not sure what it is you seem to not agree with about the thread and me as the creator...but i simply wanted to share and help with some needed information for new comers and may i add my pm box has evidence of people who do appreciate the thread and my efforts.

If what i am doing in this thread you feel is wrong, you can not participate or report it....there are a number of threads i'm sure you may see more eye to eye with than this one in regards to D/s...bondage and domination..and one more thing the intensity of scenes with my Domme , you really don't know for sure so please do not assume you do.
ps if you truely appreciated my efforts , you would know i mean very well.

respect always
Lady

DivaTX45
11-22-2008, 08:30 PM
"To many the use of a checklist may not be needed because trust and love is there as is respect BUT to devalue me as a submissive by saying an ego can be left at the door or my needs are not important is in my eyes wrong!"

I think SOME submissives (and it's been my experience too) think that what they want is as important as what their Dom's want. Here in lies the D/s expression of the relationship. Yes, we come to the negotiation table as equals and we come to the table of any relationship that springs from that as equals (play vs. relationship is my distinction here). But if what you want is to be dominated, then let the Dom dominate since you've agreed to submit.

If you've given me your yes/no list and now want to script out the scene, where is the submission? You've given me your list, and possibly you've negotiated as a newbie the 'go slow' piece and if not, hopefully as a seasoned Top/Dom/Master you know that slowness builds trust and sticking to someone's yes/no and not pushing them builds trust. But what gets mistaken for submission is when a masochist is really just looking for a sadist. This confusion can lead to breakdown on both parties because you're negotiating from different places.

Rope--



i don't think i said i wanted to script the scene,lol
if i did insinuate that i take it back...now i have to re-read everything i've posted!!

however if sceneing on O/our bed i do prefer black sheets,lol
and i wanted to add this i have never had the desire or need to top!
if i seem assertive in this thread it is because i am a very strong woman
I do have a mind and i will very often express my opinion
it doesn't take away from my being a submissive
if anything it adds to it!
If i surrendered my submission to everyone in life and i deal with some strong characters outside of O/our home
i would be crushed.
and if you ever met me you would instinctively know i am a survivor
in the wild kingdom
i would survive
period!
:)
all it takes for me to exhibit my submissive self is a glance from DAY.
or a noticeable change in hys breathing,lol





If I am out-of-line, please forgive me....I can only speak for myself....

However....I was most fortunate to receive a "Yes/No" List of sorts to give to someone and it was immensely helpful.....It was helpful to me as a new submissive, I studied it intently and learned many things about myself. It was also helpful to my Daddy, a Dominant, in learning more about me than He knew before. I see nothing wrong in using such a tool. It did not mean I wanted to script a thing as I did not have that authority. It did not mean I was telling Him what to do.

And LadyFlamezzz, I believe this thread is exceptionally helpful for people like me, who just want to learn as much as possible ~ You present this information in a non-egotisitcal manner....understanding that everyone's situation is different....and every relationship is different. To assume otherwise is.....well we all know what it means to 'assume'.....

Thank You.

~Diva (8)

Diamondbutch1
11-23-2008, 03:50 AM
LADY FLAMEZZZ I will full heartedly agree with Diva and as it is sunday I shall say it.
"You are a god send" The information that you are so generously giving here of the basics.
Will help educate those who wish such knowledge. Through out my life I have strived to master the art of pleasure,what ever form that might be,the human mind and body is a beautiful thing. In such a quest my journey has taken me through many different aspects of life.Learning proper social ediquette,having a basic understanding of the cultural structure by trial and error did not come with out its scares. By the information you are sharing here ,you are giving those the knowledge that they seek hopefully helping to make their own journey's a little smoother. For all of those seeking it ,I,d like to Thank you.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-23-2008, 05:28 AM
Diva a pleasure to have you visit O/our little thread , thank you so very much for your kind words and support...i adore you !!!
(f)
Db1 as always your support does not go without notice <curtsy> thank you !!!
:)

Clamothe
11-23-2008, 05:33 AM
[/b][/color]


My intent for giving medical references was to show the importance of knowing how a persons body can react to certain stimulus to the extreme which for a new comer i think should be stressed , for them to know what can occur. As a medical professional i did not intend to try to ONLINE train just to stress the risk and some possible symtoms that can occur and be presumed to be just a reaction to pain.


I don't recall ever advicing anyone to model thier lives after mine but i will go back through what i have offered to see if i did. I assure you.


I was also responding to Gleninindy's inquiry about needing to know basic human body functions, which i for one think is a good idea . Some may disagree and i'm ok with people having a different opinion. as for a newbie's experience's i agree a seasoned Domme would be a good idea. At some point they are going to fulfill the urge to submit , Yes?


The highlighted areas of your somments , i am trying to address as sincerely as possible. As for my audience i don't think i have an audience i do have a few friends that have shared thier thoughts in this thread and i am here solely as an attempt to share my own personal experiences and to stress the impotance of safety and perhaps to explore issues such as protocol?


I'm not sure what it is you seem to not agree with about the thread and me as the creator...but i simply wanted to share and help with some needed information for new comers and may i add my pm box has evidence of people who do appreciate the thread and my efforts.


If what i am doing in this thread you feel is wrong, you can not participate or report it....there are a number of threads i'm sure you may see more eye to eye with than this one in regards to D/s...bondage and domination..and one more thing the intensity of scenes with my Domme , you really don't know for sure so please do not assume you do.
ps if you truely appreciated my efforts , you would know i mean very well.


respect always

Lady

Lady Flame--I am your audience. Someone curious and thankful, please keep the info coming :)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-23-2008, 05:53 AM
Lady Flame--I am your audience. Someone curious and thankful, please keep the info coming :)



and your a treasure...thank you !!!
:|

Ramy
11-23-2008, 01:31 PM
Apparently I've missed drama. Ah well.

Something I've noticed is contracts can be negotiated again, or more, at a later time.

Daddy and I did last night. Always surprises me how much I feel closer to him when we do.

PaintedMustang
11-23-2008, 07:27 PM
Thank you Db1 and everyone for thier input...many areas

W/we can go to next any request?
(f)
Does anyone have anything that can help me explain the
endorphins and pain levels ?
(f)


Also i'd like to bring back further discussion or input of
sum kind "how to be safe in a first time meetings"?


this link is one i found very helpful, and had it in mind when i mentioned to you the request for more about endorphins...

http://vanilla-not.com/reallife/endorphins.html

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-23-2008, 11:08 PM
Apparently I've missed drama. Ah well.

Something I've noticed is contracts can be negotiated again, or more, at a later time.

Daddy and I did last night. Always surprises me how much I feel closer to him when we do.


no drama just a difference of opinion...
:)
yup anytime contracts can be re-done!
:|
isn't it wonderful!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-23-2008, 11:09 PM
this link is one i found very helpful, and had it in mind when i mentioned to you the request for more about endorphins...

http://vanilla-not.com/reallife/endorphins.html


thank you Painted...

Ramy
11-23-2008, 11:18 PM
no drama just a difference of opinion...
:)
yup anytime contracts can be re-done!
:|
isn't it wonderful!


Yes, yes it is...

Like that. Funny. Thought it was set in stone. Well, guess doesn't help I'm a black and white kind of boy. And my signature is my bond.

Diamondbutch1
11-25-2008, 04:18 AM
Good morning LadyFlamezzz and to all.
I have just gone through the thread and noticed that the subject of Power exchange ,the Levels of Power exchange.

Definition of power exchange....The empowerment of the dominant by the submissivessurrender of thier control. Power exchange is consentual and should be well negotiated. The depth of power yeilded by the submissive is equal to the level of responsibility assumed by the dominance.

Power exchange levels..A level of linking emotional involvement and the depth of feelilng with degree of power exchange.
The five levels are..1) Conditional compliance...the one nighter,a limited exchange of power negotiated for a single scene or brief period of play..2)Restricted ongoing acquiescene...An argeementby dom and sub to play casually for an extended period of time with out serious emotional involvement...3) Provisional submission...An ongoing relationship negotiated between dom and sub characterized by power exchange and emotional involvement, but lacking serious commitment4)..the Covenant of dominance and submission...A deeply committed symbiotic relationship bewteen dom and sub.. 5) Absolute ownership....a)..with in master/slave role play ownership means having control of the submissive ..b) Loosely used to mean an on going dominate/submissive relationship..c) absolute ownership ia a lost-in- fantasy relationship based sadomasomythology and fictional lore. The first four are based in reality.
These definitions of Power exchange,power levels come from Miller & Devon's " Screw the Roses,Send me Thrones.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-25-2008, 04:42 AM
Good morning LadyFlamezzz and to all.
I have just gone through the thread and noticed that the subject of Power exchange ,the Levels of Power exchange.

