the letter to your stalker thread

[BCtboi]

ok...i didn't know where to stick this one but i think this forum fits. i kinda figure that your own private idaho is a cross between fun, fluff topics and um...where does that go?

for all of you who have or had stalkers, this is a place where you can right a letter to them...or just get things off your chest.


To whatever identity you choose to assume today,

i am so sick of you calling me at 12 am...1 am 2 am. i'm sick of you calling me period! get the hint and leave me alone! i did at one point think that you were a cool person, until you started making up all these different identities online...now i have no idea who you really are...but i really don't care. i just want to be left alone.

i don't like you, and i never will like you. you are a fake. you need to figure out who you are and stop making up all these different people. if you want people to like you, you need to stop that shit and be yourself. trust me...people will be more inclined to be your friend if you cut the bullshit.

i wish you luck in all your future endevours, but please leave me alone and stop calling me...at least until you are willing to admit who you are.

bc

[BrainyFemme]

how creepy and sad you are?

How incredibly difficult it is for me not to message you and say...

Ya know...I DON'T follow you around snickering (and goodness knows you give me SO much to snicker about), do I?

If I don't post on a thread...guess what??? I don't read it. Cause it usually means it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS

OR

people there are boring.

Thank you...

and, all yall BrainyHaters...we are taking up a collection in the confessional to get yall some therapy and meds. Maybe you can get a group rate!

p.s. Good thread, baby boy!

[BCtboi]

how creepy and sad you are?

How incredibly difficult it is for me not to message you and say...

Ya know...I DON'T follow you around snickering (and goodness knows you give me SO much to snicker about), do I?

If I don't post on a thread...guess what??? I don't read it. Cause it usually means it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS

OR

people there are boring.

Thank you...

and, all yall BrainyHaters...we are taking up a collection in the confessional to get yall some therapy and meds. Maybe you can get a group rate!

p.s. Good thread, baby boy!
*tryin to look all tuff...hoping to scare off Brainy's stalker*

[motleycruiser]

Dear flippin wack job,

If I wouldnt give you the time of day under the first 2 names you were under what exactly makes you think I will when you have changed it for the third time? And please do not insult me by acting like you are all buddy buddy with my friends. Do you really think we wouldnt talk or what.




With "love",
The bitch who will stay a bitch because you creep me out

[BCtboi]

omg...get a clue you fucker!!!!!!!!

i made this thread for YOU...and you are still PMing me? get off my back dude...

[Jar]

This post is not about one person in particular, but rather several people that I know or have known in the past…..

I am so angry that I could spit nails and I have to vent, so this thread seems appropriate. It's an older thread and I really hope it revives the topic, because I don't think it can be talked about enough.

I currently know FOUR women who live in fear because they are being stalked ... not on a thread, not on the internet, but in real life. One moved 3000 miles away over a year ago to escape her stalker and tried her best to keep her location a secret, only to find him standing on her doorstep this morning. I got an email from her today and she's terrified for her life. It’s only the latest incident that I’ve experienced and the one that prompted this post.

Women who are stalked can't go to work without fear of a scene from some raging lunatic screaming at the top of his lungs ... one woman took her 4 year old son and moved out of their house with no place to go, no money, nothing, because she was so afraid he was going to kill them both and he refused to leave ... he still stalks them daily .... one gave up her job, her home, her friends, her life and moved across the country .... some can't go to anything socially without fear of being watched or harassed and God forbid should they talk to someone else ... no telling what that would bring ... there's constant phone calls, emails, text messages, showing up when least expected, threats to kill her, threats to kill himself, refusing to take no for an answer, ranting, raving, begging, crying, hysterics, screaming, waving knives….you name it.

So to the stalker, and yea, you know who you are (each one of you) ... tell me ... what kind of perverted pleasure do you get out of terrifying a woman to the point of panic just by the site of you? Do you think if you terrify her long enough that you'll eventually drive her to a nervous breakdown and then she'll realize how much she truly loves you and become yours forever? How do you live with all this anger in you and why? HELLO....there's help. Do you give any thought to the fact that she will become strong enough one day to take herself and your children away so that you'll never see them again? Do you love her and your kids so much that you want to see them on the street or if you happen to have had a shred of compassion and let them live in their house, do you love them enough to keep them terrified every waking moment?

Do you know how it feels to be afraid all the time? Afraid to walk on the street, to answer your phone, to look at your cell phone and see 'that' number over and over…one call after the other? Do you know what it's like to be totally disrespected about everything in your life? Do you know what it feels like to have everything you say ignored? It makes you feel invisible, it takes away your dignity, it eats away at your confidence and self respect. Is this how much you love her?

Have you ever even heard mentioned the terms self respect or honor, what about love? I didn’t grow up with a perfect life either, but somehow I did learn about love, compassion, respect and the difference between love and obsession. I learned how to accept and let go even when it’s the hardest thing to do.

If a woman says no, it means NO….whether it means she doesn’t want to have sex, doesn’t want the last pork chop, doesn’t like your haircut …. It means NO. If she says she doesn’t want you, pick your pride up off the floor, deal with the pain and walk the %@#* away! If things can’t be worked out, if she doesn’t love you, doesn’t want you … whatever reason … leave her alone! Get help and learn to live some kind of normal life. History has proven that nothing good will ever be gained by trying to force a woman into anything .... learn from it pal.

[SweetBlueDiva43]

This post is not about one person in particular, but rather several people that I know or have known in the past…..

I am so angry that I could spit nails and I have to vent, so this thread seems appropriate. It's an older thread and I really hope it revives the topic, because I don't think it can be talked about enough.

I currently know FOUR women who live in fear because they are being stalked ... not on a thread, not on the internet, but in real life. One moved 3000 miles away over a year ago to escape her stalker and tried her best to keep her location a secret, only to find him standing on her doorstep this morning. I got an email from her today and she's terrified for her life. It’s only the latest incident that I’ve experienced and the one that prompted this post.

Women who are stalked can't go to work without fear of a scene from some raging lunatic screaming at the top of his lungs ... one woman took her 4 year old son and moved out of their house with no place to go, no money, nothing, because she was so afraid he was going to kill them both and he refused to leave ... he still stalks them daily .... one gave up her job, her home, her friends, her life and moved across the country .... some can't go to anything socially without fear of being watched or harassed and God forbid should they talk to someone else ... no telling what that would bring ... there's constant phone calls, emails, text messages, showing up when least expected, threats to kill her, threats to kill himself, refusing to take no for an answer, ranting, raving, begging, crying, hysterics, screaming, waving knives….you name it.

So to the stalker, and yea, you know who you are (each one of you) ... tell me ... what kind of perverted pleasure do you get out of terrifying a woman to the point of panic just by the site of you? Do you think if you terrify her long enough that you'll eventually drive her to a nervous breakdown and then she'll realize how much she truly loves you and become yours forever? How do you live with all this anger in you and why? HELLO....there's help. Do you give any thought to the fact that she will become strong enough one day to take herself and your children away so that you'll never see them again? Do you love her and your kids so much that you want to see them on the street or if you happen to have had a shred of compassion and let them live in their house, do you love them enough to keep them terrified every waking moment?

Do you know how it feels to be afraid all the time? Afraid to walk on the street, to answer your phone, to look at your cell phone and see 'that' number over and over…one call after the other? Do you know what it's like to be totally disrespected about everything in your life? Do you know what it feels like to have everything you say ignored? It makes you feel invisible, it takes away your dignity, it eats away at your confidence and self respect. Is this how much you love her?

Have you ever even heard mentioned the terms self respect or honor, what about love? I didn’t grow up with a perfect life either, but somehow I did learn about love, compassion, respect and the difference between love and obsession. I learned how to accept and let go even when it’s the hardest thing to do.

If a woman says no, it means NO….whether it means she doesn’t want to have sex, doesn’t want the last pork chop, doesn’t like your haircut …. It means NO. If she says she doesn’t want you, pick your pride up off the floor, deal with the pain and walk the %@#* away! If things can’t be worked out, if she doesn’t love you, doesn’t want you … whatever reason … leave her alone! Get help and learn to live some kind of normal life. History has proven that nothing good will ever be gained by trying to force a woman into anything .... learn from it pal.

Jar.....i cannot tell you how eloquent your letter to the stalker has touched my heart......but i can tell you that this type of understanding of this behavior is most noticed by those of us who adore bootch wimmen like you.

I have been stalked in my life....i have been raped and left for dead in my life.....i know the fear and terror the stalker imposes on their victim.

i am proud of you for writing out your thoughts and feelings here.

One time ..year before last.....it was my treat to be escorted to a dance here in the valley.....by a friend. That night...this friend told me that they noticed someone was stalking me.....almost at once...i was afraid for my life.

When a person has been stalked...or violated in anyway that is beyond the norms of lifes code of conduct and decorum......it never leaves you. I can attest to that personally. Even worse is when the perpetrator gas lights you and tries to make you feel as if you're the one that is violating them...when they are the ones violating you.

i will keep your lady friends in prayer....although i am not religious...i am spiritual......and i feel that the creator of our universe cares for our safety...

Thankyou for helping our community to "take back the night or day" by exposing these ppl for the perps that they are.....

many hugs to you Jar...

[hollylewya]

Dear Stalker Freak,

You scared me at hello

Then you had your friends call me, because you knew I wouldn't answer the phone for you

Then you insisted we meet, so you could prove you aren't nuts (our meeting only worsened your case)

Then you got skeeved out by the whole butch-femme thing

The next day you signed up here claiming to be the hella-femme and claiming to love butches

Then you followed me around the city and this site

Then you bitched me out in a thread, because you wanted the attention

When I bitched you out better, you PM'd me to apologize and tell me again that you're really NOT nuts

Then you PM'd Mahhh Woman, and THAT pissed me off...BAD

Then you suddenly disappeared

I hope you don't return

I will always think you're nuts...there's just no changing that

You scared me at hello and your disappearance is a godsend


The Reverend

[Femfare]

I realize after reading these posts that they are cathartic and serve a release purpose (which is great) but they also are giving a stalker just what they are looking for. You are giving them attention (negative attention is still attention to them) and you are providing the drama they wish you to be living with due to their behavior(s).

Most stalkers love the idea that you are creeping them out, are living in fear, afraid of them or potentially what they may or can do, and lastly, you still have them in your life (again, in that negative way but nonetheless they are still effecting you)...

The best thing you can do if you are being stalked or harassed in any way is to ignore and avoid them. Yes, take all action available by way of law enforcement, legal, or other venues but do not engage them. Engaging them equals just what they want. And any attention is good attention.

This thread is just that. You have immortalized them and also have made them very public, giving them way more attention then their sorry, pathetic asses deserve.

[FemNLeatherNLace]

~Dear stalker/s (l) ...

C'mere ... c'mon ....... out of the shadows ... *peek-a-boo* ....silly c'mere .... *pats chair next to me* .... now don't be so lurky ... i'm harmless ... really ... truly ... i don't imagine anyone does anything with such passion and dedication for no reason. So, perhaps if we chit chat ... i can help you along with your ummmm... stalker project? i have to admit i will miss you a little if we are able to solve your issues and you go away... i have kinda gotten used to you hangin' around ... (l) i wonder if you wouldn't mind... coordinating with my other stalkers? Ya know cuz you can't always be around and perhaps you all can get together and set up some sort of stalker schedule? That way i can always have stalker coverage (l) *kiss kiss* tyty... well i'm off to work now .... but then :o you prolly already know that.... silly me... my apologies muchkins for not being very prolific in my posting lately... do they have a 'Stalkee Timeshare' program maybe :s ???.... well anyways...tootles sweetcheeks... Have a good day... (l)


Sincerely,

~ (l) me (l) ~

[chey]

It seems more and more women find themselves at the hands of a stalker. Many stalked victims end up,being more then stalked,many face,trauma's,at the hands of this monster,and many also find dealth.Our great system,that should offer each and every women the same protection under the law,will find,that women who are victimized by other women,will not get the same help as those whom just recieve this attention from males,and even there,many loop holes are found,such as lower class,station of life,race,etc.

There is also another group of stalkers,one that many do not know about,it is the stalking that is done within your own home.These do end in rapes,sexual trauma,fear,loss of childhood,suicide attemps,drug use,etc.

I have had the misfortune,to have both.
I have feared being in my own home,I feared,hearing the dreaded words,"your uncle is coming for a visit"then,it mattered not where I hid or ran to,he was there,even within the house,no place was safe,no place could I hide,the face always found me,and when he did...................soon,I learned how to pretend,I was not there,I guess I did my job well,for now,when I wish to confront all my demon's,just so I could remember what my life was like between the age of 4 thru 16,I can't,I knew the horror's,was there any joy'?Then to further my great home life,I suddenly had an older brother,my first thought is who is he,and why now,but being the women I knew that bore me,who had a thing for booze and men,I'm sure they would be more.So he moved in,complete with anger,because he did not want too,the women who raised him,his grandmother came to,and she thought the world of him,I saw more trouble.And soon.
I never was a child anymore,I now had two nightmares within my home,do they stalk,yes.....
My love,knew the hell I lived,hy gave me back my youth,by letting me be,something that I never was,hy use to get angry(at them),when hy would ask me,if I knew silly childhood games,and I would only look at hym and wonder what games...I was in my late 30's,and just learning the games you played when you was a child.
To protect me from them,we never let anyone within this family know where I am,not a single soul,not even my own son,because,they were still aound,The day after the service's for my beloved,hys father,forgot this,and did give out my where abouts(16 + years of hiding),so now,I get the calls,notes,and the info,that my brother is really trying to find me.I don't answer my home phone.....and to change it right now is not my option,hate to loose connection with insurance co.I look out before I leave my home,because they now know where I live.....

I also knew the fear of being stalked by a total stranger,that followed me from one job after the other,he was what I refered to as a wanna-be pimp,he wanted me to work for him,I do not think so...but he too caught up with me,it took months to recover from that attack,and the fear,that you taste within your mouth,when your stalker does find you,is one,no women should ever have to taste,EVER.

WE need to have better governed laws
that gives ALL women pretection,regardless if her stalker be a male or a female,relations or a total stranger,being stalked is being stalked.....you cannot mince the words apart.our law makers need to realize,this is a growing appedemic,that women live in fear to leave their homes,that they fear to live.Any person who is a stalker,should be imprisoned.We need to stand firm on the fact,that being stalked how ever simple or severe the case may be,it is still against the law,and that law is there for each and every women.If your local authorities do not listen,go above their heads,install an order of protection,go to your nearest help organization/shelter,many of these places can help you obtain the necessary documents to protect you,and yes,I know it is only a piece of paper,and you may,think it a worthless piece of paper,but it can help,with this,it is the start of giving you a fighting chance to stop your stalker.

[Femfare]

FemNLeather,

I say this with respect but I guess I don't understand your post. If it is tonque and cheek, I don't find it funny as stalking is not funny. It is not to be taken lightly either.

Stalking is a form of harassment that can be lethal. I would also argue that most victims and survivors of stalkers live in a hell called "living" and sometimes is even worse that death.

[FemNLeatherNLace]

Femfare...

With all due respect and in sincerity... i know very well the seriousness of stalking. I have been stalked both by strangers and not strangers in r/t. I have been inside my home alone and with small children at times when they decided to invade my home and break in. One of these continued his harrassment for years and helped me learn firsthand the experience of a 24 prison...where i always felt the need to look over my shoulder and never knew...if this day or night would be one of the times he broke in beat and raped me and got away with it YET again...i had a 6 year reprieve when he was later later convicted of Manslaughter (he cut a deal) after killing someone and dumping their body off a ravine. And, very recently i dealt with rape, and not for the first time.


I know full well that stalkers can range from mildly annoying to fatally serious. My post was tongue in cheek and i do apologize if it offended you. It was directed to the simple confusing and somewhat annoying stalkers who simply follow around online. Do they have the potential to be more serious absolutely. But my post was directed to the more juvenile behavior of some...or perhaps not so juvenile. Perhaps there are valid reason in another's mind to obssessively read the writings of another. In any event..my post was meant to show ..i truly harbor no ill will to that group and if perhaps a talk may relieve some issues..i'd be more than happy. The sarcasm...well that's just genetic for me... Again i apologize and in no way meant to make light of the very serious side of this issue. I was simply responding in kind to the tone of my Ya-Ya's reason for posting this thread. To be verbal, and to say carry on i will not let you affect me...

~In peace FemN...

[Femfare]

Thanks for that but it did not personally offend me...I didn't understand the point or purpose of the tonque and check as the topic seemed rather serious and from what people wrote, disturbing and serious. I am sorry that you have been involved with such and have been sexually assualted as well. I just probably wouldn't write something tongue and cheek about being raped if I came to a thread such as this one but talking about rape and rapists.

But, that's just me. I appreciate your response.

