We get the dayumdest stuph in our email box...

It's always a good idea to run Spill Check

From: xxxxx
To: webmaster@butch-femme.com
Sent: Wednesday, August 07, 2002
Subject: ????

Dear Webmasters
I do not know where the replies to my ads go. Could you help me please. I cannot locate my personal ass.

Rhon replies... Dayum, sho' can't help you there. ;)

Yeah, like I would know that... :)

From: xxxx
To: webmaster@butch-femme.com
Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2001
Subject: Stone Butch Blues

Rhon, in the book Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg, could you tell me on what page Jess tells his girlfriend that he does not feel like a man nor a woman?

A coupla youngstas sent us a snippet of their phone conversation below, as they invented code words to talk in front of their parents. Kind of a Queer Pig Latin.

From: xxxxx
To: webmaster@butch-femme.com
Sent: Sunday, September 01, 2002
Subject: Fitchacrombie

Another night of talking on the phone to one of my very few gay friends, Laurie. Laurie (or Josh as she prefers to be called) and I (Lenore/ Kurt) are 15 and 16 respectively, meaning that we still live with our perental units. She's out to hers, but I'm still closeted to mine. I can never find the right time to just start a conversation with, "Mom, I'm a lesbian." It's rather awful. So we've cultivated our own slang on the phone.
We also have to use it at our hyper- Catholic school. Being bisexed (Josh) or lesbian (Kurt) isn't easy. If we go to Greenwich village or anywhere queer, we pretend that we are worshiping at a mysterious cult known as the cult of BOW. Very few people know that this stands for Bisexual Organization of the World.
"What's bow?" Our perplexed straight friends ask.
"The better question is 'Are you Bowist?'" We reply mysteriously. So far, we've made fake allusions to BOW's affiliations with the Hare Krishnas. Maybe we'll tell them the truth when they're older. The girls we're in love with are referred to as "Anthony" and "Adam". Straight people are referred to as 8 people, lesbians are referred to as 11s. Bisexuals are tandem bikes. Anything gay is referred to as "technicolor" in reference to our beloved flag. A moment of obviousness is "stupidcool". Queer sex is "geometry". An embarassment is a "sports moment". So how does this sound?
"I had such a sports moment in front of Adam today."
"It's OK, "he" loves you. He's 11."
"Are you sure? "
"It' s written in technicolor all over his face!"
"But she (genderswitch) thinks Hugh Grant is hot!"
"She's a tandem bike, then."
"I really hope she's not 8."
"Yeah. Eight people can kiss my ass."
"I hate 8 people."
"Eight people suck!"
"If it wasn't for 8 people, I'd be getting so much more geometry done."
"I hear ya, Kurt."
So one day, we were discussing the topic of "Butchosity vs. Femmeishness." We needed a new word.
"I saw the cutest (Whisper) butch today..."
"Really?"
"Yeah. He had curly red hair-"
"You go for (Whisper) butches?"
"Well, (Whisper) femmes are OK."
"Hey, Kurt?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we call them Abercrombie and Fitch from now on?"
"Like, (Whisper) Butch is Abercrombie and Femme is Fitch? Sure, Josh!"
So now, thanks to a store that sells clothes my broke ass can barely afford, we discovered a way to communicate our love of butches and femmes. So bi now, you're probably wondering whether we have a butch or femme bent. Well, I'm abercrombie and into abercrombies. As for Josh...
"Seriously Josh, what are you?"
"Well, as much as abercrombie life looks intriquing, I'm attracted to fitches to the point where I am one... hold on (she returns) My dad thought I just said I'm attracted to bitches!"
"Definately not! But seriously, what are you?"
"I'm... fitchacrombie!"
Good answer.