Definition of power exchange....The empowerment of the dominant by the submissivessurrender of thier control. Power exchange is consentual and should be well negotiated. The depth of power yeilded by the submissive is equal to the level of responsibility assumed by the dominance.

Power exchange levels..A level of linking emotional involvement and the depth of feelilng with degree of power exchange.
The five levels are..1) Conditional compliance...the one nighter,a limited exchange of power negotiated for a single scene or brief period of play..2)Restricted ongoing acquiescene...An argeementby dom and sub to play casually for an extended period of time with out serious emotional involvement...3) Provisional submission...An ongoing relationship negotiated between dom and sub characterized by power exchange and emotional involvement, but lacking serious commitment4)..the Covenant of dominance and submission...A deeply committed symbiotic relationship bewteen dom and sub.. 5) Absolute ownership....a)..with in master/slave role play ownership means having control of the submissive ..b) Loosely used to mean an on going dominate/submissive relationship..c) absolute ownership ia a lost-in- fantasy relationship based sadomasomythology and fictional lore. The first four are based in reality.
These definitions of Power exchange,power levels come from Miller & Devon's " Screw the Roses,Send me Thrones.


very nice morning addition to ponder whilst i sip my coffee...i pick number four with a smidgen of C...

isn't it great that the differences are .ok!

as i have said so many times nothing is perfect in BDSM many different strains so to speak, what may be right for me and mine may be way off the chain for another union or part time get to together for play...

.the thing that keeps us all the same are the guidelines that are set forth to keep us all safe.

and the rules...!) safe 2) sane 3) consensual....

none of these can be left out for it to work!

also respect honesty integrity the right to communicate your needs and desires , ya know if you dont feel you have the right or if your needs are silenced it's not really fair to call it a power exchange is it?

i guess i love the romance of it all the sharing of a deep intimacy where i trust totally to give myself to ONE...it takes a hell of alot to trust someone to bind you or at least it should in my opinion dare i say...never let anyone bind you , that you do not trust to care for you. Once your cuffed you have little say and i want to stress that fact !

anyway good morning DB1 and others who enjoy this space !

to me the meaning or the concept of power exchange is like giving birth...it is a mental rebirth in one breath you can offer your self and have that gift accepted by the same breath being inhaled by your Domme...the instant absorbtion of you and you as Hys gift..what a high it must be for a Domme.

ya know i use hy often and i want to say i mean no disresepct to the Mistress' and the Top femmes and or Daddi's...i'm just accoustomed to mine being Domme so my comfort area is to refer to Hym and Hy..my apologies If anyone takes offense ... i mean none at all!

Ramy
11-25-2008, 04:46 AM
very nice morning addition to ponder whilst i sip my coffee...i pick number four with a smidgen of C...

isn't it great that the differences are .ok!

as i have said so many times nothing is perfect in BDSM many different strains so to speak, what may be right for me and mine may be way off the chain for another union or part time get to together for play...

.the thing that keeps us all the same are the guidelines that are set forth to keep us all safe.

and the rules...!) safe 2) sane 3) consensual....

none of these can be left out for it to work!

also respect honesty integrity the right to communicate your needs and desires , ya know if you dont feel you have the right or if your needs are silenced it's not really fair to call it a power exchange is it?

i guess i love the romance of it all the sharing of a deep intimacy where i trust totally to give myself to ONE...it takes a hell of alot to trust someone to bind you or at least it should in my opinion dare i say...never let anyone bind you , that you do not trust to care for you. Once your cuffed you have little say and i want to stress that fact !

anyway good morning DB1 and others who enjoy this space !

to me the meaning or the concept of power exchange is like giving birth...it is a mental rebirth in one breath you can offer your self and have that gift accepted by the same breath being inhaled by your Domme...the instant absorbtion of you and you as Hys gift..what a high it must be for a Domme.

ya know i use hy often and i want to say i mean no disresepct to the Mistress' and the Top femmes and or Daddi's...i'm just accoustomed to mine being Domme so my comfort area is to refer to Hym and Hy..my apologies If anyone takes offense ... i mean none at all!


I find it interesting that I trust him with my life, yet he knows he can never bind me.

Yet, at the risk of publicly humiliating myself here, when I smashed my head on the car door, pinching my ear between my hearing aid and the car and came running in the house crying and unable to talk, he made sure not to tease me later for what had happened, as he knows I don't ever cry. That's true trust on my part.

Diamondbutch1
11-25-2008, 05:03 AM
OMG ya turned me pink........LOL...thank god i look good in pink....and am Butch enough to wear it.....lol

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-25-2008, 05:25 AM
OMG ya turned me pink........LOL...thank god i look good in pink....and am Butch enough to wear it.....lol



oops,lol
(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-26-2008, 03:42 AM
Collaring

What A Collar Means


Collaring is when a Dom/me claims a sub as their own. This can be literal--actually placing a collar around the neck of the submissive--or it can be figurative and be an understanding between the people involved. Often the literal option is chosen, because the collar is recognized within the community as a mark of ownership.
Collars are, again, a mark of ownership. Collars mean that a Dom/me has exclusive rights to the sub that is wearing their collar, and that he or she makes any decision that affects that sub. In some communities it is accepted that a person will check with the Dom/me before any interaction, even conversation, with the submissive. Most communities are not this formal, but that doesn't mean that the Dom/me does not have complete control over what is done to the sub that is wearing his or her collar. To touch, molest, use, or require something of a collared submissive by someone who is not their owner and is not acting under the owner's instruction is considered unforgivably rude. It is valid and acceptable for a sub to ignore an order from a Dom/me who is not their owner or is not sanctioned by their owner.
The collar means, besides ownership, that the Dom/me has agreed to the care and protection of the submissive. The education, behavior, nurturing, and punishment of the submissive all fall to the Dom/me who has placed the collar. If there is a problem with the sub, or if there is something desired of the sub, their Dom/me should be consulted first. Never assume you have any rights to a collared sub that is not your own.
Collaring is a serious step. By placing a collar, you are agreeing that this person is in your care, or you are agreeing that you will surrender your personal power to this person for as long as you wear their collar. It is a step that should be weighed carefully and not jumped into blindly. Make sure, before the collar is placed/accepted, that you and your Dom/me agree on what that collar means to you both.

Collaring Ceremonies


Collaring is much like taking wedding vows, and as such there are formal collaring ceremonies that can be performed. Master and I did not do this; rather we found a quiet spot and spoke of what placing the collar meant, and what we would both do to honor those promises.
A collaring ceremony can be private, as ours was, or you can involve friends. It's up to you and your Dom/me, really, how formal and public you wish to make this step. There are formal collaring ceremonies, often written for the Gorean lifestyle. Collaring is generally not undertaken in the general public, as it's seen as a very personal and private thing. If you do choose to make it public, be sure that all of those in the immediate area are comfortable with witnessing this part of your life. Keep it Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Different Kinds of Collars


Collars can take many forms. They can be made of leather; they can be simple jewelry chains; they can be necklaces; they can be locked in place and the key kept by the Dom/me; they can be permanently linked around the neck; they can be worn 24/7; they can be only worn when in bed, or when in a scene, or when in the home, or when in the presence of your Dom/me; collars are only limited by your imagination. Check the sites listed on the Toy Box/Toy Stores page for ideas.
Collars do not necessarily have to go around the neck, either. If there are reasons a person cannot wear something around their neck, anything given to them and worn with the understanding that comes with a collar is perfectly valid. For stylistic reasons, some people choose body piercings to be their 'collars'. I wear a my leather collar for all to see; my labia rings cannot be seen but are just as significant between me and my Master, as he gave the permission and was there for their placement.
A consideration for collars is whether the collar can be worn in public, and the situations the submissive will face wearing a collar in public. If you are a high-level executive, it is impractical to wear a 4" wide black leather posture collar to work. For this reason, a fine chain or necklace that can be tucked under clothing may be a better choice.
At this stage in my life, I do not have anyone other than my Master that I must answer to. For this reason, I wear my collar (a black 1.5" leather collar) 24/7. It is understood, however, that I can take it off when I feel it is necessary. As I write this I am not wearing my collar; I have taken it off to let a sore spot on my neck heal. I do not wear my collar in the bath; this is to protect the leather. No matter why I've taken it off, however, I am always aware of the agreement that my collar signifies and always honor that.
Collars can also be metaphorical. There are reasons you may need a collar that cannot be seen. For this sort of thing, agree between yourself and your Dom/me what the collar means, what is expected of you while you 'wear' it, when you will 'wear' it, and under what grounds you may 'remove' it. This requires a lot of talk and a lot of agreement, but this sort of collar is just as strong as a physical collar.