[AscotButch]

Well, Jar, your post was certainly heartfelt and full of many good points. For that I commend you. The thing is, those of us who are relatively stable read that sort of thing and think, ''Damn, yeah, okay, maybe I was a bit pushy, gungho, whatever. I'll back off." Stalkers, however, are not among those I'd remotely label as stable. They don't have in place the social and psychological mechanisms that enable them to see that what they are doing is wrong, hurtful and frightening. On the contrary, I'd venture to say that they probably think that what they are doing is giving affection, and in some warped way, demonstrative of caring. Fucked up, I know. The perception is that, ''I know if I can just get her to talk to me, look at me, think about me, I'll have an in and then there's no way she won't want to be with me''. The notion that sitting in one's car outside someone's house at 3 a.m. is nothing unusual is weird to most of us, sure...but if you're a whack job, hey, it makes perfect sense. Telling these people that there's help out there is tantamount to shouting into a void. They don't think they need help, they just need the attention of the stalkee.

To all who are currently in the throes of dealing with a stalker, I wish you the best of luck. To those who have had to deal with them in the past, I'm sorry you had to go through it.
peace,
Lis~

[scentsofautumn]

I realize after reading these posts that they are cathartic and serve a release purpose (which is great) but they also are giving a stalker just what they are looking for. You are giving them attention (negative attention is still attention to them) and you are providing the drama they wish you to be living with due to their behavior(s).

Most stalkers love the idea that you are creeping them out, are living in fear, afraid of them or potentially what they may or can do, and lastly, you still have them in your life (again, in that negative way but nonetheless they are still effecting you)...

The best thing you can do if you are being stalked or harassed in any way is to ignore and avoid them. Yes, take all action available by way of law enforcement, legal, or other venues but do not engage them. Engaging them equals just what they want. And any attention is good attention.

This thread is just that. You have immortalized them and also have made them very public, giving them way more attention then their sorry, pathetic asses deserve.

Seems a bit eerie to post in this thread with all the happenings this year.

I agree with Femfare...call the authorities, keep them on call.

Be smart and be assertive with your assets that develop. Case in point...there were times when I was "thread stalked" here on B/F both in being followed by posts and in pictures posted. Cut n paste...document them. Even before they can have the post removed. PM's...yep, they are saved as well.

But one thing I learned...there is no femme in the world worth my life, integrity, self worth and friends n family. No, not for another who is so self righteous, insecure and daring enough to risk jail time for a harrasement suit.
Be on your way I say this boi had enough.

I believe there is another thread about "thread stalking" which, outlines all avenues of legal matters. You all may want to visit this thread.

[chey]

Be smart and be assertive with your assets that develop. Case in point...there were times when I was "thread stalked" here on B/F both in being followed by posts and in pictures posted. Cut n paste...document them. Even before they can have the post removed. PM's...yep, they are saved as well.


What a wonderful post.

For those that may of thought,it's just women who fall victims to stalking,your post should validate,that anyone,male or female can be stalked.To do the "follow online stalk",proves that the person who may be doing it,is beyond being stupid,with so many tools at hand,the technology to "save" evidence,and to be able to prove your criminal actions,shows not only your self worth,which is none,but more-so your maturity,and sick evil twisted way.Why not do us,the victims a favor,quit,No means NO!,nothing you say or do,can or will change our minds.I myself,would sooner slit my own throat,then think that you can be god's greatest gift to mankind,and that I would want you.

So anyone who is stalked here at the forums,continue your fight,maybe we should start posting the stalkers names,I mean,we post Dead-beat Dad's,we post sexual preditors,why not start posting stalkers,as a protection to the victims.think about it,the stalkers is taking away our rights,we should have the right to protects ourselves in any way possible.

[Femfare]

I wanted to add just one other thing:

The red flags...most of stalker personality is very similar to the classical power and control abuser. Most of the early warning signs of abusers have a remarkable simialr profile to those who stalk.


Who Are Stalkers?

Demographically:

Stalking is a gender neutral crime, with both male and female perpetrators and victims. How-ever, most stalkers are men. Best statistics indicate that 75-80 percent (75-80%) of all stalking cases involve men stalking women. Most tend to fall into the young to middle-aged categories. Most have above-average intelligence. Stalkers come from every walk of life and every socio-economic background. Virtually anyone can be a stalker, just as anyone can be a stalking victim.

Psychological and Behavioral Profile of Stalkers:

Unfortunately, there is no single psychological or behavioral profile for stalkers. In fact, many experts believe that every stalker is different, making it very difficult not only to categorize their behavior, but doubly difficult to devise effective strategies to cope with such behavior.

Forensic psychologists, who study criminal behavior, are just beginning to examine the minds and motives of stalkers. These psychologists have identified two broad categories of stalkers and stalking behavior -- "Love Obsession" and "Simple Obsession."

Love Obsession Stalkers

This category is characterized by stalkers who develop a love obsession or fixation on another person with whom they have no personal relationship. The target may be only a casual acquaintance or even a complete stranger. This category represents about 20-25 percent (20-25%) of all stalking cases.

Stalkers who stalk celebrities and stars -- such as David Letterman, Jodie Foster, and Madonna -- fall into the category of love obsessionists; however, stalkers in this category also include those who develop fixations on regular, ordinary people -- including co-workers, their aerobics instructor, casual acquaintances or people they pass in the street.

The vast majority of love obsessional stalkers suffer from a mental disorder -- often schizophrenia or paranoia. Regardless of the specific disorder, nearly all display some delusional thought patterns and behaviors. Since most are unable to develop normal personal relationships through more conventional and socially acceptable means, they retreat to a life of fantasy relationships with persons they hardly know, if at all. They invent fictional stories -- complete with what is to them real-life scripts -- which cast their unwilling victims in the lead role as their own love interest. They then attempt to act out their fictional plots in the real world.

The woman who has stalked David Letterman for five years truly believes she is his wife. She has been discovered on Mr. Letterman's property numerous times, has been arrested driving his car and has even appeared at his residence with her own child in tow -- each time insisting that she is David Letterman's wife.

Love obsessional stalkers not only attempt to live out their fantasies, but expect their victims to play their assigned roles as well. They believe they can make the object of their affection love them. They desperately want to establish a positive personal relationship with their victim. When the victim refuses to follow the script or doesn't respond as the stalker hopes, they may attempt to force the victim to comply by use of threats and intimidation.

When threats and intimidation fail, some stalkers turn to violence. Some decide that if they cannot be a positive part of their victim's life, they will be part of their life in a negative way. Some even go so far as to murder their victims in a twisted attempt to romantically link themselves to their victim forever. This was the case with the man who shot and killed Rebecca Schaffer, the young actress and star of the television show My Sister Sam.

Simple Obsession Stalkers

This second category represents 70-80 percent (70-80%) of all stalking cases and is distinguished by the fact that some previous personal or romantic relationship existed between the stalker and the victim before the stalking behavior began.

Virtually all domestic violence cases involving stalking fall under this rubric, as do casual dating relationships (commonly referred to as Fatal Attraction cases, named after the popular movie by the same title).

While this kind of stalker may or may not have psychological disorders, all clearly have personality disorders. One forensic psychologist has attempted to identify some of the common personality traits and behavioral characteristics among this category of stalkers. Stalkers in this class are characterized as individuals who are:

Socially maladjusted and inept;
Emotionally immature;
Often subject to feelings of powerlessness;
Unable to succeed in relationships by socially-acceptable means;
Jealous, bordering on paranoid; and
Extremely insecure about themselves and suffering from low self-esteem.
The self-esteem of simple obsession stalkers is often closely tied to their relationship with their partner. In many cases, such stalkers bolster their own self-esteem by dominating and intimidating their mates. Exercising power over another gives them some sense of power in a world where they otherwise feel powerless. In extreme cases, such personalities attempt to control every aspect of their partner's life. This behavior pat-tern was vividly depicted in the major motion picture entitled Sleeping with the Enemy, where the antagonist turns to intimidation and violence as the means to control every aspect of his victim/wife's life.

Since the victim literally becomes the stalker's primary source of self-esteem, their greatest fear becomes the loss of this person. Their own self-worth is so closely tied to the victim that when they are deprived of that person, they may feel that their own life is without worth.

It is exactly this dynamic that makes simple obsession stalkers so dangerous. In the most acute cases, such stalkers will literally stop at nothing to regain their "lost possession" -- their partner -- and in so doing, regain their lost self-esteem.

Just as with most domestic violence cases, stalkers are the most dangerous when they are first deprived of their source of power and self-esteem; in other words, the time when their victims determine to physically remove themselves from the offender's presence on a permanent basis by leaving the relationship.

Indeed, stalking cases which emerge from domestic violence situations constitute the most common and potentially lethal class of stalking cases. Domestic violence victims who leave an abusive relationship run a 75 percent (75%) higher risk of being murdered by their partners.

Stalking behavior is as diverse as the stalkers themselves. Yet behavioral experts are beginning to identify patterns in the cycle of violence displayed by simple obsession stalkers.

Stalking Behavior Patterns and Cycles:

Stalking behavior patterns closely mirror those common in many domestic violence cases. The pattern is usually triggered when the stalker's advances toward their victim is frustrated -- regardless of whether the stalker is seeking to establish a personal relationship or continue a previously established relationship contrary to the wishes of the victim.

The stalker may attempt to woo their victim into a relationship by sending flowers, candy and love letters, in an attempt to "prove their love." However, when the victim spurns their unwelcome advances, the stalker often turns to intimidation. Such attempts at intimidation often begin in the form of an unjustified, jealous and inappropriate intrusion into the victim's life. Often these contacts become more numerous and intrusive over time, until such collective conduct becomes a persistent pattern of harassment. Many times, harassing behavior escalates to threatening behavior. Such threats may be direct or indirect and communicated explicitly or implicitly by the stalker's conduct. Unfortunately, cases that reach this level of seriousness too often end in violence and/or murder.

Stalkers, unable to establish or re-establish a relationship of power and control over their victims, turn to violence as a means of reasserting their domination over the victim. In some cases, offenders are even willing to kill their victims and themselves in a last, desperate attempt to assert their domination over the victim.


The evolution of the stalker's thought pattern progresses from, "If I can just prove to you how much I love you," to "I can make you love me," to "If I can't have you, nobody else will."

While this progression in behavior is common, no stalking case is completely predictable. Some stalkers may never escalate past the first stage. Others jump from the first stage to the last stage with little warning. Still others regress to previous stages before advancing to the next. It is not uncommon to see stalkers intersperse episodes of threats and violence with flowers and love letters.

As difficult as it is to predict what a stalker might do, it is at least as difficult to predict when he might do it. A few stalkers will progress to later stages in only a few weeks or even days. In other cases, stalkers who have engaged in some of the most serious stalking behaviors may go months or even years without attempting a subsequent contact.

It is this unpredictability that makes developing an effective response strategy so difficult in any particular stalking case. (See INFOLINK, No. 47, "Stalking: Safety Plan Guidelines" for more information.)

Are There Laws that Make Stalking a Crime?

While many states had laws prohibiting harassment and assault, it wasn't until 1990 that California became the first state to pass a law which specifically made stalking a crime.

This law was passed in response to several high-profile cases in which the perpetrator stalked and eventually killed their victim. In each case, the victim had notified the police of their stalker's threatening behavior. Yet, in each case, the police said that unless the stalker acted on those threats, there was nothing they could do legally. The California law that for the first time outlawed stalking behavior was intended to give law enforcement officers the legal tool they needed to intervene in stalking cases before offenders acted upon their threats.

Since the passage of that first stalking law in 1990, all 50 states have enacted stalking laws. While each state stalking statute differs in both definition and approach, virtually all proscribe behavior that constitutes a pattern of conduct seeking to harass and/or threaten the safety of another.

Some of these early statutes came under constitutional attack due to the broad language used to describe stalking behavior. Some lower courts actually struck down these laws in a handful of states causing lawmakers in those states to re-draft their stalking statutes in order to cure such constitutional defects.

It was this concern over constitutionality that led Congress to mandate the formation of a special drafting committee to develop a model stalking code that would withstand any constitutional scrutiny. The National Criminal Justice Association -- in conjunction with the National Institute of Justice, the National Center for Victims of Crime, and numerous other criminal justice and victim organizations and experts -- developed a Final Report that included a model stalking statute. In short, the model language makes it a crime to:

Engage in a course of conduct that would place a reasonable person in fear for their safety, and that the stalker intended and did, in fact, place the victim in such fear.

Beyond this basic definition of the crime, statutes include a wide variety of additional stalking-related provisions. For example, some state stalking statutes:

Allow police to make warrantless arrests in stalking cases where probable cause exists;
Make stalking a non-bailable offense under certain circumstances;
Provide for automatic and emergency protective orders;
Require mandatory psychological evaluation and treatment for stalkers;
Establish sentencing enhancements in cases where the victim is a minor, or when there is a protective order in place against the perpetrator; and
Create heightened crime classifications for stalkers who commit second stalking offenses.
It is important for victims to obtain a copy of the stalking law in their state to determine which of these special provisions are included in their state's statute.

Apart from state statutes, stalking victims should be aware of the recently passed federal legislation that makes it a crime to cross a state line in order to stalk another. Federal anti-terrorism laws may also apply in some stalking cases, allowing victims to bring charges in federal court as an alternative to the state criminal court of their jurisdiction. These laws may also prove useful in stalking cases where the offender makes threatening phone calls from outside the state where the victim resides.

How are Stalking Laws Being Implemented?

Statutes that establish new crimes, such as stalking, are not universally implemented or instantaneously enforced from the moment they take effect. There is often a considerable lag time in implementing new statutes as law enforcement officials, prosecutors and judges become familiar with the law and develop policies and procedures to implement them.

Since stalking laws are fairly new, victims cannot always be certain that law enforcement officials, prosecutors or even judges are aware of these new laws. Stalking victims may find it necessary to provide law enforcement officials with a copy of their state stalking statute, along with evidence which proves the stalker has violated the statute. Copies of such statutes can be found in your state's published criminal code, available in some public libraries and all law libraries.

How Do I File a Complaint Under My State's Stalking Statute?

To file a complaint that will trigger an arrest and prosecution, it must be accompanied with sufficient evidence to establish "probable cause" that the stalker engaged in conduct that is illegal under the state's stalking statute. If law enforcement officials do not witness such conduct first-hand, it is often up to the victim to provide them with the evidence necessary to establish probable cause.

Again, victims would be well-advised to obtain a copy of their state's stalking statute in order to gain a clear understanding of what conduct constitutes an offense under the statute. While most state stalking statutes are written in laymen's terms, the exact meaning of those terms is not always clear. Victims may wish to consult with law enforcement officials, prosecutors, or a private attorney for an explanation and interpretation of the specific stalking statute in question.

In other words, stalking victims are often put in a position of having to first prove their case to a law enforcement official before being afforded the opportunity to prove their case before a court of law. It is for this reason that it is crucial for stalking victims to document every stalking incident as thoroughly as possible, including collecting and keeping any videotapes, audiotapes, phone answering machine messages, photos of the stalker or property damage, letters sent, objects left, affidavits from eye witnesses, notes, etc. Experts also recommend that victims keep a journal to document all contacts and incidents, along with the time, date and other relevant in-formation. (See FYI, "Stalking: Safety Plan Guidelines," for more information concerning evidence and safety strategies.)

Regardless of whether or not they have sufficient evidence to prove a stalking violation, victims wishing to file a stalking complaint with law enforcement officials should do so at the earliest possible point in time. In some cases, victims may also be able to file a complaint in the jurisdiction where the offender resides, if it is different from the victim's.

If law enforcement officials refuse to investigate, or if they are not responsive to a complaint filed, victims may always directly approach their local prosecutor (also known in various jurisdictions as, the district attorney, state's attorney, commonwealth's attorney or state solicitor).

It is also recommended that any person who suspects or believes that they are currently being stalked should immediately seek the advice and assistance of local victim specialists in developing a personalized safety plan or action plan. Victim specialists can be found at local domestic violence or rape crisis programs -- which should be listed under "Community Services Numbers" or "Emergency Assistance Numbers" in the front section of the local phone book -- or in victim assistance programs located in most local prosecutors' offices and in some law enforcement agencies -- which should be listed under "Local, City or County Government" in the Blue Pages of the local phone book.

Bibliography

National Institute of Justice. (1993). Project to Develop a Model Anti-Stalking Code for States, Final Summary Report. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice.

Schaum, Melita and Karen Parrish. (1995). Stalked: Breaking the Silence on the Crime of Stalking in America. New York: Simon & Schuster, Inc.

FYI: A Program of the National Center for Victims of Crime.

All rights reserved.

[Jar]

Jar.....i cannot tell you how eloquent your letter to the stalker has touched my heart......

