TCB123
08-09-2008, 05:27 PM
If I can pinpoint one positive thing that has come out of my relationships over the years, it would be gaining new knowledge about myself. Knowledge that I always closed my eyes to. These things that just smack me across the face every time and I STILL refused to pay any attention.
Love is blinding to say the least, even when you clearly see things about your partner that just aren't good for you.
At this point in my life I've really taken the time to dive deep into my thoughts and emotions. Things that irritate me, make me happy, sad, annoyed,insecure etc.
I'm really forcing myself to. If I don't I will always be in a "regressed state" within myself, therefore cheating myself of what I want and deserve in my life.
To acknowledge these things, it's also helping me in my quest to be a better partner, boyfriend, and/or future husband.
I have had the great experience of learning all about "emotional regression" from extensive talk with my therapist and through an awesome book called
"Growing yourself back up" written by John Lee.
This is a read that I would recommend to anybody and everybody. I think I've learned more from understanding emotional regression then I ever have in my entire existence. It's such a basic psychological occurence that nobody pays any attention to. We tend to visit psychiatrists and psychologists expecting them to fix our problems or have them prescribe us drugs to make our issues go away.
In reality, we just need to take the time to look within ourselves. Look at our behaviors, patterns and interactions with people...and why we do what we do. Where does it come from?
* How do you act when you end a relationship?
* Your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse critisizes you
* Visit family for family functions
* Your boss calls you into his/her office
etc....
"Regression is what happens to us when, emotionally, we leave the present moment. By contrast, staying present with yourself, your partner, your children, friends, colleagues, and boss means that, emotionally, you are completely in the here and now, and that a small part of you is neither wandering over the hills and valleys of your past nor trying to predict the future. While staying present is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others, it is much easier said than done."
"When we regress, we go from being clear thinking adults to talking, acting, and sometimes even looking like children who are not getting their way. We feel powerless and out of control, as if we don't have choices. We think we know what others need, but at the moment we can't say what we ourselves need. As we regress, we fall back toward an earlier time in life, usually childhood. When this happens, we very often think that others are being childish...."
"When you regress, you slip into past ways of perceiving, feeling, and thinking that make you unable to see all of the choices available to you in the present. You probably regress because you are feeling unsafe, an experience that many of us felt as children. You might also feel as if forces greater than yourself are in control, and that you have no choice but to follow someone else's moods, whims, feelings, and directions. Another trigger for regression is feeling that someone important is abandoning you, when in fact regression is really your abandoning of your mature adult self."
Unfortunately we are sometimes led to believe that "the past should be left in the past," and to "let sleeping dogs lie."
The reality of it is that we need to look deep within ourselves and into our past. Our childhood, our relationships, friendships, etc. After all, where did we learn to be who we are? Did we just wake up this morning and decide that we were going to be jealous of something that our partner did or didn't do? That we were going to let our mother or father tells us what to do when we are well into our adulthood and should be able to make our own choices?
"The ability to truly understand and identify emotional regression will transform, and perhaps even save, our jobs, relationships, friendships, marriages-and even our lives. While we cannot get ourselves to a place where we will "never regress again." we can learn how to recognize it, embrace it, and manage it, becoming more compassionate with others and ourselves"
I guess the questions I have for any of you who are willing to provide their input are:
-Do you have any knowledge or understanding of what emotional regression is all about?
- Have you any particular experiences or behaviors that you may be able to relate back to your childhood?
- Has your own emotional regression contributed on a high level to the downfall of your relationships or friendships, employment, etc....
- Have you mistaken "falling in love" with someone simply because of hidden regression you have within yourself. Falling in love can be the greatest of all regressions. We may fall back into the arms of a good mother; we decent into a comfort of our past. This is when "love is blind," and why it feels so good at first......because this person is providing us with a need or comfort we desire, and we choose to ignore the things about them that just don't make us happy.
Any input from anybody here would be interesting to learn about. I am not in the slightest claiming I'm an expert on emotional regression. I am in fact a student of this psychological state and intrigued as to other people's experiences.
I can say that learning more about regression, that I have been able to understand myself better and seek help to those issues that I hide inside myself. Those problems that have helped contribute to the destruction and downfall of my own relationships. I am a student to my own being, and there is nothing that I want more than to be sensitive to my partner and myself, so that I can be a better lover and friend.