Caring for a Collar


A collar is traditionally the possession of the Dom/me, left in the care of the submissive. As such it is understood that it is the sub's duty to care for the collar, keeping it safe and cleaning it when necessary. This is applicable, obviously, only to collars that can be removed.

Leather Collars


If the collar is leather, use a good saddle soap (such as Fiebings' Saddle Soap, though there are many good saddle soaps out there) to wash it occasionally. Using a soft cloth, dampen the cloth, rub the cloth in the soap, work the cloth over the collar, dry the collar and work it through the hands until it is completely dry. NEVER get a leather collar wet (in the bath, swimming) and then allow it to dry while in place. It is leather and it will stiffen from straight water (that's why you use saddle soap) and leather shrinks when it dries. If for some reason it does get wet, take it off and work it through your hands until it dries. It is impractical to place a permanent leather collar.


'Jewelry' Collars


Sometimes the collar is not the stereotypical leather collar, but rather a chain or necklace that can be worn in public and not attract attention. These can be removable, or they can be permanently linked around the neck of the submissive. If it is removable, a good silver cleaner or jewelry cleaner gotten from a jeweller's will clean the collar well. It's a bad idea to clean permanent 'jewelry' collars while they are in place, as the chemicals that clean silver and gold can be caustic to the skin.

'Collar Rules'


If a collar is not worn 24/7, it is the sub's duty to make sure it is within easy reach at all times. It may also be their duty to place it around their neck at certain times (for example, upon entering the home), but this is often determined by the Dom/me and sub together. It is unspoken that the sub will remember their 'collar rules' and not need to be reminded once they are established.
As the submissive wearing your Dom/mes collar, it is up to you to honor and defend that collar when your Dom/me is not around. It was placed around your neck with the understanding that you gave up your personal power to your Dom/me. While you wear that collar, it is expected that you will obey any orders that have been set for you, even if no one is watching. To defy a rule while wearing the collar of the person who made that rule would be dishonorable.
Also, you may be called upon to defend the collar if you wear it in public. I have had many people look at my collar and ask, "Is that a dog collar?" I just smile and say, "No, it is not." When questioned further, I say that it was a gift from a very precious person, and it means something very significant between the two of us. If you answer calmly and with a smile, it's a rare person that will pursue the subject. In fact, I have never had anyone challenge me further once I offer my answers.
Being collared is a huge step, but it is also rewarding and gratifying. Wearing a collar is a great privilege, and should not be undertaken lightly. Each partner needs to agree about the significance of the collar; once the agreement is reached, you as a submissive are at once completely free and completely secure.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-26-2008, 04:06 AM
Advice For The Submissive
Author: TautLine © 2000


M/many involved in the BDSM lifestyle have been introduced to it through the Internet and online chat rooms. Online can be very intense and very special. It can also lead to great harm to many, just as realtime relationships can be quite intense and special and for others just as harmful. The possible harm in the online world is mainly emotional harm, though physical harm can happen when a submissive follows directions from one who claims to be a Dominant who is either uneducated or not a dominant at all, but a player.

What I wish to speak of now is emotional harm. Where most physical harm will heal, emotional harm can last a lifetime. I have seen so very often where a submissive is harmed because he/she gives all their trust to one not worthy of it. Submissives have several desires…a desire to please…a desire to be owned…a desire to be loved…and a desire to be treasured. These desires can leave a submissive quite open to being harmed emotionally. These desires are very intense, but they are very much part of them. And it is important that a submissive understands these needs and how to have them met properly. For an abuser, it is easy for them to become prey, if the submissive does not understand. An abuser takes these desires and carefully uses them to harm another. So please understand…understand yourself, understand your needs, and understand that with patience, you will find what it is you seek and your desires will be met.
Abusers use these needs to trap a submissive. They are very careful, they know how to manipulate the desires of another. They act as though they desire them…make them feel as though they are loved, but the one who is being targeted knows in their heart the relationship is not a good one. What the abuser has done, is draw the one so deeply in, they feel they cannot back away. Even though they know it is a bad relationship, the abuser meets just enough needs to entwine them. The abuser makes them feel as if they are the one who is at fault for any problems in the relationship and in doing this, the abuser sucks the life from them, but does not allow them to be free. Often, it is said, when online, the "Off" button is a safety measure, and that can work for a time, but once one is drawn in deeply by the manipulations of an abuser, it is hard to hit that button, but you can be free of abuse.
I am going to express in points things one should watch for and consider. If these things are occurring, please seriously consider what is going on with your relationship…
1. Isolation - Are you regularly kept from talking to others, be it in a chatroom or any other venue? Are you not allowed to have input from others? Are you with no real cause not allowed to talk to others who were your friends? Temporary separation from others does happen, but it is only for a limited time and only to give a submissive time to consider things and learn. But, it is this important to consider, is this one who claims to be a Dominant so insecure about himself and your relationship he cannot allow you to talk to others? A true Dominant is not insecure and will not keep you from openly talking with others, so that you also are secure in yourself and the relationship you are building with Him/Her.
2. Belittlement - Do you feel as if you are put down? Do you feel like less of a person than you did before you met this person? Do your insecurities grow as you have gotten more involved with this person? A true Dominant desires to build up and help to make others the best they can be. If it is the one they claim as Their own, that desire is even more intense. To a true Dominant, this possession is a treasure and will be treated with great care and love. 3. Terror - Are you afraid to speak openly to the one who claims to be a Dominant? Afraid that your words will not be respected? Afraid you will be screamed at or made to feel guilty for expressing yourself? A true Dominant will not do that. you should feel and you need to know you have a right to express your concerns and that they will be listened to. A true Dominant will listen to you and allow you to express yourself and then the Dominant will talk with you. Does this mean the Dominant's view is right or your is…no…but a true Dominant will respect you, just as you respect that Dominant.
4. Lack of trust - Do you feel a lack of trust for the one claiming to be Dominant? Are there many questions in your mind and heart which cannot be answered? In any relationship questions do arise, especially as two begin to learn of E/each O/other. But are you not allowed to discuss them? Or the answer, if you do raise a question from the other is a question, "Why do you doubt Me?" A true Dominant will desire to build your trust and security. As I said, in any relationship questions arise, a true Dominant understands this and will allow you to express yourself. The Dominant's desire is that you have absolute peace and trust, first in yourself, then in the relationship Y/you B/both are building and living.

Diamondbutch1
11-28-2008, 02:37 AM
Goodmorning(c) LadyFlamezz.....Hope you and DW are having a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.
Diamondbutch1

LADY FLAMEZZZ
11-28-2008, 02:44 AM
Goodmorning(c) LadyFlamezz.....Hope you and DW are having a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.
Diamondbutch1



Hy cooked i did dishes and we shared some very nice moments :shall we say: but reality is back this morning with work looming over our heads,lol
(n)
I hope the same of you and your lady love Db1....and i think your right , it's time for coffee!
(c)

Diamondbutch1
12-08-2008, 03:35 AM
Good morning Lady Flamezzz...:coffee-drink:...well my friend its time to pick your brain again reguarding information resources.
Slang...terms and definitions....it would appear from reading through some of the other threads that slang words or code words as they where, have taken on new meaning and definitions . I am wondering if there is a resource that one might use to up-date their terminaligy?
Db1

LADY FLAMEZZZ
02-16-2009, 09:42 AM
Good morning Lady Flamezzz...:coffee-drink:...well my friend its time to pick your brain again reguarding information resources.
Slang...terms and definitions....it would appear from reading through some of the other threads that slang words or code words as they where, have taken on new meaning and definitions . I am wondering if there is a resource that one might use to up-date their terminaligy?
Db1



DB1 i'm bumping this thread since i'm off starting tomorrow for twelve days!!!
I'll have time to do sum research...so until tomorrow let's see what comes our way...
:[

Diamondbutch1
02-17-2009, 05:58 AM
Cheers:coffee-drink:and goodmorning Lady Flamezzz.
12 days off...mini holiday got to love em.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
02-28-2009, 09:47 AM
it's been brought to my attention that this particular thread needs to be brought up to front page,lol

seriously too many newbies to the lifestyle really have no clue where to begin..so once again i'm bumping in hopes ppl that are of the like share...
Db1 help me keep us alive,lol

LADY FLAMEZZZ
02-28-2009, 09:58 AM
hint:
there is a difference between girls and subs...

they can often play off the other but there is a devisive line!

as a girl i dare say even tho there is the dynamics of being subservant to your Daddi the deciplines are not the same gradient as is D/s... a spanking if you have been a disrespectful girl is of a different make up than that of D/s..just an example , your Daddi is not spanking you for the intense pleasure of pain < a reward in my eyes> in the realm of D/g's..it means just that you are getting a spanking!!!!