I have been stalked in my life....i have been raped and left for dead in my life.....i know the fear and terror the stalker imposes on their victim.

i am proud of you for writing out your thoughts and feelings here....
((((SweetBlueDiva)))) I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm thankful you are here to tell the story. Thanks for your post and thanks for your support of my rant from my soapbox.


I have had the misfortune,to have both.

My love,knew the hell I lived,hy gave me back my youth,by letting me be,something that I never was,hy use to get angry(at them),when hy would ask me,if I knew silly childhood games,and I would only look at hym and wonder what games...
And sweet ((((Chey)))), I know the pain you've been through and I hope someday you find another love whose arms you can find comfort in.....

[chey]

((((SweetBlueDiva)))) I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm thankful you are here to tell the story. Thanks for your post and thanks for your support of my rant from my soapbox.


And sweet ((((Chey)))), I know the pain you've been through and I hope someday you find another love whose arms you can find comfort in.....


........... (f) (f) (f) (f) (f) (f) .............a small bouquet for you.

[Jar]

I realize after reading these posts that they are cathartic and serve a release purpose (which is great) but they also are giving a stalker just what they are looking for. You are giving them attention (negative attention is still attention to them) and you are providing the drama they wish you to be living with due to their behavior(s).

Most stalkers love the idea that you are creeping them out, are living in fear, afraid of them or potentially what they may or can do, and lastly, you still have them in your life (again, in that negative way but nonetheless they are still effecting you)...
This thread is just that. You have immortalized them and also have made them very public, giving them way more attention then their sorry, pathetic asses deserve.
Though I agree with you that stalkers are seeking attention and like the fact that they have the power to terrify the person they're stalking, I have to disagree with you about keeping silent. I think that's one of the major problems with society today. If someone is abused in any way, why should they keep quiet? It wasn't the victim that stepped up and asked to be a victim. Why give the abuser the respect of not exposing him or her? The victims need protecton and how else are we ever going to bring these problems to light if everyone stays silent about it?

When I posted here, I didn't say that I had any solutions. I think AscotButch had a good point about telling these people to get help. It is rather pointless to suggest getting help to someone who's thinking is so distorted that they don't see anything wrong with their behavior.

Stepping off my soapbox now :s

[Femfare]

Jar,

I don't believe in keeping silent AT ALL. Or not doing anything to combat stalking, quite reverse. What my post said is to utilize your voice in ways that deter a stalker, not incite them. All stalkers want attention. Any attention is good attention.

Depending on the type of stalkers, their response to a public response such as the above could range from being sexually excited, enjoying the exposure of what are who they are (especially if they are nacissistic stalkers) to the giving them exactly what they want...ATTENTION. They feed on this.

My whole point of my post was is to utilize your voice and power in a way that squelches the stalker, not intices him/her.

[Femfare]

exposing a stalker on a board like this will do nothing...in fact, it will do more harm. What to expose, work with your local, state, and federal law enforcement and the legal community. Work and get help for victims groups.

Depending on how the stalker does his/her harassment, there are many venues to get the exposure that it is happening. Just taking every precaution and doing all the proper documentation if far more exposing and serves a productive purpose then writing on a lesbian discussion board. Here, it is titalating and giving the stalker exactly the type of exposure they want...

[scentsofautumn]

Well, Jar, your post was certainly heartfelt and full of many good points. For that I commend you. The thing is, those of us who are relatively stable read that sort of thing and think, ''Damn, yeah, okay, maybe I was a bit pushy, gungho, whatever. I'll back off." Stalkers, however, are not among those I'd remotely label as stable. They don't have in place the social and psychological mechanisms that enable them to see that what they are doing is wrong, hurtful and frightening. On the contrary, I'd venture to say that they probably think that what they are doing is giving affection, and in some warped way, demonstrative of caring. Fucked up, I know. The perception is that, ''I know if I can just get her to talk to me, look at me, think about me, I'll have an in and then there's no way she won't want to be with me''. The notion that sitting in one's car outside someone's house at 3 a.m. is nothing unusual is weird to most of us, sure...but if you're a whack job, hey, it makes perfect sense. Telling these people that there's help out there is tantamount to shouting into a void. They don't think they need help, they just need the attention of the stalkee.

To all who are currently in the throes of dealing with a stalker, I wish you the best of luck. To those who have had to deal with them in the past, I'm sorry you had to go through it.
peace,
Lis~


That is some sick shyt for a human being to do to another. This type of person needs some serious analysis and not sliding scale.

I too am sorry for the ladies and all the gents out there who had or are still having to deal with this type of issue.

If people are having issues, Chey stated that maybe names should be posted, but they should be brought to the attention of Rhon and Chris...then, to the legal authorities if need be.

[Femfare]

Yes, if you are being cyber-stalked and on this site, you should contact the webmaster and both you than they can document the harassment or other violations of the site. And at the discretion of the site owner, they can do what they deem as appropriate.

[chey]

exposing a stalker on a board like this will do nothing...in fact, it will do more harm.



So if we have confirmed stalkers here on the boards,we should not say anything,let them go on the commit further transgretions,and maybe give them harassing ass,more rights to maybe find more victims?
Silence begets that. I would never be silent,here,or out there,really now,it is %*#%-(* time,victims take back their lives.

[FemNLeatherNLace]

Thanks for that but it did not personally offend me...I didn't understand the point or purpose of the tonque and check as the topic seemed rather serious and from what people wrote, disturbing and serious. I am sorry that you have been involved with such and have been sexually assualted as well. I just probably wouldn't write something tongue and cheek about being raped if I came to a thread such as this one but talking about rape and rapists.

But, that's just me. I appreciate your response.
There are very specific psychological patterns linked with individuals who stalks others via the Internet. Current research suggests that there are two types of individuals who use the internet to make contact with others in a controlling and intrusive way. The stranger to stranger encounter appears to be the most serious types of cyberstalking cases. The stranger to stranger encounters where both persons do not know each other considered the most violent cases of 'cyberstalking' that occur. And, individuals and/or police departments that are experiencing these types of complaints are better severed by a psychological classification system identifying the attributes and background characteristics of the cyberstalker.

What most often happens is that a relationship or friendship goes bad and one or both parties use the internet as a forum to carry their conflict from person to person over into the internet. These types of cases usually fizzle out over time. I honestly believe by far the largest percentage the conflicts surrounding cyber harrassment and or stalking that we deal with here fit into this category.

Each scenario is as unique as the individuals involved. And...each individual deals with and handles things diferently. We all have different levels of tolerance, strength, fear, stress, and coping strategies, and each must take the steps to resolve the situation in a way that best protects their individual, mentality-emotional and physical health as well as financial and real property assets. Silence may resolve the situation for one person and escalate the situation for the next.

Those of us who have been around for a while have seen the scenarios run the gammet from mildly annoying to devastating. I believe the key is to remember particularly in these types of cases what the payoff for the 'stalker' is. We most usually know at least something about the individuals or the situation that prompted the harrassment or stalking behavior. Sometimes the payoff is simple button pushing, the enjoyment of causing negative impact of some sort to their targets as a direct result of their efforts (this is very very different then the more psychotic delusional fantasy state of mind as in the stranger to stranger or severe domestic violence cases). In any case... there are obnvious rules of thumb for safety, or to try to avoid escalation that may be potentially dangerous, fatal or simply mentally or emotional unhealthy for our own selves.

AND Kudos!! Chey for your comment about this type of harrassment NOT being solely female or even femme targeted. Males and Butches are just as highly at risk of being targets and sometimes by nature of politics and dynamics less protected. We have seen it!!!

I also hope that we would not randomly and freely group simple juvenile revengeful or malicious behavior for whatever the reason: selfishness, bad manners, low self esteem, or the need to have company in misery - in the same group as "Stalker" behavior...there is a difference tho sometimes not vast...between an asshole or inmature person acting like a child and true psychotic Stalking behavior.

In any case we each carry the responsibility to educate ourselves as to the steps to take to increase protection and collect evidence for legal remedies in the event that that becomes necessary. As well as the wonderful resources that have been mentioned for identifying stalker behavior, and tips for taking higher precautions for our safety there is a very well written compilation and summary of the Internet Stalking Laws at >>>www.safetyed.org<<< (http://www.safetyed.org/help/stalking/stalkusa.html#A) if someone feels they may fit into the category of possible legal involvement as a solution. These may be helpful to some to determine if/where/and to what degree their personal situation fits within the criteria for this remedy.

[Femfare]

Great post, Fem...

And you are right, cyber-stalking is different and actually there are more than 2 classifications for this type of individual. The FBI uses a behavioral prototype and cyber stalkers, like stalkers, are groups by cluster characteristic and most do have other mental illness or social/personality disorders. But, each stalker is unique even if they fit a classification or group cluster.

I hope no one is taking away from what I wrote to be silent. If you are being cyber-stalked, getting in touch with the appropriate webmaster and isp is very important, especially for tracking and prosecution. If you are being stalked IRL, my post was to suggest (and that is the key word) to take steps that dissuade further contact or arousal of the stalker by publically writing a letter to your stalker. I further suggested using appropriate law and legal enforcement and groups geared for stalking victims.

[femmegirrl]

I was stalked and I have been raped in real life. My stalker was my husband that I married at 18, he was unable to let go of the relationship, and was violent during our marriage, when I finally left and came back to virginia, he followed me, and it wasn't until I moved out of virginia again that I began to feel a bit better, then my cousin told him where I was and the fear started all over again. He is in prison now, for attempted armed robbery to support his drug habit, which is what stopped the stalking for good, but sometimes I cant help but wonder what may happen when he is released, even though he is serving his prison time in california. I know that I have issues dealing with trust, insecurity, and sleep(I was afraid to sleep for fear of what he would do to me, which caused me to have insominia). But I am very lucky, my Daddi is patient, and respects me enough to work at making me feel safe and protected as well as loved and cherished, and soon I am moving in with hym, and then I will be out of va again for good(I come back to va because my parents live here and I like to see them as much as I can ), and hopefully even if my ex-husband was to come back to the east coast, he would never be able to find me again. Stalkers are the worst kind of criminals, because they make sure their victims are living in fear, the emotional trauma that they cause to their victims, is just as damaging as the physical violence. Virginia has enacted tougher laws for stalking, but the reality is that I (and many others who are stalked) still have that fear in the back of our minds, the fear of what they will do to us next, with or without an order of protection. The police flat out said, that until he does something to me, that their hands are tied. I am hoping that for all of us, there are peaceful nights, and lots of happy days, and that the nightmares will all finally go away. I also want to take a moment to publically thank you Daddi, for being my support, my strength, my soulmate, best friend, and husband. Thank you for taking the time and steps to reassure me, and make me always feel safe and secure when I am with you. you are everything that this girrl has ever hoped for. and I love you. (l) Tonya

[lissa]

anyone who is stalked here at the forums,continue your fight,maybe we should start posting the stalkers names,I mean,we post Dead-beat Dad's,we post sexual preditors,why not start posting stalkers,as a protection to the victims.think about it,the stalkers is taking away our rights,we should have the right to protects ourselves in any way possible.


We don't have the right to name anyone on this site... Forward any harrassing pm's, proof you have to the Owners or the moderater of this site.

The reasons being.. A. People lie.. I could say that you were stalking me.. That would be a lie, but your name would be out there sullied even after it came out that I lied.

We are ASKED by the owners of this site to report anything harrassing and not to take it into our own hands.

Naming names could very well get YOU banned and the person stalking you still free to roam the boards.

Document, Document, Document.. Just like in a case of a R/T stalker.. You want to have proof possitive to hand over to the PTB..

[Femfare]

Lissa,

Good points. Further, and I am posting this neutrally, post someone's name and your relationship dynamics may have legal implications that may not serve you in the long run. If you are having cyber-stalking done to you...it may feel really good to name names but it can and will not serve you. Direct any information to the site and or webmasters. Further, contact your ISP and make it known what is happening and SAVE everything. You want a paper/cyber trail.

I can appreciate everyone's personal expressions and real life experiences. What others have done to others in the name of love, hate, power, control, and evrything in between is heinous. But, you need to exhaust the systems set up for such. They may not be perfect and in fact they may not serve your situation but you can make create documentation or file with your local law enforcement or prosecutor. I know the limitations of restianing orders and everything in between. But I also suggest that alot has to do with where you live and your statutes. Some states are very good, others are worthless. But you can do things to keep yourself safer. Attorneys and legal aid services can explain and help you file for restraining or harassment orders. Just having that document on file is better then not having on file. Some individuals physically have to move due to the lack of safety or help to their specific circumstances. Every situation is unique.

But, if you are cyber stalked...there are tracable steps which site owners and law enforcement can track and report. I will just say that you don't want to incite or invite a cyber stalker to engage with you. This thread is a breeding ground for attention. You can use your energy and resources more productively and safely by reporting it to the site, your ISP, and local authorities. And by all means, use all the resources out there to keep yourself safer...block the stalker's address(es), change your screen name and email account, and keep records and document everything...messages, instant messages, etc.

[Orchid]

I can’t believe I’m posting this. But I would like to get it off my chest :$ . Firstly this thread is full of great tips to stay safe from stalkers and justified venting directed at stalkers. But some of the things said in here really hit home. . . uncomfortably so.

It made me realize that . . . . I guess I’m the lower degree of stalker; harmless physically but perhaps not psychologically, intrusive with out always realizing it and loving but in ways i shouldn't. The more I’m pushed away the more I long to be accepted by them and in their presence. I recently lost the affection of someone on this sight and I was actually grateful –for hys sake- that hy found someone new. Hy had found this lucky girl just in time as my love for hym -and consequently obsession- was growing stronger. Through some investigations I had found out were hy lived, hys home #, where hy worked, the routs he may take to get there. I sighed with bliss when I imagined hym in the places I had discovered. These bits of information were like treasures to me; they were away to feel connected and secured to hym in a developing world of nothing but hym; By forcing myself to delete this information; my ties to hym -and knowing hy no longer wanted me- I was once again lost.

(w) The only thing I saved was a painting hy asked me to do for hym. I had worked on it for weeks and finished it the day I found out he no longer wanted me like I wanted hym. . . . .

[size_matters]

Dear Stalker,
Hi...it's been a long time..and yer still here..and I'm still here..and yer contact keeps happening..no matter who I report you to...no matter how many scraps of communication I save, and forward to whatever party says they'll do something...and they do..and ya just change yer name..and do it again....*I have noticed that ya can't stand for me not to know who it is...so ya tell me...LOL*....it didn't even work to try to turn tha tables on you...and give you a taste of yer own medicine....in fact..you seemed to kind of enjoy it..........Well...I'm exhausted from it all..so..I've come to a decision.
go ahead....stalk away...it really doesn't bother me anymore..heck..I've even gotten to tha point where..believe it or not *and boy..does it make me feel :s to believe it...but it's true*....when yer takin those little breaks..and not contacting me...I actually WORRY about you. That's right LMAO..I wonder if yer sick or got in a car accident or something! Man...ROFLMAO
that is somehing...ot get to tha point where the stalker just becomes a part of yer daily routine....oh well.. Point is...stalk away...write all the junk ya want...you won't even have to go to the bother of making up screen names..I won't try to block you anymore *it's pointless....you just make a new screen name..and that just clogs up the site with names for nothing*
I already know..that after a year..yernot likely to attempt to do anything to harm me or my family physically...and..nasty email isn't really all that big a deal...I just laugh about em and go on with my day..in fact..sometimes they give me a reason to chuckle when tha day isn't going so good.
And..the talkin bout me to strangers you like to do?? Wel....ya know..LOL..they don't know me at all..and they still know me better than you do...so..I really don't care what ya say...or who ya say it to....if they are fool enough to listen and believe..so be it. I'm thinkin most people are too intelligent to buy into the bs spread by anyone's ex anyway.
so...... (b) here's to you, my dear stalker.......may you always revel in tha glory of yer obsessiveness
Sincerely
yer humble obsession

[lionandlamb]

Interesting thread....I'm thankful for the people that find a bit of healing, or maybe a bit of safety in telling some of the story, giving a name or a face to the person that makes their world unsafe....But like so many people posting before me, I don't now, nor have I ever taken stalking lightly...One person taking it lightly demeans the whole message the rest of us are giving that this isn't tolerated and the consequences are large for overstepping boundaries. Having worked in mental health, I encourage anyone who receives a threat or has concern of implied threat to take it to the authorities. In CO and NC, people are committed for such things. I haven't hesitated to do it in both states, and wouldn't hesitate to do it again. Its a process that anyone of us can begin and it gives back the power to those the stalker is trying to take away from.

Please don't take this as a joke from anyone, nor let someone else minimize when someone talks about stalking. It all begins somewhere and we have to be there to make it stop. If you have questions about seeking commitment, PM me and I'll help you research your state laws.

[oregon_femme]

I do feel sorry for the people really are being stalked, its sad and scary.