More importantly, I want to learn to be able to 'grow myself back up' and look at things from an adult and healthy perspective.
Please, share your input :)
Love is blinding to say the least, even when you clearly see things about your partner that just aren't good for you.
At this point in my life I've really taken the time to dive deep into my thoughts and emotions. Things that irritate me, make me happy, sad, annoyed,insecure etc.
I'm really forcing myself to. If I don't I will always be in a "regressed state" within myself, therefore cheating myself of what I want and deserve in my life.
To acknowledge these things, it's also helping me in my quest to be a better partner, boyfriend, and/or future husband.
I have had the great experience of learning all about "emotional regression" from extensive talk with my therapist and through an awesome book called
"Growing yourself back up" written by John Lee.
This is a read that I would recommend to anybody and everybody. I think I've learned more from understanding emotional regression then I ever have in my entire existence. It's such a basic psychological occurence that nobody pays any attention to. We tend to visit psychiatrists and psychologists expecting them to fix our problems or have them prescribe us drugs to make our issues go away.
In reality, we just need to take the time to look within ourselves. Look at our behaviors, patterns and interactions with people...and why we do what we do. Where does it come from?
* How do you act when you end a relationship?
* Your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse critisizes you
* Visit family for family functions
* Your boss calls you into his/her office
etc....
"Regression is what happens to us when, emotionally, we leave the present moment. By contrast, staying present with yourself, your partner, your children, friends, colleagues, and boss means that, emotionally, you are completely in the here and now, and that a small part of you is neither wandering over the hills and valleys of your past nor trying to predict the future. While staying present is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others, it is much easier said than done."
"When we regress, we go from being clear thinking adults to talking, acting, and sometimes even looking like children who are not getting their way. We feel powerless and out of control, as if we don't have choices. We think we know what others need, but at the moment we can't say what we ourselves need. As we regress, we fall back toward an earlier time in life, usually childhood. When this happens, we very often think that others are being childish...."
"When you regress, you slip into past ways of perceiving, feeling, and thinking that make you unable to see all of the choices available to you in the present. You probably regress because you are feeling unsafe, an experience that many of us felt as children. You might also feel as if forces greater than yourself are in control, and that you have no choice but to follow someone else's moods, whims, feelings, and directions. Another trigger for regression is feeling that someone important is abandoning you, when in fact regression is really your abandoning of your mature adult self."
Unfortunately we are sometimes led to believe that "the past should be left in the past," and to "let sleeping dogs lie."
The reality of it is that we need to look deep within ourselves and into our past. Our childhood, our relationships, friendships, etc. After all, where did we learn to be who we are? Did we just wake up this morning and decide that we were going to be jealous of something that our partner did or didn't do? That we were going to let our mother or father tells us what to do when we are well into our adulthood and should be able to make our own choices?
"The ability to truly understand and identify emotional regression will transform, and perhaps even save, our jobs, relationships, friendships, marriages-and even our lives. While we cannot get ourselves to a place where we will "never regress again." we can learn how to recognize it, embrace it, and manage it, becoming more compassionate with others and ourselves"
I guess the questions I have for any of you who are willing to provide their input are:
-Do you have any knowledge or understanding of what emotional regression is all about?
- Have you any particular experiences or behaviors that you may be able to relate back to your childhood?
- Has your own emotional regression contributed on a high level to the downfall of your relationships or friendships, employment, etc....
- Have you mistaken "falling in love" with someone simply because of hidden regression you have within yourself. Falling in love can be the greatest of all regressions. We may fall back into the arms of a good mother; we decent into a comfort of our past. This is when "love is blind," and why it feels so good at first......because this person is providing us with a need or comfort we desire, and we choose to ignore the things about them that just don't make us happy.
Any input from anybody here would be interesting to learn about. I am not in the slightest claiming I'm an expert on emotional regression. I am in fact a student of this psychological state and intrigued as to other people's experiences.
I can say that learning more about regression, that I have been able to understand myself better and seek help to those issues that I hide inside myself. Those problems that have helped contribute to the destruction and downfall of my own relationships. I am a student to my own being, and there is nothing that I want more than to be sensitive to my partner and myself, so that I can be a better lover and friend.
More importantly, I want to learn to be able to 'grow myself back up' and look at things from an adult and healthy perspective.
Please, share your input :)