In the realm of D/s a spanking means much more in the area of delivering pain...

If my Daddi spanks me as a girl i react much differently than if hy spanks me as a submissive...it's a mind and body space with both...differentiatiing the meaning is the key!

ARE you confused,lol


Fear not a good Daddy will explain the differences.
And most likely you will feel the difference!

My reason for starting this particular thread i will explain briefly again...this is for new Daddi's and Domme's and new girls and subs...a place to share your thoughts and ask questions.. if the community cannot answer them we will explore until we find the answers needed to keep you safe and make your experiences safe...hopefully!

be blessed all and fire away those deep dark questions you've been dying to inquire about!

and remember no one is 100% right and no one is wrong , both lifestyles belong to the ones living them...here you can find the basic outlines and the lessons of respect and trust guidelines from there experience is the only way to learn.
< i wish we had a BDSM flag among our emoticons> hint hint
(f)

Perkitty
02-28-2009, 03:15 PM
I think this is an awesome thread! This will be great for new people. When you ask questions to have awnsers instead of someone being rude or telling you to go read!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
02-28-2009, 11:30 PM
I would never intentionally be rude to someone who was sincere in thier interest of safety and learning more with the help of their community about the lifestyles they feel they are coming into and have a deep desire to fulfill... in the community we are lucky enuff to be a part of their are many Daddi's and girls and Dommes and subs..what better place to learn the in's and out's ...And here you can ask and learn how to keep from getting hurt
< hopefully> by someone that is not what they portray themselves to be and this is speaking of all concerned girls and subs and Daddi's/y's and Domme's so many call themselves these titles and do so merely for deceptive reasons...My feeling is ...if i can help just one from getting hurt, then why shouldn't I...(f)

sharkchomp
02-28-2009, 11:56 PM
Lady, I also find this thread refreshing. The content is excellant and no flaming, just support.