But what about if someone is LYING about being stalked?

What if they make it up so everyone thinks they are important? or whatever thier reason? What if they change PMs around to say something entirely different? What if they are angry cause the "stalker" didnt want them? And they just wanted to hurt the person, so they make up these horrific lies?

That really hurts the person that they are LYING about.

Because no one stops to think that maybe the stalkee is lying.
They just believe it and think bad thoughts about the supposed "stalker". And then continue to generate the untruths.


My advice is


Don't believe everything you hear. There is always the others person's side of the story, and hey, the "stalkee" could very easily be lying.

Trust your instints. And if someone tells you I am stalking them, please be very hesitant to believe them. I have never stalked anyone maliciously, just for flirting fun.

Be careful what and who you believe folks. There are some major liars here on this earth, maybe even here in our own little community.

[lvnicky90]

Oregon,

It is not a great feeling to be stalked. Especially when your work has to get involved in order to protect you and your sanity. I could not walk out the door feeling worried. You do not want to pick up the phone because it may be them, and then you are scared they will truly try to hurt you in some way.

I am glad my stalker moved out of state. I do worry they will be back one day, but my company has a security guard that escorts me to and from my vehicle everyday. :(



I do feel sorry for the people really are being stalked, its sad and scary.

But what about if someone is LYING about being stalked?

What if they make it up so everyone thinks they are important? or whatever thier reason? What if they change PMs around to say something entirely different? What if they are angry cause the "stalker" didnt want them? And they just wanted to hurt the person, so they make up these horrific lies?

That really hurts the person that they are LYING about.

Because no one stops to think that maybe the stalkee is lying.
They just believe it and think bad thoughts about the supposed "stalker". And then continue to generate the untruths.


My advice is


Don't believe everything you hear. There is always the others person's side of the story, and hey, the "stalkee" could very easily be lying.

Trust your instints. And if someone tells you I am stalking them, please be very hesitant to believe them. I have never stalked anyone maliciously, just for flirting fun.

Be careful what and who you believe folks. There are some major liars here on this earth, maybe even here in our own little community.

[SweetThang]

Oregon_Femme wrote: But what about if someone is LYING about being stalked? What if they change PMs around to say something entirely different? What if they are angry cause the "stalker" didnt want them? And they just wanted to hurt the person, so they make up these horrific lies?

~~~Sweetie, I know where you're coming from. The bold print is mine: it can happen in posts, it can happen in PM's, as it probably is to me right now... My attitude is: this, too, shall pass, and the truth eventually comes to light...I won't sink so low as to respond to any of it. I shall continue to go about my business on this site and make the maximum effort to ESCHEW DRAMA.

O_F wrote: Because no one stops to think that maybe the stalkee is lying.
They just believe it and think bad thoughts about the supposed "stalker". And then continue to generate the untruths.

~~~hun, ANYONE who is stupid enough not to recognize a smear campaign I don't want in my life anyway....and I don't give two flips about what prejudgments anyone on this site makes about me...I love B-F, but it is only a small part of my life: I have friends, a fiance, a family, a house, a yard, a career, pets, hobbies, etc. etc. Tempests in teapots hold no fascination for me. Anyone with intelligence will consider the source...and realize that no matter how "Kind" someone may portray themselves, there is a side they have never seen...and a reality beyond that of the idealized world of the Internet....

I don't believe anything I hear, and half of what I see, and pritnear nothing of what I read these days.....LOL

And thanks, OF, for posting this --- it is a reminder and a warning that not all is as it may appear to be, especially online....and unless one has walked in another's shoes, it is best not to judge....

Hugs to you, OF --- from ST in TN.... (f) (})

[lionandlamb]

I found this website searching out other resources and wanted to share...

Tips for Stalking Victims

These tips will help you guard your personal information and lessen the chance that it will get into the hands of a stalker or harasser. However, some of these tips are extreme and should only be used if you are indeed being stalked. Harassment can take many forms, so this information may not be appropriate in every situation and may not resolve serious stalking problems.
(See also the Supplement to this fact sheet, "Security Recommendations for Stalking Victims," provided by the Los Angeles Police Department's Threat Management Unit.)

1. Use a private post office box. Residential addresses of post office box holders are generally confidential. However, the U.S. Postal Service will release a residential address to any government agency, or to persons serving court papers. The Post Office only requires verification from an attorney that a case is pending. This information is easily counterfeited. Private companies, such as Mail Boxes Etc., are more strict and will require that the person making the request have an original copy of a subpoena. Use your private post office box address for all of your correspondence. Print it on your checks instead of your residential address. Instead of recording the address as "Box 123," use "Apartment 123."

2. File a change-of-address card with the U.S. Postal Service giving the private mail box address. Send personal letters to friends, relatives and businesses giving them the new private mailbox address. Give true residential address only to the most trusted friends. Ask that they do not store this address in rolodexes or address books which could be stolen.

3. Sign up for your state's address confidentiality program . 18 states offer a program that enables victims of domestic violence and stalking to protect their residential address. For a list, visit: www.sos.state.ok.us/acp/acp_welcome.htm (Click on "Other States with ACP.")

4. Obtain an unpublished and unlisted phone number. The phone company lists names and numbers in directory assistance (411) and publishes them in the phone book. Make sure you delete your information from both places. Don't print your phone number on your checks. Give out a work number when asked.

5. If your state has Caller ID, order Complete Blocking (called "Per Line" Blocking in other states). This ensures that your phone number is not disclosed when you make calls from your home. (California phone companies have offered Caller ID June 1996. See PRC fact sheet 19 on Caller ID.)

6. Avoid calling 800, 888 and 900 number services. Your phone number could be "captured" by a service called Automatic Number Identification. It will also appear on the called party's bill at the end of the month. If you do call 800 numbers, use a pay phone.

7. Have your name removed from any "reverse directories." The entries in these directories are in numerical order by phone number or by address. These books allow anyone who has just one piece of information, such as a phone number, to find where you live. Reverse direct-ories are published by phone companies and direct marketers. (See PRC fact sheet no. 4 on "junk mail.")

8. Let people know that information about you should be held in confidence. Tell your employer, co-workers, friends, family and neighbors of your situation. Alert them to be suspicious of people inquiring about your whereabouts or schedule.

9. Do not use your home address when you subscribe to magazines. In general, don't use your residential address for anything that is mailed or shipped to you.

10. Avoid using your middle initial. Middle initials are often used to differentiate people with common names. For example, someone searching public records or credit report files might find several people with the name, Jane Doe. If you have a common name and want to blend in with the crowd, don't add a middle initial.

11. When conducting business with a government agency, only fill in the required pieces of information. Certain government agency records are public record. Anyone can access the information you disclose to the agency within that record. Public records such as county assessor, county recorder, DMV and business licenses are especially valuable finding tools. Ask the agency if it allows address information to be confidential in certain situations. If possible, use a post office box and do not provide your middle initial, phone number or your Social Security number. If you own property or a car, you may want to consider alternative forms of ownership, such as a trust. This would shield your personal address from the public record. (For more information on "government records and privacy," see PRC fact sheet number 11.)

12. Put your post office box on your driver's license. Don't show your license to just anyone. Your license has a lot of valuable information to a stalker.

13. Don't put your name on the list of tenants on the front of your apartment building. Use a variation of your name that only your friends and family would recognize.

14. Be very protective of your Social Security number. It is the key to much of your personal information. Don't pre-print the SSN on anything such as your checks. Only give it out if required to do so and ask why the requester needs it. The Social Security Administration may be willing to change your SSN. Contact the SSA for details. (See PRC fact sheet number 10 on "SSNs.")

15. Alert the three credit bureaus--Experian, Equifax and Trans Union--to your situation. Ask them to "flag" your record to avoid fraudulent access. (See PRC fact sheet number 6 on "credit reporting" for addresses and phone numbers. See also fact sheet number 17 on "identity theft.")

16. If you are having a problem with harassing phone calls, put a beep tone on your line so callers think you are taping your calls. Use an answering machine to screen your calls, and put a "bluff message" on your machine to warn callers of possible taping or monitoring. Be aware of the legal restrictions on taping of conversations.
(See PRC fact sheet number 3 on "harassing phone calls." See also fact sheet number 9 on "wiretapping and eavesdropping.")

17. If you use electronic mail and other online computer services, change your e-mail address if necessary. Do not enter any personal information into online directories. For a list of state cyber-stalking laws, see National Conference of State Legislatures, www.ncsl.org/programs/lis/CIP/stalk99.htm. See also the PRC's online privacy fact sheet, www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs18-cyb.htm.

18. Keep a log of every stalking incident, plus names, dates and times of your contacts with law enforcement and others. Save phone message tapes and items sent in the mail.

19. Consider getting professional counseling and/or seeking help from a victims support group. They can help you deal with fear, anxiety and depression associated with being stalked.

20. Make a police report. Consider getting a restraining order if you have been physically threatened or feel that you are in danger. When filed with the court, a restraining order legally compels the harasser to stay away from you, or he/she can be arrested. Be aware that papers filed for a restraining order or police report may become public record. Put minimal amounts of information and only provide a post office box address. You should contact an attorney or legal aid office if a restraining order becomes necessary. (Note: Some security experts warn that restraining orders sometimes lead to violence. Before obtaining a restraining order, consider your options carefully.)

21. And these final tips from someone who was stalked for over three years: For your own protection, carry pepper spray. Get a car phone and/or a beeper. Carry a Polaroid or video camera. Never verify anything, like your home address, over the phone.

For More Information

To obtain a guide for stalking victims, write or call the National Center for Victims of Crime
2111 Wilson Blvd.
Ste. 300, Arlington, VA 22201
Phone: (800) FYI-CALL or (703) 276-2880
Web: www.ncvc.org
www.ncvc.org/src/

National Domestic Violence Hotline -- (NDVH helps victims find safe houses.)
(800) 799-SAFE, (512) 453-8117
Web: www.ndvh.org
E-mail: ndvh@ndvh.org.
Other web sites:

Stalking Behavior, by D. T. Coon www.stalkingbehavior.com
Los Angeles Co. District Attorney www.lovemenot.org
AXIS Intervention & Training Institute www.stalkingrescue.org
Stalking Victims' Sanctuary, by Linden Gross www.stalkingvictims.com
Privacy Rights Clearinghouse www.privacyrights.org
AntiStalking website, by Doreen Orion, MD www.antistalking.com
Gavin de Becker, Inc. threat assessment & protection services www.gdbinc.com
"Stalking through the Courts," by Janet Normalvanbreucher www.gate.net/~liz/liz/FRtactic.html
The Stalking Assistance Site, Kim Kelly & Joann Ugolini www.stalkingassistance.com
Working to Halt Online Abuse www.haltabuse.org
Safety Ed International www.safetyed.org

[oregon_femme]

I knew you would take the time and go out of your way to read this.
Which one are you? the one who has never even met me? Or the one who pretended to be my friend only to gain info? Or maybe its "the ring-leader" herself, sneaking in on some other computer?
It doesn't matter which of you it is, your intent is still the same. Malice. Plain and simple.

Since your heart is evil, perhaps it will please you to know that your activities have caused me grief.

This place here, I wanted to feel safe in. And the Mods have strived to keep it safe, even going out of thier way for me. I am grateful that they see who the true heart is.

How come you don't? How come you believe that which an obviously insane woman tells you?

Anyway, it will make you self chosen advesaries happy to know that I no longer feel safe here in this online community. That I will no longer post my thoughts, ask questions or do anymore than play fluff games. Because you have stolen my privacy. You have printed up my words and discussed them and tainted them and turned them all around.

I have good on my side. My deeds are pure. Sure I played a few high school games with a few here and there latley. But never any malice.

Your ring leader, on the other hand, has gone out of her way over the past year to come here and terrorize and humilate me. Has anyone printed up her posts spouting her horrid evil, untrue opinions of me? Did any of you try to stick up for me, or think that maybe she is not only deluded but also mentally ill.



Here's a heads up, a warning if you will....

Keep a pillow handy when you stalk me, cause my posts are going to be so boring, they will put you to sleep.

[lissa]

Kay.. I just wonder? how do you know if someone is stalking you ?

online that is..

[dragon]

"But what about if someone is LYING about being stalked?

What if they make it up so everyone thinks they are important? or whatever their reason? What if they are angry cause the "stalker" didnt want them? And they just wanted to hurt the person, so they make up these horrific lies?"

There are more than enough "narcissistic personalities" to go around and that might account for at least a portion of this phenomena! :|

[maryclaire]

"But what about if someone is LYING about being stalked?

What if they make it up so everyone thinks they are important? or whatever their reason? What if they are angry cause the "stalker" didnt want them? And they just wanted to hurt the person, so they make up these horrific lies?"

There are more than enough "narcissistic personalities" to go around and that might account for at least a portion of this phenomena! :|

DRAGON..you are right on the money.


Wow what a great quote. I know a gal who was stalked by someone who illegally hacked into her email accounts and sent letters to people and even sent one to the person she was writing about...sounds confusing and a tad bit nutsy but the stalker who claimed she was being stalked actually broke the law and tampered with the other womans email accounts , assumed her identity and sent out lots of filthy emails and even forwarded a long drawn out diatribe to get the other person in trouble. Luckily everyone involved figured it out in about 5 seconds and had a good laugh and then took legal action. The stalker gal who claims to be stalked is in actuality doing the stalking....very bizarre behaviour.

In any case the FCC got involved and the "stalker" is a bit of a trouble maker although she can manipulate and brown nose her way back in. The lawyers jumped in, police reports were made and the hacker who hoses off the system is on Section 8 housing and violates all kinds of laws is losing her housing, getting arrested for illegal deeds and will face charges all over the place, She will end up in the Mission because even her children wont take her in. Legally she really messed up and crossed the line. The "convict " she forwarded the diatribre to was a "friend" and the stalker thought in using the other womans email address she was getting the other woman in trouble. The poop really hit the fan when the "convict " found out she was being conned and played by the stalker.She has alot to lose by continuing her stalking, she could lose custody which in turn would cause her source of income to go away and her public housing.The big problem is that BOLI is investigating,the FCC is investigating and the police are not amused.They took the report very seriously. I would think losing your housing voucher and risking your kids going into foster care would be a HUGE price to pay to amuse your self. Hacking into someones email accounts and assuming someones identity is a felony and people go to jail over lesser crimes. She had an opportunity to stop but is too stupid. Identity theft is a huge crime and is now being taken very seriously. She manipulates other butches to come in and "protect" her after she creates problems for herself until they realize they too are being used and then they back off. Every person she comes into contact runs away screaming and wants no further contact. So the "stalking" is just a ruse. She gathers personal information and outs people for sport and then acts stunned when people get pissed at her.. She gets everything that is coming to her and then some. The "Im so innocent and people are always trying to harm me " act is getting to be transparent and SOMEDAY RHON and CHRIS AND PEACHES will wake up and see the truth It takes awhile to see through this wackos stuff...she is VERY convincing...Hard drives do not lie and the real truth will emerge.Currently they choose to see only one side and the truth will set them free no question...donating money is not everything.Brown nosing will only get you so far.

So yes indeed sometimes the stalking is not actually stalking but a reaction to the first person causing trouble. Some people need hobbies or to work instead of causing trouble wherever they go. The stalker actually volunteered at Pride but was afraid to show up because she had jerked around SO many local people she would have been confronted in the middle of Pride. People realize she is not mentally stable so there is a slight element of pity that goes out for her. Not much though.

So the truth is out and the cats out of the bag for the stalker who claims to be stalked ....the police have the hard copies and its all a matter of time before the poop really hits the fan. So when someone creis out that they are being stalked and need protection take a second look to see what is really happening You cant piss off so many people for absolutely no reason.

So RHON and PEACHES Wake up and see whats really happening you too will be pissed when you realize you have been played by the "stalker/stalkee" Poor litle victim lloks differnet when you know the truth about her.She assumes lots of peoples identities on here and tries to play games with people. You will see if you are paying attention.

[oregon_femme]

*heads up*

"Mary Claire" is really Bellaboo, openfemme, Silverfemme123, LuckyLiz, Laurel
the totally banned member.


She is using a state agencies computer right now to generate her lies.



Peaches? snicker....Get the name straight, interloper!


You are such a creep~

[dragon]

umm, I was quoting Oregon Femme, just didn't cut and paste correctly, it wasn't my quote mary clare. Can't claim the fame for that one! ;)

[oregon_femme]

umm, I was quoting Oregon Femme, just didn't cut and paste correctly, it wasn't my quote mary clare. Can't claim the fame for that one! ;)

Actually, its MY stalker, in here harrassing me and lying about me, as usual. She is at a state agency using thier computer. Rhon banned her IP, so she goes out of her way to use other puters.

[maryclaire]

The truth is stranger than fiction.

[TxCougar]

couldn't you report the IP to her job?




