 Butch-Femme
is about being who you are. It is not about "labels".
We define who we are when we tell the truth about our lives.
It's easy to say what Butch and
Femme are NOT, more difficult to express what Butch
and Femme are, and damned near impossible to write
a F.A.Q. about Butch-Femme devoid of any generalites. On several
different discussion lists, even as a group, we have never
been able to distinctly define any of the above terms in a
way that everyone agrees with. The final thesis is
always: Butch, Stone Butch, Femme, and Stone Femme are natural
gender expressions that are of the heart, having little to
do with appearance or any stereotypical code of behavior. |
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With the Women's Movement in the
early 70's, our personal lives became political.  It
seems some lesbian-feminists decided decades ago that deliberate
androgeny was a basic requirement to be politically-correct
as a lesbian. Butches were thought of as oppressors of women,
a symbol of the patriarchy. Femmes were seen as a hindrance
to progress in the Movement where androgeny was not a style,
but a political stance. Even though Butches have provided
queer visiblility for eons, and Butches and Femmes were
also both part of the resistance at Stonewall, the Sex Wars
largely ignored that there are naturally occuring gender
variations amongst all people.
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"Deliberate
androgeny was a basic requirement to be politically correct
as a lesbian."
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is common for Butches that lovers have asked them to tone
down and temper their spirit. Femmes still often hear, "If
you want to be with a man...". As a result, a few Butches
and Femmes today don't call themselves "lesbians",
but instead prefer to embrace the broad term of "queer".
Some Butches and Femmes feel more understood in the Transgendered
Movement. Others struggle to claim space amongst the androgeny
of a marginalized dyke community that not always been supportive
of Butch-Femme expression. Since feminism has provided more
gender options to females, and technolgy has brought so many
of us together, there is a Renaissance of late where Butch
and Femme is becoming stylish again. True Butches and out-and-proud
Femmes have always been alive and thriving! At one time, our
unique Butch-Femme community was small, and it was real work
to find one another. But there is a growing family on Butch-Femme.Com,
where Butches and Femmes are connecting online and in real
life as a solid community. There is no need to feel isolated,
because you are not alone. We are making families together,
forming friendships, and networking within our tribe. |
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Butches
come in all shapes, sizes, and mindsets, of course. Everyone
has their own style and expression, but what traits do Butches
have in common? Being a Butch is more than just an obvious
lack of girlie-ness. Most Butches have a distinctly different
kind of masculine energy (for lack of a better word) than
biological men, a masculinity that is not a birthright, nor
a given. Our identity is often hard-fought and constantly
challenged, and our core develops naturally with few role
models. Most of us are visibly queer, with nowhere to hide
ourselves even if we wanted to. A lot of us were lil' butchsters
and tomboys growing up, and some of us feel like we are in
 "drag"
if wearing women's attire. There are soft Butches, hard Butches,
Stone Butches, and Butches who even gender-phuque the definition!
Some feel "Butch" is a blend of both woman and man,
or a third gender. Other Butches reject any degree
of femininity. Many transgendered stone Butches don't claim
the word "woman" to descibe themselves at all. Some
Butches are comfortable in their female form, while others
experience body dysphoria in varying degrees. Some Butches
take testerone, bind their breasts, and/or pack. Some Stone
Butches desire to be pleasured in ways that aren't feminizing,
while other stone Butches don't want to be touched at all,
prefering only to please their partner. Most Butches are foremost
into pleasing their partners. Most want their Butch nature
to be honored and appreciated, no matter what kind of sex
or intimacy they engage in. In describing Butch, I
would say it is a journey where we have all taken similar
paths, wearing different shoes. Ultimately, I can only describe
it for myself: standing sturdy on crumbling rocks. |
"...
a masculinity that is not a birthright, nor a given. Our
identity is often hard-fought and constantly challenged."
"I
can only describe it for myself: standing sturdy on rumbling
rocks."
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Femmes...
how do you spot them? This is something Butches have been
trying to  figure
out for some time! Queer visibility is an issue for many
out and proud Femmes. They can be flamboyantly feminine,
or even tomboyish. Femme gender, like Butch, is not soley
an outward projection of style, but an energy from within.
Since I am not Femme, I turn to my wife Chris to
help give a general definition of Femme gender.
My
wife Chris: Trying
to define Femme is like trying to capture the essence of
mystery. Complex, simple, dominant, submissive, powerful,
yielding, stone, diva, bratty, serious, playful... these
are only a handful of descriptors. There are as many ways
to describe Femme as there are Femmes on the planet, and
just when you think you've got Femmes all figured out, remember
you don't! The closest I have ever come to defining the
complexity that is Femme, both in myself and in those Femmes
around me, is to state that Femme is the fully realized
*queer* state of one's femininity, sexuality, and sensuality
as it pertains to self, unapologetic and non-patriachally
based or constructed. Some Femmes desire Butches, others
desire Femme, and even others desire both. Our desires are
what can make us different, but our fundamental commitment
to our femininity, our queerness, and the women and females
that we love, lust, and partner with are a few similarities
that bring us together.
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"Femme
gender, like Butch, is not soley an outward projection of
style, but an energy from within."
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A
Butch without a Femme is still a Butch, just
as a Femme without a Butch is still a Femme. But we do compliment
one another. And it's hot! I would say that is what we are
about... passion! |
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