Subscribing to learn more

~~~shark~~~~~~~

Diamondbutch1
03-01-2009, 05:03 AM
* runs in singin...(8)stayin alive stayin alive..*
Good morning Lady Flamezzz ,tis always a pleasure to be of assistance.

Now Im not sure if there is a technical term for it (im sure you will know)but its something I call the "rush". As one who delivers the pain of pleasure,for the beginner this feeling, sensation can be both scary and intoxicating. This rush is of great pleasure to those of us experiencing it but it also pushes and tests the strength of our self control. As a beginner one should take it slow. A little at a time and not be afraid to stop if they feel that they may lose control of themselves to this sensation. To be consumed,losing control in the height of this sensation become dangerous,and harmful. It is no longer about their pleasure but about ones own gratification.
*wonders back out singin...STAYin alive....staying alive..*

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-01-2009, 09:18 AM
Top-space - A state of erotically altered consciousness achieved during a scene by the dominant or top. It is characterized by feelings of intense focus, clarity of thought, a sense of extreme power or high energy, and/or exhilaration. Feelings of distance and objectivity, as if one where commanding from a mountaintop, may paradoxically accompany feelings of connection to the submissive, as if there were a psychic link. A dispassionate perspective may combine with erotic ardor. Top space may be followed by either a continued sense of well-being or by feelings of fatigue, depression, or lethargy.

Does this describe what you mean DB1 ? and thank you for your continued support!

Shark...Thank you !

Diamondbutch1
03-01-2009, 10:09 AM
LadyFlamezzz I just knew you would have the technical term/meaning for the "Rush".
May the rest of your day be filled with joy and laughter.
Diamondb1

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-01-2009, 02:07 PM
LadyFlamezzz I just knew you would have the technical term/meaning for the "Rush".
May the rest of your day be filled with joy and laughter.
Diamondb1



Thank you DB1 the questions that i have been getting lately are answered right here in this thred it surprises me though since i bumped the thread for those ppl's convenience that none of them have posted< to keep us alive>,lol
;)
Oh well...

Diamondbutch1
03-02-2009, 04:40 AM
< wonders in singin>.."Sticks n stones may brake my bones...but whips and chains excite me...so lay me down n tie me up ....and show me that you like me.."
Morning LadyFlamezz.....guess its just shyness or a fear of asking a"silly question"that keeps them from asking in public.
As one who becomes energized for some time (couple of days) afterwards. My descent from such space is slow and gradual. I tend to savour and hold onto it but for those beginning any helpful hints on how to deal with negetive effects of returning from top space.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-02-2009, 09:08 AM
< wonders in singin>.."Sticks n stones may brake my bones...but whips and chains excite me...so lay me down n tie me up ....and show me that you like me.."
Morning LadyFlamezz.....guess its just shyness or a fear of asking a"silly question"that keeps them from asking in public.
As one who becomes energized for some time (couple of days) afterwards. My descent from such space is slow and gradual. I tend to savour and hold onto it but for those beginning any helpful hints on how to deal with negetive effects of returning from top space.


well DB1 looks like it's me and you my friend,lol
;)
as for coming down lots of love and tenderness... and maybe some high energy drinks,lol
A scene is very draining and very exilerating at the same time a mind rush a body rush an adrenaline rush all hand in hand...creating chaos on the down.....
(f):)(f)

SimpleAlaskanBoi
03-02-2009, 09:52 AM
Lady Flamezzz;

Any tips on protcol for newbies?
Thanks,
~SAB

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-02-2009, 10:30 AM
Sample Party Rules


this is old guard examples to me they hold true today




Do not make assumptions. Negotiate all scenes. Do not assume that the presence of someone at this party means they are available. Do not involve yourself in a scene without an invitation.

Never touch anyone, their equipment, or belongings without permission.

Privacy and discretion are to be respected. All information about party activities, attendees, etc. is to be considered confidential. Do not bring cameras or other recording devices.

Treat everyone with equal respect -- Doms, Subs, Switches, and Staff alike.

Play sober. Do not bring alcohol or recreational drugs to the party.

Smoking will be at the discretion of the Board of Perverts. Smoking will be allowed in established smoking areas only.

Please be prepared with something to cover your more daring clothing -- or lack thereof -- when you go outside the party space.

No genital or anal penetration, oral sex or exchange of bodily fluids.

Solicitation for sexual services is not allowed.

Please agree on safe words for scenes. "Red" will be a default safe word.

Respect scenes. Limit conversation and screaming in the play area. Don't crowd the playing areas.

Respect the playspace. Clean up after messy scenes. Use a drop cloth when waxing. No scat or water sports.

Limit play to the playspace. Do not engage in play outside the Dungeon Monitor's line of vision.

Don't bring guns. [editor's note: this _is_ a Texas group]

Dungeon Monitors have the final word on everything including the right to stop an unsafe or abusive scene. Check with the DM before any fireplay (waxing, cupping, flash paper, etc.), piercing, or bloodsports.







Basics for protocol in a party setting...among everything that one should know, basic respect is key. trust follows closely behind...when in doubt please inquire...never assume!

As with any situation the basics are safety sane and consensual ...these are basic guidelines.
as for newbies i would think the guidelines for party protocol would be the same in any situation they encounter...ask questions when in doubt i can't stress that enough. Most of us will oblige with an honest answer or find someone who can!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-02-2009, 10:39 AM
Simple is this what you needed or do i need to dig deeper?

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-02-2009, 10:46 AM
The number one mistake I see made by new to D/s is thinking there is a right and a wrong way to go about playing. While there are some safety rules that should be followed, the only people who make the rules are the ones involved in the scene or relationship. If anyone else tells you that you are doing this wrong, tell them to mind their own business.

Another common mistake is rushing into things. I know that after years and years of suppressing this desire it is very hard to take it slow when you finally find out you aren't the only one that gets turned on by bondage. But rushing to dominate or submit to another without taking the time to get to know some skills, and each other, is a recipe for pain... that is the bad kind, not the good. When you first get started, take the time to read the literature, join a local organization, and get to know the person you will be playing with.

A mistake I often see new subs make is submitting to anyone and everyone who calls themselves a dominant. Just because someone sticks "Master", "Mistress", "Dom" or "Domme" in their screenname doesn't mean you have to call them "sir" or "ma'am" or submit to their demands. For the most part, a reputable, experienced dominant knows this and will not demand unearned respect. New dominants are sometimes guilty of this. If someone hasn't earned your respect, why would you act like they have?

Another mistake inexperienced subs often make is in setting limits. Some make too many limits, and this will sometimes frustrate or scare off the dominant. Much more common is a new sub setting too few limits. They feel they will not be desirable or "sub" enough if they have limits. Take some time to think about what truly squicks you... what you do not under any circumstances want to experience at present, and make this act a limit. If a potential Dom/me won't agree to a certain limit, walk away. Of course, your limits will change as you become more experienced. What you won't submit to this year, you may crave the next.

Something else I have seen is the "Dom/me is always right" syndrome. The joke is there are two rules in D/s:

The Dom/me is always right
If the Dom/me is wrong, refer to Rule #1

That's what it is, too... just a joke. Dom/mes are human and are sometimes wrong. It isn't a sin against the D/s gods to respectfully suggest to your Dom/me that s/he may be wrong... especially if it involves a safety issue. Just because you are a sub doesn't mean you check your brain at the door. If you are the dominant and make a mistake, don't be afraid to admit it and apologize. It won't make you any less "domly".

Finally, many newbies think that the Dom/me's pleasure is the only thing that matters. Sure, as a sub it is your job to please your Dom/me, but it should please you as a sub, also. We play these games to make everyone happy. While there may be times you do something to please your Dom/me that you don't enjoy, if you find yourself doing this consistently you are probably with the wrong partner.


I have to give proper credit to Wiz Domme web site for this information!
I read everything before submitting it in this forum because i don't want to give information that i deem not appropriate or bullshit!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-02-2009, 10:54 AM
Take everything out of your profile [or internet logon ID] that could allow someone to contact you in real life. This includes your real name, your real location, any school references, etc. Some people can be very resourceful with very little information.
Do not give out your full name, phone number, or real address to someone until you can get at least three positive references for that person. Try to seek them independently, ask around.

Also, past subs are often good people to talk to concerning a Dom. If you get a bad recommendation, consider it seriously and pursue even more references.
Look for another sub to help mentor you. A sub understands a lot of what you are going through and has no hidden motives (eg, s/he isn't going to try to seduce you.)

Many Doms are more than willing to befriend you because they know that is how to get to a sub -- if he befriends you, you feel obligated...
If you do not already have it, contact someone to get the D/s info packet that has been put together for people new to the scene. It has a variety of resources and is an excellent way to get started (groups on line, reading material list, etc.) We didn't put this together but either of us would be happy to send you a copy if you ask for it.
Do not call someone until you have at least three positive references for that person. With all the technology available, it is possible for someone to get your number if you call them. Don't assume that you calling them is a safe bet.
A Dom can NOT demand you give him information that you do not want to give out. Do not be mislead by a Dom who says you must give him information because he is a Dom or because you are a sub. A good sub is safe and smart, not blindly obedient.

Do not meet someone in real life until you have at least five positive references for that person. There is no need to rush into anything. If he is a good Dom, he will be more than willing to wait till you are sure of your safety. In fact, he should give you suggestions on how to insure your safety.

However, you need to be the one to make the arrangements, such as have a person who knows where you will be at all times, and a contact person to call at a preset time during the meeting.
Always have a first meeting in PUBLIC and preferably with another person accompanying you. They don't have to sit at the table with you, but should be near at hand should something go wrong and/or to walk you to your car.
Do not engage in any D/s or sexual activity during your first meeting. That first meeting should be to get to know one another, discuss ideas about D/s, set limits, etc. There is no need to rush into anything. A good Dom will take the time to get to know you and make sure there is good communication before any D/s takes place.
Above all else GO SLOW AND USE COMMON SENSE!!!!!

D/s can be obsessively exciting for a new sub and consequently there is a tendency to think with something other than your brain. Before you do ANYTHING, give yourself time to think and be rational.

Submission should be an intelligent choice, not a sexual frenzy.

And talk to other subs -- learn from our mistakes, benefit from our experience; there is no need to reinvent the wheel.

list of safety precautions for newbie's i am also adding the D/s information packet in the next post so you don't have to go looking for it!
Heed these words of advice ppl !!!!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-02-2009, 10:59 AM
Ok as for the packet I'm going to add bits of it as i go along as not to overwhelm everyone with information at once, i know how i am if a post goes over 500 characters i am apt to by pass it,lol
:)

SimpleAlaskanBoi
03-02-2009, 11:05 AM
Yes, thank you.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-02-2009, 11:10 AM
Safe calls...everyone should adhere to this list !!!!!


Note: These suggestions may seem to be bordering on paranoia, but it doesn't cost anything to be cautious. Don't take chances when your mental, physical and emotional health could be at risk.

Do what's right for you, but consider these or similar suggestions very seriously before agreeing to meet someone for BDSM activity for the first time. Any Dom/me or sub who is reputable and trustworthy should have no problems with these or similar procedures, and if they do, perhaps that should be a warning signal that they are not what they appear to be.

The following information should be given to the person(s) receiving your safe calls:

Your full name
Your home address and phone number
Make, model, color, and license plate number of your car if you are driving yourself, or
Detailed information (flight numbers and times, rental car information, etc.) if you are using other transportation

ALL the information you have on person you are meeting, including:

Their full name and screenname(s) or logon ID(s)
Their address and phone number(s)
Their age, description, any and all information you have on the person you are meeting.

Pass on to your safe call person(s):

Where you are meeting
The name of place you are meeting
The address of the meeting place, including room number (if applicable) and phone number (if you do not have it ahead of time, give it during first phone call)
When you are meeting - time and date
The phone number for the local police in the town you are meeting

Be sure to have agreed and understood codewords for your safe call, one indicating that everything is ok, and one indicating that you need help.

The first phone call should be made within 15 minutes of the established meeting time.
The second phone call should be made within 30 minutes after the first.
The third phone call should be made within 2 hours after that or before leaving the place of the meeting, whichever comes first.
The fourth phone call should be made within 30 minutes of leaving the meeting.
If the meeting lasts longer than 3 hours, phone calls should be made no less than every 2 hours apart until you part company... then proceed with the departing call and the last call.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-02-2009, 11:20 AM
Yes, thank you.



your very welcome...keep the questions coming!
(f)
comments are very helpful as well!

Diamondbutch1
03-03-2009, 03:46 AM
*runs through singing*...Staying Alive....Staying Alive

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-03-2009, 04:05 AM
ty DB!....our new motto,lol
< BDSM symbol here>
Staying alive ...staying alive!
< Daddi girl symbol here >
(f);)(f)

Perkitty
03-07-2009, 12:14 PM
the basic understanding of bodily functions should be known i think....a persons normal breath patterns for one minute is between 16 being the normal low and 20 being the high for an adult..if the breathing exceeds these numbers or decreases beyond the lowest number, something is happening.

cool and clamy skin is a definite sign there is an issue...
rapid eye movement can be a sign of neuro issues
involuntary body < muscle > movement can be an issue
decrease in normal body color can be an issue
the thing is know thier medical history...cool and clamy could be low blood sugar could be cardiac!
body color could be cardiac
rapid breathing could be neuro and or cardiac....the list is endless
but all of these could be the norm while in an intense scene for some...
remember the two finger rule with restraints , restraining someone is not only with physical binds but also with mental binds...you dont have to restrict blood flow to serve that need! if a persons nail beds are blue < this is not good> circulation in the body is not a maybe it is have to!!!!!!
if the hands are cool to touch and the forearms are warm most likely the restraints are to damn tight!
thats one example
because of endorphine release with in the brain during recieving pain...the flesh can sometimes take extreme levels of pain...but the cardiac system may be over loaded check the heart rate if it exceeds what is typically normal for a particular sub during scene stop scene!
subspace typically lowers heart rates if it drops below what is normal for this particular sub stop scene!
normal heart rate for a healthy adult is between 64 and high would be 80....during scene heart rate is gonna at times be drastic up and down...if it exceeds what is normal for them stop scene!


you must know your submissive inside and out period!


a hand twitching for some and a low heart rate would and could be a sign of deep sub space, for sum it could mean impending diabetic coma....
D/s is not a game it can be a very serious issue if you don't heed warning signs... a Domme regardless of experience as far as r/t practice better know or else...educating oneself is a must...you don't just pick up a flogger and proceed to fulfill your needs without first knowing what the hell is going on!
before i allowed anyone to restrain me i read for almost three years
i educated myself!!!!!!
and i thought i knew it all,lol
sad to say i didn''t know shit...i was a victim because of the craving that we all know as submissive that overwhelming need.

thats why this thread is so important to me . i have the need to protect and educate as much as i can anyway. I still have alot to learn as we all do, this is not a right or wrong lifestyle, it takes time patience and educating oneself and every union is different But safety to me is the highest priority....


In my quest for info, asking questions and being told to go read something or find a website (this thread is awesome! :D)
I found websites that the sub or person being tied up = sub? her boobs/leg/arm is practically turning different colors and swelling and is obviously way too tight and wondering how much damage she will have from this.'session' .
also found websites where it is for lack of better term for me a 'game' of BDSM you can pay to have a room and actual have virtual characters and do a scene. Others can log on and pay to watch but not join without your permission. Do you actually use these sites? I don't think it would be the same as the real thing and don't think I personally would get anything out of it as it is not really happening not that I have ever done a scene before.
they also have people hanging upside down tied up and i know i personally would be light headed immediately not to say the affect/effect? it would have on my arms/legs holding the weight of my body. I wouldn't last very long.

The_Lady_Snow
03-07-2009, 12:17 PM
In my quest for info, asking questions and being told to go read something or find a website (this thread is awesome! :D)
I found websites that the sub or person being tied up = sub? her boobs/leg/arm is practically turning different colors and swelling and is obviously way too tight and wondering how much damage she will have from this.'session' .
also found websites where it is for lack of better term for me a 'game' of BDSM you can pay to have a room and actual have virtual characters and do a scene. Others can log on and pay to watch but not join without your permission. Do you actually use these sites? I don't think it would be the same as the real thing and don't think I personally would get anything out of it as it is not really happening not that I have ever done a scene before.
they also have people hanging upside down tied up and i know i personally would be light headed immediately not to say the affect/effect? it would have on my arms/legs holding the weight of my body. I wouldn't last very long.



This is where you need to make sure that during your negotiations you sit down or give the Dominant you are going to play with everything you can and can't do. Be it your health hazards your limititations, what you are comfortable with etc. As far as online playing, you are never going to feel the sting of a crop virtually just sayin'.

Perkitty
03-07-2009, 02:23 PM
Can you have a scene with one person? I don' t think I would be comfortable tied up and naked with a bunch of people looking at me....:$

The_Lady_Snow
03-07-2009, 02:46 PM
Can you have a scene with one person? I don' t think I would be comfortable tied up and naked with a bunch of people looking at me....:$

Yes, make sure it is someone you trust and you have set up negotiations and safe calls.

sunflower girl
03-07-2009, 03:09 PM
SNIP

the basic understanding of bodily functions should be known i think....a persons normal breath patterns for one minute is between 16 being the normal low and 20 being the high for an adult..if the breathing exceeds these numbers or decreases beyond the lowest number, something is happening.


hello to the luscious and beautiful Mrs. Day. i'm loving your thread and hope it has a long and healthy future. just wanted to chime in a tad and say, regarding the snippet of your excellent post as noted above, many people have much lower RoR than 16 breaths per minute. i'm a prime example, my average runs around 8 or 9 resp's per minute. and, when i'm experiencing lots of sensory input i tend to slow down my breathing so a not to get in the way of the experience. the endorphins work more efficiently that way too as you said, knowing the sub in detail is important.

kisses to you and yours,
sunly

Perkitty
03-08-2009, 10:04 PM
There are different titles used. Domme, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Lady, Master etc... I don't know if I listed all the titles-What if any is the difference between the titles?

RopeBurner
03-08-2009, 10:35 PM
Lest I be accused of not being "cooperative" with someone just asking a question, I won't say please do some research online via google or bdsm sites on the definition of terms. Again, we can only scratch the surface of some of your questions.

Dominants usually pair with submissives
Master/Mistresses with slaves
Daddy/Mommies with bois or girls

These are D/s (Dominante and submissive) relationships and they have unique characteristics to how they play out in 24/7 relationships or play relationships, or in the privacy of your bedroom.

Rope--

sharkchomp
03-08-2009, 10:42 PM
Could anyone direct me to some good BDSM websites?

Thanks
~~~shark~~~~~~~