Actually, its MY stalker, in here harrassing me and lying about me, as usual. She is at a state agency using thier computer. Rhon banned her IP, so she goes out of her way to use other puters.

[dragon]

You guys, this isn't going to end well... I'm pretty sure Rhon & Chris and Company will put an end to this soon.

[maryclaire]

The truth will come out and .....

[oregon_femme]

How ironic that the person who has been terrorizing and humiliating me.would show up right here in this thread!

Her last post here said the truth will come out....well, I do kinda feel like telling the truth. And I hope no one minds. I am not trying to cause problems here, I just want to sort it out, to make some sense of it. To talk about it.


This gal has had it in for me for well over a year. She was upset that the object of her obsession wanted me. She staked and even terrorized that person, the one who didnt want her. Then when she got no where with that, she turned her evil towards me.
Now many of you say, just ignore it. Well, I am not made that way. I can't just ignore it. It affects me very deeply.
She doesnt just use this site as a place to humiliate me. She lives right here in my small town. And she spends a lot of time trying to convince others of what a "loser" I am. She spouts the same retorical BS over and over. She worked as my voc rehab counselor for a couple of days, and she gleaned info from my file. She spread untruths regarding my case all over the place. I am sure what she did was against the law. Breaking confidentiality. She talks of my family, disclosing very personal info. She has sought out another banned member who had sent me violent threats. Hy had sent me a note saying "see you at Pride". I felt so much fear, that I did not attend. This was a celebration that I had worked hard on for many months. Something that I was part of. But seeing hys threats, I did not attend. I found out later that she had invited hym down to her home and brought hym to Pride. She bragged about it right here on this site. She has caused me not to attend social events locally because I do not want to run into her. She is loud and abrasive and a bit scary too.
I try to not pay her any mind, but everytime I turn around she is causing me more grief.
I had considered moving away, disconnecting my internet, anything to get away from her.

I have at the very least, decided to leave this site. This will be my last post. You folks do not need to hear all this. Rhon and Chris do not need thier space eaten up with her garbage, and my subsequent garbage.
I appriciate being given the space and the opportunity to forge great friendships and learn volumes.

I will be back again some day. But for now, its best I say goodbye.

Warm Blessings to you all~

Peace Out,

Pamela

[citybutch]

Where'd she come up with the name maryclaire? :|

I dont know any of the players in this...but the whole thing sounds awful....

[Butchie]

I rate this one a mere 6 (because it keeps playing out with the same results). AND - Maryclaire would be more believable if she confessed the above on her knees in one of those short plaid skirts.

Butchie

[The_Lady_Snow]

Dear wackjob,

I find it amusing that you find My life so interesting and My posts so intriguing.. I also find it amusing that you have no other life but this machine.. I found this thread by chance, but then again everything for it's reason.. I guess if you had some kind of existance in reality you would not see it as Me picking on you and you would not whine constantly about it.. The sadist in Me is *thrilled* that I am so much in your thoughts and that you have the need to do such things.. Ahh My lovely pet, I pray one day you find sanity and that you have a wonderful *journey* in cyberlandia...

My love,

Snow

[BadBabyGrrl]

I rate this one a mere 6 (because it keeps playing out with the same results). AND - Maryclaire would be more believable if she confessed the above on her knees in one of those short plaid skirts.

Butchie

Now that's damn funny!

My two cents...

Being stalked in r/t is tragic...been there and it sucks.

I have a difficult time related to the tragedy of being stalked online. One does have the ability to turn off the pc and end the stalking right?

[motleycruiser]

Is anyone else as amazed as myself at the number of wacker doodles in our community.

Granted I will always admit to loving 3rd party drama (drama I can watch but I'm in no way involved in) but it always amazes me the things people will do to each other.

Why is it people feel the need to make up things to make another person look bad instead of improving on their own character, which will make them look better in the end. Just looking at the accusations a few posts up. Not to be mean to either of you but who really cares what this person has done to you. If its reached a point they are breaking laws then the only people who need to know about it are the police. Your friends/family should know the truth about your true character so, fuck em.

If you noticed Charlie's post we had a little episode recently that has inconvienced us to no end. I didn't come on here spout about what they have done or named names...quite frankly its tacky. We went to the police filed a report & avoided the person, plain & simple. Be who you are and don't engage in the drama then you wont have to defend your actions. The people who matter most to you will know the truth, what does it matter to everyone else who would believe such BS?

Now lets get back to the annoymous fun posts........

[BadBabyGrrl]

Is anyone else as amazed as myself at the number of wacker doodles in our community.

Granted I will always admit to loving 3rd party drama (drama I can watch but I'm in no way involved in) but it always amazes me the things people will do to each other.

The people who matter most to you will know the truth, what does it matter to everyone else who would believe such BS?

Now lets get back to the annoymous fun posts........


*The number of "wacker doodles" has ALWAYS amazed me.

*I found that the less time I spend online interacting with people I don't know r/t the less chance there is for drama to find me.

[motleycruiser]

*I found that the less time I spend online interacting with people I don't know r/t the less chance there is for drama to find me.

amen sister!!!!!

I think people grow brass balls more often when there is little or no face to face contact

[The_Lady_Snow]

amen sister!!!!!

I think people grow brass balls more often when there is little or no face to face contact


I fall in love with you more and more each day mots!! This is why I will always remember our good times at grocery stores and shopping and so on.. I will forever be your wacker doodle babypet!

In stalking mode,

Snow

[maryclaire]

I rate this one a mere 6 (because it keeps playing out with the same results). AND - Maryclaire would be more believable if she confessed the above on her knees in one of those short plaid skirts.

Butchie

I DO spend time on my knees in a plaid school girl skirt PRAYING that my friend is left alone by Madame Wack and then there are the other times ...spent on bended knees but I wont indulge you here.

[shadowboi]

The truth will come out and .....

The truth is you have been removed from this site many times under many names and I've seen it. I've been a member of this site for years, and it's the ones that keep coming back, different names spouting their same rhetorical agenda that have the most to hide.

Do yourself a favor and let whatever is bugging you go. You'll be a much happier person if you free your mind of what other people are doing or not doing and take care of your own business.

I can assure you that Rhon and "Peaches" as you call them aren't concerned about right and wrong. They are concerned with peace, and everyone getting along. Under this new name, use your "ignore" feature so you don't have to read what someone you don't like says.

[shadowboi]

Ok, I have a question. I was going to start my own thread about this, but I think it can come up here. What is the REASON that people stalk? Are they thinking "Ya know, I know this person doesn't like me or want me around, so if I'm up in their face all the time, eventually they'll see the light and we can be around one another." I'm just curious as to what makes them tick? Is it obsession? What?

[BadBabyGrrl]

What is the REASON that people stalk?

I have only been stalked in r/t shadowboi by my ex-hubby. I had just "destroyed his world" so to speak so I was dealing with someone who sought revenge on any level. Certainly not of sound mind and frankly...quite scary.

They want you to be as miserable as they are. :s

[Peach]

MaryBellasilverClair what ever incarnation you are using this time, dont you get, that folks dont CARE what youa re spouting off about? and do not look for support, if you cannot get the name right.

[shadowboi]

I have only been stalked in r/t shadowboi by my ex-hubby. I had just "destroyed his world" so to speak so I was dealing with someone who sought revenge on any level. Certainly not of sound mind and frankly...quite scary.

They want you to be as miserable as they are. :s

Thank you BBG! I've always been curious as to the "why."

[motleycruiser]

Thank you BBG! I've always been curious as to the "why."

I think a lot of people who do it (especially with matters of the heart) are in the mindset if I cant have you then nobody can...or I will make it as difficult as possible for you to be with anyone else.

then there are the compulsive liars that have been doing it for so long they dont know any other way to live

Or there are they ones who are like munchousin (sp?) syndrome people who do it all for the woe is me attention.

I got to where I could predict what charlies crazy would do next...its fun to study them in a sad kind of way sometimes

[shadowboi]

Ok that sorta answered my next question which was "what ends do they hope to achieve from this kind of behavior?" Bugging the snot out of someone isn't exactly the fast track to their heart!

[lighthouselover]

The truth is you have been removed from this site many times under many names and I've seen it. I've been a member of this site for years, and it's the ones that keep coming back, different names spouting their same rhetorical agenda that have the most to hide.

Do yourself a favor and let whatever is bugging you go. You'll be a much happier person if you free your mind of what other people are doing or not doing and take care of your own business.

I can assure you that Rhon and "Peaches" as you call them aren't concerned about right and wrong. They are concerned with peace, and everyone getting along. Under this new name, use your "ignore" feature so you don't have to read what someone you don't like says.
~clapping~
Bravo Bravo!!! I totally stand behind you on this statement there, shadowboi!

[wolfsong069]

Dear wackjob,



Ok this made me laugh.....wackjobs, knobs, polyester pantsuits, and that stupid whiney song, "I Hope You Dance".....where do people come up with this shit?

In all seriousness folks.....the iggy button is an amazingly innovative technology.

For those of you that stalk, those of you that pretend to be stalked, and those of you that complain about being stalked but do nothing rational (the word rational is focus here) about it...try this;

1. Go to work every day (you gotta go every day or this won't work)
2.Come home, hug your kids, listen to what they did at school, rake a big pile of leaves and jump in it with them
3.Go in and cook dinner
4.Help your kids with their homework
5.Watch something good on tv
6.Read a book before bed

When you close your eyes at night thank God, because right now there is someone out there having a hell of a time just living and you have a life that people only dream of.

For those that truly are being stalked.....do the right thing....report it

[The_Lady_Snow]

Ok this made me laugh.....wackjobs, knobs, polyester pantsuits, and that stupid whiney song, "I Hope You Dance".....where do people come up with this shit?

In all seriousness folks.....the iggy button is an amazingly innovative technology.

For those of you that stalk, those of you that pretend to be stalked, and those of you that complain about being stalked but do nothing rational (the word rational is focus here) about it...try this;

1. Go to work every day (you gotta go every day or this won't work)
2.Come home, hug your kids, listen to what they did at school, rake a big pile of leaves and jump in it with them
3.Go in and cook dinner
4.Help your kids with their homework
5.Watch something good on tv
6.Read a book before bed

When you close your eyes at night thank God, because right now there is someone out there having a hell of a time just living and you have a life that people only dream of.

For those that truly are being stalked.....do the right thing....report it





Ahh WolfSong you are amazingly right and wise..... Let us hope that the wackjobs and knobs will take your above advice

*smirks*

[wolfsong069]

Ahh WolfSong you are amazingly right and wise..... Let us hope that the wackjobs and knobs will take your above advice

*smirks*

They say the first step to recovery is recognizing that you have a problem.

On a completely different note....YOU my dear sister, are in amazingly deep doo doo....."I was hopin' you'd soften Hym up for Me?" tsk tsk tsk
Baaaaad Girl

[Bebarb]

[QUOTE=Femfare]I wanted to add just one other thing:



Your "One other thing" was quite educational.
Thank you for posting it.
I learned something today. :)
I agree with your other posts as well.
I read the entire thread before I decided to post.
Thanks for the brain exercise this morning. (l)

[Annie]

I was stalked by an ex who had been physically violent on many occasions during our relationship. I finally escaped the relationship after six years of hell, and countless attempts to shake her from my life, all of which resulted in sever stalking and hysteria on her part. I lived in a constant state of fear at this time.

The stalking would increase and become more severe with each new attempt on my part at separation. The likely cause of this would have been that I had gone back to her each previous time once the stalking got to a point where I was afraid of what might happen if I didn't. So she knew I had a "return point" that she could reach by simply being persistent.

Part of the reason I returned so often was because she had isolated me from everyone in my life so effectively. I had broken ties with friends and family during the relationship (a classic symptom of being in a violent relationship), and I literally had nowhere to go. I didn't have the money to leave town, I needed my job to survive, my son was at shcool locally, and I could not disrupt that, so I had to stay and she was the only emotional "support" (as ironic as that is) that I had.

I don't believe that she intended to do me harm, or that she wanted to make my life miserable. I think she was caught up in a spiral of fear (of not having me in her life any more), and did not understand what she was doing. She was using excessive amounts of cannabis at the time, which clouded her judgments considerably, and reduced her ability to stop behaving impulsively to virtually nil. She had intense issues relating to abandonment (no excuse, but it does help me to understand her a little better).

When I told her that she was stalking me, she was genuinely shocked and horrified that I thought she was a stalker. At the time she was calling my home and leaving me over 40 hysterical and angry messages in an hour (I counted them), and text-messaging my cellphone with obscene and cruel messages. She would threaten to come and "smash" me, my house, my son and my cat. I had no doubt that she would.

She doesn't stalk me any more. I left the country eventually. I received about six emails form her after I left, and I ignored them all. They were all apologetic and, I believe sincere. Then after I did not respond, they became angry (just like the pattern in real time).

The last email I got from her was friendly and told me about her new relationship. She said she misses me and wants to be my friend still. I ignored that too.

When I return to my country I know I can't live near her. Even if she didn't continue to stalk me, I would live under the fear of the previous stalking, and the worry that it would begin again.

I don't condone her behavior, but I do believe that in her mind she never intended to do me harm, and her desperation to show me how much I meant to her (misguided and delusional as it was), was a real attempt to try to share her feelings.

I hope she went into therapy to try to address some of her abandonment issues, because I believe that without real strategies to change and support to do so, she will continue this stalking pattern.

I am of the firm belief that most stalkers are emotionally unstable. Many are mentally ill, and their behaviors can frequently be exacerbated by the use of mind-altering substances such as drugs and alcohol (as in the case of my stalker), which have impeded their ability to think their actions through, or to control impulsive thoughts and behaviors.

Not all stalkers are horrible people. Not all stalkers are crazy. They are all in need of help. They need to find that help themselves, once they get to the point where they realise this way of living isn't working for them. Unfortunately, for many stalkers, this is a highly effective and rewarding experience for them, and that realisation may never actually come to them. Thus the behaviors will continue.

As for the online so-called stalker, I echo the sentiments of others who say use the ignore button, or simply turn the computer off. It's not worth your time or energy to continue giving these people the attention they crave. Let them make themselves look foolish, you don't need to involve yourself in it and thus confirm that you both thrive on drama.

[oregon_femme]

I was going to leave the site, but the more I thought about it, and the more people wrote to me and called me, the more I realized that by leaving, I am giving her my power.

I love this place. Its my online community where I come to "escape" the real world. Why should I let a five-time-banned person cause me to leave?

I am not going anywhere.



But, as far as the online stalking, you all are right, its easy to ignore.


Many thanks to the bunchs of you who took the time to contact me.

I (l) you!

[Dante]

I was going to leave the site, but the more I thought about it, and the more people wrote to me and called me, the more I realized that by leaving, I am giving her my power.

I love this place. Its my online community where I come to "escape" the real world. Why should I let a five-time-banned person cause me to leave?

I am not going anywhere.



But, as far as the online stalking, you all are right, its easy to ignore.


Many thanks to the bunchs of you who took the time to contact me.

I (l) you!

Oh yeh baby!
right on...............
I told you that people are, for the most part, good and kind. Damn.........they were even asking Me what they could do to help. It speaks volumes for the fact that we genuinely care about each other, and that none of us like to see another person dissed, right out in the public forums. And My personal thanks to the people who came right out in defense of My friend, Pam. Being Butch, it is especially hard for Me to witness a femme being attacked and threatened.
Sincerely, Dante
Now.............back to the forum games!

[Bebarb]

I was going to leave the site, but the more I thought about it, and the more people wrote to me and called me, the more I realized that by leaving, I am giving her my power.

I love this place. Its my online community where I come to "escape" the real world. Why should I let a five-time-banned person cause me to leave?

I am not going anywhere.



But, as far as the online stalking, you all are right, its easy to ignore.


Many thanks to the bunchs of you who took the time to contact me.

I (l) you!


YAY!! Good for you Pam. Don't let them have your energy!! (l) (k) (f)

(l) Bebarb

[ALICESHOUSE]

The only person i stalk on this site is ME!..I always come back to see what i wrote the next morning :)..oy ALICE :s .

[Aryon]

(*)HOOOOOOOOORAY !!!!!(*) Oregon_femme's not leaving !!!!(l)
All you dumbass wanna-be-loved stalkers need to get a life :@... and not MINE either !!!;)
Welcome back Oregon_femme!!! (f)(f)(f)(f)(f)(f)(f)(f)(f)(f)(f)(f)

[lighthouselover]

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! Pam's Back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome back, my friend! Hold your head up high and surround yourself with your many friends.

It is great to have you back.

[Aryon]

Ode to a stalker

S is for the shit you bring to lives who don't need you in them
T is for the torrid dreams you have
A is for asshole. yes, we all have one but some have stalker assholes too
L is for life ... get one of your own
K is for kiss ... as in KISS MY ASS
E is for energy ... negative type that you cause
R is for risks that you take to cause pain, be it mental or physical
S is for shit ... as in 'you worthless little shit, how DARE you'

stalkers like people who tell someone they are going to kill themselves are literally screaming out to the authorities "I NEED HELP" ... so this being the case ... go get some.

[wolfsong069]

All you dumbass wanna-be-loved stalkers need to get a life :@... and not MINE either !!!;)




Well....there could be perks to this

Hey Stalker;

1.Mow the lawn cause I wanna watch the White Sox game today

2.Do my laundry, and, as you probably already know, I'm an asshole about whites so use the bleach liberally

3. Don't worry about raking just yet, but I really need to get up on a ladder and get the leaves out of the gutters

4. I forgot to pay the phone bill and well, you know how Deathstar Communications is, they called yesterday. You'd think I owed them a million bucks and hadn't paid in 6 months.

5. Clean the litterbox....I HATE cleaning the litterbox, but you already know that too

6. I'm sorry if you find my posting patterns boring as they ever were...the truth is, I found another website, and under a completely different id, I talk all kinds of shit about you. ;) you'll know yourself when you find it...I'm not really hiding THAT hard.

That's all for today......enjoy......oh hey, one more thing.....spagetti for dinner today ok? ;)

[SweetChrissy]

:@ Look I want you to stop calling me at work, calling my cell phone...Dont you get I dont love, dont want to be friends, I sure as HELL dont want to talk to you....You lying stack of (place curse word now).......PS LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!

[hot-blonde-butch]

Why is it that people who seem to enjoy spreading rumors about others and lying through their teeth get away with things on this site..never mind the stalkers....one person on this forum has nothing better to do then to spread rumors about me and their so called stalker around town. I do not live in Oregon..nor have I been there since Feb yet this woman feels a need to spread rumors about me and her stalker...I have had false acusations about from this person before aboutme..and now again she is spreading false accuastions of me and her stalker having a relationship....what a boring life you must have to come up with all these fantasies..are these lives you wished you had...I met you once or twice and knew you were a loser and still do as I still have my contacts in Oregon...I love how rumors about me spread around a town I do not visit nor live in, nor am I active on any forums she is but still finds garbage to spread around....get a life and you know who you are...

[The_Lady_Snow]

My dearest wackjob,

Ahhhh how sad it is you attempt your silly games... It must burn your ass that My life has gone forward and you are stuck in that crazy plane and wish you had it as good as Me and a couple others eh? Burns your ass doesn't it? Friendships are hard to come by, and I am blessed with the ones I have.. Karma is a bitch My fruity friend... So if you have some time, make up another id and try it again.. We ain't going anywhere and I am not loosing My gifts to the likes of you...

Happy shitting in your pants out of anger Dorkwad!

Kisses (k)

Snow (l)

[Drifter]

Kindness, soft words, patience, gentleness, unconditional love, generosity, and selflessness ---these are the things that bring true love....and it's what got ME the girl...and what a fabulous prize she is!!!

[oregon_femme]

I couldn't find a thread to post this question, so I will use this one.



This is regarding this site and what goes on here.

Let's say someone has a stalking/harrassment order in place.
What if the "respondant" in the case still comes on here (using other names, cause they were banned),and posts things directed at the plaintiff? Is that violating the stalking order? Or no?

Also, what if a third party comes in and relays messeges, threats or untruths directed right at the "plaintiff"?


I know, some of you will say, turn your computer off.

Well, that doesnt seem fair.

I love coming to this site. I have made some very tight friendships here. Many, in fact.

So, not coming to BF due to others mean-spirited (and untrue) posts and continual harrassment seems like a punishment to me. I already feel punished by those I have a stalking order against.

What's a person to do? Any advice?

[BadBabyGrrl]

If the harrassment is done in a form of a private message-don't read it.

If it is done in an open forum, ignore the remark and bring it to Peach's attention.

[shadowboi]

If the harrassment is done in a form of a private message-don't read it.

If it is done in an open forum, ignore the remark and bring it to Peach's attention.

I agree. Don't respond to the posts. Most people don't know who they are talking about unless you out yourself by responding. If they do name you personally, report it to the moderator because that is against the TOS. Harassment is also against the TOS, hence the ignore button. If you don't give a fire fuel, it will burn out.

[Jar]

I couldn't find a thread to post this question, so I will use this one. This is regarding this site and what goes on here. Let's say someone has a stalking/harrassment order in place.

I know, some of you will say, turn your computer off. Well, that doesnt seem fair.I love coming to this site. I have made some very tight friendships here. Many, in fact.

So, not coming to BF due to others mean-spirited (and untrue) posts and continual harrassment seems like a punishment to me. I already feel punished by those I have a stalking order against.

I agree with what BBG said. Report the PM or the forum post to the moderators, especially if they call you by name. There's no point in confronting your stalker on the website and will only bring you down to thier level.

I do understand what you're saying about feeling punished and harassed. I have someone that I dated who follows me around the forum and constantly posts untrue things about the short "relationship" we had ... everything from the intensity of it, to the length of it, to the level of commitment, to what a low life, insensitive jerk I am, how I lied and cheated ..... even posted intimate sexual details ... all being careful not to mention my name. It's constant and it's hard to ignore, but I won't lower myself to her level. In fact, there's a certain satisfaction in finally being able to walk away from her posts without reacting, because the friends that know me in real life, know the truth, and there's not much I can do about the ones who read and don't know me. They'll just have to believe what they will and I have to accept that. I've been around here for years and I won't leave because of her.

My advice is the same ... report the posts, then ignore them and walk away.

[dragon]

Change your screen name, use the ignore feature on the person or people who are irritating you, and get busy doing something else. Try not focusing on the problem, it might go away more easily that way. I've found giving advice to be worthless mostly, and the people who need it most, won't take it. Try a mental shift. Think positive thoughts, surround yourself with nice people, and refuse to respond to negative forces in your world, wherever they may present themselves. It's worth a try. I think it's way better than continuing to deal with this 'problem' when you could just make it go away since you've already done all you can to stop it. Also, people tend to get tired of hearing the same thing over and over, and after a while start to believe you enjoy some of the drama. Some people engage in drama and they actually enjoy it when they can't find other ways to get their emotional needs met. It's just bad for both parties. Stop talking about it, especially in a public forum where the 'stalker' (or whatever word you choose) can see it because you're just feeding the 'monster' this way, and it won't ever die. :|

[wolfsong069]

My dearest wackjob,

Ahhhh how sad it is you attempt your silly games... It must burn your ass that My life has gone forward and you are stuck in that crazy plane and wish you had it as good as Me and a couple others eh? Burns your ass doesn't it? Friendships are hard to come by, and I am blessed with the ones I have.. Karma is a bitch My fruity friend... So if you have some time, make up another id and try it again.. We ain't going anywhere and I am not loosing My gifts to the likes of you...

Happy shitting in your pants out of anger Dorkwad!

Kisses (k)

Snow (l)


Let me just add.....QUIT WHINING.....God you are the biggest baby I have ever met...you've gone on with your life... found someone that is compatible.....found yourself.....now get lost

[Drifter]

If the harrassment is done in a form of a private message-don't read it.

If it is done in an open forum, ignore the remark and bring it to Peach's attention.
Screen your calls, ignore comments posted on this site, it only makes the other person look foolish.

[oregon_femme]

{{{ BadBabyGrrl }}}
{{{ shadowboi }}}
{{{ Jar }}}
{{{ Drifter }}}


Thank you all for your words! And you are so right! I will take your advice. (f)

And...

{{{ Daddy Rhon, Miz Chris, Peach }}} Thanks for making me feel safe. Thanks for banning thier IPs.


I know they still sneak in, but I can IGNORE them. There is power in that.



I (l) all of you very much!

[Bekko]

{{{ BadBabyGrrl }}}
{{{ shadowboi }}}
{{{ Jar }}}
{{{ Drifter }}}


Thank you all for your words! And you are so right! I will take your advice. (f)

And...

{{{ Daddy Rhon, Miz Chris, Peach }}} Thanks for making me feel safe. Thanks for banning thier IPs.


I know they still sneak in, but I can IGNORE them. There is power in that.



I (l) all of you very much!

I'm so glad to see this post, hang tuff......never give up control. I'm glad to see you're back posting.

[lighthouselover]

I have read these posts and have talked to friends who have been stalked and now I'm gonna go on a rant......
I think that people who stalk have some serious issues.
What do you get out of making people miserable? What do you get out of making people afraid? What do you get out of creating unnecessary drama for innocent people? What do you get out of driving by their homes? What do you get out of stopping and talking to their children as they play in their own yard? What happened to you in your life to make you such a messed up individual that you want to impose this type of fear in people? You make it where the police have to be involved......therefore, our tax dollars are being wasted on the type of trash you have become. I have a major issue with that. I have a big time issue having to put my tax dollars to use having to rid the streets and society of nasty lowlife trash like you. Crawl back under that rock you crawled out of and leave the decent and good people alone. You are not wanted and it is obvious as to why. Grow up for goodness sake! You are immature, indespicable, and above all just flat out insane!!!!!!

Ok, I think I'm done with my rant now. I just have absolutely no tolerance for complete stupidity and that is what stalking is. STUPID PEOPLE ACTING TOTALLY STUPID.

[Orchid]

Ok that sorta answered my next question which was "what ends do they hope to achieve from this kind of behavior?" Bugging the snot out of someone isn't exactly the fast track to their heart!


In some cases I think stalking is born from other disorders the stalker may have. One such disorder is; Agoraphobia which is an abnormal fear of leaving ones home, wide open spaces, the new or a long awaited outing to the mall . . . . . . hmmm when you're trying so desperately to go unnoticed trying to keep your head down . .. but then for some reason you look up and the sea of people and walls go on forever and a near fainting darkness sets in. This kind of disorder isolates a person. They reach out to the world in any way they can in a desperate attempt to feel like they belong. The most efficient way for an agoraphobic to do this now a days is the internet, web cam and phones. You can develop quite a relationship with some one using these devises even grow to love them. But how could they ever love you back when you’re so cowardly so weakened by this emotionally crippling disability that holds you tight in its grip (u).
This is where the stalking sets in. The person becomes hopelessly set upon being loved in return; they began learning everything they can in hopes they can learn to be what their Beloved wants and needs. Studying their line of work, researching their favorite, music, sports learning to cook the foods they like and such. They think "If only they love me back I’ll be worth something and then maybe later down the line after the marriage, deflowering (l) and 3 kids we’ll have a good laugh about how stalking helped us get together.



oh and FYI if you suspect some 1 is stalking you do not open files from them (a) .

[lighthouselover]

This is the LAST time I will say this....

DON'T STALK ME!!!! You know who you are. Don't send me anymore messages and don't be sending messages to people who have nothing to do with the way things are. You are truly showing your psycho side and enough is well past enough. I do not want to hear from you or about you. Find something else to do with your life besides giving me and others a hard time.

[oregon_femme]

{{{ Pat! }}} I got your back cutie pie!


Orchid, I loved your explaination. I found it to be a sad state of our times, but very true.

I believe obsession causes people to stalk. Unrequited love.


But another big reason people stalk is for malice.

I have a gal who continually dogs me here on BF. And the second I post something she can "use" against me. For example, if it sounds like I am talking about someone here in our small community, she prints it up and rushes out to tell the world. I have since become more careful in what I post.


Now this particular person has a life. She gets out of her house. Leads a "normal" life in r/t.
And so her sole purpose of staking and harrassing me is to cause me grief. She even obtains fake usernames here and goes on to post horrid things, knowing I will see them.

Her staking goes beyond the normal range. She appears to be bordering on insanity. She and I never went out, she has no reason to hate me. The thing is, she choses victims who are "weaker" than her. And then proceeds to try and tear them down.
Perhaps it makes her feel like a bigger person.


At least I have learned from this, and grown. I am no longer afraid of her. And I have learned not to feed into her insanity.

So, again, thanks to Butch-femme.com, I am much wiser! (f)

[Orchid]

{{{ Pat! }}} I got your back cutie pie!


Orchid, I loved your explaination. I found it to be a sad state of our times, but very true.

I believe obsession causes people to stalk. Unrequited love.


But another big reason people stalk is for malice.

I have a gal who continually dogs me here on BF. And the second I post something she can "use" against me. For example, if it sounds like I am talking about someone here in our small community, she prints it up and rushes out to tell the world. I have since become more careful in what I post.


Now this particular person has a life. She gets out of her house. Leads a "normal" life in r/t.
And so her sole purpose of staking and harrassing me is to cause me grief. She even obtains fake usernames here and goes on to post horrid things, knowing I will see them.

Her staking goes beyond the normal range. She appears to be bordering on insanity. She and I never went out, she has no reason to hate me. The thing is, she choses victims who are "weaker" than her. And then proceeds to try and tear them down.
Perhaps it makes her feel like a bigger person.


At least I have learned from this, and grown. I am no longer afraid of her. And I have learned not to feed into her insanity.

So, again, thanks to Butch-femme.com, I am much wiser! (f)



*smile* aww Thanks for your kind words and for having my back (a) . I really appreciate your understanding.
And yea your type of stalker does sound border line insane :| . I’m not sure what would drive a person to be so malicious to another, who they didn’t even know. I mean really now, What’s the point? I wish she would leave you alone. But Its refreshing to hear that you’ve learned from this, and that you took back your energy she once fed upon. Thanks again for your response and for sharing (f)

[Orchid]

Well....there could be perks to this

Hey Stalker;

1.Mow the lawn cause I wanna watch the White Sox game today

2.Do my laundry, and, as you probably already know, I'm an asshole about whites so use the bleach liberally

3. Don't worry about raking just yet, but I really need to get up on a ladder and get the leaves out of the gutters

4. I forgot to pay the phone bill and well, you know how Deathstar Communications is, they called yesterday. You'd think I owed them a million bucks and hadn't paid in 6 months.

5. Clean the litterbox....I HATE cleaning the litterbox, but you already know that too

6. I'm sorry if you find my posting patterns boring as they ever were...the truth is, I found another website, and under a completely different id, I talk all kinds of shit about you. ;) you'll know yourself when you find it...I'm not really hiding THAT hard.

That's all for today......enjoy......oh hey, one more thing.....spagetti for dinner today ok? ;)





Hmmmm (k) wolfsong I know your just playing around with those orders and don't Seriously mean them but oh your comands are still so HOT! Wish my stalkie would take advantage of me like that. Order me to do what ever hy wished (a). Tee hee. but no *rolling eyes* its always, "Hey Orchid I think you left your binoculars in my tree last night. Come on over and pick them up" or “*humming* What da . .. oh Hey orchid whatcha doin under my bed lil one?”
*shaking head* ah well, perhaps someday.

please excuse my playful exaggeration if there uncalled for (a)

[lighthouselover]

{{{ Pat! }}} I got your back cutie pie!


Orchid, I loved your explaination. I found it to be a sad state of our times, but very true.

I believe obsession causes people to stalk. Unrequited love.


But another big reason people stalk is for malice.

I have a gal who continually dogs me here on BF. And the second I post something she can "use" against me. For example, if it sounds like I am talking about someone here in our small community, she prints it up and rushes out to tell the world. I have since become more careful in what I post.


Now this particular person has a life. She gets out of her house. Leads a "normal" life in r/t.
And so her sole purpose of staking and harrassing me is to cause me grief. She even obtains fake usernames here and goes on to post horrid things, knowing I will see them.

Her staking goes beyond the normal range. She appears to be bordering on insanity. She and I never went out, she has no reason to hate me. The thing is, she choses victims who are "weaker" than her. And then proceeds to try and tear them down.
Perhaps it makes her feel like a bigger person.


At least I have learned from this, and grown. I am no longer afraid of her. And I have learned not to feed into her insanity.

So, again, thanks to Butch-femme.com, I am much wiser! (f)

Thanks, Pam.
It's great to know who your friends are.

[CountryBoi]

Dear Stalkers,

It seems without justification you are trying to discredit me in this community - talk about controlling and manipulating. Personally, all I see is...stalking. How can you and your partner in crime come off as so righteous, yet be on this crusade to do me harm. I have not had any dealings with either of you in some time. Yet, you both it seems, have conspired for no other reason than to "get even". Why are people that say they are so "happy" in their current relationships have nothing better to do than to make the life of an ex miserable? What does this truly say about you? If you are so "happy", then good for you...so why not move on. Apparently you want to be afforded the benefit of change, yet I'm not. So why are you trying to deny me the one thing you say you have...happiness. You both have collectively taken cheap shots at me before, which, I might add...continues. I find it interesting that the lies you believe to be truth, could be the lie. When is it enough?

[welsh grrl]

I just came across this thread last night. I read it from top to bottom... I'm not going to get into my stalker experiences here, but I just wanted to talk about something that was coming to mind at the time.