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-09-2009, 07:51 PM
In my quest for info, asking questions and being told to go read something or find a website (this thread is awesome! :D)
I found websites that the sub or person being tied up = sub? her boobs/leg/arm is practically turning different colors and swelling and is obviously way too tight and wondering how much damage she will have from this.'session' .
also found websites where it is for lack of better term for me a 'game' of BDSM you can pay to have a room and actual have virtual characters and do a scene. Others can log on and pay to watch but not join without your permission. Do you actually use these sites? I don't think it would be the same as the real thing and don't think I personally would get anything out of it as it is not really happening not that I have ever done a scene before.
they also have people hanging upside down tied up and i know i personally would be light headed immediately not to say the affect/effect? it would have on my arms/legs holding the weight of my body. I wouldn't last very long.





I personally do not participate in group nudity and or scenes however i have had the pleasure of being permitted to observe at the side of my Sir of course some pretty talented ppl :}
As for the websites i take from some pretty reputable sources any information i duplicate is proof read and
proof read again for intelligible information to me this is not a game it is a lifestyle! Mine as well as some extended members of my chosen family whom i adore ...
Forgive me but when i read the part of your comments that focused on breast and body parts turniing blue and getting lighted headed i laughed out loud < so thank you for that laugh>,lol
Of course Bondage means just that bondage some very gifted Rope usage and instruments of restriction are used in Bondage ::: Bondage as you see being the operative and descriptor here ::::People find themselves or at least i do when bound traveling to different levels in their minds sometimes referred to sub space :ss:
As for parts turning different colors that would depend on the level of masochism and or sadistic tendencies of the two or more ppl involved : what thier specific needs are :general rule is "the two finger rule" do not use cuffs for instance that are tighter than that ( being able to get two fingers under the cuffs ) to insure proper circulation
smiles
Thank you for your post per !
I hope i helped answer some of your concerns or inquiry"s ....looking forward to your next post!
(f);)(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-09-2009, 07:56 PM
Could anyone direct me to some good BDSM websites?

Thanks
~~~shark~~~~~~~


Shark how bout some fishing this week ?
Ok
As for sites i have literally dozens upon dozens some of which i have included in this thread...here's one to start with...

i love this site!
A D/s Center: Basics Home Page (http://vanilla-not.com/basics/index.html)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-09-2009, 08:00 PM
hello to the luscious and beautiful Mrs. Day. i'm loving your thread and hope it has a long and healthy future. just wanted to chime in a tad and say, regarding the snippet of your excellent post as noted above, many people have much lower RoR than 16 breaths per minute. i'm a prime example, my average runs around 8 or 9 resp's per minute. and, when i'm experiencing lots of sensory input i tend to slow down my breathing so a not to get in the way of the experience. the endorphins work more efficiently that way too as you said, knowing the sub in detail is important.

kisses to you and yours,
sunly




Thats an uncommonly low resp. rate Sunflower dearest...I've been a nurse for more than twenty years and the only time i have come upon a person with that low of a RR is when they are routinely medicated with such as opiates or Morphine...don't get me wrong i know well that everyone is very different so i don't discount the possibilty at all!
But the point you made of knowing your submissive well is again as you made it so clear ( thank you ) very important!
(f)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-09-2009, 08:13 PM
There are different titles used. Domme, Daddy, Mommy, Syr, Lady, Master etc... I don't know if I listed all the titles-What if any is the difference between the titles?



Depnds on the couple or the union or ....
For instance my Sir is also my Daddi and my Domme and my lover partner lifemate and so on...In scene i would of course acknowlegde hym as Sir ie yes Sir no Sir as it pleases you Sir ...in everyday waking hours of my life "out of scene " i refer to hym as Sir as well and Daddi and hunny or bayeee...Hys role in our home encompasses many areas..just depends on what's up so to speak at the moment. Sometimes i even call hym by hys name,lol


I am Mommy only to our furbabies...I am submissive and hys girl 24/7...365...!
Oh and i do have boi's as friends...and one day hopefully we will have a live in boi ( only for domestic servitude and to be a member of our family ) no sexual connection at all...and My Sir has a boi who is a lifelong friend of hys but is hys boi as well...


make sense?
I have one very close family member friend who is
Femme/Daddy/Domme/Top
(f);)(f)
smiles

Oh and i also identify as a Lady.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-09-2009, 08:34 PM
Can you have a scene with one person? I don' t think I would be comfortable tied up and naked with a bunch of people looking at me....:$



Per alot of us are one on one unions ..what we do is done soley in the privacy of our own homes...alot of folks do public scenes for teaching purposes believe you me it takes time to develop skills of the trade and practice practice practice...you can't just pick up twenty needles and pierce someone without knowing what your doing. or a flogger and automatically know a figure eight. or where to flog and where not to for safety reasons and effect not to mention the different effects of say cow leather and horse or deer etc etc
This is why i began this thread so many people think this is a game it's far from it and there are alot of manipulative ppl not only online but elsewhere that say they are Dommes or what have you and are simply in it to provide themselves with personal slaves and such...BDSM is very real and very intimate a connection with someone that is so intense it can take your breath away....one of total trust and respect and yes love...a commitment for me for the rest of my life. I take it very seriously.

safety first !

Perkitty
03-09-2009, 08:52 PM
Thank you for your post per !
I hope i helped answer some of your concerns or inquiry"s ....looking forward to your next post!

(f);)(f)

Here it is!!! (drum roll :D)

So how do Dommes, Daddys, Ladys, Syrs all find and decide who they want. Do subs chose or do Dommes chose who they want to be with? I heard a comment about a sub maybe being passed on to another Domme-do they pass on subs? Would the sub have a say in it?

RopeBurner
03-09-2009, 11:07 PM
You know those in the leather community meet each other in the most ordinary ways, and we don't (unfortunately) just club bottoms over the head and drag them back to our cave. We meet as equals and decide if there's attraction, common interest, similar values and then move on to the negotiation of play or D/s or D/s and play.

I may lend my slave out for play or to serve someone but it's not a given that this will happen. And not everyone one feels comfortable doing that, it depends--some in leather relationships have monogamous ones that are not open to this or to their interest.

Rope--

sharkchomp
03-10-2009, 12:02 AM
Thanks for the site Lady! I'll definitely check it out. As far as fishing this weekend. I have plans for late Saturday afternoon and no plans for Sunday. What's the weather supposed to be like ? Is Sunday good for you, weather permitting?

~~~shark~~~~~~~

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-10-2009, 08:27 AM
You know those in the leather community meet each other in the most ordinary ways, and we don't (unfortunately) just club bottoms over the head and drag them back to our cave. We meet as equals and decide if there's attraction, common interest, similar values and then move on to the negotiation of play or D/s or D/s and play.

I may lend my slave out for play or to serve someone but it's not a given that this will happen. And not everyone one feels comfortable doing that, it depends--some in leather relationships have monogamous ones that are not open to this or to their interest.

Rope--


we don't club em,lol ?
strange!
:s
Thank you Rope for your contributions !