Oh! First of all, thanks Femfare - your comments were really helpful to me - It's great to get ther perspective of someone who deals with this kind of thing on a daily basis ...

What I was thinking about was this: A common theme with people who have stalking behaviour *seems* to be their general disregard for other people's welfare (i.e. they don't give a crap if you're scared or not, they want to call/e'mail/follow you anyway). Another theme seems to be that they somehow think that *any* kind of contact is "good" contact. No matter if it ends negatively each time.

As I was doing some reading today, I came across a study that was conducted in 1995 (Blair) that concluded that psychopaths (or, people with anti-social personality disorder) have difficulty in "reading" both facial expressions and verbal intonations - as well as other people's emotions. In another study (Hare, 1978), psychopaths showed a reduced fear in anticipation of upcoming shock as opposed to control subjects. In other words, they show less anticipatory fear of negative events - i.e. the tongue-lashing they're going to get if they call you for the 10th time tonight. And lastly, they are relatively unable to control their impulses (Newman, Kosson & Patterson, 1992), and are also significantly less able to delay gratification (i.e. *not* call you, or follow you when they have the impulse).

I think mostly importantly to the topic of this thread, psychopaths appear to accurately remember past contingencies, but are less able to adjust their future expectancies accordingly. Meaning, if at some point you had a relationship, they will be resistant to fully taking in any negative happenings after the fact as being as significant as the fact that you had a relationship at some point (this could mean a lover relationship, friendship, or whatever). They hold on to what came first. They have great difficulty in changing their behaviour, and have difficulty linking their own behaviour with negative outcomes in order to avoid inappropriate responses. Hm. I think many of us on this thread can probably relate to this!

So, am I saying that every person who has ever "stalked" is a psychopath? No... I'm not saying that. It's interesting though... the corrolaries...

[welsh grrl]

Whoops! Reading my post (*after* clicking send, of course) I realize that I didn't mean to say (re: Femfare) that you deal with stalking on a daily basis. Through reading your posts I got the feeling that you had quite a bit of knowledge about the subject, but I don't want to imply that you deal with this kind of thing every day... Hm. Read before sending - good idea.... ;-)

[The_Lady_Snow]

Dear stalker,

Don't you hate it when you send folks to do your dirty work and don't ya just hate i all the shit I called you and how I do not give a shit about your crazy ass..

Respectfully,

Snow

P.S>
ALways remember girl I am a minion and will continue to be so....

[shadowboi]

*stalking the snowy one*

I'm only a little crazy :s

[The_Lady_Snow]

*stalking the snowy one*

I'm only a little crazy :s


That is consentual stalking shadow that kind of interaction I enjoy boi;)

[GemmeFemme]

*marking for future posting*

[RealPoetsWriteNPen]

Oh to have found the perfect place to speak....happy happy clappy!

To you that have nothing better to TRY to cause crap in our lives

I have to laugh, as it is quite amuzing sometimes that you think you can change your "identity" a thousand times and never get caught.

I sometimes wish however that you realized that you really keep making your self look crazier everytime you do, and i kinda feel bad for you.
I understand you have a sickness, and you cant help that your phsyophrenic (that skitz/phsyco togetherness is great) because you whole damn family is crazy.
And i really do feel sorry for you, because sometimes i think if you were born mentally retarded youd have been better off.
But your you and i cannot change that, all i can do is deal and try as hard as hell to stay away. although after we moved, when you followed by moving to our town as well i was a little freaked out. I wonder where the line in your head is. do you have one that you thhink should not be crossed? and if not whats next? If you do how far do you stretch it, because god knows you stretch the truth farther than anyone ive ever met, an i cant imagine how you can keep it all together. I guess if you believe your own lies its alot easier to live with them.

i dont know, im sure i could find tons of other things to say to you, but for now im just gonna leave this. im sure ill come back and add to it.

[oregon_femme]

First.....Real Poets! Hi, my friend! Great to see you!! (f)
I am sorry you are being bothered. Want me to beat em up for you? (h)



Second, big hugs to those of you going through this stuff.

CountryBoi, I don't ever see you around much, please tell me they didnt chase you off??

ChicagoButch, what a funny story! Your ex sure sounds like a nut! Wonder if she will ever figure out that she is the problem??


Blessings to everyone,and blessings to the stalkers too...they prolly need it more than we do!

[lighthouselover]

Why don't you just go away? For someone that openly states how happy and in love you are, you sure spend alot of time stalking me and my girl. Whenever one of us posts, you are right there posting directly behind us. Just leave us alone. We have not bothered you. I want absolutely no contact with you. Is your butch just not keeping you busy and happy that you have nothing to do but bother us? Get a life will you!!!!! You are totally immature. You think that your professions of love to your "alleged" other half make me jealous, they don't. I really don't care. So save your energy for whenever you really are actually moving....if that is even the truth. It is done and over between you and I. The whole thing was a total mistake!!!!!!

Leave us alone!!!!!!

[jennyk_x3]

Why don't you just go away? For someone that openly states how happy and in love you are, you sure spend alot of time stalking me and my girl. Whenever one of us posts, you are right there posting directly behind us. Just leave us alone. We have not bothered you. I want absolutely no contact with you. Is your butch just not keeping you busy and happy that you have nothing to do but bother us? Get a life will you!!!!! You are totally immature. You think that your professions of love to your "alleged" other half make me jealous, they don't. I really don't care. So save your energy for whenever you really are actually moving....if that is even the truth. It is done and over between you and I. The whole thing was a total mistake!!!!!!

Leave us alone!!!!!!


Yep I feel like I have a shadow everywhere I go. Or perhaps grown another ass! :@

[sam_i_am]

pete and repete sharing a glass
one takes a drink but they both look like an ass
one has a post.....but the other is to slow to answer
one goes home to boo hoo and pout....too bad the weekend was busted all to hell...guess it's too late to follow her home now....too bad for good ol' dad

[lighthouselover]

pete and repete sharing a glass
one takes a drink but they both look like an ass
one has a post.....but the other is to slow to answer
one goes home to boo hoo and pout....too bad the weekend was busted all to hell...guess it's too late to follow her home now....
Like I said, y'all can't keep each other happy so you have to TRY to torment others. How immature can you be!!!!!!

[jennyk_x3]

Need I say more? :|

[lighthouselover]

Need I say more? :|
Now Jen, don't go repeating. LOL. They're so busy worrying about our weekend that they just can't get on with their lives. How pitiful and pathetic!!

[MountainGirl]

Ahem!!!


I love ALL four of you, so I feel its okay to say....


KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!!!


Peace out~


Oh my, this is bad behavior. (Not YOU OF, this mini-series here). C'mon guys, don't do this...hit the ignore button and just move on already. You ARE posting on a public place so you know you're stuff is going to be read.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Dear stalker,

Don't cha hate it when you loose control and publicly make an ass out of yourself?? Heh.. I know I enjoyed it.. The sadist in Me turned this machine off and laughed for hours knowing how your panties were in a wad.. Sucks to be you, sitting there wondering, is she here? Where is she posting?? And to think unlike you My little pet, I have a life and had not turned on this machine on till today..

Enjoy my life,

Snow

[aprettydress]

dear stalker,

thank you for thinking of me...

:@ :@ :@

as i never, ever ever ever EVER think about you and i HATE HATE HATE HATE you and you DO NOT consume my thoughts! :@ :@ :@

dress

note: i have no stalkers, this was thread-interpretive dance.

[oregon_femme]

Even though you have been banned many times over, I still see you come on here. And I know you do it just to stalk me.
I feel bad for you, that you need to get your kicks that way.
But also, I guess I owe you thanks. I have learned so much from you.
I have learned to be more private. I have learned that my self esteem is not dependent upon one person's incorrect opinion of me.
I have learned that people will believe whatever they chose to believe, and that it is none of my concern.

Now that I have risen above your bullshit, and gone out into our small town, I am learning that it is YOU that is considered a nutcase.
Its YOU with the bad reputation.
And the more people get to know me, the more they see that you are an even bigger liar than they realized.
I have talked to others that you have hurt. Thier lives will never be the same.

Its sad and disturbing that you need to pick "victims" and then proceed to make thier lives miserable. You must be a sad, lonely person.

I do wish you luck with your ventures. I know you cant be happy. The things I hear about you are awful. You have ruined your own reputation. I suspect that you will have to move away because of it.

One more thing, little sicko stalker...the very person you tried the hardest to turn against me is the one I now date.

You could have had fun here at BF.com. But instead you chose to use it as a venue for your obsessive hatred of me. And it got you no where.


I am bigger and stronger because of you...........

[oregon_femme]

LOL

I see you rushed right in to see what I had written to you!
That makes me laugh right out loud, Bellaboo!


So, since you are so interested in what I have to say, here is some more for you...


You say "poor thing bleaches her hair to try and catch a Butch"
I say...I dye my hair blonde cause I like it that way. I do it for me. And it makes me look H O T.

You say "she looks like she was rode hard and put away wet"
I say....I look better than you any day of the week, and have been told so by several who know us both.

You say "she sits on the computer all day trying to land a Butch"
I say....I dont need to land anybody. I have more offers than I know what to do with most of the time.

Lets go over a couple of facts, shall we...

Mr. Cutie Pants chose ME, not you. Thats got to be worth something.

I don't feel the need to go around town "warning" others about you, they already know all about you!

Just because you were able to duck my stalking/harrassment orders this time around, doesn't mean I won't file again, should the need arise. And I will make sure you get served.

[lissa]

dear stalker,

thank you for thinking of me...

:@ :@ :@

as i never, ever ever ever EVER think about you and i HATE HATE HATE HATE you and you DO NOT consume my thoughts! :@ :@ :@

dress

note: i have no stalkers, this was thread-interpretive dance.


You sure have a perdy mouth..


was that stalker like enough for you??
I can go on if need be..


Stalking dress as I type..

[resqx]

dear stalker,

thank you for thinking of me...

:@ :@ :@

as i never, ever ever ever EVER think about you and i HATE HATE HATE HATE you and you DO NOT consume my thoughts! :@ :@ :@

dress

note: i have no stalkers, this was thread-interpretive dance.


do you like soup? :|

[fancyfreckle]

do you like soup? :|


did someone say soup???

[resqx]

did someone say soup???


do YOU like soup? :|

[fancyfreckle]

do YOU like soup? :|


Yep. But I wasn't stalking you. :)

[resqx]

Yep. But I wasn't stalking you. :)


hmmmm...why not? :|

[fancyfreckle]

hmmmm...why not? :|

Ok. Now I am.


LOL ....boredom is killing me!!! *:| *

[resqx]

Ok. Now I am.


LOL ....boredom is killing me!!! *:| *



oh ok :|

not flattered

so...do you like soup?

[fancyfreckle]

oh ok :|

not flattered

so...do you like soup?

:P What kind of soup? Can you be a little more specific?

[resqx]

:P What kind of soup? Can you be a little more specific?



hmmm cream of celery? maybe something boring like that?

[Trinity3]

hmmm cream of celery? maybe something boring like that?


Creeeeeeeeaaaaammmmm of mushroom

[resqx]

Creeeeeeeeaaaaammmmm of mushroom


celery is boringer...more boring :|

[Trinity3]

celery is boringer...more boring :|


oh sowwy were we talking of boring....oh well then plain tomato soup is boring

[resqx]

oh sowwy were we talking of boring....oh well then plain tomato soup is boring


i stalked fancyfreckle...she still has girl scout cookies :|

[fancyfreckle]

i stalked fancyfreckle...she still has girl scout cookies :|


MMMhhhhmmmm....and they're mine, all MINE, I say.... Muahahahaha;)

[resqx]

MMMhhhhmmmm....and they're mine, all MINE, I say.... Muahahahaha;)


fine...no soup for you :|

maybe those cookies are stale by now anyway.....

[fancyfreckle]

fine...no soup for you :|


http://www.icecoldtshirts.com/prodimages/6_large_d.bmp

[MissZMindy]

:o I heard talk of Girl Scout cookies and just had to come in here!

<sidles up to fancy and whispers> "are they Thin Mints, by chance?"
<wondering if maybe fancy will share one or two>

I have fudgecicles and orange creamcicles to swap.....

[resqx]

I have fudgecicles and orange creamcicles to swap.....



hmmmmm :|

how can i get some?(i)

[MissZMindy]

hmmmmm :|

how can i get some?(i)

Well if you can get me some Girl Scout cookies, I'm sure I could get you some of my ice cream! I mean, fair is fair, right?

[lissa]

Thin Mints????

Did I hear Thin Mints?

I have for trade:

Ciabatta Bread
Tuscan Bread
Sourdough round


All of which, go very well with soup..

[fancyfreckle]

:o I heard talk of Girl Scout cookies and just had to come in here!

<sidles up to fancy and whispers> "are they Thin Mints, by chance?"
<wondering if maybe fancy will share one or two>

I have fudgecicles and orange creamcicles to swap.....


fudgecicles???? OK!!! Yes, I haven't opened the thin mints yet.... :D

[FemmeNextDoor]

i've got Ghirardelli milk chocolate squares with caramel filling.

[MissZMindy]

fudgecicles???? OK!!! Yes, I haven't opened the thin mints yet.... :D

<grins and uploads 2 fudgecicles to fancy>

whooooooooooo whoooooooooooooo I'm getting thin mints!

Doin' big ole happy dance/jiggle!(h)

[lissa]

Damn.. what is the world coming to when homemade bread is passed over for ice cream..

But then again..

fuggies... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[MissZMindy]

i've got Ghirardelli milk chocolate squares with caramel filling.

Oh my! chocolate and carmel... and it's Ghirardelli? <sighs in delight> uh, wanna trade? cuz I have a whole box of 12 fudgecicles and 12 orange creamsicles...

Ooooops, sorry make that 10 fudgecicles, cuz I just uploaded two to fancy

<narrows eyes and looks around> hmmm... I do believe that frecklish gal made off without paying up with cookies!!!! :s drats! Foiled! :|

[FemmeNextDoor]

Oh my! chocolate and carmel... and it's Ghirardelli? <sighs in delight> uh, wanna trade? cuz I have a whole box of 12 fudgecicles and 12 orange creamsicles...

Ooooops, sorry make that 10 fudgecicles, cuz I just uploaded two to fancy
I'd actually love some of the orange creamsicles. TY.

[FemmeNextDoor]

Damn.. what is the world coming to when homemade bread is passed over for ice cream..

But then again..

fuggies... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i'll trade you some ghirardelli for some tuscan bread!

[MissZMindy]

I'd actually love some of the orange creamsicles. TY.

Ok, but let's upload our goodies at the same time... methinks fancyfreckle made off with my fudgies without payin' up in cookies! :o then again, maybe she had to go find them from her secret treasure chest! ;)

[resqx]

where do you buy your fudgies? wawa?

[MissZMindy]

where do you buy your fudgies? wawa?

wawa? what's that? :|

I get them at the grocery store silly!

[resqx]

wawa? what's that? :|

I get them at the grocery store silly!



no wawa?? what is wrong with the world? :|

[MissZMindy]

no wawa?? what is wrong with the world? :|

<hands on hips> now how can I get them at wawa if I don't know what a wawa is? <narrows eyes at resqx> you wouldn't be teasing me now would ya?

[femmegirrl]

wawa is a convience store!

[FemmeNextDoor]

<hands on hips> now how can I get them at wawa if I don't know what a wawa is? <narrows eyes at resqx> you wouldn't be teasing me now would ya?
res never jokes about the wawa.
:o

[resqx]

wawa is a convience store!


thank you femmegirrl...somebody with some sense.


its much much more then that tho

[resqx]

res never jokes about the wawa.
:o


never...its sacred (a)

[femmegirrl]

thank you femmegirrl...somebody with some sense.
any time resqx (f)
i was just there yesterday

[resqx]

any time resqx (f)
i was just there yesterday


how do they survive without a wawa? :( makes me sad...

[MissZMindy]

thank you femmegirrl...somebody with some sense.


its much much more then that tho

are you saying I'm senseless? :o :| ;)

[FemmeNextDoor]

never...its sacred (a)
as sacred as shorti.

*edited to add*

how do they survive without a wawa? :( makes me sad...
i want one! :'(

[resqx]

are you saying I'm senseless? :o :| ;)



ummmm no....just unaware...deprived (a)

[MissZMindy]

how do they survive without a wawa? :( makes me sad...

hmmmmmm I'll never know...
Is it as good as 7-11?
I loooooooove slurpees!
Coke slurpees make me smile all big and stuff!

[resqx]

as sacred as shorti.


you know it sister ;)

[MissZMindy]

ummmm no....just unaware...deprived (a)

hmmm... i always thought that was depraved! <giggles>

[femmegirrl]

ummm wawa is better than 7-11!


i wanna peach smoothie!