DAYWALKER
03-10-2009, 08:32 AM
Thanks for the site Lady! I'll definitely check it out. As far as fishing this weekend. I have plans for late Saturday afternoon and no plans for Sunday. What's the weather supposed to be like ? Is Sunday good for you, weather permitting?

~~~shark~~~~~~~


Slight Derail On
B-F


I PM'd you my cell phone number.
<:o)
Let go fishing.
:fishing:

Slight Derail Off
<:o)

:[

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-10-2009, 08:37 AM
Here it is!!! (drum roll :D)

So how do Dommes, Daddys, Ladys, Syrs all find and decide who they want. Do subs chose or do Dommes chose who they want to be with? I heard a comment about a sub maybe being passed on to another Domme-do they pass on subs? Would the sub have a say in it?



In my world monogomy is a must others do expand thier families to include more than one or two...
as for submissives having a say , yes we have a say !
thats where love comes into play...and if not love a mutual respect and understanding along with negotiations with a potential play partner..submissives do have choices per.. this is called a power exchange not a power rape!
I don't take this lifestyle lightly to me it's pretty serious buisness and most in this community have a taste for it from birth so if it doesn't suit your emotional and physical needs perhaps it's not for you!
It appears by your post, your really not at all familair with this lifestyle and forgive me for being blunt but here goes...as i said above to me this is a very real way of life NOT a joke or something i will humor being put to a bullshit test!
If you have serious inquiries i'll do my best to answer them with the help of the community but if it's a joke to you i prefer not to participate !
as Rope said clubs are out dated and we don't pass people around like pieces of meat!

Perkitty
03-10-2009, 05:51 PM
Excuse me but that comment was made (for passing on a sub to another was made on THIS site.

MidnightBlueEyes
03-10-2009, 08:06 PM
Lady Flamezzz THANK you so much for starting this thread. I have been reading and got through to Nov 9th LOL still have alot to read. I had a friend refer me to you and was going to send you a personal message when I happened upon a thread a newbie to the group started and was referred to this thread. What a GEM of a thread! I was introduced to the role of a submissive in my last relationship and was really interested in learning more however I was not allowed to pursue it. Her issue not mine but I understood. I would like to pursue it further and will probably PM you for advice later once I have read all of your posts. Your posts have helped me SO much!! I still have questions as to what I want but I can tell from you descriptions just where I feel I fit in. How wonderful to actually have a starting place!!!

I will be going back and reading the rest of your posts but I wanted to thank you now! :D

Toughy
03-11-2009, 02:05 PM
Here it is!!! (drum roll :D)

So how do Dommes, Daddys, Ladys, Syrs all find and decide who they want. Do subs chose or do Dommes chose who they want to be with? I heard a comment about a sub maybe being passed on to another Domme-do they pass on subs? Would the sub have a say in it?

I got a drum roll for you too..........and just to be clear.....that drum roll comment is probably not appropriate when wanting a serious answer. It looks and feels like this is a joke to you...........shrug........

Finding partners in the kink community is no different than finding partners outside the kink community. I go to 'target rich environments' and meet folks. It's mutual attraction and conversation. I negotiate on an equal basis, with the sub/bottom having equal say.

As to passing subs around. That only happens with the sub's consent. THIS IS A CONSENSUAL LIFE!!! Nothing happens except within the boundaries negotiated.




I was introduced to the role of a submissive in my last relationship and was really interested in learning more however I was not allowed to pursue it.

This is a HUGE red flag. A good Dominant/Top/Master will encourage their sub/bottom/slave to learn, attend classes/conferences and read books. The more knowledge the better partner. Isolating someone from learning makes me think of abuse.

There are a ton of books to read. If you check out some of the other BDSM threads you will find many listed.

Jay Wiseman's SM 101: A Realistic Introduction is a good starting place. The 2nd Edition has a new chapter in it.

MidnightBlueEyes
03-11-2009, 09:46 PM
This is a HUGE red flag. A good Dominant/Top/Master will encourage their sub/bottom/slave to learn, attend classes/conferences and read books. The more knowledge the better partner. Isolating someone from learning makes me think of abuse.

There are a ton of books to read. If you check out some of the other BDSM threads you will find many listed.

Jay Wiseman's SM 101: A Realistic Introduction is a good starting place. The 2nd Edition has a new chapter in it.

Thanks Toughy... thats what I thought as well. But I think it was more of issues from past relationships and not wanting to venture back into the Domme role although she opened that door and I now realize she shouldnt have only allowed what she wanted and not give me the opportunity to explore. Not sure she never explained... But I do agree and appreciate your insight..

sunflower girl
03-12-2009, 12:27 PM
Thats an uncommonly low resp. rate Sunflower dearest...I've been a nurse for more than twenty years and the only time i have come upon a person with that low of a RR is when they are routinely medicated with such as opiates or Morphine...don't get me wrong i know well that everyone is very different so i don't discount the possibilty at all!
But the point you made of knowing your submissive well is again as you made it so clear ( thank you ) very important!
(f)


well, i was always the poster child for atypical vital signs in class. (i do love being the odd girl out, after all.) maybe i'm an opiate in my own right Mrs. Day! or perhaps i have liquid morphine rather than blood? coolio! let's do some qualitative experimentation. i figure, we get some One deliciously dark to bite me in earnest. if the He passes out, then we may have our answer!!! :become-evil:

cecilia
03-13-2009, 06:35 PM
I have read descriptions of families where some members are called "pets". Does anyone know what this refers to and how it is different from other roles?

musicfemme
03-13-2009, 08:26 PM
I have read descriptions of families where some members are called "pets". Does anyone know what this refers to and how it is different from other roles?

Some people like playing the role of, or identify as, a pet (animal). Common ones would be: puppy, pony, kitten. A puppy might wear a collar and leash (though that is not restricted to puppies), sleep in a crate, eat food and water out of bowls on the floor, etc.. Most of the time a submissive role. I've never heard of a Dominant pet but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

I would think the difference from other roles would be obvious, though there can be lots of overlap.

I've also heard Dominants refer to their submissive as a "pet" to mean sort of like a play thing with no status.

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-13-2009, 11:02 PM
Excuse me but that comment was made (for passing on a sub to another was made on THIS site.


If i saw it i'm sure i responded close to the same way...if not i'd be surprised at myself!
So not in this thread , right?
Everyone has a right to explore this lifestyle their own way. what I want to offer here is maybe some hints on safety and a very basic guide to submission and even the roles of Domme's who have graced this thread with thier presence. We all are here as a community to offer support and guidance . This is a very real way of life and in my so call circle For myself, i would be offended to the highest degree if my gift where passed around so to speak!
Others do practice scenes with others after intense negotiations hopefully and references possibly ... but the true honor of being devoted to One is what gives me my high.
Because this to me is a role of pride destinction, loyalty to one Domme perserverance submission power exchange of my soul ,delivering every heart beat as a gift to hym to control , i guess i take it a bit ,more serious than some. But when i kneel before My Sir I take it very seriously i don't think i could gift that part of me to anyone else much less several just because ...my point is , while some may play...many don't!

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-13-2009, 11:07 PM
I got a drum roll for you too..........and just to be clear.....that drum roll comment is probably not appropriate when wanting a serious answer. It looks and feels like this is a joke to you...........shrug........

Finding partners in the kink community is no different than finding partners outside the kink community. I go to 'target rich environments' and meet folks. It's mutual attraction and conversation. I negotiate on an equal basis, with the sub/bottom having equal say.

As to passing subs around. That only happens with the sub's consent. THIS IS A CONSENSUAL LIFE!!! Nothing happens except within the boundaries negotiated.





This is a HUGE red flag. A good Dominant/Top/Master will encourage their sub/bottom/slave to learn, attend classes/conferences and read books. The more knowledge the better partner. Isolating someone from learning makes me think of abuse.

There are a ton of books to read. If you check out some of the other BDSM threads you will find many listed.

Jay Wiseman's SM 101: A Realistic Introduction is a good starting place. The 2nd Edition has a new chapter in it.


Than k you so much Toughy.....very good advice and welcomed support !!!
Educating yourself is a must!

Diamondbutch1
03-14-2009, 04:27 AM
If I may Lady Flamezzz......A piece of advice for those beginning, the smoothest and fastest way to the knowledge others have to offer is plan and simple. Respect,be respectful. Ones attempt with humour or sence of ha ha in writing may not come across as such . Just something to keep in mind. Serious questions get serious answers.

Toughy
03-14-2009, 08:08 AM
I have read descriptions of families where some members are called "pets". Does anyone know what this refers to and how it is different from other roles?

They are generally known as 'furries'. As musicfemme said it's about taking on the role of an animal. Here in the SF Bay Area, they do fox hunts a couple of times a year.....complete with a fox, dogs, and ponies with their human handlers. These critters are all people playing an animal role. Sex may or may not happen with this kind of play, as with any kind of play.

Here is a link to a 'Furry Convention' being held in Atlanta this weekend: http://furryweekend.com/

google 'furries' and 'pony play' and you will be surprised at the number of links you will find.

The_Lady_Snow
03-14-2009, 08:41 AM
On occasion I have referred to those who have served me and those I have in service now as pets.. It's a cutesy name I use, I can assure you none of them have been furries. ;)

Toughy
03-14-2009, 10:01 AM
On occasion I have referred to those who have served me and those I have in service now as pets.. It's a cutesy name I use, I can assure you none of them have been furries. ;)

and then there are Lady Snow's kind of pets........;:o

------


<snip>
Others do practice scenes with others after intense negotiations hopefully and references possibly ... but the true honor of being devoted to One is what gives me my high.

<snip>

But when i kneel before My Sir I take it very seriously i don't think i could gift that part of me to anyone else much less several just because ...my point is , while some may play...many don't!

I don't think you mean to imply one-on-one/monogamous arrangements are 'more serious' that group/poly arrangements....that group play/scene entails less of a gift of submission....that play is somehow better when it is one on one.....

DAYWALKER
03-14-2009, 10:36 AM
and then there are Lady Snow's kind of pets........;:o

------



I don't think you mean to imply one-on-one/monogamous arrangements are 'more serious' that group/poly arrangements....that group play/scene entails less of a gift of submission....that play is somehow better when it is one on one.....


I know for a fact she does not view it this way.

What we have together...gives her the 'high' she seeks.
(z)(x)

It is her personal expression of honor, and does not in the least indicate
that one is more 'serious' than the other.

In fact, we enjoy watching group scene/play together.
;)

There is just such a beauty to the energy of it all.
(y)

:[

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-14-2009, 10:54 AM
Lady Flamezzz THANK you so much for starting this thread. I have been reading and got through to Nov 9th LOL still have alot to read. I had a friend refer me to you and was going to send you a personal message when I happened upon a thread a newbie to the group started and was referred to this thread. What a GEM of a thread! I was introduced to the role of a submissive in my last relationship and was really interested in learning more however I was not allowed to pursue it. Her issue not mine but I understood. I would like to pursue it further and will probably PM you for advice later once I have read all of your posts. Your posts have helped me SO much!! I still have questions as to what I want but I can tell from you descriptions just where I feel I fit in. How wonderful to actually have a starting place!!!

I will be going back and reading the rest of your posts but I wanted to thank you now! :D




You have no Idea how much this post and heart felt words mean to me, this is why i began this thread to help...Novice submissives and Dommes should they so choose to participate....Today is my birthday and i will carry this post with me all through my day!!!
(f)(f)(f)

Thank you so much!!!!!

*~Sassy*~
03-14-2009, 11:03 AM
Ms DayFlamezzzzzzzzzzz


You gift many of us with your words and expertise.. what you say is from your heart..

( You KNOW we are much alike in many regards )

I take from you what i need or what would be helpful to me,
the rest I leave on the page .

Please know your words are important, and heard. (f)


and Happy Birthday !!! (g)(g)(g)(g)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-16-2009, 11:47 AM
(y)
Ms DayFlamezzzzzzzzzzz


You gift many of us with your words and expertise.. what you say is from your heart..

( You KNOW we are much alike in many regards )

I take from you what i need or what would be helpful to me,
the rest I leave on the page .

Please know your words are important, and heard. (f)


and Happy Birthday !!! (g)(g)(g)(g)


ya know Sassy that's exactly what i want folks to do...take what they need or want and leave the rest on the page...i like that!
(y)
My way may not be for everyone and guess what...It's not suppose to be.
(y)
so i thank you for this post!
(g)

LADY FLAMEZZZ
03-16-2009, 12:15 PM
I recently had a request for information on how to go about changing the dynamics of a relationship from D/g to D/s or to incorporate more masochist dynamics. I guess i'm not sure exactly to explain it...( hope this helps i am in hopes others jump in to assist!)


Masochist defined...

1. The condition in which sexual gratification depends on suffering, physical pain, and humiliation.
2.gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.
3.the act of turning one's destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.
the tendency to find pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness

As for submissive postitions we do take on different levels of pain derived from different tools of the trade... my self I accept pain on my body because that is what i use to transcend to another plain, it's not the pain that i enjoy or seek as it is the mind space that the pain delievers me to...much like a hypnosis as the pain ceases or grows dimmer my mind takes that to a different place ...ok , how do i explain this...


for example take a pair of nipple clamps put them on leave them on for say 15 seconds < i know thats not long but it's long enuff to get what i'm saying,lol > now the pain you feel while they are on get that st8 in your head , then take them off quickly...the pain you feel is very different like a cresendo of relief...that's what i use to lead me there < subspace> and that's what i crave!
To incorporate this into your life i don't think would be that difficult, for us it was very natural...Daddi is also my Sir so for us the two went hand in hand so to speak...
It involves educating yourself's on the different types of domination first then sit down and discuss what it is you need to achieve from this lifestyle...

i will post in my next post the different types of dominates right now i have to think about this some more...(h)