[resqx]

7-11's got nothing on wawa

i think i need to start a wawa thread (i)

[FemmeNextDoor]

you know it sister ;)
;)
and thank the stars for wawa on the webweb
no res that was not a snicker

[MissZMindy]

ummm wawa is better than 7-11!


i wanna peach smoothie!

<eyes all big>
and I thought 7-11 was best!

<still thinkin someones teasin me though>:s

[resqx]

;)
and thank the stars for wawa on the webweb
no res that was not a snicker



hmmmm ... :|

[FemmeNextDoor]

hmmmm ... :|
Aw, res, you know I'd never disrespect the wawa.
(a)

[MissZMindy]

hmmm... ok, so I did a search on the web and found wawa...

who on earth names their store wawa? <grins>

and nope, there are none near me....

[femmegirrl]

you should hear the commericals..."gotta have a wawa......"

[MissZMindy]

you should hear the commericals..."gotta have a wawa......"

well I guess growing up in MI and now living in IL I just truly am deprived! :'(

hmmmmff! and just when I was thinking life was good too!:|

[femmegirrl]

lol awww come on down to the south and sam and i will take you to wawa!

[MissZMindy]

lol awww come on down to the south and sam and i will take you to wawa!

Hmmmmm... warm weather... wawa.... and hospitality all in one! sounds like a plan to me!

But then, whatever will I do if I LIKE it and then have to return to plain ole 7-11

[femmegirrl]

lol.. i can make you up a wawa care package! or come stay with us for a bit and get some wawa indulgences to last a while!

[MissZMindy]

Indulgences? (6) I like that word!

<reminds self to behave!>(a)

[femmegirrl]

lol.. i like lotsa words..mostly the ones daddi teaches me...*winks*

[MissZMindy]

lol.. i like lotsa words..mostly the ones daddi teaches me...*winks*

<grins> and I'm sure indulgences was one of those!

<whispers> aren't Daddies the bestest?

[femmegirrl]

oh yes..especially when you find the daddi you have always been looking for....

*smiling and giving you a big hug*

[MissZMindy]

oh yes..especially when you find the daddi you have always been looking for....

*smiling and giving you a big hug*

thanks! *hugs ya back* guess I haven't found mine yet. But it's ok...

*peeks at the bottom and sees luvin lurkin*

I bet he's trying to figure out the mystery of the great wawa! <giggles> Didja find your wawa yet luvin?

[femmegirrl]

lol wawa a way of life

[luvin61]

thanks! *hugs ya back* guess I haven't found mine yet. But it's ok...

*peeks at the bottom and sees luvin lurkin*

I bet he's trying to figure out the mystery of the great wawa! <giggles> Didja find your wawa yet luvin?


lol,,naw we dont have wawa's here,,at 1st I had to check ya'lls location cause I thought ya was talking about whattaburger in texas,,lol!

[sam_i_am]

lol.. i can make you up a wawa care package! or come stay with us for a bit and get some wawa indulgences to last a while!
hmmm....no wawa on this side of the mountain babygirrl.....must just be a tale of the darkside....you'll find plenty of gomart, 7-11, or sheets though

[femmegirrl]

hmmm i love you and want to wish you a merry christmas daddi!!!!!! you are my heart and soul forever and always!!!!!!!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Dear wacko noodle stalker,

So I have been afar for sometime, yet still you think I am on this forum *lurking* under different ids.. Even when I am busy with holidays and family you assume the wrong... I do hope you get a life and find some kind of happiness during this holiday season, as a New Years resolution I will start out by wishing you a good New Year and that you get some kind of diversion but what I am doing...

Forever yours as a minion,

Snow

[MissZMindy]

Dear wacko noodle stalker,

So I have been afar for sometime, yet still you think I am on this forum *lurking* under different ids.. Even when I am busy with holidays and family you assume the wrong... I do hope you get a life and find some kind of happiness during this holiday season, as a New Years resolution I will start out by wishing you a good New Year and that you get some kind of diversion but what I am doing...

Forever yours as a minion,

Snow

awwww... Ms. Snow... you should join us for some smiles in the wawa thread!

[resqx]

they have wacky noodles too :)

[MissZMindy]

they have wacky noodles too :)

can you use a wacky noodle to spank a naughty girl?(6)

[femmegirrl]

so.. spankings in here with whacky wawa noodles.......

[MissZMindy]

so.. spankings in here with whacky wawa noodles.......

well maybe for you miss naughty girl.........but I keep tellin ya i'm an angel damn... i mean darn it! :|

[femmegirrl]

well maybe for you miss naughty girl.........but I keep tellin ya i'm an angel damn... i mean darn it! :|
hehe maybe............

[TxCougar]

*grin*

I see you...don't think I don't!

[lissa]

i'll trade you some ghirardelli for some tuscan bread!


Sigh.. I think I'm the only grrl in the world who doesn't like ghirardellis..


But you can have the tuscan for the sweet offer..

Uploading the flourie goodness..

[The_Lady_Snow]

Dear Nutcase,

So...... Still blaming everyone else eh?? Such a shame... BTW I was not around lurking so that so called fear you have you wasted it.. I was out and about here in real life.. Though I know you are still blaming Me, the devil, hym, her them and everyone for all the things you are responsible for.. Laterz and I shall let you get back to wondering what I am doing and being paranoid and shit..

*kisses* and have a wonderful New Years luv,

Snowy ;)

[ShaneShugga]

Yo!

Step the fu*k off!

[theeladyscorpian]

omg i think i'm being stalked:o lol you need to back away from the Tee as i should warn you my sting is deadly and it's no fun being stalked by those you stalk don't believe me ask my ex....i think i cured her stalker needs....

Quite frankly if you don't like me who the F&*% cares if i lived on who liked and disliked me i'd be a miracle dying and being revived constantly roflllllllll....get a damn lyfe....i mean really hun....sad commentary on the fullness of your lyfe for realll!

and have a nice day....:)

[The_Lady_Snow]

Dear wacky tabacky..

You still suck.. I think wow I have all this other stuff in My life and you honestly think I am lurking around asking about your where abouts?? Wow.. You give yourself alot of credit no?? Tell ya what loony toon.. I figure you are on your back with your mouth full..

Much luvins,

Snow

[oregon_femme]

Dear wacky tabacky..



Hey! Are you talking to my STASH?
Has it been bothering you?
I'll have a talk with it, and make it leave you alone. (f)

[The_Lady_Snow]

Hey! Are you talking to my STASH?
Has it been bothering you?
I'll have a talk with it, and make it leave you alone. (f)


*laughing* Jeezle yanno I just realized what the hell wacky tabacky was... In My attempt to not call the nincampoop every disgusting name in public wacky tabacky sounded insulting :| Who knew it was yours and that mayhap in some form it does haunt Me.... :s :s :s :o

[TopDadddy]

Dear Stalkers, (I'm so lucky to have more than one) :| :s

I think I'm done giving you stuff to thread stalk me with for a while... Have a nice little life, just do it without Me!!

BTW thanks for the hassle, it's been a real blast *shaking my head*

Hasta la vista

[oregon_femme]

Dear Stalkers, (I'm so lucky to have more than one) :| :s

I think I'm done giving you stuff to thread stalk me with for a while... Have a nice little life, just do it without Me!!

BTW thanks for the hassle, it's been a real blast *shaking my head*

Hasta la vista





You know whats sad, TD?
It sad that by thier actions, we must give up our rights. Our right to feel safe here, our right to freely share we are thinking or going through.

They read our posts because they hate us, because they want to get more fuel for thier hatred from our words. Knowing they sit there, full of bitterness, reading our stuff, that feels so icky to me.

I never post any real thoughts anymore. My crazy stalker reads everything, and even prints it up. She lives in my small town, so its especially creepy.
I feel violated that she comes here with her new names, and posts hatred about me. And the poor Mods, always having to come and clean up her shit, directed at me. That makes me feel guilty. Like I am somehow bringing this garbage to the forums.
It looks like her IP has been banned, but she still logs in to read. She has gone to great lengths to use other computers to post her BS.
I used to repsond to her. I used to let it bother me greatly. I have learned to give her none of my energy, none of my time. I feel pretty sorry for her.

I hope you don't let them have your power, TD. And for god's sake, don't let them chase you out of here!! (f)

Thanks for letting me ramble, you all

Peace Out

[Dante]

You know whats sad, TD?
It sad that by thier actions, we must give up our rights. Our right to feel safe here, our right to freely share we are thinking or going through.

They read our posts because they hate us, because they want to get more fuel for thier hatred from our words. Knowing they sit there, full of bitterness, reading our stuff, that feels so icky to me.

I never post any real thoughts anymore. My crazy stalker reads everything, and even prints it up. She lives in my small town, so its especially creepy.
I feel violated that she comes here with her new names, and posts hatred about me. And the poor Mods, always having to come and clean up her shit, directed at me. That makes me feel guilty. Like I am somehow bringing this garbage to the forums.
It looks like her IP has been banned, but she still logs in to read. She has gone to great lengths to use other computers to post her BS.
I used to repsond to her. I used to let it bother me greatly. I have learned to give her none of my energy, none of my time. I feel pretty sorry for her.

I hope you don't let them have your power, TD. And for god's sake, don't let them chase you out of here!! (f)

Thanks for letting me ramble, you all

Peace Out


Kudos to you pam! well said .........
*hands TD another cigar *

[Miss July]

Book Marking this Thread for sure!

[fancyfreckle]

I've read this thread from time to time, and it always makes me scratch my head. Just how does one know they have a stalker? Isn't stalking a stealth activity? What am I missing here? How covert is a stalker if you know they are there? Wouldn't that be called a pest instead?

((((Oregon)))) I'm so sorry to hear that someone would be that lifeless and mean spirited. You are fortunate, though to have many people out here who are friends and have much respect for you.

I've wondered aimlessly when I cruise this thread if I ever had or do have a stalker, but how conceited of me to imagine someone wanting to read every word that drops from my fingertips. (with the exception of Glynn ;) ) Again, how would I even know?

I recently read on another thread (stalking someone else -j/k) that there are about 13K registered users out here. Of course, with that amount (whether real or multiple user names for individuals) there will be those that follow others as a form of entertainment? That could be a compliment or very eerie all the same...

I've been known to see a post by someone of interest, go on to read their profile, read the last several threads they posted on, and check their gallery.... to me this is just being an informed potential friend - or at the very least being aware of who I'm talking to. There's no intention of romance or drama - just plain 'ol curiosity. Is that stalking? If so, aren't we all?
...just rambling and enjoying a boring Sunday...(f)

[TheRealJLO]

i have a question. is there a way to check and see who has been checking your profile or if people have been doing searches on your name...like looking up your recent posts? I can't go into too much detail because I think this is happeneing and the person will read this but if someon could PM me to talk?

[TopDadddy]

Well as I see it there's a few reasons for thread stalking.

1. Just because you like someone, they're your friend, for flirtatious reasons, or you just plain like what some people have to say. I'm sure there's more reasons though.

2. Because they're your ex or whatever and you're just being nosey. ;)

3. You're a drama person and go out stalking with intentions of reading particular peoples posts in order to create drama, use in pvt PMs or nasty phone calls, or whatever they feel like doing (this is really a wonderful occurence NOT!) This is the most annoying and tedious of course. This particular one has made me decide to say a whole lot less. It doesn't mean my life is stopping, cause for sure it's NOT. Not even close.
(h) (6) (a) The unfortunate thing is that people can get away with this for a long time, which is pretty sad, but it's true, and they do.

Then there's also the stalkers in real life, the ones who call and call, and just create havoc in ones life in general.. These are the most dangerous in my opinion. These are skeeeery people, who in my opinion are loosely wrapped.. I stay away from them whenever possible.

Yes, people can see when you've logged on last if you do not log on invisible, and many people do just this, watch when others log on.. Who knows why, everyone has their own reason, maybe it's a friend, a lover, someone you're dating, someone you can't stand. The reasons are endless I suppose. We're human, we do odd things. *chuckling*

Hope that answers a few questions.

~TD~

[justaroccitygirl]

My best friend (who is also an ex) has a stalker. The "stealthy" part of it is that the letters, phone calls and emails are unsigned or from "other" people. There have been death threats (against myself and others that my best friend has dated). The person got ahold of my email and emails me on almost a daily basis from no less than 15 email addresses (all from the same IP address- she isn't the brightest crayon). My friend has a restraining order- but sometimes the stalker drives by my friend's apartment or waits outside bars that my friend frequents. Definately not cute.

As far as this site goes- there a a bunch of reasons to thread stalk someone. For me, it's benevolent. A way to get answers to somewhat akward questions for my crush (say, about sexual preferences). Or to get to "know" someone or find a common ground of things to talk about.

I also like to see what my ex (not the one previously mentioned) is up to- making sure things are alright with her and that sort of thing without being intrusive or asking too many questions.

I don't think there is a way to check to see if anyone is thread stalking you or searching for your screenname. I don't particularly mind because I don't think anyone on this site has any malice meant towards me (thank goodness). I have found that some people respond frequently to the same threads so I keep running across them- but that's more of a coincidence than it is thread stalking. I can see how it runs a fine line between "good" and "evil."

[fancyfreckle]

Well as I see it there's a few reasons for thread stalking.

1. Just because you like someone, they're your friend, for flirtatious reasons, or you just plain like what some people have to say. I'm sure there's more reasons though.

2. Because they're your ex or whatever and you're just being nosey. ;)

3. You're a drama person and go out stalking with intentions of reading particular peoples posts in order to create drama, use in pvt PMs or nasty phone calls, or whatever they feel like doing (this is really a wonderful occurence NOT!) This is the most annoying and tedious of course. This particular one has made me decide to say a whole lot less. It doesn't mean my life is stopping, cause for sure it's NOT. Not even close.
(h) (6) (a) The unfortunate thing is that people can get away with this for a long time, which is pretty sad, but it's true, and they do.

Then there's also the stalkers in real life, the ones who call and call, and just create havoc in ones life in general.. These are the most dangerous in my opinion. These are skeeeery people, who in my opinion are loosely wrapped.. I stay away from them whenever possible.

Yes, people can see when you've logged on last if you do not log on invisible, and many people do just this, watch when others log on.. Who knows why, everyone has their own reason, maybe it's a friend, a lover, someone you're dating, someone you can't stand. The reasons are endless I suppose. We're human, we do odd things. *chuckling*

Hope that answers a few questions.

~TD~



TD - very well put. I understand and would categorize the same way. I'm a #1, and most people out here I've befriended are #1 also....

I suppose I feel very secure and somewhat sheltered in that I've never had #2 (haven't dated anyone from B/F (just Glynn) or anyone who knows of B/F. And I've never run across #3 or the real life version - thank goodness!!!

With all that said I'm not sure why I'm still hanging around this thread.... :$
Now, I'm off to stalk you (j/k) ;)
-K

[JackSpade]

Walks into the stalking thread and empties out all hys stalking supplies.....


cyber night vision goggles
cyber gps tracking device
cheese burger (cause ya get hungry stalking)
cyber telescope
green army man (cause ya never know when you need one)
stalking membership card
pirate mr. potato head (cause stalking is borrring)
cyber stalking for dummies book
4 pk of Red Bull (stalkers need energy too)
cyber police radio (always know where the cops are)
ps. I just learned you could thread stalk someone last week :$

[oregon_femme]

Honestly now, can't you find someone else to hate for awhile?

You have been terrorizing me for 2 years ~ when will you give it a rest?


The misguided hate and bitterness you feel for me, (a stranger to you), is harming YOU. Having all that yucky black stuff in your body, in your soul, that can't be productive. That can't be good for you.

I have begged you to leave me alone, it just fuels your fire.
You have been banned here 8+ times. And still you continue.

Luckily, I have not had to read your garbage lately, the MODS delete it and ban your new name so quick it makes peoples heads spin. In that way I feel protected and blessed.

Your words, your actions, your lies about me around town no longer bother me. Believe it or not, I feel just the opposite. My heart goes out to you. You are truly a tormented soul. I hope you will get the help you need.

I really truly hope you can find Peace. And my wish for you is that you can be healed of your sickness before it destroys you.

[TxCougar]

*grin*

Some are fun, some...

are a pain in the arse...

If you want to know what I am up to, why not just ask? If I don't want to tell you, then you need to get a new hobby. My life is mine, not yours....get on with living your own!

[Stav1969]

Dear Stalker/Stalkers,

All is fanfuckintastic! Nothing you do is working...BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


Yours truly,
Mr. & Mrs. Stavros

[Stav1969]

Dear Stalker,

You FAILED again. LMFAO.....Nothing will make my Wife leave me. So
continue to waste your time and FAIL...and we'll continue enjoying our
married life as ONE...and also enjoy laughing our asses off at you.


Thanks for the entertainment,
Mr.&Mrs. Stavros

Feel free to IM me anytime.